


Tied Together (Kylo x Reader)

by Simpremeleader



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Adam Driver Smut, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fighter Pilots, Fluff and Smut, Force Sensitivity (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Reader, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren in Love, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Lightsabers, Mild Smut, Multi, Pilots, Planet Chandrila (Star Wars), Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Possessive Kylo Ren, Pre-Battle of Starkiller Base (Star Wars), Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Star Wars References, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, Starkiller Base (Star Wars), TIE Fighter (Star Wars), That's Not How The Force Works, The Force, Top Kylo Ren, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:02:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 183,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simpremeleader/pseuds/Simpremeleader
Summary: You're the only female TIE fighter pilot in the First Order.You had natural ability. An...instinct...in the cockpit that you couldn't explain. Sometimes you just felt when and where a target was approaching. You'd had this instinct as long as you could remember. Anytime you sat behind the controls you felt it kick in. You couldn't explain it, and it definitely pissed the guys off.You had to work twice as hard as the men in the squadron to earn the same amount of trust and respect from your superiors. You had worked far too hard for your position. You weren't about to throw it all away for some-And then you met him. Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order.A special assignment brings you face to face with a man who would not only uproot your career but your entire existence.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 96
Kudos: 364





	1. Show Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all!
> 
> Thank you so much for stopping by!
> 
> I am a Kylo simp and I hope to do him justice in this Fic. This is my first time writing FanFic, so please do not hesitate to give me feedback! I welcome ANY and ALL feedback . 
> 
> If you like the premise, characters or overall story please let me know and SHARE with your fellow kylo simps. The more interest and interaction I get, the more motivation I'll have to update frequently. I plan to updated with new chapters at least twice a week.
> 
> This will be a love story...and there will be some smut. I can't say when but just know it will be a SLOW BURN (and totally worth it).
> 
> Please know that Kylo will NOT be nice in this story...at least not in the beginning. I want to keep him as true to character as possible. But fear not, I will always put the TW ahead of the applicable chapters!
> 
> I'm a pilot in real life so I'll have some aviation Easter eggs scattered throughout! Comment if you catch em ;)
> 
> My main platform is Wattpad- so I have no idea how to use the HTML formatting here! Therefore the story on this site will be missing the italics and bolding...
> 
> Follow me here, and on TikTok @simpremeleader , to get the fastest news and updates!
> 
> Stay safe, friends! 
> 
> -K

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

You opened a single eye just enough to see your datapad light up beside your bed.

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

"Urrrghh" you muttered incoherently as you pushed the data pad off the bedside table where it promptly fell to the floor. 

You barely heard the light thud it made on the tile. You were already back inside your dream.

You always dreamed of home.

Naboo.

You were walking through a familiar dense forest. Rustling through the vegetation and out into the sunlight. The forest melted away behind you, giving way to new scenery. 

Your eyes adjust to the light as they settle on the glistening lake before you. The roar of an adjacent waterfall floods your ears. You stare out at the vast meadow circling the water, smiling at the familiar sight. You charge through the flowers, fingers lingering on the petals as you run through them, arms outstretched.

Your run turns into a slow walk as you continue down the dirt road that cuts through the meadow.

Sun kisses your skin as a light breeze picks up the ends of your hair, swirling them in front of your face. A giggle escapes your lips as your hair wraps up your face and briefly over your eyes. Through your hair you see the meadow give way to massive fields of corn and wheat. Crops stretch out before you as far as the eye can see.

The outskirts of your family farm are visible as you push your hair behind your ears and strain for a better view. You listen to the familiar sound of the worker droids as they buzz around the crops. 

Slightly ahead, a crop duster zigzags over the land, spraying the fields and dodging the worker droids.

A grin breaks out over your face as you remember flying those same crop dusters alongside your brother. It was one of your favorite pastimes growing up.

Your eyes scanned the fields as your mind raced. Maybe there is another duster parked nearby...I'd give anything to fly one aga--

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

The constant whaling of your datapad comes crashing back into your conscience, easily overpowering the light hum of the crop duster flying overhead.

You are sucked out of your dream once again.

"URGGHH". You moan more aggressively this time as you sit up in bed, opening both eyes. Leaning over, you grab your data pad off the floor. The time reads 0410. You dim the brightness on your pad, as the sharp backlight threatens to spilt your head in two. You open your messages.

_______________________________________

Message 001475

SENT 0400

*Not received

RESENT 0405

*Not received

RESENT 0410

Sender: STARKILLER SCEHDULING

TIE SQUARDON 2103 REQUESTED HANGAR 6

SHOW: 0430

ETD:0440

*Received 0410

________________________________________

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." You groaned aloud.

Another assignment already? You had just returned from the previous assignment at 2300 the night before. You count silently in your head. Only five hours of rest? 

Fuckers.

You re-read the message and scoffed. Of course, scheduling has the received receipts on. Your datapad would have dinged every 5 minutes until you opened their message.

You grumbled as you pulled yourself out of bed and wandered to your kitchen, flipping the coffee pot on. Your body quickly acclimated to its newfound consciousness and begin its morning routine instinctively.

Being a pilot for the First Order had taught you a lot of things, one of those being how to get completely ready for the day in under 5 minutes.

You crossed your studio and entered your refresher. Leaning over the sink you brushed your teeth and splashed cold water on your face. Wiping the water off with a cool towel, you immediately felt more energized. Turning to the closet you selected fresh black undergarments and pulled your uniform on overtop. The black First Order flight suit zipped up the middle from the waist and had sleeves that fell over your wrists.

You slipped on your necklace. The necklace was simple, a gold chain attached to a small pendant that resembled black stone. Your grandmother had given it to you the day before you left home.

You smiled as you remembered the way she had stroked your check and placed the necklace around your neck. 

"This stone is older than I am..." she had chuckled. "It was given to me by one of my best friends in the old Republic senate. It is unique and powerful, just like you." She had winked as she continued. "This stone is no stone at all...but a crystal. A rare, black Kyber crystal."

You remembered how she laughed when you said you didn't believe her. Instead of taking offense to your trademark skepticism, she had simply pulled you into an embrace. She had whispered "I didn't believe it at first either, sweet girl. But after all these years I know it to be true."

Tears started to pool in your eyes at the memory. Your dream from last night came flooding back. 

"Gods, get yourself together..." you mumbled to yourself as you grabbed your watch and turned to leave the closet. 

You loved your job, and because of that you often pushed away feelings from home. The heavy feelings were always worse in the mornings, after nights filled with dreams of Naboo.

You grabbed your black leather squad jacket and threw it on over the flight suit, quickly tucking the necklace inside.

Stealing a glance in the mirror before turning to leave the refresher, you caught sight of yourself for the first time since returning from the mission on the previous night. 

Your hair was a tangled mess and your lack of sleep had resulted in slight, dark shading under your eyes. Quickly and methodically, you pulled your hair back into a tight bun at the base of your neck. For good measure you lightly padded under your eyes with concealer. That's as good as it's getting for a 4:30am showtime, you thought.

Back in the kitchen you poured the coffee into your thermos as you peeked towards your watch. 0415. You had gotten ready in 5 minutes. Like clockwork, you smirked internally. You were nothing if not competitive. Even against yourself.

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

Multiple messages flooded your datapad. 

The boys must be up. 

The boys meaning your friends from your TIE squadron, the 2103. You knew when you received multiple messages at once, it had to be coming from your group link. You knew everyone in your squadron of 20 but were especially close with a handful.

You opened your datapad.

_____________________________

Message 001476

SENT 0413

Sender: Marco Scheler

Wake up fuckers, we are on in 15.

______________________________

______________________________

Message 001477

SENT 0414

Sender: Thomas Watson

Been awake, dipshit.

Ya'll think we have time for breakfast?

______________________________

______________________________

Message 001478

SENT 0415

Sender: Darian Pope

Breakfast is for the weak. I'm sure you have time.

______________________________

______________________________

Message 001479

SENT 0415

Sender: Avery *Y/L/N*

NO, we don't have time. Elevator in 10?

Kyber, you up? Meet me outside your door in 3 minutes.

______________________________

Kyber. Your callsign.

All pilots on Starkiller had a callsign unique to them. Traditionally, it was assigned to the pilot by their own squadron during training. Yours had been given to you on the first day of class. 

You had shown up with your grandmothers' black pendant around your neck, provoking your classmates to harass you about the non-standard addition to the uniform. 

You told them that a Kyber crystal was always non-standard, and if they didn't shut up about it, you'd make sure it was the first and last one they would ever see.

It didn't intimidate them. No one truly believed it was a crystal. Truthfully, you didn't believe it either.

As it turned out, it didn't matter. They had quickly moved on to complaining about the upcoming homework load. 

Even so, that initial encounter with your squad earned you the first callsign of the bunch, Kyber.

From then on you wore the necklace underneath your flight suit. They were right, after all. It was non-standard.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

______________________________

Message 001480

SENT 0418

Sender: Avery *Y/L/N*

Ky I'm outside

______________________________

You rolled your eyes. He was so punctual. 

Even when you were kids Avery loved a schedule. He was the one who taught you how to fly the crop dusters when your father refused. He was not only your twin, but your best friend. You grew up together, trained together, and joined the First Order together.

Grabbing your coffee, you shoved your datapad in the pocket of your flight bag and headed for the door.

Avery greeted you outside. Even with his strong masculine features, he looked a lot like you. The two of you could never deny being related. Although, no one suspected you were twins, as he towered over you at 6'ft and could frequently be spotted sporting a face of close kept stubble.

"How in the worlds did you have time for that?" his hand motioning to the thermos.

"I always make time for coffee." You responded. "Plus being on call for a year has finally taught me the skill of time management."

He laughed. "Finally is right kiddo. You're never on time."

"I'm always on time. You just insist on being early. And KIDDO?" you questioned. "You're forgetting I'm older than you Ace."

His eyebrows squished together upon hearing his callsign. 

Unlike most pilots, Avery didn't like for his sign to be used outside the cockpit. He worked hard to keep his work and his personal life separate. He claimed it was because he wanted to keep one part of his life free from the First Order.

You on the other hand, liked who you were with the First Order. 

Having a callsign made you feel like a true member of the squad, a true part of the collective. You were the only female TIE fighter pilot; it was rare that you felt fully included. That was why you liked when the guys called you Kyber. People rarely used your real name here, and that was the way you liked it.

"By four minutes." He muttered. "You're only older by four minutes...and don't get onto me for being early. Everyone knows if you're not early, you're late."

"Four minutes is four minutes. I'm older either way." You flashed him a sleepy grin as you cut past him into the hallway. "Want some?" you passed the coffee to him.

He grabbed it willingly and took a sip. "Not bad for being brewed in the dark." He yawned. "It's too fucking early."

You began your walk to the elevator. The hallway to your squads' quarters was deserted. 

The First Order housed their pilots by squadron. Every pilot had their own studio that exited to a shared corridor and elevator. The elevator led down to a common area shared by several First Order squads.

Stopping at the elevator, you checked the time. 0420.

"Are we waiting for the others?" you glanced towards Avery.

"They have five minutes then we are ditching their late asses" he yawned again as the last part of the sentence left his mouth. You watched him lean up against the cold surface of the elevator, fighting his drooping eyelids.

"How many hours of sleep did you get?" you pushed lightly on his shoulder watching him sway sideways.

He chuckled. "Sleep? Never heard of her." Pausing briefly. "Miranda came over last night after we got back."

"That little BITCH!" you spat. "That must be why she never messaged me back."

Miranda worked as a nurse that served the Flight Operations division on Starkiller. There was a medbay located outside of Hangar 4 designated for flight crews needing immediate medical attention.

Over a year ago, on your first assignment out of training, your squad encountered Resistance fighters that nearly wiped out your company. It had been an ambush.

Miranda had been one of the nurses assigned to your squadron on your return to Starkiller. You had only needed minor stitches, but countless pilots from the squad had required procedures and infusions. Avery had needed surgery.

Even after your discharge, you spent days in and out of the medbay, checking in on your brother and other members of your team who had lingered behind.

The countless nights spent in the recovery rooms paid off, and Miranda had become your friend. After the disaster of your first mission, she had been the one who convinced you not to hop on the next transport back to Naboo.

Besides being the only female friend you had; Miranda was also serving as Avery's long-term booty call.

You were convinced their "relationship" began while he was in recovery from surgery, but you couldn't prove it. You wished they would just make it official and stop denying their obvious feelings for one another.

You sighed. Even if you were right, they would never admit it.

Doors down the hallway began opening as other members of your company started filing out. Sleepy greetings and apathetic grunts could be heard all around as you all acknowledged one another.

You saw Marco and Darian walking towards you. Two members of your group link.

Darian immediately spotted Avery, back against the elevator, fighting for consciousness. 

"Busy night, aye Ace?" he smirked. Avery's face scrunched as he shook his head no.

Darian wasn't buying it. "You always forget we share a wall!" he added, flashing Avery an award-winning smile.

His white teeth shinning like pearls beneath his ebony skin, even at this ungodly hour Darian was a classic beauty. His shoulder length, tightly braided hair was pulled back as always. You didn't actually see him with it down often, maybe only after a bad flight...or a few beers.

Darian was one of the more reserved squad members. When he was around you always felt calm and centered. He wouldn't hesitate to talk shit like rest of them, but he always knew where to draw the line. This ability often left him to be the peacemaker of the group.

He was masculine without being obnoxious and it reminded you of Avery. That is probably why they were best friends.

Seeing an opportunity, Marco jumped in. "Ah leave him alone, Sling."

Darian smiled again hearing his callsign.

Marco continued. "Just because you aren't getting any doesn't mean you can hate on those of us that are." He glanced at Avery and winked.

You fought down the urge to giggle. Marco was a damn good pilot, but a loose cannon. He was a hothead with a temper that had earned him a reputation. He could often be found talking back to First Order Officers, and you were honestly surprised he hadn't gotten himself executed by now.

You were glad when he was around. He could always lift squad morale with his unrelenting, kinetic energy.

Marco had also made a name for himself in other...areas.

When walking around the base with him you would frequently pass groups of women giggling and glancing his way. 

Looking at him now you could see where their infatuation came from. Rumor has it, his home planet on the outer rim had five suns in its orbit, producing his gorgeously tanned skin. He had sharp features with wild green eyes and dark brown hair that fell in a mess of curls on top of his head.

The women of Starkiller loved Marco, and Marco loved them. 

That's why you had to restrain the urge to laugh at his comment. It was funny, because it was true. If any of you were getting laid regularly, it was most definitely Marco.

Darian shot him a glare. "Just because I'm not giving it to half the nurses on base, doesn't mean I'm not getting any."

"Half? Your estimates are way off, Sling." Marco laughed. "Besides I'm taking a break from nurses...thinking about switching to pilots." He casually draped his arm over your shoulder as he put emphasis on the word pilots.

You didn't even blush. This was an old joke. 

"You should be so lucky. Go fuck yourself, Magnum."

Magnum. You can guess where his callsign came from.

His face lit up. "Hey, offer stands. If you ever get tired of celibacy, let me know."

"I'm not celibate." You spat.

Truthfully, it HAD been a while, and they all knew it.

The last man you'd been with had been your training instructor, over a year ago. Even that had been a barely satisfying fling. It only took a few days on the job to make you realize the fast paced, competitive environment of Starkiller did not foster healthy relationships.

Plus, you had to work twice as hard as the men in the squadron to earn the same amount of trust and respect from your superiors. You had worked far too hard for your position. You weren't about to throw it all away for some dick.

Besides, you had an orange, vibrating toy hidden underneath some scarves in your bedside table. You had nicknamed it Julius.

Julius handled the job just fine and talked a lot less than Marco.

You motioned towards the guys. "I don't have time. I'm too busy flying circles around you morons."

They all laughed. They knew it was true, you were the best in the squadron.

You had natural ability, an...instinct in the cockpit that you couldn't explain. Sometimes you just felt when and where a target was approaching. You'd had this instinct as long as you could remember. Anytime you sat behind the controls you felt it kick in. You couldn't explain it, and it definitely pissed the guys off.

Your abilities in the air did not go unnoticed and had quickly earned you a reputation you didn't want to alter. You showed promise of being officer material one day. As long as you didn't fuck anything up.

Still fighting sleep, and over the conversation, Avery glanced at his watch. "0425. That's it, let's roll out."

"Do we have everyone?" Darian looked around.

You swept the hall with your eyes. "Everyone but Thomas." Fucking Thomas. He was always late.

Your squad liked to walk into the hangar as group. It boosted morale and built up the team dynamic. Plus, it made you feel like you were briefly moving in slow motion with dramatic music playing in the background.

It was typical to meet at the elevator 5 minutes before showtime.

Avery was already pressing the button "Leave him. He needs to learn."

You rolled your eyes again. He was so punctual.

The massive, industrial elevator easily fit the whole squad and the 2103 began their descent to the common area.

The common area resembled a large, circular lounge and branched off into hallways that led to areas like the mess hall and the gym. Access to the hangar shuttle system, and the main hallway, could also be found in the common area.

The hangers on Starkiller were numbered one through seven and were situated in a semi-circle formation. Hangars 1 and 7 sat on the ends of the semi-circle, and Hangar 4 acted as the center hub, housing the main shuttles, medbay and leadership offices.

All seven hangars were connected by a huge central hallway. The right side of the massive hallway was lined with windows overlooking the hangars. The left side of the hallway overlooked the high-speed shuttles that ran continuously around the semi-circle of hangars.

With the size of the First Order's flight operation, the shuttles were absolutely necessary. To walk from Hangar 1 to Hangar 7, completely around the semi-circle hallway, could take a couple hours.

You boarded the shuttle on the far end of the room. Marco, being the last one in, pressed the button on the control panel labeled 'Hangar 6'. The glass doors roared shut, and the shuttle lurched forward.

As your shuttle paralleled the main hallway, you glanced out the glass wall. The massive walkway was not too busy yet, and only a handful of night shift employees could be spotted working in the hangars.

After only a few moments the shuttle came to a brisk halt. The doors rolled open as you heard the high pitched, electronic voice announce. "Hangar 6."

Your company filed out of the shuttle and paused briefly in front of the large opening to Hangar 6. 

Walking towards the front of the group, you looked down at your watch. 

0430.

Show time.


	2. Planesense

**TW** Light description of combat/force use!

The feeling you got walking into the hangar with your squadron never got old. It didn't matter that it was 4:30 in the morning. It didn't matter that you had no idea what the assignment was. It didn't even matter that you had little to no audience.

A few engineers glanced your way as you strode by the maintenance stations. One of them slapped his buddy on the arm, inviting him to look up from his hole in an engine cowling.

Once upon a time you would have cringed from embarrassment at this unwarranted attention from strangers. But your time on Starkiller had forced you to encounter so many nonsensical men that you now relished the thought of confusing their small minds with your simple existence.

You'd grown to love the feeling that came from observing the pure bewilderment plastered on their faces when they saw you for the first time. You never understood why it was such a shock for them to see to see a female fighter pilot. As if TIEs were flown by genitals instead of hands...

What used to make you uncomfortable now fueled your bad bitch energy. Walking with your team across the hangar you felt like an unstoppable, unapproachable badass.

Your squad had completely crossed the massive, white room and now stood in front of a wall filled with identical TIE fighters. The wall of the hanger was fashioned with hundreds of TIE docking stations. The stations stacked over one another reminded you of vertical bleachers. Small elevators were situated at the base of the wall to carry crews up to the aircraft overhead. The fighters were organized by a matrix of columns and rows.

Your fighter, 6B6, was located on the 6th vertical column, on row B, of hangar 6. Creating the TIE tag of 6-B-6.

You glanced up at your ship. The red First Order logo was prominent against the grey and black paint job.

The squadron filtered into a small briefing room located below the TIE wall. You selected a chair in the back beside Darian. Avery slid down into the seat in front of you.

You lightly kicked the back of his chair. "Time to wake up, A".

"Don't touch me" He grumbled.

You teased. "My mistake. I'll make sure I update Miranda on your request to not be touched."

He snickered but didn't budge from his slouched position. A few seconds later, the door to the briefing room slung open.

Thomas stormed in. His short blonde hair was glistening with sweat. He had probably been running to catch up with the group. Thomas was shorter and thicker than the average pilot and was the youngest in the squadron. About 3 years your junior.

"Guys, I swear to all the fucking gods, if you leave me one more time, I'll---" He stopped mid-sentence as he attempted to squish his stocky body through the crowded chairs. 

He ended up plopping down in the empty chair to your left and pulled a half-eaten bagel from his jacket pocket. 

"I was walking out the door, ok? I was nearly there." He took a bite of the bagel. "I towld yuh, I wahnted breahktfst." He chewed through the words.

Chuckling, you leaned in towards him. "No hard feelings, Tomcat. We just don't like you." You patted his shoulder.

He flipped you the bird and continued munching.

A cold silence fell over the room as a new presence entered from the hangar.

Captain James Crichton sauntered to the front of the room, with all the arrogance in the galaxy visible in his stride. Two armed stormtroopers shadowed his steps.

His tall, lean frame did nothing to hide the signs of his advancing age. Light wrinkles surrounded his mouth and trailed up the sides of his face to his forehead. His salt and pepper hair was slicked back and a thick mustache covered his ever-present scowl.

He didn't hesitate before jumping into the short assignment briefing.

"Congratulations. Today you'll be leaving the base." His lifeless blue eyes scanned the rows of seats. "A high level, First Order Commander has requested a TIE assit to the planet Chandrila." 

He paused to take an exaggerated breath as if the simple act of speaking to your group was degrading. "We have reason to believe that there will be a Resistance shuttle inbound to Chandrila at 0500 today. This shuttle is rumored to be transporting stolen First Order information, and top-level Resistance leadership. Your objective will be to intercept the transport before it can land and destroy it on sight."

An excited buzz filled the room. 

Leaving the base? Your squad had only left the airspace of Starkiller a handful of times. TIEs were rarely used for intentional offensive missions. It was rare that you would be requested for an off-base ambush. The primary responsibility of the Starkiller TIE fighters was to defend the base and any lead ships from uninvited guests.

Despite popular belief, you weren't trained to attack first. To conserve resources and maintain a protective hedge around the massive First Order base, you were taught to defend and intimidate.

On an ideal mission you flew defensively, not offensively. When aircraft threatened your assigned vessel, only then did you engage in air to air combat. It was rare that the First Order's most substantial base was challenged to the extent that those services were required.

Because of this, your flight training had focused on your primary Starkiller duties: flying patrols, intercepting unauthorized visitors and intimidating civilian air traffic. The TIEs on your particular base didn't engage in air combat often and whenever they did, the lack of proper training showed.

The resistance fighters were entirely opposite. 

The X-Wings flew viciously and offensively. With less ground support and less resources, they didn't have a choice. When you paired an equal amount of TIE fighters and X-Wings in open combat, the First Order fighters rarely stood a chance.

That's what had happened on your squad's first mission off planet. You hadn't been outnumbered; you had been outflown.

Goosebumps pricked at your arms as memories of that mission came flooding back.

You had a bad feeling about this.

Crichton was already walking towards the exit, clearly not desiring to spend any more time in the brief. "Your aircraft have already been prepped for long range travel. I'll direct you via commlink from the Command Center." 

He made one last glance around the room. "Fighters, file out."

Involuntarily, you felt your hand slide into the air.

Sharp inhales could be heard around you as your hand hovered midair.

Officers didn't ask questions in the First Order. You knew to never directly engage with leadership unless you'd been invited to speak.

What the fuck were you doing?!

You went to drop your arm, but it was too late. In his departure the Captain had spotted your elevated appendage.

His bushy white eyebrows scrunched together in obvious disapproval. "What the hell is this?" his lips curled into a snarl. "This isn't a fucking classroom, Officer."

You had never regretted an action more, but you were too far gone to not follow through with your question.

"Forgive me, Sir- eh- Captain...but do we have any intel regarding the transport's defensive measures? Do they have shields or fighters guarding the ship?" you tried your best to speak clearly and loudly. A halfhearted attempt to hide your pure terror.

Crichton's ghostly blue eyes glared into your soul. He stared at you like he was trying to decide whether to answer you, or have you dragged out of the briefing room by the closest stormtrooper.

He had decided for something in between. "Officer...what is your ship number?"

You nearly passed out. "6B6, Captain." Your voice was quieter now, giving away the fragile state of your resolve.

He pulled out his datapad, looked something up and made a note. "Officer of 6B6, callsign Kyber" He smirked. "Demerit issued, level 2." With that he stalked out of the room, leaving you in a puddle of cold sweat.

Quiet seconds followed that felt like hours.

From the front row, Marco broke the silence.

"Holy shit, Ky! Are you gunning for my position of 'Most Hated by Management'?" he swung around in his chair to face you, a grin plastered across his stupidly gorgeous face. "Because if so, I'm not just going to roll over and let you take it from me."

Awkward, muted laughs rolled through the room as the tension lessoned significantly. You all began to stand up and make your way toward the door.

As you walked out into the hangar, Avery came up behind you, calling you by your real name. 

"Are you ok?" he spoke softly. You turned to face him, his expression was a mix of worry and confusion. You could tell he was trying to understand why you had spoken out. It was certainly out of your character.

You brought your hand to your temple and rubbed it briefly. 

"Yeah, I'm alright..." You hesitated. "I just kept thinking of last time we faced the Resistance unprepared. We had no intel then either and this feels similar, don't you think?" you looked into his eyes, trying to read his energy. Was he nervous? You couldn't tell.

He gave you a soft, reassuring smile. "Last time was different, Ky. We were working a random patrol over an unknown Resistance base. There was no way of knowing. We couldn't have stopped it."

He rested his arm over your shoulder as you walked towards the elevator to ascend the wall of fighters. "This is a simple transport ambush. We will be in and out before our mystery commander even rolls out of bed."

Shit.

How did he always know what to say to make you feel better? Against your better judgment, the anxiety you'd felt just moments ago began to dissipate. He was right. Your team could easily destroy a transport.

You shook his arm from your shoulders as a group of you boarded the elevator. "You're right. I'm being paranoid." You lightly punched his chest. "Last one to get a direct shot buys the first round tonight!"

Having overheard the last part of your sentence, Thomas chimed in. "Can I get in on this? I'd love a beer right about now."

You jumped at the sound of his voice. You hadn't even known he was standing behind you in the lift. "Tom it's like..." You eyed down at your watch. "4:45am".

"I didn't mean right now." He waved his hand like he was dismissing the idea. "I want in on the bet for tonight." Thomas grinned like he had just solved the galaxies most complex problem. "Last direct shot buys the first round. Last back in the dock buys the second."

You raised your eyebrows. "Ok. So should I give you my drink orders now or...?"

He flipped you off. Again.

What great friends you had.

The lift stopped on row B and you stepped out onto the riser.

As the elevator door started to close, you heard Thomas yell from inside. "Oh...and no using your planesense. It's no fair!" he shouted as the door rolled shut.

Planesense. That's what the guys called your special instinct in the cockpit.

Your squad knew that your skill was more than just natural ability. You had the capability to sense the actions and feelings of others before they acted on them. During a mission you could often feel their energy and use it to anticipate their next moves.

When you were on patrol, it was rare that anything would slip your perimeter. You just felt when something was off. If a carrier was smuggling or operating illegally you could sense the anxiety of the pilot. You could almost hear their heartbeat, feel the frantic thoughts bouncing around in their minds.

They never got away from you. 

As long as you were behind the controls of an airplane, you could reach out and take anything you wanted.

Despite your previous unease about the assignment, you felt the slow waves of excitement build in your chest. You were eager for the chance to use your planesense for more than just running First Order patrols.

If you were being honest, you craved combat. You wanted the rush that came with anticipating an opponent and feeling fear enter their hearts.

The thought of encountering Resistance fighters filled you with equal parts dread and anticipation.

The dread was not for yourself, but for your friends. The squad that had become your chosen family didn't have what you had. They couldn't sense feelings or anticipate targets.

You repressed the anxiety that was resurrecting in the back of your mind as you ambled towards your ship. You walked around your aircraft performing a brief pre-flight inspection before climbing inside.

Your flight belt and helmet were hanging from the hook on the back of the door. You took them down and settled into the cockpit. The large, black helmet resembled a stormtrooper's helmet, but was embedded with a heads up display and advanced avionics.

As the helmet and belt clicked into place you heard the other pilots already live on the commlink. Your squad started rattling off their callsigns, indicating they were ready for departure. Your favorite voices stood out.

"Sling, standing by."

"Ace, standing by."

"Magnum, present."

"Tomcat, standing by."

"meooooww."

Poor Thomas. His callsign origin was obvious from his name, and truthfully it wasn't a bad one. You'd heard a lot worse. Unfortunately for him though, the guys never missed an opportunity to catcall him or call him a pussy.

You quickly went through your checklists.

Electrics, pneumatics, hydraulics, flight controls, instruments and flight plan all looked good. The First Order had already prepped the aircraft for long distance travel and programed the lightspeed coordinates for Chandrila.

You flipped your dual fuel pumps on and pressed the ignition. The left engine spooled up and remained stable. You performed a quick cross-bleed start and the right engine spooled up. All engine indications presented normal.

Ready to rock and roll.

"Kyber, standing by"

Captain Crichton's voice crackled over the coms. "Squadron 2103, you're cleared for departure from Hangar 6. On departure fly heading 060, climb maintain 10,000. Upon reaching 10,000 jump to lightspeed and rendezvous outside of Chandrila."

Incrementally your company zoomed out of hangar 6, broke into a left turn and started a steep climb to 10,000 feet.

Pushing the thrust levers up for takeoff you smiled absentmindedly. You loved the feeling of pure power at your fingertips.

10,000 feet came quicky and you transitioned thrust to the lightspeed setting. The scenery of the atmosphere blurred in front of you as your TIE lurched into space.

After a few moments, Chandrila materialized in front of you. The small blue and green planet looked peaceful and bright among the sea of blackness.

One by one your squad exited lightspeed and hovered just outside of the planet's atmosphere.

Voices rattled over your headset.

"Damn, do we have to fight here? Can we just move here instead?"

"Got my bags packed, Juice. Let's do it."

"Nah. I'd rather move to Jakku than be your roommate."

"Is this your official two weeks' notice then?"

You heard Avery's voice pipe up. "Shut up morons and watch the radar."

The time was 0456. The Resistance transport should arrive any minute.

Quiet moments followed before you saw the blip on your radar. A small, grey transport ship had just exited lightspeed and was floating towards the surface of the planet.

You announced. "Target in sight." It was time to make your move.

A voice rang in your ears. "They haven't spotted us yet. Let's set up for two rounds of bombing runs."

"Roger"

"Sounds good"

"Let's fuck 'em up!"

Your squad quickly set up in a double row formation and charged towards the transport.

The gap between the bombing line and the vessel was closing. They would be within range in ten, nine, eight, sev---

You felt them before you saw them. Panic rose in your throat as you jumped on the radio.

"Break formation! Break formation, NOW!" 

You pulled up hard and banked left on the stick, maneuvering up and leading your team away from the transport.

Milliseconds later, a fleet of X-Wings exited lightspeed. Their guns were already firing, pointed towards the exact position your bombing lines had just been.

"Fucking hell"

"Guns up, boys"

"We've got company"

"MotherFUCKERS"

"Good looking out, Kyber"

"I'm counting...10? We've got the numbers on them."

A plan quickly pieced together in your mind. You spoke up, desperate to get your team out alive. "We have double their numbers. Pair up and pick a target." You let out a centering breath as you re-engaged your targeting systems. 

"Stay on your target until it's destroyed. X-Wings go first. Transport is last. Don't get distracted, we can't let them pick us off."

"Ace, you're with me." You had to keep him safe.

"I like it"

"Sounds good"

"Wait no, I want to be with you"

"Do you have your exit buddy?"

"Let's fuck their shit up"

The 2103 quickly paired off and swung back into attack formation.

The Resistance fighters wasted no time trying to pick off your numbers. They fired round after round of blasts trying to break up your pairs. They were on to your plan from the beginning.

All hell broke loose. The formation fell apart and the pairs of TIEs broke off to acquire a target.

One X-Wing in particular was flying more aggressively than you'd ever seen. This pilot was not only striving to protect the transport. He wanted to destroy the TIEs.

"Ace, that's our guy." You turned your TIE to engage the wild pilot. It took everything you had to keep up with them, forget getting a target locked.

Fuck. Time to switch things up.

You reached out.

You visualized your energy, your planesense, as a pair of long, flowing ribbons. Spiraling out from your conscience and wrapping themselves around the X-wing, your ribbons seeped into the cockpit and embedded into the mind of the pilot.

You felt...joy.

No, that couldn't be right. You probed further.

Excitement, adrenaline, happiness...

What the hell. Was this pilot was enjoying the ambush? You searched his feelings. He had hoped they would run into conflict.

Sick bastard. Under your helmet you twisted your face into a dark smile.

His joy would be short lived.

With your ribbons still engraved in his mind, you started to alter his feelings. You sucked away at his adrenaline. His excitement you turned into dread. His joy you rolled into fear.

Immediately his flying became less stable. His speed dropped and his weapons lowered.

"He's a sitting duck, Ace." You smirked. "Want to do the honors?"

"Sure thing, boss." You felt your brother engage his targeting systems.

At the exact same moment you felt something else inbound to the atmosphere. 

Someone else. You'd never felt a presence so strong.

You saw it. The Silencer exited lightspeed directly in front of you.

Your concentration broke. The planesense quickly retracted back into your mind, releasing the X-Wing pilot from your influence.

The Resistance pilot snapped out of his trance and maneuvered away, out of Ace's firing range.

As you watched your prey fly away you should have been angry, but you weren't. You were in awe.

You watched The Silencer move like something out of an X-Wing's nightmare. Its movements didn't match their aggressive fighting style. 

It exceeded it.

A Resistance fighter attempted to tail it. The custom TIE promptly spun and dove down simultaneously before pulling up brisking, putting it in a position behind the tailing fighter. The Silencer fired. A direct hit. You watched as the X-wing disintegrated.

The expert pilot then slung the all black fighter around towards the transport shuttle. Diving, spinning and knocking out two additional X-wings in the process.

The pilot. Commander Kylo Ren.

You'd seen him from afar on several occasions and you'd heard the stories of his erratic behavior. You knew he was a pilot, but you didn't know he could fly like that.

You'd never seen any TIE fly like that.

Everything was suddenly clear. This was his mission and you were all just background noise.

Your coms came alive. The others had noticed him.

"HOLY SHIT"

"Are you guys seeing this?"

"WHAT A BADASS"

"He can't hear us, right?"

"Nah, I heard his coms are always isolated"

"He just took out another one!"

"Dude is wild!"

You watched as The Silencer lined up for a shot at the transport.

The wild Resistance pilot, your target from before, swooped down and cut off the black TIE before it could reach the transport.

The two began a deadly tango of lethal dogfighting. They maneuvered around each other in expert air to air combat. The fight looked almost choreographed, graceful even.

You'd never seen anything like it in your life.

Ren had successfully pulled the attention of the Resistance fighters. The remaining X-Wings were now drastically outnumbered.

The portion of your squad whose targets had been destroyed by The Silencer, seized the opportunity and set up for another bombing run. Beelining for the shuttle, the formation open fired.

The blasts connected with the grey armor of the ship. The transport had been damaged but it would take a few more runs to destroy. You joined up with Ace and Magnum for a second attack.

Direct hits. The shuttle was on fire now.

"One more run should do it." Darian spoke for the first time over the frequency.

"Let's do it then! I want to go home." Thomas sounded over eager.

Someone laughed. "Pussy"

You lined up beside him and set up for another charge. Pressing the firing mechanism you discharged a shot directly into the center of the ship. Thomas and Darian followed, sinking their blasts into the surrounding target zone.

Flames engulfed the transport as it began imploding.

"Nice shot, Ky!"

"We got it!"

"That's a wrap, ladies."

"Someone remind me to send Ren a card."

The commlink crackled.

Captain Crichton's voice rung over the frequency. "Squadron 2103 return immediately to Starkiller. Commander Ren insists on finishing the mission alone."

Commander Ren. The bombing run had distracted you. You'd forgotten about him and the dual with the intense Resistance fighter.

Your eyes swept past the burning transport, as you searched for The Silencer.

You saw no sign of the remaining X-Wings, or the Commander. Had he destroyed them all?

One by one your squad made the jump to lightspeed, returning to Starkiller. You prepped your airplane for the jump but stopped suddenly.

You felt him. And then you saw him.

The Silencer was circling the burning transport, moving slowly. From the gradual exaggerated turns, it looked as if the Commander was searching for something. Methodically scanning the remnants of the ship in a deliberate, continuous loop.

From your position, at least a mile away, you could see all sides of the shuttle as it burned. What could possibly be left?

What was he doing?

Not my business. Your better judgement was screaming at you to turn around and make the jump home, but you felt compelled to stay longer.

It only took a moment for you to realize what your instinct had been waiting on.

An X-Wing was slowly approaching from the opposite side of the burning transport, intentionally flying low and slow, out of the Commander's view.

Its guns were engaged and it was targeting The Silencer.

Consumed by his unhurried search operation, you knew the Commander was oblivious to the threat.

You visualized the substantial distance between you and the X-Wing. Looking down, you realized your TIE was still prepped for lightspeed. 

You quickly calculated the time it would take to uncouple lightspeed thrust, reengage the weapon systems and realign with the shuttle.

The calculations were clear. You'd never make it in time.

You had to warn the Commander.

"6B6 to Silencer, target spotted inbound, behind and below the transport, your two o'clock, engage immediately"

Fuck. 

You remembered what you had heard in your ear earlier. His coms were isolated.

You did the only other thing you could do.

You reached out. To him.

Invisible ribbons flowed out, your plansense stretching into The Silencer and into the mind of the Commander.

Anger. So much anger.

Anger, determination, frustration...

And then surprise? No, just more anger.

He was furious now...not at the Resistance, but at you. He knew you were there.

You didn't care. The X-Wing had come up behind him now, target locked. You only had seconds to act. With all the energy you had in the galaxy you pushed one sentence into his mind.

"Target behind you, pull up!"

The Silencer pulled up hard. Flying vertically into the air just as the perfectly positioned Resistance fighter fired. The blast slid underneath the sleek, black TIE as it moved into a nearly vertical position.

The Commander transitioned into a spinning dive towards the last remaining X-Wing, firing blasts all the way down.

The last Resistance fighter was destroyed right before your eyes.

Still tied to his mind, you felt the pure rage of Kylo Ren.

Then there was nothing. You felt nothing from him. An invisible door had slammed shut, stranding you on the other side of it. He had kicked you out. You'd never had anyone kick you out before. You didn't even know that was possible.

Fearing that you'd made a huge mistake, you suddenly wanted nothing more than to be back on the ground. Thank the gods you were still prepped for lightspeed.

Before The Silencer could turn towards you, you punched up on the controls and rocketed into hyperspace.

Seconds passed as lightspeed travel bent the world around you into a blur.

Emerging in front of Starkiller, you started your descent though the clouded atmosphere and into hangar 6.

The docking station for 6B6 was a welcome sight. You landed the TIE perfectly on the riser and began the shutdown procedures. Taking your helmet and belt off, you finally let yourself exhale a breath of relief.

You had made it. Your whole squad had made it.

You may have disobeyed a direct order to retreat in the process...but hey, it could have been worse.

Before exiting your fighter, you glanced to the right and to the left. The hangar was deserted. Where was your team? Something felt...off.

As you rode the elevator down from the TIE wall to the ground level, you caught sight of The Silencer landing in the hangar. Stormtroopers immediately flooded to the vessel, waiting to shadow the Commander on his exit.

You felt sick to your stomach. Leadership parked in Hangar 4...Why was he coming here?

The elevator doors opened, and you shuffled quickly towards the nearest exit.

I need to get out. I need to get out. I need to get out. 

Your mind was frantic.

Suddenly, like you had hit an undetectable wall, you stopped walking. You tried to move your leg to step forward, but you couldn't. You were locked in place, held by an invisible grip.

Involuntarily, you felt yourself being turned around. Your body rotating toward the center of the hangar.

He was there.

Commander Ren was standing behind you. His huge frame towered over you as the haunting metal mask stared down into your soul. He was dressed in layers of all black, his laser sword clipped to his side.

You had never seen anyone more terrifying in your life.

He walked closer to you until his body was inches from your own. Invisible hands forcefully lifted your chin, tilting your head up to look up at him.

The masked creature stared down at you. He didn't speak, but you knew he was angry. You could feel it.

Suddenly, a presence entered your mind. You felt something unfamiliar slip into the cracks of your conscience.

Was he doing this? If so, then why? Didn't you just save his life? Is this how he showed his employees appreciation?

You struggled to understand, but your mind yelled at itself to shutup and stop thinking. You were no longer alone in your thoughts.

Before you could stop yourself, you thought...

"...Hello?"

The presence pulled away from your mind immediately, as the invisible hands that held you released their grip.

The creature continued to glare at you. His cold, metallic gaze daring you to speak.

You didn't. You had learned your lesson about speaking to leadership earlier that morning. Instead, you swung your right hand up to your forehead, entering the traditional First Order salute.

Commander Ren let his gaze linger on you for a few more seconds before he spun around on one foot and exited the hangar. 

You dropped your arm from the salute as relief flooded your body. 

Out in the hangar, The Silencer sat as a quiet confirmation that what you had just experienced had been all too real.

Deep down you knew...your conflict with Kylo Ren had just begun. 

****Kylo has entered the chat! He will be a much bigger part of the next few chapters. I just needed to give the story a solid into! Let me know what you think of pilot kylo!


	3. The Meeting

***TW***: Force use, choking, oxygen deprivation, blatant sexism, verbal sexual harassment, men being dicks

Your standoff with Commander Ren had left you feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. You couldn't wait to get up to your studio and throw yourself into bed, but you waited a few extra moments before leaving the hangar. You didn't want to run the risk of encountering the masked leader in the hallway or on the main shuttle.

After a few moments you deemed the coast clear and made your way out of the hangar. The main hallway was busier now as workers were preparing for the first shift of the day. Not wanting a conversation, you walked with your eyes pointed at the floor.

The door of the shuttle was so close. Just get to your room. You thought.

You were almost there when you heard the familiar, cold voice.

"Ahh Kyber, pilot of 6B6...perfect timing."

Your heart skipped a beat. Captain Crichton was standing in front of the shuttle access, blocking you from entering.

Your head snapped up. "Captain! What a pleasure to see you again so soon." You gave him a weak smile, trying your best to hide the anxiety building in your chest.

His face remained unchanged. "Officer, your commlink was functional this morning, no?" He looked directly into your eyes. "Because it would appear that you failed to hear my command to return to Starkiller immediately upon mission completion."

Your confidence returned as you registered his arrogance. Anger boiled up from somewhere deep in your subconscious. "Sir, with all due respect...I felt the situation required additional observation." Not backing down, you straightened your shoulders. "It turns out, I was right."

He clenched his jaw as he looked down on you. "Right or not Officer, you still disobeyed a direct order from your Captain. I am issuing you another Demerit, level 3."

He smirked, evidently enjoying his power. "I'm sure you understand what that means for you?"

Of course you knew. Receiving two Demerits in one day earned you a one-way ticket to General Hux's office.

You'd never met the General before, but Marco had. From his testimony, you knew that Hux was a hard ass with a wild temper. A meeting with him could only result in one thing. Severe disciplinary action.

After his own meeting, Marco had been forced to run three consecutive 24-hour patrols without a single minute of rest. It was cruel and unusual punishment, but from what you had heard, that was standard for General Hux.

Your anger was no longer subtle. You thought about why you had remained behind, trying to remember why you had felt so compelled to stay. Commander Ren slipped into your mind and you nearly cursed out loud.

I should have just let the bastard die.

But you didn't, you had stayed and warned him.

And now you had to accept the consequences of your actions. Glaring at the Captain, you decided not to push him further. "I understand, Sir. I apologize for my actions."

He remained unphased by your sudden and hostile submission. "Good. You will receive the meeting details within the hour. Until then, you are dismissed." He stalked down the hallway before you could reply.

Within the hour? So much for going back to bed. You scoffed as you boarded the shuttle, pressing the button to direct it towards your housing common area.

You watched the hangars blur by, as the shuttle hurtled parallel to the main hallway. Holding back the tears that threatened to spill, you tried to focus on the positives.

You were safe. Your squad was safe. Avery was safe. The Commander was safe.

No, fuck the Commander. This was all his fault anyway.

And now you were stuck with whatever bizarre, sadistic punishment General Hux had in mind for you.

Moments passed before the shuttle doors opened to your common area. To your initial dismay, the room was full of your entire squad. The whole company was waiting for you to return.

You braced yourself for the wave of insults and smart remarks you knew they were waiting to throw at you.

But none came.

Instead you were greeted by a hard embrace from Avery. Transitioning quickly to a group hug, as Thomas, Darian and Marco ran up behind him and hugged you from the sides.

The dismay you initially felt quickly washed way as you realized they were waiting for you not to ridicule or embarrass you, but to make sure you were safe.

Breaking the hug, Avery said your real name as he looked down at you. "Holy shit, I'm glad to see you." His face fell as the sentence trailed off. "When you didn't come back, we thought...well we thought you had gotten yourself into serious trouble or worse..."

You gave them a reassuring smile. "Well, I'm only in a little trouble..."

One of your other teammates spoke up. "What happened? Why didn't you jump with us?

You started to tell them the truth but something deep inside urged you to keep your interaction with The Silencer and its pilot a secret. So you improvised.

"I spotted a remaining X-Wing at the last minute and I didn't want to leave any witnesses to the attack." A few of them nodded, they were buying it so far. "...the longer it takes the Resistance to learn their transport has been destroyed, the longer our advantage will last."

Avery shook his head in agreement. "Ok, well that makes sense..."

Marco raised his eyebrows slightly at your story. "Yeah, but that doesn't explain why the Captain basically pushed us out of the hanger before you could return."

"True." Darian jumped in. "From the way he was acting we thought you had fucked up big time."

Your breath caught in your throat. Crichton had rushed them out. Why? You decided to probe for more information.

"That is strange...did he mention why?" You scanned their faces as you asked, searching for any signs of suspicion.

Thomas was now sitting on a rolling chair at one of the tables, spinning around in circles. He paused for a moment and faced you. "Nah, but I did overhear an engineer say something about The Silencer inbound behind you." He stood up, visibly dizzy from the spinning. "I think they just wanted to clear the hangar for his majesty, Kylo Ren."

Darian put his arm over your shoulders as all you started towards the elevator. "Tommy boy is probably right. I've heard Ren is a Diva."

In the elevator you started to relax a little bit. That is until you glanced up to see Marco staring at you intently.

"Kyber, did you see him? Commander Ren?" His eyes stayed fixed you as he asked.

The whole elevator remained silent, anxiously awaiting your response.

"No" You quickly lied. "He must have arrived after I had left the hangar."

"Hm." Marco pursed his lips together not breaking eye contact with you.

You panicked. Why were you lying? It's not like you had done anything wrong. You had nothing to hide...But yet somehow you felt like helping Ren was a dirty secret that you had to stash away. 

You had to give them something. Something to get them off your scent and distract them from their lingering suspicion about your interaction with The Silencer.

"I did get in trouble though. Crichton met me in the hall and issued me another Demerit. A level 3 this time." You let your voice fall off, leaving them to fill in the blanks.

It worked. They were immediately invested.

"Woah, two in one day?"

"A level three?"

"Wait...does that mean you have to..."

"Oh my gods, Ky"

"RIP"

Marco finally broke off his unrelenting stare. You had escaped his suspicion for now. He loved to talk about General Hux.

"Hux is a little bitch deep down. You'll be fine." He patted you on the shoulder as you exited the elevator and entered the corridor connecting to your studios. "Just make direct eye contact and don't be afraid to speak up. He preys on the weak."

You nodded, actually thankful for the advice.

"Also...you should probably practice staying awake for three days straight." Winking, he added. "If you need help with that, you know where to find me."

Perfect. Back to normal.

Your team started walking to their rooms, most of them offering you encouragement on the way in.

"Glad to have you back, Ky!"

"You were awesome today"

"Let us know how the meeting goes."

"You've got this, kid."

You smiled. Suddenly, you felt much better. They were right. You did have this. Everything would be fine. You could handle some punishment.

Thomas called your name before opening his door.

"Yeah, I hate to be that guy butttt...you were the last one back." He smirked. "Drinks tonight? Troppers Pub?"

Damn. You'd forgotten about the bet.

"Sure thing, Tom." A deal was a deal.

You also had a feeling that after the day you'd already had, and knowing what was still to come, the bar is exactly where you'd end up.

Your friends filtered into their rooms until it was just you and your brother in the hallway.

"You sure you're alright?" He was genuinely concerned.

"All good." You scanned your ID on the pad outside your door, permitting it to click open. You stepped inside and turned to face him.

"I think I'm just going to work on my speech for Hux, maybe take a nap if I have time."

He nodded. "A nap first. You need to rest." He smiled sarcastically. "While you can."

You matched his smile. "See you later, Ace."

He waved to you as he walked towards his own room. You shut the door, leaned against it, and slid to the floor.

The events of the past few hours replayed over and over in your head. You tried to search for the will to stand up, maybe make it to the couch, but you couldn't. Instead you remained propped up against the door, sitting on the cold tile.

You let yourself relive the mission. You remembered the bombing runs, the cocky resistance pilot, The Silencer exiting lightspeed...

The way Commander Ren flew.

Wild, uncontrolled, reckless but somehow precisely calculated...

Where had he learned those maneuvers? They certainly weren't teaching them at the First Order flight academy.

Somewhere within you, a new emotion rose to the surface.

Jealously.

Why didn't you know how to fly like that? Why didn't your whole team know how to fly like that? If every TIE in the First Order could destroy X-Wings like it was a sport, then this war would be over tomorrow.

More importantly, your team would be safe. Deep down you knew the 2103 had gotten lucky today. Had the resistance assigned more planes to defend the transport, things would have ended differently.

You remained on the floor for a few more moments before finally deciding it was time to function again.

Standing and entering your refresher, you striped off your uniform and placed your grandmother's necklace on the vanity. You decided to take a shower. The water would certainly wake you up and hopefully give you the clarity of mind you so desperately needed.

Settled under the stream of lukewarm water, you let your mind continue to wander over the happenings of the morning. The jealously you felt towards The Silencer and its pilot, still lingering over your thoughts.

Slowly and insidiously, an idea planted itself in your mind.

If your squad could learn a fraction of the skill Ren had, they would undoubtedly be protected in another encounter with the resistance.

And of course, they could aid The First Order more effectively.

You let out a cynical laugh. A TIE fighter actually fighting well? Unheard of.

But what if you could teach the TIEs to fly offensively? Would the First Order allow such additional training to take place?

You can't teach what you don't know. Your thoughts rang loudly in your ears.

Then I'll learn.

But how?

Maybe they had some old training guides or TIE manuals in the archives you could study. If so, perhaps you could find some free time to practice in your ship and teach yourself. You were certain with enough time and the proper clearance to train; you could learn to fly offensively.

And then you could teach the others.

A plan started to take shape.

You thought about the major hoops you'd need to jump through to get your plan into action. The main hurtle would be receiving the clearance from leadership to train yourself and teach nonstandard procedures. As you'd witnessed several times today, First Order leadership was not particularly openminded. Especially now that Captain Crichton had you on his hit list.

Bringing your proposal to Crichton would be a mistake, he'd never listen. Unfortunately, he was the only member of leadership you had direct contact with. You didn't have access to any other captains or –Generals.

General Hux.

The meeting.

You did have an upcoming audience with a First Order General. If you could manage to get Hux on board your success was nearly guaranteed.

The exact moment you allowed yourself to feel hopeful, a sinking feeling consumed you.

This meeting wasn't for pitching ideas. This meeting was for receiving punishment.

Well...maybe it could be for both.

You stepped out of the shower. Wrapping yourself in a large black towel, you made your way out into your main room and over to your bag. You pulled you your datapad.

Sure enough, you had an unopened message.

______________________________

Message 001480

SENT 0818

Sender: STARKILLER DISICPINARY COMMITTEE

Officer *Y/N*, TIE 6B6

Issuance of the following Demerits has merited action from the SDC:

1\. Demerit, Level 2. Issuer: Captain Michael D. Crichton.

2\. Demerit, Level 3. Issuer: Captain Michael D. Crichton.

According to First Order statue 91.205(B)(iii)(c), the issuance of multiple Demerits of a Level 2 or greater within a single 24-hour period warrants action from the Starkiller Disciplinary Committee.

The first phase in the corrective process constitutes a mandatory meeting with the SDC Chairman, General Armitage Hux.

Your meeting is scheduled for today at 0930

Please promptly report to the administration offices of Hangar 4, at your scheduled time.

______________________________

0930.

Observing at the clock in your kitchen, you noted the current time. 0826.

You had an hour. Turning back into the refresher you glanced in the mirror.

Your wet hair, the dark circles under your eyes and your overall demeanor of exhaustion, contributed to a reflection that was not going to give you any advantage.

Thankful for the time buffer, you took the time to blow out your hair. Using a round brush you let the heat from the dryer curve your hair into soft, voluminous waves. Once it was dry, you ran your fingers through your hair, parting it down the middle and giving it some texture, adjusting the waves to frame your face.

Turning your attention to your skin, you pulled your makeup bag out of the bottom drawer. You rarely wore makeup at work for the simple fact it was impractical for your position. Pilots operated on short response times and wore a helmet in a ship by themselves. It didn't make sense to spend time and effort applying makeup for it to be seen by no one.

You wore it occasionally when you were preparing for a night out with the guys or when hitting the bar on a day off.

Or when heading to a meeting with General Hux.

You applied a light base of foundation, patted your cheeks with some blush and applied a generous layer of mascara. To finish off the look, you lightly brushed over your lips with a red wine tinted moisturizer. Providing your lips a slight berry colored pout.

Satisfied with your reflection, you turned and shuffled back into your closet. Slipping off the towel you'd been wearing as a dress, you changed into a fresh pair of black undergarments. Eying the rows of black and grey, your gaze stopped on a formal uniform in the back corner.

You had only worn your formal uniform a handful of times. Once at your graduation from the academy, and once at a dinner welcoming a new Director to Flight Operations.

You pulled the uniform from its resting place and put it on.

The First Order uniform was tailored and neat. The black suit jacket covered your entire chest, and enclosed your neck in a stiff, circular collar. The First Order insignia was prominent on the left shoulder of the nearly asymmetrical blazer and three silver stripes wrapped around the wrists of the sleeves, indicating your position as a pilot. Fastening with virtually invisible clasps, a thick silver belt wrapped around your waistline.

The uniform could be worn with suit pants and black knee-high boots, or for a more ceremonial look, a pencil shirt and black, pointed heels.

You decided on the second option. Might as well go all in.

Slipping into the black shirt and high heels, you took one final look in the mirror.

The woman staring back at you looked feminine and beautiful. More importantly, she looked professional and powerful.

You felt the way you looked. Confident and capable.

Adding the final invisible touch, you latched your Grandmother's black stone necklace around your neck, tucking it under the collar of the suit.

You checked the time. 0915.

Time to go.

Leaving your room, you moved quicky and deliberately towards the elevator. Even though you felt confident, you didn't want any run-ins with your squad until after the meeting. You needed to stay focused.

As you exited the lift and crossed the common area, your elevated appearance turned some heads. But no one dared speak to you.

Good. It was just the effect you wanted.

You entered the shuttle and pressed the button for hangar 4. The shuttle quickly hurled into motion, rapidly paralleling the familiar hallway.

A short ride later the door opened as the recognizable electronic voice announced, "Hangar 4."

Stepping out of the shuttle, you were immediately transported into a bustling, new world. Hangar 4 was the hub for all First Order flight operations. All administrative work was coordinated through the executive offices overlooking the hangar. The leadership offices were on the top floor.

Nearby, an elevator sat adjacent to the hangar entrance. You knew this would take you up to the admin levels.

As you walked up to the lift, you glanced around at the mass of employees shuffling through the hallway. Stormtroopers, secretaries, pilots, engineers, and droids crossed paths like worker bees in a hive.

To your pleasant surprise, many of the admin officers were wearing their formal uniforms. You didn't stick out at all in hangar 4. In fact, from the outside looking in, you must have looked like you belonged perfectly.

In the elevator, you pressed the button for the top floor and held your breath as the doors rolled shut.

Remember your plan. Remember your plan. Remember your plan.

You would apologize for the Demerits, accept your punishment, and then somehow try to pitch the General your idea.

You reminded yourself that your proposal would only benefit the First Order. You weren't pitching a plan with drawbacks of any sort. The research, training and implementation would be all on you to provide. No extra work would be required from your Captain or from the flight ops division. All you needed was the green light. You needed permission to use the aircraft after hours and permission to access the TIE archives for your research, that was all.

It was a no brainier. A win-win. The First Order would get their very first squad of proficient, offensive pilots and you would get the satisfaction of knowing that your team had the tools to fight back.

The doors to the offices opened.

You stepped out into a large circular lobby. It was made entirely of black and grey marble. A gigantic First Order logo was cut into the marble in the center of the floor. Dozens of doors circled the lobby that you assumed, lead to the offices of the First Order higher ups. Each door had two stormtroopers guarding it on either side. A small reception area lined the back of the wall.

Your heels clacked on the marble as you made your way to the receptionist. As you neared the counter, you could see the time reflect on the clock behind her desk.

0928\. Perfect, right on time.

The receptionist, an older, fragile looking woman gazed up at you with wide rimmed glasses.

"Name and identification" she muttered ritualistically.

You spoke your name clearly and confidently, practicing the tone you wanted to use on General Hux. Unclipping your ID badge from its residence on your left hip, you handed it over the counter 

She grabbed it nonchalantly, tapping away at her computer. She then picked up the phone and pressed only one button.

"Yes, I have the pilo-..." she stopped mid-sentence, listening to the other end momentarily before returning the phone to the hook.

"General Hux will see you know." As she spoke, she pointed toward the line of doors. "First door on your right."

You thanked her before taking your ID back.

Slowly pacing towards the door you tried to contain your nervousness.

Remember your plan. Remember your plan. Remember your plan.

You could do this.

You greeted the stormtroopers outside the entry with a quick nod, which they both ignored, and prepared yourself to knock on the black door.

Were you supposed to knock? Or just go in? Listening briefly outside the door you could hear voices on the other side.

That's strange, you thought. Maybe he was on the phone...

I'd better knock. Barely breathing, you knocked twice.

"Yes, yes come in." An irritated voice barked at you from inside the office.

Attempting one last deep breath, you opened the door to the General's office.

Just as you had gathered the generous breath, you felt it being sucked out as you gazed into the spacious, black room.

The office itself was nearly the same size as your entire studio apartment. The black and grey marble from the lobby continued throughout the room. The back wall closest to the entry door was covered in computer monitors and holograph displays, showing footage of various First Order bases and operations. On the opposite side of the room, the far wall was made of glass and overlooked the entirety of hangar 4. The glass wall was so large, that even from your position in the doorway, you could nearly see all aircraft flying in and out of the hangar.

To account for the large window, the ceiling was impressively high. It mimicked the rounded shape of the lobby and was supported by multiple black pillars that cast long shadows over the room. In the center of the office, between the pillars and directly under the domed ceiling, sat an impossibly huge desk. Cut from black stone, the desk looked heavier than your TIE.

Behind the desk, in a high-backed leather chair, sat General Hux.

The room was rather intimidating, but something else gnawed at you instantaneously. The energy in the office was...strange. You felt the same way you had felt in the hangar earlier that morning.

Like something...someone...was present in your mind. You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but you didn't have the time to investigate your feelings further.

General Hux had spotted you and was now waving you closer towards him. You continued to move forward. Remembering what Marco had told you, you searched for eye contact immediately.

Under the slick red hair and above the sharp pale cheekbones, you met the gaze the General's green eyes.

As he looked you up and down, a cruel smile crossed over his lips. "Darling, it would appear you're lost."

Speak up, speak clearly, don't show emotion and remember your plan. You chanted in your mind.

"General, I have a meeting with you at 0930. I presume I did not misunderstand the summoning?" you kept your head high as you tried your best to portray confidence.

His face quickly turned into a scowl as he shuffled through a stack of papers on his desk. Finding the one he was looking for, he brought it up to his face and read your name aloud.

"That's...you? You're the pilot 6B6?"

You nodded your head. "Yes, General."

He slowly stood up from the monstrosity of a desk. His tall, lean form began to stalk towards you. "Well my Dear, you're certainly not what I was expecting." His eyes moved deliberately over your body. "Had I known you looked like this..." he gestured down your frame. "I would have requested a more private setting for our get-together.

He moved closer now, only a few feet away from you. His menacing stare reiterated in an ominous smile.

You felt a chill run down your spine.

General Hux is a fucking perv.

As soon as the thought crossed your mind, a sound came from behind you. It sounded like someone clearing their throat, or...huffing perhaps, but it was somehow distorted. Instinctively you turned to locate the origin of the sound.

Your heart nearly stopped.

There in the shadow of one of the black pillars, stood Commander Ren.

He was standing so precisely in the shadows that you hadn't noticed him until now.

Suddenly, you understood the energy of the room and the existent weight inside your mind.

It was him.

Wait, could he hear your thoughts?

If he could, he showed no indication of it as his large figure began to move briskly towards the General. Coming to a stop in between the two of you.

"General, I trust you remember why we are here?" his deep, electronic voice echoed through the room.

Huxs's eyes narrowed at the intrusion. "Of course, Commander."

Hux reluctantly moved back into his extravagant chair, and half-heartedly waved for you to have a seat opposing him.

You took a seat, letting your eyes bounce back and forth from General Hux to Commander Ren.

Why was he here? Your brain was screaming for clarity, while your fight or flight instincts were preparing you to bolt out the door.

"Officer, we are here to discuss the events of this morning." General Hux addressed you properly for the first time. "Your Captain was adamant that you disobeyed his direct order to retreat from Chandrila."

Inhaling quietly you prepared to recite your speech on how sorry you were and how you would accept any punishment he deemed necessary. As you opened your mouth to speak, he raised a hand to stop you.

"However, Commander Ren has just informed me that the order to call the TIEs back to Starkiller was not Captain Crichton's, but his own." Hux paused briefly. "Therefore, the issuance of the Level 3 Demerit was not within Crichton's right to assign." He went on "Consequently—"

Commander Ren abruptly moved his hand through the air, immediately cutting off the General's sentence. "You disobeyed me. Not your Captain." He took a step forward, now standing on your side of the large desk. 

"Your punishment will not be up to the SDC." His cold, metallic voice sent goosebumps up your arms. "It will be up to me."

General Hux remained unphased by the interruption. He was clearly accustomed to Ren's frequent interjections. He continued to address you. "Consequently, your reprimand no longer falls within the statue of First Order regulation 91.205, but will be at the discretion of Commander Ren."

Within seconds, your carefully laid plan had been thrown out the window. You fought down the equally dominant feelings of fear and resentment. Your mind was running wild.

Commander Ren wanted to assign your punishment? Was he serious? You were only in this mess because of him! And now he was jumping at the chance to personally penalize you? That sick, sadistic motherfu—

The next few things happened quickly, and simultaneously.

Your chair was ripped out from under you by an invisible hand. Before you could fall to the floor, that same invisible grip pulled you up into the air by your neck, cutting off your blood flow and oxygen supply.

You gasped as you dangled in mid-air, attempting to grab at the nonexistent hands holding your throat, struggling to claw them away.

Commander Ren extended his hand and brought you within inches of himself, raising you up even further to match his eye level.

He spoke in a muted tone that was surprisingly even more intimidating. "Control your thoughts, Officer." His rich tone dropped into an even lower volume. "If you are unable to do so, I suggest you get comfortable in this position."

He released you. Causing you to fall at his feet, your knees and hands smacking against the marble floor.

Air flooded back into your lungs as you gasped, trying to catch your breath.

So he could read your mind. You winced as you stood to your feet, limbs aching from the impact. 

You wanted to scream. Get the fuck out of my head then!

But you choked down the flood of curses and insults that sprung to the tip of your tongue, knowing that if they spilled out, he would undoubtedly kill you. 

Speaking through clenched teeth, you glared up at the metal mask. "My apologies, Commander."

Standing just inches apart, he loomed over you. 

"Good girl." He spoke quietly, almost a whisper.

Further utilizing his magic, he rapidly flicked his hand through the air, physically pushing you out of his way as he began taking long strides towards the office door.

General Hux had turned his attention towards his holograph panel, evidently bored by Ren's tantrum. Breaking eye contact with his screens for a moment he glanced at you. "You will be reporting to Commander Ren for sentencing." He gave your figure one last look over. "That will be all for now, Officer."

You gave the General a curt nod and turned to follow Commander Ren out of the office. You relocated slowly, hoping to put distance between you and Ren.

Unfortunately, as you exited Hux's office, you saw the Commander standing outside the open elevator, waiting for you.

Shit. Of course he wou--.

Wait, no. Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking.

Walking past Commander Ren and into the elevator you held your head high and tried hard to suppress your thoughts.

He noiselessly followed you inside and waved his hand, forcing the door to shut prematurely.

Seconds passed, but the elevator didn't move.

Your heart skipped a beat as you saw him shift in your peripherals. His hands clasped behind his back as he gradually rotated his body towards you.

"Your first assignment will begin tonight at 1800. You will meet me in the Command Center of hangar 4."

You shallowed the lump in your throat as you continued to stare straight ahead. "Yes, Commander."

"You will prepare a flight navigation log and patrol plan for the planet Chandrila." He took a step closer to you.

Your heart rate increased.

No. Don't panic, stop thinking.

"Yes, Commander."

He waved his hand and the elevator slowly sprang into motion.

In attempt to distract yourself from thinking, you let your eyes fall to the floor and tried to focus on your breathing. As your eyes scanned down, you noticed your skirt was smudged with dirt. No doubt the result of your interaction with the floor moments earlier.

Absentmindedly, you brushed the dust off your skirt and readjusted your blazer in the process. You smoothed your hair around your face and straightened your posture.

Even if you had just been thrown around like a rag doll by an egotistical maniac, you weren't going to walk around looking like it. You had a reputation to maintain. You would remain professional and civil.

The next thought came before you could stop it.

Because unlike him, you could control yourself . Some fucking Commander he was, throwing tantrums like a child.

Commander Ren flicked his wrist and the elevator stopped abruptly.

Fuck.

This time the hand that wrapped around your throat was real.

In one swift motion he had grabbed you by the neck and slammed you into the side of the elevator, his huge body pinning you to the cold, steel wall.

"If you don't control your thoughts, I'll mark you with more than just some fucking dust." He was nearly growling.

In a futile attempt to pry it away, you grabbed at his impossibly large hand as it griped your neck. "P--pl--please" you choked on the words as your vision quickly blurred.

You were going to pass out.

He released some pressure from your jugular, just enough for you to fill your lungs with a shallow breath. His hand kept tight pressure on your throat as your vision cleared.

The elevator started moving again but the Commander kept you pinned to the wall.

His legs still restraining your body, he used his other hand to grab a fistful of your skirt. Harshly tugging on the fabric, his grip threatened to rip it. Leaning down to speak directly into your ear, he spoke in the same unnerving, muted tone as before. "...don't ever wear this again."

A loud chime filled the compartment, signaling the end of the elevator's journey. Ren immediately freed you from his grasp. You slid down the wall and on to the floor, hyperventilating as oxygen fought to renter your chest.

The elevator door flew open and the Commander moved to stand in the doorway. He stared down at you as you brought your hand up to lightly brush your throat, wincing at the contact.

"1800 tonight, Officer." His voice had returned to its normal register. "Don't be late."

He spat the last part of his sentence over his shoulder as he was already stalking away.

Still trying to catch your breath, you knew you had to stand up quickly to avoid being seen slouched against the wall.

You used the wall as an anchor of support, pushing off of it to bring yourself back up to your feet. 

Heat flushed your face as you walked out of the elevator and through the crowds hustling around the main hallway.

You made your way to the shuttle that would take you back to your common area.

Lost in your thoughts, you mindlessly went through the motions and soon found yourself behind your door, safely in your studio.

The panic that you had been holding inside finally overflowed. You felt yourself hyperventilating again as you finally allowed your body to register what it had just been through. Hot tears streamed down your face as you threw yourself onto the bed, crying into your pillow.

Your heart sunk even further as you slowly registered the full reality of your situation.

Kylo Ren was a monster and you were his to punish.

His last words replayed in your mind.

"1800 tonight, Officer."

"Don't be late."


	4. An Enigma

***TW: Choking, bruising, bleeding, emotional distress, light descriptive violence, Force use

You must have fallen asleep.

You woke up to the sound of someone banging on your door.

As your body moved vertically from the bed and staggered through the room, your eyes searched for the kitchen clock.

1424.

You were not sure what time you had come back to the room, but from the way your muscles felt you figured you had been asleep for several hours. The sleep had allowed your body to accept the physical consequences of your altercation with Commander Ren.

Walking to the door you winced as you recognized a splitting headache and soreness around your neck. Oddly, you noticed the back of your head was stinging just as much as your throat.

Damn him.

Your visitor knocked aggressively and continuously. From outside the door you could hear a voice.

"Kyber, if you're in there open up!" it was Avery.

"No one has heard from you and I'm worried." His voice sounded slightly panicked. "Listen, if you don't want to talk just knock back or something...at least let me know you're safe."

Tears started to form in your eyes again. You would always be able to count on him.

You opened the door.

Avery was standing in your doorway wearing standard issue exercise clothing.

"Ky! You're here! I—woah...what the hell happened to you?!" You watched his face as the initial look of relief slowly turned into an expression of horror.

You squished your eyebrows together and looked down at your formal uniform. It was a bit out of place and slightly wrinkled from your nap but looked relatively normal.

You opened your mouth but instead of hearing your voice, you were surprised by a raspy, unrecognizable sound exiting your throat.

"Whh...what...are you talking about?" you managed to croak out the question as you coughed, attempting to clear your throat.

Avery continued to stare at you in disbelief as he pulled you into your room, walking you into your refresher and turning you towards the mirror.

You flinched at your reflection.

A combination of mascara and tears stained your puffy, red face. Dark red bruises spanned around the entirety your neckline, vaguely mimicking the pattern of a large hand. Your eyes narrowed as you noticed a trail of dried blood moving from the back of your head, down around your ears and into the collar of your uniform.

Impulsively, you reached behind your head, towards the center of the stinging sensation. Wincing, you located the source of the bleeding. 

Towards the back of your skull, you felt the outline of an opening in your skin. The edges of the small gash intermingled with your hair and had left the surrounding area covered with blood that had now dried together in a tangled mat.

Your lip started to quiver as you remembered the way Kylo Ren had thrown you against the metal wall of the elevator. At the time, your adrenaline had masked the true condition of your body. 

Now it was obvious that the force of the impact had literally spilt your head. You couldn't stop yourself. The tears came again.

Avery grabbed you sympathetically as you fell into his chest, sobbing into his shirt.

"Hux did this to you?" you could feel him shaking with anger.

You shook your head against his chest. "C-Co-Commander Ren."

You felt Avery inhale deeply. "I'm going to get you into the shower, and we are going to clean this up." His shaking fingers lightly trailed around the dried blood in your hair.

"...and then I'm going to go murder Kylo fucking Ren."

You pulled away from him. "No, no no no he will kill you." You used your sleeve to dry your face. "Please A, don't say anything. Not to him, not to anyone."

His face displayed the anger boiling inside. 

"You know I can't promise that Ky, just look at yourself!"

You started to speak but he rested a hand on your shoulder, allowing his emotions to settle momentarily.

"Listen, let's just get you cleaned up and then we can talk about it, ok?" he was turning you towards the shower. "Get in and take your time." He searched around in your vanity and pulled out the first aid kit. "I'll be waiting outside."

He left the refresher and gently closed the door, leaving you behind.

A shower did sound great. The water always seemed to calm you and recenter your mind.

Stripping off your uniform, you threw it on the floor with surprising force. Your emotions started to shift as you stared down at the wrinkled fabric.

The Commander's words seemed to echo through the tiled room.

"...don't ever wear this again."

What was he even referring to? It was your assigned uniform. Why did it bother him so much?

You turned the shower on and stepped inside. The warm water fell over your tender scalp, running dark red as it washed the blood away from your hair and neck.

You thought about Kylo Ren.

You remembered his strong hands gripping your skirt, pulling on it as if his goal was to rip it into pieces.

Was it the skirt he hated then?

Before you could stop the image from materializing, your imagination took the leap.

You pictured Commander Ren tearing off your skirt and throwing it to the floor. The shredded pieces falling around your high heels. His hand moving directly on your legs, slowly dividing them...

Hold on. What the actual fuck.

You scolded yourself internally for conjuring the unwanted image.

Again, you heard his voice.

"...don't ever wear this again."

His electronic tone had been different than before. Dominating, smooth and almost...sensual No, that couldn't be right, you had to be misunderstanding his energy.

But despite yourself, you wondered what he would do to you if you did wear the uniform skirt again. A small part of your mind tried to return to the moment in the elevator and fantasize it further.

The more you thought about the encounter, the more confused you became.

If his goal was to hurt you, then why did he release pressure from your throat and allow you to breathe? Why did he not just kill you?

Your head swam with thoughts as you tried to scrub away the entire morning.

Turning off the water and wrapping up in a fluffy, black towel, you exited the shower and made your way out of the refresher.

Avery was waiting for you on the couch. His feet propped up on the coffee table, watching your holovision.

"Make yourself at home then, Ace."

He squinted his eyes. "Feeling better so soon?" he held up the first aid kit and waved you over with it.

You shuffled towards the couch, plopping down on the floor in front of him.

He carefully maneuvered around your hair with his fingers, looking at the wound. "Now that it's clean, it doesn't look too bad. A little topo-gel will fix it up." He uncapped a small vile of gel.

You shivered as you felt the tingling, healing gel being applied to the back of your head.

The stinging immediately subsided and was replaced by a dull throbbing sensation.

"Let that dry for a bit and it will be good as new."

He dug around in the kit and pulled out a small bottle of pills. ""But for those bruises, all you have is pain reliever. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do about them other than wait for them to heal."

"Fucking perfect." You muttered under your breath. The last thing you needed was for your friends to see the handprint embedded on your neckline. Marco alone would never let you hear the end of it.

Concealer and scarves would have to do...

"Now...let's talk about Kylo Ren." Avery stood up from the couch and offered you a hand, encouraging you to stand up.

You accepted the help and used his hand to pull yourself up, ignoring his request for information. 

Instead, you made your way into the closet. Opening the dresser, you threw on your undergarments and selected a pair of black leggings and a long sleeve, dark grey sweatshirt.

You heard his voice from outside the closet. "Ky, you can talk to me you know...I promise I won't try to kill Commander Ren if you don't want me too." His voice was softer now as he teased you.

"You're welcome to try." You felt yourself laugh. "But then I'll have to get used to being an only child."

Exiting the closet in your comfy clothes, you went back to sit on the couch. Patting the cushion with your hand, you silently invited him to come sit by you.

Avery settled down and rotated so he was facing you completely. He kicked his feet up on the table again. "Spill it, kid."

You sighed.

And then told him everything.

You told him about the mission, and why you had really stayed behind. You told him about how you had used planesense on Ren and how he had shut you out. You told him about encountering the Commander in the hangar afterwards and how he had dug around in your mind.

The confessional ended with you telling him about the meeting, and the confrontation in the elevator.

He sat in silence for a moment, processing the story.

Speaking your name, he brought his hand up to rub his forehead.

"Damn, I'm so sorry that happened..." He grabbed your hand. 

"You know none of this is your fault, right?" he added "...and you don't ever have to keep it bottled up, I'm always here to listen."

You smiled at him. A real, genuine smile. You decided to never lie to him again. It did help to confide in someone. Truthfully, you felt much better getting it off your chest.

He smiled back and let go of your hand. 

"Hey, I forgot to mention, Miranda is coming over tonight before we all go out to Trooper's. If you need some girls time...or whatever..." He rubbed his neck, struggling with the phraseology. "I know she would love to see you and she's a great listener. She has helped me through a lot..."

You patted his shoulder as you stood to your feet. "Yeah, yeah I know. I'll think about telling her. Just don't say anything for now...ok?"

He motioned his hands over his lips, sealing them with an imaginative zipper. "No worries sis, I'm a vault of information." 

He piped up again. "You're coming out to Trooper's tonight, right? I think we could all use the night off."

You instinctively nodded as you walked towards the kitchen and turned the coffee pot on.

Suddenly, you heard the cold, electronic voice seep into your mind uninvited.

"1800, Officer."

"Don't be late"

You froze. Avery gave you a curious look.

"Actually, I just remembered. My punishment starts tonight." You rolled your eyes. "Commander Ren has already given me an assignment. 1800 show tonight"

His eyebrows rose. "Woah, already?"

"Yeah, he wants me to chart a patrol of Chandrila." 

The Commander's request came running back into your consciousness. "I have no idea why we'd be going back so soon." You spoke quietly, mumbling to yourself. "Maybe he didn't find what he was looking for the first time..."

You looked over at the clock as the coffee began to brew.

1545.

You had roughly two hours before you had to meet Commander Ren in Hangar 4. Plenty of time to map out the planet's surface and plan a standard patrol.

Avery stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchenette.

"Thomas will think you're just trying to get out of buying him beer." He laughed. "But I'll throw them off your scent. I'll tell them General Hux has you pulling extra shifts as punishment."

You gave him a shallow smile. "Thanks, Ace."

Giving you a half hug, he walked towards the door. "I'll get out of your hair and let you get planning."

Hugging him, you added. "Tell Mandy I said hello... I really do miss her." You let your voice trail off.

"Ky, don't sweat it, it's fine." He chuckled as he opened the door. "She's been dating a pilot for a year. She knows the schedule is rough."

You gasped a little at his slip up. "Wait, dating? When did that happen?"

He tried to backtrack. "No, I didn't mean dating dating...I meant hanging out. We're friends."

You rolled your eyes. "Whatever you say, A."

He smirked. "Just try not to piss off Commander Ren again. I'd hate to be the only child."

You flipped him off...but smiled.

"Bye, Ace." You paused. "...love you."

He looked surprised at your admission but smiled back. "Love you too, sis."

"...be safe." He added.

The door clicked shut.

Walking back into the kitchen, you poured yourself a cup of coffee, grabbed your datapad and headed for the couch.

Sinking down into the cushions, you pulled up your flight planning software.

Time to get to work

______________________________________________________________________________

1730

The flight plan was ready and the patrol path for Chandrila was marked. You had even had time to make dinner, blow dry your hair, and send your formal uniform down to the dry cleaner's.

You had changed into your standard black flight suit and leather jacket, your necklace tucked securely inside.

In the refresher, you braided your hair into two even braids and twisted the ends into two buns at the base of your neck. You pulled out a few pieces of hair to frame your face.

Reluctantly, you found yourself rummaging around in your makeup bag.

You did your makeup for the second time that day, applying it nearly the same as before.

Why were you doing this? Who cared what you looked like?

You argued with yourself as you smeared extra coverup on your jawline, attempting to mask the bruising.

The coverup did its job well. The angry handprint was barely visible now.

Your watch read 1745 as you grabbed your flight bag and walked out the door.

The route to Hangar 4 was crowded, as first shift and third shift were swapping positions. The main hallway was virtually full, causing you to bump into multiple workers on your way to the elevator.

You'd never been to the command center before, but you knew it was the floor below the administrative offices you had been in that morning.

Entering the elevator, you were followed by several other First Order officers and technicians. One of the technicians pressed the floor for the command center.

During the entire ride, you couldn't stop staring at the wall across from you. Fleetingly reliving the conflict from earlier.

The door to the command center opened and the others filed out quickly. You were the last to exit the elevator as you stared ahead in awe.

The command center was gigantic. The black room housed hundreds of data screens, computer monitors and control panels. Including one large circuit breaker board that circled the perimeter of the room.

The back wall was made completely of glass, giving you the same view you had seen from General Hux's office.

One large, elevated walkway cut through the center of the room and led to a large flight deck in front of the glass wall. This primary command deck seemed to hold two dozen stations. You assumed this was for the First Order higher-ups to control the hangar operations. 

Worker substations were scattered around the room in small black pods that spanned below the elevated isle and out towards the walls.

There were hundreds of First Order employees in this one room alone. You glanced up at the elevated walkway and the primary command deck. You could see the outline of at least 20 people. One figure in particular stood out from the rest.

Commander Ren.

The back of your head started to throb again, as you made your way up the steps, and started along the elevated walkway, towards the Commander.

His back was facing you as he stared out into the vast Hangar, hands clasped behind his back. You came to a stop a short distance behind him.

The deep metallic voice sent a shiver down your spine. 

"You're late."

You looked at your watch. 1800. "Commander, with all due respect it is exactl--"

He pivoted viciously, closing the sizable gap between the two of you with one stride.

Ah, shit here we go...

Your heart skipped a beat as you attempted to anticipate his next move. He stared straight down, his helmet slightly swaying back and forth as he inspected you.

Was he was studying the skin around your neck? Could he see the bruises?

Several moments passed before he spoke.

"Follow me."

He stalked away, moving swiftly down the elevated walkway.

You turned to trail him, rushing to keep up with his long strides and quickly falling behind as he turned past the elevator and into a long hallway outside the command center.

Picking up your pace, you saw him round the corner and enter a small room. The door was marked, Briefing Room 1.

Following him inside, you surveyed your surroundings. The small, black room was adorned with a long rectangular table that took up the majority of the space. Ten round, swivel back chairs sat around the table, and the back wall was made of glass, facing the hangar. You were starting to detect a trend in the First Order design style.

Commander Ren waved his hand through the air sharply. Forcing the door to slam shut behind you. He motioned the same hand down to the large table, signaling for you to sit.

You chose a seat in the middle as he sat down at the head of the table, his back facing the large window.

"Your flight plan, Officer." His voice weighed heavy with authority. "Show me."

Deep breaths, concentrate, you've got this.

You encouraged yourself internally as you brought out your datapad and pulled up the plan for Chandrila. Flipping on the holograph function, your flight plan leapt off the pad and displayed in midair, over the center of the table.

Pushing through your nerves, you tried to speak clearly and confidently.

You described your patrol strategy for the system. Giving details on the visual waypoints you would use, as well as the ground based navigational aids available on the planet. You talked about fuel consumption, wind correction and resource management, along with several other logistical elements.

Overall, it was a standard First Order patrol operation. You had done hundreds of them before and were not concerned with the logistics.

Even though this itinerary was for an entire planet, and not one of your typical circuits, the objective would surely remain the same.

The responsibilities of a standard patrol were simple: scan for smugglers, track unregulated trade patterns, and most importantly, report any sightings of the Resistance.

You were also aware of the unspoken objective. It was important for the First Order to keep citizens aware of their presence.

You had planned to conclude your brief with a time evaluation. Based off your calculations, you could provide the estimated time frame required to complete a full surface patrol of Chandrila.

The Commander had been quiet throughout the entire brief; however, you were certain he would not like your time frame.

"The calculated time to completion will be..." you hesitated. "120 hours."

He stood up. 

Moving towards the glass wall, he began pacing. His quiet demeanor was gone within seconds, like it had never existed.

"It will take you five days?" 

Even with the mask on, you could tell he was scowling. "Five days to circle one goddamned planet?"

Against your better judgment, you felt the need to defend yourself.

"Commander, please understand..." You tried to keep your tone neutral. "This is an outline for a full-scale patrol of an entire planet, done with only one TIE." Hesitating again, you added. "If you were to assign this mission to a squadron or a legion, the time scale could be cut down significantly."

You jumped back in your seat as he slammed his fist against the wall, creating a significant dent in the metal.

His anger was palpable now as he turned towards the table. "You presume to tell me how to command my own pilots?"

Fear began to cluster in your abdomen as he approached you.

"N-no- no, Sir." You shook your head. "I just don't understand. If the goal is a standard patrol, then why only assign one pil—"

Your sentence was cut off by the familiar, invisible hands. Your airway closed up, preventing you from speaking.

"Your ignorance is infuriating."

He was only a few feet away from you now and moving closer. 

"Do you think anything about this mission will be standard?" He lessened the pressure around your throat slightly, giving you access to oxygen but not freeing you from his unseen grip. 

"Do you think I give a fuck about issuing citations to smugglers?"

He growled the words beneath the mask.

"You will be the only pilot on this mission. You will only search for what I tell you to search for and you will operate at the highest level of discretion." 

Commander Ren bent down, the dark metal opening where his eyes should be now aligning with your own. "Do you understand?"

With only partial use of your vocal cords, you tried to answer. "Y-ye-yes, Commander."

The pressure around your neck was gone almost immediately as he straightened himself and returned to the front of the table.

"If I only wanted you to scan for the remains of a transport escape pod and a Resistance fugitive, would that reduce the time frame?"

You were rubbing your neck now, glaring daggers into him. "Without the obligation to audit the ports and commerce airways..." You adjusted the numbers in your flight plan. "The patrol could be accomplished in...96 hours."

His pacing stopped abruptly, as he rotated to face you. "Not good enough. I need it at 72 hours or less."

Anger flashed through you at the impossible request. 

Impulsively, you pulled up a timetable on the hologram. "See for yourself, Commander." You motioned towards the data. "This is a breakdown of every second I would need to complete this long-range mission alone. If you can detect any wiggle room; please, be my guest."

You instantly regretted your decision to show him the timetable.

He started picking through it immediately, looking for discrepancies and overranges. His large hands waved though the pages of data at an alarming pace.

Suddenly, he stopped.

"What is base-time? You have nearly 20 hours of base-time scheduled for the mission."

You sighed. 

To be a pilot himself, he was certainly dense. And you were the ignorant one?

His body tensed. "Officer..." 

His tone rose into the register that suggested you were about to get choked again.

In an attempt to diffuse the tension you replied hastily. "Base-time accounts for the aircraft's required daily inspections, refueling and long-range flight prep." 

You continued, trying to find eye contact with the mask. "This mission is off planet, so my ship will need to return to Starkiller daily to undergo the necessary adjustments. The logistics of returning to base and getting into the maintenance schedule will require a significant amount of time." 

You paused momentarily, trying to gauge his reaction. "It will also act as my rest period. Staying awake for four days straight will not be conducive to an effective patrol."

He stood incredibly still. Taking in the information, he seemed to be formulating his own plan.

After several long seconds, he finally spoke.

"If your ship was covered by a command ship, you wouldn't need the long-range tech installed." He nodded towards the floating flight plan. "If you replace base-time with a nightly return to my Command Shuttle, how would that change the time frame?"

Uh...was he suggesting giving you access to his command ship?

It wasn't a horrible idea. If you could avoid returning to Starkiller and avoid the hassle of extra inspections for the long-range tech, the time requirement could be shortened significantly.

You punched the data in. "With command ship time instead of base-time, and with the elimination of lightspeed maintenance and inspections, the new calculated time to completion would be 85 hours."

He exhaled sharply. Obviously still not happy with the answer. He walked over to the head of the table and leaned over it. Both gloved hands rested on the table's surface in front of him.

He stared down at the table. "What about with...two pilots?" His electronic voice was quiet, almost as if he were asking himself and not you.

You scrunched your eyes together.

Oh, so now he wanted extra pilots. After you had just worked all this shit out for him and gotten attacked just minutes ago for suggesting the same thin—

In one swift motion he slammed his fists onto the table, leaving dents in the smooth surface. "If I have to tell you one more time to watch your fucking thoughts, I'll—"

"70 hours, Commander." You didn't let him finish his sentence. Quickly updating the flight plan to reflect two pilots, you blurted out the new time frame.

You kept going before he could punch anything else. "With two pilots and a command ship to support them, the mission to manually scan the entire system of Chandrila could be done in 70 hours."

He stood up straight and seemed to contemplate the new information, momentarily forgetting his anger.

You let out breath of relief as he started walking towards the door.

At least I'm not getting choked again...

He made a noise that sounded like a muffled grunt. "I wouldn't be so certain about that, Officer." 

Swinging the door open, he turned to you before exiting.

"Pack your bags. We leave in an hour."

The door slammed shut behind him.

...We?

_____________________________________________________________________________

Back in your room you quickly threw together an overnight bag stocked for three days. Along with the obvious toiletries and undergarments, you packed extra flight suits and a couple pairs of lounge clothes.

You stuffed the extra room in your bag with pre-packaged food, assuming there would be no break in the schedule for meals.

You wished you had time to swing by Trooper's Pub and tell Avery where you were being sent. But Commander Ren had only given you an hour to get back to your studio, pack and return to Hangar 4. 

In the kitchen, you quickly scribbled a handwritten note for Avery.

Ace,

Punishment is a 70-hour patrol for Commander Psycho. I'll come see you when I'm home.

Don't worry he hasn't killed me ...

Yet.

Love ya,

-Ky

You grabbed your bag and moved out into the corridor. Stopping briefly outside Avery's studio, you slipped the note underneath his door.

Almost exactly an hour after your brief with Ren, you arrived back inside Hangar 4.

Walking through the opening into the massive, white space you saw the Commander's private shuttle parked in the center of the hangar.

His Command Shuttle was larger than you had imagined. It took up at least a third of the massive hangar. You had never seen it up close before, only in passing.

It wasn't as big as a Destroyer, but it was absolutely large enough to support a small fleet of TIEs for a few days.

Mechanics were finishing up their preflight inspections and random stormtroopers were loading bags and crates into the main cargo bay.

The entire backside of the Command Shuttle was open, exposing the built in TIE docking bay. You caught a glimpse of your tie, 6B6, already docked into the small bay inside the Command Shuttle. It was secured alongside another TIE that was much larger and clearly custom built.

The Silencer.

Your stomach dropped to your feet.

Commander Ren was the second pilot.

"Not what you were expecting?" his deep metal voice came from behind you.

You jumped instinctively.

How long had he been standing there?

"No sir, I--" You felt your face flush. "It will be an honor to work with you again, Commander."

He pushed passed you and marched towards the entry ramp.

"You don't work with me; you work for me." He spat the words out in front of him as he stalked up the ramp and disappeared into the Command Shuttle.

Should've seen that one coming...

Adjusting your bag over your shoulder, you walked towards the entry of the shuttle. Several engineers were whispering underneath the shadow of the ramp.

They looked at each other and then to you. You stopped in front of them and gave them a smile. 

"Are you guys coming along for the ride?" you figured the mission would require at least one engineer, maybe more.

Silence followed as they gaped at you. They seemed surprised you had addressed them. Finally, one spoke up.

"Uh- no-no, Ma'am." He stuttered. "We understand the confidentiality of the mission." He seemed nervous to be speaking to you.

What the hell...

You were used to the male engineers ogling at you like a zoo animal, but you weren't used to them acting afraid of you.

He looked at his buddies, and then back at you. "The ship is ready for departure."

Another one of the engineers chimed in, appearing equally uneasy. "Please let us know if Commander Ren needs anything further."

You raised your eyebrows in confusion. "Uh...ok sure thing. I'll let him know."

As you continued up the ramp and into the ship, you heard them resume their whispering.

Whatever just forget them.

Forgetting them was easy once you adjusted to your surroundings. As you walked through the ship you were overwhelmed by the immediate ambiance of luxury. You could tell the ship was designed for a commanding officer. It was nothing like the previous vessels you had been on.

The hallways were cut from white marble, giving them a surprisingly bright and airy vibe. Glancing into a few side rooms, you noticed only jet-black furniture and chrome metal detailing. You made your way to the front of the ship, occasionally passing droids and floating drones. You noted that you hadn't seen any other humans on board yet.

One of the droids introduced itself as MD-80 and offered to take your bag to your room. You didn't even know you had a room.

You handed over your things anyway.

Continuing your exploration, you passed the TIE docking bay, the largest room on the shuttle. The back loading door was closed now and both TIEs sat snuggly in their stations, awaiting assignment.

Moving further down the hallway you found yourself outside a narrow flight of stairs.

That must be where the cockpit is.

You didn't know much about the controls of the Command Shuttle, but you knew the cockpit was at the highest point in the ship.

Ascending the stairs, you exited into an unexpectedly narrow hallway, leading to a large black door. The hallway was so tight it was barely single lane.

Moving quickly down the small, tube-like walkway, you found yourself outside the cockpit door. Out of curiosity you touched the keypad on the wall. Immediately, the door to the flight deck slid open.

An unlocked cockpit? Weird...

Your eyes scanned the dark room as you entered through the doorway. To your surprise the flight deck layout looked pretty familiar. There were two main seats in front of the controls, and several additional positions in the back of the room, near the circuit breakers.

The room was filled with an ominous red glow, as light from the hangar filtered in through the large red windshield. It gave you an uneasy feeling.

For the first time, you wondered if maybe you shouldn't be there...

You quickly decided to head back down to the docking bay and sit with your TIE.

The door to the cockpit shut behind you as you made your way down the annoyingly narrow hallway. You were about halfway down the cramped tube when you heard heavy footsteps. They were moving quickly and approaching from the stairs.

Within seconds, Commander Ren was standing at the opposite end of the hallway, blocking your path completely.

Your heart leapt in your chest.

Fuck

Neither one of you spoke.

The Commander started to move, slowly and deliberately, towards you. The tension in the tiny, constricted walkway was tangible.

Should you run? Walk backwards? Try and apologize?

Your brain pitched dozens of ideas, but as you watched Commander Ren continue his gradual approach, your body responded by doing absolutely nothing.

He was only inches from you now as he reached out with both hands and grabbed you by the shoulders.

You gasped at the initial contact, but his grip on your shoulders was surprisingly gentle. 

He lightly pressed on your shoulders, slowly rotating you and pushing you back against the wall. Simultaneously, he turned himself sideways, facing you. 

He slowly dropped his hands from your shoulders and moved them down to hold your waist.

You inhaled sharply. Your body betrayed you further as you felt your heart rate increase and your breathing shallow.

What the fuck is happening?

Your mind raced, in sync with your elevated pulse.

Adding pressure to your waist now, he continued to rotate you. His thighs brushed against yours as he steadily repositioned around you.

The snug hallway kept his body close to your own. You could feel the heat radiating off of him. You could even smell the leather of his cape as he leaned in to squeeze through the gap he had created between you and the wall.

You closed your eyes, trying to remain calm and protect your thoughts. As your eyes fluttered shut, you sighed.

You felt his body tense immediately, as his hands tightened slightly on your waist.

He had stopped moving.

Your eyes snapped open again. You looked up at him, staring directly into the slit in his mask.

He hesitated slightly but continued to move around you once again. As he cleared the space between you and the wall, he let his hands fall from your waist.

You were now facing the direction of the cockpit. In the process of sliding around you, he had rotated you with him.

Wordlessly, he turned away from you. Moving towards the flight deck and waving his hand, commanding the door to spring open.

You stood breathlessly in the hallway, still trying to contemplate what had just happened. After a few seconds, you turned to continue your original path, walking towards the stairs.

From the cockpit, you heard his deep voice summon you.

"Officer...you will be up here for departure."

Up there? With him?

Your anxiety skyrocketed as you changed your direction in the hallway, moving towards the cockpit once more.

You entered the red room to find him in the pilot's chair facing the controls. He was flipping switches and pressing buttons, running the checklists for takeoff.

Without turning around, he gestured to the co-pilot's seat on his right.

You felt your body calm significantly as you took a seat behind the flight controls. Even though this wasn't your ship, you felt more comfortable here than anywhere else.

You scanned the instruments and the control panel. It was far more sophisticated than anything you'd ever flown. You were immediately intrigued.

You lightly ran your fingers over the controls, studying the panel intently as you admired the advanced systems. You found yourself smiling as you noticed more and more astounding features.

Integrated autopilot and auto-throttles? This thing must literally fly itself...

"It does." You heard the voice from your left.

Commander Ren had been watching you.

You stared back at him. Heat instantly flooded your face as you imagined his eyes on you.

Gods, get yourself together.

He turned back to the controls. "Buckle up."

You strapped yourself into the harness as instructed. He didn't fasten his.

A voice rang out over the speaker.

"Command Shuttle 1, you are cleared for takeoff. On departure fly heading 090, upon reaching Flight Level 180 lightspeed jump is approved at pilot's discretion."

You watched in anticipation as the Commander engaged the takeoff sequence. The advanced aircraft systems roared to life and quickly propelled the shuttle out of the hangar and into the night sky.

He didn't wait until 18,000 feet, immediately after clearing the tree line, he prepped the shuttle for the jump to lightspeed.

The dim horizon vanished in front of you as lightspeed engulfed the ship.

You stared in amazement as the flight controls manipulated themselves, constantly correcting and adjusting for course deviation.

You couldn't help yourself. You giggled.

This is the coolest ship ever.

All of a sudden, you felt tense. You had a feeling you were being watched again. Slowly turning your head you glanced towards the Commander.

Sure enough, he was staring at you.

You pouted a little as you returned your gaze out the red window.

What was his deal? Had you done something wrong?

Before you could stop it, your mind replayed the moment in the hallway. You remembered the closeness of your bodies, his hands applying pressure to your waist, the feeling of the cold wall against your back. A sharp contrast to the heat you had felt from him...

Fucking snap out of it. You barked at yourself.

It was too late.

Your mind also replayed that morning, after the meeting. You winced at the memory of your impact with the elevator wall and the feeling of his hands around your neck.

You remembered the way you had looked in the bathroom mirror, the shower water running red...

NOT HERE. Get it together. Your body begged your brain to stop. You had to control your thoughts.

You tried to focus on monitoring the flight controls.

I wonder how many stages the compressor has.

Are the thrust reversers pneumatic or hydraulic?

You watched the engine gauges oscillate, trying to focus your energy.

After a few moments you saw the haze of lightspeed fade away as the Planet of Chandrila emerged in front of you.

It was crazy to think that you had just been there earlier that morning. So much had happened between then and now, it felt like an eternity ago.

Staring out at the beauty of Chandrila, you felt overwhelmingly and utterly drained.

As soon as you let the feeling manifest, exhaustion rolled over you.

Next to you, the Commander was pressing buttons and repositing the ship to hover outside the planet's atmosphere.

He stood up abruptly and walked out the door, pausing briefly in the opening.

"Come."

You unbuckled the harness and made your way out the door behind him.

Time to get this show on the road.

You figured you could get the first quarter of the atmosphere done before sunrise.

You had to pick up your pace again to keep up with Ren's long strides. You followed him through the thin hallway and down the stairs. He led you to out into the main corridor you'd been exploring before.

You expected to turn right, and head to the TIE bay, but the Commander made a left at the foot of the stairs. You followed him for a few seconds before he turned into an adjacent hallway that led to a dead end. Several doors lined the inside of the smaller hallway. He came to a stop in front of the last door.

"This is your room. MD-80 will have unpacked for you." He flicked his wrist, opening the door.

He loved to open and close doors with his stupid wizard hands.

You spoke to him for the first time since boarding the ship. "Commander, are we not beginning the patrol?"

"No." His voice sounded...conflicted. "Not tonight."

You stepped forward, tensing a little as you passed him. Fighting the urge to rerun the hallway scene through your mind.

The room was small but beautiful. You studied the bare white walls and the smooth, concrete floors. Gasping a little, you noticed the huge glass wall that looked out into the stars.

Damn, the First Order loved a glass wall.

The furniture was minimal, a large white bed, two black side tables and a matching black dresser. There was an opening on the far side of the room that led to another room. You assumed that was the refresher.

You turned around to see Kylo Ren still standing in the hallway, watching you.

You stared at one another until he broke the silence. 

"I don't know how many stages the compressor has..." he spoke in his quiet register. "...but the reversers are hydraulic."

"...Uh, w-what?" You stuttered before you understood.

He was answering the questions from your thoughts, the ones from before.

He brushed his hand through the air once more, compelling your door to close.

Before it clicked shut, you heard him speak again, louder this time, more dominating.

"Docking bay, 0600 tomorrow"

After it had closed, you heard the sound of his heavy footsteps walking away. You listened intently, as somewhere nearby another door opened and closed.

That man was certainly an enigma. You were already starting to get whiplash from his constant mood swings.

You moved deeper into the room and opened the black dresser.

Your clothes were folded inside and placed in neat stacks.

Bless that droid.

Changing into your loungewear, you crawled into bed. You plugged your data pad into the side table and set four different alarms before rolling over onto the fluffy pillow.

The combination of the cold silk sheets and your warm sweater put you under an immediate fog. 

As you gave yourself up to sleep, you entered your familiar dream.

You were running along the meadow in Naboo. The fields transitioned to farmland as you walked the well-known path.

But something was different.

Before you could catch a glimpse of home, a dark shadow fell over you. A tall figure stood before you, blocking the sun.

You looked up at the figure, the metal mask leered down at you.

Kylo Ren. 

***Ya'll, I am obsessed with this chapter and I hope you like it! 

***Also I know I said this would be a slow burn...but I'm pretty happy with the progression of the story line so there will probs be a little smut in the next chapter! lol (Sorry not sorry, Kylo is just too fucking hot)

***Let me know what you think of the story so far! I love any and all feedback!


	5. Little Girl

**TW**: NSFW, dom/sub energy, choking, dubious consent, orgasm denial, emotional distress, Force use, internal discussion of trauma

You awoke to the sound of your alarm buzzing on the beside table. Rolling over, you touched the surface of the pad and silenced the screeching.

Running your hands over the sheets, you noticed the linens were suspiciously nice. You sat up straight in bed and looked around frantically. It took a moment for you to remember where you were.

Commander Ren's ship.

You quickly got out of bed and scurried to the large window. Looking outside, you could see the planet of Chandrila. It was beautiful. Green, lush and glistening with small bodies of water. The morning sun was just beginning to touch the surface.

You recognized the feeling growing inside. Excitement.

You found yourself actually motivated to begin the patrol. This planet would certainly be more scenic than what you were used to, and you welcomed the change of pace.

You immediately decided to view this "punishment" as an opportunity. You were going to try to enjoy the new scenery and embrace the luxury of the Command Shuttle.

How many first-year pilots got to be stationed out of a Commander's private ship? You couldn't imagine it was very many.

Besides, even though the situation wasn't ideal, this was an excellent opportunity to impress the Commander and earn his trust. Perhaps one day, he could be an ally in your leadership candidacy.

Or an ally for your plan.

Since exiting General Hux's office, you'd completely forgotten about your proposal.

Before Commander Ren had commandeered your meeting, you had intended to pitch the General your plan for the TIEs to train offensively.

Staring out the window at Chandrila, you found yourself suddenly thankful for the change of plans. Your idea required permission from management to study the TIE archives for combative procedures and permission to practice them freely. General Hux was no longer your only access to First Order leadership.

Who better to endorse your proposal than the pilot who had inspired it? Watching Commander Ren in the Silencer had been the catalyst for your idea in the first place. Surely he didn't want to be the only decent combat pilot in the First Order.

Just maybe...if you did well on his special mission, you could earn his trust. Then when the time was right, you could bring your proposal to him.

He will never help you.

The thought rapidly engulfed your mind. Although pessimistic, it was probably true. From your brief interaction with Commander Ren, you could tell he wasn't the listening type.

Sighing, you turned away from the window and walked to the dresser. You pulled out a clean set of clothes and made your way into the refresher.

The private refresher mirrored the elegant, minimalistic style of the main room: concrete floors, white walls and black fixtures. A tall glass-enclosed shower was against the right wall, while a large soaking tub sat in the far left of the room, facing another large window. A black vanity was situated in the center of the far wall. Walking towards it, you saw your reflection in the circular mirror above the sink.

...Shit.

The bruising around your neck had turned a dark burgundy color overnight. Small black and blue splotches intermingled with the wine-colored handprint.

You sucked on your teeth as you pushed down the resentment building inside. You wouldn't let him get to you. Not today.

It is what it is.

You turned away from your reflection and began your routine.

After you had showered and changed into your flight suit, you walked back up to the vanity.

You braided your hair into one large braid and let it swing loosely behind you. You reached for your makeup bag but stopped. Your hand hovered mid-air over the small pouch.

Looking into the mirror again, you moved your head back and forth, examining the violet shading along your throat. Retracting your hand, you made a quick decision.

You wouldn't wear make-up today.

All your friends were back on base anyway. There was no one present to comment on the state of your neck.

As far as you knew, the only other person on the ship was Commander Ren, and you didn't give a fuck what he thought about it. Especially considering it was his handiwork on display.

You walked back into the main room and packed your flight bag, being sure to add a handful of meal bars and granola from your stash. Checking the time, you made your way out the door.

0530.

You walked down the hallway slowly, listening carefully as you passed the other rooms.

Which one was Commander Ren's?

You were surprised at your own curiosity. Didn't you just decide to show off your bruises to spite him? Why did you care where he slept?

As if on cue, your body tried to remind you of the contact you'd had with him the night before. A previously dormant fragment of your conscience now encouraged you to remember the small hallway, his massive thigh rubbing against yours...

You pushed the memory down. You didn't want to remember. Not today, not now.

You had a job to do.

You walked through the main hallway of the Command Shuttle, past the flight of stairs at led to the cockpit, moving toward the ship bay.

Entering the bay you saw 6B6 resting in its docking station beside The Silencer.

You made your way to your ship, unlatching it from the dock and performing a brief pre-flight inspection. Once inside your TIE, you ran the normal checklist and system runups before pulling out your datapad and programing the patrol plan into the Flight Management System.

The bay was quiet and deserted as you exited your ship to stand in front of it, at attention and ready for your orders.

You stood in silence for a moment before you felt him.

The stimulation of your special senses was strange and unprecedented. You'd never been able to use planesense or affect energy outside of the cockpit. It only worked in the flight deck. That was how it had always been.

But even so, you felt his energy closing in on you. His signature was strong and daunting, sending chills down your spine as you tried to cut yourself off from it.

Commander Ren rounded the corner and paced into the ship bay at exactly 0600.

The black protocol droid that had introduced itself as MD-80, followed in his trail.

MD-80 moved in the direction of The Silencer and began the pre-flight inspection. Commander Ren remained on his course, moving directly towards you.

Stopping a few feet away, he looked you up and down. His gaze lingered briefly on your neck.

You could still feel the power emanating from him as you fought to contain your thoughts.

Keeping your mind as blank as possible, you tried to cut yourself off from him. You imagined building a brick wall in your subconscious. Building it higher, brick after brick, you created a mental barrier, slowly blocking him out.

His next steps were slow and intentional as he silently moved closer. The sound of his metal voice echoed through the empty bay, making you jump slightly.

"You'll have to try harder than that, Officer."

He was right on you now, his wide chest only a few centimeters from your face.

You cleared your throat. "I'm working on it..." You were looking down at the floor, trying your best to avoid direct eye contact with his mask.

He noticed.

"Look at me." He spit the words, irritated.

Before you could lift your head, you felt the invisible hold lock onto your chin and aggressively tilt your face up, forcing you to look directly at him.

Your neck was stretched upward now, giving him full access to view the entirety of the purple handprint around your jawline.

The Commander gradually brought one hand up and lightly trailed his index finger over the bruised outline on your throat.

"Hm."

Predictably, your heart rate quickened at his touch. Your eyes latched onto the mask as you bit your bottom lip in an attempt to stop it from quivering.

You saw his masked gaze drop to your lips as he observed your response.

Seconds passed before he released your chin from his hold and simultaneously took a few steps backward. The moment had passed. You exhaled a deep breath of freedom.

Without skipping a beat, he began to brief you on the mission.

"Yesterday morning, the Resistance transport discharged an escape pod before it was destroyed. We believe a high-level, Resistance General escaped the attack with a stolen drive of sensitive First Order information."

Careful not to trigger him, you stood silently as he continued.

"Our tracking intel verifies the drive is somewhere on Chandrila. Before ground enforcement can track the fugitives, we must first locate the escape pod." He began pacing. "You will only scan for the pod and any trace of its inhabitants."

He stopped talking for a moment to stare at you as he paced in your direction. You took it as an invitation to speak.

"Yes, Commander." You were eager for the challenge.

Sensing your excitement, he took a step towards you.

"This mission is classified. Minimal personnel will be aware of our presence here. The Resistance must remain unaware of our patrol. It is crucial for the General to believe she has escaped." He paced closer. "Your discretion is mandatory. Do you understand?" He growled the last few words.

"Yes, Commander"

He was uncomfortably close to you again. "You will take the northern portion of the sector and I will take the southern." His tone flattened as he closed the final gap between you. "Return to my ship by 1800 with a full report."

You nodded.

He paused, looking down on you. "...and Officer?"

"Yes, Sir?"

One hand shot out from under his cloak and grabbed you by the neck. He leaned over, his metal face only centimeters from your own.

You winced at the rapid contact but was surprised to find he wasn't constricting your throat. He was holding it.

His voice was quiet and venomous. "If you use the Force on me again, I will kill you."

Your brick wall collapsed.

The Force? What the fuck was he talking about?

Confusion washed over you as you worked through his statement, trying to understand what game he was playing.

You'd heard stories of the Force before. Everyone had. On Naboo, nearly every bedtime story featured tales of Light versus Dark, the Sith versus the Jedi. Everyone speculated how much truth the timeworn stories held, but you didn't consider them anything more than rumors.

And there were a lot of rumors on Starkiller. First Order employees considered gossip crucial to maintaining workplace morale. You had heard some outrageous things.

A secretary once told you that General Hux was a clone and there were, at minimum, 12 of him walking around base at any given time.

At least half of the pilots believed the TIEs were wired with internal explosives that could be remotely activated from the Command Center.

A nurse from the medbay inferred that Captain Phasma had poisoned every man in her division as a first year stormtrooper. All because they had asked her to cook breakfast.

That one was your personal favorite...

But it was also a common rumor that Supreme Leader Snoke was a Sith Lord and Kylo Ren was his apprentice.

If that were true it would explain the wizard hands. But it wouldn't explain why Commander Ren believed youhad used the Force on him.

Was he talking about your planesense?

Commander Ren dropped his hand from your neck. "Planesense?" he huffed as he backed away. "That's what you call it?" for a moment, it sounded like he was amused, until his tone darkened. "Ignorant, little girl..."

The phrase slapped you across the face. You spoke through gritted teeth.

"I don't call it anything." You felt your hands begin to shake as you tried to rebuild your mental brick wall. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

Against your better judgment you continued.

"...and I'm not a little gir-."

Before the sentence could fully exit your mouth, Commander Ren waved his hand through the air, pushing you flat against the side of your TIE.

Invisible ropes bound your arms to your side and kept your body pressed against the ship. Within seconds of your back hitting the metal, his body was on yours.

His frame stretched over you as he placed one hand on the metal frame above your head, while the other hand aggressively seized your waist.

This time, his hold was not gentle.

He leaned in. His voice returning to the muted, almost sensual, tone you'd heard in the elevator.

"You are what I say you are."

His grip tightened on your hip.

"Do you understand?"

You opened your mouth to tell him to get the fuck off you, but nothing came out.

Your breathing slowed again as your heart pounded in your chest, your lips still slightly parted from the failed attempt at forming words.

In an effort to close your mouth, you bit your lower lip again.

You felt the Commander inhale deeply. He slowly moved his hand from your waist and ran it up your torso, trailing the length of your flight suit's zipper. His gloved hand traveled up your neck and came to a stop under your chin.

You knew what he was about to do. You didn't know how you knew, but you did. All of a sudden you could feel his intentions.

His hand clutched your chin as he swiped his thumb over your lips. Separating the connection between your teeth and your bottom lip.

He shook his head slightly. "Don't do that again..."

There was now no denying the clear, dominant sensuality in his voice.

You couldn't breathe. Against your will, you felt a feeling resurface. It was hungry and growing, emerging from a place deep within you.

Instantly, it rematerialized the scene you'd imagined in the shower the day before. The images rushed back into your mind.

Kylo Ren ripping your skirt off, touching your legs, pushing them apart...

You felt his body tense as he saw your fantasy. His thumb resting on your mouth immediately parted your lips and pushed inside. The large, gloved thumb now rested on your tongue.

You felt his intentions again. You knew what he was going to say before he spoke.

Through the mask, his voice was deep and demanding.

"Suck it."

Even though you knew the words were coming, your heart still stopped. An unwelcome heat flooded your lower body as you came to a sudden realization.

You wanted to.

Slowly, you wrapped your lips around his thumb and began sucking on it. Timidly at first, but as your excitement grew, your intensity increased.

As you worked over his gloved finger, you felt him push his torso against you, his leg parting yours and scooting you further up the side of the ship until you were straddling his thigh.

Your body now pinned with his legs; he released the invisible pressure holding you to the ship.

Pleased with your new freedom, you lightly bit the tip of his thumb. Tugging on the glove with your teeth.

He stifled a groan and shifted slightly, causing your leg to brush his inner thigh.

You froze. Pressed against your leg was the largest erection you had ever felt in your life.

Holy-fucking-shit.

The man who had split your head against the elevator wall the day before now had his hand in your mouth and his rock-hard erection jutting into your thigh.

Part of you wanted to vomit while another part of you wanted more of him. More of it.

Still sucking his thumb, you moved your hand to grab his forearm, wanting to touch him.

Then, all at once, he was gone. Pulling away from you in one short moment.

You sunk down the side of the ship as his leg suddenly stopped supporting you. His thumb pulled from your mouth, leaving a trail of saliva that slid down your lips and onto your chin.

He took his damp thumb and wiped it across your jawline. Drying his glove with the side of your face before taking a step back.

His voice flattened; the sensual tone was gone. "You don't get to touch me."

You were still catching your breath, your pulse struggling to return to normal.

"Wh-what the fuck, man?!"

Your face flushed, embarrassed by the rejection. You brought your sleeve up to wipe the spit away from your face.

He turned his back to you and began walking away. "Get in your ship." He threw the words over his shoulder.

Confusion and regret washed over you as you watched him board The Silencer.

What the hell just happened?

Did you really just let Kylo Ren wipe your own spit on your face?

Your mind was reeling. Overstimulated by what had just occurred, you were distracted as you entered your ship. Securing your belt and helmet, you slid down into the cockpit.

Still hurt from the Commander's rejection and attempting to repress all emotion, you picked up the checklist where you had left off.

The systems were now prepped for departure as you initiated engine start.

Suddenly, your TIE began to shake. You swiveled your head around looking for the source of the disturbance.

You didn't have to look long. The large docking door was sliding open, sending vibrations through the ship bay.

Directly to your right the Silencer roared to life and flew out of the bay before the door was fully open.

Perfect. Commander Ren couldn't wait to get away from you. So much for having him on your side.

You sighed, still repressing your emotions.

Forget him.

You maneuvered 6B6 out of the bay and zoomed towards the northern atmosphere of Chandrila. 

As you intercepted the pre-planned course you were immersed by the splendor of the planet. The greenery reminded you of home and the small villages scattered below radiated peaceful, calming energy.

You took a deep breath. It was time to allow yourself to address what had happened. Thanks to the last 24 hours, there was a lot to work through. You needed to figure this shit out before you saw the Commander again. Thankfully, you had nothing but time. In fact, you had nearly 12 hours to be alone with your thoughts.

You settled in for the long ride and let your mind drift.

____________________________________________________________________________

1745

You had covered thousands of miles.

Hours had passed since you had made your last rest stop in Nayli. You had taken your breaks carefully, choosing larger cities that were busy enough for your presence to go unnoticed.

So far, the patrol had been uneventful. You'd caught on to the energy of a few spice runners around mid-day, but remembering the Commander's orders, you had ignored them.

Only the escape pod mattered, and you hadn't seen any indication of its presence. Your report of the northern sector would surely be underwhelming to the Commander.

But the day had not been a total waste. Somewhere over the plains of Chandrila, you had successfully worked through the emotions and events of the past couple days.

You decided that the battle with the resistance fighters, the pressure of the meeting with Hux, the trauma in the elevator, and the night of abnormal dreaming had all contributed to your mental instability.

The sum of these events had left you susceptible to emotional coercion. You determined that the primal emotions you'd felt towards the Commander were simply your subconscious developing a coping mechanism to sexualize the source of your anxiety. This allowed you to avoid addressing it and gave you a false sense of control.

This was your final verdict and you felt it perfectly explained your behavior. If your anxiety over the Commander was the source of your inappropriate emotions, then the solution was simple.

Commander Ren had to go.

Not go, go.

Just go from your mind.

You decided that you would not only avoid him physically, but mentally. He could no longer take up real estate in your mind. If you could push him out, and keep him out, then maybe you could eliminate the anxiety, and subsequently, the random desire to suck on his fingertips.

You were no therapist, but you worked with what you had. Plus you watched a lot of holovision dramas and toxic relationships were always a key plot point.

Your data pad chimed, indicating the end of your daily flight plan.

It was time to return to the Command Shuttle and put your strategy to the test.

On approach, you noticed the Command Shuttle had a binary cloaking shield surrounding it, making it invisible to the naked eye.

That's actually pretty smart.

You reluctantly gave Commander Ren some credit as you ran your code through the de-cloaking mechanism. The shield lowered momentarily, allowing you to slip in before it closed again behind you.

The door to the ship bay was already open and you darted inside, slowly sinking 6B6 down into its dock.

The Silencer was already docked beside you and the surrounding bay seemed abandoned.

You concluded your post flight checks and began making your way towards the exit.

Turning into the hallway, you saw Commander Ren's protocol droid, MD-80, teetering towards you. Its electronic voice was surprisingly cheerful.

"Miss Kyber, so good to see your safe return!"

You snickered. Hearing a droid use your callsign was strange but amusing.

How did he know it, anyway?

You were too tired to care. He waddled alongside you down the main corridor.

"I was instructed to escort you to your room."

You rolled your eyes. "Escort away, MD."

"My name is MD-80"

"Whatever." You flashed a sarcastic smile.

You walked together in silence for a few moments before stopping outside your room. MD-80 opened the door and motioned you inside. He followed you in and turned to open a small door off the entryway.

You hadn't even noticed it until now.

"I will bring you anything else you may require." He stood straight as a pin as he gestured towards the small opening. A pantry.

He pointed to the intercom inside. "Just press this button and I will come."

You gave him a real smile this time. "Thank you."

Looking inside, you felt your spirits lift. "Is there coffee?"

MD-80 was hobbling towards the doorway. He twisted around slightly.

"Oh, yes Ma'am. Plenty of coffee."

Praise the Gods.

Before he shut the door, the droid turned to face you. "Commander Ren requests your presence in the shuttle's cockpit in one hour's time."

There it is.

You were wondering when the other foot was going to drop.

Nodding, you muttered. "Got it."

MD-80 left you to your dinner.

At least you had an hour...and coffee.

You decided to investigate the pantry. The shelves were stocked with self-heating, pre-packaged meals. You selected one that said 'PASTA, CHICKEN.' Pulling the tab on the rectangular box, you felt the inside warming up.

After a few seconds, you pulled the tray out of the heating box and took a bite. It tasted way better than the pre-packs they occasionally served on base.

You ate dinner while pacing around your room. After sitting in the cramped TIE all day, it felt good to stretch your legs.

After your meal you washed your face over the sink. The cool water felt incredible and instantly soothed you.

You gave in and took a full shower. It was a great decision, as you immediately felt refreshed and energized.

You stared into the dresser, trying to decide what to wear. It didn't make sense to put a flight suit on, because you wouldn't be going anywhere, but you certainly couldn't wear your lounge clothes.

You decided on something in the middle. You wore black leggings with your leather squad jacket on top. You decided not to wear the lounge sweater under your jacket, out of fear it would appear too casual. Instead, you put the jacket on directly over your black undergarments and zipped it up all the way to your collarbone.

You latched your necklace and laced up the black uniform boots that came up to your ankle.

Giving the mirror one last glance, you decided to take your hair down. Because of the shower, the braid was partially undone anyway, and you didn't have time to fix it. Thanks to the time spent in the braid, your hair fell around your shoulders in light waves.

You flipped your head upside down and brushed through the waves with your fingers, separating them and attempting to add some volume.

"Good enough." You muttered to yourself.

You looked professional and casual, but you doubted the Commander would care.

And that was fine, because he had to go. You reminded yourself.

Picking up your bag you exited the room and headed in the direction of the cockpit. You ascended the small staircase and found yourself in the tubular hallway that led to the flight deck door.

Instantly, your mind tried to relive the last time you'd been in the hallway. When Commander Ren had moved around you, pressing against you in the tight space.

The memory barely had time to manifest before you shut it down.

He had to go. He had to go.

You paced to the door, pausing before opening it. You knew he was behind it. You felt him.

But your mental brick wall was up, and you were ready for him.

Waving your hand over the keypad, you prompted the door to open. The small room glowed the familiar red, as the only light in the room came in from the large window. The dim glow of the switches on the control panel added a small amount of alternating color.

Commander Ren was sitting in the pilot's seat, facing you.

His modified voice was as cold as ever.

"Report."

Easy. You had rehearsed it already.

You rattled off your short list of findings from the day. It wasn't much, just a few clearings with ship parts scattered about. None of the parts were from the First Order or the Resistance. They were probably left over from a civilian crash, but you provided him with the coordinates anyway. 

Running out of material, you included the sighting of the spice runners, hoping to add some fluff and show your compliance with his request to not engage them.

When you were finished, you stood silently before him.

Neither of you spoke.

Suddenly, you felt pressure in your mind. Someone was outside your brick wall. They were pushing on it lightly. Not to break it, but to test its integrity.

You knew it was him. He knew that you knew it was him...and you didn't care.

Finally, he spoke.

"That isn't nearly strong enough." He stood up, moving towards you.

You responded by backing away, eventually hitting the back wall. You were out of room. You looked quickly left and right, deciding to move laterally, away from him.

You slowly circled him until you were standing in between the pilot seats, your backside was pressed against the control panel. There was no where else to go.

You felt like an antelope trying to maneuver around a lion.

He was right. There was no way you could shut him out.

The Commander nodded his head. "So you do understand."

He moved quickly. Before you could register what was happening, he violently swept you up and set you on the edge of the control panel. Dividing your legs, he slipped his right thigh between them, and slid you forward to sit partially on him and partially on the controls.

An invisible force pulled your wrists behind your back, pinning them together. In one short second he had positioned you so that your balance on the panel relied completely on his thigh.

His head tilted slightly as he looked you over, his tone sensual again.

"You know I can take whatever I want."

As he spoke, he wrapped one hand behind your back, stabilizing you but simultaneously forcing your body closer to him. He placed his other hand on your knee and gradually began sliding it up the inside of your thigh.

Almost immediately, your body responded to his animalist energy. You took deliberate breaths as your chest began to rise and fall, struggling to keep your pulse normal. Despite your attempt to suppress it, you felt the warmth develop in your lower abdomen. Heat pooled between your legs as you felt his growing erection push against you.

His hand continued its slow journey up the length of your thigh, moving towards the source of heat between your legs.

The primal sensation buried within you rose to the surface again, filling your body with an instant need.

Ah, fuck... Your strategy was shit.

You wanted him to touch you.

And he knew it.

You wiggled in anticipation, trying to coax his hand.

"No." His touch pulled away from your leg. "Bad."

You scrunched your eyebrows together.

What so now you couldn't move?

The modulated voice was dominant. "Not unless I tell you to."

This was so wrong and so very fucked up. You knew it was. This wasn't the type of intimacy you were used to. Your better judgement was screaming, trying to get you to acknowledge the red flags. You knew you should care, but you didn't. Your body was screaming louder.

Igniting you further, his hand returned to your upper thigh as he moved it to hover directly over the mound between your legs.

"You move when I tell you to move. Do you understand?"

You ignored your conscience; all you could think about was his hand. You wanted him to touch you. You needed him to touch you.

You nodded.

"No." He said again. His voice suddenly laced with anger. "Answer me."

The tone sent goosebumps down your arms. You tried to find the ability to speak.

"Y-Yes, Commander." You breathed. "I understand."

He let his hand drop. "Good girl."

Palming your slit through the thin leggings, he moved his middle finger until he found the top of your clit. He added pressure, lightly pulsing against it.

You nearly passed out.

The friction from his leg and the added pressure of his finger set you off. Your heart rate elevated further as you felt the sensitive nerves tingle. You closed your eyes, giving yourself in to the growing pleasure.

You signed...

...and bit your bottom lip.

The hand that hand been supporting your back swiftly moved to the base of your neck and grabbed a fistful of hair. The Commander pulled it sharply, jerking your head back and forcing you to stare up at him.

"I thought I told you not to do that."

He removed the pressure between your legs. You winced from the pain that shot up the back of your scalp, but he only pulled harder, fueled by your reaction.

"In fact, I know I told you not to do that."

You scowled up at him, your trance momentarily broken.

"Then get your fucking hands off me!" You tried to wiggle free from his grasp, but you were no match against his grip. It got you nowhere.

He didn't like your defiance. You could hear the anger building in his voice, but the sensual tone remained.

"Watch your mouth, little girl."

Back to that shit again?

You glared.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not a little gir-"

The hand that had held your hair moved to wrap around your throat, immediately constricting your airway.

You could still breathe, but barely.

The other hand, still resting between your legs, began to move again. This time, his middle finger added pressure to your clit in a circular motion.

Fuck.

"How many times do I have to tell you..." He leaned in closer, his mask nearly touching your face. "...that you are what I say you fucking are."

You were panting. You didn't know if it was from the reduced flow of oxygen or from the stimulation under his palm. Either way, you were losing control, and fast.

He suppressed a growl and removed the hand from your neck, trailing it down your collar bone and to the zipper on your flight jacket.

Before you had a chance to protest, he unzipped the jacket entirely. Exposing your black bra and stone necklace in one swift motion.

You sensed his initial surprise as he ran a finger down your neck and looped it into the chain of the necklace, brushing over the back stone.

"...Little girl, where did you get this?" his voice became suddenly distant, as if he were distracted from his initial quest.

Distracted or not, his bottom hand continued its pursuit between your thighs. You were inhaling deeper now, trying to block out the pleasure building rapidly under his touch. You didn't even care he had called you 'little girl' again, you were afraid to correct him.

"It-it's from back home." You breathed.

He was back in the moment, his distant thought discarded. His voice was almost a whisper.

"No it isn't."

"Ok." You didn't give a fuck.

You couldn't think about anything other than suppressing your desire.

You could tell he wanted to question you about it further, but for some reason, he didn't. Instead, his fingers left the necklace and moved down to the top of your bra.

His gloved hand slipped underneath the lining, caressing your breast and finding your nipple. He rolled it sharply between his thumb and index finger, instantly hardening it.

You closed your eyes and let out a small moan. His breathing shallowed upon hearing you and he increased the pressure between your legs, while continuing to stimulate your nipple.

You whimpered. It was too much. To your horror, you felt a familiar climb begin, your body preparing for the inevitable release.

Wait, no. No no no, not here, not with him.

An internal battle began to rage between your body and your mind as he brought you closer to the edge. You angrily attempted to subdue the sensation building in center of your legs.

You clenched yourself around his thigh, attempting to stop the incoming climax. Gasping aloud, you realized it was too late.

You were going to cum. Beneath the hands of this psychopath...

In an instant, the Commander took both his hands off you, dropping them to his side. Without his arms supporting you, you nearly fell off his leg. You quickly gabbed the side of the panel to catch your balance.

You were shaking, your body dangling off a figurative cliff.

He slid out from under you calmly, watching you lean back against the controls, coming down from your near release.

"You-you...fucking bastard!" you spat. Your body was on fire, the denied orgasm tying your nerves into a tangled ball

His voice was restrained, trying to mask his own desire.

"You don't cum until I say you do, little girl."

That's it. Fuck the brick wall, fuck your plan, fuck your proposal, fuck HIM.

HE HAD TO GO.

You stood up straight, your legs still trembling. "You know what? Fuck you and your 'little girl' bullshit!"

Your voice was shaking with anger. "Is this a regular fucking occurrence for you? Finding random women to torture in your stupid, fancy ship?" you were fuming.

He took a step towards you. "You would have cum If you were mine."

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and disgust. "If I was...if I was your what exactly?"

"If you were my little girl." His tone was dark and dominating as he neared you again

The audacity of this man.

"Well I'm not a fucking little girl, Commander." You zipped your jacket up and turned to leave the flight deck.

He blocked you. "Not a little girl." He paused. "My little girl."

Your heart fluttered as you registered the desire in his voice.

He wanted you.

Suddenly, you felt his intentions.

He wanted you alright...

He wanted to be your Master.

He wanted to own you.

Make you his toy.

Treat you like a pet.

Fuck you mercilessly...

Your face flushed as you briefly shared his thoughts. You shook you head. "That's not me. I don't want that."

A feeling of dread washed over you.

Would he force you? You knew he was certainly capable.

He inhaled sharply. "I don't do that."

White hot anger ripped through your body.

"Oh, because that's so fucking different than what you just did?" you gestured to the control panel. "Because I don't remember inviting you to dry hump me into the thrusters."

You were losing control of your tongue. You knew you should stop but the words kept coming.

"Or would you prefer to throw me into another elevator, Commander?"

He clenched his fists. You weren't the only one losing control.

"No? Well how about you choke me until I can't see strai—"

With one swipe of his hand he closed your airways. He flexed his gloved fingers and lifted your feet off the ground, bringing you to hover at his eye level.

"That one." He growled.

All sensuality gone from his voice; you could feel the pure rage blistering off of him.

The pressure on your throat tightened. You couldn't feel anything past your neck. You knew you only had a few seconds of conscienceless left.

He was going to kill you.

"I could." He spat. "For the way you just spoke to me, I could choke the life out of you, and no one would care. No one would dare think anything of it."

He moved closer to your dangling body. "That is power you can't buy, little one." He snarled at you. "That is power that you will respect."

His monologue was lost on you as you fought for the last bit of life you had left.

You were gasping for air. "If you're going to kill me then just fucking do it already!"

His hold on you vanished, and you fell to the floor at his feet.

He glared down at you.

"I told you to get comfortable in this position, Officer. Do you not remember?"

Nearly hyperventilating, tears pricked the corners of your eyes. You shuddered as you stood shakily to your feet, fighting back the waterworks.

"You're a monster."

He walked towards the pilot's chair and sat down, his eyes still on you.

"Yes I am..." His voice trailed only for a second. "Now get the fuck out."

He didn't have to tell you twice; you were already moving in that direction. In the doorway, you caught a brief wind of confidence and turned to face him.

"You may be my Commander..." you glared at him one last time. "...but you'll never be my Master." 

You moved down the narrow hallway. Before you were out of range, you heard the cryptic, metallic voice behind you.

"We'll see."

*Ya'll...I dehydrated myself with this...LOLOL

**Let me know what you think of smutty Kylo! 

***Much more to come!

-K


	6. Master

Starkiller base was on fire.

The whole planet was burning. Imploding from the inside out.

You were running.

Fighting your way through the sea of smoke and debris, you fell into the hangar.

All but a few ships were gone from the grid. The floor crumbled beneath your feet; craters formed in the concrete around you. The room was caving in. 

You had to find him.

Your heart ached with the burden of an unknown loss. 

You knew you should get in one of the remaining ships, escape the planet and never look back.

But you weren’t leaving without him.

Bodies littered the floor. Hundreds of stormtroopers, engineers, and pilots lay dead at your feet. Blood and soot covered the concrete. Your boots left tracks through the carnage. 

You saw a familiar face sprawled out on a stretcher. 

Thomas.

His head was torn open by a massive abrasion and his chest was wrapped in a blood drenched bandage. His blank expression looked up at you. 

You dropped to your knees and gently touched his body, turning your head to the floor as the tears began to form.

Then you heard it. His quiet voice.

“…Ky…is th-that you?”

You gasped.

He was alive. 

“Yes, Tom. I’m here!” The tears ran down your face. “H-How did this happen?”

“The Resistance…” His glaze was distant. “There were too many.” His voice broke as he began to cry. “Ev-everyone is d-d-dead.”

No. 

“Who, Tom? Who is dead?” your own voice was breaking, pleading with him to answer. 

He looked you in the eyes. “Everyone.” Tears streaked the blood on his face. “Wh-where were you?” he sobbed. “We needed you. You weren’t there.”

Your lip quivered. “I-I’m sorry…I-” your voice trailed off…

“We needed you.” 

“Thomas, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” You tried to wipe the blood from his face with your sleeve. You were shaking. “…but you have to tell me who is dead?

“Everyone, Ky…” His breathing shallowed. “…we never had a chance.”

You were nearly hysterical now. 

“Ok, ok, ok..” you panted. Pushing down an anxiety attack. “Tom, let’s go. We have to go.” You started to pick up the gurney. 

He touched your arm. 

“We both know I’m not going anywhere.” He looked peaceful at the realization.

You lost it. Hyperventilating, you cried into his neck. “Don’t you fucking give up; don’t you do that!” 

He gave you a light smile, the color gone from his face. “I guess they were right about me this whole time…” He tried to chuckle but winced instead. “I am a pussy.”

Despite yourself, you smiled back. Hot tears flowing down your face.

“The fucking biggest, Tom.” You held his hand, lightly rubbing it with your thumb. “Please let me help you. Please…”

His eyes glazed over as he looked up at you. “There’s no time...” He gave your hand one last squeeze as his voice trailed off “…but I’m glad you’re here with me.”

You felt him go. Dropping his hand, you curled into a ball beside his limp body. 

You rocked back and forth for a moment, trying to contemplate what you’d just witnessed.

Explosions went off around you, pulling you out of the trance. 

Instantly, you knew there was no more time. You needed to get out. NOW.

…But where was he?   
¬¬¬¬¬  
_____________________________________________________________________

You awoke in a cold sweat.

Gasping for air, you pulled your knees to your chest.

You could still smell the smoke. You could still see the bodies. You could still hear Thomas’s weak voice.

“We never had a chance.”

You were going to be sick. 

Running into the refresher, you threw your body onto the cold tile floor, puking into the toilet. You heaved for what felt like an eternity before you returned to the fetal position, rocking your body back and forth. 

Goosebumps covered your arms as you replayed the dream.

A dream?

There was no way it had been a dream. It had been real. 

But it couldn’t have been real…you were still on the Command Shuttle…

Your brain fought for clarity as it tried to rationalize what had just happened.

Was it…a vision? It had to have been. 

Had you just seen the future? How was that even possible?

Planesense couldn’t do that.

As you reasoned back and forth with yourself, you remembered something.

The Force.

Did The Force give you a glimpse of the future? The concept weighed heavy on your thoughts. 

You were losing your mind. 

You had to get off this fucking ship.

Standing to your feet, you went to check the time. 

0215

There was no way you were going back to sleep. You changed clothes, threw your hair into ponytail and rushed out the door, yanking your bag off the table on the way out.

The hallways of the Command Shuttle were dark and quiet.

You tip-toed your way into the ship bay. You were almost to 6B6 when you heard a sprightly voice pipe up behind you.

“Mistress Kyber, my my is it early!” MD-80 was propped up against the back wall of The Silencer’s dock. 

Shit. Busted. Wait…’Mistress’?

You turned around. “Yeah I know, I’m sorry.” You rubbed your temple. “I couldn’t sleep.”

MD-80 straightened and made his way towards you. 

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Are you finding the arrangements unsatisfactory?”

You shook your head quickly. “No, no nothing like that!” you added a smile for good measure. “I just figured I would get a head start on today’s patrol, that’s all.”

The droid stood silently for a moment. He seemed to be contemplating his options.

“Mistress, I do not think you should leave the Command Shuttle without Commander Ren’s authorization.”

Your eyes narrowed at the mention the Commander.

Ever since you’d gotten back to your room last night you had tried to avoid thinking about him.

You had spent your entire evening reading old manuals on your datapad to prevent your mind from drifting towards him and the incident in the cockpit. 

Inadvertently, your thighs clenched.

Fuck the Commander.

“I have authorization to complete the daily patrols as briefed.” You chose your words carefully. “Commander Ren has not specified a departure time for today.”

MD-80 processed your statement. “Very well…” 

You smiled again, trying to ease his circuits. “Get the door for me, will ya?”

Jumping into your ship you ran the checklists and loaded the second day’s plan into the Management System. 

MD-80 reluctantly flipped the switch that opened the large docking bay door. It rumbled as it sluggishly slid open.

Within seconds you were zooming down through the atmosphere of Chandrila. The planet slept soundly in the darkness below.

Your mind torturously replayed the dream-vision. You couldn’t stop hearing Tom’s voice.

“We needed you.” 

“We never had a chance.”

If the dream had truly been a glimpse of the future, it was your worst fear come to life.

The Resistance would come. They would attack Starkiller and your team wouldn’t make it out alive. 

And there was absolutely nothing you could do about it.

Right?

Your forgotten plan crept back into your mind. You needed to fly offensively. They needed to fly offensively. If you could see your squad retrained in time, perhaps it could save their lives. 

You heard it again.

“We never had a chance.”

Your eyes watered. You would give them a chance. 

But how? You didn’t know how to instruct others in combat maneuvers. You weren’t even sure you could do them yourself. You had originally planned to study the archives, but something told you they would get you nowhere.

You needed a teacher.

The need to vomit rose in your throat again. 

There was only one man you knew who had the ability to destroy X-Wings like it was a sport. And you couldn’t imagine asking him to train you. 

Just the thought of Commander Ren sent your heart into overdrive. 

You remembered the way he had touched you on the control panel. You remembered the way you’d tightened around his thigh as he nearly brought you to orgasm. 

And then he almost killed you.

You closed your eyes. You couldn’t let yourself forget that part. He had almost killed you. 

But he was still the best fucking pilot you’d ever seen, and you needed what he had.

You weren’t naïve enough to believe he would help you, at least not willingly. You had to convince him to teach you…but how? There wasn’t anything in it for him. You knew he didn’t care about the lives of your squadron, and he certainly didn’t care about yours.

You needed leverage. 

So what did he want?

Instantly, you recalled the thoughts you’d shared the night before.

He wanted you. 

To own you. Dominate you. Control you. To call you his Little Girl.

Your stomach sank violently. Yanking off your helmet just in time, you grabbed an airsick bag from behind your seat and puked into it.

After several moments of purging, the fluttering in your stomach subsided. Wiping your mouth, you tied the bag and threw it in the small trash compactor.

NO. You couldn’t be that. You wouldn’t be that. 

But what if it was their only chance? What if you could save them? 

If Commander Ren promised to train you and allowed you the resources to teach your squadron, then maybe you would be willing to…

To do what?

Your thoughts drifted through what being ‘his’ could mean. You shuddered. Was potentially saving the lives of your teammates worth losing your dignity? 

And what if it hadn’t been a vison? 

You relived it once more, thinking about your friends, your family. You pictured all of them lying beside Thomas, all dying needlessly at the hands of The Resistance when you could have given them a chance…

You thought of Avery…

The realization sunk in. You’d give up anything to save him. 

Even yourself…  
____________________________________________________________________

You had spent the last 12 hours lost in your thoughts. You’d contemplated both the vision and the Commander and had weighed all your options. 

By the time the patrol was complete, your decision had been made. 

It was only 1500 when you returned 6B6 to the ship bay. Your early morning departure had allowed you to finish your route significantly early. 

To your surprise, The Silencer was still docked beside you.

Was the Commander back as well? Or did he never leave?

You shuttered your curiosity. You were already drained from your day of contemplating what it would mean to be his ‘Little Girl’ and you didn’t want to spend any more time thinking about him.

You made your way to your room. To your dismay, you saw MD-80 waiting outside. 

“Miss Kyber, Commander Ren requests your presence in the cockpit, now.” His normally chipper tone was diluted into a quiet, hesitant tenor. 

Had you gotten him in trouble with the Commander?

Guilt flooded your mind briefly but was quickly replaced with frustration. 

How is it that you’d only been on the ship for five minutes and Commander Ren was already demanding things from you?

You were exhausted. In the moment you wanted nothing more than to take a shower and eat dinner.

You waved your fingers. Signaling MD-80 to move away from your door. “Listen, I’ve had one hell of a day….” You paused. “But I’m sorry for leaving so early. Did I get you in trouble?”

He cleared his electronic throat. “No ma’am…” He hesitated slightly. “I do not believe I am the one who is in trouble…”

Despite yourself, you smiled. “Good.” You slid past him and opened the door. “I’ll see you later.” 

He spoke up quickly. “Mistress, what about the Commander? I’ve been instructed to bring yo-“

You held your hand up, cutting off his sentence. “MD, you’ve said it yourself. I’m already in trouble.”

You moved into your room, leaving the droid standing in the hallway. “If I’m going to be in trouble either way, I’d like to take a shower first.”

He muttered incoherently as you closed the door.

A thought ran through your mind.

You were going to regret that…

Whatever. Like you said, you were already in trouble. What could another hour hurt?

Stripping off your clothes and letting your hair down, you headed into the refresher. Before you could enter the shower, the large standing tub on the opposite side of the room caught your eye. 

It had been ages since you’d had a soaking bath. The thought instantly filled you with joy. 

You changed course and moved towards the tub, turning on the water and dropping the soap inside. Within seconds, the porcelain bowl had filled with hot, bubbly water. You eagerly climbed over the edge and slowly sunk beneath the warm waves. 

Sighing, you brought the water to your face and hair, sinking lower, allowing the warmth to completely saturate you. After floating for a while, you dragged the soap over your body, washing yourself thoroughly. As your hand brushed the inside of your thigh, you felt the urge to linger there. 

You exhaled loudly. You couldn’t deny the situation with Commander Ren had left you with an unfulfilled need. 

Closing your eyes, you allowed your hand to wander, slowly pulling it up the inside of your thigh and between your legs. You found the sensitive spot and hovered above it, lightly adding pressure until it became stimulated and responsive. 

You moaned quietly as you continued to touch yourself, the warm water fueling your self-induced passion. You brought your other hand to your lathered breast, rolling your nipple lightly between your fingertips.

Your mind went immediately to the Commander. You remembered the way his rough hands had handled you the night before. 

The pleasure. The pain. All of it came flooding back. 

You imagined his hands on you again. His fingers rubbing between your legs instead of your own.

Eyes still closed; the world around you faded away as you dove deeper into your fantasy. Your body trembled as you pictured him aggressively pulling your flight suit down, spreading your legs and pressing his gloved fingers to your entryway.

Gods this was fucked up…

You knew, but you didn’t care.

Your mind pressed on. You remembered the way his erection felt pulsing against your thigh. You imagined unbuckling his leather pants and pushing your hands inside, moving them under the layers to find his hard length…

You gasped. The thought of touching him nearly sent you over the edge.

You were going to cum…

In that very second, you heard a sound from across the room.

Someone cleared their throat. 

Immediately, your approaching climax froze in place as your eyes shot open.

You saw him. 

Lingering in the doorway of the refresher, stood Commander Ren. 

Your heart jumped in your chest as you immediately took your hands off yourself and rushed to move bubbles over your naked body. 

“H-Holy shit, man!” You were shaking, out of fear and…something else. “Get the fuck out of here!” 

He remained silent. Standing motionless in the doorway. 

How the hell did you not hear him come in? Gods, were you that lost in your pursuit? 

Your body still shook as adrenaline pushed the words out. “Are you deaf, dude? I said GET THE FUCK OUT!”

He took a step forward. Your breathing slowed as his huge frame moved towards the tub.

His voice was low and smooth. Even through the mask you could hear his steady, controlled anger.

“Do you have a death wish, Officer?

You gulped. The adrenaline wore off quickly at the sound of his voice.

“Answer me.”

Shaking your head. “No, Sir.”

He stared down at you. “Then would you care to explain why you not only left my ship without authorization, but ignored a direct order to come to me?”

You continued to strategically adjust the bubbles, attempting to cover yourself. “Commander, I’m kind of—"

“Answer me.” He snapped.

You stuttered. “I-I couldn’t sleep, and I thought, I thought I would start early.” You tried to steady your voice. “And I was coming to meet you…just aft-“

He held his hand up, silencing you. 

“Just after you finished writhing around like a dirty slut?”

Your mouth went dry.

How much had he seen?

“Everything.” He snarled. The desire in his voice apparent now. 

You glared in his direction, trying to fight down the lingering embarrassment and arousal. 

“Well, that’s…that’s really fucked up, Sir.” You spat the last word as you felt your own anger grow.

Who did he think he was? Invading your privacy like that?

The thought of him standing in the doorway, watching quietly as you touched yourself, sent you spiraling. You hated to admit it, but the image only partially pissed you off. 

You disgusted yourself. Embarrassment threatened to creep back into your mind, but you quickly channeled it into anger, directing it towards him.

You shouldn’t be upset with yourself. Was it you or him that just watched someone jerk off? 

He was the disgusting one. Not you.

Without thinking, you lashed out. “In fact, I take back my thoughts from the meeting a few days ago…” 

You flashed him a defiant smirk as you let the venomous words roll off your tongue. “…General Hux isn’t the perv…you are!”

You regretted your words immediately. You regretted them even before he knelt down beside the tub and grabbed you by the hair, his grip firm and threatening. 

“Oh, Little Girl…” He paused. His metallic tone sensual and low, nearly a whisper.  
“You have no idea.” 

The hand that held your hair violently pushed you down into the tub, his strength forcing you under the warm water. 

The initial shock of the involuntary submersion made you gasp, immediately filling your lungs with soapy water. 

Your chest burned as you tried to fight your way to the surface, clawing at the gloved hand that held you under. 

He didn’t let up. 

Your lungs were on fire. Unable to keep them at bay, you began to inhale gulps of water. The liquid burned into your nose and made its way down into your chest.

Long moments passed and involuntarily, your body began to slow down. Unable to loosen his grip, you gradually stopped fighting.

The exact moment your body had succumbed to drowning, your head was quickly yanked back up to the surface. 

Gasping and sputtering, you heaved over the side of the tub, spitting up the water you’d been forced to shallow. Your chest continued to burn as your lungs worked tirelessly to push the liquid out. 

The Commander stood up. His body loomed over you as you coughed up the water.

“Stand up.” He barked.

You didn’t know if you could. But you were terrified of what he would do if you didn’t. You used the side of the tub to support your frame as you painfully pulled yourself to your feet.

As you straightened your body, your head felt lighter, the lack of oxygen swiftly catching up with you. 

“I-I can’t-” you breathed. Your sentence was cut off by the rapidly approaching blackout. 

You sensed yourself falling. Blackness crept into the corners of your vision as you gave yourself up to unconsciousness.

The last thing you felt were the strong hands that reached out to catch you.  
______________________________________________________________________

You awoke in a room that you initially mistook as your own. At first glance, it appeared identical to yours. It was only after further inspection that you realized it was slightly superior. There were more pieces of furniture and the bed you were laying on was somewhat larger. 

You sat up straight, looking down at yourself in surprise. 

You were still completely naked, but someone had wrapped you in a large, black cloak. You tied it around yourself tightly as a cold chill shook through you.

Before you could stand up, you heard a low voice from the corner behind you.

“Don’t move.”

You didn’t recognize the voice at first. It was missing a distinctive quality you were used to, something you couldn’t put your finger on…

You moved to turn around on the bed, wanting to face the source of the deep, velvety sound. Immediately, an invisible force gently held you in place, restricting your body from rotating.

The voice spoke again, more demanding this time.

“I said don’t move.”

You gasped out loud. You recognized the dominating tone even without the modulation. 

Commander Ren. You were hearing his real voice. 

You were suddenly flooded with the desire to see his face. You’d never thought of what he may look like below the mask. Before your imagination could run with the possibilities, your chest tensed painfully under the cloak.

And then you remembered. 

He had tried to drown you.

You wanted to be angry. You should have been angry. But at the memory, a different emotion saturated your heart and mind.

Fear.

What was he going to do with you? Where were you? 

Was this his room?

“Yes. It is.” The Commander’s smooth voice echoed behind you. 

The cold chills returned to graze your skin. You shuddered under the heavy leather wrap, shimmying further down into the dense fabric. 

“How are you feeling?” His voice was low and inquisitive. 

You didn’t dare speak. 

“Answer me, little one.” The tone was darker, but still soft.

You were shaking. “C-cold.” You whispered.

You heard him sigh. 

In the corner of the room, a fluffy blanket was draped across a lounge chair. You watched it slip off the chair and levitate in midair before making its way towards you, hovering slowly. 

As you sat cross-legged on the bed, still lightly pinned by the invisible power, the suspended blanket fell over your lap. 

“You may take it, pet.” He paused. “…but if you turn around, you will be punished again.”

The force holding your body was released. 

Pet? What the actual fuck…

As much as you wanted to correct him, you held your tongue. You were furious with him, sure. But given your last experience, you were too terrified to talk back. Your hands trembled as you reached out for the blanket. You quickly bundled yourself up under it, being careful not move any more than necessary.

“Good girl.” He hummed.

You could hear him shuffling. It sounded as if he were rising from a chair.

Impulsively, you winced as you heard him move closer.

“Relax.” He demanded. “I’m not going to hurt you anymore today.” He paused; his voice suddenly cryptic. “…unless you ask me to.”

You heard him pick up something heavy off the bedside table behind you. A combination of hisses and clicks vibrated through the room as you heard the helmet latch around his face. 

He stepped in front of the bed, shifting into your view.

“Try to stand.” His voice was modulated again.

You stared at him. Unwilling to move.

“Now.” He insisted. It wasn’t an option this time.

You scooted to the edge of the bed and placed your bare feet on the cold, concrete floor. He moved to stand in front of you as you slowly stood up, the blanket and oversized cloak dragging the ground.

You felt yourself sway lightly as your head adjusted to the vertigo. His hands shot out quickly as he anticipated the need to catch you, but you had already caught your balance. Straightening up on your own, you starred up into his mask. 

“Happy?” you raised your eyebrows.

He stood silently for a moment, assessing you. 

“Your room is down the hall.” He murmured as he began walking to the door. “You will meet me in the cockpit in 30 minutes for the patrol debrief.”

He stopped in the doorway. “I suggest you attend this time, Officer.” He spat your title; the softness long gone from his voice. 

And then he was gone, stalking out of the room.

You waited until you could no longer hear his heavy footsteps. Once the coast was clear, you shuffled out the door and into the hallway. You were surprised to see you were only one door down from your own room.

You knew it wasn’t a big ship, and there were only a handful of quarters, but you still expected the Commander to be more…secluded. 

Once back inside your room you tossed the cape and blanket onto the bed and changed into a pair of leggings and a soft, oversized sweater. 

Fuck looking ‘professional’.

He had just tried to drown you.

You were well past professional.

The experience you’d been trying to suppress washed over you as you reentered the refresher. The tub had been drained and the small tiled room was spotless, as if it had been cleaned. You stared at the empty tub, remembering the way he had forced you under the water. In that moment, you had been sure he was going to kill you. 

Your chest still burned slightly as you breathed. 

He had almost killed you, again. And yet he had taken care of you, looked after you in his own room, given you his cloak and his blanket, called you pet…

Bile rose in your throat for what seemed like the millionth time that day. 

You choked it down as you glanced in the mirror.

Fucking hell. 

You were a hot mess. Your wet hair had dried in a tangled mat, your eyes were dark and puffy, and the purple handprint still circled your throat. 

You barely recognized yourself…

You quickly brushed your hair out and divided it into two separate braids, twisting the ends together into a bun at the base of your neck. You pulled out a few chunky pieces of hair to frame your face. Next, you brushed your teeth and dabbed under your eyes and around your neck with concealer, successfully masking the dark bruises and puffiness. 

Looking at your reflection you gave yourself a small smile. 

There you were.

It was crazy how only a few moments of self-care could make you feel so much better. 

Back in the main room, you heated up one of the pre-packs in the pantry. You chose BEEF, BROCCOLI. It was incredible. As you paced and munched on the broccoli, you thought about the patrol you’d done that day.

It hadn’t been too different from the one yesterday in terms of your findings. However, you’d spent the whole time contemplating your ‘force vision’- or whatever the hell it was- and you had thought that you’d come to a decision. 

The calculus was simple. 

If it was the future, you needed to change it.

To change it, you all needed to fly better. To fight better.

And for that you needed a teacher. A good teacher.

Commander Ren. 

You knew he wouldn’t teach you unless there was something in it for him. So during the patrol, you had considered the pros and cons of giving him what you knew he wanted. 

You.

In exchange for what you wanted.

Him…well technically his knowledge and combat skills…but him, nonetheless. 

But after the trauma you’d just endured in the tub, you doubted you had the stamina to be “his.” You could handle a little pain and degradation, but you were no good to your squad dead. 

You fought down the tears that threatened to spill out. You had to be strong. Your friends needed you. Your family needed you. 

You could do this.

Looking at the clock, you realized it was time to go. You didn’t dare be late. You left your bag and datapad and walked out of the room with only yourself. 

Walking the familiar route to the flight deck, you soon found yourself standing outside the cockpit door. 

Adrenaline pulsed through your veins as you inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to lower your heart rate. Your chest still ached slightly, but you pushed the throbbing pain down as you steadied your breaths. You didn’t bother trying to assemble the brick wall around your mind. It was useless anyway…

The door slid open. Commander Ren was seated in the pilot’s chair, facing you, just as before.

He waved his hand, slinging the door shut behind you, and signaling you to speak. 

“Report.”

You dove into a detailed description of a day filled with absolutely nothing of value. However, you had a knack for making nothing sound like something. You fluffed up the debrief with random coordinates for suspected trading, civilian crash sites and potential resource mines. By the end of your report, you had managed to make it sound like you had truly worked hard for the First Order, and not just come back empty handed for the second day in a row. 

The cool voice broke through your façade. 

“So you found nothing.” He stood up and took a few steps in your direction. “And you were so eager to leave my ship…” He tilted his head. “…just to do nothing.”

You squinted at him. You were irritated already but you tried your best not to show it. This conversation was going to be hard enough without you taking the bait each time he lashed out. 

“I flew the profile as previously discussed, Sir.” You smiled. It was only marginally sarcastic. “…but I will work extra hard tomorrow.”

He shifted slightly. For a moment you thought he was going to hit you. 

But he did nothing.

Hm…

This was your chance. 

You gently walked towards him, batting your eyelashes. “I am sorry though, Commander.” You were playing the long game now. “I promise to do better next time.”

You saw his hand twitch as you sauntered towards him. Stopping a few inches away, you mimicked his previous action, tilting your head and looking up at him. “Can you forgive me?” you kept your voice low and seductive. 

You went in for the kill, slowly sucking on your bottom lip and giving it a light nibble.

You knew he hated that.

You waited for his reaction.

He continued to do nothing. To your surprise, the Commander didn’t react. At all.

In fact, he turned away from you and returned to the pilot’s seat behind him. Swiveling around to face the control panel, he spoke quietly over his shoulder.

“Get out.”

The cockpit door slid open behind you.

Your jaw dropped. 

What…? Isn’t this want he wanted?

You stood there for a moment as your mind raced.

Without warning, he stood up and slammed his fists into the panel, sending white sparks flying through the red room. He hunched over the control board, his fists resting in the indents his hands had made. You watched his shoulders rise and fall as he tried to control his anger. 

The connection that tied your minds had been triggered. You could feel the rage coursing through his blood, you could feel his need to destroy something, someone.

“I said…GET. OUT.”

Your legs shook as you took a wobbly step backwards.

Ok, you had fucked up. You had to fix this.

“Commander Ren, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

He pivoted sharply. The brisk movement shocked you and sent you tripping backward onto the floor.

With one stride, he was standing over you. He spoke through gritted teeth.

“Why do you find it so fucking impossible to obey me, Officer?” his fists clenched. “When I say get out, I mean. Get. The. Fuck. Out.” 

You scrambled to your feet and dashed towards the door. You must have misunderstood. He didn’t want you. He hated you. You could feel it. You had misread the signals and royally fucked up everything.

You couldn’t talk to him now. He would never listen…

You were halfway through the door when you heard him behind you.

“Talk to me about what?” his voice still saturated with anger.

You didn’t even look back as you continued your exit. Shaking your head. “Nothing. Forget it.”

The door shut rapidly, nearly slicing you in half as you barely jumped back in time. 

MotherFUCKER.

You wanted to scream. Instead, you took a deep breath. 

Get it together.

“Commander…” you spoke softly, still facing the door. “What do you want from me?”

You heard him shift. 

“Look at me.” He still sounded furious, but somehow his tone was less menacing.

You turned around, gradually making eye contact with his mask.

“Speak.” He demanded.

There was no point in protesting further. You knew he would take the information if you didn’t give it to him.

Hesitating, you looked down at your hands. “I was wondering about something.” You fidgeted with your sweater. “You mentioned The Force…”, hesitating, “…can it show you the future?” 

He inhaled loudly. “What did you see?” 

You couldn’t find the words. Instead, you re-played the dream in your mind, knowing he would share it. 

He stood silently for a moment. You felt his anger slowly bleed off as he worked through the vision.

“Yes.” He finally spoke. His voice was calculated. You could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “That is the future.” 

You knew it. 

Suddenly, you felt relieved. Maybe you weren’t losing your mind after all. 

“Then it’s true? The Resistance is coming for Starkiller base?” you heard the fear in your own voice. 

He nodded. 

Wait…did he already know?

“Commander…” you waited for him to acknowledge you. He didn’t. 

You continued anyway. “Aren’t you concerned? Shouldn’t we tell someone?” 

“It wouldn’t make a difference.” His voice was distant now, he spoke briefly as if he were speaking to himself, lost in his own thoughts. 

Although strange, it sparked another question. “Can it be…changed? The future?” you asked quietly.

Still detached from the conversation; he took a seat in the pilot’s chair. “I don’t know.” He muttered. 

You suddenly felt out of place. Turning to leave, you waved your hand in front of the keypad. The door didn’t budge. You tried again. Still nothing.

You felt the energy in the small room shift. He had realized something.

“That isn’t all you wanted to talk about.” His electronic tone immediately lowered. “What else, Officer?” 

Your heart stopped beating for a moment as you understood.

He knew.

You closed your eyes and caught your breath. “I-I changed my mind…”

“No you didn’t.” His voice guided you. “Ask me.” 

You felt his anticipation building. You remained silent.

“ASK ME.” He growled.

Flicking his wrist, he turned you around to face him. Still sitting in the chair, he moved his gaze up and down your body. 

He brought a gloved had to his thigh and patted it lightly. “Come.”

No fucking way. He wanted you to sit on his…lap?

He grew impatient. “Pet…” He warned. “I won’t ask again.”

Pet…? Back to that? You were getting serious whiplash…

Fuck it. 

You moved to stand in front of him and he gently pulled you onto his lap. He draped your legs over his thighs and wrapped your right arm around the back of his neck, holding your waist and balancing you on top of him. 

Your heart was beating out of your chest. You knew he could feel it. 

His sensual, modulated voice spoke directly into your ear. 

“Ask me, little one.”

You trembled from fear and -to your disgust- excitement. 

“I-I wanted to ask you to…teach me how to fly like you...” You tensed as you waited for his reaction. 

Nothing. 

You continued. “…because of the…dream I-” you let the words fade. “I want you to instruct me…and then let me teach my team.” You cleared your voice at the end, trying to sound more confident.

He brought his right hand, the one not holding your waist, over to brush your knee. He lightly traced circles around it.

“And why would I do that?”

You took a deep breath. It was now or never.

“Because you want me to be your…” You cringed slightly. “…Little Girl…” 

You stared down at his hand, still making soft loops around your kneecap. “…and If you helped me…If you promised you would teach me then…” Your voice trailed off, unable to finish your sentence. 

His erection grew beneath you.

So you were right. He did want you.

“…then you’d be mine?” His voice was dark. 

Still looking down, you nodded. 

“No.” He growled again, making you jump. “Answer me.”

“Y-yes, Commander.” Your lip quivered. “I’d be yours…”

“Hm.” The hand on knee moved slowly up your leg, dipping between your legs and dividing them. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t want it, princess.” He hummed in your ear.

Damn him.

He was right, of course. Despite what you tried to tell yourself, you did want it. Your body responded in its typical fashion, warmth flooding between your legs. Your mouth went dry and your breathing slowed. Your senses heightened as you felt his hand brush your slit. Involuntarily, you wiggled in anticipation on his lap.

“Such a needy Little Girl…” his voice full of desire. “Do you want Daddy to make you cum?”

Daddy…

The nickname sent chills down your spine…and wetness to your thighs.

Forgetting every time before, you nodded. 

“No.” He was getting frustrated. “You know better. Answer me.”

You tried to swallow; your mouth still dry. 

Ah…fuck it.

“Yes. Yes please, Commander.”

He stiffened under you as his hand ripped the seam of your leggings with one violent jerk. You gasped as you heard the fabric between your legs tear apart. You instantly felt a slight breeze over the outside of your panties, as your crotch lay exposed. 

“Wh-what the fu-” Instinctively, you reached to cover yourself. 

In one fast adjustment, he moved his left hand that had been wrapped around your waist to also pin your arm to your side. 

Now you were sitting on his lap, thighs spread, leggings torn down the middle, your left arm pinned to your side and the right one wrapped around his neck.

He tossed the shredded fabric away and moved his right hand up to your thin, black panties. His gloved fingers gently pushed them to the side, exposing you to him. 

“Hm” he breathed into your neck. “You look so beautiful like this…”

You were shaking. 

Was it because you were afraid, nervous or aroused? You didn’t know.

“Relax, little one.” He ordered, as he slowly slipped his middle finger into your already wet folds, finding your responsive clit. 

“Gods you’re so ready for me…” you could hear the need in his voice. 

You whimpered as he circled it. His wet glove pressed directly against your sensitive spot. Your breathing deepened as you felt your own desire grow, the pleasure building rapidly under this touch. 

After a moment, he reposited, moving his thumb to stimulate your clit as he palmed you with his large hand. He took his middle finger and hovered outside of your entrance, slowly circling around the opening, pulling your juices down. 

Your shaking increased, anticipating his next move. 

“I said, relax.” He teased you slightly, pressing his middle finger in you, but only to the tip. His voice deepened. “Pet, I’m going in you now…” He paused. “…do you want that?”

You were panting, the pleasure already pushing you up the cliff you been hiking for the past two days. 

You nodded aggressively.

He growled. “No.”

Right…Answer him…

“Yes. Yes I want it.” You breathed quickly.

He pushed his middle finger inside you before the sentence had left your mouth. 

You cried out and held onto his neck as he moved his finger in and out, simultaneously rubbing your clit with his thumb.

“H-holy shiiit…” you moaned into him, your nerves on fire. Your face flushed as your body climbed the hill. Without thinking, you leaned your face against his cold helmet, gripping his neck tighter as you rode his fingers. The cool metal rubbed against your face as you sighed down into the crook of his neck. 

His body tensed at the contact, but he allowed it. His pace between your legs quickened. “Tell me whose you are.” His sensual tone pushed you closer.

You were nearly convulsing; it was too much. 

“…tell me.”

“Y-Yours, Commander.” You panted against the mask, almost over the edge. “Yours.”

He backed off from his pursuit, pulling his finger out of you.

“Wh-what, no…” You groaned into him, wiggling your legs to bring him back in. 

“That’s not who I am to you anymore, pet.” His voice leading you. “Who am I?”

You knew what he was asking for.

Tears broke as you shivered against him, needing the release. 

“…Please, please…” you paused, finally giving up. “…M-master”

He entered you again, this time adding his index finger, pulling you wider and deeper. Swirling your own juices around your clit with his thumb.

It sent you spiraling -finally- off the ledge. Your eyes rolled back into your head as you moaned and writhed on his lap.

“That’s a good Little Girl…” his voice coaxed you. “Cum for your Master.”

And you did.

Hard.

You saw stars. Your body climaxed so fiercely it brought a fresh batch of tears to your eyes. They rolled down your cheeks and onto his helmet as you came on his hand.

Panting, you floated down from the high, collapsing into his chest. 

You shuddered as he pulled his fingers out of you, your overstimulated clit throbbing.

He tugged the panties back into place, covering you once again. He let go of your waist, unpinning your arm. Without his hands to steady you, you gripped his neck even tighter so you wouldn’t fall off his lap. 

He looped both hands into the waist of your tattered leggings and pulled what remined of them down to your boots. He unlaced the boots with his right hand as his left returned to your waist. 

“Kick off the boots, little one.” 

You did. Tears still rolled down your face as your body worked through the aftermaths of the orgasm. 

With the boots off, he pulled the torn leggings over your socks and tossed them onto the floor, leaving you on his lap in just your underwear and sweater. 

As your heart rate returned to normal, your brain function returned with it.

What had you just done?

You tried to wiggle off his lap but he held you tight.

“No.” His tone darkened again. “Bad.”

You huffed. “Am I just going to sit here all night then?” you suddenly wanted to stand. You wanted some kind of independence back. 

He tightened his grip on your waist. “If I want you to.”

But as he spoke, he dipped his right arm under the crook of your legs and stood up, holding you like a bride. 

Coming to your senses. “H-hey what the hell?” you wiggled again “…put me down.”

He didn’t speak as he carried you out of the cockpit, through the hallway and down the stairs. He carried you all the way into your room, the door flinging open on his silent command. He sat you gently on the bed.

You glared up at him. “Was that really necessary?”

He looked down at you. 

“No.” 

He started to leave, but he lingered momentarily. “Pack your bags. We start tomorrow.” 

Confusion washed over you. “Start…what exactly?”

“Your training.” His voice was even. You couldn’t detect any emotion whatsoever.

You scrunched your eyebrows together. 

“But…Comman-” You paused, remembering what he had said in the cockpit. “I mean Mas- I mean- Commander…” 

You couldn’t bring yourself to call him…that…again.

“What about the patrol? The Resistance escape pod?” 

He had already turned to leave, stopping just briefly in the doorway.

“I found it yesterday.” He muttered as the door clicked shut.


	7. A Lesson

**TW**: NSFW!! Dom/sub energy, extremely dubious consent, blood, orgasm denial, rough sex, sexual harassment, emotional distress, alcohol abuse, Force use, y/n thinks of death, description of abuse/trauma, discussion of sexual assault, men are assholes, men with bad tempers, slightly more than problematic, kylo is mean to us, kylo literally hits us, he actually spits on us, we bleed, aftercare kind of but not really, guys kylo is not nice in this one either, he hurts us, we are degraded, he breaks into our room, stranger danger, we drink a lot of alcohol, we have unhealthy coping mechanisms, I need professional help after writing this

**don't read this if you are in a tender mental state plz **

If you choose to read, please comment and let me know what you think!

<3 Love you all! Stay safe!

It was only morning and you needed a beer.

You'd spent the entire night pacing in your room trying to wrap your mind around the events of the past few days. You were mentally and emotionally drained.

You couldn't deny that last night had gotten really, really out of control. You had replayed it over and over in your head trying to understand how the fuck you lost yourself that quickly.

How could you have so impulsively given yourself over to a man who consistently tried to kill you?

A man who had serious anger management issues and a compulsive need to control everything around him, including you.

A man whose face you'd never even seen...

And you'd given him the impression that he owned you...

You grimaced in the mirror as you brushed your teeth. You had called him Master.

You got angry all over again as you remembered the pointless 12-hour patrol you'd done the day before. He had already found the escape pod, on the first day.

Why had he not told you? Why did he let you continue circling the goddamned planet for hours upon end?

You had all the intentions of demanding answers from him once you saw him again.

Before packing away your things on the vanity, you decided to put on makeup for your return to Starkiller. Thankfully the handprint around your neck was fading and it only took a small amount of cover up to hide. You ran through your typical routine but decided to wear your hair down. Sleeping in the tight braids had left it to fall in waves.

Back in the main room you folded the Commander's cape and blanket and left them on the bed. Bags packed and flight suit on, you searched the room for your boots.

And then you remembered.

You'd kicked them off in the cockpit the night before while under the command of your Master.

Fucking perfect.

You grabbed your bags and began the walk of shame up to the flight deck and prayed to the Gods you wouldn't run into the Commander. As you rounded the first turn out of the hallway, you nearly smacked into MD-80.

The black droid jumped backward. "Oh my..." He straightened quickly. "I was just coming to see if you were awake." He glanced down at your socked feet. "May I take your bags, Mistress?"

You handed your luggage over. "Why do you call me that?" you snapped.

He blinked. "I-It is my protocol to be forthcoming and proper in-"

You waved your hand. "Forget it." You were misdirecting anger. No need to overthink everything.

You pushed past him down the corridor and made your way up the slender staircase towards the cockpit.

The minute you stepped foot in the thin hallway you felt Kylo Ren.

His energy, his spirit, his...presence, all of it flooded over you. The strength of the bond nearly knocked you to the floor.

You had felt his energy before, but never like this. In this moment you felt like a part of him.

Was this The Force?

The cockpit door at the end of the hall slid open and Commander Ren stood in the doorway, facing you in the narrow space. You remembered his words from the first briefing.

"If you use The Force on me again, I'll kill you."

Fear gripped your heart. You didn't want him to hurt you.

"I'm not doing this." You blurted, attempting to free yourself from his inevitable wrath.

He stared straight ahead, unmoving. "Doing what?"

You glared. "This connection. It's not me"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He disappeared back into the red room.

What?...He had to feel it too. Why would he lie?

You turned to leave the hallway. It was too early for this bullshit.

His voice rang through the cylinder. "Aren't you forgetting something, Officer?"

You looked down at your socks.

Fuck.

Reluctantly you swung back around and stomped into the red cockpit. The Commander was in the pilot's chair facing the panel. He appeared to be running checklists. You blushed as you looked at the seat, remembering sitting on it with him.

You shook your head to suppress the memory as you spotted your boots sitting on the co-pilots seat. Picking them up, you sat down on the chair and slipped them on, quickly lacing them up and moving to stand again, eager to leave.

Nothing good ever happened to you in this room.

"Stay." Commander Ren spoke without looking at you, still submersed in his duties.

You hesitated.

"Don't make me force you." His tone was low. "You're already in trouble as it is."

You swiveled the chair towards him, glaring. "I'm in trouble?" Your anxiety rose. "May I ask why, Commander?"

Still looking at the controls. "For acting like a fucking brat yesterday." He spat as he continued pressing buttons. "I haven't forgotten the way you tried to manipulate me with your pathetic seduction attempt."

Shit. You'd forgotten about that.

You remembered the way you'd tried to come on to him the night before. In an unimpressive attempt to coerce him into doing your bidding.

He did end up agreeing to train you...well kind of. But you'd found out quickly that if he wasn't in control, he didn't want it.

"I-uh...I said I was sorry" you reminded him.

"Your apology means nothing to me." Flipping one last switch, he finally turned to face you. "You need to learn what happens when you disrespect me."

The color drained from your face as you met his metallic gaze.

"Wh-what happens?" you stuttered.

"You'll see..." The panel beeped behind him. "...later."

He turned back to the red window. "Buckle up."

You did as instructed but your mind reeled over what he had said. "We're going back to Starkiller?" as you said the words you remembered your resentment towards him. Before he could answer you unbuckled your seatbelt and turned to face him.

"Also...what the fuck is wrong with you? You found the pod on the first day? Were you planning on telling me or were you just going to let me fly circles around the wilderness for no goddamned reas-"

He leapt out of his seat so quickly it cut your sentence off. He straddled you in the copilot's chair, violently throwing his weight onto your body. He took his hand and pressed it to your face, smashing it sideways into the headrest as he leaned down and brought his mask to your ear.

"If I tell you to patrol, you do it." You could hear him snarling. "If I tell you to walk out of the fucking airlock, you do it." He moved his hand from your face, sliding it down to your neck.

"Your time means nothing to me." He used the pressure on your neck to turn your face towards him. "Youmean nothing to me."

He brought his index finger from your neck and pushed it aggressively in your mouth. "The next time you speak to me like that I'll stuff this filthy mouth of yours with my--" the panel beeped again behind him.

He looked over his shoulder and muttered something illegible. He started to move his huge figure off of you, but before his weight left you completely, he pushed his finger further into your mouth, making you gag audibly.

Moving back into his seat, he glanced at you as you used your sleeve to wipe the trail of spit his finger had left behind.

"I like that sound, pet." His tone was ominously suggestive.

You gaped at him, slowly registering what he was referring to.

"You're disgusting." You whispered tentatively.

But despite your words, the image of what he was suggesting manifested quickly, sending an uninvited warmth to your lower body.

He swung back around and started engaging the takeoff sequence. "Buckle up." He paused. "Unless you want to get thrown into the ceiling."

You were still shaking from the intrusion on your gag reflexes, but you quickly scrambled to latch the safety harness around you.

The Command Shuttle lurched into lightspeed.

You kept your thoughts preoccupied by watching the flight controls again, trying your best not to fantasize about the visual the Commander had painted for you.

Still latched onto his energy, you could feel him fighting a similar urge. You wished you could see into his mind like he could yours.

What was he thinking about?

"Fucking you until you can't walk." He spoke calmly, with little emotion detectable in this tone.

Your eyes widened and you blinked three times in a row, replaying the sentence to ensure you hadn't imagined it.

You opened your mouth to protest but you couldn't find the words. Instead you just gawked at him while the floodgates between your legs broke apart.

Fucking hell.

You swallowed the saliva building up in your mouth.

Silence fell over the cockpit, as did a heavy, tangible tension. You both sat in uncomfortable silence until the aircraft broke from lightspeed and Starkiller base came into view.

The Commander flipped switches until the shuttle stopped moving, coming to a halt right outside the base's gravitational pull.

He rested his hands on his legs and rotated his chair towards you.

Your heart skipped a beat. Actually, it skipped two beats...maybe three.

"Little Girl..." his voice was neutral, allowing no emotion. "It is time we agree on the arrangement you proposed."

Your eyes widened again.

He continued. "I will teach you what you need to know and see to it that you are given the opportunity to utilize the skill set."

You couldn't breathe.

"In exchange..." you saw him shift slightly. "You will agree to be mine."

How had you forgotten how to breathe?

"Exclusively." He added as he fell silent, awaiting your response.

You blinked rapidly, trying to form a sentence. "W-wh-what does that mean, exactly?"

He leaned back in the chair.

"It means, pet..." he paused. "That you will be my pet." Darkness crept into his voice. "You will do as I say, when I say, with no hesitations or questions."

Your lip began to quiver. "Ok, but what if I don't?"

"Then you will get in trouble..." now you could detect an emotion in his voice. Excitement. "...and you will be punished."

You swallowed loudly. Your mind raced.

This was what you wanted right? He agreed to train you, give you access to the resources you needed...help you save your friends...

It was your idea in the first place but now that you were faced with the choice, you hesitated. Your subconscious waved a huge red flag through the air.

He was dangerous.

You cleared your throat.

"Will you hurt me?" the fear you felt inside seeped out through your voice.

He stared straight at you.

"Yes."

You inhaled sharply, the anxiety continuing to build.

"Will you..." you hesitated again "...kill me?"

He sighed, growing frustrated.

"Probably not."

You stared at the floor.

Well there was your answer. Now you just had to decide was it worth it? Was saving their lives worth being owned? Manipulated?

...Tortured?

"I have no interest in torturing you, little one."

You stared at him and wondered what he did have interest in. Although, you felt certain you already knew...

"Time is up." He was growing impatient. "Are you mine?" he demanded an answer.

You weighed the options one last time. It was either this or allow your vision to come true. You thought about your friends, you thought about your brother. If it were reversed, Avery wouldn't hesitate to protect you. You knew he'd give his life for you. Now it was your chance to make a difference. It was your chance to save him.

You closed your eyes.

"Yes..." you sighed. "I'm yours."

As the words left your lips you felt tears pool in your eyes. Sadness crept over you as you resigned yourself to your new fate.

He said nothing but turned to the controls and reengaged the flight systems. The Command Shuttle began its approach. You sat in silence as you watched him land the shuttle perfectly in the center of Hangar 4. Stormtroopers immediately flocked to the ship in preparation for the Commander's exit.

He stood up. "I have some arrangements to make." He pointed at you. "Go straight to your room and don't do anything until you hear from me." Before you could respond, he was out the door.

You unbuckled your harness and turned around just in time to see him stalk down the narrow hallway and down the stairs.

You sat in the cockpit until you saw him in the hangar through the red window. He waved his hand and sent two stormtroopers marching off in a different direction, while the rest of the battalion followed him out.

"Are you ready to go, Mistress?"

You jumped at the voice, nearly falling out of the seat. MD-80 had snuck in behind you.

"Yes..." still gazing out the window. "Get me the fuck off this ship."

__________________________________________________________________

Your squad must have been out on assignment, because the common room and corridor was completely empty. You had even gone to knock on Avery's door, with no answer.

Back in your studio you felt peaceful for the first time in days.

You were home.

Well...the closest to home you could get.

Your formal uniform was back from the dry cleaners and was hanging on the hook inside of the door. You put it back in the closet and unpacked your bag from the trip.

Checking the time, you were annoyed to find it was still early. You had a whole day to kill while you waited on a summoning from your new Master.

Over the next few hours you did laundry in the laundromat, worked out in the gym and made lunch. Still only mid-day, you decided to take a long nap. The lack of sleep from the night before, and the night before that hadfinally caught up with you.

You woke up feeling like a new woman and decided to take a shower and blow out your hair. You were so bored you even took the time to add hot rollers.

Rollers in your hair, you plopped down on the couch with a bowl of ice cream for dinner.

Maybe you could get used to this...it was nice to have a slow day for a change.

Just as you settled in to one of your favorite holodrama's, a knock came from the door.

Was the squad back?

You shuffled excitedly to the door but as you opened it, you were immediately disappointed.

MD-80 looked you up and down curiously.

"Good evening miss Kyber, don't you look...lovely." He was polite and sarcastic as ever.

"Long time no see." You smiled an exaggerated smile. "How can I help you?"

"General Hux requests your presence in half an hour. I am charged with escorting you to his office."

General Hux? What the hell...

Anxiety built rapidly in your chest.

"Did he say why?" you paused. "...and will Commander Ren be there?" strangely the thought of him being there made you feel more comfortable.

However that realization made you even more uncomfortable.

The droid shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mistress." He continued. "They don't tell me anything around here..."

You smiled. "Same..." MD-80 was growing on you.

You looked around the corridor. It was still deserted. "Well, let me get changed..." you paused. "Would you like to come in?"

He took a quick step back. "No, no Mistress. I will wait here."

You rolled your eyes. "Suit yourself."

Back inside, you took the rollers out and let the voluminous waves cascade around your shoulders, smiling at the result. You never took the time to use them. The boredom had certainly payed off. The thought of standing before General Hux again intimidated you enough to apply makeup. You even added the berry tinted lip balm.

In the closet you changed into your freshly pressed formal uniform, pausing briefly as you pulled the skirt on. You remembered the Commander's words from the elevator.

"Don't ever wear this again..."

You rolled your eyes at the memory. It seemed so long ago even though it had only been a few days. So much had happened between then and now. You couldn't imagine him caring about it at this point. Plus, you had another meeting and wearing a flight suit wouldn't be appropriate. Surely, he could understand that.

You slipped on the black heels and met MD-80 in the hallway.

He escorted you all the way into to the admin offices of Hangar 4, leaving you outside the elevator in the circular marble lobby. The receptionist looked you up and down before waving you in the direction of General Hux's door.

As you approached, the stormtroopers guarding the entrance completely ignored you. Taking a deep breath, you knocked.

"What?" snapped the voice inside.

You opened the door slowly and stepped in. The General was sitting at his desk, holograms all around him. He seemed to be in the middle of planning another invasion or an attack. As soon as he saw you, he swiped the holograms away. A cruel smile spread across his pale face. His features were as sharp as you remembered.

"Officer, what an excellent surprise it was to see you on my schedule this evening." His tone was suggestive and cold. He waved you over. "Please my dear, come sit."

Walking through the dark office you made sure to check under the shadows of the pillars. No sign of the Commander. A mixture of relief and disappointment rolled through you.

You took a seat in front of the General's obnoxiously large desk. Your heart was beating out of your chest, but you flashed him a smile. You knew he found you attractive. He had made that clear the first time you'd met.

There was no denying he made you uncomfortable...but if you could take some of the edge off by working his perversion in your favor, you would. You weren't afraid to exploit powerful men to get what you wanted.

That's what you were doing to Commander Ren, after all. You reminded yourself.

"It's wonderful to see you, Sir." Still smiling. "...but I'm confused as to why we are meeting again so soon..." You widened your eyes, hoping to appear innocent and confused. "Have I done something wrong, General?"

He took the bait. His sharpness dulled significantly as he leaned over the desk on his elbows.

"No little duck, quite the opposite." He looked you up and down. "It would seem that Commander Ren was impressed with your performance on the last mission and has requested you be transferred out of your current squadron and reassigned to him full-time."

Your stomach sank to the floor.

Reassigned from the 2103? That wasn't a part of the deal.

You scrunched your eyebrows together but tried to maintain your persona, making direct eye contact with the General.

"Sir, I don't understand..." you paused as you saw him stand up from his desk and slowly stalk in the direction of your chair.

He leaned down in front of you and placed his hand on your bare knee.

"Child, there is no need to waste time pondering the decisions of powerful men." His tone was low and menacing. "We do what we want, when we want." His hand moved up your leg.

You pushed it off gently and quickly tried to redirect the tension.

"General, please I--"

He glared at you, cutting you off. Your hold on him slowly faded as his anger built.

"Ducky, don't fight me." He frowned. "I can make your life very difficult."

He replaced his hand with more intensity, squeezing your knee again. He pressed it harder until you flinched.

"Now, where was I..." He leaned in toward your face, smelling strongly of aftershave and peppermint. You struggled against him again, but he pressed on, using his other hand, he picked up your hair and smelt it.

Suddenly, you heard the office door swing open as General Hux went flying back into the desk, hitting the black marble floor with a loud thud.

You swung around to see Commander Ren moving swiftly towards him.

"General, I'd advise you not to touch what is mine." He was feral. You could hear it in his voice.

Wincing, Hux lifted himself off the floor.

"Yours, Ren?" He glared at the Commander. "I think we both know that the Supreme Leader is the one who decid—" his voice immediately faded as he was lifted into the air.

"You don't know anything." Snarling, Commander Ren raised him up to meet his eye level.

Hux spoke through the invisible hold around his throat. "I-I know that if she isn't what he thinks she is, then she won't be anything to the First Order." He wheezed. "N-not even yours, Ren."

The Commander threw him into the back wall. His body slid down the glass.

You were sitting with your jaw on the floor. Confusion hit you in waves as you tried to understand the cryptic dialogue.

"W-what?" You shook your head as you looked up at the Commander.

General Hux pulled himself to his feet again, giving you a cruel smile. "He hasn't told you, little duck?"

You could see Commander Ren's fist clench as the General addressed you.

Hux moved forward, coming to a seat behind the desk. "The Supreme Leader has taken a peculiar interest in you." He brushed the dust off his blazer. "Snoke has allowed your temporary transfer but when the time comes, you will be evaluated by him. If he doesn't see whatever it is he's looking for..." Hux paused, his eyes cutting into you "...then you will be permanently released from the First Order."

You felt lightheaded.

An evaluation? Released from the First Order? The Supreme-fucking-Leader?

Why was he interested in you?

You began to shake as you thought about having to face Supreme Leader Snoke. You'd never actually seen him before, but you'd heard the stories. You knew he was powerful, evil and utterly terrifying.

Your heart rate accelerated. This was way more than you'd bargained for. You cut the Commander a vicious look, knowing he could hear your thoughts.

THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE DEAL.

He didn't even look at you. His masked glare was centered on the man behind the desk.

"You forget your place, General." He spat.

General Hux smirked, fully aware of the viable tension he had created between the two of you. At that exact moment a hologram appeared on his desk. The fuzzy, blue outline of a First Order Captain swayed in midair.

The transparent figure spoke frantically. "General Hux, we have a problem on Cantonica. We request immediate back up, our troops are—"

General Hux rolled his eyes and waved his hand, swiping the hologram off.

"This meeting is over." He stood up. "It would appear I'm needed elsewhere..." He began gliding to the door "...and it would appear you two have a lot to...discuss." He sneered, looking directly at you. "I'll be seeing you again soon, ducky."

With that he sauntered out the door, leaving you alone with the Commander. "Prepare my ship." You heard him spit to his secretary on the way out.

You continued to glare daggers into the mask of the Commander, waiting for him to speak. But he continued to ignore you, turning slowly to walk out of the office.

You jumped up out of your seat.

"Fine." You snapped. "I'll go first."

He stopped in his tracks, his back still facing you.

"What the hell is going on, Master." You hissed the last word sarcastically. "Do you want to explain to me why the Supreme fucking Leader knows I exist?"

"Watch your mouth." He spoke through gritted teeth. "I have it under control."

"What does that mean?" your frustration grew. "Just tell me what's going on! I know you know."

His back was still turned. "Pet." He snapped. "You are my responsibility now. The Supreme Leader is not your concern..." He paused. "...If you do what I say, everything will be fine."

"The Supreme Leader is not my concern?" You were fuming. "You still haven't answered me. How does he know anything about me?"

You were unintentionally raising your voice, the fear that gripped your heart pushed you further.

"Did you tell him about me?" You hesitated. "About our...arrangement?" your face flushed. Did the Supreme Leader of the First Order know you planned on trading yourself for flight lessons?

He remained silent. Still refusing to face you.

"Commander, please." Your anger threatened to exceed your control. "Answer me."

Nothing.

He began to walk away, striding again to the door.

You played your last card.

"Did you also tell your boss all the dirty, dirty things you want to do to me, Kylo?" You spat his first name.

The next few things happened simultaneously.

The office door slammed shut and the Commander spun around on his heels. You were knocked off your feet and pushed back into the General's stone desk. Your wrists were pulled behind your back, pinned to the cold surface. Within a second he had crossed the large room and positioned himself in front of you.

"You fucking brat." He breathed as he placed his hands on either side of the desk, surrounding you with his massive arms.

You gulped. It had worked. You'd gotten a reaction.

Now it was time to calm him down...

"I'm sorry I called you that, Commander." You softened your face. "I just wanted you to answer me and I-"

Your words were cut off by his black leather glove as he slapped you sharply across the face.

Tears immediately sprung to your eyes as your cheek stung violently from the harsh contact.

"Don't open your fucking mouth again until I tell you to." The Commander's voice was dark and heavy. "I've heard enough from you today, Little Girl."

He grabbed you aggressively by the jaw. "You need a lesson on what happens when you disrespect me." He quickly picked you up, sitting you on the black desk and pushing his body between your legs. "And you're going to get one..." he growled through his teeth "...NOW."

He took the bottom of your skirt in his fist.

"Hm..."

In one quick motion he ripped the bottom seam, stripping off a long piece of fabric and shortening your hemline significantly.

"I told you never to wear this again." He looked down at the fabric in his hands. "...and now you can't."

He ran the shredded band of wool though his fingertips as he stared at the top of your bare thighs. "I like it better this way..." He hummed. "Perhaps I'll have you keep it for me after all."

You trembled, but kept your mouth shut, suddenly afraid of what he would do if you didn't. He looked down at you and tilted his head.

"Hold still, little one." He took the band of fabric and wrapped it around your eyes, tying it in a tight knot behind your head.

Your pulse quickened as darkness fell over your vision.

A blindfold.

"No peeking, pet." His voice warned. "If you disobey this will be much worse for you."

You couldn't see anything even if you wanted to. You began to shake, anticipation spreading through your body like wildfire.

You felt his hands run up the sides of your legs, pushing your skirt up and exposing your underwear. He ran his fingers lightly over the mound between your legs, pushing them further apart. His hands left you briefly as you heard a hissing sound followed by a series of clicks.

He had pulled his helmet off.

Your chest tightened instantly.

You wanted to see him.

He leaned over you, pressing his body into yours and running his hands up both your thighs. His deep, unmodulated voice spoke directly in your ear, sending cold chills down your spine.

"But bad girls don't get what they want, do they?"

The sound of his real voice sent you into a frenzy.

He was so close that you could feel the heat of his breath on your ear. You could feel his heartbeat. You inhaled; you could smell him. He smelt like leather and amber. His scent was stronger now as he leaned against you.

He took his hands off your thighs and moved them to your asymmetrical blazer. Unclipping your belt and tugging on the long zipper, he opened up the layers to expose your bra.

Despite your still stinging face, you felt yourself respond to him, your body screaming to be touched. Suddenly, you remembered where you were.

General Hux's office...on his desk.

"Wait..." You whispered. "Not here."

With the blindfold on you didn't even see the second hit coming.

He slapped you again, harder this time. You would have fallen off the desk had he not been there to steady you.

Your face was on fire now as tears began to spill, the blindfold absorbing most of them before they could fall down your cheeks.

A metallic taste filled your mouth and you quickly registered what it was.

Blood.

You could feel it in your mouth and on your lips, but with your hands still pinned behind your back, you couldn't wipe it away.

"I told you not to open your mouth again." His tone was aggressive, but somehow still humane. He grabbed your chin. "I didn't want to do that, pet..." He swiped the gloved thumb across your lips, smearing blood over them. "But you need to learn how to listen."

He paused as he rubbed the blood into your bottom lip, eventually hooking it with his thumb. "...you look so fucking hot like this." He yanked his hand from your face.

You winced at the pain but remained silent.

He snagged your panties and pulled them roughly to your knees while simultaneously pushing your skirt further up your hips.

You were now completely naked from the waist down, your bare ass sitting on the cold desk.

You heard him adjust. You couldn't gage his position yet, but you felt his hands push your knees together and slowly roll the underwear down to your high heels. Stopping only for a moment before peeling them off.

He spread your thighs again but brought your leg up to rest on his shoulder.

...shoulder? You inhaled loudly as you finally understood his position.

He was kneeling in front of you.

He brought his lips to the inside of your knee, kissing lightly up your leg

You gasped again at the softness of his lips and the surprise of the contact. It was the first time you'd felt anyreal part of him. He continued his pursuit as the wetness between your legs increased. You began to shake as you realized his intentions.

Without warning, he bit the soft skin.

Hard.

You inhaled sharply, resisting the urge to cry out.

"I said hold still, Little Girl." He grabbed you by the hips and slid you to the edge of the desk, releasing the force that pinned your wrists.

"Lie back." He demanded.

You obeyed, lying flat against the cool surface. The invisible force now gradually moved your hands to the sides of the desk.

"You'll want to hold on, pet."

You trembled as you grabbed the black stone edge.

"That's my good girl..." He spoke between your legs, as he continued to bite up your thigh.

Still resting them on his shoulders, he spread your legs further apart. You heard him exhale deeply as he took you in.

"Ever since I first saw you in this fucking skirt, I've imaged you spread out for me like this." He breathed.

Ah...

...so that's why he didn't want you wearing it...

He moved a finger to your slit, slowly parting the folds and easily finding your clit. He circled it lightly as you stiffened under his touch.

"Relax." He insisted.

You breathed deeply, trying to calm your nerves. It had been years since a man had been that close to you down there.

He circled your clit with one hand, while you felt his other hand move on you. He brought a finger to your opening and slipped it inside, slowly moving it in and out.

You gasped loudly, the pleasure rising rapidly with each push of his hand. Your heart pounded violently in your chest as you rocked your hips to meet his pace.

"Always so ready for me, pet..." his deep, silky voice teased you.

He pulled his fingers out and you felt him lean in closer.

His mouth was so near your sex now you could feel his breath as he lightly rolled your clit between two fingers.

You heard him suck the inside of his cheeks...

And then he spit.

On you.

Between your legs, directly on your clit.

Son of a— Your thoughts trailed away as if they never existed as the lubrication from his spit lit a fire deep within you. Your nerves responded almost immediately. You tossed your head back and sighed as he worked you with his wet fingers. You felt yourself begin the familiar climb.

"Close already?" he 'tisk tisked' at you. "That won't do..."

You heard him fumble with his own trousers. "You have me so fucking hard." He mumbled under his breath. The sound of a zipper rolling down caught your attention.

Your heart skipped as you imagined him pulling himself out. You grew wetter almost instantly.

You wanted it.

He scoffed darkly. "You do?" You felt him search your thoughts. "Ah...you do."

His voice drove you crazy. You wanted to see him so badly. You wanted to to feel him so badly.

He reached out and swiped down your sex, pulling your wetness off on his hand. His actual hand. He had taken his gloves off. You listened as he brought your wetness onto his length, rubbing it up and down. You gasped as you realized he was touching himself.

To you. Sprawled out on Hux's desk...

Why would he do that? You wiggled your body impatiently on the desk, but you didn't dare speak again.

Just fuck me, already!

You barked at him in your mind.

"I don't think you deserve my cock, Little Girl." You heard the evenness of his voice began to dissolve as his own pleasure grew. "You're learning a lesson right now, remember?"

Still on his knees touching himself, you felt him lean into you again, his lips only centimeters away from you. He parted your lips and brought his mouth to hover over the sensitive spot.

"But this isn't for you..." He blew on you lightly. "This is for me..."

You were panting now, the anticipation of his lips on you was nearly too much to bear.

Finally, he brought his mouth to you and moved his tongue over your clit. Slowly adding and taking away pressure, alternating the direction of the wet circles.

You nearly passed the fuck out.

As his tongue worked over you, the moments traveled by agonizingly slow. You bit your bloody lip to keep yourself from crying out.

Thanks to the highly erotic practice and your already stimulated clit, the climb to your climax would not be gradual. If he kept this up, you were going to cum within seconds.

You tried to focus on other things, attempting to distract yourself from the intense pleasure. You listened closely to the sounds in the office. You could hear his hand still rubbing himself.

Suddenly overcome with the desire to touch him, you reached out with your mind.

Let me do that for you. You knew he could hear you.

He groaned slightly against you, not moving his mouth from your sex.

Let me. You pleaded with him in your thoughts.

He shook his head against you, dragging his mouth away momentarily.

"No, pet."

His free hand wandered up your stomach and to your bra. He tugged on the cup, pulling it down and freeing your breast. He took it in his hand and rolled his fingers over your nipple.

His tongue found your clit again.

You writhed on the desk; your nearing orgasm was building to be one of the most intense ones you'd ever had. Riding out the last of your climb was nearly painful as you craved the release.

You gripped the side of the desk so hard your knuckles turned white.

His mouth left you.

"Who am I?" He grunted as he neared his own cliff.

You were gasping. "Don't m-make me..."

"SPEAK." He ordered.

You squirmed. Tears began to form again.

Why did you always let this always happen?

"...M-Master...Ok?" You panted "My fucking MASTER."

"That's right..." He moaned deeply, as his head rested against your inner thigh. "...and you will respect me."

Grunting, he stood up and leaned over your body. Warm liquid hit the top of your stomach and breasts.

What in the hell...

He was coming on you.

You wanted to be furious but all you could think about was your own release. You teetered on the edge of the cliff as he brought himself back down between your legs.

"I told you..." He kissed you lightly on the inside of your thigh. "...that you'd be punished."

He stood up again, speaking directly. "Only good girls get to cum."

You heard brief rustling sounds as he zipped himself up.

You heard the helmet latch.

You were shaking, still skirting around the edge of what would have been the most intense orgasm you'd ever had.

"W-what...the fuck?" You breathed aggressively. "Where the fuck are you going?"

Your stimulated clit throbbed painfully.

He said nothing.

You felt him gently close your legs pull your skirt back down. He reached behind your back to push you into a sitting position. You felt him zip the blazer up over the sticky wetness on your chest.

He removed your blindfold.

You saw him bend down and grab your underwear off the floor. He put them in his pocket.

You began to cry. The waves of the ruined orgasm rocked you to your core as you felt his seed seep into your bra.

He looked down at you. "From now on, you will listen to me, pet." His modulated voice was dominant.

He folded the makeshift blindfold and gently wiped the tears that rolled down your cheeks. He used the damp fabric to clean the blood from your lips and chin before putting it in the same pocket that held your underwear.

"Don't clean yourself up any further until you reach your room." His tone darkened. "I want you to feel my cum run down you."

He inspected you, taking in the damage. Finally, he took his outer cloak and tossed it over the chair. "Wear this out."

He stalked out of the room, waving the door open with a flick of his wrist and slamming it firmly behind him.

You tried to move off the desk, shaking as you did your best to adjust your clothing. The tears continued to fall as you hugged yourself and slid down onto the marble floor.

You felt physically and emotionally degraded. In that moment, you wanted to die.

How could you have you gotten yourself into this? Why did you let him do that to you?

You fought down an anxiety attack as you remembered whose floor you were sitting on.

Fuck.

You didn't have time to process anything else. You had to get out of there.

Scrambling to your feet again, you grabbed his cloak off the chair and wrapped it around yourself tightly.

You looked around the room for any traces of what had just happened. Nothing appeared out of place. You inspected the desk. Surprisingly, it was clean.

You wobbled to the door, the massive cloak weighing you down significantly. To your surprise and immediate relief, the circular lobby was completely deserted. No receptionist, no stormtroopers, just you.

Did he have them leave so you could be alone?

You stopped your toxic train of thought before it could derail and hurt you further. He was a selfish, narcissistic, sadist. There was no way he gave a fuck who saw you. You reminded yourself.

In the elevator you closed your eyes and waited for the ding. You had to keep it together, just until you got home. You tried not to shudder as you felt the Commander's cum slide down your chest to your stomach and into the band of your skirt.

The main hallway outside Hanger 4 was bustling. You blended in fairly easily as you boarded the shuttle and headed toward the common room. It was relatively full as well, but no one paid attention to you as you moved quickly to the elevator that would take you to the corridor and your room.

So far so good.

You were nearly there when you heard a loud voice behind you.

"As I live and breathe. Y'all look who it is!"

Shit, shit, shit.

You turned around slowly.

Marco was sitting at one of the tables with his feet propped up on the side. Avery was on his left and Thomas to his right. They had a deck of cards out and seemed to be playing a casual game of poker.

Marco waved you over.

"Candidly..." He paused briefly "...I though you died." He smirked. "Tom you were right, she's alive. I owe you a beer."

Thomas balled his fist up and shook it in the air. "Yes! I knew it." He placed a card down on the table, already back in the game. "I love free beer." He was muttering to himself now as Marco's attention was back on you.

He waved you over again.

"Well, get your ass over here and tell us about it." He looked you up and down for the first time. "Wait...what's with the cloak?"

You stood frozen in place. The cum in your bra seemed to burn into your flesh, reminding you of its presence.

You made quick eye contact with your brother, shooting him a nonverbal SOS. He caught on immediately.

"Actually ..." Avery stood up. "I've been waiting to talk to Ky about something...personal. Miranda is wacked out and I need a woman's perspective..." He paused, looking at the guys as he moved towards you. "Unless you guys want in? I'll take all the advice I can get."

He was a genius.

Marco scrunched his brows together. "No fucking way, Ace. I'm not a damned marriage counselor."

Thomas didn't even look up from his cards. "Nah, get out of here. Now with you gone I'm going to own Magnum's shit." He giggled ridiculously.

Avery raised his eyebrows. "Alright then, catch ya later."

You both walked to the elevator but before you could reach it, Marco called out.

"You're not off the hook, Kyber!" He flashed you a beautiful smile. "Let's all get a drink tonight and you can tell us about your assignment!"

Thomas spoke up. "Drinks, yes. I'm in."

You nodded and forced yourself to smile back. "Sounds good, guys."

In the elevator, Avery turned to you immediately. His eyes troubled.

"When did you get back?" he reached out to place his hand on your shoulder. You flinched at the sudden movement. The contact triggering you slightly.

He pulled back instantly. His eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

Tears sparked again. "Not here, A." You shook your head, looking around the empty elevator suspiciously. "Wait..."

Getting out of the lift you moved quickly to your door, waving your ID over it and jerking Avery inside with you.

Once in your studio you let your walls down. The tears fell as your body began to shake.

He stared at you dumbfounded, completely unaware of what he should do. "A-are you ok?" He whispered.

You shook your head no. Internally, you struggled with the truth.

Should you tell him? Should you lie? Should you tell him partially?

You didn't have the energy to debate with yourself. Instead, you moved into the refresher and dropped to the floor, letting the cloak fall off your shoulders and to the ground around you.

Avery loitered outside the door.

"What do you need?" His voice was calm. "Do you want me to stay or go?"

"S-stay" you muttered quickly. "I-I just don't know what's going on...or how to tell you...or what to say..."

He came in and kneeled beside you, picking up the cloak and laying it on the vanity.

"You don't have to tell me anything." He shook his head. "Let's just sit."

And you did.

You sat on the floor together in silence. You slowly started to feel a little bit better. It helped having him near, you had missed him.

You started to stand, and he moved with you, helping you up. Now that you were standing without the cloak, he was finally able to get a look at you. His jaw hit the floor as he spotted your torn skirt and the red smudge on your chin.

"Is that blood?"

You didn't even look in the mirror. You didn't want to see. You nodded. "...yeah, I think so."

You felt dirty and used. All you wanted to do was wash the Commander off.

Literally.

You started to unzip your blazer with shaking hands. Avery caught on and walked over to the shower to turn the water on. Grabbing you a towel along the way, he set it on the vanity and started out the door.

"I'll be outside if you need anythi—" He paused as he caught a glimpse of you.

You were down to your bra and your torn skirt. The edges where the skirt was torn had ridden up, exposing visible bite marks up your thigh.

"Wait a goddamned minute." He twisted around. "What is that?"

You instinctively crossed your arms over your body. He waved his hand through the air.

"No, not that..." He pointed to the bite marks. "that."

Your face flushed; you hadn't noticed them yet. You moved your hands and glanced down at your inner thigh.

Closer to you now he looked down at your bare midriff. What was left of the Commander had pooled in the top of your bra and waistband.

You went to cross your arms over yourself again but to your horror, the movement of your arms prompted a small amount of cum to leak out of the bottom of your bra and slide down your stomach.

His brow furrowed as he shook his head, slowly putting the pieces together.

"W-wait...WAIT." He stumbled backward. "Is that..."

Your lip quivered as your face reddened.

His eyes widened in horror as your body language answered his unspoken question. He covered his mouth and leaned over the sink.

He was trembling but his voice was eerily calm as he spoke your name.

"Did he do this to you?" He was shaking. "Commander Ren?"

He spun around; pure rage plastered on his face. "Did he do this?"

You shook your head violently. "No, No..." You hesitated. "Well I mean, yes but..." You grabbed the towel and wrapped it around you.

Before you could stop him, he snatched the black cloak and stormed out of the refresher. You chased after him, yelling.

"Hey, HEY." You grabbed his arm. "Where are you going? Put that down!" You tried to grab the cape from his hand.

He stopped walking but you could feel him still shaking with anger under your grasp. "We have to report this, Kyber." His voice breaking. "He will not get away with it, I promise."

He stomped towards the door again waving the black cape that was locked in his fist. "This..." he shook the fabric. "...is evidence." He glared at it. "It's his right?"

Your eyes stung as tears threatened to roll again. "Yes. Yes it's his but...this isn't what you think it is!"

He paused. Waiting for you to continue.

You took a deep breath. "He didn't...force me." You whispered the last part.

Avery's eyed narrowed as he motioned to your bloody chin and down to your ripped clothing, hidden under the towel.

"That's not what this tells me."

You shook your head. "Listen I-I can't tell you everything, because...well I honestly don't understand It myself..." You paused. "But I promise, he didn't force himself on me."

He threw the cloak on the ground, making you jump.

"Ky, fucking look at yourself!" he was fuming. "This doesn't look like consent to me!" he brought his hand to his face. "You were just crying on the floor for fucks sake." His voice wavered slightly. "I believe you...I do, but..." He rubbed his face. "It's obvious he hurt you."

You walked up to him and placed your hand lightly on his arm.

"He did." You nodded. "But I can handle this myself."

He scrunched his face together and shook your hand off. "Can I at least kick his ass?" His tone was playful, but he was completely serious. "As a brother that's my one job."

You shook your head. "No offense, but he would undoubtably kill you."

He glared. "Well I wouldn't be alone." He picked the cape up off the floor and draped it over your couch. "It wouldn't even take me five minutes to round up the whole squad." He gave you a soft look. "You're everyone'ssister here. We would all fucking kill for you."

You smiled. "I know." Patting his arm again. "But I'm asking you not to get involved...please. If I need you, I'll let you know. I promise."

He pursed his lips. "Fine." He moved to leave. "But I don't like this, Ky" He motioned to you. "Whatever the fuck this is..."

He opened the door, his voice softening. "Want me to tell Marco you're busy tonight? That way you don't have to come out and you can get some rest?"

You thought about it for a moment.

"Actually, I would really, really love a drink" you smirked slightly. "I'll meet you guys at Trooper's in an hour."

He shrugged. "Suit yourself." Pausing in the doorway one last time, he gave you a soft look. "You know I'm here for you if..." his voice trailed off.

You nodded. "I know."

"Ok, see you later then..."

"Bye, A."

You trudged back to the refresher. The water had been running the whole time, so your shower was cold. But you didn't care.

You scrubbed yourself raw as you tried to wash the Commander away from your body and your mind.

Exiting the wash, you kicked the soiled uniform into the corner.

Out of sight out of mind.

You suddenly wanted nothing more than to get totally, and completely wasted.

You hurried to the closet and picked out a tight, white tank top that you tucked into a pair of black, high waisted jeans. You swung your leather flight jacket on over the tank.

You put on way more makeup than usual and smoothed your hair with the blow dryer. Moving to grab your ankle boots, you stopped suddenly. You smirked to yourself and grabbed the pointed heels you'd worn that day instead.

Checking yourself out in the mirror, you smiled.

You looked hot.

Fuck you, Kylo Ren.

You left for the bar early because you wanted to be a couple shots in before the guys showed up.

Starkiller base didn't have a ton of options in terms of nightlife. A sector of shops and restaurants sat outside the main Stormtrooper residence blocks. Trooper's Pub was in the middle of this commercial district. It was one of the most popular bars on base.

For a weeknight, the large bar wasn't too crowded. Just a few dozen off duty troopers and officers cluttered the booths and pool tables.

You plopped yourself down at the large oval bar in the center of the room. The bartender made his way over to you.

You ordered two lemon drops. They were your favorite.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded, moving quickly behind the bar to make the drinks. After a few moments he slid them to you.

"Rough day?" He smiled.

"You could say that." You handed over your ID badge.

On base, all IDs not only worked for identification, but doubled as an electronic wallet. The ID could be charged with credits and linked directly to your account.

You smiled beautifully. "Just keep the tab open, please."

He grinned at you. "You got it, babe."

You downed the shots quickly, puckering your lips at the tartness of the citrus.

The alcohol hit your stomach directly and you quickly remembered you'd only had ice cream for dinner.

You laughed out loud.

Oh well.

The bartender was back. "That bad, huh?"

You shook your head. "No, I just realized I'm in danger." You giggled again, already feeling the effects of the vodka. "Can I get another?

"Coming right up"

He passed you another shot and leaned over the bar.

"This one is on me." He winked

You fluttered your eyelashes, enjoying the liquid courage. "Thanks, babe." You threw his own word back at him.

You tossed back the liquor and watched him walk to the other end of the bar.

He was kind of cute...and you were super horny because of...reasons.

You signed. If only you weren't owned by a sadistic manic...

Members of your squad began filtering into the bar. Thanks to the alcohol you'd already consumed, you were comfortable talking about your mission when they asked. You couldn't give them any specifics, but you couldtalk about the general experience. Even when drunk, you knew better than to break mission confidentiality.

Marco stood next to your seat at the bar as you told your story, leaning in uncomfortably close. You broke down the days of nearly pointless patrols, glazing over any details regarding the Commander.

"Well that sounds boring as fuck." Marco laughed. "I guess that's why they call it punishment."

You spoke without thinking.

"I've heard not all punishment is boring." Your tone suggestive, your face reddened immediately.

Fucking vodka...

You peeked at him nervously, trying to see if he had caught your slip.

He had.

"I suppose not..." his eyes suddenly seemed a darker shade of green. "You look hot as fuck by the way..." He was looking you up and down. "Whose heart are you trying to break?"

You giggled.

Drunk you loved compliments.

"Unfortunately, I don't think he has a heart—"

Thankfully, the bartender cut you off by checking in on you. Marco ordered you another round.

You cut him a squinty glare. "It doesn't matter how many shots I take; you're still never taking me home." You pushed his shoulder.

He smiled at you. "I know, I'm just being nice." He pushed your shoulder lightly in return. "...kind of."

As the night went on, you found that you had almost completely forgotten about Kylo Ren.

Almost.

You teamed up with Avery for a few rounds of pool. No one could beat the two of you and it pissed the entire bar off. Afterwards, you danced with Darian; who had his braids down for once. You even bought Thomas the beer you owned him.

Swaying lightly on the stool and watching your friends, you were suddenly filled with overwhelming emotion.

You seriously loved them.

Smiling, you turned around to see the bartender walking towards you with your ID in his hand.

"Hey..." He leaned over the edge. "I had to close your tab." He slid the card back to you. "Everything is fine, but I thought I would tell you that on the last transaction I noticed..." He lowered his voice. "That you're flagged."

You squinted your eyes.

"Huh?"

He cleared his throat. "Your ID is flagged, so technically I can't serve you anymore."

You picked up your card. "I've never heard of that before..." You flipped it over in your hand. It looked normal. "How does that happen?"

He shrugged. "Beats me, we don't see it often." He started to wipe down the counter. "It's probably a glitch or something. Just take it to the admin offices tomorrow and see if they can issue you a new one."

You raised your eyebrows but nodded in his direction. "I guess it's a sign..." You giggled. "The gods have cut me off." You looked up at him. "Well thank you anyway, I had a lot of fun tonight."

He laughed. "Well I didn't take you out or anything...I work here."

Right...

Damn, maybe you did need to be cut off...

You rubbed your temple. "Yes. I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"Drunk?" He finished your sentence.

You smiled. "That's it."

It was time to go. Sliding off the stool you turned to leave as he called your name.

"My name is Luke by the way." He hesitated. "Sorry...I got yours off your badge."

You waved to him sloppily. "It's nice to meet you, Luke."

You gradually made your way around the room to your friends, telling each of them goodbye.

Avery walked you to the door.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Yeah, this was fun, I'm glad I came." You swayed lightly.

"Are you sure you're ok to get yourself back?" he held his hands out to steady you.

"Oh, for sure." You waved your hand through the air. "Go have fun."

He tried to protest but you gave him a quick side hug and slipped out the door.

Slowly staggering your way back to the hangars, you eventually made it into the shuttle. Because of the lateness of the hour, the common room was deserted as you boarded the elevator to take you up to your room. In the corridor, you swiped your ID badge over your door.

Nothing.

You steadied yourself and tried again, your vision slightly blurred. Still nothing.

"What the fuckity, fuck?" You banged the card on the side of the wall and tried again. The door didn't budge. You blew on the card and went to try again, but before you could, the door opened.

From the inside.

You hesitated as you peeked in the doorway and peered into the darkness. No one was there.

Stupid fucking badge...

You stumbled in and shut the door behind you, throwing your ID on the countertop. Your head was spinning as you grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

Then you heard it.

Someone was moving.

Or was it just your head thumping? You couldn't tell.

You rubbed your eyes, trying to clear your vision, but before you had the chance to see the intruder, they spoke.

"You don't learn, do you?"

You gasped and dropped the sealed bottle of water. It rolled down the tile and came to a stop under a large black boot.

Your eyes traced up the figure and came to rest on the mask.

Commander Ren.

* I know this one was a lot to take in! Kylo is such an ass. But so hot right? Maybe it's just me...? I have issues I guess. LOLOL Ok anyway, Let me know what you think!

**Also we get to touch him soon ;) I promise.


	8. Punishment

**TW**: NSFW!! extremely dubious consent, drunken consent, Dom/sub energy, masturbation but someone watches, blood, orgasm denial, rough sex, rough oral sex, public humiliation, sexual harassment, emotional distress, Force use, men are assholes, men with bad tempers, slightly more than problematic, kylo is mean to us, kylo punches stuff, kylo literally bullies us when we are drunk, aftercare kind of but not really, guys kylo is not nice in this one either, he hurts us again, we are degraded, we kind of lick his blood, he may or may not push us out a window no spoilers idk I need professional help

Someone book me a therapy appointment ASAP.

**don't read this if you are in a tender mental state plz **

If you choose to read, thank you so much! Please comment and let me know what you think!

The comments and feedback give me LIFE! You guys don't even know! I thrive off of them. 

<3 Stay safe!

Fuck, fuck, fuck

Your heart dropped to your feet as you stared at the Commander.

He kicked the water bottle towards you.

"Pick it up." He barked.

Your head was spinning as you bent over to pick up the bottle. You leaned on the counter to stable yourself, shaking your head back and forth.

"W-what are you doing here?" you tried to keep from slurring your words.

He stared, unmoving.

"Come."

You squinted at him. "Dude, how did you get in here?"

"Pet." He snarled. "I said, come."

He seemed angry.

Good. Fuck him.

You staggered your way towards him, coming to a pause in front of his broad shoulders.

"You're drunk." He spat.

"Maybe." You giggled. "But you didn't answer my question, Grand Master."

Without thinking, you reached out to touch his torso. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" poking his chest between the words.

Within the blink of an eye he had grabbed your wrist and pushed you around against the wall.

"I knew you had a fucking death wish." He growled in your ear.

You felt the drunken anger rise rapidly as your wrist immediately stung from the force of his grip. "What is your problem, man?" You tried to wiggle out of his hold. "Haven't you abused me enough for one day?"

He held you firmly.

"Abused?" His voice suddenly low. "You feel I've been unfair, pet?"

"Unfair?" you giggled manically. "No, I don't think you're unfair." You scowled at him. "I think you're disgusting."

He pushed you harder into the wall.

"Little Girl..." he brought his hand up to rest on your throat. "Keep talking to me like that and you'll see just how disgusting I can be."

You tried to shake him off. "Get your massive-ass hands off me you psycho."

He griped your neck, threatening your airway. "You're lucky you're drunk, pet..."

"Or what?" you interrupted. "You'd edge me into fucking oblivion again?"

Thanks to the alcohol your emotions effortlessly flowed from anger to desperate frustration. You felt tears threaten your eyes as you allowed yourself to see through your buzz and remember the events on the General's desk. You knew he could see the memory too.

"You call that fair? " you whispered.

"Pet." His electronic voice was strict and monotone. "You needed to learn." He released his grip on your neck and trailed his fingers lightly down your throat. He leaned in to whisper in your ear. "I wanted you to cum..."

Predictably, your heart rate increased.

"You...wanted me to?" as you asked, your emotions shifted rapidly again, tapping into the primal need you tried to bury every time the Commander triggered it.

He nodded as he pressed his body against you on the wall. You could feel his erection pulsing against your thigh.

"When I saw you spread out on that desk..." he spoke in a low whisper, directly into your ear. "I wanted you to cum on my face and then again on my cock..." he let his voice trail slightly "...but you didn't deserve to."

Wetness immediately flooded between your thighs at his bluntness. The thought he provoked ran rampant through your mind. You knew he could see your imagination spinning through it, but you didn't care.

You were faced again with the familiar desire to touch him and thanks to the liquid courage still pulsing through your veins, you intended to. Slowly, you moved one hand to grab the top of his belt.

"How about now then, Master?" you gave him a seductive smile. "Do I deserve it now?"

The Commander tensed immediately at your touch. He grabbed your wrist again and yanked your hand away from him. You winced at his roughness.

"No, pet." His voice was strict again, the sensual tone gone. "You're drunk."

You poked your lip out into a pout.

Was he serious? You weren't even THAT drunk...and he had nearly drowned you a couple days ago, but this is where he drew the line? What a fucking bipolar hypocritical--

He growled, cutting off your train of thought. Quickly moving his hand back up to grab your neck, he pressed you into the wall again.

"No, Little Girl..." He snarled. "When you take this cock, I want you to be fully aware of every single, fucking second."

Your eyes widened as you felt his length push into you again. Your lip began to quiver as you felt the warmth between your legs spread further. Without thinking you bit on your lower lip to stop the quivering.

The Commander inhaled sharply and backed away from you. Within seconds he was standing on the other side of the room near the couch, his back facing you. You waited for him to speak but he didn't.

Your clit throbbed, making your existing need annoyingly obvious. You moved to sit on your bed, still pouting. On your way, you let your gaze fall on your bedside table and you quickly remembered what was inside...

You smirked.

You didn't need The Commander. You could make yourself cum. You just had to wait for him to leave so you could—

You heard him turn around.

"Don't wait on my account, pet." He was facing the bed now. "Do it."

Your face turned bright red. Had he heard you?

"I always hear you..." he looked out of your large window; his voice was suddenly distant as his thoughts pulled him elsewhere. "...always."

You shifted on the bed, slightly uncomfortable with his tone.

He was quickly back in the moment, walking towards you on the bed. "I said, do it." His voice was back to the normal, dominant register.

You began to tremble, the throbbing wetness between your legs increased with each step he took.

"D-do what, Commander?" Your confidence dropped slightly as adrenaline worked to push down the lingering effects of the alcohol.

"Make yourself cum." His tone was sensual again.

You blinked rapidly. "I uh...wasn't really going to..."

"Pet" he murmured. "You either cum in front of me or not at all." He stopped moving a few feet away from the bed.

You felt heat rush through your entire body. The thought of touching yourself in front of him again sent you into a familiar spiral.

You wanted the release. You needed it. But was it worth having him watch?

It was nothing he hadn't already seen. You reminded yourself. Plus, you were still enjoying the benefits of the vodka. Your confidence quickly returned. Maybe it was your turn to tease him for once. If he wouldn't touch you because of his weird rules, then you'd make him wish he could.

You stood up slowly as your heart beat rapidly in your chest. You gave him a sensual stare as you gradually slipped your jacket off your shoulders.

You heard him inhale.

"I thought you didn't like me..." you paused "...let's see, how did you put it exactly?"

You were referring back to his comments when he'd caught you in the tub.

"Ah, that's right..." you tossed the jacket on the floor "...writhing around like a little slut?"

He stared at you. "I'll allow it."

You could feel his eyes burning into you below the mask. Unexpectedly, you found yourself wanting to see his eyes on you.

"May I see you, Commander?" you kept your tone low. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

He tilted his head. "You're going to show me yours anyway, pet."

Fucking cocky bastard. How did he do that?

The worst of it was, you knew he was right. You were so turned on and your body still ached from the intense edging he'd given you earlier that day. You suddenly couldn't wait to get your hands on yourself.

"Will you show me soon?" You lowered your voice even more, exaggerating your words as you slowly started to unbutton your jeans.

His gaze fell down to your hands as they worked on your zipper. He nodded.

"Promise?" you pouted.

He nodded again.

You flashed him a suggestive smile and you saw him shift slightly in place. Maybe your seduction attempts weren't as pathetic as he let on.

You sat on the bed and kicked off your heels, gradually rolling the jeans down your legs. Now just in your white tank and black underwear, you pushed yourself up to the top of the bed, laying back against the pillows.

The Commander shifted again, taking a slight step forward.

"Show me." He whispered.

You stared directly at him, trying to calm your nerves as your heart continued its rapid fluttering. You slowly moved your hand down between your legs, sliding your panties to the side and finding your wet slit. As your middle finger connected with your sensitive clit, your body responded immediately. You gasped at the sensation as your pleasure began growing straightaway.

How were you so fucking turned on?

Slow moments passed as you continued to roll your wet fingers over yourself. You couldn't help but sigh aloud. The pleasure built quickly, sending goosebumps down your bare legs. You spread them further apart, giving your hands more access.

"That's a good girl." You heard his sensual voice guide you. "Show Daddy what you like."

Daddy.

Fuck, that again? You didn't like what it did to you.

Your heart skipped a beat and even more goosebumps floated over your body, sending you into a cold sweat. He was closer now, only a few inches from the bed, his hands clasped behind his back as he watched you from above.

"Ah..." He paused, realizing. "You like it when I talk to you, pet?" his voice was saturated with his own desire.

Your lip quivered.

"Answer me, little one."

"Y-yes..." you admitted, as your body began the hike.

He knelt down beside the bed, his helmet now parallel with your face.

"You only cum for me." He growled. "Do you understand?"

"Y-yes"

"Yes, what?"

"Y-yes, Master." Your voice broke slightly as you stifled a moan.

"No, pet. Let me hear you" His voice was low. "Let me hear how it feels."

You panted as you gave yourself in to the rising release, letting yourself sigh loudly. You continued your journey, your nerves tingling with desire. You used your free hand to tug on the strap of your bra, quickly pulling it down and exposing your breast. You found your nipple and rolled it between your fingertips.

You gasped loudly as it nearly sent you over the ledge.

The Commander inhaled.

"That's my good girl." You could hear the restraint in his voice. "That's my good fucking girl."

His dominating voice pushed you closer to your climax. It drove you insane.

And he knew it.

You sighed again and closed your eyes as you felt the orgasm approach.

"No." He snarled quickly. "Look at me."

Your eyes shot open and found his mask, gazing at you intently from the side of the bed.

"Let me see how pretty you are when you cum." He whispered deeply.

You bit your lip as you struggled not to break eye contact with the metal mask. You saw the heavens as your climax hit you hard. Cold chills ran down your spine as you ascended to a place you'd never been to before. Despite his wishes, you closed your eyes and tossed your head back, unable to keep them open another second. You cried out loudly as your body shook from the waves of pleasure.

As you descended back down to reality, your heart still beat violently in your chest. Small tremors shook through your legs as the shock of the climax worked through you.

He brought his gloved hand down to your cheek and rubbed it with his thumb. After a few seconds he brought the hand down to brush through your hair, soothing you through the aftermath of the orgasm.

"Good job, pet." He stood up, pulling his hand away.

Still trembling, you pulled your tank back up over your chest and sat up on the bed, watching as he walked to the door. The intensity of the climax had diluted the remaining effects of the liquor significantly. You felt your mind flood with clarity.

"Wait..." you called after him. Suddenly reminded of your initial question. "Why did you come here. Commander?"

He turned around and pulled a small rectangular card out of his pocket.

"To give you this." He tossed the card on the bed. "It's yours."

You reached out and grabbed the card. It looked similar to your existing ID but was much nicer. This card was a matt black with engraved lettering and was heavier than normal.

You shook your head. "I don't understand..."

He sighed. "This is your new ID. Your old one has been deactivated."

So that was why it didn't work...

"Why do I need a new one?" you probed.

He was growing frustrated. "This badge will give you access to..." he paused "...other areas." You could tell he didn't care to explain.

You scrunched your eyebrows together.

"What areas?"

He started towards the door again.

"You'll see."

He opened the door with a wave of his hand.

"Tomorrow, Hangar 4, 0800." He barked. His voice already distant.

He was out the door before you could inquire further, slamming it shut behind him.

You shimmied out of bed and walked into the refresher. You picked up the soiled uniform from earlier and tossed it in the hamper.

Pausing in front of the mirror you looked at yourself, shaking as you let yourself register what you'd just done.

Your mind was clearing now as you contemplated the interaction. Guilt filtered into your thoughts as you relived your actions and desires from the past hour.

You needed to get your shit together.

Why did you let this man control you like he did? How did he have the ability to drain you of every single ounce of self-respect you had?

Had he not stopped it; you would've fucked him. You would have given yourself over to man you'd never even seen.

Would you have regretted it?

Your mind was reeling as you got ready for bed. Climbing under the covers, you couldn't think of anything but the conflict brewing inside. For the first time, you felt a force inside you compelling you to run. Run as far as you could, as fast as you could.

It pleaded with you to leave the First Order while you still could; leave Kylo Ren while you still could.

But somewhere deeper within, a darker force crept into your subconscious. It felt old and somehow ancient. It didn't speak, or make itself known, but you could feel it. Something about the Commander had triggered it. For some reason, it compelled you to stay.

What did it want from you?

You couldn't wait to give into sleep. You wanted to silence the unfamiliar conflict stirring within your soul. As you drifted off, you tried to manifest your familiar dream of home.

But that night, for the first time in years, you didn't dream at all.

_____________________________________________________________________________

The next morning you waited impatiently in the hangar.

Slightly hungover from the night before, the bright white room caused your head to split open. You squinted as you walked around the outskirts of hangar, looking for the Commander. It was well past your meeting time, but he was nowhere to be seen.

You lumbered over to a group of engineers as they drank coffee behind their workstations. You recognized a few of them from the Command Shuttle's departure a few days ago.

"Good morning." You smiled. "Has anyone seen Commander Ren today?"

They exchanged nervous glances.

One of the guys who had spoken to you before, found the courage to speak again.

"No, ma'am." He shook his head. "We haven't seen him since he dropped off your order yesterday."

You squinted.

Your order?

He registered the look of surprise on your face and misread it as frustration.

"Please ensure him will have the ships ready as soon as the dealer on Canto Bight delivers them." He nodded briskly. "It shouldn't be more than a week, ma'am."

"What are you talking about?" Now you were frustrated.

His eyes widened as one of his buddies slapped him on the shoulder. "Uh...N-Nothing. My apologies" He stuttered. "I must have misunderstood..."

You stared at him in confusion. "It's fine..." you paused. "So you haven't seen him then?"

He shook his head.

"Alrighty..." you rolled your eyes as you started to walk away "...catch you later."

Fucking weirdos. You reminded yourself not to ask them anything again.

You paced around the crowded hangar, scanning for the Commander. After walking around for an hour, you decided to go back to your room. Just as you started shifting toward the door, you turned around to see The Silencer whizz into the hangar and land in the center of the room.

Stormtroopers flocked to the ship as the Commander made his exit. He waved them away with his hand as he marched directly towards you. It only took him a few seconds to scale the entire hangar and end up directly in front of you.

"Going somewhere, Officer?" He snapped.

"No, Sir."

"You are now." He turned around to walk back to The Silencer. "Follow me." He barked.

You shuffled to keep up with his long strides as he paced quickly to the ship. Your heart fluttered as you approached the custom TIE.

Were you going inside? Would he be training you in his own ship?

He was annoyed. "Obviously." He sighed.

You looked up at him as he motioned you into the cockpit.

You smiled widely as you climbed inside. The flight deck was much more spacious than your TIE and the rearward gunman's seat had been turned around to create a makeshift jumpseat. You went to sit in the pilot's seat.

He sighed again. "No."

You turned to face him, not understanding.

He pointed to the jumpseat. "That one is yours." He paused. "For now."

You pouted slightly but nodded and moved to sit behind the pilot's chair, in the jumpseat. He climbed in behind you and settled into the pilot position. He started the aircraft.

"Seatbelt on, pet." He muttered.

You latched the harness quickly and peered over his shoulder at the controls. They were nearly identical to yours. You smiled; this wouldn't be so hard after all.

The Silencer zoomed out into open space and Starkiller quickly disappeared from your view. After a few moments of flying, you watched quietly as he effortlessly worked the controls, bringing the aircraft to a slow hover. He rotated in his seat to face you.

Your legs were nearly straddling his seat and only inches separated the two of you. Even though The Silencer was bigger than your ship, the space was still quite confined.

You stared at each other for a moment before he spoke.

"I will demonstrate the maneuvers and you will observe." His voice was quiet, but firm. "And then you will try them yourself."

Excitement filled you completely. You inhaled as you realized something.

"Commander, I don't have my helmet or my vest. They're back in my ship."

"You don't need them here." He was short with you.

You furrowed your brows, trying to understand. "What about the Heads Up Display? And the radar? How will I see th—"

He interrupted you.

"It's integrated."

You needed more information. "Ok, but what about comms? Without my helmet how will I—"

He slammed his fist on the panel. "I said, you don't need it. You won't wear the helmet in here." He growled.

You were just trying to understand. Why was he so infuriating?

You glared at him.

"Well you're wearing one, Commander." You snapped without thinking.

Your face flushed immediately as you heard the words leave your lips. You dropped your gaze instantly as you awaited his reaction.

He sat unnervingly still before moving his hands to the sides of the mask. Unclasping the front and triggering the latching mechanisms, he slowly pulled it away from his face and tossed it on the floor.

Your eyes widened. Holy-fucking-shit.

Sitting in front of you, was the most hauntingly gorgeous man you'd ever seen.

You gaped in amazement as you took him in. You weren't sure what you'd been expecting but it definitely wasn't this. He couldn't have been much older than you.

His dark brown eyes were centered around a long, symmetrical nose that hovered above his full lips. His black hair fell in soft waves around his sharp jawline. The dark eyebrows were pulled down to settle his expression into an intimately intense stare. You stared directly into his nearly black eyes.

And melted.

He was beautiful.

His expression immediately changed into a strikingly attractive frown.

You swallowed loudly.

"W-why do you wear that thing?" you whispered, unable to bring your voice to a normal volume. 

He didn't answer. Instead he swung back around in his chair and engaged his targeting systems.

"Pay attention." He spat.

Now that you saw the source of his deep voice your heart nearly dropped out of your chest. The heat on your face increased as you thought about the day before.

That was the face that had been in between your legs? Your heart pounded aggressively in your chest as you remembered.

He clenched his fists.

"Pet." He snapped. "Fucking pay attention."

You tried to push the thoughts out of your mind as you watched in him intently.

"I'm sorry..." your voice still a whisper.

His back stilling facing you, he shook his head. You watched the dark waves bounce over his broad shoulders.

Fucking hell...

"Let's get started." He muttered under his breath.

___________________________________________________________________________

Kylo Ren was an awful teacher. Either that or you were an awful student...

Maybe it was a combination of both.

You'd been flying for hours and you still couldn't do a single one of his offensive maneuvers. He had quickly grown frustrated with you and you were equally frustrated with him.

He wasn't patient with you at all. He expected you to be able to perform the tasks easily, but he didn't care to explain how. He just wanted to demonstrate and have you imitate his style, but you didn't fly like him, you flew like you. And he couldn't understand that.

You were in the pilot's seat now, attempting a diving spiral for what felt like the 100th time.

As you rolled out, you smiled briefly. That one hadn't been too bad. You were still dragging the rudder, but you felt much better about your progress.

You turned around to face him, raising your eyebrows hopefully. "Well?"

He glared at you. His gorgeous dark eyes cruel and unyielding.

"That was awful."

You dropped your eyebrows. "Thank you. That's really fucking helpful." You glared back. "Care to give me any real feedback?"

He shook his head. "Do it again."

You flared your nostrils swung back around to face the window.

"Teachers are supposed to give actual instruction you know..." You muttered.

"Fine." He spat behind you. "You're still dragging the rudder."

"I KNOW." You yelled.

You did the spiral again and again. Each time it got slightly better, but the Commander remained silent.

At his continued stubbornness, you turned around. "Really? You're still saying nothing?"

He pursed his lips. "Get up." He snapped.

You crossed your arms, staring defiantly into his eyes.

He sucked on his teeth. "I said, GET UP."

Anger bubbled up within you at his tone. "WHY?" You huffed. "I'm doing the best I can! I'm pretty much teaching myself here..." you looked down. "All I'm asking for is a little feedbac—"

Suddenly, you couldn't breathe. He hadn't moved a muscle, but he was squeezing your windpipe with his invisible grasp. His eyes darkened as he leaned forward, staring directly into your soul.

"Get. The. Fuck. Up." He was snarling. "Or I'll make you."

He released your throat from his hold, and you scurried out of the seat, quickly switching positions with him. As you passed each other in the tight space your bodies brushed together, sending unwelcome chills down your spine.

He settled into the seat and whipped the aircraft back in the direction of Starkiller.

You were fuming as you saw the base appear in the windscreen.

"I was perfectly capable of flying us back to base, Commander." You leaned back and crossed your arms.

He huffed in his seat. "I highly doubt it."

Anger rose as you felt his energy slap you in the face. You could feel his frustration and you knew he could feel yours. You both sat in silence as the tangible tension hung in the air.

As the aircraft approached the base, he bent down and picked up his helmet. He latched it securely in place, concealing his face from you again. He landed The Silencer in the center of Hangar 4 and jumped out of the cockpit quickly, not bothering to wait for you.

Nearly tripping on the way out, you hurried to keep up with him as he stormed off through the open space. A group of stormtroopers approached him and he waved his hand through the air, throwing them all back against the wall.

You stopped walking as you realized it was only matter of time until he threw you into another wall.

....or choked you to death.

You know what? Fuck this guy.

He wasn't even teaching you. Some deal you'd made. You suddenly doubted if he even had the ability to teach anyone anything. He was too fucking self-absorbed. You were done subjecting yourself to whatever the hell this was.

What an asshole...You shook your head.

You stopped following him. Instead you moved to cross the hangar diagonally, heading towards the other exit. Before you could reach the other side of the hangar you felt a tight force wrap itself around your entire body. It spun you around and lifted you slightly into the air.

The Commander had turned around and was bounding in your direction. Eyes all around the hangar turned to watch the show, noticing the conflict unfolding before them.

"What the fuck did you just call me, Officer?" He tightened his transparent hold.

You gasped as the weight around your body increased. The pressure began to turn into pain, but you remained silent. Your anger outweighed the pain and fear. You weren't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was hurting you.

He glared at you behind the mask. You imagined the look on this stupid, pretty face. You smirked at him and whispered through his grip. "You heard me."

He dropped you to the floor suddenly and bent over you, grabbing a fistful of your hair. He pulled up sharply, jerking you to your feet by the back of your head. You winced as the pain spread to your scalp.

"You're going to regret that." He growled in your ear. "Come with me." He towered over you, yanking your head up to look at him. He leaned closer to whisper. "Or I will fuck your filthy mouth right now in front of the whole goddamned base."

He paused. "Do you understand?"

Your eyes widened. His tone filled you with dread. You knew he was serious. You nodded.

"No." He yanked your hair harder, prompting tears to form your eyes. "Answer me."

"Y-yes, Commander" You whispered, all of your confidence gone in a single second. "I understand."

He ripped his hand out of your hair and stomped out of the hangar. You straightened your shoulders slowly, your legs shaking underneath you.

Your face burned a bright red as you felt hundreds of eyes on you. Anger ripped through you, surprising you by its intense presence. You made eye contact with a bystander.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" You glared at them violently as you stormed out of the hangar, following in the footsteps of Commander Ren.

You fumed as you followed his huge shape through the hallways and staircases. You were so preoccupied with your boiling anger that you didn't bother to keep up with the passing scenery. It took too long for you to realize that you didn't know where you were. You'd never been to this part of the base before. Looking around, you noticed the corridor you were passing through mirrored the bright, minimalistic style of the Command Shuttle.

He turned the corner into another long hallway. At the end, you noticed an enormous black door. Two men dressed in black guarded the door. They wore masks similar to the Commander's and held daunting metal weapons. They both straightened their posture immediately on sight of Commander Ren.

Your heart leapt in your chest.

Knights of Ren? You'd never actually seen them before, but you'd heard the stories.

One of the Knights pushed a button on the wall and the door slid open.

Commander Ren stomped through the opening without acknowledging them. You glanced at them nervously, pausing outside the door.

Upon noticing your absence, the Commander turned around vigorously. "Come." He demanded. 

You looked left and right at the huge guards staring down at you. Anxiety rose in your chest as your gaze fell on their sharp weapons.

He sighed. "They won't hurt you unless I tell them to." You felt his anger dissipate momentarily.

You shallowed loudly and lowered your head as you passed the unsettlingly large men.

Behind the black door was a much smaller hallway that was lined with windows on the right-hand side. The windows curved upward to partially cover the ceiling in glass. You nearly gasped as you watched the falling snow melt on glass above your head.

It was snowing?

You hadn't even noticed it on the flight in. Maybe it had just started...

Or maybe you'd just been distracted. You corrected yourself.

The abnormal mechanical makeup of Starkiller predetermined that the base would stay cold year-round. It frequently hosted snowstorms that could often be violent, sometimes destroying part of the base or downing entire power grids for days. Somehow, you still didn't mind. In fact, you loved the snow.

The climate on Naboo was always stuck in a perpetual Spring. You'd grown up in such a warm environment that you'd never actually seen snow until you joined the First Order.

You had decided quickly upon moving to base that you preferred the cold to the warm. The cold stimulated you. Heightened your senses. Reenforced your need to rely on yourself for support and comfort. The sun made you warm and lazy, complacent and boring.

You didn't miss it.

You walked over to the window and looked out at the snow-covered forest. You were at least three or four stories above the treetops. The view was absolutely beautiful.

As you watched the flakes fall over the dense forest you felt an icy sense of power creep into your soul. It was dark and unfamiliar as it tugged on the boundaries of your subconscious, calling out to you.

It fed off your lingering anger, pushing you to something more powerful, something more aggressive. You couldn't put your finger on it, but you sensed you had felt it before.

Or at least something similar.

You were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of someone clearing their throat. You blinked twice and turned your head in the direction of the sound. An unmasked Commander Ren was standing only a few feet away from you, staring at you intently, his helmet resting in his arms.

You hadn't even heard him take it off. Or walk towards you...

How long had you been standing there? It had only felt like a few seconds...had it been longer?

"It was long enough." He narrowed his dark eyes. "Come."

You sucked in a deep breath. Even though you were seeing his face for the second time that day, your body reacted like it was the first.

He didn't comment on your thoughts but led you to the slender door at end of the glass hallway. Waving it open with his hand, he motioned you inside.

Your jaw dropped at the room in front of you. The ceilings were at least two stories high and the glass wall from the hallway continued inside the large room. The glass wrapped around the entire right side of the room and even covered half of the back wall, rising up to meet the high ceiling. Through the wall of windows you could see nothing but snow-covered treetops and the outline of a large moon orbiting just beyond the horizon.

To the left of the room, the wall was covered with floor to ceiling bookshelves, split down the middle by a ridiculously tall, black slate fireplace. Black leather couches straddled the fireplace and a large desk sat in the back of the room. It reminded you of General Hux's desk.

You shivered, pushing down the thoughts.

You gawked even further as you noticed a small metal staircase to your far left that ascended to a built-in loft hovering in the left corner. The open-air loft looked over the entirety of the massive room. On the loft you observed a huge white bed and the same minimalistic bedroom furniture you'd seen on the Command Shuttle. Underneath the loft sat a sleek, industrial style kitchen with a long black island.

This is where he lived.

"These are your quarters?" you whispered, temporarily forgetting your resentment towards him. 

He silently moved in behind you and shut the door.

You watched as he walked further into the room and removed his outer cloak, throwing it on one of the black couches.

He sat down behind the large desk, his back facing the wall of glass. He placed his helmet gently on the surface of the desk and motioned for you to sit across from him.

"Come." His voice was calmer now. You could tell he was still angry, but he was in control.

You did as instructed, still taking in the room as you moved slowly. Being in his quarters made you nervous. Somehow, it was more intimacy than you were comfortable with. You didn't want to know where he slept or what he did with his time off from torturing people. It made you uncomfortable to catch a glimpse behind the curtain.

A chill ran through your body as you noticed the temperature in the room drop significantly. The closer you moved to the desk, the colder the air grew. As you approached him, you noticed the source of the draftiness. One of the large windows behind the desk was open, allowing icy cold air to filter into the room.

You shivered.

You slipped down into the seat in front of the desk and remained silent, waiting for him to speak. 

He sucked on his teeth lightly as he watched you sit down. His nostrils flaring as he mulled something over.

He finally spoke. "You didn't learn your lesson yesterday, little one." He paused. "Why is that?"

You gave him a blank stare. "I don't know what you're talking about, Commander."

He stared into you with his deep brown eyes. "You've found yourself in trouble again, pet."

"Yes, I'm sure I have." You rolled your eyes.

You saw his lip twitch slightly. You could feel him losing control again, but for some reason, you didn't care.

You shrugged and continued. "So teach me another lesson then. Do whatever you want. I don't care anymore." You moved your eyes from his and stared at the snow through the open window behind him, suddenly wishing you could fall away with it.

"Look at me." He insisted.

You met his gaze again. You could see the anger burning as a small fire behind his eyes. The intensity made your heart palpitate. You couldn't ignore the thoughts that his face triggered. It was obvious you were physically attracted to him. You'd already shown your hand in that arena so there was no point in trying to hide it. But it was easier to be angry with him than it was to acknowledge the way his gaze made you feel.

Your bit your lip was you worked through your thoughts. You decided to try one last time to remain professional.

"I'm angry with you for your lack of genuine instruction today, Commander." You stated calmly.

His brows furrowed. "Excuse me?"

You sighed. "You asked why I hadn't learned my lesson. I'm assuming you're referring to my thoughts in the hangar." You breathed deeply, trying to stay calm. "I was angry with you because you wouldn't give me any instruction today. I felt like you were unwilling to actually teach me."

You bit your lips into a thin line as you struggled to keep your tone neutral. "I don't think I'll continue to hold up my end of the agreement unless you decide to hold up yours." You spat the words at the end, unable to hold back your irritation.

You felt his control slip before he even acted.

He stood up from the desk and slammed his fists into the stone. You flinched as you heard his knuckles crack the hard surface. Even with the gloves on, the force of the impact should have shattered his hand. He didn't even react. His cold stare bore deep into you.

"You'll do whatever I tell you to do, pet..." a dark, half smile slipped over lips as his tone lowered "...and when I'm done, you'll say thank you."

His tone sent shivers down your spine. You looked over your shoulder. The door seemed so far away...

He shook his head. "You're not going anywhere until you take your punishment, Little Girl." He straightened up. "I told you in the hangar you'd regret those thoughts." Waving two fingers, he motioned you towards him.

"Come."

You stared into his eyes and shook your head. Your increasing heart rate betrayed you.

"Little one..." He warned. "I said, come."

You looked at the door one more time. Despair filled you as you remembered the Knights at the end of the hallway. You closed your eyes and sighed. He was right. You'd never make it past them. You were trapped.

Might as well get this over with...

Your legs shook as you slowly stood up and began to walk to the other side of his desk. He held his hand up, stopping you.

"No." His expression darkened. "Crawl."

Your eyes widened. "W-what?" you whispered.

"You heard me, pet." He growled. "I said fucking crawl."

He couldn't be serious...

You shivered again, but not from the cold air.

Your palms began to sweat as you tried to wrap your head around his request. "I-I don't understand, Comman—"

He interrupted. His voice strict and leading. "Little-fucking-Girl, if you aren't on all fours by the time I count to three, you're going to be very, very sorry." He paused for a moment, seeing the horror on your face as you finally understood.

"One..."

Your breathing slowed. Despite yourself, you couldn't help but feel your own arousal growing at the sound of his sensual command. His wickedly handsome face seemed to tease you, exposing your true desires so easily. You centered yourself.

You had to remember; you were mad him. You wouldn't let yourself forget.

You hated him.

"Two..."

You bit your lip as you gently dropped to your knees, your hands hitting the cold, concrete floor.

"Good" He had stopped counting. "Now crawl."

You slowly arched your back as you began your gradual crawl towards him. You stared up into his cold eyes as you brought one hand in front of the other, moving deliberately across the ground.

You tried to steady your pulse as you crept towards him. Involuntarily, you felt the heat pool between your legs.

As you looked into his eyes, you felt the bond between you grow more obvious. You could feel his desire. You could feel his intentions. You could feel his need.

And he could feel yours.

His dark smile returned.

"You like this. Don't you, pet?"

You let your eyes fall from his as your face flushed. You were only a few feet away from him now. He took a step towards you, closing the gap.

"Sit up." He barked.

You sat up on your legs, kneeing in front of him.

He slowly pulled his gloves off and threw them on the desk. You gasped at his hands. His knuckles were covered in blood. You remembered the cracking sound you'd heard when he punched the stone surface.

You winced at the realization.

He brought one hand up to you and swiped it across your face and over your lips. You felt his wet blood rub off partially on your skin.

He held the hand up to his face and flipped it over, examining the nearly clean surface.

"Hm.." He looked at it. "That's better."

He tilted his head as he looked down at you, prompting the dark waves to fall lightly around his shoulder. He held out his other hand.

"Clean it." He ordered.

You scrunched your face as you brought your sleeve up to wipe his hand.

Fucking power trip...

He jerked it back instantly. "Not like that, pet." He placed the hand in front of your lips. You gaped at him as you understood.

Ok, no fucking way in hell.

This is the line. No fucking way were you licking blood off this man's knuckles.

He would just have to kill you.

He chuckled darkly. "If you insist..." He grabbed your chin sharply, the humor leaving his voice as quickly as it had come. "Fucking DO IT." He growled.

Your lip quivered as you struggled to process your feelings. You couldn't deny your arousal, but you didn't think you had it in you to do what he was asking.

Get it over with. You urged yourself. You knew your chances of getting out of this arrangement alive depended on your willing participation.

Play his game. Get in, get out, go home. You're the one manipulating him. You reminded yourself.

"If you say so, Little Girl." He whispered.

You took a deep breath and took his hand lightly in yours. You inhaled softly at the surprising intimacy of the contact. You looked at his large hand intently, flipping it over gently in your own. The pale skin was smooth and rough at the same time. Even through the blood, you noticed small scars positioned in random places around his knuckles and palms.

He allowed you to inspect it. You felt his energy shift slightly as you ran your fingers along his palm and down through the gaps between his fingers. He responded for a moment by slowly intertwining his fingers with your own.

Surprised by his response, you looked up into his eyes. An unrecognizable emotion passed over his expression. It was different than before; softer, more thoughtful. You couldn't put a word to it but there was a new energy that you hadn't felt from him before.

The shift in his presence was fleeting. He pulled his fingers from yours quickly.

"I said, do it." His voice was colder than before.

You took a deep breath. Keeping your eyes locked on his, you slowly brought the back of his hand to your mouth. You lightly kissed his knuckles, the blood transferring to your lips.

He inhaled sharply. Wetness ran immediately to your thighs as you registered his reaction to your mouth on him. His response filled you with sensual sureness.

You gradually trailed your tongue around his knuckles, his blood mixing with your saliva brought a metallic taste to your mouth. It wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't as bad as you expected it to be.

As your tongue continued its journey around his hand, his intensity increased tangibly. You could feel his longing for you. It radiated from every corner of the room and fueled you further, quickly diminishing the impact of the degradation he was trying to put you through.

His eyes were black with desire. As you stared up into them, you stopped tasting the blood completely. You even stopped feeling the cold breeze from the open window.

For a moment, nothing else existed.

Only him.

You flipped his hand over, licking down his palm and curling his fingers slightly. You brought his middle finger to your mouth and slowly slipped it inside.

You felt him tense. He pulled his middle finger out of your mouth and shoved his thumb inside instead, using the other four fingers to grip your chin.

Your eyes still on his, you sucked his thumb gently, rolling your tongue around his fingertip. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He wanted you.

You moved your eyes from his face for the first time, letting them run down his torso. You let your gaze linger on his crotch. His massive erection was obvious even beneath the layers. Your heart beat loudly in your chest and nearly stopped as you made eye contact with him. He had caught you staring.

"Do you want to see it, princess?" his voice was low and smooth.

You stopped sucking on his thumb and nodded.

"No." He flashed you a quick frown. "When are you going to learn how to answer me when I ask you something?"

You pulled your mouth away from his finger. "I'm sorry, Commander."

He sucked the inside of his cheek. "I'll ask you one more time." He paused. "Do you want to see it, pet?"

You nodded again. "Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Master." You sighed.

He grabbed your hands and placed them on his belt.

"Go ahead." He coached you, but before you could move, he put his hand back over yours. "Only touch me there, pet."

He dropped his hands to his side, leaving you kneeing in front of him with your hands latched to his belt. Your hands shook as you unclipped it and unfastened the button on his leather pants. Trembling, you gently pushed his long tunic to the side and searched for his zipper. You found it and slowly pulled it down.

Your heart beat nervously in your chest. For a moment, you couldn't breathe. Your hands still quivered as you worked to tug his boxers down. Steadying yourself, you slipped your hand inside the opening. You inhaled sharply as you brushed over his rock-hard length, slowly wrapping your hand around it. He tensed immediately at your touch.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath as you gently released his member from his boxers, pulling it out through the opening you'd created.

You opened your eyes.

And gasped.

He was huge. Bigger than any man you'd seen before. Your mouth went completely dry.

You were way out of your element here. There was no fucking way you could handle this type of equipment.

He gave you another dark smile.

"Open up."

You shallowed loudly as you looked up at him.

"Commander I-"

"Open your fucking mouth."

You shook your head.

"One..."

Your lip quivered.

"Two..."

Fuck you. You growled in your head.

He stopped counting. "You will."

Grabbing you by the back of the head, he shoved your face into him. Gripping your hair tightly he brought your lips to his length.

Heat ripped into your lower body. You wanted it.

"Put it in your mouth, Little Girl." He snarled. "NOW."

Shaking, you wrapped your hand around it and guided the tip of him to your lips. You took a deep breath and parted your lips, slowly taking him inside your mouth.

He stifled a moan as he pushed deeper into you, stretching you with his width. Your initial hesitation melted away as you explored his length with your tongue. You rolled it around him as you simultaneously brought your hands up to hold him steady.

You took him deeper into your throat, giving him more access to your mouth. He gripped your hair harder and began rocking his hips to meet your head more aggressively.

"That's my fucking good girl." He groaned.

His voice set you off. You took one hand away from him and reached for the zipper on your flight suit.

"Did I say you could do that?" He snapped.

You quickly returned your hand and looked up at him.

His expression softened slightly.

"You look so fucking beautiful with my blood on your face..." He pulled your head harder. "...and my cock in your mouth." He jerked his hand out of your hair

You winced. Your spit mixed with his own blood from your lips, coated him as you momentarily pulled him from your mouth, gasping for air.

Your thighs clenched as your own need made itself known. Still on your knees, you looked up at him again.

"Are you going to fuck me or just talk some more?" you breathed.

He flashed you a suggestive smile.

"You want me to fuck you, Little Girl?"

You nodded without thinking, but quickly corrected yourself. "Yes, Commander."

"Ask me."

Your face turned red as you dropped your gaze to the floor.

"Look at me." He snapped. "And ask me to fuck you."

The warmth between your legs cried out for him. You swallowed your pride and looked him in the eyes again.

"Fuck me..." You hesitated. "...Master."

"Say, please." He raised his eyebrows.

"...please." You added.

He smirked and grabbed you by the hair again.

"I already am." He growled.

In one swift motion he turned you around into the wall of windows. Still on your knees he forced his cock back into your mouth. He leaned partially out the open window above you, giving himself leverage to tilt your head back and push deeper into your throat.

You gagged.

"I told you I liked that sound, pet." He thrust harder into you.

You couldn't breathe. With his hand pulling your hair back and your head titled against the cold windowpane, your throat was fully open to him. He pushed himself down into you further until his upper thigh brushed against your nose.

Enough. You reached out to him.

He only pressed into you harder, slamming you into the glass as he fucked your throat.

You tried to inhale against him, but you couldn't catch your breath. His thrusts were unyielding and unapologetic.

Kylo, please. You begged him with your thoughts. You didn't even register what you'd called him. You started to get lightheaded.

Saliva dripped down your chin and neck as he pulled out of you briefly, still holding your hair tightly. You inhaled violently, trying to take in as much air as possible. Your chest burned as you gulped in the oxygen.

Within seconds he was back inside your mouth, pushing further into your throat than before.

"That's it, baby." He moaned lowly. "Show me how you can take it."

You gagged underneath him as he plowed into your brain. His breathing became uneven. You knew he was close.

He pulled out of your throat and used your hair to yank you away from the window momentarily. He pushed his cock through your parted lips, just far enough so that when he came you could feel every single drop pass over your tongue. He groaned as he pressed his length directly into your mouth now, filling it completely with his cum.

You gagged as the warm liquid oozed out of the sides of your mouth and down your chin.

He pulled himself from your lips and pressed them shut with his hand.

"Swallow it, Little Girl." He demanded.

Your eyes watered as you swallowed the salty mouthful. As it ran down your throat, you gasped for air again, bringing your hand up to wipe the rest off your face.

"You aren't done." He stopped you.

He used his fingers to slide the leftover cum on your face and chin into your open mouth. "Next time I tell you I'm going to fill that filthy mouth of yours..." he continued to shovel the spilled cum. "You'll know I'm quite serious..." he wiped his wet fingers across your cheek and closed your lips again.

"Swallow." He insisted.

Your lips trembled as you swallowed for the second time. He zipped himself up as he watched you shake on the floor.

You glared up at him and rose to your feet. With the open window behind you, you felt the icy air float down your spine, sending goosebumps over your body as you shook from anger.

You gritted your teeth.

"W-what the fuck was THAT?" you were yelling.

He tilted his head and looked directly into your eyes.

"Punishment." His tone was neutral, unconcerned even.

Tears threatened to spill but you held them back. You closed your eyes and concentrated, channeling all your feelings into one single dominating emotion.

Pure fucking rage.

You wanted to hurt him, but you were no match for him physically. You had to work smarter and cut deeper. You would use your words to break him down.

You flashed him an evil smirk. "Have you ever fucked anyone before, Kylo?" You kept your voice calm. "...because that wasn't it."

His eye twitched slightly.

You continued, your anger pushing you into an unexpected place of confidence. "If your idea of punishment is giving me the worst sexual experience of my life..." you paused. "Then you nailed it."

He took a step closer to you, backing you up to the open window.

You looked deeper into his eyes, trying to latch onto his soul and pry it out. You wanted to make him feel small and insignificant. Somewhere deep within you, fueled by your hatred, a darkness pushed you to something more. You shook the feeling down as you continued your verbal assault.

"...but as far as punishment goes..." You stopped to take a deep breath. "I just have one question for you..."

You waited for him to respond. He didn't.

You asked anyway, narrowing your eyes.

"...Is that all you've fucking got?" you spat.

You saw anger flash across his face followed by something more you didn't recognize. He took another step towards you. His voice was eerily calm, like he was pulling from some unseen power of restraint.

"Not exactly." He hissed.

In one swift movement, he picked you up and pushed you out of the open window. 

*Sorry for the cliffhanger ending ;) I have to keep y'all coming back somehow! lol

**I have so many ideas for the direction of this Fic and I can't wait for their relationship to heat up even more! 

***Also there are some major hints to the plot progression in this chapter ;) I hope you picked up on them!


	9. Captain

Tie 9

Time slowed down around you. 

Your stomach sunk to your feet at the sensation of falling backwards. The freezing air picked at your skin like needles as your body fell towards the snow-covered trees.

You screamed. 

Plummeting to the earth you tried to quickly work through your chances of survival. It was only a three or four story fall. You had a chance of living depending on how you hit. With the precious seconds of free fall you attempted to relax your body and tilt yourself horizontally, protecting your head. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for the impact. 

It never came.

Timidly, you opened your eyes to see yourself suspended in mid-air, inches above the treetops. Non-existent ropes tightened around you and began to pull you vertically through the air. The invisible power brought your body up to hover outside of the open window. 

The Commander stared at you through the open glass. His expression was blank.

You put together what had just happened. 

“MOTHERFUCKER!” you screamed at him. The snow that was beginning to accumulate on your cheeks promptly melted and rolled down your face. “You sadistic, psychotic MOTHERFUCKER!”

The ropes tightened around you, pinning your arms to your sides.

“What was that, pet?” The Commander was calm. Although his eyes were on you, it felt as though he was staring straight through you. “I can’t really hear you from here.”

Your body still levitated three stories high. You shook from the cold. The below freezing temperature began to creep beneath your thin flight suit. The leather jacket you were wearing was no match for the subzero wind chill of Starkiller. 

He flexed his fingers and brought you closer to the opening of the window. He looked your shivering body up and down. 

“I think you need to learn some respect, Little One.”

“W-what the hell a-are you talking about?” Your teeth chattered. “B-bring me inside.”

His face remained blank as he leaned out the window. 

“No.” 

You glared. “Fuck you.”

As you spoke your body began to slowly float down towards the base of the building. 

“Commander, w-what the hell?” you wiggled, try to stop the motion of your body.

He stared down at you. “Meet me in the hangar, pet.” 

You shook your head. The hangar? How did he expect you to get to the hangar? Fucking walk there?

The realization hit you as you looked into his dark eyes. That is exactly what he expected. 

“D-dude, I will literally freeze to death before I get there!” You yelled up at him, your body continuing its gradual descent. 

“Maybe.” He shrugged. His voice was so low it was almost illegible from your position outside. 

As your boots lightly hit the snow, the force around you disappeared. You stared up at him, now a small dark figure in the window. 

Panic rose into your chest as you realized the seriousness of your situation. The chill of the surface was already sinking into your bones. There was no way you could walk to the hangars and survive. You had to fix this.

“M-master.” You tried to sweeten your tone even though you were yelling up at him. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things I….” Your voice trailed as you tried to keep your teeth from chattering. “I-I promise to be a…” You flinched. “…a g-good girl.”

He didn’t move. He didn’t speak. He just stared down at you calmly. 

Please bring me back up. You begged in your mind. I don’t even know where the hangar is…

You saw him bring his arm out and point his index finger to his right. Your left. 

And then he shut the window. 

Had it not been for the crippling cold drying the moisture from your body, you would have cried. 

You brought your arms up to hug yourself as you shivered in place. Standing at the base of the large metal building, you looked to your left. The dense forest spread out behind you and the massive building in front of you sprawled out in both directions. 

You looked up at the large glass wall hoping to catch a glimpse of the Commander, but you saw nothing. Breathing became increasingly difficult as you tried to choke down a panic attack. 

Get your shit together. Get your shit together. Get your shit together. You WILL NOT die out here.

You closed your eyes and rocked in place as you tried to stay focused. Searching deep within yourself, you found the validation.

You could do this. 

You turned and walked left, following the building for as long as you could until the trees grew tighter into the wall, forcing you behind the tree line. The shade from the trees darkened the already overcast skies and the snow continued to fall around you. You kept the top of the building in sight as you walked behind the trees, circling the perimeter of the building. 

With each step forward, your body shook violently. You shoved your bare hands into the pockets of the jacket, feeling the numbness starting to spread to your forearms. You had pulled the flight suit up to cover your mouth, in an attempt to keep breathing normally, but the cold had long since sunk into your lungs. 

As you walked you tried to distract yourself from the blistering cold and the pain beginning to expand from your chest. 

How did you end up here? 

Kylo Fucking Ren. You clenched your jaw underneath the flight suit. 

You could still taste his cum on the inside of your cheeks. 

You rubbed the flight suit violently across your frosty face, attempting to wipe away any lingering blood he’d left behind. 

Why did you let him do that?

You had crawled to him. You licked his bloody knuckles…willingly. You asked him to fuck you. 

You had wanted to. You must be bat-shit crazy…

How did he do this to you? 

You thought about every single interaction you’d had with him up to that point. Anger rose quickly inside you, it rose faster than it ever had before, nearly knocking you off your feet with its intense presence. 

Alongside the anger came your awareness of the dark force that had been festering in the back of your subconscious. It was more noticeable now. As you trudged through the snow and let your memory feed your malice, the energy grew. 

You didn’t push it down this time. You let it seep into the forefront of your mind. It felt like something familiar, or someone familiar. But even so, it was unique and different than any power you’d felt before. 

It called to you, trying to communicate. Trying to get you to let it in further.

“W-what a-a-re you?” You chattered out loud. 

Your anger grew in the silence that hung in the air. You didn’t know how, but this was somehow the Commander’s fault. You hadn’t felt any of this before meeting him. He had fucked up absolutely everything inside your mind and your body.

As you continued your torturous walk through the forest, you began to open yourself up to the growing force. You let your mind slip into the dark haze, following its call. The freezing air pounded at your skin, but your thoughts pulled you out of your body, allowing you to temporarily escape the physical pain. 

The darkness drew you out further. In your mind you saw it take shape, morphing into a black hole, summoning you forward. Inside the dark hole your anger burned as an orange light, a small fire propelling you down into the blackness. You hesitated. You didn’t want to continue down, but you felt the hole offer you something.

Power.

Fear clouded your senses at the comprehension and the orange light dimmed in intensity. You pulled yourself out of the haze. The cold air stung your skin once again.

What the fuck.

Your body shook from the cold and from the vision. 

What was that? Where had your mind gone? You looked around. And where had your body gone?

You frantically eyed your surroundings. You couldn’t see the building anymore. The trees surrounded you in a thick canopy. In your trance, you had walked further into the forest   
How long had you been walking? 

The panic came. You dropped to your knees. Your chest heaved as you drank in sub-zero oxygen, the gulps freezing down your throat. Your body began to feel numb as the ice-cold air overtook you. Your head lightened as your eyelids fluttered shut. 

As the icy ground rose to meet your head, you heard a dark voice. It was sinister and low. It hissed in your mind but addressed someone else. The message wasn’t for you but was meant for the one whose mind you shared. 

The voice crackled darkly. 

“She’s your responsibility. Bring her to me when the time is right.”

You blacked out in the snow before you had a chance to commit the words to memory.  
___________________________________________________________

You heard boots shuffling in the snow. Warm arms surrounded your body, pulling you close. You were being lifted up.

Blackness called to you again, you flinched at its summoning and pulled in closer to the body that carried you. You felt the chest below you tense. Your rescuer’s scent floated down over you. Leather and amber.

Unconsciousness enveloped you again.   
__________________________________________________________

When you awoke you were laying on a black sofa. You shivered as your cold, wet clothes clung to your body. Sitting up quickly, you turned to face the large fireplace. The warmth from the flames lapped over your face and arms. 

“Be careful, pet.” A deep voice to your left made you jump. “Move slowly.”

You swung your head sharply to the left, making you wince at the instant headache it triggered. 

The voice sighed. “I said, be careful.”

You looked around. 

Fucking perfect. 

You were back inside his quarters. The unmasked Commander sat on the couch across from you, his legs propped up on the coffee table, and his dark eyes bore into you. 

You glared at him. Still shivering. 

“Y-You motherfucking s-sadist-”

He held his hand up briefly before rubbing his temple.

“Let’s not do this right now, Little One.”

He stood up and walked towards you quickly, bending down to wrap his arms around you. His eyes were only inches from your own. In the light of the fire they looked a lighter brown. Nearly hazel.

“Hold on.” He whispered to you as he picked you up off the couch. 

You squirmed. “Put me down.”

He shook his head no as he carried you towards the steel staircase in the corner of the room. As he walked up the stairs you could see the room span out below you as you ascended into his loft bedroom. 

Once up the stairs, he turned into an adjacent doorway, leading into a large refresher. The fixtures were nearly identical to the ones on the Command shuttle. 

He sat you on the vanity and bent down beside the large bathtub to turn the water on. He walked back over to where you sat and moved his hand to the zipper of your flight jacket. You wiggled against him.

“D-Don’t touch me.”

He sighed. “Pet, you’re freezing.” He unzipped the jacket anyway. “We need to get your body temperature up.” 

You shivered aggressively on the sink. You were cold. Your limbs ached and the numbness still plagued your fingers and toes.

You stopped fighting him. Your lips quivered. It was pointless anyway.

He gave you a strange look but continued to undress you. He placed your jacket on the sink and unlaced your boots, pulling them off along with your wet socks. He unzipped your flight suit and gently rolled it down your frame. Lightly picking you up to slide it under your bottom and down to the floor. 

Sitting on the sink in only your black underwear and bra, you trembled again. But you weren’t sure from what this time. 

The Commander looked you over before walking to the tub and turning the water off. He rolled up his black sleeve and dipped his hand inside. 

Moving back in front you again he brought his damp hand up to your face. You flinched, it was warm and lightly stung your cold skin. It felt nice. 

You sighed. 

He tensed his body at the sound but lifted your chin gently to look into his hazel eyes. 

“Too hot?”

You shook your head no.

He squinted his eyes. “You should know by now to answer me.” His voice was still stern but softer than you’d heard it before.

“N-no, not too hot.” You whispered. 

He pulled his hand away from your face and trailed it down your back. He found your bra and unclasped it easily. He used both hands to slowly pull it down your arms, tossing it on the floor. 

He kept eye contact with you as he placed both of his hands on your upper waist, directly underneath your breasts. He let his hands slide down your sides, gradually resting on top of your hips. He latched your underwear with his fingertips. 

It was happening again. You felt your resolve melt away.

Your mouth went dry. His energy became suddenly overwhelming. Your body shivered as the cold air from the refresher brushed over your bare skin. 

He lifted you up again, as he lightly pulled your panties down your thighs, pausing briefly as they sat on the top of your knees. He looked down at your legs as he drug both of his hands over your bare thighs, his fingers leaving patterns in your skin. 

Your heart beat loudly. You realized you’d been holding your breath.

He caught the underwear in his thumbs and pushed them down to the floor. 

Your body shook from the cold and from the energy he was emitting. In that moment, you felt all of him. You felt your mind bridge into his, his lifeforce spilling into yours with every breath he took. 

You shook harder. Fear gripped your heart as you realized the connection was nearly tangible. Why was this happening? Why did he effect you so much? Why were you tied to him like this? 

Anxiety rolled through you, the fear growing inside with every second. You felt the urge to cry. 

He furrowed his dark brows as he ran his hands up your body. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts as he read yours. He looked down into your eyes. 

“Don’t be afraid…” his voice was soft again. “…I feel it too.”

The tears pooled in your eyes as you gazed into his. 

He felt it too.

You were suddenly filled with relief. You weren’t crazy. Something was happening within you. Within him. 

His hands continued their journey up your body and came to rest around your face just in time to wipe away one of the tears that rolled down your cheek. He moved his arms around you again and lifted you off of the vanity. He carried you to the bathtub and sat you on the edge. 

He cleared his throat. “Get in.”

You obeyed, carefully sliding down into the warm water. You gasped as the liquid heat slapped against your cold skin. Wincing slightly, you sunk down further. 

Commander Ren walked to the door.

The heat from the bath cleared your mind momentarily. You remembered what he had done. 

“Commander.” You called after him. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you…”

He turned to face you; his eyebrows raised.

You lowered your own. “I’m still angry with you.”

In his eyes you saw true conflict for the first time. You watched his expression transform in front of you. His hazel eyes darkened slightly, his features hardening instantly. 

“Good.” He snapped. “Meet me at the ship in half an hour.” He spat over his shoulder as he moved out the door. 

You heard him storm down the stairs and leave the room. 

Sinking down below the warm waves, you allowed the water to cover your head. The heat stung your face as you held your breath as long as you could. Coming up out of the water you gasped for air.

You needed to get it together. You couldn’t let him keep doing this to you.

He affected you differently than any man had before. The physical attraction was one thing, the strange spiritual connection was another. You didn’t know if you could handle much more of it. 

You spent the next few minutes washing yourself and trying to refocus your mind. You tried your best to remember the forest. You thought about what you had felt and what you had seen. What did it mean? You vaguely recalled hearing a voice, but you couldn’t bring yourself to remember what it had said. 

You sighed as you stood up from the tub and grabbed a dark towel from the rack. Wrapping yourself up, you walked out onto the loft. On the bed, there was a stack of folded clothes. A change of underwear, a clean flight suit and a jacket. They were yours.

You squinted your eyes and walked over to the railing. You looked around the large room and spotted MD-80 dusting the large bookshelves. The Commander must have sent him to pick up your clothes. 

You changed clothes and towel dried your hair, braiding it quickly. You grabbed your wet clothes off the floor and rolled them into a ball. As you walked down the steps, MD-80 wobbled towards you pulling a cleaning cart.

“Mistress, allow me to take those from you.” He gestured towards the dirty clothes and motioned towards the hamper under the cart. 

You tossed them into the bag. “Thanks, MD…and thanks for these.” You pinched your clean jacket and shook it lightly.

“My pleasure Madam.” He chirped as he pushed the cart towards the door. “I am happy to see you.” He looked around the room. “The Commander does not have company often.”

You smiled. “Yeah, I suppose he doesn’t.” 

He led you to the door. “I’m to escort you to the hangar.”

You nodded. That was probably a good idea. You remembered you had no clue how to get there from here.

As you walked down the glass hallway and approached the large black door, your heart sank to your feet. You’d forgotten what was on the other side.

The door slid open as MD-80 pushed his cleaning cart through. Sure enough, on either side of the door stood two massive men dressed in all black, their shiny blades draped over their shoulders. The one nearest to you looked down. 

He nodded at you. 

Whoa. 

You remembered the Commander’s words. 

“They won’t hurt you unless I tell them too.”

You hesitated slightly but nodded back as you passed timidly through the doorway. 

You followed MD-80 through the hallways and stairwells, you were sure to note your surroundings this time. After a few minutes you began to recognize the scenery, you were approaching the main hallway for the hangars. 

He led you to the entrance of Hangar 4. You waved to him as you walked through the entrance. 

“Good luck, Mistress…” He muttered as he hobbled away. 

You spotted The Silencer still parked where the Commander had left it earlier that day. As you walked towards it, you could feel the eyes of the hangar on you. You held your head high and glided to the black ship. 

The door slid open for you. The masked Commander was sitting in the jumpseat. He motioned for you to sit in the pilot’s chair. 

“Let’s go. We’ve got a lot to cover.” His modulated voice was short with you, his energy hostile.

You squinted your eyes. 

Here we go again. Was this the same man who had just put you in a bathtub? 

You settled into the seat and ran through the checklists. You had them memorized from your own ship and The Silencer’s cockpit was nearly identical. 

You wondered why he was letting you take off, but you didn’t feel like pushing him on it by asking. The aircraft was prepped for departure. You rotated around to face the Commander. 

“What are you waiting for?” He snapped.

You took a deep breath. His fucking mood swings…you wouldn’t let them get to you this time. You engaged the takeoff sequence. Within seconds, The Silencer was lurching into open space. After a few minutes of flying away from base, he spoke. 

“Get started.” You heard his voice behind you.   
_______________________________________________________________

You’d been doing the maneuvers for hours. They weren’t perfect, but you were happy with your progress.

The Commander had yet to give you any feedback. After the last barrel roll extension had turned out almost flawlessly, you rotated to face him.

“Anything?” 

You stared into his mask and found yourself wondering why he hadn’t taken it off. Deep within, you knew something had changed between you. 

He tilted his head, listening to your thoughts. You rolled your eyes and rotated back to the controls. 

“Tell me how you felt in the forest.”

His sudden directness sent chills down your arms. You turned back around.

“Excuse me?”

“Tell me how you felt in the forest.” He repeated. His voice was low and calm. 

You felt warmth flood your face as you tried to hide your obvious discomfort. 

“Uh…cold. Afraid maybe…” You muttered. 

He shook his head. “Don’t lie.”

You glared at him. “I was afraid! I nearly died out there. How dare you tell me how I felt…” you began to get frustrated. “In case you’ve forgotten…you’re the reason I almost froze to death in the first place!”

He sat still, ignoring your comment.

“How did you feel in the forest.” His voice began to increase in intensity. “I won’t ask again.”

You glared at him. 

“Angry.” You breathed. “I was angry at you.”

He nodded. 

“Did you see it?” He leaned forward in his seat. 

Your heart began to beat rapidly as your mind replayed the image you’d seen. You remembered the darkness that called you, the black hole that longed to pull you under. The offer of power…

You knew he was seeing it all in your thoughts. His energy shifted as he watched. 

“Close your eyes.” He demanded. 

You sighed but obeyed. 

“Visualize your anger in that moment, pet.” His tone dropped below the mask. “Tap into it”

You tried to remember the way you’d felt. The rage that had built so quickly began to slowly rise to the surface again.

“I’ll ask you again…” He paused. “Did you see it?”

You huffed. “Did I see what?”

“Your anger.”

What was he asking? You couldn’t see an emotion, could you?

And then you remembered the vision. In the black hole, your anger had been there. It had been tangible. You had seen it glowing inside, guiding you deeper. You inhaled sharply.

“…Yes. I saw it”

“What color was it?”

You remembered. You knew he could see what you had seen, but he made you say it.

“Orange.” You whispered. “It looked like a fire…”

You heard him shift in his seat.

“Remember the way I used you, pet?” His tone was dark. “and then I threw you away like nothing…” He hesitated slightly. “…because you are nothing.”

You clenched your jaw as you tried to fight down the erratic rage that threatened to pop up again.

“Don’t fight it.” He snapped. “Let it in.”

You shook your head as your eyes watered at his sharp words. 

“I hate you.” You whispered. 

“Good.” He spat. “Fucking use it.”

You felt the darkness pull at you again. The hatred and confusion you felt fueled its pursuit. The dark force offered you its power again. Imploring you to tap into it, use it, train it, explore it. 

“That’s it.” He spoke. “Find it.”

You took a deep breath and let it in. Your anger burned as an orange glow and you allowed yourself to descend lower into the darkness. The energy around you bent to your will. You felt the ominous force flow through you. You felt it flow through Kylo Ren. You felt it flow through the ship and out into the galaxy. 

It was familiar. 

Planesense? You finally recognized it. You had felt it before. It was like Plansense but darker, stronger…more direct. 

“Use it.” He spat again. “Your anger, your resentment, your hatred…” his voice trailed. “Let it flow through you. Let it guide you.”

You let the darkness take you in. The power pulled at your fingertips, making them twitch back into your palm. You smiled. You felt it. Pure, untapped power. 

It was yours. 

“Commander…” You breathed. “What is it?” 

Your eyes still closed, you felt him slide closer to you. His body pressed against yours as he leaned over your seat.

“The Dark Side.” He whispered in your ear.

You felt a cold chill slip down your spine. 

“The Dark Side of what?”

He sighed and backed away from you. 

“Return to base.” He spat.

You opened your eyes. “What? Why?”

“We are done for today.” 

You frowned at him. 

“The dark side of what?” you pushed him harder. “If you know you have to tell me!” You felt your anxiety build. “If you feel it too then-“

He cut you off. 

“I don’t feel anything.” You heard his voice sharpen. “Take us back to fucking base, Officer. That’s an order.”

You spun around in the chair and pointed the ship towards Starkiller. 

You fumed in the seat. You thought about the man that had carried you up the stairs only hours earlier. How was that the same man who sat behind you now? How was that the same man that had thrown you out of the window in the first place? 

Your irritation grew with every second. He’s insane.

“Pet.” He snapped. “If you don’t watch your thoughts…” 

That’s it. 

You lost it. Unexpected anger flashed through you like a bright light. Swinging around in your seat you shoved the thrusters to shutoff, bringing the ship to a hover. 

“I’m not your fucking pet.” You squinted at him. “The deal is off.”

“Hm…” He leaned back in his seat, seemingly unconcerned by your outburst. “I thought you wanted to learn.”

His calmness infuriated you even more. 

“I do! But you don’t teach me anything! All you do is sit there!” you motioned to his seat. “I’m not going to let you fuck with me anymore, Commander…” You raised your eyebrows. “…and I mean that in every way.” 

Smirking, you waved your hand down your body. “You’re never going to touch me again.” You spat the words as you turned around to face the window. “We’re done here.”

You were about to reengage the thrusters when you felt him shift rapidly. In one short moment the Commander had moved behind your chair. He slipped his arm over your shoulder as his massive hand wrapped around your throat. He squeezed your neck and pushed your head back into his shoulder.

“We aren’t done.” He snapped. “We haven’t even started yet, Little Girl.” 

He used his other hand to roughly tug on your braided hair, pulling your head further back into his chest, forcing you to look up into the mask. You could barely catch your breath.

“I decide when you’re touched.” He pulled your hair harder, making you wince. “I decide when you fucking breathe.” 

He gripped your throat tighter, bringing one finger up from his grip to brush over your upper neck. “I think I miss those bruises, pet…” he let his voice trail. 

You tried to fight him, but he gripped you harder, pushing you down into the seat with your own hair. His thumb pressed into your jugular, quickly cutting off the blood flow. You began to feel dizzy.

“Would you like to breathe, baby?” He hummed in your ear as you choked against him. 

Your eyes watered as you tried to wiggle under his grip. You tried to nod your head. 

“No?” he softened his voice. “Hm…have it your way then…”

His hand tensed, locking in his hold on your throat. 

ASSHOLE, yes, I want to breathe! Fucking let me go. You screamed at him in your thoughts. 

He tisked at you. “That’s not very nice, pet. Let me ask you one last time…” His voice hardened. “Do you want to fucking breathe?”

Your energy began to fade as you felt yourself slipping. You couldn’t take much more. You had to give in. 

Yes…please. I don’t want to die, please. You shallowed your pride as you pleaded with him. Master…

He released you violently, shoving your body into the control panel. Your cheek smacked into the thrust levels. The pain of the impact nearly knocked you out of the seat. 

The Commander was already sitting in the jumpseat by the time you got your bearings. You sat for a moment, swaying lightly as you waited for the blood to reenter your brain. The tears finally fell as you shakingly reengaged the approach to Starkiller. 

“Seatbelt, pet.” The Commander demanded behind you.

You didn’t turn around to face him. Your hands trembled as you reached for the harness. 

“I f-fucking h-hate you.” You tried to sound spiteful through the tears, but the effect was lost.

He didn’t speak. You couldn’t tell how he was feeling. You couldn’t feel anything from him anymore. Had he cut you off?

You hoped so.

You latched the belt and continued your approach to base. Your head pounded as you flew the ship into the middle of Hangar 4. You took a deep, painful breath as you landed. 

Stormtroopers marched up to the ship, but the Commander didn’t move. You hesitated, waiting for him to speak. 

“I’ll be off planet the rest of the week.” He cleared his throat. “You’re to train in this ship at least twice a day until I return.”

You nodded as the tears continued to roll silently down your stinging face. 

“Yes, Commander.” You whispered. 

“Your ID will give you access to this hangar and this ship at any time.” His voice was cold and unnerving. “When I get back, we will discuss your progress.”

He waved his hand, sliding the door open and jumping out of the cockpit. You saw him hesitate slightly in the doorway. You thought for a moment he was going to turn around and say something else. Instead, he stormed away from the ship, the troopers followed closely behind him as he left the hangar. 

He was trusting you with his ship? 

You didn’t understand. He had literally just come within seconds of killing you.

Your head was spinning from his physical assault as well as from the mental whiplash of his mood swings.

You stumbled out of The Silencer and lightly rubbed your stinging cheek. You looked up at the ship, suddenly exhausted as the events of the day rebounded inside your head.

At least one positive thing had come from it all…

Kylo Ren was leaving base. And that meant you finally had your mind to yourself.  
¬¬¬___________________________________________________________

You hadn’t seen him in four days. 

Four days of peace.

Four nights of dream-filled sleep. 

Four days free of the darkness that called you.

You hadn’t felt the darkness since he left. You wanted to be thankful, and you were. But a part of you missed it, a part of you that should have been small, but wasn’t. It ached for the pull of his energy, it missed the way the dark power felt.

You had to remind yourself of who he was and what he’d done to you. The power he knew could bring nothing but destruction and pain into your life. 

But you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting it. 

Once in a while, in his ship, you found yourself reaching out on your own, trying to make the connection to the dark energy. 

But you’d felt nothing. 

Over the past few days you’d reconnected with your squad and you’d even met them for drinks at the bar. They were all too interested to learn that you’d been flying The Silencer. They knew not to probe too far, but you could tell they were dying for information.

Within a couple of days, word had reached the whole base that Kylo Ren had a girl flying his ship. All of Starkiller was buzzing about you by the weekend. 

You didn’t mind the gossip, you knew it would die down once a juicer story came along, but you couldn’t quite get used to the stares. Everyone was either scared of you or jealous of you. Either way they looked at you differently. 

You tried not to let it get to you. 

Even through the speculations, your squad supported you. You could count on them to squash the more…suggestive rumors.

Like the one about Kylo Ren grabbing you by the hair and whispering in your ear in front of the entire hangar. 

Or the one about how you were seen being carried by the Commander up a flight of stairs, as he headed towards the leadership quarters. 

Or the one about how you’d been spotted the night the Commander left, with bruises on your throat and face, trying to scurry through the hallway before you were seen.

Even if those rumors were true…. you could count on your friends not to believe them. 

In fact, none of them questioned a thing. They knew you were a good pilot. They assumed you’d gotten the new assignment based off of your merit alone. No one suspected that you had agreed to be the Commander’s personal punching bag in exchange for access to his ship.

No one but Avery, that is. 

He had been on to you from the beginning. He had recognized your attempt at covering the fresh bruises. He demanded the truth and it took everything in you not to tell him. You settled on avoiding him instead. 

No one could know that you were the Commander’s pet. No one could know that the reason you could fly his ship was so that he could choke you with his dick and throw you out a window whenever he pleased. 

You had to remind yourself that if people knew, it would jeopardize your entire plan. You had to stay focused. You had to get to the point where you could teach others what you had learned. 

And you were almost there. Over the past week you had practiced in The Silencer for hours each day. Every time you flew the Commander’s profile you felt more comfortable, more capable. It wouldn’t be long until you could prove yourself proficient. You were ready to put your combat skills to the test and then teach the others. 

You were so close to saving them.

Against your better judgment, you were looking forward to showing the Commander what you’d been able to accomplish by yourself. Deep down, in some sick way, you wanted him to be proud of you. 

Truthfully, although you’d enjoyed the peace of mind in his absence, he had taken up a permanent residence in your thoughts. 

In fact, you thought about him constantly. 

You thought about his mood swings and his erratic rage; the way he made you cry, the way he made you feel alone. You thought about the way he left painful bruises on your throat. You thought about the relentless darkness that seemed to accompany him. You thought about the way he had nearly killed you half a dozen times…

But despite yourself, you also thought about his hands. 

The way they had felt when he’d wrapped his fingers in yours. The way he had run them down your waist and over your thighs. 

You thought about his eyes. The way their hazel glow had gazed into your soul. You thought about the way you’d looked into his eyes and felt him. 

You heard his voice.

“…I feel it too.”

It rang over and over in your head. Even with him gone, you couldn’t get him out of your mind.

You thought about him. All of him. 

And you hated it.  
__________________________________________________________

The fourth day without the Commander was coming to an end, and you went to get one last flight in before the weekend.

You were walking into Hangar 4 when you saw them. 

You gasped audibly. 

A group of brand new, custom TIEs sat in the middle of the hangar. You counted 10. 

Unlike the standard charcoal grey, these ships were painted a matt black. The First Order symbol wasn’t red but was a sleek, glossy black, standing out only slightly among the flat paint of the ship itself. 

A new squadron? Had they been transferred from another base? 

Your mind rolled through the possibilities as you nearly sprinted to the ships. You ran your hand over the brand new metal as you slowly zigzagged through the row of TIEs. The cold surfaces made you shiver. You inspected the new aircraft. 

Everything was black. The systems were black. The interior was black. The lettering was black. Every single detail was black, shiny and perfect. You’d never seen ships so…beautiful. 

“What do you think?”

You jumped slightly at the voice behind you. Turning around, you saw the Commander standing in the middle of the row of ships. 

“I-uh…” Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, betraying you instantly. “They’re amazing.” You breathed, dragging your hand again over the matt paint. “Why are they here?” you looked at him. 

He took a step towards you. 

“They’re yours.” 

Your heart skipped again. “W-what?” You stuttered. 

“I said, they’re yours.” His voice softened slightly. 

“Mine?” you felt your eyes widen. 

He nodded. 

You cleared your throat. “W-why? How?”

He began pacing slowly up and down the row. 

“Starting tomorrow, you’ll be responsible for the training and standardization of my new air support squadron.” He looked at you. “I have my Knights on the ground…” He paused. “…It’s time I have some in the air.”

You tried to wrap your mind around what he was saying. 

“I don’t understand, Commander…” your voice trailed off. 

He was suddenly being…professional. It was strange. 

“You will pick your team, train them, and see to it that they are fully capable of backing me on combative air missions.” He spoke with authority. “You have two weeks to see this legion fully functional.” 

He rotated to leave the row of ships. “I suggest you familiarize yourself with your fleet…” He paused for a moment. “…Captain.” 

Your knees nearly gave out below you. 

Captain? 

“Commander…” You chased after him. “I-I can’t be in charge of a fleet.” 

He turned around.

“I haven’t been trained as a Captain; I can barely lead myself.” You sighed. “I’m overwhelmed by this…” You motioned towards the ships. “They’re beautiful and I’m grateful for the opportunity but…” You hesitated. “I-I don’t know if I can do this…”

Anxiety built quickly as you contemplated his offer and all that came with it. It was what you’d wanted and more. 

Way more.

You were in over your head. You wanted to teach a handful of friends new skills, not lead an entire legion.

“Can I think about it?” You shook your head. “I promise to let you know by the morning…I just…” Your voice dropped. “…need to sleep on it.”

He moved towards you slowly. Your heart fluttered at his approach. You could feel him again.

He stopped a few inches away from you. 

“If you must…” 

His voice was strange. He sounded…disappointed?

Had you hurt his feelings? For some reason, your heart sunk at the thought.

He cleared his throat, the vulnerability immediately gone from his tone. 

“I expect an answer by tomorrow, Officer.” He spat, gliding swiftly across the hangar. 

As you watched him leave, your feelings nearly drowned you. Anxiety, excitement, frustration, anticipation, infatuation, resentment…all of it bounced around in your mind. 

You turned around to look at the cluster of black ships. Even with the matt paint, they glistened under the hangar lights. 

You tried to calm your thoughts as you gazed at them.

Kylo Ren wanted to give you an entire fucking legion.

Why?  
¬¬¬___________________________________________________________________

You’d been soaking in your bathtub for an hour. 

You stared at the lukewarm water, swirling it around with your toes, lost in thought. 

Did you have what it took to be a Captain? You didn’t know…

But you knew one thing.

The Commander thought you did.

You hated how much that realization meant to you. He trusted you. He had to think you were more than just a pet. He knew you were a good pilot, a capable leader…right?

Somehow you didn’t believe it. You didn’t trust him. Deep down you felt like he was up to something. A force within you kept urging you to decline his offer, separate yourself from him, push him and his darkness out of your mind. 

You didn’t know how to feel. You didn’t know what to believe. 

Why would he push you out of a window and then save your life in the forest? Why would he refuse to give you feedback but trust you with his ship? Why would he acknowledge your connection and then pretend it didn’t exist? Why would he nearly kill you and then buy you an entire fleet of ships?

You had decided to accept his offer on one condition. You needed answers.

You needed to talk to him. 

Climbing out of the tub you wrapped in a towel and glanced into the mirror. The newer bruises the Commander had given you in the ship had healed to a light purply-brown. You sighed and towel dried your hair, staring at your reflection. 

Your head was spinning. You needed to talk to him now. Looking at the clock, you sighed.

Shit. 

It was nearly midnight. 

Would he be awake? Would he even want to talk to you? 

You briefly thought about waiting for morning, but you were afraid that your courage would be long gone by then.

It had to be tonight. 

But what if anyone saw you? There were enough rumors circling base already, being seen walking to and from his quarters in the middle of the night wouldn’t be a good look for you.

Even with the obvious red flags, your heart fluttered at the thought of going to his room. At night. You couldn’t deny you’d missed his strange, dominating sensuality. 

Wait, hold on…you were going to his room to talk. To get answers. 

That’s all. You reminded yourself.

Despite your attempt to recenter your focus, you stared into the mirror nervously. You couldn’t negotiate like this.

You took the time to blow dry your damp hair, using the heat of the dryer to smooth it into long waves, parting it down the middle. You put on a light layer of powder and blush, adding some mascara to your lashes and some tint to your lips.

Your hands shook as you rummaged around in your dresser. What should you wear?

“Get your shit together.” You barked to yourself out loud. 

You decided on loungewear. It was midnight after all. You selected a pair of leggings and an oversized, First Order sweatshirt. 

You laced up your boots, grabbed your ID and headed out the door before you could change your mind. 

Retracing your steps from the beginning of the week, you found your way into the hallway outside the leadership quarters. You were careful to avoid contact with any First Order employees along the way. 

After a few minutes of wandering, you found the long hallway with the large black door at the end. 

The Knights weren’t there.

You sighed a sigh of relief. 

Approaching the entrance, you realized for the first time you didn’t know how you were getting through the door. You pressed lightly on the huge, black surface. 

Locked. Of course. 

You glanced at the keypad on the righthand side of the door and then down to your ID badge. With shaking hands, you slowly lifted your ID over the shiny keypad. 

The door slid open immediately.

No fucking way.

Your breathing shallowed as you walked through the large door, it promptly shut behind you. You made your way down the glass hallway that led to the Commander’s room. The walkway was dark except for the moonlight that filtered through the glass, casting long shadows on the floor.

You were a few feet away from the door when fear rose in your chest. You could feel his presence. He was inside, he was awake. 

You nearly threw up as your stomach rolled into a backflip.

Why were you so nervous?

Panicking, you turned around to leave, walking back down the glass hallway.

You were so fucking stupid. Why did you come here?

You’d barely taken a step away from the door when you heard it slide open behind you. Your heart dropped to your feet as you stood quietly in the hallway, your back to the now open door. 

It was him. 

You felt him take a step towards you. Your heart beat loudly in your chest. You were frozen in place, afraid to speak or move.

He kept moving closer, his shadow now visible in the moonlit hall, stretching out over you. 

Only inches behind you now, he brought his hands up and ran them simultaneously down your arms. You shivered suddenly at his touch, inadvertently leaning into him. 

He tensed behind you, grabbing your waist and pulling you sharply into him. He lightly brushed your hair over to the left side and leaned over your right shoulder. 

“Did you miss me, pet?” his deep, sensual voice whispered directly in your ear. 

He took your head lightly in his hand and titled it to the left, exposing your neck. He bent his head over your shoulder, his dark hair brushing against your face. He brought his mouth to your neck.

And bit down.

Hard.

You inhaled sharply, wincing slightly from the sting. Your heart skipped in your chest. Goosebumps ran down your arms under the sweater. You closed your eyes and pressed your back into him, feeling his erection against you. Your mouth watered as the memory of it flashed through your mind. 

He breathed deeply, seeing your thoughts.

He flicked his wrist and the door to his room slammed shut behind him. At the same time, he grabbed your waist and pushed you aggressively into the glass wall, spinning you around to face him. 

You took him in.

He was wearing black sweatpants that tapered down his ankles and a black, long sleeve undershirt. He was barefoot. 

The blue glow of the moonlight covered him in layers of light and shadows, wrapping perfectly around the natural shading of his features. 

You blinked rapidly.

He was a fucking masterpiece. 

A smirk passed over his face.

“You really need to learn to control your thoughts, princess.” He moved quickly, pressing his body against yours on the cold surface. One arm leaned over your head, resting on the glass, the other hand moved to hold your neck. 

The chill of the windowpane moved you back into reality briefly. 

“Commander, I-” you tried to speak under his gaze. His dark eyes looked you up and down. 

“You what?” He spoke low. “Why did you come here, pet?”

You swallowed. His hand over your throat moved slightly to accommodate the movement. 

“I-I came here to talk to y-” 

He moved his hand from your throat to your face, rubbing his thumb over your lips, interrupting you. 

He shook his head. His dark waves swayed over his shoulders. 

“No you didn’t.”

He moved his arm from above you and grabbed you by the hip, pressing you into the glass. He quickly slipped the hand inside your leggings and pushed between your legs, sliding them apart. He palmed your panties. 

You gasped at the sudden contact. You immediately felt your thighs tense around his hand. You felt the wetness begin to pool between your legs.

Get it together.

“Commander, that’s not why I came I-” as you spoke, he slipped his hand inside the band of your underwear, finding your already wet sex. He located your clit easily, sliding his middle finger over it slowly. 

You bit your lip to stop yourself from moaning. 

Immediately, he brought the hand on your face over your lips again, slipping his thumb inside your mouth as he continued to work your clit. 

“I haven’t made you cum in a while have I, Little Girl?” He murmured in your ear. “Do you think it’s time?”

You shivered against the wall, fighting the pleasure already growing between your thighs, your body responding quickly to his touch. 

You tried to talk through his thumb in your mouth.

“I didn’t come here for-” You gasped; your sentence cut off as he increased the pressure between your legs. 

“Fuck” you breathed, closing your eyes as the change in sensation caught you off guard.

He inhaled loudly upon hearing you and pulled his hands away, taking a step back. 

“Take off your clothes.”

You gaped at him. “What?” You looked around the hallway. “Here?”

He stared at you.

“Are you going to make me count, pet?”

Your clit throbbed as you stared at him. You’d never wanted anyone so badly in your life. In just a few moments, you’d forgotten everything you had planned on saying.

Fuck it.

You shook your head no as you leaned down to pull off your boots and socks. You kept your eyes on him as you pulled your sweater over your head and tossed it on the floor. 

His eyes darkened as he watched you strip for him. You could feel his desire again. He wanted you just as badly. 

You rolled your leggings down your thighs and dropped them on the floor beside your sweater. Standing before him in your underwear, you felt a shiver creep up your spine.

“You’re not done.” His voice was stern.

You brought your shaking hands to your panties, smoothly pushing them to the floor and kicking them to the side. Moving your hand to your bra, you unclasped it and tossed it to the ground. 

You were completely naked, and suddenly, you felt self-conscious. You brought your arms up to cross them over your body, immediately regretting your decision to give into him.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” He snapped. “Put your arms down.”

You swallowed nervously. You liked the way you looked naked, and you’d always heard good things from previous partners, but this man wasn’t like the ones before. You shook your head and hugged yourself tighter, looking down to avoid his gaze

What if he didn’t like your body?

He stepped closer to you and reached out to lightly grab your arms. He pulled them down to your sides. Brushing his hands down your neck and to your breasts, he stopped only briefly to swirl his finger around your nipple. He pushed you back gently against the glass. The ice-cold windowpane stung your bare skin.

“I don’t like it…” He knelt in front of you, kissing down your stomach as he ran his hands over your thighs. “I’m fucking obsessed with it.” He growled. 

Lifting your right leg over his shoulder, he propped you up against the wall. He began kissing up your thigh. You closed your eyes and sighed, soaking in his every word.

“I’ve thought about your body every fucking day since the first moment I saw you.” He bit your thigh. “How could you not know that, pet?” He murmured between your legs, pushing them further apart. 

He pulled you closer to his face and moved on you quickly, dividing your folds with his tongue, finding your clit. 

You melted underneath him. 

Everything that had existed in your mind before this moment vanished. Any concern you felt had fallen to the floor beside your sweater. Abandoned and forgotten. 

How did he do this? You didn’t understand.

But in this moment, you didn’t fucking care. 

He circled you relentlessly, alternating the pressure and tension until you writhed above him. You gasped as he found the perfect rhythm. Instinctively, you brought your hands into his thick black hair, pulling him closer into you. 

He shifted slightly but allowed it. Groaning into you as his own excitement built. 

You closed your eyes. 

He pulled his mouth away, letting it hover just centimeters away from your aching clit. 

“Would you like to cum, Little One?” 

You nodded. You knew what he wanted to hear. “Yes. Yes, Master, please.” 

“Then open your eyes.” He snapped. “Look at me.”

You looked down. His dark eyes looked into yours, his full lips damp with your wetness. The moonlight glowed in his eyes as the shadows fell around you in the hall. He sucked on his cheeks as he leaned over you. 

He spit on your clit.

“Keep your eyes on me, pet.” He demanded. 

He brought his hand up to your opening, using his spit as lubrication, he circled it with his index and middle finger.

Never breaking eye contact, he slowly pushed his fingers inside of you. You signed loudly as he thrust them in and out. Adjusting his position slightly, he brought his lips back over your clit at an angle, still sliding his fingers inside you. He rolled over you with his tongue again and again, remembering the pressure that you liked. 

You wanted to cry out, but you held your breath.

What if someone heard you?

He hovered off of you slightly.

“Then they’ll know whose you are.” He growled against you. “Tell them.”

You whimpered, his voice triggering your climb. Your body began rising to the peak, your back began to sweat against the cold glass, sending goosebumps down your legs. He synced his mouth to his hands, thrusting into you with perfect coordination. 

You couldn’t hold it in. The pleasure hit you in waves. You cried out.

“H-holy shit, I’m going to-” your voice faded as you gasped uncontrollably. He looked up from his position between your legs, staring into your eyes as the climax hit you. 

Your orgasm moved over you with unparalleled force. It nearly knocked you off his shoulders. He grabbed your hips to stabilize you as you buckled against the glass. You gripped his hair as you rode the out the release. He gently dropped your leg from his shoulder and propped you against the wall. 

Nearly hyperventilating, you slid down the glass to sit on the floor beside him. 

But he wasn’t done with you.

He stood up quickly and grabbed you by the hair, pulling you into a kneeling position. He straightened you in front of him, moving your face a few inches from his crotch. 

“You know what to do.” He spat. 

Your body still shaking from your orgasm, you brought your hands up to pull his sweatpants down. His erection was evident underneath the soft fabric. Your heart nearly stopped as you pulled him out. It was as if you were seeing him for the first time. 

Your eyes widened as you tried to quickly plan your approach. 

Taking him in your hands first, you moved them up and down, repositioning him. You slowly brought him up to your lips, wrapping your mouth around him. He breathed in deeply as you worked over him with your tongue. 

You wanted to make him feel like he’d made you feel.

You wanted to be a good girl. 

“Watch your fucking thoughts, pet” he breathed. “I can’t take it anymore.” He grunted as he grabbed you by the hair and pulled you to your feet. 

In one swift movement he picked you up and wrapped your legs around his waist, throwing you back into the wall. Your arms folded around his shoulders. 

He moved one hand behind your back, pushing your body into his. The other hand he moved to his length. He positioned it to hover right outside you. 

He stared into your eyes. You could feel his energy again. Every single atom between the two of you disappeared. You couldn’t hide from him. He couldn’t hide from you. 

You were somehow strung along the same wavelength; somehow tied together. 

You knew he felt it too. 

Desire burned in his eyes like a wildfire.

“I’m going to fuck you, Little Girl.” His tone was dominate. “Hard.”

Your legs shook around him at his directness, but your nerves melted away as you gazed into his black eyes. 

You couldn’t fucking wait.

“Do it.” You nodded at him. “Please.” You breathed. 

His lip twitched at your request. He pushed himself into you slightly, just enough to free up his hand to reposition against the glass behind you. 

In one hard thrust, he pushed himself fully inside you. You cried out as he split you in half. His size stretching into you painfully. He groaned as he slammed you into the wall, pounding into you violently. He moved the hand holding your back and grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking on it aggressively. Your head snapped back to stare at the ceiling. 

Your body tightened around him, quickly adapting to his size. The moments seemed to fly by as you let him have your body. The discomfort faded away and was rapidly replaced by a growing pleasure. You gasped against him.

He brought his face to your stretched neck, biting down hard on the soft skin. You cried out again.

“That’s it, baby.” He spat. “Take my fucking cock like the dirty slut you are.” He licked up your throat.

You whimpered at his voice. 

Before you could respond he picked you up off the window and flipped you around, pushing you into a standing position, he slipped in behind you, pushing himself inside you again. Using his forearm on the back of your neck, he pressed you up against the glass. 

His thrusts still propelling you into the window, he tilted his hips to meet the sweet spot inside of you. With his other hand, he reached around your waist and found your already stimulated clit, rubbing over it with his middle finger. 

You moaned loudly. 

“Good girl.” He grunted. “Tell Daddy how it feels.” He pressed on the back of your neck painfully. “I want to hear you scream for me.”

You tried to catch your breath as your pleasure built again. The pain from his violent thrusts and the pleasure between your legs morphed into one overwhelming sensation. 

Fucking ecstasy. 

You were going to cum again.

Your legs shook under you as you gasped loudly, preparing for the second release. 

He released his forearm from your neck and wrapped his hand around your throat, pulling you back into his chest as he slammed into you. 

“Whose are you?” He moaned through the words, nearing his own climax. “WHOSE?” He growled as he gripped your throat harder.

You gasped as the pleasure nearly sent you into the atmosphere. “Y-Your-s, Master.” You cried. 

“What’s my fucking name?” He growled again. “SAY IT.”

“Kylo” you panted. “Kylo, I’m yours.”

Your climax hit. Hard. You shivered as the waves washed over you. The intensity of the orgasm brought tears to your eyes. You rocked your hips against him, crying out. You felt him release into you, gripping your hips so tightly that you knew it would bruise. He moaned deeply against your shoulder. You felt his damp forehead brush against your back. 

You both stood there for a moment, coming back down from the high. As he pulled out of you, you nearly dropped to the floor, your legs too weak to support yourself.

He tucked himself back inside the sweatpants and leaned over to pick you up. You were too tired to fight him. Shivering into his chest, you allowed him to carry you towards his door. Waving his hand, he opened it and brought you inside. 

He carried you up to his large, white bed and gently laid you under the sheets. 

Was he serious?

“Kylo…No.” You whimpered. “I-I can’t go again I-” 

He held his hand up to stop your sentence and crawled into bed beside you. 

“For sleeping, pet.” He pulled you close to him. “Just sleeping.”

You trembled as you snuggled your naked body against him. 

What fuck had just happened? 

You were too exhausted to try and rationalize it. You just gave in; you didn’t know what else to do.

“G-goodnight, Commander.” You whispered 

You couldn’t see his face, but you heard the smirk in his voice. 

“Goodnight…Captain.”


	10. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys just another note for AO3...
> 
> My primary platform is Wattpad! Please search me on there<3
> 
> I have no clue how to use the formatting here and so this version of the story will be missing the italics and bolding. It adds a lot to the context so you may want to check it out on Wattpad instead if you can!
> 
> <3

**TW**: NSFW!! blood, extremely dubious consent, Dom/sub energy, Sub wants to die, Sub literally asks to die, more than once... rough sex, rough oral sex, degradation, humiliation, sexual harassment, emotional distress, Force use, men are assholes, men with bad tempers, slightly more than very problematic, kylo is mean to us, kylo chokes us, kylo throws us into stuff, guys kylo is not nice, he hurts us for real, aftercare kind of but not really, he says mean things to us, he literally beats the shit out of us, read the last phrase again. And again.

Guys this one is ROUGH. Please do not read this if you have issues with anything listed above.

** also don't read this if you are in a tender mental state plzzzzzzz **

\--AN: As usual, I worked really hard on this one! It is very plot heavy so I hope you can pick up on my direction! PLEASSSSSSE let me know what you think. I LIVE for the comments and feedback<3 END AN--

You awoke to the smell of coffee. The bright sunlight filtered through the window filled room and floated up to cast shadows over the loft.

Sitting up in bed, the white sheets fell around your waist, exposing your bare chest.

You looked down.

Perfect.

The previous night came flooding back into your memory. Holding your breath, you quickly snapped your head to the right, inspecting the bed next to you.

It was empty.

You exhaled in relief and searched the loft with your eyes. There was no sign of the Commander.

You scooted to the end of the bed and made the effort to stand. Pain shot through your body at the movement. Talking small steps, you hobbled to the refresher in the corner of the loft. Wincing, you pushed the door open. You gasped aloud as you stepped in front of the full body mirror.

Your hips were marked with dark bruises that mimicked the pattern of large fingers. Bruises intermingled with purple bite marks, peppered the inside of your thighs. The bruising around your throat was different than normal. The back of your neck, where the Commander had pressed his forearm, was spotted in purple and red splotches that curved around slightly to the base of your neck.

You remembered the way he had pushed his full body weight on that spot, using it as the support for his violent thrusts.

Of course it would bruise.

You scowled, staring at the large bite mark on the right side of your neck. You could make out the indentations of his teeth. You shuddered as you turned your eyes away from the mirror and towards the vanity. Your clothes from the night before were folded in a neat pile and were waiting for you on the side of the vanity. A handwritten note sat on top of the stack.

You unfolded the letter and read the small, scrawling script. 

Captain,

Your ships are waiting.

Everything else you need has been delivered to your room.

Get to work.

I will expect a full report tonight. Use your key.

\- KR

Below the signature, there was another line. Your heart flipped over as you read it.

One more thing, pet...

Don't take any pain reliever.

I want you to feel me all day.

Chills rolled down your arms as you imagined the words in his voice. How did he know you would be in pain? You folded the note and placed in on the side of the sink.

Cocky bastard...

You drew a hot bath and slowly sunk into the warm water, your body screaming as you pushed yourself down.

Did he fuck you or run you over with a truck?

Your sore muscles were grateful for the warm soak and the sharp pain was slowly diluted into a dull throb. After the bath, you changed quickly and left the refresher, stopping unexpectedly at the large bed.

You trailed your fingers over the linens, coming to a stop on the pillow closest to you. Picking it up, you brought it to your nose and inhaled.

It smelt like him.

You shook your head and placed the pillow back in its spot

Stop it. You urged yourself. You're acting insane.

You rubbed your temple, trying to take your mind off the Commander. Making your way down the staircase, you winced slightly, the pain still thumping between your thighs. You continued anyway, following the smell of coffee. Entering the kitchen under the loft, you noticed a small coffee pot had been laid out for you and had been set on a timer. A black cup sat beside the pot. You poured the coffee into the cup and took a seat at the large island, eyeing the sleek, industrial space.

It was clean and immaculate. Other than the small appliance that had been laid out for you, there was no indication that the kitchen had ever been used. Cup in hand, you slid off the stool and made your way to the large refrigerator. You peeked inside. With the exception of a few water bottles, it was totally empty.

You continued to explore.

The black cabinets and drawers were fully stocked with shiny, heavy looking glassware and silverware that appeared to have never been touched.

Did this guy not eat anything?

You shrugged and closed the cabinets.

You downed the coffee quickly and washed your cup in the sink, placing it back on the shelf with the others. Not knowing where to put the coffee pot, you left it on the counter.

As you made your way out the door, you took one last look at the spacious room. Your eyes glazed over the desk, the books, the loft, the bed, the unused kitchen...without warning, you felt a sudden pang of sadness.

You felt bad for him.

You couldn't imagine an existence this alone, without your friends or family. You couldn't imagine an empty refrigerator anymore than you could imagine an empty life. Almost instantly, you longed to see your friends.

You frowned at the luxuriously cold living quarters and found yourself wondering if he ever got lonely.

Snap the fuck out of it. You barked at yourself. You don't care...

You shook your head as you closed the door and began walking down the glass hall. Predictably, your heart skipped a beat as you passed the area where you'd been the night before. The image manifested quickly, and your thighs clenched in response. You tried to push down the flutter in your heart as the memory floated by.

He saw you as an object to use and abuse. You couldn't let yourself forget that. He was rough with you. Violent even. He couldn't be trusted. He made you feel different. You were thankful you didn't have to interact with him again so soon. With the Commander gone you finally felt lighter, more comfortable, more like yourself.

The soreness around your neck began to throb, seemingly supporting your train of thought.

You passed the Knights without looking up. A cold shiver rolled through you as you felt their eyes on your back. You found yourself thankful again that they hadn't been there the night before.

As you made your way back to your room, you pulled your sweater up snuggly and draped your hair over the base of your neck, being careful to hide the markings. Thankfully, you made it all the way home without seeing anyone familiar.

Once inside your studio, you let out the breath you'd been holding. Dropping your shoulders, you let the sweater fall naturally again.

You looked around the room. Everything seemed normal. What had the Commander been talking about? Scanning the space, you noticed the closet light had been left on. Squinting, you made your way into the walk-in space.

You gaped at the closet in front of you. It was full. Of stuff.

New clothes. Black clothes.

You walked slowly between rows. All your normal stuff was there, your flight suits and leather jackets still hung in place, but the remaining space was stuffed with additional pieces. Blazers, skirts, pants, blouses, scarves, capes...the closet was overflowing with luxurious, black garments.

There were two garment bags hanging on the back of the rack. You unzipped the first and gasped.

It was a long, sequined black dress. Its striking long sleeves hung down past the plunging neckline that mirrored the open back. You noticed a long slit up the side.

What in the hell? Where the fuck would you wear this?

You shook you head as you zipped it back up. Moving on to unzip the next bag, your heart nearly stopped.

It was a new formal uniform.

A Captain's uniform.

You felt tears pool in your eyes as you ran your hand down the medallion on the front. The bars on the sleeve held four stripes. You took a deep breath and backed away from it, nearly tripping on the row of new shoes that lined the floor.

The uniform represented everything you'd ever wanted.

Equality, acceptance, validation...

You craved the new position; you wanted the responsibility and the challenge. From the beginning you'd known you had the potential for leadership. You knew you'd be a Captain one day.

But you'd wanted to earn it...

What was he playing at? You didn't ask to be handed a promotion. You felt sudden anger flash through you as you glanced around the closet. You didn't need this stuff; you didn't ask for this stuff.

Did he think he could buy your allegiance? Buy your silence?

You looked at the uniform again.

Fuck...is that what he just did?

You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes. It was everything you'd ever wanted, and he'd just given it to you without a second thought. If he could give, he could take away.

Was this all a clever reach for leverage against you? If you didn't play his games, would he threaten to take it all away?

You were fucked either way. Literally.

Your anger built as you worked through the situation. You kicked a pair of black stilettos across the floor. Letting out a deep breath, you were surprised to find how good it felt to take your anger out on them.

You walked over and picked one up. Turning it over in your hand you felt a tingling sense of control spread through your fingers. You stared blankly at the shoe in your hand. Wrapping your fist around the thin heel, you jerked your hand aggressively, snapping it off.

The force of your grip surprised you.

Wait, how did you do that?

You pushed the question down and tossed the ruined shoe on the ground. You played with the broken heel, rolling it over in your palm.

For one brief moment, you felt uncontrollable rage flash through you. Snarling, you pivoted around and stabbed the sharp heel through the wall of the closet, pinning it in the drywall like a dart.

You tilted your head as you released your grip, the broken heel stayed wedged in the wall.

"Fuck you." You whispered to it.

You stared at it blankly for a moment. Your mind reeling with emotion, you felt strange. You looked down at your shaking hands and sighed.

What the hell was that?

You were losing it.

You quickly changed into a clean flight suit, trying your best to avoid contact with any more of the new clothes. Turning to leave the closet, you eyed the stiletto heel still pegged into the wall.

You left it.

Because fuck him.

You tried not to focus on what you'd just done or what you'd just felt. There was no need to psychoanalyze everything. You were angry. You had a right to be. Kylo Ren had just hijacked your career. Your entire life was changing.

Anger is a normal emotion. You reminded yourself.

You felt a sudden pull inside you. You needed to see your friends. You needed positive human interaction, and fast.

Grabbing your data pad, you plopped down on the couch and drafted a quick message to your grouplink.

______________________________

Message 001481

SENDING 0815

Sender: **Y/N**

Receiver: 2103, GroupLink

SOS. You guys home? Anyone up for breakfast?

________________________________ 

You sent the message and waited. If they weren't out on an assignment, it wouldn't be long until someone responded. Sure enough, a few minutes later, your pad beeped. 

______________________________

Message 001482

SENT 0819

Sender: Thomas Watson

Breakfast, yes. When/where?

______________________________

You typed. 

______________________________

Message 001483

SENDING 0819

Sender: **Y/N**

Receiver: 2103, GroupLink

ASAP. Cafeteria, 0900?

________________________________ 

It beeped again. 

______________________________

Message 001484

SENT 0820

Sender: Darian Pope

In.

______________________________

_____________________________

Message 001485

SENT 0821

Sender: Marco Scheler

Stop blowing me up this early I hate you.

I'll be there.

______________________________

You smiled. You felt better already. Setting your datapad on the table, you stood to your feet. Just as you were about to head into the refresher, you heard a knock at the door. Your heart sunk to your feet. You already knew who it was.

Sighing, you opened the door. Avery stood propped against the frame.

"What?" He glared at you. "...you thought I'd just reply to some fucking group message after you've barely talked to me all week?" He pushed his way inside your room and closed the door behind him.

"Listen, I'm really sorry I-" you tried to speak but he held up his hand.

"You know rumor has it..." He leaned over the kitchen counter. "...there are some fancy ass ships sitting in the middle of Hangar 4." He looked you up and down. "You wouldn't know anything about those would you?"

You took a deep breath. How would you spin this?

"I can explain..." your voice trailed as you looked at him. You suddenly realized you couldn't lie anymore.

"They're mine." You sighed.

He nodded. "I thought so." Moving away from the counter, he took a step closer to you. "What exactly did you have to do for those ships?"

Instinctively, you adjusted your hair to cover the Commander's markings.

"No." He squinted. "Let me see."

You frowned, but reluctantly complied, tilting your head to show him your neck.

He inhaled loudly and backed away from you again, moving quickly to sit on the couch, resting his face in his hands.

"Why?" He was shaking. "I don't understand..."

You felt tears forming as you went to sit beside him.

"I don't know..." you whispered. "I don't understand either..." You placed your hand on his shoulder.

"No." He spat your name as he shook your hand off. "Tell me why. Tell me why you're letting him do this." His voice suddenly fell quiet. "I know you. I know you're not fucking him for new ships, I know that! So tell me the real reason. Now..." He stood up quickly. "...before I go rip him limb from limb.

You shook your head, the tears threatening to fall. "I told you. He would kill yo-"

"THEN FUCKING LET HIM." He was yelling now. "If it meant you could be free from whatever the fuck this is..." His voice tapered off quickly. "...then let him."

Your tears fell. He saw them and softened his gaze, sitting down immediately.

"I-I'm sorry for raising my voice..." He put his head in his hands again. "I'm trying to trust your judgment but...I just need to understand..."

It was time to tell him. You couldn't risk him ever confronting the Commander.

You wiped your eyes. "I had a vision."

His head snapped up. "A what?"

You sighed. "A vision. Of the Resistance. Of Starkiller."

You looked at your lap and muttered through a recap of your vision. You explained your plan to learn offensive maneuvering. You hesitated slightly as you arrived at the point where you'd made the arrangement with Commander Ren. You took a deep breath and continued, leaving out the personal details, but making sure he understood the premise of the arrangement. 

You felt Avery tense beside you. "So you're like his..." he was nearly whispering "...slave or something?"

You shook your head. "Not a slave..." You brought your hand up to rub your temple. "More like a..." You flinched. "...a pet."

He breathed loudly. "Good gods, Kyber. What the fuck?"

The tears rolled down your face again. "I-I know it's fucked up, ok?" You tried to calm yourself. "But the plan is working, A."

You jumped up off the couch and grabbed his hand, leading him into the closet. You pointed to the open garment bag. The Captain's medallion glistened in the light.

"It's working..." you whispered through the tears.

He gasped and stalked over to the bag, running his fingers over the stripes on the jacket.

"He made you a...Captain?" He spun around on his heels. "So the ships..."

You nodded. "...are my fleet."

"Holy shit..."

"Yeah..."

He looked around the full closet, eyeing the surplus. "What about the rest of this?"

You shrugged, and turned to leave the closet, suddenly embarrassed. Avery followed you out, stopping you in the doorway. He pointed to the stiletto heel still wedged into the side wall.

"...and what happened here?"

"A temper tantrum I guess..." You smiled slightly. "...but I'm over it now."

As you said the words, you meant them. You felt much better having spoken the truth out loud. You felt your soul settle into a good place. A lighter place, a healthier place.

"So do you understand now?"

He furrowed his brows. "Not really." Pausing briefly. "But I trust you."

You gave him another light smile. "Thanks for listening. I'm actually glad to have someone to share it with." You moved in for a hug. As he wrapped his arms around your neck, you winced automatically from the contact on your sore skin.

He pulled away slightly and frowned down at you.

"Know your limits, kid..." His voice faded away momentarily. "You may have made a deal with the devil...but he doesn't own you." His eyes lingered over the bite mark on your neck. "Don't let him believe he does."

You nodded against him. He was right. You couldn't let Kylo Ren believe he had ownership over you. You needed to make sure the Commander understood you were a willing participant in his game, not a slave.

"Enough with this mushy shit." You smirked at Avery as you gave him a playful shove. "So do you want a new ship or not?"

His eyes lit up. "You bet your pet-ass I do!"

You let the name slide and flashed him a smile.

"Let's go get the team then."

_____________________________________________

At breakfast, you gave your friends a censored version of the story. Just enough so that they understood your promotion and your responsibility of training the new legion.

You didn't tell the others about your pet status. Unlike Avery, they didn't know you well enough to sense something was suspicious about your involvement with Commander Ren. They just assumed you'd been in the right place at the right time.

And in some ways, they were right.

You found yourself wondering if you hadn't been assigned to the Chandrila mission, would the Commander have ever noticed you?

You pushed down the thoughts as you wrapped up your recap with the question they had been waiting on since you'd mentioned the new ships.

You made eye contact with them.

"So..." you sucked on your teeth lightly. "Who's in?"

Thomas was the first one to speak. He barely let you finish your sentence.

"Fucking me." He was smiling ear to ear. "This is the coolest thing to ever happen. I'm so in."

A small part of your heart clenched as you stared at his gleeful face. You remembered your vision briefly. The way you'd watch the same light disappear from his eyes, the way he'd died in your arms. You remembered the smell of the hangar burning around you, the streaks of blood on the floor....

Snap the fuck out of it. You ordered yourself.

"Perfect." You gave Tom a soft smile.

Darian spoke next. "Count me in too, boss."

You nodded at him, still smiling.

Marco leaned over the table. "You know this will make our inevitable sexual involvement more complicated..." He smirked. "...but count me in, babe."

You couldn't help but giggle.

"I'll try to keep it professional, dear." You flipped him off subtly.

Everyone shifted their eyes to Avery, sitting on your left. He hadn't spoken yet. He was gazing off into the distance. His face was scrunched, obviously disconnected, his thoughts elsewhere.

You cleared your throat.

He blinked a couple times and turned his head back to the table.

"Yeah..." He spoke quietly. "I'm in."

You wished you knew what he was thinking, you could tell he was battling something deep within. Something was tormenting his subconscious, and you were pretty sure it was you.

You didn't dwell on the feelings.

"Ok then." You nodded. "I have 10 ships. So I'll need a few more guys from the 2103..." You glanced around the table. "I don't care who, just work together to pick five more and meet me in Hangar 4 in an hour."

You stood up from the table. The authority had quickly come into your tone. You were surprised how good it felt to give an order.

Marco made eye contact with you. His green eyes squinted suggestively as he noticed your energy shift. "Yes, Ma'am." He whispered.

Despite yourself, your heart fluttered briefly.

Ma'am.

You liked it how it sounded.

You returned his squinting gaze, letting your eyes linger a little too long before turning around and walking away from the table.

Fighting down the urge to turn and wave goodbye, you kept your stride until you were clear of the cafeteria. You felt confident, powerful even.

Once outside the door, you leaned against the wall and took a deep breath.

Holy shit. Is this how the Commander felt every second of every day?

You could get used to this.

_____________________________________________

An hour later, you met the guys in the hangar. Like you'd requested, they had brought five familiar faces from your squad. You greeted them and welcomed them to the team.

You led the men to the ships.

"Pick one." You smiled.

They scattered like birds, shuffling in different directions quickly. As you watched them scramble in and out of the ships you fought down a giggle.

This was fun.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a cold voice behind you.

"Hello there, Ducky."

Your heart leapt in your chest as you rotated around to see General Hux standing behind you, a group of stormtroopers shadowing him.

"I told you we'd be seeing each other again soon." He gave you a cruel smile and gestured to the ships. "It seems Commander Ren is still highly satisfied with your performance." He emphasized the last word, his voice highly suggestive.

You nodded slowly, trying to read his intentions.

"It seems so."

He took a step closer. "You know, I've been hearing some interesting things about you..." His bright eyes sparkled eerily. "One doesn't have to infer much to put the pieces together."

Your anger rose abruptly. You were beginning to get used to the feeling.

"Well I've heard you're a clone." You squinted. "So it's safe to say you can't believe everything you hear." You raised your eyebrows. "Unless of course you are one."

His sharp jaw clenched. "You should mind your manners...your little arrangement won't protect you from me."

You glared at him. "I don't know what you're referring to, Sir."

He smirked. "Of course you don't, Dear." He stepped closer to you, leaning to whisper in your ear. "Perhaps I should ask your Master instead."

You tensed. How could he possibly know?

"Perhaps you should." You whispered back.

He scowled down at you. "I'm not afraid him, Little Duck."

You felt an ominous smile creep over your lips.

"You should be."

He backed away slowly, never breaking his cold eye contact. After a few moments, his nostrils flared.

"These are yours." He motioned to the small group of stormtroopers behind him.

What?

You squinted and shook your head. "I don't need them."

He smirked. "Sorry, Ducky." He waved the troopers in your direction. They marched obediently to your side. "It's a direct order from Commander Ren. They're to be your security detail."

"I don't need security. They'll just get in the way I-" you started to argue but he waved his hand.

"Not my problem..." He hesitated "...Captain."

Rotating quickly, he bounded away, mumbling under his breath and leaving the troopers behind.

You looked at the stormtroopers. "Uh...you're dismissed." Waving causally in their direction.

The one with the red armband walked up to you and saluted. "Negative, Captain. We are assigned to your service."

You glared at them. "Well I don't need your service."

"We have a direct order from Commander Ren to provide secur-"

"Fine." You snapped. "But I'll be in the air all day, so you're wasting your time..."

The leader nodded. "We will wait for your return."

You rolled your eyes and walked back to the new ships.

Why would he assign you a security detail? You didn't need protection from anyone but him.

You were fairly certain you knew why. They weren't there to protect you, they were there to spy on you; to report your every move to your Master.

You were pulled from your thoughts as you approached the ships. Your new team was humming with excitement, arguing and taking bets as to who would get the most kills. Their chatter died down immediately as you neared.

You cleared your throat.

"Today is the first day of a new legion. Commander Ren desires an air support team, and that's exactly what we will give him. Over the next few weeks I will personally oversee your training and standardization to ensure that this unit is capable of meeting the Commander's needs."

You saw Avery shift uncomfortably in your peripherals.

Maybe you shouldn't have said 'needs'...Oh well. Too late.

"I will introduce the basic combative maneuvers previously demonstrated to me. You will observe, and then do your best to reciprocate the profile." You were getting serious déjà vu. "I will alternate between the ships to ensure that you are given any hands-on instruction you may require."

They all nodded, seemingly understanding the objective.

"Today you will focus on getting to know the new equipment and the profiles we will be practicing in the weeks to come." You paused to take a breath. "Any questions?"

They looked at each other strangely.

Shit. Captains didn't ask for questions...you'd have to try and remember that.

"Never mind." You backtracked. "Let's get to work."

___________________________________________

It had without a doubt been one of the longest days of your life.

You had demonstrated the maneuvers to each new team member and had personally sat in every single new TIE, instructing and observing your pilots.

Getting into a rhythm of demonstrating, then teaching, then swapping ships and been an all-day process. But you'd finally found a system that worked. You'd spend half an hour with each pilot in the air, and then swap ships, leaving the previous pilot to practice on their own, with you checking in on them again at the end of the day.

You also had the pleasure of hiding your obvious discomfort every time you had to hop in and out of the ships, your thighs still stinging from the night before.

You were exhausted, but all things considered, you felt that the day had gone better than expected. No one had called you out on the fact that you yourself couldn't even fly the maneuvers perfectly yet.

Your last flight of the night was with Marco. He had picked up the control inputs naturally. He was definitely going to be the easiest pilot to teach.

Sighing, you watched him land perfectly in the nearly deserted hangar. "Really good job tonight." You smiled at him. "I mean it. I feel like we may actually be able to pull this off..."

Out of the corner of your eye you saw the small group of stormtroopers march briskly to the side of the ship. They'd been waiting in the hangar for you all day. You rolled your eyes.

You hated them already.

Marco jumped out of the pilot's seat in front of you. "No, boss..." He held out his hand, offering to help you out of the ship. "You're going to pull this off."

You looked at his hand. For a moment you hesitated...

What, you couldn't touch a friends hand now? Gods...

You took it hurriedly and let him help you down to the floor. "Thanks..." you muttered.

"No, seriously, Kyber this is incredible." He motioned to the row of parked ships. "...You're incredible." You brought your eyes to his, expecting to see sarcasm or humor.

You didn't.

Instead, you saw something else. Admiration? Infatuation? You couldn't tell.

You found yourself smiling. "Thanks, Mag." You let your tone soften. "That means a lot." As you spoke the words, you realized he hadn't let go of your hand. You pulled it lightly out of his.

He frowned. "Listen, I know I joke around with you a lot but..." He ran his hand through his curls. "...but I want you to know that I think you're pretty fucking spectacular..." He hesitated. "...I'm sorry if that's inappropriate."

Your heart rate increased. You found yourself sweeping the hanger with your eyes, pausing momentarily on the stormtroopers standing only a few feet away.

What were you nervous about? You weren't doing anything wrong. Why did you feel guilty about receiving a simple complement?

You remembered Avery's words from before. "...he doesn't own you."

Damn right he didn't own you. You bit your bottom lip nervously.

"It is inappropriate..." you looked over at him as you began walking towards the exit. "...but I'll let it slide."

He laughed and followed you out of the hangar. The stormtroopers moved in unison, shadowing you both with a loose follow. You stopped in front of the shuttle door.

"I know it's late, but do you want to go grab a drink or something?" Marco asked anxiously but backtracked quickly. "Like as a group? To celebrate the big day? I'm sure I could round up the guys in no time."

You considered it briefly but looked down at your watch and sighed. You had an outstanding appointment.

"No, I'm sorry I can't tonight..." You shook your head. "Rain check though?"

He nodded, boarding the shuttle. "Goodnight then..." He winked at you. "...Captain."

You flashed him a smirk and waited until the shuttle was out of view before turning and walking in the direction of the leadership quarters.

Your mind swam with the events of the day. The emotions piled up quickly as you paced to the Commander's room. The feeling felt all too familiar. You suddenly remembered why.

You'd never gotten a chance to ask the Commander any of your questions from the night before. Why had you not confronted him at all?

Because he'd fucked you into oblivion before you had a chance...

You exhaled loudly. Of course you remembered laying down your inhibitions, and at the time it had felt right, but now you just felt embarrassed. Used.

He had fucked you to shut you up. And it had worked.

Your frustration escalated as you realized you'd never actually accepted the promotion. He'd only assumed you had.

He'd pushed you out of a window for sucks sake. You were just supposed to forget about that because he'd given you some ships?

But he'd also rescued you from the forest... You reminded yourself. And had given you the best orgasm of your life...

Pushing the memory down, you made a mental note to get the answers you needed tonight. He wasn't touching you again until he explained himself. You had to hold your ground this time. You couldn't give in to him. Like Avery said, you couldn't let him believe he owned you.

The sound of the trooper's boots behind you filled your mind with continuous thumps of anxiety. Your sore thighs clenched tighter with each step. You found yourself dreading the coming conversation, but at the same time...anticipating it?

Why did he make you so crazy?

You rounded the corner towards the black door and noticed two different Knights guarding it this time. Your stormtroopers stopped following you.

"Uh...excuse me." You swung your head around to face them. "This is pretty much the only time I might need you."

The leader shook his helmet. "The Knights will handle security in your residence, Ma'am."

Your residence?

You glared at them and turned away, making the walk to the door alone. As you approached the large men, your stomach dropped to your feet. You expected some resistance from them, as you'd never seen these two particular Knights before. However, before you even reached the door, they had opened it for you.

You kept your eyes on the ground as you shuffled through the doorway and into the moonlit glass hall. Your heart pounded as the aesthetic immediately sent your mind reeling into the memory of the night before.

Coming to a stop in front of the Commander's door, you paused.

He had said to use your key...

You took a deep breath and grazed your ID over the keypad. The door slid open immediately. Stepping into the dimly lit room, you searched the space with your eyes.

You spotted the Commander.

He was standing in front of the burning fireplace, his back facing you. His dark hair blended into the blackness of his cape.

You stepped through the doorway, trying to calm your pounding heart.

You had to stay strong.

You noticed the coffee table was missing, leaving a large empty space in between the two parallel leather couches. The Commander stood in front of the empty space, still turned towards the fire.

Taking in a large gulp of air, you made your way closer to him, moving to stand in between the couches where the coffee table had been. You stopped a few feet behind him.

You stood in silence until he finally addressed you.

"Kneel."

His voice was low and cold. Colder than you'd heard it in a while.

"I'm sorry..." You hesitated. "Do w-what?"

"Kneel, pet." He spat. "Now."

You could feel your tension rising. You couldn't tell if it was sexual or aggressive. Maybe it was both. Play his game. You encouraged yourself. For now. 

You slowly knelt down on the cold, concrete floor, leaning back so that your butt rested on the back of your heels.

"Going forward..." He turned around slowly and looked down at you. "...this is how I want to see you." His voice was flat, emotionless. "From now on, when you enter this room, you will return to this exact position until given further instructions." The warm light from the fire rippled across his features giving him an ominous glow. "Do you understand?"

You poked your lower lip out, contemplating the request. "But...what if you aren't here?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Then you wait."

"Here?"

He nodded.

Motherfucker-

"Pet, the next time you call me that I'm going to hit you."

The tone of his voice made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. His voice was ice cold and absolutely dominating.

You knew he was serious.

Fear fired through your brain, raising alarms throughout your subconscious. You tried your best not to show it. You couldn't give in to him or his scare tactics.

You needed answers. You reminded yourself.

You looked up into his eyes. "I'm just confused..." You took a deep breath. "All of this is happening so quickly, and I don't understand why. I didn't ask to be promoted or to be in charge of an entire fleet. I didn't evenaccept the position." You whispered. "I came here last night to talk to you about it and well...you distracted me. Intentionally."

He stared down at you silently.

"Something is happening to me...to us..." you shook your head, regretting your words and redirecting the sentence. "We need to talk about it, Commander."

He sucked on his teeth lightly.

"What makes you think I'm interested in talking to you?"

His words stung as they fell down over you. Rejection and embarrassment settled into your mind, blending quickly into your lingering frustration. 

You glared at him.

"Because I'm not fucking stupid." You spat. "I know something is going on. I know you're up to something, Kylo."

You smirked as you watched the anger move across his face. You'd struck a nerve.

"Don't fucking call me that." He snapped.

You felt your own anger rise, strangely feeding your confidence.

"That's not what you said last night...Master." You smirked at him.

He squatted down in front of you and grabbed your face violently, jerking it forward, bringing it only inches from his own. He tightened his grip on your chin, squeezing it painfully. You gazed directly into his dark eyes, immediately recognizing the glow of wrath inside them.

"Do you think just because I fucked you that you can get away with saying anything you want?" He growled. "Your stubbornness will get you nowhere. Your will is mine to bend; mine to break."

His face hardened as he leaned in closer.

"Feeling strong, princess?" He snarled. "Do you want to find out who's stronger?"

Your heartbeat raced as the pain shot through your jaw.

He needed this. You realized. The control. The authority. He lived off it. You flared your nostrils and pulled against him, fighting his grip. Somewhere deep inside, you craved his aggression. Out of nowhere, you felt the strange desire to antagonize him, frustrate him, take away the control he craved.

It was time he found out...he didn't own you.

You saw his eyes darken.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

You narrowed your eyes. "I didn't say anything." You felt the anger rear its head again, quickly overpowering the momentary fear. The sudden onset emotion was followed by something else. You felt aggressive, spiteful...powerful.

The pent-up resentment showed, and you lashed out. "Why don't you just stay the fuck out of my head?"

You saw his face harden further.

"You presume to give me orders?" He snarled as released his grip violently. "Speak to me like that again and I'll fucking kill you." He stood over you again.

You remembered the times he'd nearly killed you before. Despite yourself, you felt the smirk return to your lips. The words slipped out before you could stop them.

"No you won't."

You felt his energy shift. Suddenly, he felt truly dangerous. You saw the rage flash across his face, leaving his jawline clenched. You immediately regretted your words.

Why had you said that? Why was your temper so hard to control lately?

For a moment he stared at you, saying nothing.

"You haven't learned a single thing about respect..." His icy voice filtered down over you. "But you're about to..."

He tilted his head. You saw the wheels turning in his mind, making inaudible calculations. Something clicked inside of him; he'd made a decision. His energy calmed slightly but filled the room with an electric charge.

"Stand up." He ordered. But before you could move, he had already swiped his hand through the air, yanking you to your feet aggressively.

"Where are you from, pet?"

You scrunched your brows.

"W-what?"

"Where are you from?"

"...Naboo."

"Hm..." he nodded. He already knew. "That's where you feel safe then, Little Girl?"

You nodded. "I-I guess..." You didn't understand...where was he going with this?

"Commander, why-"

Without warning his gloved hand slapped you sharply across the face. Had it not been for the invisible hold still lingering around your body, you would have fallen to the floor.

Pain spread across your cheek. You tasted blood in your mouth.

"Don't speak again." He snapped "Unless I tell you to..."

Your head pounded as you watched him pace in front of you. A combination of dread and anticipation flooded your mind. You felt the bridge between your minds start to form. He felt the same.

Slowly, he unclasped his cape from his shoulders and threw it across the couch.

"I'm going to hurt you, pet." He turned to face you again. His eyes dark. "And afterwards..." he paused as he gradually peeled off a glove "...you'll never doubt that I own you."

He tossed the glove on the couch.

"W-what are you going to do?" You whispered.

He didn't look up as he slowly pulled the second glove off, throwing it beside the other.

"I'm going to break you."

As he moved towards you, the force around your body released its pressure. He brought his bare hand to rest on your throbbing jaw. "When you've had enough, say the word 'Naboo'." His eyes darkened. "That's the only thing you can say to make me stop."

His words shot out like an arrow to your heart. 

"We'll see just how strong your will is, pet..."

You felt your anger return swiftly and irrationally. He raised his eyebrows. "Be angry if you want. It won't make a difference."

You shook against his hand on your face.

Fucking sadist. Rage flashed through you again, and with it, the unrealistic sense of power and control. Somehow, under his grip you felt more in control than ever before.

He wouldn't break you. You wouldn't say his stupid word. You wouldn't give in.

The unfamiliar dark energy seeped through you. Clouding your judgment and pushing you to an emotive response.

"Do your worst." You spat. "I'll never say it."

He smiled darkly.

"Well, I hope not right away..." as he spoke you saw his hand fly through the air, you heard it as it made contact with your face.

You fell to the floor, gasping from the impact. Before you could register the hit, he yanked you to your feet by the back of your head. You wobbled slightly, trying to catch your balance.

The third hit connected with your cheek, knocking you to the ground again. White hot pain rolled through you. The blood accumulated quickly in your mouth. You felt it slide down your chin as you inhaled violently, your vision beginning to blur. You rose to your knees but stayed on the ground, leaning up against the black couch.

"Stay there." He growled as he knelt behind you, pushing you fiercely over the cushion.

He reached around your chest and found your flight suit's zipper, yanking it down aggressively. Balling his fist up in your hair he pulled your head back and used his other hand to rip the suit down your shoulders and waist. He threw your body back against the couch and pushed the suit down around your knees. Pressing your stinging face into the seat, he placed his hand on the back of your head, pinning your bloody cheek directly on the cushion. His other hand worked to pull your black panties down your thighs.

Your throbbing face screamed as he mashed it against the couch. But through the searing pain, you felt yourself latch onto his energy. You felt everything from him. His desire, his pain, his urgency.

He moved behind you, unzipping his pants. You felt him bring himself to the back of your thighs, hovering outside your entrance from behind. You grunted as you wiggled against him. "Don't you fucking dare."

He slapped your ass. Hard.

You winced.

"Shut the fuck up." He snapped and then paused momentarily. "Unless...you've had enough?"

He leaned over you. "Would you like to submit now, pet? You know the word."

Fucking bastard.

"No." You panted. "No fucking wa-."

As you spoke, he rammed himself inside of you without warning. You gasped from the discomfort of the dry intrusion and the stinging pain still lingering on your face. He pushed his member inside of you, stimulating your inside walls. You felt a relatively new sensation build. You recognized it as the same feeling you'd had the night before.

The pain and the pleasure. Together. Working simultaneously, they blended into one overarching sensation.

You liked it. And you hated that you liked it.

"Of course you like it, slut." He spat. "This is what you were made for..." He balled his fist in your hair again, yanking it back violently. "...taking my fucking cock."

You cried out as the motion nearly ripped your hair from your scalp.

More pain.

He pushed harder into you, forcing himself deeper than you'd ever thought possible.

More pleasure.

"F-fuck..." You gasped as you felt your body ascending.

He moaned loudly, adding more pressure to your hair. With each thrust the blood from your mouth dripped down your neck and breasts to pool on the couch below.

He moved his hand out of your hair and grabbed you by the neck, pulling your sore jaw up towards the ceiling.

You felt the muscles tense as he adjusted his grip. His pressure threatened to dislocate the tender joint. You felt the blood run over his hand as gripped it harder. Sudden agony rolled through you.

It was too much.

STOP. You screamed at him in your mind. PLEASE.

You heard him inhale behind you. "I like it when you beg, baby." He growled lowly.

You felt tears prick your eyes as he hooked his fingers in your bloody mouth. It hurt.

"Then say your word." He snapped. "Submit to me."

Your mind worked through the pain, searching his energy, trying to understand.

He was conflicted. He wanted to stop. He wanted you to give in.

Anger flashed inside you.

No. You thought at him.

He snarled. He released you violently and pulled out of you. Flipping you over briskly, he forced you to sit on the floor, pushing your neck against the couch. He gripped your throat as he moved to straddle you, pinning your torso with thighs.

He brough his cock to your lips.

"Open."

You gasped. WHAT?

Your bloody jaw throbbed painfully as you closed your mouth and shook your head no.

"Then...SAY IT." He demanded. "Your fucking safe word. SAY IT."

The unbearable pain was beginning to give way to something else inside you. You hated him. The hate fueled an energy you didn't immediately recognize.

"F-fuck you." You panted.

He smiled darkly. "I was hoping you'd say that."

In one swift motion he moved the hand from your throat up to your mouth. Shoving his fingers inside roughly, he pried your lips open. He pressed his cock up to the fingers in your mouth and smoothly swapped their positions.

The pain split down to your neck as he pushed himself deep inside your throat, stretching your sore muscles apart.

Tears rolled down your cheeks, mixing with the blood and falling onto him as he continued to thrust relentlessly into you.

You gaged against him, barely able to catch your breath as the pain began to bring black spots into your vision.

"Had enough?" He panted above you.

You had.

But you wouldn't give in. You couldn't give in.

NO. You shouted at him in your mind.

He didn't own you.

He grunted and grabbed the front of your forehead, pushing it back forcefully so he could watch your face from above.

"Then what the fuck would you call this?" He stifled a moan through his teeth as his climax approached. "If this isn't ownership, pet..." He pulled himself out of your throat and brought the tip of his cock to you lips. "...then tell me what the fuck is."

He gripped the side of the couch as he came, flooding the inside of your mouth with his seed. It mixed with the accumulated blood and ran down the side of your chin, flowing freely down your neck. He pulled out sharply and pressed his hand over your mouth, making you gag on it.

"Swallow." He snapped.

Your jaw trembled excruciatingly as you did. The pain, the humiliation, the rage, all slipped over you just as he had.

You felt your fingertips tingle as he pushed you roughly to the side. He moved to stand above you, zipping himself up in one single motion.

Suddenly, you wanted to hurt him. You wanted to kill him.

But it didn't matter.

You'd won the game.

Panting on the floor, you found yourself smiling manically. For a moment, you felt yourself slip out of your body.

Something else took your place. As you opened yourself up to the hatred festering inside, you felt like a different person. A powerful person. You felt untouchable. You grabbed hold of the rage that circled the outside of your mind and brought it close.

He hesitated above you. He felt it too.

You heard him take a deep breath.

"You've won nothing." He snarled.

He waved his hand, lifting you up off the ground and striping the dangling flight suit away from your body. You were suspended in midair in your underwear and boots, your face still dripping with blood and cum.

"I'll ask you one more time..." His voice was dominant and cold. "Have you had enough?"

Your newly found confidence pushed you to a quick response.

"Not even close." You gasped through the words as he threw you back down to the floor violently.

You didn't even feel the impact with the concrete floor, you were in a different place. The pain triggered a shadowy clarity deep within you. You were outside of your body. The dark energy coursed through you. In this moment, you were a different person. He was pushing you towards it. You felt it.

Well you would push him too. How far would he go?

Suddenly, you knew what this was. It was a battle for control. If you gave in, he won. If he stopped before you told him to, you won.

This version of yourself refused to lose. If that meant he beat you to death, then so be it.

You knelt on the floor, your body hunched over as the blood ran down your face and onto the ground below you.

Your connection to him fueled your inner control. Your dark wrath pushed through the physical pain. You felt liberated, confident. Powerful. Besides that, you felt nothing other than pure, unfiltered anger. It was his, but it was also yours. You tapped into it, allowing it to pull your focus from the pounding of your head. It pulled you out of the blackness that threatened to take away your consciences.

"Your safe word." He snapped. "Say it."

You breathed in deep, uneven breaths as you shook your head.

"No." You sneered up at him through the blood. "Just fucking kill me."

His jaw clenched.

Had you called his bluff?

He snarled and kicked you sharply in the side, knocking you down from your kneeling position.

Blinding pain broke through the mental boundary of your willpower. Your connection to the dark energy broke immediately, sending you back into reality. The full agony of your condition hit you all at once.

You gasped and tried to pull yourself up off the floor, but the pain in your side made you double over, falling again to your knees.

You heard him inhale sharply.

"SAY IT."

You couldn't speak. You called to him in your mind instead.

No.

He grunted loudly and turned around to the bookshelf, violently throwing his hand over the nearest surface and hurling the books to the floor.

"SAY IT OR I WILL KILL YOU." He rotated aggressively, holding his hand out and pulling you into the air again. Your airway closed up. "FUCKING SAY IT."

You felt tears roll down your cheeks as you hovered over the ground, the pain from your side shot up into your arm and chest. The pressure around your throat increased, your bones began to ache, resisting the strain.

He was going to snap your neck.

You instantly realized; he would kill you.

You looked into the Commanders black eyes as the bridge between your minds closed abruptly. The dark energy that had fueled your willpower and your confidence disappeared as quickly as it had come. Within seconds, you were left alone and afraid.

What were you doing? Where had you gone?

You gasped as you felt yourself reenter your body. You felt as if you'd been briefly controlled by someone else. It had been you...but not you. Someone darker. Someone stronger.

Suddenly, you wanted nothing more than to be done. Done with the darkness, done with the game, done with him.

Naboo.

Naboo Naboo Naboo

You thought insistently.

The pressure around your throat dropped immediately as the force around your body was released.

You fell on all fours, gasping for air painfully. You looked at the Commander's boots. You could feel his eyes on you.

Your tears hit the concrete below you.

You didn't even know who you were anymore. Where had your mind just taken you? Who had you become? You had wanted to push him. You had wanted the control just as badly as he had.

You cried as the physical pain intertwined with the emotional pain.

He took a step towards you.

You gasped and backed away swiftly, flinching through the pain you scurried to lean against the couch.

"G-Get away from me!" You shouted at him as you shakingly looked up into his eyes. Surprisingly, they were filled with emotion, but you couldn't put your finger on which.

"Come here, pet..." He crouched down beside you, his voice suddenly soft. "Let me help you." 

Against your will, he moved around you and lifted you into his arms. You gasped painfully and began to sob harder; the tears fell against his black tunic. He fell backwards to sit on the couch, with you still wrapped in his arms.

Your thoughts bounced around your mind relentlessly as you shook against him. His scent washed over you, filling you with unexpected comfort. Conflict raged inside you as you registered the feelings.

You hated yourself.

How could you feel anything for him? After everything he'd done to you, why did you still feel bound to him?

He didn't care for you; he didn't value you. Any act of care he gave you was just another form of control. Another way to manipulate you. To own you.

He held you softly. You felt him almost speak, but he remained silent. You laid quietly against him. A single question rang loudly in your consciences.

Would he have killed you?

"I don't know..." he muttered as he brought his hand up to rub your hair. "But don't push me to it again..."

You tried to speak but you winced, your jaw stinging sharply. You nodded against him instead.

He brought his hand out of your hair and towards your face. He gently guided your chin up, encouraging you to look at him. You could feel his rapid heartbeat beneath his layers as you met his dark gaze, his lips hovered dangerously close to yours. He wiped a tear away from your cheek and stared down at it momentarily before adjusting his arms around you.

He picked you up and carried you to the staircase. Ascending up to the loft and into the refresher, he placed you gradually on your feet inside the large, glass shower.

He cleared his throat. "Will you need help?"

Your face flushed, sending a stab of pain up your jaw. You shook your head.

He nodded and stalked out of the refresher quickly, leaving the door open behind him.

Your hands shook from the pain splitting up your side as you stripped out of your underwear and kicked off your boots. You turned the water on and stood under the warm stream. The water ran red as the blood washed away from your face and neck. Your body shook aggressively.

What was happening to you?

You washed yourself quickly but stood under the water until it ran cold, trying to suppress any thoughts pertaining to the last hour. As you dried off, you walked out onto the loft, refusing to look into the mirror as you passed it.

The Commander was standing by the bed. His mask was on.

"Put these on." His modulated voice demanded. Pointing to a small stack of black clothes on the bed.

You frowned at his appearance. Moving closer to the bed, you grabbed the long sleeve, black undershirt and sweatpants.

They were his.

You unwrapped yourself from the towel and saw the Commander shift slightly in your peripherals. You quickly slid on the sweatpants and went to pull the shirt over your head. The motion of your raised arm sent a sharp, stabbing pain up your torso. You gasped out loud and dropped the shirt.

He moved quickly to your side. "Stop." He snapped.

Grabbing the shirt off the ground he pulled it lightly over your head, softly leading your arms through the long sleeves.

You looked down at yourself. His clothes swallowed you whole. Had he not nearly beaten you to death; you would have found it kind of cute.

But he had.

He pointed to the bed. "Sit here and wait..."

You crawled slowly onto the bed as he stormed down the stairs and out the door. Minutes later, he returned with someone trailing closely behind him.

A full figured, middle aged woman in black scrubs and a white coat followed behind him up the stairs. Her face was round and beautiful, and her graying blonde hair was tied in a short ponytail. 

The Commander moved slowly to the corner of the loft and allowed her to move towards the bed, coming to a stop directly in front of you.

Instinctively, you moved to stand up, flinching slightly from your throbbing side.

"Please stay still." She insisted. She leaned over the bed and offered you her hand. "My name is Dr. Rivers." She gave you a sweet smile as you shook her hand lightly. "May I examine you, Dear?"

You squished your eyebrows together and looked towards the Commander. He stood silently in the corner. You were waiting for some sign of approval. And you hated yourself for it.

Finally, he nodded his head slightly.

You looked at Dr. Rivers and mirrored his nod. "Yes."

Seeing the interaction between you and the Commander, her smile diluted considerably. She had you sit up while she inspected the cuts on your face and the old bruising on the back of your neck. She applied some ointment from her bag to the open skin around your lips and jawline. She had you lay flat on the bed as she tenderly examined your side. She pressed around strategically before opening her bag to produce a small hand-held scanner. She scanned your body quickly and studied the information.

Throughout the exam you watched her charming disposition fade significantly. She brought her brows together thoughtfully before giving you one last look over. You thought she was going to address you again, but instead, she turned towards the Commander.

"She has numerous facial abrasions and various spots of deep bruising. They will bruise further before healing, but I don't think they warrant any additional treatment."

She cleared her throat before continuing. "However, I can confirm she has at least one fractured rib with several other fractures likely."

You breathed in painfully.

He broke your fucking ribs?

You glared at him.

She continued. "No internal bleeding is currently observed and with the prescribed medication, it should not warrant any additional attention." She paused. "Although, I do recommend she take a few days to rest along with taking this medication."

The Commander stepped out of his corner stalked towards her. She handed him a bottle of pills.

"I'll see to it that she gets what she needs." He snapped.

The doctor nodded. "Very well, Sir."

She glanced over her shoulder at you one last time. Her gaze was less friendly now, her expression filled with concern. She looked at you softly and gave you a sympathetic smile before walking down the stairs and out the door.

You glared at the Commander as he walked towards you, unscrewing the cap on the pills and dumping two out into his hand.

He handed them to you.

"Take them." He demanded.

You squinted. "What are they?"

He brought his hands up to his mask and unclasped it. He pulled it away from his face and tossed it on the bed.

He knelt beside you.

"Just take them, Little One."

You looked into his eyes. They were lighter now. Hazel.

"Fine." Looking around you muttered. "Water?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Right..."

Within seconds, he was on his feet and down below the loft, rummaging around in the fridge. He returned with a bottle of water. You snatched it from him and took a sip, flinching slightly. You took the pills.

Standing to his feet, the Commander cleared his throat and grabbed his mask off the bed.

"Get some sleep..." He mumbled as he went to walk down the stairs.

To your horror, your heart sunk as you watched him walk away.

"Where are you going?" You whispered.

"To work." He snapped as he turned to face you.

You frowned. "It's nearly midnight..."

Meeting your eyes, his features softened slightly. "That doesn't mean anything to me."

Your body throbbed painfully as your inner emotions rose to the surface.

"...nothing does." You spat

He narrowed his eyes. "I'll be back later..." he pulled the mask on. "You will stay here until I return. That's an order."

His tone was hostile again. He'd shut you out. You looked down at your hands.

"Yes, Sir." You whispered.

Tears fell down your face as you watched him leave, slamming the door behind him.

You sat on the bed alone, the weight of the world on your shoulders. The pain both physical, and mental, sunk down into your soul. The silence of the huge, empty room was deafening.

He was right.

He had broken you.

You wiped the tears as they fell down your cheeks. You searched for the light inside yourself, trying to push away the dangerous darkness that hunted you. Suddenly, you knew what you had to do.

You stood to your feet quickly. Too quickly. The nearly unbearable pain stabbed your side. You didn't bother to grab your boots out of the refresher. Instead, you grabbed the bottle of pain pills and shoved them in the pocket of the sweatpants. Taking a deep breath, you straightened up and made your way down the stairs.

The Commander would be back later.

And you had to make sure you were long gone by then.

**Uh...ok so who is driving to therapy this week? I can take 4 in my car <3

***THOUGHTS?


	11. Never

**TW**: NSFW!! absolutely not safe for any work environment, literally you will be fired on the spot probably, dubious consent, Dom/sub energy, extremely detailed sexual encounters, rough sex, degradation, sexual harassment, emotional distress, Force use, men are assholes, men with bad tempers, slightly more than very problematic, kylo is mean to us, kylo chokes us but in a sexy way this time, kylo is very emotionally manipulative tho, guys kylo is not nice, he hurts us internally this time, aftercare kind of but not really, he doesn't punch us but this is somehow worse idk, he is using us like crazy and we are too dumb to see it because he's hot as shit, trust issues probably, daddy issues definitely

Guys this one is rough emotionally. Kylo takes us on a fucking emotional rollercoaster. If you have issues with that you probably shouldn't read this and no hard feelings<3 

....Otherwise, please keep your arms and legs inside the coaster at all times. And as always the comments and feedback are everything to me<3 I get so excited to see them!

**Alexa, play 'River' by Bishop Briggs** ----- No lie this is the theme song for this chapter. If you imagine the rain scene when the beat drops it will send you into the stratosphere <3 that's all **

You wobbled down the hallway and past the Knights. Your stormtroopers were waiting on you past the door, but only two of them. You assumed they had begun taking shifts.

Fuck it all.

You'd forgotten about them. How were you supposed to get away if you had constant supervision?

Your bare feet pattered against the cold floor and you quickly regretted not taking the extra time to grab your shoes.

Trying to formulate a plan, you shuffled quickly around the corridors and into the main shuttle.

Thanks to the lateness of the hour, it wasn't overly crowded. However, the few people you did pass looked at you like you were an exhibit.

You imagined how you must have looked.

Bruised and beaten, stormtroopers on your heels, and moving painfully in clothes that were obviously not yours...all while barefoot.

You knew it wasn't a good look. People would be talking about it tomorrow.

But you didn't give a fuck. You'd be long gone by then.

Your stormtroopers followed you all the way into the hallway outside your door.

This would be harder than you thought.

Once alone inside your room you sent Avery a message on your datapad.

_____________________________

Message 001486

SENT 0015

Sender: Avery Y/L/N

SOS. I know its late, but I need you.

You awake?

______________________________

Ignoring the pain in your side, you tossed the data pad on the bed and moved into the closet, grabbing a random assortment of clothing and stuffing it into a large duffle bag you had stashed in the corner.

In the refresher you grabbed your toiletries and a first aid kit, adding them to your duffle. You hobbled into the kitchen and packed a small bag of snacks. A knock at the door made you jump, you dropped the bag of food on the floor.

The Commander? You froze.

Wait, no...he'd never knock.

You went to open the door.

Avery stepped inside.

"I got your message. What's going on?"

He looked at the duffle bag on the bed and the food on the floor, before looking up at you.

As he took you in, you saw several emotions roll over his expression at the same time. Anger, sadness, understanding, more anger, more sadness. His face hardened.

"I'll help you pack..."

He leaned over and picked up the snacks off the floor before coming to wrap you into a hug. The tears came without warning as you propped against him.

"Come with me." You cried into his shirt. "Let's go home."

You felt him sigh. "You know we can't go home. That's the first place they'd look."

You pulled away from him and walked over to sit on the bed.

Was he really willing to leave all this behind for you? Go on the run with you?

You felt an immediate twinge of guilt. How could you have asked him to do that? This wasn't his battle. This was yours. And you needed to fight it alone.

"You stay here with the guys...with Mandy." You sighed. "I've dragged you too far into this shit already..."

"You can't just go alone. It's not safe." He insisted. "You would be a deserter, Ky. That's nothing to play with." He shook his head. "They'll hunt you. Kill you if they find you..."

"I know...I just feel..." you remembered the way you'd just lost yourself completely in the Commander's game. "I feel like they're killing me already..." You sighed. "Something inside me is changing. The more I'm with..." You hesitated. "...him...the more I can feel it. I need to get away from him...while I still can."

His gaze darkened as he tried to work through what you'd said. Finally he spoke.

"I'm..." His voice was quiet. "...proud of you."

You raised your eyebrows, confused.

"For leaving him..." He continued. "Proud of you for standing up for yourself, for knowing your limits. I don't want you to leave, but I know you need to..." He smiled slightly. "Also fuck Kylo Ren. Let him find someone else's life to destroy."

Against your will you imagined him with someone else. Jealously flooded your mind. Immediate, violentjealously. You felt sick.

You pushed it down.

"I wish we would've never left home..." you looked at him. "Why the fuck did we ever leave?"

He shrugged. "Something about finding adventure...I can't remember now..." he moved to sit next to you. "And we hated farming..."

You laughed, forcing a jolt of pain to roll up your ribcage.

"Farming sounds fucking spectacular right now."

He furrowed his brows as he stared at you. Taking in your condition.

You shook your head. "Don't say anything. Please. I know it's bad. I know..."

"I wasn't going to say anything." He lied. "So what's the plan. How do we get you out?"

You rubbed your face. "I only have one idea..."

Standing up, you went into the closet and returned carrying the Captain's uniform.

"I think it's time we put this to use."

_____________________________________________

You'd sent one of the stormtroopers away to tell the engineers to prepare your ship for long range travel.

The plan was straightforward.

Be a Captain. And do whatever the fuck you wanted.

At least long enough to get off base without being suspicious. The uniform would come in handy along your journey as well. Most nearby systems fell under the jurisdiction of the First Order and would recognize the insignia.

You hoped the uniform would buy you some security. You hoped. Changing into it, you put the Commander's clothes inside your bag along with the pain pills.

"You look badass." Avery walked you to the door.

You hadn't looked at yourself in the mirror as you'd changed. You were still trying to avoid seeing the extent of your injuries. Also, you didn't want to see yourself in the Captain's uniform...not like this at least.

"Where are you going?"

You had thought strategically about where to go. You needed a place you were familiar enough with so that you wouldn't get lost, but one that wasn't tied to your family in any way. You also needed access to a city port large enough that you could secure transportation to the outer rim.

"Chandrila."

He nodded. "Is that a good idea?"

Your heart palpated slightly. Maybe. Maybe not...

Was it a mistake to return to the location of your first mission with the Commander? You didn't have much of a choice. Thanks to the patrols, it was one system that you knew pretty well. You felt it was secure enough to use and you didn't have time to plan a new route. Your time window was closing rapidly.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Do you have everything?"

You looked around the room. You didn't have many personal or sentimental items. You brought your hand up to your grandmother's necklace. You'd grabbed it off the dresser before changing into the Captain's uniform.

In that moment, you had realized that you hadn't worn it all week.

You decided then that you'd never take it off again. It was the only thing you had that truly felt like yours. You felt more like yourself with it on.

"That's everything." You nodded and hugged him. "Hang out here for a few minutes after I leave...I don't anyone to see you following me. I'll get a message to you when I'm safe."

He smiled down at you and said your name.

"Give 'em hell..." He paused. "...I love you."

"Oh they're fucked." You smiled back, fighting down tears. "I love you too..."

He grinned. "We'll see each other soon, I know it."

You nodded and gave him a soft look. "I know..."

You grabbed your bag and gave him one last wave before opening the door.

You inhaled deeply, trying to channel some inner confidence. You had to pull this off.

Ok, be a Captain, be a Captain, be a Captain.

You stepped out of the room and slammed the door behind you. Rotating quickly to the stormtroopers, you dropped your bag at their feet.

"Is my ship ready?" You snapped.

"Yes, Ma'am." They looked you up and down. "The request has been made."

You nodded briskly and walked into the elevator. You motioned to the bag on the floor.

"Let's go."

The trooper on the right scrambled to pick up the bag as they followed you into the elevator.

You sighed internally. So far so good.

____________________________________________

In the hangar, you walked up to your new fleet. You ran your hand over the shiny paint.

"It's been fun..." You muttered to yourself.

Your ship was the one at the end of the row. The engineers were finishing up their preflight checks.

You glanced nervously around the hangar. You needed to get out. You'd already been gone from the Commander's quarters for almost an hour. He could discover your absence at any time. He could walk into the hangar at any time.

"Is it ready yet?" You spat at the lead engineer.

He nodded shyly, obviously trying to avoid staring at your bruised face for too long.

"Y-Yes ma'am...but ah..." He hesitated. "We don't have a long-distance manifest on file. We were unable to pre-authorize the lightspeed jump and secure a transponder code." He looked around nervously. "If you'd like I can contact the Command Center for you and—"

Here we go...

"The only thing I want you to do for me is shut the fuck up." You snapped. "This mission is confidential even to the administrators of the Command Center."

You could see the fear in his eyes at your tone. For some reason...you liked it.

"Do you remember who I work for?" You raised your eyebrows. "Would you like me to tell him that his new squadron will be delayed because of paperwork?"

His eyes widened. "N-No, Captain..." He looked around the hangar. "I just can't dispatch you for a long distance departure without a manifest..." He started to shake. "We have no way of knowing your destination and expected return..."

You glared at him.

"That's the fucking point." You took a step towards him. "This mission is to be off record. Do you understand?"

He looked around the room nervously again, trying to decide what his role was.

Adrenaline pulsed through your veins, temporarily blotting out the stinging in your side and the anxiety in your mind.

You were enjoying this.

"I see you're conflicted." You let your tone soften momentarily. "Allow me to make this easier for you..." You leaned into his ear. "If you don't clear my ship for a long range departure in the next 30 seconds..." You tilted your head. "...I'll have you killed."

You nodded to the stormtrooper behind you. He drew his weapon and aimed it at the engineer.

The engineer's face drained of all color.

"Y-Yes, Ma'am. Right away..." He scurried away from you and into the docking bay control port. He pressed a few buttons before returning to your side.

"You are authorized." He saluted. "Have a safe trip, Captain."

You nodded to him and then to your stormtrooper, signaling him to lower his weapon. You walked up to your ship and waved the troopers close.

"Bag." You demanded, pointing inside your ship.

They loaded it inside.

"I'll be back in a couple days." You lied. "Guard my room until then."

That should keep them busy.

They nodded. "Yes, Captain."

Once inside your ship you let out a deep breath. Holy shit. It had worked.

You ran your checklists quickly and powered up the engines. You engaged the thrusters for takeoff.

And then you felt the Commander. You didn't know how you felt him at this range, but you did.

Anger. Pure, unadulterated and unrestricted anger.

He knew you were gone.

You smirked as you pushed the thrusters forward and rocketed out into the night sky.

"Goodbye, Master." You mumbled out loud.

You jumped to lightspeed right above the tree line, just as you'd seen the Commander do so many nights before.

As your ship propelled itself into the blue haze, you felt another emotion roll through you.

Sadness.

But it wasn't yours.

__________________________________

Hanna City was the capitol of Chandrila.

You were certain you could find transport to the outer rim from there.

The atmosphere of the planet was covered in dark clouds. Imminent moisture hung in the air, indicating a storm was on the way. You eyed the horizon. Even in the dark, you could see the tall clouds blacking out stretches of clear sky, making their way toward the city. You calculated the storm was still hours away.

You parked in the main ship terminal and made your way to the closest cantina. You needed a pilot that wasn't afraid to smuggle you past the First Order checkpoints. From your experience you could always find traders and merchants over booze.

It was prime time at the bar. You glanced at your watch. 1am. The night was young for this bunch. As you walked into the crowded cantina you felt dozens of eyes on you. Some people nodded in your direction, others scurried to get out of your way, one person saluted.

You rolled your eyes.

This stupid uniform had already changed the way you were treated by others. It was ridiculous.

You settled into a stool at the bar.

The bartender, a greenish blue fellow with horns, approached you quickly.

"Good evening, Madam. We are honored by your presence..." He nodded towards you. "Long live the First Order."

He sounded nervous. For some reason you found yourself wishing you could peer into his mind. You wanted to know he was afraid.

What the fuck was wrong with you?

"Long live the First Order indeed..." you spat.

His eyes widened at your tone. "W-What can I get for you?" He paused. "On the house of course."

You smiled at him before you could stop it. "Lemon Drop?"

His anxiety lessened visibly. "Absolutely, Ma'am. Right away."

He shuffled behind the bar quickly. Sliding the drink to you.

"Let me know if you need anything else."

And you did.

In fact, you ordered two more shots while you sat and eyed the cantina. You strained your ears, trying to overhear conversations. Your ears scanned for key words. Pilot, merchant, smuggler, cargo, First Order, patrol, shipment.

You were beginning to consider spending the night in your ship and trying again the next day.

In that moment, a few men walked behind you, heading towards a booth in the far corner of the room. As they passed, you heard a key word you weren't listening for.

Kylo Ren.

Your head almost snapped behind you at the sound of his name. You had to remind yourself not to be suspicious.

You leaned in to catch the end of the sentence.

"...that fucker burnt it to ash. The whole house." The passing man sneered. "They had already moved but I heard he just wanted to watch it burn."

They were out of range before you could hear any more.

You hopped off the stool quickly and followed them loosely, sliding into a booth nearby. Close enough to keep yourself within earshot, you sat with your back facing them.

"...I saw Han last month." Another voice spoke now. "Out running shipments for Kanjiklub..."

"Back to his old shit again." One of the men snickered. "He split from the Princess, yeah?"

"Only because their son went bat shit crazy." Another chimed in.

"Ben's not crazy." The original voice spoke again. "He's evil. A fucking Sith Lord, I heard."

"He's a First Order Commander too..." You heard one of the men hum in agreement. "...my buddy said he saw him at the Battle of Tehar. He said he wore a mask and everything. Slaughtered the whole fucking village."

You inhaled sharply.

Kylo? Were they talking about Kylo? Who the fuck was Ben?

"Fuck the First Order." You heard one of them spit.

"Hell yeah."

"And fuck Kylo Ren."

"I'll drink to that."

You smiled to yourself. You'd found your merchants.

You stood up and walked over to their booth. Their faces dropped immediately upon noticing your uniform.

"Can I get in on that toast?" You smiled at them darkly. "Or should I get us another round?"

You turned around and waved to the green bartender. He scurried out to you quickly.

"Another round for my friends here..." You gestured to their booth. "...and one more of these." You shook your nearly empty glass.

"Absolutely, Ma'am." He nodded aggressively and paced behind the bar.

You looked towards the men.

"May I join you?"

They looked at each other, dumbfounded.

"Ah...sure." They eyed you suspiciously. One of them slid over, making room for you. You sat down right as the bartender dropped off the drinks. You flashed them another smile as you raised your glass.

"Fuck the First Order" you smirked. "And fuck Kylo Ren."

They exchanged nervous glances as they raised their glasses and clinked them against yours.

After an hour of small talk and another pitcher of beer, you'd finally convinced them to let you stow away on their ship to the outer rim.

It took a while to convince them you weren't an actual First Order Captain. You weren't technically lying because now you were officially a First Order deserter.

The bruises on your face and neck helped your case. You told them you'd been punished by the First Order for noncompliance.

Again, you weren't technically lying.

You'd had to put your TIE up as collateral, but they had guaranteed you safe passage and a place to stay once reaching the outskirts of the galaxy.

Your heart skipped momentarily as you promised your ship to these men. The Commander had given you that ship. He had it made for you. Somehow, you felt it was a symbol of his trust in you, a symbol of his strange fixation with you.

But then you had to remind yourself that it was no longer your ship. You no longer belonged to the First Order.

You no longer belonged to Kylo Ren.

Suppressing the sadness that threatened to filter into your mind, you agreed to give them the ship in exchange for their services.

"When do we leave?" you slid your empty glass to the middle of the table.

The leader of their group was an older man with a short white beard. He downed the remainder of his beer.

"0900 tomorrow, little lady." He smiled drunkenly.

You pouted. You wanted to leave now. You didn't want to wait for morning.

"No." You shook your head. "We leave tonight."

They laughed.

"You don't just jump into these things, darlin." The leader leaned over the table. "If you want to avoid the First Order then you'd be wise to do what we say."

You squinted at them. As much as you hated to admit it, you had no knowledge about the First Order checkpoints. If these men knew how to avoid them, you'd listen.

You had gotten your transportation, but you wanted one more thing from them.

"Fine." You sighed. "If I agree to leave tomorrow, then there's a question I want answered..." You paused.

He waved his hand in the air, signaling you to continue.

You cleared your throat. "Who's Ben?"

___________________________________________________

Holy shit.

You hadn't expected that.

The smugglers had worked together to tell you the story of Ben Solo.

You sat in stunned silence as you let the information sink in.

"How do you know its true?" you whispered.

The man on your right laughed. "Honey, he was born here."

Your heart skipped a beat.

"Here?"

"In Hanna City." The man nodded. "Born and raised right outside the city limits."

The leader interrupted. "Many of us in this business know his father personally." He sighed. "Han's a good man."

Your breathing shallowed as you thought about the Commander having a family. It just didn't seem possible.

"Do they still live here?" You glanced around the table. "His family?"

One of the men, an alien with a long blue snout, spoke up.

"No they moved right after he turned against Skywalker." He snickered. "Good thing too. The kid came back and burnt the family home to the ground."

You huffed lightly.

That was the Kylo you knew.

But even so, you found yourself wondering why. If the story was true, it didn't add up. Why would a kid who had everything, throw it all away?

You immediately felt there was more to the story. More that these men didn't know.

The bar was thinning out. You looked at the clock on the wall. 0300. It was time to go.

The men stood up from the table.

The leader slapped you lightly on the shoulder. "Ship bay 12, Captain. 0900. We leave with or without you." He slurred. "Bring that pretty ship of yours."

0900\. You had hours to kill.

You figured you should go back to your ship and try to sleep, but you knew you wouldn't be able to. Your mind was reeling with the details of the story.

"The family home...the one he burned down..." you called after them. "Where is it?"

They turned to face you.

The blue snouted man shrugged. "It's about 20 miles north of the city. Back in the forest below the lowest mountain peak." He shook he head. "Well...what's left of it is..."

You nodded.

You watched them leave the bar and waited a few moments before heading back to your ship in the terminal.

You sat behind the flight controls and stared at the panel in front of you. An internal battle raged inside of you.

Don't even think about it. Just go to sleep.

But something inside you compelled you. Pushed you to go find the home. Somehow, you felt it would give you the answers you so desperately wanted.

Fuck it. You had time...

You engaged the systems on the aircraft, pausing briefly as you noticed your transponder flashing.

You furrowed your brows.

That's impossible.

You didn't have a manifest or a beacon code. How could your transponder have been activated?

For a moment, you were nervous.

Had the First Order found you already?

The nerves subsided quickly as you used common sense to debunk that theory. If the First Order had activated your transponder, then you'd have been caught by now. They would have been waiting at your ship or tracked you to the bar.

It wasn't the First Order, and it wasn't you.

You chalked it up to a systems malfunction. You'd had them plenty of times before. You reached up to flip the switch off again.

You looked at your bag on the floor and then down at yourself in the uniform. The uniform had fulfilled its purpose. It was time to change out of it one last time.

Even through the alcohol and the pain meds, your side throbbed painfully as you quickly changed into a pair of leggings and a black cashmere sweater you had randomly yanked from your closet. It was one of the items the Commander had given you. You cuddled up inside it and tried not to think about how nice it was.

The engines fired up and pulled you into the air. As you zoomed over the bright city, you glanced nervously at the large storm cell still lingering to the east of your course. You still had time to explore before it hit and even if you didn't, you weren't afraid of a little rain. You pushed the thrusters forward and headed north, towards the lowest mountain peak.

__________________________________________

The remains of the cottage were relatively easy to find, even in the dark.

You were good at scanning terrain and the smuggler had given you relatively clear directions. Just as he said, the crumbling structure was located at the base of the mountain, back inside the forest, in a small clearing.

You landed your TIE in the clearing and hopped out, making your way to the remains. The bright light of the full moon, shown down ominously over the burnt beams and ash covered walls. The dark clouds were beginning to scatter overhead as the storm moved closer.

You stood in front of what had once been a small porch.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. The energy on the plot of land was strong. You felt yourself reach out and latch onto it. Your eye twitched as you began to smell the smoke. Your mind showed you clips of the structure on fire. A dark-haired figure yelled silently into the flames; the noise of the roaring fire drowned out the sound.

The smoke around the figure settled, revealing his face.

The Commander.

You watched his face as he glared into the flames. You could see his hatred. You could feel it.

You opened your eyes.

What the hell. Another vision? 

You looked up at the remains of the cottage as you thought about the look in his eyes.

Those weren't the eyes of a boy who had been given everything. You didn't believe the smugglers. He hadn't just gone crazy. Something had happened to him. Something horrible.

There had to be more to the story.

"There is."

The sound of his voice nearly brought you to your knees.

You spun around on your heels to see the Commander standing a few yards away from you. His mask was off. The Silencer was parked beside your ship.

How the fuck had you not heard him land? Had you been that caught up in the vision?

Adrenaline pushed through your body as you looked frantically at your ship, quickly calculating the distance. You knew you were not strong enough to fight him, reaching the ship was your only chance of escape.

He watched you quietly from afar as you ran through the scenarios in your mind.

You met his eyes from a distance. Your ribs throbbed painfully as fear rose quickly in your heart. He took a step towards you. The darkness hid his full expression, you could only discern his emotion from his tone.

"I won't hurt you." He took a step towards you. "I just want to talk."

You expected rage, but instead he sounded...calm.

You backed away from him and took a step laterally, still trying to mark a mental path to your ship.

"What makes you think I'm interested in talking to you?" you spat his own words back at him.

Thunder cracked loudly in the distance. You glanced up at the sky. The dark clouds were moving faster now, approaching the clearing. With each moment, the clouds covered more and more of the stars in the sky, increasing the darkness around you.

"Don't try to run, pet." He took another step closer. "You aren't going anywhere until we talk."

"I'm not your fucking pet." You snapped. "...and I have nothing to say to you."

He moved closer. You flinched instinctively.

"How did you find me?" The minute the question had left your lips you knew the answer.

The fucking transponder.

"It's hardwired isn't it?" you felt anger boil up inside. "Always transmitting?"

"And remotely activated." He smirked. "You think I'd be stupid enough to give you a fleet with no ability to monitor your use of it?"

You felt as if you'd been punched in the gut. He had let you leave, just so he could find you again. 

Had the chase been planned? Had you unintentionally played into his game without knowing it?

"You're so fucking paranoid." He snapped. "You think I planned on being here tonight?" He gestured towards the cottage, staring at you for a moment before turning slowly to look at the burnt house.

You both stood in silence as he gazed into the ash, lost in his thoughts momentarily. His back towards you now, you took another step in the direction of your ship, escape still on your mind.

"Who told you?" he mumbled.

"Who told me what?"

He motioned towards the remains again.

"Some smugglers in the bar..." you stopped walking for a moment, suddenly interested. "Is it true?"

He didn't move.

"Yes."

You squinted.

"But there's more?"

He nodded, still facing the crumbling home.

You fought down the curiosity bubbling up inside. You didn't care. You reminded yourself. You slid closer to your ship.

He turned to face you again, pulled from his thoughts immediately.

"Stop trying to run away." He spat. "Your ship isn't going anywhere."

Seeing your visible confusion, he waved you away with his fingertips. "But by all means, give it a try."

He didn't have to tell you twice. You bolted to your ship and pulled at the door. It didn't budge.

You pulled harder.

Nothing.

An invisible power held the door tightly shut.

"BASTARD." You rotated around sharply. "Let me in!"

He shook his head calmly as thunder cracked through the air again, closer this time. You could feel the temperature drop as the rain neared.

"Not until we talk, pet."

"Stop calling me that." You snarled at him. "This is fucking over; can't you see that?"

He moved closer to you. You backed into your ship and tried to yank the door open again. You grunted loudly when it didn't budge. You rotated towards him

"What the fuck do you want, then?" You snapped. "Here to break a few more of my ribs?"

He shook his head.

"Not tonight."

He took another long stride in your direction.

You began to panic. You were trapped.

"S-Stay away from me."

"I told you I'm not going to hurt you." His voice was low.

"Why?" you didn't believe him. "Aren't you angry with me for leaving?"

He stopped a few feet in front of you.

"I'm furious with you, pet." His eyes glistened darkly. "And you will be punished..." He paused. "But not right now."

You felt anger flash through you.

"Not ever." You snapped. "Are you deaf? This is over."

He sighed.

"Little Girl, do you still want answers?"

His question caught you off guard.

"W-What?"

"The questions you had for me. Do you want them answered?" His voice was smooth and relaxed.

What was his angle here?

A crack of thunder boomed right over your head as a rod of lightening scattered through the sky above, temporarily sending a white light over the clearing. The light touched the Commander's face, outlining his features.

Involuntarily, your heart fluttered.

Goddamn, that face. How did it get a reaction from you every time?

"They don't matter now..." you whispered. "It's too late."

He tilted his head. "Don't you want to know what's happening inside you?"

Your heart skipped a beat.

"Nothing is happening to me." You lied.

"Pet, I see everything you see. I feel everything you feel." His tone hardened slightly. "I know the Dark Side calls to you. I know you respond to it."

"The Dark Side of what?" You spat.

He sighed again. "The Force."

This shit again?

You felt a raindrop hit your face.

"You're crazy." You snapped. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do." He clenched his fits, growing frustrated. "You used it tonight. On me."

What? You hadn't used The Force. He'd beaten the shit out of you. You hadn't fought him off at all.

"It's not about fighting, pet."

He raised his voice. His tone more intense than before. "Have you ever wondered why you can read energy? Why you're so sensitive in an airplane? Did you ever wonder what your fucking Planesense was?" He grimaced at your word. "It's The Force. It always has been."

You felt another drop of rain hit your cheek as he continued.

"The Dark Side is calling you now." He paused. "You tapped into it tonight. You pulled your strength from it, don't you remember?"

You squinted. You did remember. The darkness had called you, fueled you. You'd felt powerful and untouchable.

Yes, but only for a moment. You reminded yourself.

"Because you're weak..." He snapped. "You need to train. You need a teacher." He stepped closer to you. "I can show you the ways of The Force."

You let his words sink in.

You'd felt the dark energy building inside of you for a while now. You were aware of its presence, but you hadn't known what it was. Had he just given it a name?

Did The Force really exist? Did you really have the ability to wield it?

"You do."

You looked into his eyes. He was only one step away from you now. 

The Dark Side? What did that even mean?

"Come back with me..." He held out his hand. "...and I'll show you The Dark Side."

The rain began to drizzle down as the storm clouds rolled overhead.

You began to shake as you felt the water roll down your hair and face. You stared at his open hand.

He was offering you power. Untapped power. Your power. But at what cost? He wanted you to come back with him and be his property? Kneel in front of his fireplace every night?

He'd shown you that you were quite literally disposable. It was only a matter of time before he went too far.

The power was no good to you dead.

Despite your better judgement, your heart fluttered at the thought of standing by his side, living in the state of power and authority you'd briefly shared with him.

The wheels in your mind turned aggressively, it was too much to register.

"I-I can't..." you let your voice trail.

Lightening filtered across the sky again, brightening the clearing once more.

The Commander's dark hair had begun to dampen and stick to the side of his face. His outstretched glove glistened with rainwater.

"Come..." His voice was different now, something had changed but you couldn't put your finger on it. It was almost as if he were pleading with you. "Let me teach you."

You shook your head as the bottom dropped out of the clouds above. Rain fell from the sky in buckets.

You yelled over the sound of the rain.

"I have to go..."

You watched his face fall slightly.

You felt the urge to cry as you watched him pull his hand back. You realized you didn't want to leave. You wanted to take his hand. You wanted everything to be ok...

But it wasn't.

"Goodbye, Commander..."

Your eyes stung as you turned to open your ship. You pulled again.

Nothing.

"Gods, let me GO!" You screamed.

He moved towards you and pushed you up against the side of your ship, wedging your body between him and the metal. He stared down at you, his wet hair framed his face and dripped down his neck.

"Never..." he whispered as he grabbed your face lightly with one hand and slipped the other around your waist.

Your heart pounded aggressively in your chest. You winced as you felt the impact of the pressure on your side.

He frowned and moved his hand lightly up your waist. You wiggled to push him off, but he ignored you.

"Stay still." He snapped over the thumping rain.

His hand slipped under your sweater and found the tender spot on your ribcage. You flinched as he gently laid his hand over it.

He closed his eyes.

And then you felt him. All of him. Reaching out into the universe. Reaching out into you. You trembled as you felt his energy flow through you.

Suddenly, your pain was gone. You no longer felt the broken ribs; you no longer felt the stinging jaw. In one short moment, it was all gone.

He had taken your pain away.

You moved your shaking hand to your lip. The previous gash was closed completely. You pressed lightly around the skin on your cheekbone. It didn't hurt at all.

You looked up into the Commander's eyes.

Hazel again.

"W-What was that?" you shook against him.

He moved his hand from your side and up to your face, holding it lightly. His eyes were heavy with an unrecognizable emotion, his gaze softer now. For a moment, he looked almost tired. You never seen him like this before.

"The Force."

Water dripped down your face as you looked up at him. He leaned in closer to you. His face hovering inches above your own. Despite the chill from the rain, you felt heat flood to your cheeks.

"L-Let me go." You whispered again. The sound of the rain nearly drowned out the words.

He shook his head as he brought his lips closer to yours.

"Didn't you hear me?" He brushed his thumb over your wet lips. "I said, never."

And then he kissed you.

Your body tensed instantly as you felt his soft lips against yours. He kissed you gently, slipping one hand behind your back and pulling you closer to him. Your heart leapt in your chest as he lightly pressed his tongue to the entrance of your lips.

You relaxed against him.

And kissed him back.

You brought your arms up to wrap around his neck, running your hands through his wet hair. You felt him tense above you from the contact and you thought for a moment he would pull away, but he didn't. Instead, he pressed into you harder, pushing you back against your TIE.

You parted your lips for him as he explored your mouth with his tongue, lightly circling yours.

You sighed against him.

He responded rapidly and picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist.

Thunder crashed overhead as lightening danced across the sky again, sending waves of light over you.

He turned around and carried you to The Silencer, leaning you back against his ship.

His lips moved feverishly; his tongue mixed with yours more aggressively. You matched his pace as the heat grew between your legs.

You were instantly filled with need. Not only sexual, but spiritual. You wanted to feel his energy again. You craved the connection; you craved the power.

And he knew it.

He pulled his lips away from you briefly.

"Tell me you want it" he growled against you.

You trembled as the chill from the rain and the heat from the moment, mixed together to send goosebumps down your arms.

You looked into his eyes and saw his power. You saw your power.

"I want it." You whispered. You didn't even know what you were referring to. You closed your eyes. "All of it."

He waved his hand in the air, opening the door to his ship. He picked you up by your waist and sat you on top of the control panel. You had to grab the thrusters to keep from falling off.

He climbed into the pilot's seat and shut the door behind him. Only inches apart, you stared at each other in silence. The only sound that could be heard was the pounding of the rain against the metal ship.

The red glow of the instrument panel illuminated the cockpit and cast shadows around the small space.

Thunder cracked again, coming more frequently now. The shimmer of the white lightening filtered randomly into the cockpit.

You watched his chest rise and fall rapidly as he looked over your dripping body. Your breathing matched his uneven pattern as you tried to catch your breath.

Your brain screamed for a moment of clarity.

Had you forgotten what he'd done to you only hours ago?

No, you hadn't forgotten. You just currently didn't give a fuck.

His eyes glistened as he read your thoughts. He leaned over and grabbed your feet, pulling your boots and socks off simultaneously. He reached up to your waist and latched his thumbs onto your leggings and underwear, pulling them down to your ankles with one sweep. He threw them on the floor behind him.

He waved his hand through the air briskly, pushing your body flatter against the panel, propping you up against the windshield. He slid your hips forward. The rain pounded the glass behind your head, filling your ears with a continuous patter.

He leaned forward in his seat, spreading your legs and bringing his face in between them.

"I fucking missed this." He closed his eyes as he breathed out. "It's all I can fucking think about."

His eyes fluttered open again, making immediate contact with yours.

"Will you be a good Little Girl and come back home with Daddy?" He asked deeply.

Your mouth went dry at the sound of his voice.

"Why don't you think about it, baby..." Without warning, he spit in between your open legs. "...and get back to me."

He brought his tongue down over your clit, using his spit as instant lubrication. You gasped loudly as he rolled over your sensitive bud, slowly working you into a frenzy.

You moaned as he found your rhythm.

"F-Fucking hell..." you sighed. "Just like that..."

He groaned against you but didn't move his mouth. He continued working you over with tongue.

Pleasure washed over you in waves. After a few moments, you felt your climax approaching. You rocked your hips to meet him, but before you could cum, he pulled his face away from you.

You wiggled in disapproval and sat up straight, nearly smacking your head on the ceiling.

You stared into his eyes as he unlatched the thick belt around his waist and pulled off his wet tunic. His long sleeved, black undershirt hugged the outline of his body.

You gaped at the way the thin, wet fabric hugged his arms and chest. You realized you had never seen this much of him before.

He slid his pants down his thighs, exposing his black boxers. Never breaking eye contact with you, he slipped one hand inside them and pulled out his hard length.

You inhaled sharply. You still weren't used to seeing the size of it.

He brought his hand over to his thigh and patted it lightly.

"Come, pet." He called you over to him.

"Sit."

Gods, his fucking voice.

Your heart hammered loudly in response. You slid off the control panel and moved to straddle him in the pilot's seat. You used your hand to position yourself over him before taking a deep breath and sinking down over it, pushing him inside of you.

You gasped as he filled you completely. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pushed yourself over him, slowly rocking yourself up and down.

He stifled a groan and brought his hands up to grip your hips, pushing them up and down, matching your pace.

You felt the pleasure return quickly as you leaned forward over him, adding pressure to your clit as you rode him.

You leaned your face against his, the rainwater from his hair dripped down over your cheek. You sighed into his ear.

He responded to your sigh.

You were beginning to know what he liked.

He moved his hands up your sides and under your sweater, tugging it up your body and pulling it off over your head. He unclasped your bra and pulled it off your shoulders.

The cool air washed over your body, hardening your nipples and sending a shiver down your back.

He returned one had to your hip, still aiding you as you rocked against him. The other hand he brought to your breast, moving over it gently and rolling your hard nipple between his fingers.

You moaned.

"F-Fuck, Kylo."

Thunder boomed around the ship loudly, partially drowning out your words. You leaned back slightly to look into his eyes.

The white glow from the lightening floated over his face, his dark eyes glistened underneath it.

Gazing into them, you felt the bridge between your minds connect. You smiled at him through the gasps in your breathing.

You felt him. His desire, his strength, his power. Everything.

The dark power that you'd only felt briefly, he lived in. You could feel it coursing through his veins, sinking into your own with every push of his body. It was his power, and yours. You wanted it.

"It's yours." His breathing shallowed. "Come take it."

Fuck, his voice again.

You leaned in and kissed him, sucking lightly on his bottom lip.

Silence.

That's better.

You felt your orgasm building again as you pushed your tongue against his. He groaned alongside you and gripped your hips with both hands. His hold was strong, you felt little tendrils of pain shoot up your hips.

And you liked it.

"Harder." You moaned against his lips.

He brought one hand up from your hips and grabbed your throat aggressively.

"Don't tell me how to fuck you." He growled.

But he listened and pushed into you harder, bringing his hips up to meet yours, gripping your hip harder in one hand and tightening his hold on your throat in the other.

His body flexed as he built to his own release. You moaned again. He slowed the pace down immediately.

"Commander, no." You wiggled your hips. "Please..."

He moved his hand from your throat and grabbed your chin, leading you to look into his eyes.

"Come back with me."

Your heart skipped in your chest at the sound of his voice.

He was manipulating you. You knew he was.

This wasn't any different than what he'd done earlier. It was just another way to control you.

You shook your head.

"No."

His face fell again, but you didn't care.

He had broken you first.

His nostrils flared as he picked up his pace again, gripping your hips tightly.

"I broke you..." He groaned into your neck. "...to build you up again. To make you stronger."

You sighed as your clit rubbed against him, the pleasure built rapidly.

"It won't be the last fucking time I do it either." He snapped in your ear.

You shivered.

"I don't..." You breathed into his neck as you rocked against him. "...need you."

He grabbed your throat again.

"But you want me."

Fuck. It didn't help that he was right.

You felt your body ascending quickly. You adjusted on top of him, pulling out of his throat hold and arching your back as you leaned backwards, gripping his knees with your hands. He held your back steady, allowing you to tilt your weight so he hit the sweet spot deep inside of you.

The way he made you feel was indescribable. The pleasure, the pain, the frustration, the passion, the hatred...all of it intertwined into a sensation you couldn't explain. You stared into his eyes as you shared the ecstasy of the moment.

He broke eye contact with you as another flash of lightening filtered through the flight deck. The white radiance fell over your arched body. His eyes trailed over your bare chest as you bounced on him. He brought one hand up to your neck and looped a finger in your necklace, tracing his fingers lightly over the black stone. He shook his head as he inhaled deeply and returned your gaze, his dark eyes glowed with approval.

He gripped your lower hips again, digging his fingers into your skin.

Your legs began to shake as your body approached its peak. The afterglow from the lightening bounced around the cockpit again.

You cried out as your climax hit and the thunder echoed you, sending tremors through the ship.

"Good girl." He moaned deeply as his own orgasm approached. "Scream for me."

The pulsing of his cock sent you over the edge. You cried out again as your climax rolled over you. You came on him violently. You trembled as you moved to wrap your arms around his neck again, using his broad shoulders as support.

He pushed deeper inside as he came with you. Pressing your hips down painfully, locking you onto his throbbing length.

You gasped again into his neck, biting down softly to stifle the sound.

His heavy breathing lifted you up and down as you laid against his chest, unable to move as you floated down from your high.

You shivered against his wet shirt, his hair dripped on the back on your shoulder, rolling water down your chest.

He released your hips and brought his hand up to rub your back lightly. He kissed your shoulder.

"Come back with me." He whispered again.

You felt tears build behind your eyes as you listened to the rain outside. You shook your head in his neck.

"I can't."

He pressed against you, lightly sliding you off of him. He fixed his boxers and slid his pants back over his hips before pulling you back down onto his lap. You sat with your legs over his as you leaned into his chest.

Your tears fell silently, soaking into his already wet shirt.

"Sleep on it..." He mumbled.

"Sleep?"

He reached down and grabbed your sweater, pulling it over your head. He handed you your underwear. As you slid them on, he leaned over and adjusted the pilot's seat, reclining it fully. He wrapped you in his arms as you laid back against him.

"Sleep, pet..." He sighed. "You still have a few hours..."

You snuggled against him. In one ear, you listened to his heartbeat, in the other, you listened to the storm rage outside.

An equally powerful storm raged inside of you.

You couldn't sleep. You wrestled with his offer. You wrestled with the concept of The Force; the concept of the Dark Side. You wrestled with the unfamiliar feelings that the Commander had sparked within you; the dark feelings, but also the light, fluffy ones. The ones that made your heart skip erratically.

But you weren't stupid. You knew he had just been using you. You knew he was currently using you. You knew what had just happened was his way of keeping his hold over you.

This wasn't your first time around the block.

One minute he was looking at you like he understood every thought that had ever been inside your head. The next, he was beating you within an inch of your life.

It was all about control. And you meant nothing to him...

But he had kissed you.

Your heart fluttered as you remembered the word he'd said.

"Never..."

He laid below you silently. You knew he wasn't sleeping, but for some reason, he respected your thoughts. If he read them, he didn't comment on them.

As your mind ran, your body felt the exhaustion of the long day. You felt yourself drift to sleep. As your eyes fluttered shut, you heard the thunder crackle one last time in the distance.

The storm was ending.

_____________________________________

The few hours of rest slipped by quickly.

You awoke to the Commander shifting below you.

"Wake up, pet." He yawned. "Time to go home."

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up on his lap. It took you a moment to remember where you were, and what had happened.

Shit shit shit.

You looked around for a clock frantically.

"What time is it?"

The smugglers had said 0900. Had you missed your transport?

He commander glared at you.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get. Out." He snapped as he opened the door.

You looked into his dark eyes.

"What's your problem?" You spat. "I told you last night I wasn't coming back with you."

"Fine." He waved his hand. "Go."

"Fine. I will." You snapped. You yanked your leggings off the floor and pulled them on, slipping your boots on quickly afterwards.

You jumped out of the ship, squinting in the morning sun. You looked around. The storm had blown debris and tree limbs all over the clearing. You walked up to your TIE and went to open the door.

For a moment, part of you hoped it wouldn't open. You pulled at the door.

It opened easily.

Your heart fell.

You heard a noise behind you and turned around to face The Silencer. The Commander was standing outside it, his tunic and belt on again.

"This is your last chance." He took a step towards you. His eyes were black. "Come with me. Let me train you."

You glared at him.

"Do I have a choice?"

He sucked on his teeth and nodded.

"It's important for the success of your training that you choose this path on your own..." he let his voice trail as his eyes darkened. You could tell he was holding back information.

"But if you do come back ..." He paused. "There's no more running." His tone hardened. "You'll submit yourself to my teaching, and to the Dark Side."

Your thoughts bounced violently in your head.

"And be your pet?"

He narrowed his eyes as he shook his head.

"My apprentice."

Apprentice?

You opened your mouth to comment but he held his hand up.

"The time for talking is up, Little One." He spat as he turned to get into his ship. You could tell his patience was wearing thin. "You need to decide."

Panic rose in your chest as you watched him climb inside.

You didn't want to lose him. Or his power.

He looked at you before shutting the door.

"Then don't."

Tears stung in your eyes as he slammed the door. You watched The Silencer fire up and rocket out of the clearing.

With shaking hands, you climbed into your ship and started the systems. You glanced at the clock. 0845.

You breathed a breath of relief. You still had time to make it to the smuggler's ship.

You advanced the power and brought your ship into the air, looking at the remains of the burnt house one last time.

You found yourself wondering again what the rest of his story was. You regretted not asking him.

It didn't matter anymore. You were leaving. You reminded yourself.

As you flew towards the city, you passed over miles and miles of damage from the storm.

Your heart fluttered as you remembered the thunder and the lightening. You remembered how it had fueled the passion from the night before, but just like the storm in your mind, it only brought destruction in its wake.

And just like the Commander, it had changed everything.

Your heart rate increased as you approached the Hanna City Terminal. You scanned for Dock 12. Sure enough, you could see the crew from the night before finishing the final preparations for your flight to the outer rim.

You felt a tear roll down your cheek.

"Fuck!" You shouted out loud. "Get it together."

What was wrong with you?

You couldn't shake the feeling that you were making the wrong decision. Your heart and mind pulled you in opposite directions.

Part of your mind still screamed at you to run. The Commander wasn't safe. He was up to something. You could feel it. Now was your chance to escape, to live a new life.

Another part of you craved him. Craved his passion and his power.

The thought of owning it yourself was enough to send you into a dark spiral. You'd never been power hungry before. But you'd also never felt the way he made you feel before.

He was violent, infuriating, and manipulative. But he made you feel alive. You somehow felt like the dark version of yourself was who you were truly meant to be. When you tapped into it, you felt invulnerable.

In fact, he made you feel vulnerable and invulnerable at the same time.

You were being torn apart.

The tears fell freely as you brought your ship to a hover over the terminal.

What if everything he had said was true? What if you did have his power. What if he could teach you the ways of The Force?

What if he cared about you?

The last thought caught you off guard. Did you want him to care about you? Did you care about him?

There was no way he felt anything for you. He was incapable of that type of emotional intimacy.

And yet...

He had come after you.

He had healed you.

He had kissed you...

He had also made a habit out of nearly killing you. It shouldn't count that he healed the wounds that he'd created...

Your hands shook at you watched the clock beep down.

0857

0858

You heard the Commander's voice in your head.

"You need to decide."

0859

Your mind replayed the kiss.

"Let me go"

"Never."

You felt frustration cloud your mind.

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

You shouted at the control panel as you pressed buttons angrily. You pushed the thrusters in and rocketed forward through atmosphere.

Past the terminal, you jumped to lightspeed.

And headed back to Starkiller.

**Ok so I was going to hold onto the first kiss for another couple chapters but when I was writing this one it just fit SO WELL. I just knew it was meant to be in the middle of a storm in front of his childhood home that he torched. Symbolic and dramatic, perfect for them! Lolol sorry not sorry.

***Also I toned down Kylo slightly in this one because I think this is absolutely the strategy he would use to get Y/N back after beating her. But fear not, he's still our violent space daddy and we will see a lot more of him. He's just smart and manipulative af and I stan

****THOUGHTS?


	12. Mine

**TW**: NSFW!! blood, burning skin, pain kink, extremely dubious consent, orgasm denial Dom/sub energy, Sub wants to die, Sub is sad, super rough sex, super rough public sex, degradation, public humiliation, sexual harassment, emotional distress, definitely some grooming here, family conflict, Sub is loosing meaningful relationships with others, Sub is actually kind of mean to the people she cares about, inappropriate Force use, men are assholes, men with bad tempers, slightly more than very VERY problematic, kylo is mean to us again, kylo hits us again, kylo throws us onto the floor, guys kylo is not nice, kylo makes us bleed, he may or may not restrain us, definitely no aftercare in this one sry, he's an asshole I know, inappropriate use of a lightsaber but not in the way you think, again this is violent and most definitely toxic.....

Ok friends this one is ROUGH again. Please do not read this if you have issues with anything listed above.

** also for legal reasons plz don't read this if you are in a tender mental state **

**AN: This is the longest one yet, and one of my favorites because I love mean Kylo...Please comment and let me know what you think! The feedback means so much to me! Also I was super excited to get this one to you guys early so if you see any grammar issues...no u don't<3 **END AN**

ALSO LAST THING: I made a playlist for this Fic! Here is the link<3 It is also posted on my page under "conversations"

The playlist may have some hints as to where the story is going;)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3KrqpKWgN7VxFV0p96dcZx?si=qRcSwkCaTcaY6aTKphfSAA

Fuck him.

How could he put you in this position?

Why did you let him put you in this position?

You hated him.

Your ship floated through the blue blur of lightspeed as your mind turned aggressively. You fought down the sudden urge to turn back to the terminal and pray the smugglers hadn't left yet.

Your decision to return to Starkiller had been impulsive. It had been reactionary.

You cursed at yourself internally.

That had been your one chance to escape the First Order.

Had you just blown your only shot of having a normal life?

You strained for a moment, trying to remember why you'd felt compelled to return to him. You remembered the night before. The way he had hurt you. The way he had healed you.

The feeling of his lips on yours...

You remembered the power you'd felt surging through him. The way he'd promised it could yours. You remembered how good it had felt to give orders; to feel the fear in others.

Fuck a normal life.

You wanted the Dark Side.

You wanted Kylo Ren.

The realization made you feel sick to your stomach. You meant nothing to him. Why did he mean something to you?

He doesn't. You snapped at yourself.

It was just sex.

Strange, violent and wildly addicting sex.

That's all.

It wasn't healthy and you knew that. But fuck was it good.

Even so, you wanted more than just sex from him. Whether you wanted to believe it or not, you found yourself equally seduced by his power, his energy.

You wanted it for yourself.

You grumbled as you exited lightspeed and drifted toward Starkiller Base. You glanced down at yourself anxiously. Your clothes were dry now but wrinkled and out of place. Your hair had dried into a matted ball. As you landed in the hangar, you adjusted the sweater and combed your fingers through your hair to the best of your ability.

To your immediate frustration, you saw your squad waiting beside the line of new ships.

Fuck. You'd completely forgotten about them. Of course with you gone they'd have no definitive instructions. You should've told them you were leaving.

You hopped out of your ship and approached the group of pilots. You saw Avery propped against his ship in the far corner. His arms were crossed, and he was avoiding eye contact with you, staring at the floor. His emotion was obvious from his body language.

He was pissed.

Fucking perfect.

One more man you had to appease.

Marco waved at you and a few of the guys smiled in your direction as you moved closer. You saw them look you up and down, obviously confused by your appearance. Frustration seeped further into your mind, unexpectedly bubbling into anger as you stopped in front of them.

Why didn't they just practice without you? Would they have just aimlessly waited in the hangar until you returned?

And why the fuck did you feel like you had to explain yourself to any of them?

You were in charge here. You owed them nothing.

It was time they understood that.

"Why the hell are you standing around doing nothing?" You glared at them.

Their expressions changed and a few of them straightened their posture.

"And why are these ships still on the ground?" You snapped. "Is it not well past your standard showtime?"

Thomas spoke up. "Dude, we didn't know where you were and—"

"I'm not your 'dude'" You interrupted him. "I'm your fucking Captain."

His face scrunched together as your words stung him. He took a step backwards and returned your glare. The rest of the men looked at each other nervously.

"The next time I'm not here, feel free to continue doing your fucking job." You paced in front of them as the rash anger grew into something more. "Don't wait for me to hold your hand and help you into your own ship."

You met Marco's eyes. His expression was cryptic. You could see the confusion and frustration lingering on his sharp features. But something else was present behind his eyes. You didn't recognize it, but it drew you in.

You turned to face him specifically.

"Do you understand?"

He nodded as his green eyes met your gaze.

"Yes Ma'am"

"Fantastic." You snapped at all of them. "Get to work. I'll check in on your progress later."

You turned to leave and nearly knocked into your stormtroopers. You hadn't even heard them walk up behind you.

"Get my bag out of my ship." You spat at them as you walked away from the pilots. "...and for fucks sake, give me a little space."

You began to storm away but stopped walking immediately as you felt his presence.

You looked over to see the Commander standing only a few yards behind your stormtroopers. He had been watching you. His masked gaze was locked onto you as he stood eerily still.

You saw your squad shift uncomfortably in the corner of your vision as they noticed Commander Ren.

Your irritation continued to build as you looked at the Commander.

You pivoted back towards your squad. "Move your fucking asses."

You knew you were misdirecting your anger, but you didn't care.

They scrambled into the ships.

All of them except Avery. He ignored you and pushed himself off his ship, walking intentionally towards the Commander.

Fuck.

Your anger immediately dissipated as pure fear took its place. You moved swiftly in front of Avery, blocking his path. You put your hand against his chest.

He still didn't make eye contact with you. You saw fury flash across his face as he stared though you, directly at Commander Ren.

"Fucking snap out of it." You whispered at him sharply. "Get in your ship, now."

His nostrils flared as he finally looked down at you. His eyes darkened.

"Why are you back?" He spat as he brought his eyes up again to stare at the man behind you. He raised his voice as he spoke so that the Commander could hear him. "What did he do?"

Your back was facing the Commander, but you could feel his anger building. You felt him take a step closer.

Heads began to turn in the hangar as random bystanders noticed the conflict brewing.

Fear gripped your heart tighter as you pressed against Avery's chest, trying to push him backwards.

"Please..." you pleaded with him. "Please don't do this, A."

"What?" You felt his body tense as he cut his gaze back to you. "I'm supposed to just fucking stand by and watch him destroy you?"

"He's not destroying me." You lied. "Everything is fine. I'm fine."

You saw his eyes water suddenly as he fought an internal battle.

"No you're not." He whispered. "You're not fucking fine."

"Avery, please..." you felt your own tears begin to form. "Please just get in your ship. We can talk about this later. I promise."

He glared at the Commander over your shoulder before looking down at you again.

"You should have just fucking left when you had the chance." He backed away from you and shook his head. "I can't support this anymore. I won't."

You tried to grab his arm as he turned to walk away from you.

"W-Wait, what do you mean?"

He yanked his arm out of your grip. "I'm requesting a transfer, Captain." He spat. "Effective immediately."

"What?" Your eyes widened. "Why?"

"If you're going to let him kill you...I'm not going to stand by and watch it happen." He spoke over his shoulder as he walked away.

You called after him, but he ignored you and stomped out of the hangar. The tears broke down your cheeks as you watched him leave.

You felt the Commander move closer to you.

"Get your Officers in line, Captain." His cold, modulated voice floated over you.

You didn't turn around.

"Fuck you." You whispered through the tears.

"What did you just sa—"

You spun around.

"I said, FUCK YOU." You shouted.

Work in the hangar stopped completely as your voice echoed through the large room. Workers in all stations eyed the encounter eagerly, awaiting the Commander's reaction.

He closed the gap between you in one stride.

"You stupid, brat." He snapped. "If you want me to fucking kill you, just ask."

"I already have." You glared up at him and wiped the tears from your eyes. "And I'm still fucking here aren't I?"

He swiped his hand through the air and grabbed you with his invisible strength, pulling you into the air swiftly. His hold tightened painfully around your body. He leaned into you.

"Let's go for a walk."

He turned to stalk away from you, but he didn't drop the pressure from your body. Instead, he waved his hand lightly and towed your levitating body behind him. Your stormtroopers didn't follow you this time. Instead, they turned and walked brisky out of the hangar in the opposite direction.

Perfect. So much for fucking security.

"Put me down." You wiggled aggressively in the air. "Damnit, I can walk."

The eyes of Starkiller watched as you floated behind him out of the hangar and into the main hallway. Hundreds of faces stared in disbelief as Commander Ren stormed through the halls, with you hovering closely behind.

"Kylo..." you whispered, suddenly apologetic. "Please put me down..." your face reddened. "People are staring."

"Good." He snapped over his shoulder, never looking at you. "If you don't shut the fuck up, they'll see more than this."

Your heart skipped violently at his tone.

He towed you through the hallways and into a narrow corridor you'd never seen before. It was deserted, but still entirely public.

He dropped you to your feet before shoving you back into the wall. Pain rippled across your shoulders where his hands had struck.

"Turn around."

His electronic voice was cold and calm.

You stared at him with wide eyes. He couldn't be serious.

He tilted his head.

"One..."

Your heart rate increased rapidly as you glanced around the small corridor. You could hear the shuffling of bodies and the sound of voices on the other side of the wall.

You shook your head no.

"Two..."

"Commander...I--"

"Three."

He grunted as he grabbed your shoulders and flipped you around violently. He placed his hand on the back of your head, pressing your face painfully into the wall. You winced as he shoved his body weight against yours, pinning you to the metal surface.

"If you talk to me like that in public..." He growled as he moved his gloved hand to find the back of your leggings. He slipped his hand underneath the thin fabric and palmed your entrance from behind. "Then you'll get fucked in public."

You felt anger ripple through you as you tried to suppress your instant arousal.

Why did this turn you on?

Avery was right.

You weren't fine. You were so incredibly fucked up.

"You're a fucking psychopath." You spat at him; your face still smashed against the wall.

You felt him force his hand between your legs, spreading them slightly from behind. He pushed his middle finger inside you. You tensed from the intrusion, letting out a small gasp as he began to rock his finger back and forth.

"...and you're a fucking dirty slut." He spat back. "Look at you...all wet for me in the middle of a goddamnedhallway."

You could hear the desire in his voice through the regulator. Your heart palpated predictably.

"I'm not..." your face flushed as you heard footsteps nearing. "...wet for you."

He added a second finger, spreading your wetness further. You bit your lip to suppress a moan.

"What was that, Pet?"

To your horror, as he spoke, a battalion of stormtroopers rounded the corner into the narrow hallway. The Commander barely reacted. He continued to slide his fingers inside you while adjusting his form slightly, draping his cape around your hips, blocking the troopers view of his working hand.

From their vantage point, it must have looked like he was simply intimidating a subordinate officer. They marched by uniformly, the leader saluted to him as they approached.

"Commander." The voice addressed him.

From your position against the wall, you couldn't see his response. It felt like he nodded in their direction. The battalion continued their march down the corridor as the Commander continued to move his fingers in and out of you.

You tried to shimmy out of his hold.

"Are you fucking insane?" you gasped at him.

"Shut up." He barked. "Unless you'd for like me to call them over to watch?"

Your heart skipped. He wouldn't

"I would."

The stormtroopers rounded the far corner, exiting the corridor.

"A pity..." He sighed. "But I'm sure there will be others along soon..."

You began to speak but you felt him adjust himself behind you as he slipped his fingers out. Without warning, he yanked your leggings and underwear down your ass. You heard him pull himself out.

You gasped in fear and anticipation. "No fucking way, Kylo. Not here"

"I said shut..." He pressed his hard length to the back of your entrance. "...the fuck up."

He pushed himself inside you.

You inhaled loudly before you could stop yourself. His cock filled you completely, pushing into your body with such force that your face rubbed painfully against the wall.

He thrust into you harder, filling you quickly with an unwelcome pleasure. You gasped again against the wall.

"Quiet, slut." He demanded. "Do you want everyone on base to hear how much you love my cock?"

You strained your eyes, searching the end of the corridor for any potential employees. Panic flooded your mind. You were getting fucked by Commander Ren. In a public hallway. If anyone saw you, there would be no way to spin it. There would be no way to deny it.

Every ounce of respect you had worked for would be gone in an instant.

"What if..." You tried to catch your breath as he pushed into you harder. "Someone sees?"

"Not my problem." He snapped in your ear. "You should've thought about that before you opened your fuckingmouth."

He moved his hand from the back of your head and down to the front of your leggings. He dipped it underneath the band and moved his gloved finger between your legs and over your clit.

You shuddered as the sensitive spot tingled under his touch. He worked his fingers over you as he pushed himself deeper inside. The added pressure from his circling finger moved you up the cliff.

"How does that feel, Pet?" He groaned quietly as he leaned against you, pushing you slightly up the wall with each thrust. "Do you want to cum?"

You bit your lip harder, tasting blood in your mouth. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing you wanted it. Of course you did. But you didn't want him to know that.

"Answer me."

You nodded reluctantly.

"No. Fucking say it." He decreased the pressure on your clit, teasing you with slight bounces of his finger.

"Fuck, fine." You whispered. "Yes. I want to cum..."

He hummed in approval as he pressed into you relentlessly, his finger continuing its pursuit. As the moments passed, you eyed the walkway religiously, searching for any sign of activity.

You closed your eyes as your body made the climb to your inevitable release.

And then you heard them.

People.

Your eyes snapped open to see a group of employees passing in front of the narrow corridor, walking from left to right.

From your position, about a dozen feet away from the hallway opening, they looked like office administrators, maybe secretaries. They were deep in conversation, shuffling through a stack of paperwork in their hands.

Your heart dropped to your feet as you saw them walk by the opening. If any of them were to look over into the corridor, you'd be seen. Easily.

Adrenaline rolled through your mind, sending your heart rate up the wall.

The Commander reacted slightly, pushing himself into you at a slower pace and bringing his helmet over your shoulder to whisper in your ear.

"Do you think they'll see us, Pet?"

He pressed into your clit again, making you shiver. You whimpered against him, the pleasure from his hand and the added adrenaline rocketed you back towards your climax. Involuntarily, you pressed your body backwards against him, inviting him to move deeper inside you again.

Your mouth went dry as you watched the group of people continue their slow path across the opening. Despite the obvious consequences, you felt the erotic adrenaline push a new feeling to the surface.

Excitement.

"You're such a fucking whore." He spat lowly in your ear. "Do you want me to make you cum in front of them?"

His voice. Even through the regulator it drove you insane.

You trembled.

"Yes, Master."

He inhaled sharply at the name and thrust into you harder, throwing your head against the wall.

What the fuck? Why did you call him that? He hadn't even asked you to.

"Because I am your fucking Master." You heard him stifle a moan as his body tensed behind you. He moved his finger from your slit and gripped your hips, breathing deeply as he came inside you. You were so close to your own release that even without his fingers, his pulsing cock was nearly enough to send you into bliss.

Knowing this, he backed out of you slightly, pulling half of his cum out to your entrance. It pooled in the lining of your underwear.

God-fucking-damnit. You should've known he wouldn't let you finish.

The group of people were nearly out of sight now, but their voices still echoed through the hallway.

He pulled out of you quickly and moved your leggings back over your hips. You heard him zip himself up before jerking you around to face him.

Your body throbbed painfully as it backed away from the climax. Your nerves tingled relentlessly, craving the release he had built for you. You shook against the wall as you felt his cum soak into your panties and seep down your inner thighs.

"Don't speak to me like that again." He snapped. "Or next time...I fuck you in the hangar."

You bit your lip again to stop it from trembling. The tears from before loomed in the back of your eyes. You stared at the floor as you watched his boots march away from you. They stopped a few feet away as he rotated towards you again.

"Oh, I forgot..." He paused; his voice sarcastic. "Welcome back."

You felt rage flash through your body. Your head snapped up, meeting his eyeline immediately.

"I hate you." You whispered.

He shrugged and turned to walk down the hallway.

"Your training starts tonight." He spat, his back facing you as he stalked down the corridor. "I'll send the droid for you when I'm ready."

He rounded the corner without looking back.

_____________________________________

You sat on the floor of your shower.

The water ran down your naked body as you stared blankly at the tiled floor.

Various emotions rolled through your mind, yet you felt nothing. Your tears fell silently as you tried to work through the void inside you.

You felt used.

Manipulated.

Why had you come back?

At the time it had felt like the right decision, but now you just felt stupid.

You closed your eyes and let your mind drift. Long moments passed as the water ran cold, sending a shudder down your body.

You rocked back forth on the floor.

Get up. Get dressed. Go to work.

Get your shit together.

Get up. Get dressed. Go to work.

Get your shit together.

You chanted to yourself internally as you hugged your body.

You inhaled deeply and opened your eyes.

Standing to your feet, you turned the water off and grabbed a towel. Your anxiety rose unexpectedly as you passed the mirror. You averted your gaze, being careful not to catch a glimpse of yourself.

You stopped walking as you realized something...

You hadn't looked in a mirror since the Commander had beaten you.

Why didn't you want to see yourself? He had healed you, right?

You brought your hand to your face and trailed your fingers over your lips. The previous gashes were closed.

You fought back sudden anger. Your physical wounds may have been healed, but your emotional ones were raw and bleeding.

Had he healed you to gain your affection? To try and earn your trust? To convince you to return with him?

Whatever his reasoning had been, it had worked. You'd fallen for it.

You hated yourself for being so naïve, so easily manipulated. You'd known the whole time he was insincere, but you couldn't help that you were drawn to him. You couldn't help the strange magnetic pull that seemed to tie you together.

When you were with him, you felt more like your true self than ever before. With each passing moment, you felt like you were changing into a more powerful version of yourself, becoming more like him.

And deep down you liked it.

But you didn't want to watch it happen.

You walked past the mirror quickly.

Avery didn't want to watch it happen either.

He'd left you. Abandoned you.

The anger flared up again, but you pushed it down. Your temper was getting harder to control. 

You needed to talk to your brother, change his mind.

You moved into the closet and went to pull down a flight suit but paused, staring at the wall of garments. You ran your hand along the black fabric and let it stop over a pair of leather pants. They were tailored to look like leggings, cut thin down to the ankle with a high waist.

You sucked on your bottom lip lightly. It wouldn't hurt to try them on. You slipped them on over your underwear and immediately regretted it.

They were amazing. Flexible, tailored and somehow professional, the pants hugged your body perfectly, rising up over your belly button, and stopping right above your ankles.

In the same section of the closet, you found a cropped black t-shirt. Pulling it on, it hit right above the waist of the pants. A slight bit of your upper stomach showed between the garments if you raised your arms or moved slightly.

You ran your hands along the garments again, stopping now over a long, black cardigan. It was soft, maybe cashmere, just like the sweater you'd worn earlier. You slipped it on and realized it as longer than you thought. The bottom of the oversized cardigan brushed the back of your calf muscles.

You eyed the row of shoes, intentionally redirecting your gaze from the broken heel still stuck in the wall. You picked up a pair of sleek, high shine black stilettos. The glossy pointed heels looked dangerous and expensive. They were higher than you were used to, but when you slipped them on you felt strangely comfortable.

You untucked your necklace from the black t-shirt as you looked down at the mix of luxurious, black fabrics. You smiled lightly. You didn't need a mirror to know how fucking cool you looked.

Why couldn't you wear this stuff? You were already flying his ships. Wearing the clothes wouldn't make you any more or less under his control. If the Commander was going to use you either way, you might as well enjoy the few perks that came along with it.

You twirled around in the closet; the cardigan flowed behind you freely. You smiled again.

Would he like it?

The thought came without warning. The smile faded off your face immediately.

Fuck. Why did you care?

You kicked the heels off and shook your head, trying to stop the train of thought before it led you to an answer.

You spent the next few minutes blowing out your hair in the refresher, trying to avoid the mirror and the unwelcome thoughts.

Smoothing your hair into waves, you decided to skip the makeup. You still didn't want to look at yourself and besides, you didn't need it; you already looked the part.

What 'part'? Your subconscious snapped at you. The part of Kylo Ren's bitch?

You flinched as you hurt your own feelings.

Gods, take it easy. You coxed yourself. You weren't his bitch.

You were his Pet.

A slight smile crossed your lips as you made yourself laugh out loud. Shaking your head, you left the refresher and slipped the heels back on.

You were going crazy.

You needed to talk to someone.

Ideally, a professional. Your subconscious lashed out again.

You clipped your badge on the bottom of the crop top and walked out the door. Avery's room was two doors down. You knocked on the door aggressively.

"Ace, let me in." You snapped. "We need to talk."

No response.

You leaned in and pressed your ear against the door. You heard muffled voices on the other side. You banged on the door again.

"I can hear you." You sighed. "Stop ignoring me."

Nothing.

"Dude, I swear to the gods I'll transfer you to sanitation if you don't open this fucking door."

A few seconds passed before you heard movement behind the door. It clicked open.

Miranda walked out.

She was in her scrubs. Her shoulder length, curly hair was pulled into a half bun. You had always admired how perfect her natural hair was. It was effortlessly shiny and voluminous. The warm undertones of her brown skin complemented her dark hair and kept her in a perpetual glow. From the look of her uniform, you could tell she had just come from work, probably an overnight shift. You could tell she was tired, but even still, she was strikingly beautiful.

She gave you a light smile.

Your heart leapt immediately. You hadn't seen her in weeks. A wide smile broke over your face as you pulled her into a hug.

"Mandy, I'm sorry. I thought you were Avery." You paused as you released her. "Is he inside?"

She looked you up and down, her light brown eyes zig zagged over your face, down to your shoes and back.

"Yeah, he's inside." She sighed finally. "But Ky, he..." She hesitated. "...he doesn't want to see you."

You felt your face fall as you looked at her expression. She looked exhausted. Mentally exhausted.

You knew the feeling...

You felt a spike of frustration.

"I don't give a shit what he wants." You spat. "He can't just quit. He can't just walk away from me—"

She shook her head, interrupting you.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on here..." she gestured to you. "...but whatever it is has gotten him really worked up. I think it's best if you give him some space..." She paused. "...for now." 

You tried to keep yourself from glaring at her. Sensing your frustration, she smiled at you again.

"Why don't we go catch up instead? We could go get a coffee...maybe brunch?"

The mention of food sent your mind into a haze. You were hungry. When was the last time you'd eaten? You couldn't even remember.

"Ok..." You nodded. "Brunch."

__________________________________

You didn't want cafeteria food to break your unintentional fast. You decided to go to a small café in the commercial district.

You sat a window table with Miranda. You watched the snow fall outside the pane as you sipped on your latte. Your stormtroopers had returned to your service and waited patiently outside the café.

Miranda stared at them through the window.

"Ok, bitch." She motioned to them and then down your body. "Explain."

You laughed. "You're the only bitch I can see around here..." you glanced sarcastically around the room. "Taking my brothers side instead of mine."

You were kidding. Kind of.

"I can't take sides." She narrowed her eyes. "Because I don't know what the fuck is going on. I haven't heard from you in weeks and suddenly everyone is talking about you..." She paused. "...and I mean everyone."

You sucked on your bottom lip nervously. What had she heard?

"What have you heard?" You asked too quickly.

"How about you just tell me the truth..." She raised her eyebrows. "And we can skip the rumors."

"I can't tell you."

You meant it. Having Avery know had already proven to be too much of a liability. You couldn't risk pulling anyone else into your mess.

"Fine." She sucked on her teeth. "Are you fucking Kylo Ren?"

Your heart nearly stopped.

"What?" You felt your pulse increase. "Is that what people are saying?"

She nodded. "That's what I've heard."

You tried to keep your tone neutral. "Well that's insane. Why would I do that?"

"I don't know..." She shrugged. "...but you didn't answer the question."

Fuck.

"I'm working for him." You played it off. "I got a promotion. He wants an air defense squadron and he put me in charge of it."

"Yeah, I heard about that too." She nodded again before smirking at you lightly. "But Kyber, answer the goddammed question." She leaned over the table. "Are...you..." She paused slightly in between the words. "...fucking...Kylo Ren?" 

You swallowed visibly.

"No."

A smile broke over her face. "Liar. You are, aren't you?"

You felt your face flush as you looked around the café nervously. "I don't know what you're talking abou-"

She smirked at you, seeing through your lie. "Well, how is he?"

"Good Gods..." you buried your hands in your face but couldn't help but smile.

Her smirk disappeared almost instantly as she gauged your reaction. She suddenly looked concerned. "Wait, if you are fucking him...then is it all true?"

You scrunched your face in confusion.

She looked away, seemingly embarrassed. "Some of the nurses said Commander Ren called a private doctor to his quarters last night. They said he had nearly beaten some girl to death..."

You felt your anxiety rise promptly. She noticed the shift in your body language.

"People are saying..." She sighed. "...that it was you..."

You chewed on your bottom lip, trying to think on your feet. "Why would they say that?"

She shrugged. "Some people said they saw you with a bloody face shortly afterwards..." She looked you up and down. "But you seem fine to me so...I'm not sure..."

You faked a laugh. "Well, you can't believe everything you hear, right?"

She squinted at you, clearly suspicious. "I guess not..."

You both sipped your coffee in silence. The unanswered question still hung in the air.

You knew you had to give her something. You had to give her just enough to keep her from prying deeper. She couldn't know everything...but you could confirm what she already knew. It would make her feel like she was in the loop without actually giving her any additional information.

You placed your cup down firmly.

"I'm fucking him."

She beamed at you. "I knew it!" You could see the wheels turning in her mind for a second as she did the math. She scrunched her brows. "Wait...why?"

"It started after the promotion." You faked a playful shrug. "It's nothing serious...it's just sex."

She poked her lip out slightly before nodding. "Ok well...is it good at least?"

You couldn't fight down the sly smile that spread automatically to your lips. "It's the best I've ever had..." you admitted reluctantly.

Her eyes lit up. "Fucking tell me everything. NOW." She took a bite of her bagel and talked between munches. "Is he packing? He is right? Somehow I could have guessed that...I bet he's into some freaky shit..."

You choked on your coffee as you laughed a real laugh for the first time in weeks. "You have no idea." You giggled as you grabbed a napkin to clean up the coffee you'd spit out onto the table.

She giggled manically. "You're fucking insane."

As you laughed together at the small table the world around you seemed to brighten in shade. The invisible weight on your shoulders lessened as the burden of your situation seemed to lighten.

You would be ok.

You talked about the Commander, and she absorbed every word. You didn't mention the arrangement or the violence, you just talked to her about him as if he were any other man you'd been with. She listened intently and asked questions once in a while, some you answered, and others you deflected.

"Do you think he's done this before?" She asked casually as she handed off the empty plates to the passing cleaner droid.

You gave the droid your coffee cup. "Done what before?"

"Fucked an employee."

Your heart took an unexpected dive.

"I--" You paused, your brain running through the likelihood. "I don't know..." You felt your expression fall as you thought about him having pets before you.

You felt a violent emotion rip through you.

Jealously.

She noticed the shift in your energy.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked..." She hesitated. "Wait, do you actually...like him?"

You shook your head too quickly.

"Of course not, I just--" you fidgeted in your seat. "...haven't thought about that before. I'm sure he has." You went to stand up from the table. "I doubt I'm the first and I probably won't be the last."

Your own words stung your heart. You changed the direction of the conversation

"Thanks for being here with me..." You smiled at her as she stood up with you. "It's nice to actually be able to talk about this out loud."

"We aren't even close to being done talking about this." She hugged you and whispered in your ear. "And I know there's more you didn't tell me..." She squeezed you lightly. "Don't get in over your head, babe..."

You felt the urge to cry, but instead, you returned her squeeze playfully.

"I'm fine..."

"Well I'm here if you need me." She backed away. "And so is Avery...I think he just needs some more time..." She stared at you for a moment. "He knows more doesn't he? The things you didn't tell me..."

You nodded slowly, pushing down the tears again.

"No, it's fine. You don't have to say anything." She waved her hand. "But let's do this again soon, K?" She smiled. "I've missed you."

You returned her smile slowly. "I've missed you too..."

She looked you up and down. "I love the new clothes by the way." She paused. "From the Commander?"

You nodded again, still unsure how to feel about wearing them in public.

"Well you look incredible." She winked. "Give him hell."

You smiled at her and watched her leave the café. She shuffled down the sidewalk and headed towards the hangars. Glancing down at your watch, you sighed loudly.

Back to work.

_________________________________

You spent the rest of the day in and out of your ships. Initially, the men were less than happy to see you after you'd blown up at them earlier. But after a few hours of giving them instruction, most of them had warmed up to you again. With the exception of Thomas. He refused to make direct eye contact with you and took your instruction silently and reluctantly.

You tried not to let it get to you. He'd get over it.

Following the same schedule as the day before, Marco was your last flight of the evening.

When you landed in the hangar you were surprised to see your stormtroopers weren't waiting on you. Instead, MD-80 stood patiently by the row of TIEs.

Fuck.

You knew what that meant.

Marco offered you his hand again, helping you down out of the ship.

"You know I can get down myself." You snapped at him. Your nerves from seeing the Commander's droid triggered your sharp response.

"I know." He smiled at you, ignoring your tone. "That's why I like it when you let me help."

His soft words surprised you. Throughout the whole flight, he'd been nothing but respectful and professional. Now that you thought about it, it wasn't like him at all.

You narrowed your eyes.

"What's your angle here, Mag?" You snapped again. "Is this your new way of making fun of me?" You yanked your hand from his as soon as your heels hit the floor. You adjusted your tone to be condescending, pouting a little as you spat the end of the sentence. "Are you angry I yelled at you?"

"No Ma'am." His green eyes sparked slightly. He reached out and grabbed your hand again, pulling you around to face him. "Truthfully...I kind of liked it."

Your heart skipped a beat.

"You like to be berated by your Captain?" You spat through the flutter inside. "That sounds like a personal problem."

"What can I say..." He shook his head as he tugged you closer to the side of the ship. He leaned against it. "I have an obvious distain for management."

You glanced at MD-80 nervously. He was facing away from you, propped up against the docking bay.

You pulled your hand from Marco's again, but stayed facing him.

"I know that." You swallowed quietly, trying to maintain your sarcastic demeanor. "But I didn't know you got off on being yelled at by commanding officers."

"I never said anything about other commanding officers..." His eyes locked on yours. "But you..."

Against your will, you felt your pulse quicken under his gaze.

"You're good at this job and it fits you perfectly." He smiled slightly. "You're brilliant and powerful. It radiates off of you..."

You saw him reach for your hand again. This time, you let him take it.

"I like to see you take charge..." He wrapped his fingers in yours. "It's...sexy."

You shook your head but made no attempt to pull away. "Let go..."

"What if I don't?" His eyes sparkled again. "Will I get in trouble, Captain?"

Your mouth went dry as you understood the innuendo. Suddenly, an uninvited visual manifested in your mind.

You commanding him to his knees, pulling his face between your legs, demanding that he make you cum. Pushing him to the ground, straddling him, grabbing his throat and—

The fantasy played in your mind and triggered the flood of warmth to your lower body. Were you capable of dominating him? Were you capable of doing the commanding? Giving the orders instead of taking them? You gave him a seductive smile.

Fuck yes you were.

"Yes..." you breathed. "You'll get in trouble."

His eyes glistened.

"Then no."

Your heart pounded loudly in your chest. You glanced over your shoulder. MD-80 was still staring into the distance, tapping his foot impatiently.

You took a step closer to Marco and took his other hand, placing it on your waist. You looked him directly in the eyes as you moved his hand up to the bare skin under the cropped T-shirt. You felt a strange confidence fall over you.

"Touch me." You demanded.

You saw his breathing slow as his eyes locked onto yours. You could nearly feel the power you had over him. His hand explored your waist carefully, feeling around the nape of your back and down your side. You felt him tense when he reached the underwire of your bra.

He looked at you, his eyes asking for permission.

Suddenly, guilt threatened to pull you from the moment.

Why did you feel bad about this? You may be fucking the Commander, but it was only a business deal for him. Surely, he didn't care what you did on the side...

You struggled internally for a moment. Your body screamed at you to continue toying with Marco. You liked the power it triggered. But your mind told you that you'd already fucked up for even letting him touch you.

Fear washed over you quickly as you thought about what the Commander could do to Marco if he found out. Your fantasy shattered instantly.

"No..." You shook your head. "I'm done here."

You pulled away from him reluctantly. The desire in your lower belly growled hungrily as you back away, but your newfound confidence remained.

"And for the record, when I say let go..." You narrowed your eyes. "I mean let fucking go."

You saw him swallow noticeably.

"Yes, Ma'am..."

Your pulse elevated slightly at his tone. It was sexy and submissive.

To you.

He needed to leave. Now.

You jerked your head towards the door. "Get the fuck out."

His face flushed slightly, the sudden change in your demeanor had surprised him. Noticing his confusion, you smiled at him, trying to ease the obvious sexual tension you'd created. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Uh...right, ok." He nodded and sucked on the inside of his cheek, smirking slightly before turning to walk away. He whispered over his shoulder. "Goodnight, Captain..."

You tried to even your breathing as you watched him walk out of the hangar.

Holy shit, what was happening to you?

"Mistress..." The droid's voice made you jump. You turned around swiftly to see MD-80 standing behind you.

"Commander Ren requests your presence."

You swallowed loudly and nodded. "I figured that..."

He teetered away. "Follow me, please."

You trailed behind him through the hallways, up to the Commander's quarters. The Knights nodded to you as you walked past them. You held your head high, trying not to show the fear they sparked inside you.

MD-80 stopped outside the door and stood next to the Knights. He waved you through the entrance.

You'd be making the rest of the journey alone.

You took a deep breath and walked into the long, glass hallway. The door slid shut behind you, darkening the small hall. The familiar moonlight washed over you. Your heels clicked loudly on the concrete floor as you made your way to his door.

You ran your ID over the keypad and walked into the room.

The moonlight filtered through the large glass wall and mixed with the glow of the fireplace, covering the room in soft, dim lighting. You searched the space in front of you. You didn't see any sign of the Commander. You sighed and went to sit on one of the black couches.

You felt him all around you. His presence was heavy and loud. You looked around again. You still couldn't see him, but you felt him.

So you felt him now even when he wasn't there?

You looked nervously around the room for a third time. It was empty and immaculate. Your blood from the previous night had been cleaned and the books were back on the shelf. The space between the couches stood out to you as you remembered the Commander's request.

"Kneel"

You shuddered lightly as you remembered the tone of his voice.

You fought an internal battle as you stared at the space where you'd kneeled. He would be expecting you to be in that same position when he arrived.

Fuck that. 

You leaned back on the couch. Minutes passed as you waited anxiously. The fire burned slowly as you let your mind drift. You thought about the day.

Avery leaving you. Miranda talking with you, Thomas being a little bitch, Marco...

No. Don't think about that. Not here.

You blocked out the memory before it could replay.

You didn't know what the Commander would do if he found out what had nearly happened, but you had a feeling he wouldn't like it.

You pushed it down as you watched the fire burn, but your brain continued to run though the likely scenarios. How could you keep it from him? He claimed your mind just as frequently as he claimed your body.

You looked at the floor. Maybe if you put him in a good mood, he wouldn't pry too much.

But how could you put him in a good mood? Had you ever even seen him in a good mood before? What did he even like?

He liked controlling you. You reminded yourself.

Damnit...You knew what you had to do.

You swallowed your pride and stood up from the couch. You walked in front of the fireplace and knelt to the floor. You spread out the cardigan around you and sat back on your heels. The sharp stilettos made it difficult to relax.

You grunted, irritated by the position already. You moved to slip the heels off.

"Keep those on."

His voice echoed through the room.

Your heart jumped in your chest as you jerked your head around swiftly, trying to find the source. At that exact moment, you heard movement coming from the loft. You looked up and to the left nervously, already aware of what you'd see.

The Commander stood on the loft; his hands were spread out as they rested on the iron railing. His dark hair hung around his face as he looked down on you.

Fuck.

"That took way too long, Pet." He shook his head as he jerked his hands from the railing and began a slow walk down the stairs.

How long had he been up there?

You knew the answer as soon as you asked. He'd been up there the whole fucking time. Waiting on you to kneel.

You felt sick to your stomach as you heard him walk up behind you.

"Why do you find yourself incapable of accommodating a simple request?" He stepped around you.

"I-I'm sorry, Comm-"

He knelt down in front of you and grabbed your jaw.

Your heart dropped as you registered his anger. You felt regret flood over you. How had you gotten yourself back into this situation? Would he beat you again? And then heal you, and then beat you again?

You didn't know how many cycles of abuse you could take.

He huffed and stood to his feet.

"You're so fucking dramatic." He walked over to the fire and clasped his hands behind his back. "But there is something I'm curious about, Pet..."

Your heart rate increased as you watched the glow of the fire dance across his silhouette.

"What happened today that you don't want me to see?"

You tensed immediately. Of course he had heard you. Of course he felt you trying to block him out. You tightened the restraints in your mind, building up the mental brick wall you'd tried to use when you'd first met him.

You saw him slip off his gloves and toss them on the couch.

"You know that doesn't fucking work." He spat. "I'm going to ask you one more time to give it to me, Little One. Before I take it myself..."

You took a deep breath and tried to keep your mind blank. You wouldn't give him anything willingly.

He growled and waved his hand through the air, pulling you into a slight hover. Your heels dangled over the ground as he turned to face you. He extended his hand and reached out toward your face.

"This is going to hurt, Pet." He tilted his head slightly. "I'll try not to enjoy it..."

You went to speak but stopped suddenly. Blinding pain split through your head as you felt him force his way into your mind. You tried to push against him, but that only made it worse. The agonizing force probed your thoughts, pulling the events of the day into your immediate memory. 

You felt yourself cry out from the pain.

"Hush, baby." He murmured. "I'm almost there..."

He shuffled though your day until he found the exchange with Marco.

You felt his anger build as the interaction flashed through your memory. All of it. You felt Marco's hand on your waist, his fingers in yours, you felt the heat that had been between your legs...

Unwillingly, you relived the fantasy of dominating him, making him kneel, pushing his head between your legs, straddling him...

"Enough." The Commander growled as he pulled his force from your mind. You gasped as your head throbbed painfully.

You felt the Commander's rage grow as he turned away from you quickly. He yanked his cloak off and threw it on the floor. He pulled his weapon from his side and jerked his arm as he ignited the saber.

You felt the color drain from your face. You'd never seen his weapon in action before. The red blade crackled loudly, glistening like the flames of the fire behind him. You gasped as he turned it towards you, blade extended.

"Kylo, what the FUCK?" You screamed at him as you tried to wiggle out of his invisible hold.

He didn't speak. He just glared at you. The red glow of the saber reflected in his black eyes. You felt the heat from the gleaming blade as he brought it closer to you.

"W-What are you doing?" Your voice trembled as you as you locked onto his gaze.

As he met your eyes, his intensity decreased slightly. He growled as he pivoted sharply and swung the blade through the closest couch. You watched in terror as he brought his weapon down over and over, grunting violently as he moved with the powerful saber.

A scent of burning leather filled the air as feathers floated by your face. You felt tears fall down your cheeks as you watched him.

He was terrifying. His rage made him erratic, unstable.

How had you not seen it before?

There was nothing soft about him. There was nothing human about him.

After a few moments, he stopped swinging. He stood with his back to you, breathing heavily. He flicked the hilt of his weapon through the air, sheathing the blade again. He threw it on the remaining couch and swung around to face you. As he turned, the force holding your body released you, dropping you lightly to your feet.

Your body shook as you looked at the remains of the couch.

"How many times do I have to fucking say it." He took a step towards you. "You belong to me..." He brushed his hand along your jawline before grabbing you violently by the chin.

"Exclusively." He spat. "Do you understand?"

You continued to shake as you felt his hand on your chin tighten painfully.

"Y-Yes, Commander." You whispered.

He extended his fingers and palmed your face, pushing you violently to the ground. You fell to the floor at his feet, your jaw stinging slightly from the force of his push. You could see the wheels in his mind turning behind his black eyes as he looked down at you.

"Stay."

You tried to even your breathing. You wouldn't let yourself lose control this time. You wouldn't stand up to him. Last time he had nearly killed you for it. You wouldn't make that mistake again.

You would listen to him. You stayed down.

"It's too late to be a good girl today, Pet." He snapped over his shoulder as he walked away from you.

You heard him rummage around in the corner of the room, out of your line of sight. After a few seconds he returned to stand behind you, holding something in his hands you couldn't quite make out.

"Come." He snapped as he walked towards the kitchen.

Your legs shook slightly as you stood to your feet and followed him under the loft. You strained your neck, trying to catch a glimpse of his hands. He set the mystery something on the kitchen island and turned to face you.

"Take your clothes off."

Your heart skipped.

"W-What?"

"Take your fucking clothes off." His voice lowered. "I won't ask you again."

You felt your pulse quicken. Predictably, your body responded to the sensuality in his dark tone. You felt your breathing slow as you contemplated his demand.

You would listen to him. You weren't dying tonight.

His eyes narrowed.

"That hasn't been decided yet, Little One."

Fear clouded out the desire that grew within you. You shrugged off your cardigan, dropping it to the floor. You felt his eyes on you as you kicked off your heels and brought your hands to the top of the leather pants. You pulled them down and kicked them to the side. Pulling your t-shirt over your head, you were left in your underwear.

He took a step closer to you, his eyes bounced hungrily over your body.

"Keep going." He demanded. His voice cold.

Your hands shook as you unlatched your bra and tossed it away. Taking a deep breath, you locked onto his eyes and looped your thumbs in your underwear, pulling them to the floor.

Now completely naked, you stood in the entry of his dark kitchen. You could feel the heat from the fireplace on your bare ass, but you still shivered under his intent gaze.

He kicked the heels towards you.

"Put these back on."

What the fuck...

You wanted to fight him on it, but the intensity in his eyes warned you against questioning him. You stepped into the heels again and saw him shift. His eye twitched slightly as he took you in.

He turned around and grabbed the mystery something off the kitchen island. As he moved to walk back to you, you finally got a look at what was in his hand.

Rope. Black rope.

You inhaled sharply.

He unraveled the rope and tossed it over his shoulder. He looked up over your head and grabbed your waist, repositioning you directly under the iron supports for the loft above. He rotated your body so that your back was to the kitchen and your body faced the fireplace and remaining couch.

He stepped in front of you, casting a shadow over your frame. Even with the heels on, he towered over you. He brushed his hand along your neck lightly.

"You're mine." You could hear the lingering anger in his voice. "Only mine..." Although the volume of his voice was low, his tone was anything but soft. The words were saturated with aggressive, dominant emotion.

"Give me your wrists." He snapped.

"W-What are you going to do?" you whispered. Anxiety rolled through you as you eyed the rope.

He glared at you. "That depends on how well you listen..."

You swallowed loudly and held out your wrists. You knew better than to push him on it and despite yourself, you felt your thighs clench in anticipation.

He wrapped the end of the rope around your wrists, binding them together in an expert knot you didn't recognize.

He took the other end of rope and tossed it over the iron support beam above your head, pulling it back down quickly. As he pulled tension into the rope above your head, your wrists pulled your arms into the air, suspending them over your head. He pulled the rope down further until you were stretched upward by your wrists. You balanced lightly on the balls of your feet in the high heels.

He looked you up and down. Satisfied by your position, he tied the end of the rope to the closet support pillar, being careful to keep the tension so your arms stayed suspended.

You trembled again as he moved closer to you. He trailed his middle finger down your cheek and down to your throat, continuing over your necklace and down to your breast. He brushed over your nipple, circling over it lightly.

"You look so fucking good like his..." He breathed. "When are you going to act as good as you look, Little Girl?"

His voice. It drove you insane.

You felt your body respond immediately. Wetness grew between your legs as you looked at him, his dark gaze still lingered over your body. You hesitated to give yourself over to your arousal. Fear filtered into your heart as you felt the bridge to his mind forming rapidly. You felt his emotion.

He was furious with you.

He nodded.

"Yes I am..."

He circled you slowly, walking around your body intentionally.

Without warning, he brought his hand down sharply over your ass.

You gasped as the pain spread rapidly, stinging down your leg. It hurt, but compared to what he'd done before...it wasn't that bad. To your absolute horror, you felt yourself wish briefly that he had hit you a little harder.

He growled behind you. "I decide how hard I hit you."

You trembled again, fearful that he would take you up on your impulsive wish. But he let it go, already moving on to the real purpose behind your restraints.

"Do you really want to fuck the pilot, Pet?" He snapped in your ear. "Or do you just want someone to kneel in front of you..."

He dropped to his knees, kissing down your body as he lowered himself in front of you. He moved one of your legs over his shoulder, kissing up the inside of your thigh.

"Is this not enough?" He mumbled as he moved his mouth up to you, lightly blowing over your already throbbing clit.

You trembled as he brought his tongue over you gently, rolling it slowly over your sensitive spot. He alternated the pressure until he had you squirming above him.

You gasped loudly as the pleasure built.

"I want to make you cum, baby. I do..." As he spoke, he dropped your leg and stood to his feet "...but I need you to do something for me first."

You sighed angrily.

You should have known.

He ignored your thoughts.

"Tell me that you're mine..." He demanded. "...that you're only mine."

You pouted slightly as you stared up at the rope.

"I think it's fairly obvious that I'm yours." You breathed.

He shook his head. "I'm not so certain..."

You felt heat rush to your face. He was talking about Marco. About the fantasy.

His face hardened. "Don't fucking say his name again."

"I didn't say anything." You glared. "I can't help that you won't get out of my head."

He growled as he moved on you. "Your mind belongs to me." He grabbed your throat swiftly. "You're my apprentice now, don't you remember?"

He tightened his grip, cutting off your air supply.

"And you're going to be loyal to me, Little One."

You wiggled against the restraints, still straining to breathe under his grip.

He jerked his hand away from your throat, allowing you to fill your lungs with oxygen again. He took a step back and stared at you as you tried to catch your breath. His eyes locked onto your chest as is moved rapidly.

At that exact moment you felt a force touch you. Down there. A smooth circular pressure rotated around your clit.

Sweet fucking gods...

You moaned quietly.

He smirked. "I thought you might like that."

He brought his eyes up to yours again and slowly brought his hands down to unzip his pants. Your heart pounded more aggressively as he pulled himself out.

He smirked at you again, the light from the fireplace behind him flickered up the side of his face, leaving half of it in the shadows.

He rubbed his hand up and down himself as he continued to roll the invisible force over your clit. You felt your legs clench automatically.

"Do you want this, Little One?"

You whimpered as the pressure on you increased. The edging he'd given you earlier had your body highly responsive. You moaned again, already close to climax. You felt your obvious wetness soak down your inner thigh

You were ready for him.

You nodded. "Yes, Commander."

He shook his head as he looked down at you. He tucked himself back inside his pants.

"That's too fucking bad."

The force around your clit vanished. You gasped as your pleasure disappeared abruptly.

You felt unexpected tears pool behind your eyes as your body throbbed painfully.

"Kylo, pleas-"

He moved so quickly you didn't see his hand coming. His palm connected with your cheek directly. He had slapped you. Hard.

The momentum from the hit knocked you off balance. The rope rubbed your wrists painfully as it held your weight while you swayed on the high heels, trying to regain your stability.

You tasted blood in your mouth. You felt it drip down your lip and chin. As it pooled in your mouth you gathered it up with your tongue. Anger bubbled up inside you as you looked the Commander in the eyes. You spit the blood at his feet.

"That's more like it." You snapped at him.

His nostrils flared as he glared back at you. A dark smirk crossed over his expression. He held out his arm, palm extended. Within a second, his weapon flew into his outstretched hand. He ignited it immediately, the red glow of the blade radiated off of his face and over your naked body.

You recoiled instantly.

"Are you mine, Pet?" He asked, his voice low and sinister.

You swallowed loudly.

"Yes. Yes, I'm yours." Your heart rate increased dangerously. "Please put that away."

He moved closer to you.

"I can't, baby..." He shook his head. "Because you don't look like mine..."

He turned the saber over in his hands. The crossguards made bright circles in the air as they rotated. He tilted his head as he stared at them.

Suddenly, the force was on your clit again, swirling around the sensitive spot relentlessly.

You gasped as the pressure threatened to dilute your fear. Time passed slowly as he rolled his power over you while turning the saber over in his palm.

You swayed under the rope, whimpering quietly as the pleasure rose again. His head snapped up to look at you.

"This is going to hurt..." he walked towards you slowly.

The movement around your clit increased in intensity. You moaned in response.

"But that might help..." He let his voice trail as he stood in front of you.

The saber was so close to you now that you could feel the heat from the blade ripple over your exposed flesh. He picked up your left thigh lightly and brought one of the crackling crossguards to hover above it.

No fucking way. Your heart sank violently as you realized what he was going to do.

"W-Wait, no!" You tried to pull away from him, tugging on the rope.

"Stop moving." He snapped. "You don't want me to miss, do you?"

Miss? As in fucking stab you?

You wiggled more aggressively.

"Kylo, what the fuck, what the fuck, get away from me..." You gasped again as the pressure on your clit continued its pursuit. The long, glowing blade was inches from your face as he held the hilt over your thigh.

"Relax." He demanded. "Or you'll literally fucking die."

Fear gripped your heart as you registered the sound of actual concern in voice. You stopped moving and closed your eyes.

"Good girl." He whispered.

You felt him steady your left thigh under the crook of his arm, while he hovered the red crossguard over your upper thigh.

Your heart pounded loudly. Tears welled up in the back of your eyes as you anticipated the pain. The movement around your clit was softer now, trying to pull your attention away from your fear.

You gasped lightly as it pulled you up the familiar cliff.

"That's it, Little Girl." He coaxed you. "Now breathe in..."

You inhaled just as the small blade of the crossguard brushed over your thigh.

You screamed as white-hot pain rolled up your leg. You'd never touched fire before, but you couldn't imagine it felt much different than this. You smelt your own skin burning below you as he adjusted the blade briefly, burning you in slightly different positions.

You cried out again, the tears you'd been holding flowed freely down your face.

And then it was over.

You heard the sound of the blade recoilingly into the hilt of the saber. The source of fire over your leg was gone, but the pain remained. Although not as sharp, it stabbed at you relentlessly.

Your previously approaching orgasm had slowed as your body tried to decide between accepting the pain or the pleasure.

It decided on accepting both.

You felt the Commander pick you up into his arms and wrap your legs around his waist. You winced as your thigh burned painfully from the movement. He was careful not to touch you there as he placed one hand on your back, stabilizing you.

You felt him pull himself out. He adjusted you over his hard length as he slipped his head between your tied arms, allowing you to rest your arms around his shoulders.

The force rubbed your clit vertically now, the change of the pace made you cry out again.

"Good girl..." He whispered again in your ear. "You're doing so well..."

The tears fell from your face onto his neck as he pushed himself inside of you. You gasped against him as he filled you. He thrust into you softly at first, but as he found his pace, his aggression increased. He gripped your back tightly, sending new pain signals to your brain.

Your thigh burned violently. The pain pounded through the barriers in your mind as the Commander moved inside of you. The pleasure from the rotating pressure on your clit matched the intensity of the pain. The Commander added to the pleasure with each push of his body. As the moments passed, you felt your control slipping as your tears continued to roll down your cheeks.

Were you crying from the pleasure or the pain now? You didn't even know.

You felt your orgasm approach, but this one felt different than the ones before. Immediately, you knew that the pain was as much of a factor in your release as the pleasure. Fear gripped your heart briefly as you tried to understand the unfamiliar sensation.

"Not yet." He groaned in your ear. "Tell me that you're mine..."

He moved his hand from your lower back, to your upper back, grabbing a fistful of your hair in the process. He pulled it back sharply. You cried out as the added pain pushed you to the ledge.

"Fucking say it." He was growling now. "Cum for me and say it."

"I'm—" The new orgasm slammed into you as you cried into his shoulder. "...yours."

The nearly painful climax ripped through you. The pleasure worked with the burning pain to send you into a realm you didn't know existed. You felt your breathing stop as your body tried to manage the sharp waves of your orgasm. You convulsed over his cock, tightening your walls around him.

"Fuck..." he moaned into you.

He pulled out of you quickly, reaching over and loosening the rope from the pillar, he lowered you to your knees in front of him.

You flinched as your knees hit the cold floor, sending shooting pain to your burning thigh. The rope fell to the ground in front of you. Your arms ached as they dropped over your torso.

He grabbed the back of your head violently and pushed his throbbing cock up to your face.

"Open." He barked.

Your climax was still rolling over you as you opened your mouth. You shook under his grip as he came on your face. Some of the cum ended up in your mouth, but not all of it.

As you looked up into his dark eyes, you knew he wasn't trying to get you to swallow. He was trying to mark you. Claim you.

And he had.

As he let go of your hair, he jerked your head down sharply, forcing you to look down. For the first time, you got a look at the burned skin on your upper thigh.

You felt his cum mix with the nearly dried blood as it slid down your neck. You gasped as you stared at the blistering brand he'd left with the crossguard.

There on your upper thigh, was a small bloody, welded letter.

K

Your head snapped up as you met his cold eyes.

He tilted his head as he brought a hand down and smeared the leftover cum over your lips. He hooked his fingers sharply in your mouth as he jerked his hand away.

"Now..." His voice was dark and low when he spoke. "...you look like mine."

***Why do I want to be branded now??? I----

****THOUGHTS!?


	13. Nothing

**TW**: NSFW!! blood, knife kink, pain kink, extremely dubious consent, orgasm denial Dom/sub energy, Sub is sad, obvious emotional manipulation, degradation, sexual harassment, emotional distress, definitely some grooming here, Sub begins to manipulate others, Sub is actually kind of mean to the people she cares about, inappropriate Force use, men are assholes, men with bad tempers, slightly more than very VERY problematic, description of death, description of stabbing, description of family dying, kylo is mean to us again, kylo legit verbally harasses us, kylo throws us onto the floor, guys kylo is not nice, kylo makes us bleed, he may or may not pin down us with his knee, he may or may not cut us with a knife idk, there is aftercare but is it fake? he's an asshole here, but is he really? He confuses us, he literally tells us conflicting things, he is sweet and it feels sus, his kindness is most definitely toxic bc he is mean again shorty afterwards, sub uses sex and probably alcohol to feel better .....

Anywayyyyyyyyssssssssss. 

Enjoy! As usual, I love the feedback! You guys don't even know how much I enjoy your comments. I will literally cry over my phone sometimes. Your interaction means everything to me!

**AN: Also if you haven't seen the CAST LIST, please check it out! It is published under the second "part" of this story on Wattpad: "Note to the simps"! You may need a visual for the new character that we meet in this chapter ;) END AN**

His words fell over you like a heavy veil, weighed down by the obvious symbolism of what he'd just done.

Suddenly, you found yourself unable to hold eye contact with him. You looked down at the throbbing 'K' now embedded in your upper thigh.

If he didn't own you before, he did now. He had branded you. Like cattle. Like a fucking animal...

You felt your body temperature decrease rapidly as cold chills swept down your spine. Your heart rate elevated slightly as you registered the oncoming panic attack. You tried to catch your breath as your body fought down the looming anxiety. Your hands shook as you lowered a finger to brush over the burning letter.

You felt his energy above you shift.

"Don't touch it." He snapped as he knelt down in front of you.

He looked cruel. Violent but...satisfied. He looked as if seeing you in his position fed him, gave him new life, gave him new emotional range. His brown eyes fluttered up to meet yours. You saw the extent of this newfound emotional range as an unfamiliar sentiment flashed over them.

You flinched and tried to slide away as he reached for your wrists, still bound in the rope

"Relax, Little One. You're ok..."

You trembled as he picked up your wrists. Surprisingly, his touch was gentle as he untied the rope. As he unwrapped the tight cord, he rubbed his thumbs over the insides of your wrists, smoothing over the red marks the rope had left behind.

You winced as he increased the pressure of his thumbs, massaging your wrists more intentionally.

His dark eyes were focused below him as he rubbed your wrists. You felt your face fall as you looked him over.

Sweat had dampened the sides of his face, matting his dark hair slightly. You watched his shoulders rise and fall as he breathed slowly. You watched the muscles in his neck flex as he swallowed. You watched his eyelashes flutter as he blinked. You felt your heart skip in your chest as you unintentionally admired his sharp features as he worked over your hands.

Realizing where your mind wanted to go, you looked away quickly, your eyes falling down to your branded thigh. You glared at it.

Now you couldn't possibly forget. He was fucking evil.

You saw his eye twitch slightly. He laid your arms down gently and looked up at you.

The intensity of his gaze made you nervous. You looked away, suddenly embarrassed. You felt dirty, used.

Unimportant.

The silent letter screamed at you. For the first time, you felt like an actual object he owned.

The tears rolled softly. You brought your shaking hand up to your face, wanting to wipe away the lingering cum and blood.

Your subconscious berated you.

How could you have let him do this to you again? You were so fucking pathetic. You were weak, you were stupid.

You were nothing...

You felt his energy shift dramatically. The bridge between your minds remained open as you felt his mood change.

He grabbed your hand in transition. He sighed as he quickly wrapped his arms under your legs. He picked you up off the floor before you could protest. He took a few steps backwards and set you on the kitchen island. He pulled your heels off and tossed them to the floor.

You furrowed your brows in confusion. He sighed again as he rotated towards the sink. He turned the water on.

"You make me fucking crazy." He mumbled to himself as he grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer. He tested the water with his index finger before wetting the towel. He flipped the water off and turned towards you again.

Now sitting on the island you finally met his eye level. He brought the warm towel to your forehead, gently wiping down the side of your face. You stared at him in confusion as he cleaned you quietly.

After a moment, he turned back to the cabinets and pulled a small square case from the shelf inside. He brought the kit over and set it on the island beside you. He pulled out a small, white bottle and a cotton swab.

"This will hurt, Pet." He lathered the cotton in the ointment from the white bottle and moved it to hover over your burned thigh. He held out his other hand to you.

You looked at his open palm in confusion.

"Take it."

Hesitating slightly, you grabbed his large hand with both of yours, bringing it to rest on your other thigh. You gripped it tightly in anticipation.

He lowered the cotton and gently rubbed the sterile ointment over the fresh brand.

You gasped loudly as searing pain shot up your leg. The freshly burned skin lashed out against the medication violently, sending sharp tendrils of agony up your body.

You shook as you dug your fingernails into his hand, pressing your lips together tightly in an attempt to keep from yelling out. Through the pain, your head was spinning. Emotions rolled through you at a lightening pace.

After a few moments, the pain diluted slowly. You felt your heart rate making the gradual return to its normal tempo. He slipped his hand out of your tight grip and grabbed a roll of gauze from the box. He lifted your thigh and slowly wrapped the soft dressing over the burn, securing it tightly.

As you watched him work, you realized something.

He was healing you again, but in a different way. This time, with each act of care, it felt like he was trying to heal you on the inside.

Was the care just another way of manipulating you? Controlling you? Or was he actually trying to make you feel seen? Taken care of...

Important...

He didn't comment on your thoughts as he dumped out a couple pain pills from a small bottle inside the kit. He handed them to you with a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

You scrunched your face. "I thought I wasn't allowed to have these?"

"I'll allow it." He smirked lightly. "This time..."

You continued to stare at him in disbelief as you took the pills. A shiver ran over your body as the cold water ran down your throat. You wrapped your arms around yourself. You were still completely naked.

"Stay." He muttered as he moved to walk up the stairs to the loft.

He returned moments later with a large black sweater. He pulled it over your head, guiding your arms through gently.

Your head was reeling with conflicting emotions as you watched him put the first aid kit away and gather your clothes from the floor. He handed you your panties and watched as you slipped them on. He set the rest of your things on the island before wrapping his arms around you again. 

He lifted you off the countertop.

"Bed or couch, Little Girl?"

You didn't understand.

He sighed. "Couch then..."

He sunk down on the remaining couch. Laying his head back against the pillow on the armrest. He spread out onto the leather, pulling you down to lay on top of him. He rolled you over onto your stomach, resting your head against his chest.

He twitched his fingers lightly. You heard ruffling over your head as a shadow fell over the couch. You tilted your head up just in time to see the large, white comforter drift down from the loft. It fell over you gently, engulfing the couch completely. He grabbed the edges and pulled it up to cover your shoulders.

"You need to rest." He sighed. "We will train in the morning."

The thick fabric of his tunic rubbed against your face; his neck was only inches away. You inhaled quietly. Leather and amber. Even now...

You laid against him in silence, the moments passed slowly as you listened to the fire crackle behind you. Your leg throbbed as you pressed against him, yet the bandage and the medicine kept the pain at bay.

Your heart clenched as you listened to his heartbeat through the dense fabric. You tried to wrap your head around what had just transpired.

What was happening to you? What was he doing to you? How could he be so cruel, yet tend to you like he had?

For a brief moment, you let yourself imagine what it could mean.

You let yourself imagine that he cared for you. You let yourself imagine that his acts of care weren't just a way to gain additional control over you. You let yourself imagine that he actually gave a fuck about you. That you weren't just an object. That you weren't just something he would grow tired of and throw away.

The train of thought triggered a memory from your day. A question you'd been asked but had left unanswered.

You couldn't help yourself.

"Kylo..." you whispered. "...a-are you asleep?"

You felt him stir slightly below you.

"No..."

You were nervous to speak to him, but in this moment, you needed to know. "Have you had pets like me before?" You trembled lightly as you asked.

He brought his arms up from his sides and wrapped them around you, pulling you closer.

"No..." His voice was low and weighted, heavy with emotion you didn't recognize. "...not like you."

You breathed out slowly. Not like you? What did he mean by that? You didn't know how to unpack the real answer behind the words.

As if to comment on your thoughts, he brought his hand up to the back of your head.

As he brushed through your hair with his fingertips, you felt your eyelids grow heavy. It had been a long time since you'd had a full night's sleep. And you felt it.

Deep down, you wanted to push him about his answer, but something told you to let him be. Something told you that he needed to figure it out just as much as you did.

It wasn't a complete answer, but for now, it was good enough. Besides, you were beginning to wonder if any number of answers could clear the tension between you and him.

You huddled closer into his chest as you let sleep claim your mind. As you drifted off, you realized the evening had made one thing very clear.

You were his...and he was an enigma, a mystery you didn't have the strength to solve.

_________________________________

That night, dreams found you again.

The sun beamed down on you gleefully as you walked out of the familiar forest into the meadow. The bright rays bounced off of your white dress, sparkling through the fabric like a million little diamonds.

You held his hand as you ran through the flowers, trying to pull him along with you.

His cold, masked gaze bore down on you as he let go of your hand. His black robes stood out as a sharp contrast to the color of your surroundings.

"Don't make me go alone..." You whispered as you twirled closer to him.

Another voice echoed through the clearing.

"You're not alone."

You spun around on your heels to see Avery emerge from the rows of crops. He was wearing his farm gear, an old jumpsuit and a pair of work boots.

You ran into his arms.

"We're home now, Ky." He shook his head. "You're safe now."

You looked down at yourself as you released him from the hug. Your white dress had morphed into an old jumpsuit, just like his. Your work boots were new and clean.

He smiled at you. "Wanna race the crop dusters?"

You smiled back. As you went to answer, you heard a terrifying sound ignite behind you.

The violent crackle of a red blade.

You pivoted towards your dark clothed companion, his weapon was drawn, and his stance was offensive.

"She's not going anywhere." He growled

He moved quickly. Pushing you out of the way, he grabbed Avery by the neck.

"She's mine."

You screamed as you watched the Commander push the red saber into Avery's heart. Hearing your cry, he turned his mask towards you.

"Hush, baby..."

He glanced down your form. Following his gaze, you looked down. Your outfit had morphed again. Your jumpsuit had merged into a set of long, black robes. You held a red saber in your hand.

As you looked up, the Commander was gone. Instead, you stared directly into Avery's face. His eyes were wide, full of pain and confusion. As you looked down at his body, you understood why.

Half of your red saber was buried inside his chest.

He touched your face as he slid to the ground.

"No. No. No." You shook violently and dropped the weapon on the grass. "No! I didn't do it!" You shouted as you spun your head violently, searching for the Commander.

You were alone.

_______________________________

You gasped as you woke up in a cold sweat. The warm body below you stirred momentarily, but continued breathing evenly, quickly falling back into its rhythm.

You sat up slowly and wiggled your way off the couch, smoothing the blanket back over him. You could barely see his face. The fire had died down and except for the glow of the moonlight through the glass, the room had darkened completely.

But even the moonlight seemed to have priorities as it bent itself around his features, accentuating the curvatures of his sharp bone structure. The small pigments of blue light traced over the side of his face and trailed over his full lips.

For the first time since you'd met him, he looked peaceful. Unconflicted. Normal even...

An unrecognizable and unwelcome feeling spread through you. You pushed it down as you walked over to the glass wall.

Your dream replayed continuously in your head as you looked out over the icy forest. The night sky was clear, displaying the beauty of the galaxy from the wide view of the glass. Millions of stars sparkled in the black sky. Nearby moons orbited lazily, shinning down brightly and ominously, as if it were their duty to patrol the movement of the night.

They saw everything and you knew they saw right through you.

They saw through your shitty attempt at sound leadership. Your sporadic need for danger. Your sudden inability to suppress your temper...

Your unexpected feelings towards a certain power-hungry sadist...

As you looked at the white, bumpy surface of the nearby moon, you felt it talk to you. It told you everything about yourself, and nothing at the same time. You felt its gravitational pull, you felt its bright energy falling over the surface of the planet.

You traced its beams to the surface. The snow-covered treetops seemed to echo the call. You felt them reaching out to you as well, imploring you to explore them, challenging you to respond.

In the quiet of the room, as you looked out onto the cold shell of Starkiller base, you felt it all.

The light of the moon, the darkness of the forest, the chill of the glass, the warmth of the burning embers and the balance in between. You felt the icy world outside and the galaxy beyond, tie together in a symphonic chord that you somehow already knew. You closed your eyes as you felt the melody flow through you.

Your fingers twitched slightly as you felt it flood your consciousness. You thought for a moment that you could touch it, harness it.

But it wasn't tangible.

It was a feeling. An energy...

A Force.

As you stood in the quiet power, you felt the call shift.

It was the same energy, but darker. You recognized it. You'd felt it before.

It called to you with an equally powerful summon. In your mind, it showed you the same black hole. Your anger burning as an orange light deep inside.

The dark pit drew you in, the orange glow offering you power. Control.

You felt fear clench your heart as a dark presence filled your subconscious. It didn't speak, it only compelled you, pulled you. It showed you...you. A version of yourself manifested from the black hole. The look-a-like moved towards you. Her black robes flowed inhumanly behind her. She was beautiful, but in a terrifying way. She was cold and powerful.

Her eyes glowed as she pulled a saber from her side. She ignited the red blade, turning it over skillfully in her hand.

Immediately, you were reminded of your dream.

Avery.

You shuddered as you opened your eyes, pulling yourself from the dark vision.

As you reoriented yourself to the room, something was different. You knew what it was. You looked out of the glass, unwillingly to face him.

"What's happening to me..." You whispered; the fear lingered in your tone.

You felt him come up behind you. He placed his hands on your shoulders, slowly moving them down your arms. He brought his head down to lean into your ear.

"The same thing that happened to me..." He brushed your hair to the right as he brought his lips down to kiss your exposed neck.

You shivered as his lips touched you.

"I'm not like you..."

He brought his hand up and pulled on the neck of the sweater, exposing the top of your collar bone. He kissed it.

"You're exactly like me."

You inhaled lightly as his lips pricked at the warm feeling inside.

You were like him?

You thought back to what you knew about him, about his past. It didn't parallel your life at all. You were nothing like him.

As the thoughts swam through your mind, you remembered Chandrila. The vision of the house, the flames, the tormented face of the young Commander...

You felt him tense behind you as he relived it in your thoughts. He pulled his lips away from your neck.

"Ask me, Pet." He sighed into your shoulder.

You bit your lip as you felt a tremble roll through you.

"Why did you burn it down?"

You finally turned to face him, the glow from the glass now fully engulfed his face. He looked down at you, his expression blank.

"To be who you're meant to be..." He stepped closer to you. "You have to let the past die..." He brought his hand to your face. "Kill it...if you have to."

You closed your eyes and leaned into his palm, sighing lightly. "I don't know who I'm meant to be..." You shook your head and looked up at him again.

You saw something dark cross over his eyes. He sucked on his teeth lightly as he pressed you back against the cold glass.

"I do."

He moved the hand on your face down to your throat. His grip was light as he pulled you forward by your neck. He brought his face down to yours.

"I'll make you fucking unstoppable." He whispered against your lips.

As you parted your mouth to speak, he moved his lips to yours.

Your heart leapt violently as he kissed you passionately, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer to him. Your initial surprise melted away as you felt his tongue part your lips. You kissed him back slowly at first but as you pushed against him with your body, you picked up the pace eagerly.

He responded quickly. His lips worked against yours as he held your throat in one hand while the other moved from your waist and down to the bottom of the sweater. He felt up your sides before running his hand over your breast. He circled your nipple.

You moaned against his mouth.

You felt him take a deep breath and pull his hand away from you.

You frowned at him as he rested his forehead against yours. You both stood in silence for a moment. Your heavy breathing was nearly synchronized with his as his fingers rubbed your throat lightly.

"You're so fucking confusing..." You whispered.

His breathing shifted, as if he were about to reply. He didn't. Instead, he pulled away from you completely. He turned to walk towards his desk. He grabbed his helmet off the chair and latched it quickly. He waved his hand through the air, summoning his saber. He clipped it on his side and walked towards the door.

"Go back to sleep." He spat over his shoulder.

You scrunched your face. "Where are you going?"

He didn't turn around as he walked through the opening. You barely heard the words as the door slammed behind him.

"For a walk."

______________________________

You laid on the couch under the fluffy comforter. You tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position.

You couldn't without him.

You groaned as you sat up straight, looking around the dark room. You didn't know what time it was, but you knew he had been gone for at least an hour.

You wrapped the comforter around yourself and stood to your feet, pulling it behind you as you ascended up the stairs and onto the loft. You spread it out over his bed and climbed underneath it. The soft sheets welcomed you as you snuggled into them.

You took the pillow from his side and swapped it with yours. As you laid your head against it, you inhaled lightly, breathing in his scent.

You felt yourself drift to sleep.

____________________________

You were still asleep when he returned.

Through the haze of your dreams you heard him shuffle up the loft and move around inside the refresher. You heard the sound of water, the movement of drawers.

You dozed in and out of sleep as you felt him crawl into the bed beside you. You yawned as you rolled over, wrapping yourself around him subconsciously.

He leaned into you. His hair was damp from the shower.

"Do you feel better?" You murmured into his chest, still half asleep.

"No."

You yawned again and rolled away from him, pressing your back against his side. You felt him flip over to hold you, cradling you from behind.

"Do you feel better?" He whispered into your ear.

You nodded your head sleepily against the pillow as you leaned backwards into him.

"Yes..."

As you spoke, sleep claimed your mind again. You wouldn't remember the short conversation in the morning.

But he would.

__________________________

He was gone when you woke up.

Your body ached as you dragged yourself into the refresher. Your inner thighs pulsed with every step, reminding you of how his size had stretched you. The brand on your leg stung violently and the place where he'd gripped your back throbbed.

You looked down at your wrists. Smalls pink creases wrapped around them from where he'd bound you with the rope.

You exhaled loudly as you passed the mirror, avoiding the reflection entirely.

As you walked deeper into the refresher, you noticed a stack of clothes sitting on the small bench outside of the shower. Your boots sat below the bench. The first aid kit lay beside them, and a folded note sat on top.

You opened the note.

Pet,

Training starts now. Go find the Knights when you're ready.

Re-wrap your leg and take the pills.

K

You swallowed and dropped the note to the floor. Looking down, you winced as you unwrapped the bandage from your thigh. The brand was bright and oozing slightly, but it didn't look as bad as you expected. It had begun to scab over, and you could already see the bright color fading in some areas to a duller shade of red.

You opened the kit and tried your best to ignore the pain as you spread the ointment over the sore spot, mimicking the Commander's treatment from the night before. You wrapped your leg in a clean bandage and stuck your head under the sink, popping a few of the pain pills.

You pulled off his sweater and went to change into the clothes he'd left for you. Unfolding them, you spread them out piece by piece on the bench.

So far, the spread included a pair of black leather leggings, a black sports bra and matching underwear. You gaped as you continued to weed through the stack. You unfolded a long sleeve, layered tunic, similar to the one the commander wore. The tunic came with a sleeveless vest, similar to his.

The biggest difference between this tunic and his, was the neckline. His collar came up to his throat, while yours dove down into a deep V-neck, giving it a more feminine silhouette.

You slipped the outfit on quickly. It fit impeccably. The fabric was dense, but flexible. Like his, your vest zipped up the front, but you left it open, showing off the fitted tunic underneath. The leather leggings hugged your figure flawlessly. You looked down and fingered your necklace lightly. The V-shaped neckline of your tunic hit right above your chest and framed the black stone perfectly.

Still avoiding your reflection, you brushed through your hair with your fingers. You braided it down the middle and twisted the end into a bun at the base of your neck. You pulled out a few pieces of hair to frame your face.

As you scurried down the stairs, you felt excitement bubble up inside of you.

Would you learn how to use his powers today? Would he show you the Dark Side like he promised?

You knew you looked the part, but you couldn't wait to feel the part.

The small coffee pot had been left out for you again, but you ignored it. You laced up your boots and headed for the door.

The nerves didn't hit you until you stood under the shadow of the two massive Knights. You glanced up at them anxiously, waiting for them to speak.

They exchanged glances before the one closest to you pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning on and stalked down the hallway. He turned towards you briefly and jerked his head in the direction of his stride, signaling you to follow.

Panic leapt into your chest as you eyed his heavy movements. A massive, multilayered axe swung behind his back.

You followed him loosely, trying to keep up with him yet trying to maintain a safe distance. He led you down several twisting hallways and into a dark corridor. You made sure to take note of every turn, making mental preparations to run away if needed. You didn't want to get lost down here with him.

He brought you to a set of gigantic double doors. He pushed them open aggressively, leading you into a large, windowless room.

The training room was huge and cold, yet somehow intimate. The lack of windows gave you the sense of being in a cave. Hundreds of yellow can lights in the ceiling illuminated the dim space. The room was nearly as large as the Commander's quarters. You eyed your surroundings nervously.

In the righthand corner of the room sat a semi-standard looking gym, while the center of the room was taken up by a massive, elevated mat. To the left you noticed a kitchen area and a small lounge, equipped with a pool table and several stand-alone punching bags. Several doors lined the training room, leading off to unknown rooms.

Quarters? Did the Knights live here?

You inhaled sharply as you noticed the back wall. Nearly every inch of the dark wall was covered in hanging weapons. Swords, clubs, axes, scythes, knives, blasters, throwing stars...explosives. You felt your heart rate increase as you eyed the surplus.

The Knight slammed the door shut behind you. You jumped at the sound.

He looked at you silently for a moment before walking towards you. Your heart pounded loudly in your chest as you glanced at him nervously. His mask resembled an iron skeleton and had a large gash on the forehead.

He pushed passed you and moved into the center of the arena. He motioned for you to come onto the mat beside him.

You hesitated.

He huffed, seemingly irritated.

You watched as he reached his hands up to pull his mask off. He tossed the metal helmet on the ground and looked up at you. The face that stared forward was not at all what you expected.

His light brown skin glowed under the dim lights as he surveyed you. His sharp jaw was prominent even under his thick, dark beard. His long brown hair was pulled into a bun behind his head. Dark, thick eyebrows furrowed down over his harsh, brown eyes. He was definitely older than you but wasn't old by any standard.

You looked his frame up and down. Fuck, he was huge though. He was built like a true warrior. His intense, rugged appearance somehow made him even more intimidating.

Finally, he broke the silence.

"I'm Ap'lek." His voice was a rich baritone.

You blinked rapidly, unable to process the interaction. He motioned for you to join him. You didn't move.

He huffed again. "What should I call you?"

He was less intimidating as he spoke. You weren't fully out of the woods, but he seemed genuine enough.

"K-Kyber, is fine." You inhaled deeply. "That's my callsign..."

He raised his eyebrows. "That's badass."

Jerking his head he signaled for you to come closer. You finally moved onto the mat beside him.

"What has the Commander told you?"

You shook your head. "Nothing."

"Sounds about right." He nodded as he pulled the axe off his back. You flinched slightly, backing away from him. "Chill out." He chuckled as he tossed it to the side beside his mask.

"Commander Ren has tasked me with teaching you hand to hand combat..."

Your heart fell slightly.

Did the Commander not want to teach you himself? You immediately felt stupid. Of course he didn't.

"Why you?" you asked casually, hoping that you didn't sound too pathetic.

He smirked. "Because I'm the best." He began pacing around of you. "Well my style is the best..."

"Your style?"

He nodded. "Fighting isn't all about strength. It's just as much mental as it is physical." He stepped closer to you. "Don't get me wrong...I can beat the shit out of almost anyone. But I don't like to." He smirked again. "I specialize in stealth. Deception. It's more satisfying to watch your enemy beat the shit out of themselves..."

You felt your heart rate increase again as he moved closer.

"It's a mental game, Kyber, but it's a game you can learn..." He paused. "I can teach you how to use your enemy's weaknesses against them, to recognize patterns and respond to them." He motioned down your frame. "It doesn't matter how big or how small you are. If you learn to fight like me, you'll hold your own against opponents twice your size."

You nodded, understanding. You knew what he was getting at. There was no way you could match any of them when it came to pure mass or strength. But if you could outsmart them, out move them, you may have a chance.

Your excitement returned as you looked into Ap'lek's eyes. You could see the intensity and the wisdom behind them.

You smiled. "Let's fucking do it then."

He chuckled as he tossed his cape to the ground. "I hope you're ready to get your ass beat."

You laughed slightly. "I'm used to it..."

Dark humor flickered over his eyes briefly.

"I bet you are..."

________________________________

He slammed you against the mat again.

The day with Ap'lek had gotten you pretty comfortable in that position. You had no idea what time it was, but you'd been in the training room for hours. You had taken a few breaks here and there, and he had shown you how to hold a few of the weapons from the wall and how to practice with the punching bags. Although you had no prior combat knowledge, he had already succeeded in teaching you several useful techniques.

You'd just managed to use one successfully, using his weight against him to lock his arm out away from you...for a total of two seconds before he flipped you upside down and landed you back on your ass.

You grunted angrily as you pushed yourself up.

"Fuck you."

"That's probably not a good idea." He raised his eyebrows. "Probably..."

You laughed painfully as you stood to your feet. Your body was beginning to ache again, the pain reliever from the morning was wearing off.

Strangely, you didn't mind. Something about the pain made you more intense. Helped you focus. You shook your body out. Despite yourself, you actually enjoyed this.

"Let's go again." You panted against the stinging discomfort.

He shook his head.

"You're done for today..." You saw his eyes shift to the doorway, lingering there for a moment before falling back onto you. "...with me at least."

You turned around, following his stare. Your heart skipped in your chest as you saw the Commander standing silently in the doorway. His masked gaze was focused on you.

Ap'lek nodded in his direction and stepped off of the mat. Grabbing his stuff, he turned to exit into one of the adjacent rooms.

"Good luck, kid" he snickered. "I'll see you tomorrow." He shut the door, leaving you alone with the Commander.

You fidgeted nervously as the Commander moved towards you slowly. He unclasped his cape and threw it to the ground silently. Stepping onto the mat, he tensed and lowered his body, moving into an offensive position.

Fuck.

Your heart rate increased as he began to approach you, his smooth movements were predatory. His terrifying iron gaze was fixated on you.

It had only been one fucking day; you weren't ready for this.

He remained silent as he circled you. You moved your body to parallel him, trying to remember what Ap'lek had mentioned about footwork.

He tilted his head as he watched your feet cross one another, mirroring his steps.

"Not bad..." He mumbled through the regulator. "But what if I do this?"

He moved towards you rapidly, reaching out to grab your shoulders. You ducked instinctively, causing him to clip you only partially. You leaned into him, trying to maneuver yourself around him like you had Ap'lek.

He moved to pin your arms, but you flipped under him. Using his own body as leverage, you pulled out of his grip.

Holy fuck. It worked.

You smiled at him.

He shook his head as he moved on you again. This time, he set up to grab you from behind. You moved quickly out of his reach. He lunged again, grabbing you by the waist. You used another Ap'lek maneuver, pressing into him, you tried to duck underneath his arm, pulling his hands away from you with this own torso. You slipped away again.

You could tell he had let you go. He was pulling his punches, teasing you.

"Fucking fight me." You snapped at him. "Don't hold back."

He sighed below the mask and stepped into you quickly. Twisting his arm behind you and snagging your leg with his, he flipped you down onto the mat.

Hard.

You winced as your back made contact with the rigid surface.

"Where's the fun in that, Pet?" He whispered as he leaned over your pinned body.

"That wasn't fair..." You wiggled angrily. "I don't know anything about legs..."

You could have sworn you heard him chuckle beneath the mask. Him? No fucking way. That couldn't be right...

He tensed and released you immediately. He loomed above you.

"Get up." He demanded.

You rolled over and sat up on your knees. You went to stand, but he held his hand out, stopping you from moving further.

"Actually..." He tilted his head. "I like you like this..."

Your face flushed as you registered the not-so-subtle double meaning. You watched as he walked over to the wall of weapons. He selected a small silver knife and walked back over to you.

He stood a few feet in front of you and held out his hand. The knife sat balanced in his palm.

"Take it." He snapped.

You moved to grab it out of his hand as you knelt in front of him.

He pulled away.

"No, Pet." He shook his head. "Not like that."

You furrowed your brows.

"Then how do you suggest I take it, Master." You spat the name.

As you spoke, the knife hovered out of his palm and up into the air. It levitated above his hand for a moment before floating back down.

You understood.

"I can't do that." You shook your head.

"Try."

You sighed and focused your attention on the small blade. You imagined it flying into the air, floating around on your command.

You stared at it. You willed it to move.

Nothing.

"See?" You sighed.

"Close your eyes..." His electronic voice was smooth and low.

You did.

"Reach out." He snapped. "Like you did last night."

You breathed in deeply and tried to tap into the energy of the room. You reached out with the same effort you had used the night before. You used the same technique that you used in the cockpit when you tried to access your Planesense. You envisioned invisible ribbons of power, of energy.

The Force.

You should probably start calling it that if you expected to use it.

You reached out, trying to feel the Force again. You were certain you'd felt it the night before, when you were gazing at the night sky, but now in the training room...you felt nothing.

You strained for a moment, attempting to grab at small fragments of energy, but nothing caught. You tossed your hands in the air and opened your eyes.

"I can't..."

He looked down at you.

"You're so fucking pathetic."

His harsh words surprised you. "E-Excuse me?"

He moved his hand through the air quickly, pulling you to your feet. "I said...you're so fucking pathetic." He growled as he stepped closer. "You aren't even trying."

He released the pressure around you and dropped you to your feet.

"You're a waste of my time." He mumbled as he turned to walk away.

Anger flashed through you rapidly.

"I-I am trying..." Despite your frustration, you tried to keep your voice calm, not wanting to trigger his terrifying rage. "Let me try again."

He continued walking.

"Commander." You raised your voice, your anger growing with every step he took. He was ignoring you. "I said let me try again."

Rage flashed through you as you saw him go to slip the knife in his pocket. He was almost to the door now.

Your nostrils flared as you watched him leave.

He was still the worst fucking teacher you'd ever met.

He pivoted around towards you; his fist clenched around the knife.

He grunted as reclaimed the distance between you. He moved swiftly, grabbing your throat and snagging your legs with his, he threw you onto the mat violently. He pinned you down, his knee pushed down painfully on your torso while his hand gripped your throat.

"Those fucking thoughts..." He snarled. "Are you due for another lesson so soon, Pet?"

He took the silver knife and flipped it over in his hand, fingering the blade lightly. He lowered it slowly, brushing the flat side of blade down your cheekbone.

Your pulse quickened as you pushed against him. Your movement was futile, trying to move him off of you was pointless.

"K-Kylo, stop-" You whimpered under the grip of his hand as the cold weapon grazed over your skin.

"Shhhhh..." He hushed you, shaking his head. "You're done talking to me."

You trembled as he ran the blade down your neck. He turned the knife, moving the sharp edge to the base of your collar bone. He pushed it in lightly, nicking the base of your neck with the blade.

You winced as the small cut stung you.

He moved his hand from your throat and pressed down onto the cut with his middle finger. You gasped as you felt him smear the small amount of blood down the V of your neckline.

"Gods, you're so fucking crazy." You snapped as you wiggled beneath him.

He shook his head as he removed his hand from your neck. He slipped his glove off and balled up the black fabric in his fist.

"You really don't know how to shut the fuck up." He spat. "Perhaps this will help..."

In one harsh motion, he shoved the black ball of fabric inside your mouth.

You gaged as he pressed the glove deeper, pushing it against your tongue. You could taste your own blood on the glove from where he had manipulated the cut.

You coughed aggressively as you tried to regulate your breathing through the makeshift leather gag.

He looked down at you as he brought his bare hand to the blood on your chest. He dipped his finger over the cut again.

You flinched.

"You look so pretty like this..." He mumbled to himself.

His sensual voice sent an unwelcome shiver down your body.

"But you're still so disrespectful..." He sighed. "What am I going to do with you, Little Girl?"

You tried to maneuver your body away from him. He pressed his knee into you harder. The pressure of his knee against your torso sent a stab of pain up your side. You gasped loudly into the gag.

Seeing your reaction, he moved his knee off of you and down to the ground between your legs. He pushed his knee forward, forcing you to straddle it.

He leaned into you, adding pressure between your thighs.

Instinctively, your body tensed against him. You moved your weight down onto his knee, your clit now pressed against him through the layers.

You sighed involuntarily as he pushed against it.

"There's my little slut..." He shook his head. "Always so ready for me..."

You glared up at him...but you were ready. Even now, the tension between you was palpable.

How the fuck did he have this much power over you?

As usual, you felt his desire for you. You felt his urgency, his anger...his power. You closed your eyes as you bridged into his mind again.

And then you felt it.

The Force.

Inside him, inside you, inside everything...

"That's it..." he whispered over you as he pressed between your legs. "Use it."

You felt yourself latch onto the energy. You welcomed it, you accepted it. You took it as your own.

You felt his body relax above you as he felt your connection to the Force grow. He was distracted. You saw the opportunity and took it. You wrapped your legs around his knee and sat up quickly on your elbows before rolling over him.

You felt the Force flow through you. You didn't know how to wield it, or manipulate it, but it was there. You felt it strengthen you, encourage you.

You flipped him over onto his back and swung your legs over his waist, straddling him on the mat. You spit his glove out of your mouth. It bounced off his helmet and fell on to the mat beside his face.

You sat on top of him, breathing heavily as you met his masked stare.

He moved below you and you tensed instantly, expecting to be thrown back onto the mat. But instead, he moved his hands slowly up your thighs.

Your heart pounded aggressively in your chest.

You felt the Force lingering in your movements. You fed off of it, allowing the confidence to surge through you.

Your hands didn't shake. Your breathing didn't elevate.

You felt strong, powerful.

Without over thinking, you reached down to his mask below you. Your fingers trailed the outline swiftly, searching for the latching mechanism. You found it and pressed down. The mask hissed and clicked as you pulled it off his face.

His stare was dark and intense, but he somehow looked...amused? Proud? You couldn't tell.

He sucked on his bottom lip lightly as he looked up at you. You could tell he was trying to decide how to handle your change in demeanor. You knew he could easy throw you into the ceiling, but he did nothing other than grip your thighs.

You tossed the mask to the side of the mat and looked into his eyes. You smiled as you leaned over him. You brought your lips down to hover over his.

"Like that?" you whispered.

You kissed him before he could respond. You moved your lips against his lightly, pressing your body against his as you straddled him.

He kissed you back aggressively, digging his fingers into your hips. Your confidence remained as you pulled away slightly, wanting to set the pace. You slowed him down, lightly brushing your tongue over his lips as you brought your mouth back to his.

He sat up on the mat. Grabbing your back, he slid you forward to sit on him as his kissed you deeper, insisting on setting the pace himself.

You felt the Force inside you. It didn't do anything, it just existed.

Could you use it?

You tried to harness the feeling as you moved your hands to his chest and pushed.

Hard.

He fell back down to the mat harder than you expected. You grabbed his wrists and tried to pin them over his head. You felt him tense below you as he jerked his arms away from you. He grunted as he wrapped them around your waist and flipped you over aggressively.

Pain rippled up your back as he pressed you into the mat. You felt his energy change swiftly. He straddled you, grabbing your wrists effortlessly.

He pinned you down and pulled his lips away from yours.

"That's enough of that." He breathed.

You glared up at him playfully.

"For now..." you spat.

He pushed himself off of you and stood to his feet. He rubbed his hands over his face as he turned to pace towards the wall of weapons. You felt his conflict. Something inside him had snapped but you couldn't tell what.

You sat up on the mat and looked around. The knife, the glove, and the mask were all spread around you as evidence of the charged encounter.

As he distanced himself from you, you felt the Force fade with him. The power slipped away from your conscience, but the confidence remained.

You were proud of yourself. You had used it. Harnessed it. Even if it had only been for a moment, you had done it. And you knew you could do it again.

You looked down at the smeared blood your chest. You licked your thumb and cleaned it off to the best of your ability. You barely felt the small cut.

Looking around the room again, your heart sank slightly as you watched the Commander pace on the other side of the room. You stood to your feet and walked over towards him.

"Kylo, what's wron-"

He held his hand up.

"Don't talk to me." He snapped, refusing to make eye contact with you.

His words stung.

"What? Why?" you scrunched your face.

He snapped his head towards you violently.

"Why?" He glared at you. "How about because I fucking said so."

You narrowed your eyes.

Here we fucking go...

Hadn't that been a victory for both of you? Wasn't it his goal to teach you about the Force?

Why was he angry about your success?

"Your success?" He huffed darkly. "You didn't do anything."

"I did a little bit..." Your voice dropped slightly as you felt your confidence slipping with every word he spoke. "I felt it, I did..."

He took a step closer to you, his eyes wild.

"And what did it take for you to get there?" He spat. "Did you think about that?" He glared into you. "You're only focused when I'm fucking you or beating the shit out of you."

Your heart skipped as you registered the meaning behind his words.

He motioned towards the cut on your collar bone.

"I can't slice your throat or throw you out of a window every time I need you to fucking pay attention."

"That's not it..." You shook your head. "I don't need you to--"

"You don't need me?" He raised his eyebrows. "You're nothing without me." He clenched his fists as he walked closer. "What were you before I found you, Pet?" He exhaled loudly, shaking his head. "You were right when you said you were unimportant..."

You felt tears accumulate in your eyes. You swallowed loudly, trying to contain your emotions. You racked your brain, attempting to come up with the right words.

Why was he lashing out at you like this? You didn't understand...

You thought about the night before, how his energy had changed in front of you. How he had taken care of you, how he had looked at you, how he had kissed you. Held you...

You thought that he...

"You thought that I what?" His voice was quiet and condescending.

You didn't have to say it.

He already knew.

He huffed darkly as he pushed passed you. He waved his hand through the air, commanding the helmet into his open palm. He latched it over his face as he walked into the center of the mat and grabbed his glove off the floor. He slipped it on and turned towards you.

"Let me make one thing very clear, Pet." His modified voice was neutral. "You are nothing to me." He paused. "I don't give a shit about you."

You felt your face fall visibly as his words nearly knocked you off your feet.

He turned away quickly, his cape lifting itself off of the ground and falling over his shoulders on its own as he walked out of the room. The heavy metal door slammed shut behind him.

You felt the tears break as they slid down your cheeks. You walked onto the mat and picked up the small knife. You rolled in over lightly in your hands as his words rang loudly in your mind.

The confidence was gone. The Force was gone.

He was gone.

You felt your breathing increase as rage flooded through you. You grunted as you pivoted around and threw the small knife into the closet punching bag. It lodged in soft padding.

You rubbed your temple, trying to keep your emotions at bay.

Sadness knocked at the door of your mind but the only thing you wanted to feel was rage. Pure, fucking rage.

You hated him.

Suddenly, you wanted to make him regret everything he'd ever done to you. You wanted to make him hurt.

Was that possible? He was inhuman. What even bothered him?

A dark smirk crossed your lips immediately.

You knew one thing he hated.

You stormed out of the training room and sprinted through the hallways. You didn't stop moving until you got to the hangar.

The darkness of the sky was the only indication of the time. You had been in the training room longer than you had originally thought. You whipped your head around the hangar quickly. You spotted a few of your team members by their ships, waiting for their flights with you.

You paced towards them. They looked nervous as they watched you approach. Thomas was in the group. He didn't make eye contact with you.

You smiled at them as you tried to catch your breath.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of your work so far." Despite your hidden agenda, you actually meant it. "So there's no practice with me tonight..." You paused, building suspense. "We're drinking instead."

They exchanged exited glances.

"Troopers in an hour, Ok? Tell everyone else."

You moved to walk away but paused, turning towards Thomas.

"Oh, and if you're done being a little bitch..." You winked at him. "Can I buy you a beer?"

A reluctant smile crossed over his face as he nodded. He flipped you off.

"Perfect." You returned the gesture.

You shuffled to your room as fast as you could. The details of your snap decision filtered through your mind. You tried not to overthink it.

Nothing? So you meant nothing to him? Fine. You'd show him nothing. You'd show him he meant nothing to you.

You stripped off Kylo's clothes and threw them into the corner. You smiled internally as you watched them fall into the shadows.

Fuck him. You couldn't wait to piss him off.

You jumped into the shower, washing off the day quickly. You ripped the bandage off your leg. You were so focused on your revenge that you barely felt the pain when the water rolled over it.

You took the time to blow out your hair but skipped the makeup again. No mirrors.

In your closet you, picked out a pair of skinny black jeans and a tight tank top. You threw your leather jacket on over top. You smirked as you slipped on a pair of stilettos.

You knew he liked this outfit. He had told you before.

And you weren't talking about the Commander.

You tried to keep your mind focused on your anger. The more you thought about what you were about to do, the more nervous you got.

Despite your nerves, you felt your power returning. Underneath it all, you were excited. You were finally taking charge. You felt free.

You took a deep breath and slowed down for moment as you left your room. You cleared your mind, trying to push down the lingering anxiety.

You took a few steps down the hallway and knocked on a door.

The seconds that passed as you waited were agonizingly slow. Your mind threatened to use them to talk you out of everything. You silenced the thoughts.

Finally, Marco opened the door.

You swallowed visibly as you saw him look you over.

"Did you hear we aren't flying tonight?"

He nodded, not breaking eye contact with you. You saw his chest rise slowly. The energy between you was tangible. When you didn't walk away, he cleared his throat. 

"What's up?" He asked quietly, eyeing you intently. 

"Do you think I'm nothing?" you whispered, fighting down the tears that loomed in the distance. You hadn't planned on asking him that.

"Nothing?" He narrowed his eyes. "Are you crazy?"

You stepped closer to him, moving slowly inside the doorway.

"Kyber..." He looked down at you and shook his head. "You're fucking everything."

He reached down and grabbed your hand. "Did you come here just to ask me that?"

You shook your head as you pushed yourself into his room.

"No..."

****Uhm ok I'm sent with this one. THOUGHTS Y'ALL? What do you think? Is soft Kylo sus or nah? ;) Only time will tell...stick around ;)


	14. Fire

**TW**: NSFW!! Blood, a TON of blood, still hot tho, pain kink, Dom/sub energy, Sub is sad, Sub acts like a bitch, obvious emotional manipulation, super public degradation, sexual harassment, emotional distress, definitely some grooming here, Sub kind of does the grooming, Sub begins to manipulate others, Sub is loosing real relationships left and right, Sub is actually SUPER mean to the people she cares about, men are assholes, WOMEN are assholes, men with bad tempers, WOMEN with bad tempers, slightly more than very VERY problematic, description of death, description of literally bleeding out, description of choking to death, description of potentially necks snapping idk no spoilers but send help, kylo is more than mean, bones breaking, we are shot idk, kylo legit kills us idk, kylo throws us onto the floor, guys kylo is not nice, kylo makes us bleed a lot, he may or may not do all of this publicly, he may or may not kill our friends (r they dead tho? idk no spoilers), there is no aftercare because are we are dead? he's an asshole here, more than usual, sub uses people for sex and uses sex itself as a coping mechanism to feel better .....

WELP....I have no words for this chapter other than read the paragraph above even if you feel like you don't need to. This is the longest one yet and it is wild, fam. 

PS: ***If you have a pussy and you want it to throb, this is the song that I imagine is playing in the bar when they go in the bathroom.....whew, when the beat drops, lord help me....ikyky***

Song: 'The Buzz' by Hermitude, Malaya and TAPZ

***ALSO: if you haven't seen the cast list yet we are imagining long-haired Diego Boneta as Marco....you'll want to know that for this one.***

As always, PLEASE let me know your thoughts as you read. I live for the feedback! Seriously, you have no idea<3

You kicked the door shut behind you. You could feel his heart pounding rapidly underneath your hand as you pushed him against the wall.

You pressed your body against his. Wrapping your arms behind his neck, you pulled his face close to yours.

And kissed him.

You felt his body tense as the initial surprise swept through him. After a moment, he relaxed and wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling you closer into him.

He kissed you deeply, the emotion behind his reaction surprised you. You baited the entrance of his lips with your tongue, trying to ignite him further.

He allowed it, teasing your tongue with his as he tugged away slightly, slowing you down. His lips were soft and hungry. He let you lead the kiss while keeping your desire at bay, prolonging the movement between you. He added a little pressure to your bottom lip, sucking it lightly before bringing both of his lips back to yours. He brought his hand to your face, kissing you softly one last time as he pulled away.

Your heart fluttered unexpectedly as you met his eyes.

Holy fuck.

He was a good kisser.

You knew he was...experienced. So it made sense...

You just weren't expecting...that.

He exhaled visibly as he smiled down at you, his eyes sparkled in the dim lighting of his entryway. He brought his forehead down to yours.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that..." He rubbed your cheek with his thumb.

You shallowed loudly, your heart bouncing in your chest. It was now or never.

"Marco, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything." He pulled his head away from yours and looked you in the eyes, narrowing his gaze slightly. "Is everything ok?"

You nodded. Giving him your best seductive stare, you found your courage again.

"I need you to fuck me."

You saw his expression move through several phases of emotion in a fragment of a second.

Surprise, nervousness, confusion, excitement...

"I—" You could almost feel his heart rate accelerate. "I can do that..."

You felt heat flood through your body as his eyes fell over you hungrily.

"Then do it..." You pressed yourself into him again, wrapping your arms around his neck slowly. "...and that's a fucking order."

You felt him inhale sharply below you. He pulled you into him and kissed you again, more intently his time. Moving his hands underneath your jacket, he gripped your waist tightly. He moved his hands up to your shoulders, pushing the leather jacket down your arms. He threw the jacket on the floor and pulled away from your lips slightly, breathing heavily against them.

"Yes Ma'am..."

Your heart flipped over in your chest.

Ma'am...

You leaned away from him and looked into his eyes, now a darker shade of green.

"Get on your knees."

A flash of pure desire crossed over his face. He nodded as he knelt down in front of you, pulling your body towards him as his hands moved down your back. He moved his hands to the front of your jeans, unfastening them easily. He slid them down your hips, tugging the waist band gently. He continued to pull them down your thighs.

He stopped suddenly. "What is that...?"

You looked down.

He was face to face with the bright red 'K' on your thigh.

Shit. How had you forgotten about that? How the fuck would you explain it?

"Uh, It's a 'K'..." You hesitated, thinking quickly. "...for Kyber."

That made sense...kind of. Would he buy it?

He looked up at you, eyes wide. "You..." He shook his head. "...fucking branded yourself?"

You swallowed loudly, trying to silence the pounding inside your chest. This was too much talking. Too much thinking. You didn't want to think at all, especially not about him.

You needed to regain control of the situation. You glared down.

"Is that a problem?" You snapped.

He smirked as he sucked on his teeth lightly, pressing his tongue against the side of his mouth.

"No..." He shook his head as he brought his lips to hover over your skin. "...but it is the sexist fucking thing I've ever heard of."

He kissed your leg, moving his mouth up your thigh. You giggled lightly. The small laugh turned into a sigh as his lips moved higher. He continued pulling your jeans to the floor as he kissed up and over. He stopped in front of your black panties.

He paused, looking up at you. You narrowed your eyes.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?"

He smiled against your thigh.

"That..." He moved his hand up to the fabric between your legs, pulling it to the side slightly. "I like it when you talk to me like that..."

You sighed as the tone of his voice sent warm waves rippling down your lower body.

He moved his lips between your legs, parting you with his tongue. He found your clit immediately, pressing around it lightly. He pushed his tongue flat, adding pressure to your clit and the area around it simultaneously.

You moaned above him as he moved over you slowly, switching the pattern of his movement, centralizing the pressure as your sensitively grew and your pleasure built. The wetness hit your thighs almost instantly.

Fucking hell. His reputation was well deserved.

You got nervous immediately, hoping he wouldn't be upset at your thoughts. Your heart skipped as you remembered...

He didn't know your thoughts...He couldn't hear you. You were alone in your mind.

He wasn't Kylo Ren.

Unexpected sadness flooded through you as you thought his name.

No. This wasn't about him. You needed to stop thinking about him. This was about you. You deserved this. You deserved to be treated well. You deserved for someone to care for you. To put you first.

You deserved someone who would love you.

The uninvited word crashed through your consciencness. The dam that held your despair was crumbling quickly.

You felt your lip quiver as tears threatened to develop behind your eyes. You pushed the emotion down. You couldn't let it in. You couldn't let him in.

Where was your anger? Your hatred? You needed it. You searched your feelings frantically, but you couldn't find it.

It was moments before you realized that the movement between your legs had stopped.

You looked down.

Marco was staring up at you. His eyes were sensual, but you saw concern lingering over his features as he registered your emotion.

"Is everything ok?"

You breathed deeply. The sadness inside became more aggressive as it fought for its time in the spotlight. You bit your lip, trying to keep it from trembling. You nodded and cleared your throat.

"I'm fine." You snapped at him.

He furrowed his brows as he moved your underwear back to the side, covering you again.

He stood to his feet, wrapping his arms underneath you in transition. He picked you up swiftly, leaving your jeans and heels on the floor.

Your confidence threatened to disintegrate with your resolve, the anger that had fueled you was gone.

He brought you over to his bed and sat down on the side, with you on his lap.

"What's going on, Ky..." He whispered in your ear.

You glared at him, tying your best to maintain your false demeanor. You moved to wiggle off his lap and to your surprise, he let you go.

Right...he wasn't Kylo Ren.

You could move when you wanted to. You could speak when you wanted to. You could think when you wanted to.

You redirected your movement and adjusted to straddle him on the bed.

"Did you just ask me what's going on?" You snapped. "I thought I was pretty clear about that." You motioned down your frame, now clad in only your tank top and underwear.

He laughed a real laugh as he raised his eyebrows, looking you over as you pressed yourself into him desperately.

The sound of his laugh alone pushed the sadness inside of you backwards.

His emotion was genuine, pure. Lifegiving.

You couldn't help it. You smiled.

"What?" You tried to sound harsh as you suppressed the random urge to laugh with him. "Stop laughing at me, I'm serious."

His eyes sparkled as he watched the smile spread across your face.

"I know."

"I do want you to fuck me."

He nodded, trying not to laugh again. "I know."

You shook your head as you let yourself giggle.

"You're a fucking moron."

He chuckled again as he picked you up and flipped you onto the bed. He crawled over you and brought his lips to yours.

"That's rude, Captain..." He whispered against you as he kissed you softly. You wrapped your hands in his hair as you kissed him back.

The flutter inside your chest returned, pushing back the sudden sadness that had threatened to explode within you.

How had he done that?

He had taken you away from the brink of despair. Effortlessly.

After a moment, he pulled away. He sat up on his knees in front of you. You sensed a slight change in his energy. He was thinking hard, fighting an internal battle.

You realized what it was right before he spoke. He was nervous.

"Kyber, I was thinking..." He ran his hand through his hair. "I do want to fuck you; trust me I do. And I know I have a reputation and all..." He put air quotes around the word. "But I..." He paused, breathing deeply. "...likeyou."

The butterflies in your chest returned as you sat up to face him.

.

Wait, what was he doing?

"And I was wondering if maybe we could postpone this..." He grabbed your hand and looked up into your eyes. "...so I could take you out on a date first."

Your heart rate increased.

A date? You hadn't been on an actual date in years. Did people still go on dates?

You furrowed your eyebrows, trying to work through his words as he spoke them.

"Fuck it..." He mumbled; his nerves were obvious. "Will you go out with me?"

You stared at him in total surprise. You tried to get a hold of your thoughts and emotions. Did you want to date him?

He was certainly handsome and charismatic, and he had great sense of humor, one that fit nicely with yours. He was one hell of pilot and you knew that it would be hard to find a man more loyal to his friends and to his team.

Sure, he was cocky and perpetually sarcastic, but no one was perfect.

And of course there was the potential issue of his wildly public social life...but who were you to judge someone based off of who they had slept with?

It was clear that he cared for you, as he was obviously breaking out of his comfort zone by asking you out in the first place.

Marco was a great friend. He was a great man. Certainly one worth getting to know on a more intimate level.

But...

The Commander.

Your heart flipped again at the thought of him. You tried to skirt around the topic.

This wasn't about him. This was about you. You deserved the chance to be happy.

You mulled over the thoughts quickly as you stared into his eyes. Seeing your obvious conflict, he backtracked quickly.

"O-Or we can just fuck." He shook his head. "That's fine..."

He blinked slowly, his green eyes stared into you intensely, willing you to speak. He looked at you like you held the weight of the galaxy in your hands. He looked at you like your answer would determine the very outcome of his existence.

You were important to him.

He cared about you. He cared about what you did. He cared about what you had to say. He cared about how you felt.

And that was exactly what you deserved.

You smiled at him. "What are you doing tonight?"

A smile broke out over his face. His teeth sparkled against his tan skin, accentuating his sharp features. His brown waves fell around his face as he slid closer to you.

He was gorgeous...almost painfully so.

He shook his head he leaned into you.

"I don't know..." He brought his hands to your sides, smoothly pushing you up the bed to lean against the pillows. "Are you still an option?"

You giggled beneath him.

"Mhm..." You nodded. "I'd be offended if I were the only woman on base you hadn't slept with."

He smiled.

"It really is about time you gave in..." He brought his lips down to yours and kissed you gently. He moved his tongue slowly, interlocking with yours skillfully. He brought his hand down to cradle your face as he pulled away.

Fuck, he was good at that.

"You know I'm kidding, right?" He sat up, suddenly serious. "I mean I have been with..." He hesitated. "...others." He took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. "...but you're different, Kyber I—"

You sat up with him. You suddenly felt bad, you hadn't meant to offend him. You nodded, cutting him off.

"I know..." You smiled at him. "I didn't mean it that way..."

He looked down at your hand and flipped it over, running his fingers along your palm.

"I've liked you for a long time..." He spoke quietly, almost to himself. "I know I should have said something sooner I just...didn't think you'd take me seriously."

He looked up at you and let his eyes trail down your half naked body. His demeanor changed slightly.

"...and I do want to fuck you." You saw his breathing slow. "I want make you feel like how you make me feel every time you fucking look at me..."

You felt your own desire grow as you watched his obvious arousal brewing. You slid closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder as he spoke.

"I just want to take you out first." He exhaled loudly as he kissed the top of your head, still trying to restrain himself. "I want to be with you...but I want to prove to you that you're different. That I'm different..."

You stood up from the bed and grabbed both of his hands. You giggled as you pulled him into a standing position and wrapped your arms around his waist. He rested his arms over your shoulders.

"Well let's go then." You spoke into his chest as you hugged him. "How about dinner?"

Your stomach growled as you spoke. Gods, how did you keep forgetting to eat? Now that you thought about it...That was really unlike you...

"Although, I think we may need to make an appearance at the bar first..." You sighed as you pulled away from him. "We're already late."

He gave you a breathtaking smile. "Give me two minutes to change and we are out of here."

As he disappeared into his closet, you walked over to your jeans on the floor and pulled them on. You slipped on the heels and the leather jacket. Flipping your head upside down and running your fingers through your hair, you tried to fluff it up again.

You eyed his room as you waited, thinking through the exchange you'd just had.

How did you enter his room as raging-mad woman trying to revenge fuck and end up leaving it with a date?

It certainly wasn't part of your plan. You smiled to yourself. But fuck if you didn't feel better. Maybe Marco had given you exactly what you had needed after all...

And the night was still young...you reminded yourself. You could still fuck him.

As you thought the sentence, he reemerged from the closet.

Shit...he was hot.

His outfit was similar to yours. He was wearing jeans and a white T-shirt; his leather squad jacket was thrown over top. His black boots differed significantly from your heels, but other than that, you looked similar.

You smirked at him. "So you copied me?"

"You don't have a trademark on wearing jeans..." He rolled his eyes as he walked towards you. "I bet half of the people in the bar right now look exactly like this."

You looked him up and down, taking in the way his body moved beneath the layers. "I fucking doubt it..."

His eyes lit up as he moved closer.

"Was that..." He grabbed your waist. "...a complement?"

"Shut up..." You rolled your eyes as you wiggled out of his grip. "We're late..."

He laughed as he opened the door, leading you out into the hallway.

You faced him as you walked towards the elevator. "You know I doubt anyone else will be on time either, it was super last minut—"

Your sentence cut off as you nearly ran into the solid mass that moved to block your path. MD-80 had stepped in front of you.

You gasped and moved your hand to your chest. "Fucking hell..."

As you brought your eyes up to glare at him, you noticed he was standing in front of a cluster of your stormtroopers.

"Mistress, there you are. We've been looking all over for you..." His voice sounded relieved. "You left the training facility without warning..."

You shook your head as you pushed past him. "I'm off the clock, MD." You smirked to the troopers as you moved by them. "Have a nice night..." You grabbed Marco's hand and led him to the elevator. MD-80 wobbled behind swiftly.

"But Mistress..." He lowered his voice. "Commander Ren requests your presence in his—"

You waved your hand, anxious to cut him off before he said anything too convicting. As you waived, your heart rate increased. You thought about the Commander.

Requesting you. Waiting for you. Expecting you.

You felt your anger return.

Good. Let him wait. You had plans.

Also fuck him...

You shook your head as you pressed the button for the elevator. "I'm busy." You snapped. "He'll have to wait."

You saw Marco's head snap in your direction as you ignored the direct request. The elevator dinged and you pulled him inside of it quickly. Your stormtroopers followed you.

"So we're all going then?" You glared at them as they stood silently in the corner. "Perfect..."

"Ma'am..." MD-80 placed his hand over the sensor, stopping the elevator from moving. "W-What would you have me say?" He fidgeted nervously. "...to the Commander?"

You smiled as your anger morphed into smug satisfaction.

"Tell him..." You pushed MD-80's hand away, triggering the sensor. You finished your sentence as the door slid shut.

"...I've got a date."

_________________________

You walked in silence through the hallways as the stormtroopers followed you closely.

Once you entered the commercial district, you pivoted towards them.

"Can we get a little space now please?" You motioned around wildly. "We're outside now. There's no danger here." You pointed to the left. "That's a fucking bakery..."

You heard Marco chuckle beside you. You looked over at him. He winked at you. You smiled and returned your gaze to the troopers.

"You're off the clock..." They didn't move. You sighed. "Ok...how about a loose follow then?"

The leader with the red armband looked around slowly and nodded, allowing a sizable gap between you and them.

You rolled your eyes. "Thanks, Red."

You turned towards Marco as he moved to grab your hand. You looked around nervously. Agreeing to go on a date was one thing...holding his hand publicly was another. At the speed rumors traveled around base, it wouldn't take long for people to start speculating.

He saw the conflict on your face.

"Is this ok?" He questioned as he locked his fingers in yours.

You saw the sparkle in his eyes that came from the simple gesture. You didn't want to hurt him. And truthfully, it felt nice to hold his hand.

"Of course." You smiled. "It's a date, right?"

"Right."

You walked down the sidewalk together, the snow fell quietly around you. The streets and shops were bustling with people, the lights of every storefront were bright and inviting. You could see the bar at the end of the street, the neon lights inside lit up the corner in a lavender glow.

There was a line of people out the door, and you could hear the music even from your position a few blocks away.

You scrunched your face. "Why is it so crowded?"

Marco laughed. "Babe, it's Saturday night."

Babe.

Something about it made you equal parts giddy and equal parts uneasy.

"Right..." You nodded, forgetting.

Trooper's Pub on weeknights versus Trooper's Pub on weekends were two totally different places. During the weekdays, it was a standard bar. Still popular, but not an overly exciting venue. On weekends, however, the owners liked to capitalize on the administrative staff being off work, bringing in higher paying customers and more mass appeal.

On weekends, the bar was lit up in extra neon and live music was brought in from nearby systems. There was usually a wait, and lower ranking employees would occasionally be denied entry if the demand was too high.

Pilots always got in, as did any medical staff or ranking officers. But it you were an off duty stormtrooper or a lower ranking technician, you ran the possibility of not making the cut.

The Saturday crowd was more than you bargained for, but despite your initial surprise, you felt your excitement grow. The loud music and the energy of the large crowd was exactly what you needed.

You looked over at Marco. "I guess this really isn't the best night for a date." You squeezed his hand absentmindedly. "I'm sorry if it isn't what you had in mind..."

A wild energy flashed over his face. He looked over his shoulder at your stormtroopers as they struggled to maintain a solid line through the crowded streets behind you.

He moved out of the flow of traffic, leaning up against a streetlight. He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him.

"Are you kidding?" He looked down at you as he held your waist. "Friends, beer, music..."

He pulled you into him and leaned in to whisper in your ear, his tone suddenly low and seductive "...the fact that I had my tongue in your pussy a few minutes ago..."

You felt heat run between your thighs at his random and public directness. You inhaled sharply as you looked over your shoulder and back to him.

He leaned back again, smirking slightly as he looked into your eyes. "I can't imagine it gets much better than this..."

Your heart thumped loudly as you tried to calm the sporadic need that his tone had awoken. "I guess we'll find out..." You shook your head as you pulled him back onto the sidewalk.

As you approached the bar, you noticed dozens of heads turning in your direction.

You began to feel uneasy. You could only imagine what these people had heard about you...and now you show up to a bar holding Marco's hand with a small battalion of stormtroopers on your heels...

It wasn't a good look.

You turned to your troopers, donning your inconsistent confidence.

"There's no way in hell you're all going in, but if you insist on babysitting me, one of you may come." You glared at them. "Everyone else waits outside."

They exchanged glances briefly. After a few seconds, the leader with the red armband stepped forward, nodding to the other troopers.

"Alright then. Let's go, Red." You jerked your head, signaling the lead trooper to follow you.

You scanned the crowd outside the bar for your squad, trying to see if they already had a spot in line. As you passed the door, you heard a voice yell from inside.

"I KNEW IT!"

You squinted, trying to see through the sea of people and into the doorway. You spotted Thomas, beer in hand, scurrying out of the door towards you. A group of your teammates followed loosely behind him.

He shook his head as he approached you.

"I fucking knew it." He motioned to your hand, still locked in Marco's. "I knew you two were fucking, I called it." He punched one of the teammates in the shoulder. "I called it didn't I? I did."

He was already drunk.

You opened your mouth to speak, but Marco beat you to it.

"Tommy, maybe you should worry about your own sex life." He flashed Tom a smile. "How is your hand doing these days?"

Thomas grimaced and flipped him off. "You're an asshole." He slurred. "I'm just saying I called it, that's all."

You patted Thomas's shoulder, trying to diffuse the tension. You'd been an awful friend the past couple weeks and you wanted to use tonight to make it up to him. To all of them.

"How did you guys get in so quickly?" You looked down the line that wrapped around the block. "I thought for sure you'd still be waiting."

Thomas looked over at the teammates and back to you. He smiled widely. "Check this shit out." He motioned for you to follow him.

You moved to walk behind him, pulling Marco with you lightly. Your stormtrooper kept a close follow, staying behind you.

Thomas led you to the door of the bar where a small group of bulky, blue-faced bouncers regulated the traffic. Their wide bodies and horned heads gave off immediate 'don't fuck with us' vibes.

They looked Tom up and down and waved him inside immediately, followed quickly by the rest of your team. You looked at Marco and raised your eyebrows.

You'd never had an issue getting into the bar on a weekend, but you'd never been given priority.

You walked up to the bouncers and went to pull out your ID. Before you could take it out, they waved you and Marco inside without a second glance. Your trooper followed silently.

You scanned the bright, energetic room and found your squad crowded around the middle of the bar, taking up a huge section of the seating. They were spread out like they owned the place; rows of snacks and drinks lined the bar top in front of them.

You made your way over to them and grabbed Thomas by the shoulder, leaning in to talk over the noise of the crowd and the music.

"What the fuck is going on?"

He leaned into your ear and shrugged. "It was like this last night too!" He jerked his head towards the bouncers. "They know about us! Our position. Our new fleet. Our...Captain." He winked at you. "They all know."

You looked around the large bar. Sure enough, heads were subtly turning in your direction. You made eye contact with an uncomfortable number of bystanders in the process of scanning the room.

"I don't understand..."

He shrugged again. "You're hot shit I guess!" He pushed you on the shoulder lightly. "And that means so are we!"

The music picked up and he started swaying excitedly. He tossed back the rest of his beer and moved onto the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room. He squeezed himself through the bodies as he moved to the thumping melody.

You made eye contact with several random people as you cut your eyes away from him. Suddenly, your head hurt. You rubbed your temple, trying to silence the pounding inside.

Marco leaned into you. "I'll get us a couple drinks."

You nodded at him and watched as he greeted the rest of your team on his way to flag down the bartender.

You found yourself distracted momentarily as you watched him lean against the bar top. His leather jacket pulled tightly across his wide shoulders as his arm wrapped around the neck of a squad member.

He was laughing with them.

You found yourself smiling as you watched him from afar. He looked over at you and met your eyes. He smiled back softly.

You realized in this moment that you could see yourself with him.

You didn't have to be with a man who was aggressive or manipulative or controlling. You didn't have to be with a man who tried to kill you on a regular basis.

You could have a normal relationship. A normal sex life. A normal...boyfriend.

If you wanted it...

But did you want it?

You moved closer to him, talking to your teammates along the way. They were happy to see you, and you were happy to see them. You found Darian in the mix and gave him a hug. Things slowly started to feel normal again.

You wiggled in between the guys as Marco passed out a round of shots. Thomas saw the shots being handed out and bolted over from the dance floor. He smushed himself beside you as he grabbed one.

Marco moved on your other side and gripped your waist. You opened your mouth to protest, but before you could speak, he lifted you up and sat you on the bar top. A few of the guys whistled obnoxiously while couple random bystanders clapped.

You felt heat flush to your face as your new elevated position drew in more unwelcome attention.

"Put me down." You shook your head at him. "People are staring."

"Good." He looked up at you and let his eyes trail down your body. "They should be." He handed you a shot. It was a lemon drop. Your favorite.

He had remembered.

You smiled at him as he waved his hands, rounding up the squad into a small circle around you. He held his shot glass into the air.

"To the best fucking pilot on Starkiller..." He smiled at you. A real, genuine, beautiful smile. "...our new Captain."

The guys shouted for you, prompting additional cheers from casual spectators.

You sucked on your teeth lightly as you shook your head at them, fighting down a smile. You raised your glass and clinked it against Marco's.

You tossed the liquor back quickly, triggering an unnecessary round of applause from the squad. You giggled as you watched them take theirs.

You didn't even feel the eyes of the crowd on you as you looked down at your friends. You felt emotion grip your heart, pulling you out of the low place you didn't realize you'd been dwelling in.

Happiness. The emotion was strangely unfamiliar. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt genuinely happy.

The music changed around you, moving into a slower tempo with a heavy bass line.

Marco grabbed your hips and picked you up off of the bar. He moved his hands up your sides as he lowered you slowly. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, holding the back of his head in your hands.

The whistles from your squad went unnoticed as you brought your forehead to his. You bit your lip as you intentionally pushed down the urge to kiss him.

He smiled slightly as he noticed your lip. "That's not fair, Captain..."

You giggled as you pulled your face away from his. "My sincerest apologies, Officer."

Your laughter was short lived as you looked over his shoulder and met a particular set of eyes across the room.

Avery. He was sitting in a corner booth alone, with a row of empty glasses lined up in front of him. As you locked eyes, you saw his gaze narrow. He slid out of the booth quickly and darted towards the door.

You pulled away from Marco. "I'll be right back." You muttered under your breath as you scurried through the crowd, trying to reach Avery before he disappeared.

He moved out of the door, pushing past the bouncers and stalking down the sidewalk. He didn't look over his shoulder until you called his name.

"I know you can hear me!" You shouted at him as he walked away from you down the snowy street.

He stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around. You came up behind him quietly.

"Please talk to me..." You lowered your voice. "I-I need to know what I did wron—"

He pivoted around.

"Don't play stupid with me, Kyber." His eyes glared into yours. "You're not fucking stupid and neither am I...so you can cut the shit."

His words hit you hard. The harshness of his tone surprised you. You didn't see him angry often.

"I don't know what you're talking about." You flared your nostrils, trying to keep your own irritation at bay.

He scoffed as he turned to walk away from you. "Of course you don't..."

You felt your anger flare up suddenly.

"I'm just doing what I have to do, ok?" You grabbed his arm. "Do you think I have a choice in any of this?"

"You don't have a choice?" He turned to look at you slowly, shaking his head. "Then what the fuck are you doing with Marco?"

Your heart fell immediately. You knew where this was going.

"Does he know, Ky?" He jerked his arm away from you. "Does he fucking know?"

You shook your head. "No..." You felt tears began to populate.

"You have to tell him..." He brought his hand up to rub his forehead. "He deserves to know what you've put him up against..." He hesitated. "Who you've put him up against..."

You shook your head, trying to rationalize it for the first time. "It's nothing serious, I just..." You paused. "I just...need something different. Something I can control..."

You watched Avery's expression change. His frustration faded into something deeper, something sadder.

He came to a realization. "You're using him..."

You felt the tears build faster, threatening to fall as he called you out

"I'm not using him I just—" You couldn't find the words. Were you using him? You hadn't thought about it that way.

"You are using him..." He inhaled deeply, holding back his own emotion. "...and you're going to get him fucking killed."

Several different emotions rolled through your mind at once as his words fell over you. You settled on one. The one that was already inside of you. The one that let you feel instead of think.

Anger.

You felt the rash anger take hold of something deep inside of you, fastening itself to every fiber of your being.

"I have it under control." You spat at him. "All of it." You narrowed your gaze as you saw him look you over. The sadness in his eyes infuriated you further.

"I'm more capable than you know..." You snapped at him. "...and I can take care of myself."

You didn't need his constant judgment. You didn't need his support or his protection. You didn't need his pity or his conditional, relational security. You didn't need anything from him.

"So go ahead and leave..." You waved your hand down the street. "I don't fucking need you."

The wild emotion rolled through you, building further as his expression changed again. The hurt on his face only fueled it. He wanted you to pine for his affection. He wanted you to apologize, to change. To be normal again...to be weak again.

But you had never been normal. You had never been weak. Now more than ever, you felt like you. The realyou.

And he could either accept you for who you were or stay out of your way.

"I don't need anyone..." You glared at him. "...so get the fuck away from me."

His face tightened as he shook his head. "I don't know who you are anymore..." He mumbled under his breath as turned to walk away.

His tone pulled at your heartstrings, trying to resurrect some long-lost sentiment, but you ignored it.

"Well don't talk to me again until you figure it out." You spat behind him.

He kept walking and didn't turn around. You watched him walk down the street and disappear in the direction of the hangars.

You stood alone in the snow. The chill of the night endeavored to soak through your jacket and down into your core, but it was too late.

You were already frozen.

Glacial from the inside out, your body rejected the warmth you had felt only moments ago.

You felt sick to your stomach as the music from the bar made its way into your ears. The laughter, the talking, the cheering, all cluttered into your mind simultaneously. The bustling of the busy street around you cut into your core, sending you into a violent spiral.

The pounding of your head echoed the volume of the night, and you wanted to silence it all. Silence everything.

The unannounced rage raced through you as you felt the sudden urge to burn it to the ground.

The entire fucking district.

You let your eyes fall over the masses of people as they moved around you like water around a rock. They moved in slow motion as you watched their faces. For a moment you felt like you could break into their consciences, feel their intentions if you tried.

You didn't know them, but suddenly, you hated them.

You hated their watchful eyes and their slippery lips. You hated their provisional praise and their inconsistent allegiances.

You hated their energy. You hated the way they felt.

Weak.

So fucking weak it made you want to scream.

You closed your eyes and imagined exploiting the tiny bit of energy they had collectively, bending it to your will, breaking it...

Making it your own.

As you stood in the cold, the noise of the crowd behind you faded. You felt your senses dial, expanding further into the night. You reached out into the darkness that called you.

The world around you silenced itself. The only sound in your ears was the light thump of the snow that fell around your heels. You didn't hear the crowd, but you heard every snowflake, each one making a unique impact with the ground below your feet.

You felt the power slowly at first. Your fingers swayed lightly as the dark energy crept inside. You smiled as the feeling grew, spreading into your palms and up into your arms. You inhaled sharply as you felt it move into your chest and down your legs, reaching over you like an internal shadow.

The Dark Side of the Force moved through you freely. It inhabited you, it dominated you, it owned you.

But you owned it.

You wanted to chase this feeling forever. You wanted to nurture it, feed it, let it grow inside of you until you became the very definition of power.

In this moment you felt unobtainable. Untouchable. You felt like this was who you were meant to be.

You weren't like them. You weren't normal.

You were better.

Fuck every single one of them. And fuck anyone who had made you believe that being normal was a desirable attribute.

You realized in this moment, that normal would never be enough for you.

You let your lingering anger power the Force inside of you. You didn't want to give it up, but you knew you couldn't stand outside forever.

Even as you opened your eyes and let the mysterious power dissipate, the feeling inside you remained. It was yours. It was inside you and you would harness it again.

Adrenaline pumped rapidly through your veins as you turned to walk back into the bar. Your hands shook as the remaining power ricocheted through your body. You felt strong. Capable. Confident.

You fed off of the hostility that lingered in the air as you rushed back inside the pub, your heart pounded rapidly in your chest.

You felt like a new person. A powerful person. A person who could take whatever the fuck she wanted, whenshe wanted.

And you knew what you wanted.

You spotted Marco at the bar, goofing off with a stack of playing cards and shot glasses. His face lit up as he saw you approach.

Adrenaline pushed through you as you made your way to him. He waved you over.

"So Tom had this idea to make a tower out of these and I think if we—" he stopped mid-sentence as he saw the look in your eyes.

You kept eye contact with him as you reached over and picked up an unclaimed shot of vodka from the bar top. You tossed it back and grabbed his hand, pulling him away from the bar.

He caught your vibe immediately and threw the playing cards on the seat as he followed you through the crowd. The music thumped loudly as you led him into the back hallway. You pushed the door to the bathroom open.

The small, single room refresher was nearly the size of a closet and held only a toilet and a small sink. The dark walls were covered in various forms of graffiti and the overhead light was busted slightly, giving off only partial light that flickered randomly to the vibrations from the music outside of the door.

You pushed Marco inside and locked the door behind you.

You stared into his eyes. The dim, flickering light cast wicked shadows over the small area, highlighting his face at different angles.

The dark energy raged inside of you, pushing heat into the previously frozen sections of your body. You looked into his soul as you slid your jacket off your shoulders seductively.

This date was fucking over. It was time to take what you wanted.

You narrowed your eyes as you lowered your voice. "Remember when you said you liked me?"

You could see his breathing slow as he took you in. You could feel his arousal. You could feel his nerves. You could feel his need.

And you controlled it all.

"Y-Yes..." He nodded, swallowing visibly.

You turned and placed your hands on his chest, pressing him up against the wall. Your backside rested against the sink as you reached up with both hands to grab the back of his neck, pulling his face down to yours.

"I want you to fuck me like you don't." You whispered.

You felt his body respond immediately as he tensed below your hands. He moved on you quickly, pushing his lips against yours.

You kissed him aggressively, pressing your body against his. You moved your hands over his shoulders and pushed his jacket to the floor. You ran your hands under his shirt, touching down his bare chest and pressing your fingers firmly over the defined muscles. You reached the top of his belt and made quick work of his pants, undoing them effortlessly.

You reached down inside the opening you'd created and brought your hand over his hard length.

He moaned against your lips as you felt him.

You registered his size as you worked over him, feeling him grow even harder beneath you. He was big. Reallybig.

Not the biggest you'd ever had...that title was still held by—

You cut off your train of thought.

You pulled away from Marco, smirking slightly as you rubbed him.

"Now I definitely know where that reputation comes from..."

He shook his head as he gave you a seductive smile. "Not yet you don't..."

As he spoke, he pushed you back against the sink, unfastening your jeans quickly. He pushed them to the floor as he knelt in front you.

He pulled your underwear to the side and brought his mouth to you. He pressed his tongue against your clit, swirling over it expertly, just like before.

The loud music drowned out the moans that slipped through your lips as he worked below you. He slid one hand up your stomach and over your breast. Dipping under the lining of your tank top, he moved under the padding of your bra, rotating his middle finger over your nipple.

He moved with you as your pleasure built, pulling the strap of your tank top down with your bra, he exposed your breast. He increased the pressure between your legs as he rolled over your newly exposed nipple.

You whimpered as you looked down into his eyes. You felt yourself begin the climb.

"Fuck me." You wiggled away from his mouth. "Now."

He nodded, kissing up your thigh as he stood to his feet.

"Yes Ma'a--"

"Just fucking do it." You snapped as you cut him off.

He inhaled sharply at your tone and picked you up, placing you on the sink. You kicked off your heels and shimmied out of your jeans completely. He pulled your underwear further to the side and spread your legs as he moved between them. Reaching into his jeans, he paused, bringing his eyes up to yours as he pulled himself out and placed himself at your entrance.

You took a deep breath as you looked down at it. There was no going back now. You nodded at him.

He wrapped his arms around your back as he pushed himself inside of you.

You gasped as he stretched you, his hand moved down to grip your ass as he pushed into you further.

The music thumped over your cries as you wrapped your legs around his waist. You leaned back against the vanity, propping yourself up with your arms.

You closed your eyes as you let him have you. The pleasure was there, pulsing happily between your thighs.

But it wasn't enough.

You opened your eyes and looked into his.

"Harder." You snapped at him.

His eyes sparkled in the dim light. His breathing increased at your command and he moved his hands to your hips, gripping them tightly as he pushed into you more aggressively.

You sighed and closed your eyes, focusing on his fingers as they gripped your hips. His hands felt nice. His grip felt nice.

But it wasn't strong enough.

"I said..." You gasped as he pushed into you. "...fucking harder."

He moaned as he picked you up and flipped you over, leaning you over the sink. He pushed himself into you from behind and moved a hand to the back of your head, pressing your face against the mirror.

You gasped loudly as your face hit the glass.

That was more like it.

He wrapped his other hand around your waist, dipping it down under your panties and over your clit. He moved his middle finger over you, circling your sensitive spot.

You inhaled forcefully as you pushed your body back against his, allowing him more access.

As your climb began again, you felt an unfamiliar disturbance roll through you. The air left your chest suddenly as you registered the shift in energy.

You felt him.

Kylo Ren.

He knew.

Blinding rage rolled through your body swiftly.

You should have been afraid at the change in emotion, but you weren't. What you were feeling was not an extension of your emotion, but of his.

'Angry' was not a word that could adequately quantify the emotion you felt from him. The violent surge of energy that swept over your body wasn't a word, but an object.

Fire.

Raging, uncontrollable fire. Full of heat, passion, destruction, and death...

You felt his rage spread like a wildfire as it burned through you.

You didn't know where he was, but it didn't matter. You felt him just as if he were inches away. You felt him just as if he were the one inside of you.

You inhaled sharply as Marco slowed his pace, pushing up into you harder. He alternated the pressure around your clit. You moaned loudly; the music blanketed over the sound.

Still bridged to the mind of the Commander, you felt the violent emotion torment his conscience.

You felt his pain.

He felt your pleasure.

You sighed as you leaned back into Marco as he fucked you. You brought your eyes up to the mirror in front of you, staring at your reflection for the first time in days.

You looked different. Stronger. Sharper.

Darker.

You saw the power in your gaze, the darkness nearly visible to the human eye as it radiated off of you. As you looked into your own eyes, you knew you were also looking at the Commander. He saw what you saw. You smirked at your reflection.

You felt the Commander's rage spiral into a place you couldn't see.

"How's that for nothing..." You whispered out loud.

As soon as the words left your lips, the connection broke. Suddenly, the Commander was gone.

He had shut you out.

"What?" Marco groaned behind you. "Did you say something, Babe?"

Fuck. You'd spoken out loud.

You looked into Marco's eyes through the reflection as he moved inside of you.

You played it off. "I said, harder."

He smirked at you as he pushed you into the sink, taking his hand off your clit, he gripped your ass roughly. He took his other hand and wrapped it into your hair, pulling aggressively.

You moaned.

Better.

But still not enough...

You pressed yourself back against him, rocking your hips to meet his thrusts. He groaned behind you as you tossed your head back into his chest and stared at him in the mirror.

"Choke me." You whispered.

You saw his eyes widen through the reflection. The loud music bumped in the background as pure desire and excitement flashed over his expression.

He hesitated.

"I said choke me." You gasped against him. "I won't fucking ask you again."

He brought his hand over your chest and wrapped it around your throat, tightening his grip and using it as leverage to push deeper inside of you.

You closed your eyes and focused on the sensations. Before you could stop yourself, the position reminded you of something. Of someone.

Kylo.

You remembered the way he had moved behind you in the glass hallway, the way he had pressed his arm against the back of your neck...the way he had grabbed your throat as he fucked you for the first time.

You remembered the way it had felt coming on his cock. The way he had made you melt around him. You remembered the way he had bruised you, the soreness you had felt the next day.

You knew you shouldn't think of him. But it was too late.

You imagined the hand on your throat was his. Instantly, you were back in the glass hallway. The man inside of you was him.

You moaned as your orgasm approached quickly.

Marco slipped his hand between your legs again, guiding you to the edge. You pushed yourself against him, rotating your hips in rhythm with his fingers on your clit.

You felt him tense behind you as he neared his own climax.

You gasped loudly as you came. Your legs shook as you gripped the side of the sink for support. Writhing from the release, you clenched around him.

"Fuck..." He groaned your name into your ear as he came with you, bringing the hand around your throat down to your hips.

You breathed heavily together as you stood in silence, still drifting down from the high. You leaned back against him as he sank down to sit on the floor, pulling out of you and bringing you down to sit on his lap.

He shook his head.

"Holy shit, Ky." he ran his fingers through your hair. "Do you always fuck like that?"

You giggled against his chest. "Is that a problem?"

He kissed the top of your head. "It's the furthest possible thing from a problem."

The afterglow of your orgasm began to fade. Your head filled with clarity as it floated down. An uneasy feeling swept through you suddenly. Something had changed, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

You had a strange feeling that you didn't have much time.

"Does something feel..." You sat up straight. "...off to you?"

He squinted and looked around. You both widened your eyes as you realized what had changed.

The music had stopped.

The sounds behind the door began to transform dramatically. You strained your ears as you leaned in, listening intently.

The sound of inaudible shouting and loud shuffling echoed outside the door. You jumped as a loud crash shook the bar, followed by muffled screams. You gasped as you both looked towards the door.

Fear washed over you like a tidal wave.

It was him.

You looked into Marco's eyes and shook your head violently. "We need to get out of here...now."

You slid off of his lap and jumped to your feet, snatching your jeans off the floor.

"What's going on?" He stood with you, still straining to hear behind the door. "What is it?"

You tried your best to adjust your bra and tank top. Your hands shook as you went to fasten your jeans. You kept missing the button, your fingers unable to steady their grip.

He swatted your fingers away as he placed his own hands on your button, fastening them for you.

You felt your chest rise and fall rapidly as silence swept over the bar outside. You watched him move to latch his belt back into place.

"It's him..." You whispered as you looked into Marco's eyes. "The Commander..."

"Ren?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't understand..."

You felt tears accumulate in your eyes as you stared at him. "He's here for me..."

He looked at you softly, finally understanding. "So the rumors are true then..."

As he spoke, a loud bang echoed through the refresher as something heavy struck the door from the outside.

You felt tears begin to fall as the possible consequences of your actions began to manifest.

"I'm so sorry..." You tossed your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. "Marco, I'm so sorry."

He brought his hand to your face.

"I'm not..."

He moved his lips down to yours, kissing you softly as the door to the refresher flew off its hinges, slamming loudly into the back wall.

Commander Ren stood in the open doorway.

Your stormtroopers stood behind him.

Marco pulled his lips from yours and moved to stand in front of you, pushing you behind him quickly.

You felt your heart fall at the sight of the masked Commander. Even though he had cut you off from the channel into his mind, you could still feel the wrath radiating off of him.

His raging fire burned bright.

He didn't move a finger as he used the Force to throw Marco against the far wall violently. He held him there with his invisible strength, ignoring him as he walked towards you swiftly. He grabbed you by the throat, lifting you up and slamming you against the opposite wall.

Your bare feet dangled above the ground as you struggled to breathe.

"K-Kylo..." You gasped under his grip. "Let me g-go..."

He only gripped you tighter. You felt the corners of your eyes begin to blacken, as the oxygen deprivation began to take its toll on your consciousness.

You could feel him again.

All of him.

His anger was unquantifiable. You'd never felt an emotion so raw, so intense.

Terror washed over you as you felt his intentions. There was no point in talking to him. He had already made up his mind.

You were going to die here.

He leaned into you and loosened his hold.

"No." He snarled. "Not here..."

As he spoke, he dropped you to your feet violently. He moved his hand to grip the back of your head. Wrapping your hair in his fist, he dragged you out of the door by your hair.

You inhaled forcefully, trying to fill your lungs while you struggled to keep up with his pace. His grip on your hair threatened to scalp you as he pulled you painfully.

People scattered quickly, clearing a path as he dragged you into the middle of the bar. You felt hundreds of eyes on you as he released his grip, throwing you to the floor.

"...here."

Your hands hit the hard floor, breaking your fall. You felt the bone in your left wrist crack.

You gasped as the pain pierced your mind. You moved to sit up on your knees, but the Commander moved on you quickly, kicking you sharply in the side and pushing you back to the floor.

The pain rolled through you aggressively as your body registered the impact from his boot. You rolled over on your back, gasping as you sat up, trying not to lean on your broken wrist for support.

Before you had a chance to regroup, you were pulled to your feet by his invisible power. You doubled over as the movement strained your ribs. The stabbing sensation threatened to pull you from consciousness. You leaned over your side, gasping violently.

The Force around your body tightened, making you stand up straight.

You cried out as the pressure tightened over your body, the agony pushed you to the brink of a blackout.

He walked up to you.

"Louder..."

You looked up at him, meeting his masked gaze.

"W-" You breathed, barely forming the sound as sharp pain moved up your side. "W-What?"

As the word left your lips his hand connected with your jaw, knocking you to the floor again as the pressure left your side.

You tasted the blood as it accumulated in your mouth. You rolled over onto all fours, flinching as your wrist took on the weight of your body.

"Scream louder..." He growled.

As you looked up, you saw the Commander looming above you. He stood motionless; his rage radiated over every surface in the bar.

The crowd looked on in shock as you spit the blood out on the floor below you. You felt it roll down your neck and soak into neckline of your white tank top.

You scanned the faces in the bar, finding the familiar ones quickly.

Your squad looked on in absolute horror as the Commander paced around you. You could feel their anger. You could feel their fear. Darian had his arms wrapped around Thomas, holding him back as he fumed.

They knew if they interfered, they would die too. You suddenly feared for them.

You were so fucking stupid.

How could you have put them in this position?

Would he kill them as well?

"I haven't decided..." He growled above you as he leaned over and grabbed you by the back of your hair again, pulling you to your feet.

The pain in your side was so intense you began to feel numb. You swayed on your feet as he released your hair.

He hit you again. This time when you fell to the floor, you barely felt it. The adrenaline provided temporary numbness as you maneuvered back to your knees, leaning over as the blood rolled down your neck and over your chest.

As the Commander walked towards you again, a voice spoke up from the crowd.

"That's enough, Commander."

He pivoted sharply, turning to face the direction of the voice.

Marco stood behind him.

Your heart sank as you watched him move closer. You saw your squad shift in your peripherals as they registered his choice.

He held out his palm, trying to calm the Commander.

"This is my fault." He shook his head as he stepped closer. "Not hers."

You felt the tears roll down your face as his words fell over the silent bar. You saw the Commander's fists clench as Marco looked down at you.

You shook your head, signaling him to stop talking. He made eye contact with you. His gaze was soft, peaceful even.

"It's ok." He spoke to you. "You're ok..."

The Commander turned towards him and waved his hand, pulling Marco into the air.

"Don't fucking talk to her." He snarled as he tightened the grip around his throat.

Marco grabbed at his neck, trying to claw his way out of the hold. You saw his temple twitch as the Commander increased the pressure.

He was killing him.

You shuffled to your feet, adrenaline still suppressing your agony.

"Kylo, please..." you whimpered as you moved closer towards him. "Don't."

You heard the crowd inhale collectively as you used his first name.

The Commander turned towards you again. He twitched his head, wrapping you in his invisible power and pulling you across the floor towards him. He stopped you directly in front of Marco, still hovering off of the floor.

You felt your body shake as you stared up at Marco. His face was pale as he struggled to breathe.

"Do you want to save him?" You heard the Commander walk up behind you. "Then tell him whose you are." He snapped.

The tears fell freely, running down your cheeks. You fought against the hold around you, turning your head to the Commander.

"Please, Kylo...I'm yours." You shook your head as you looked into the mask. "Yours, only yours."

He took a step closer. Waving his hand, he pushed your head around, forcing you to stare up at Marco.

"Don't tell me." He growled. "Tell him."

Marco inhaled violently as the Commander loosened the pressure around his throat. Your lip quivered as you met his eyes.

Sweat glistened over his forehead, rolling down the side of his face. His eyes bore into yours, communicating with you silently.

You felt yourself exhale loudly, trying to catch your breath as your body threatened to hyperventilate.

"Tell him..." The Commander snarled as he added pressure to Marco's throat again, lifting him further off the ground. "Or I'll snap his fucking neck."

You trembled as you saw the veins of Marco's neck turn blue as the Commander increased the pressure.

Your body shook as you looked up at him. Your own emotion piled up quickly as you watched him fight for his life.

"I-I'm sorry..." Tears rolled down your cheeks as you looked into his green eyes. "I'm his..." you whispered.

The Commander moved closer and leaned into your ear.

"Good girl..."

As he spoke, he twitched his fingers.

You heard a cracking sound as Marco's body went limp in front of you.

You stared in horror as the Commander threw his body back against the bar. The crowd around you gasped collectively. You heard the familiar voices scream as the blur of shock shifted around you.

You dropped to your knees as the pressure around your body released. Your hands smacked the hard floor. You didn't feel the pain anymore. You stayed on all fours, hyperventilating as you registered what had just happened.

You breathed in rapidly, your blood and tears dripped to the floor below you. You sobbed as you turned your head, looking over at the body beside you.

Was he dead? He had to be...

You moved your eyes away, unable to look any longer.

Pain washed through you. Internal and external agony tormented your soul. Pure heartbreak rolled through your consciousness, destroying every other thought in your mind.

The dam that been holding your emotion crumbled, breaking down ancient barriers inside of you. As you looked at the Commander's boots, the pain pushed you into a new place.

Angry wasn't the word.

Anger couldn't define what pushed through your veins as you shook on the floor.

It was something more.

It wasn't a word. It was an object.

Fire.

A volcano that had always been there, but had been dormant, had now erupted. You felt nothing but its heat. The darkness inside of you ignited the flames further as the fire raged through your body.

You felt the power radiate from your core as you jumped to your feet.

Only seconds passed, but they seemed to move in slow motion.

You screamed as you extended your hand, pushing the Force out of your body and wrapping it around the hilt of the Commander's lightsaber. You yanked your hand back, pulling the weapon from his hip and through the air, into your open hand. You ignited the saber.

The red blade crackled in front of your face, sending a crimson glow over your features.

You felt the Commander's anger dissipate slightly as surprise took its place. He rotated towards you as you took a step backwards, holding the saber in front of you.

Your hands didn't shake.

Your tears didn't fall.

You felt nothing.

No sadness. No pain. No fear.

Nothing existed other than the fire that burned inside of you.

You felt the Commander's disbelief grow as he registered what you'd done. You felt him search your mind, looking for an explanation.

He backed away slightly as he felt the flames inside of you.

"That's right, asshole." You gritted your teeth as you glared at him. "I told you I felt it."

The crowd moved into a panic. Some screamed and ran towards the exit, others lingered, watching excitedly as the events unfolded.

You saw your small group of stormtroopers shuffle in front of the Commander, moving towards you. They pulled out their weapons.

You whipped your head around, eyeing the exit behind you. You turned and disappeared into the crowd. They moved out of your way quickly as you bolted out of the door and onto the street. The stormtroopers chased you, the Commander tight on their heels.

The icy atmosphere of Starkiller soaked into your lungs as you hit the cold night air. The snow melted below your bare feet as you backed into the crowded street. People shouted and moved out of your way as they saw the stormtroopers close in on you, aiming their weapons.

The snow fell over you, melting immediately as the cold flakes hit your exposed shoulders.

You didn't care. You didn't feel it.

The Commander stormed out of the bar, following the battalion.

The crowd from the bar filtered out into the street, eagerly awaiting the coming conflict.

You whipped your head around, eyeing the stormtroopers as you brought the red saber up into an offensive position.

You'd never fought with a weapon before. But the saber in your hand didn't feel like a weapon at all. It felt like a part of you. An extension of your own arm. As you swung it around your body, you felt like it was the most natural thing in the world. The power inside of the blade felt similar to the power inside of your body. They merged together perfectly.

You reached out further and felt into the minds of the stormtroopers.

You smirked. They were weak.

You could read them like fucking books. You felt their intentions before they even moved. You knew where their shots would go before they even took them.

"Let's go fuckers." You snapped at them. "I hate you all anyway..."

The lead stormtrooper with the red armband led the charge and approached you, blaster pointed at your chest. He fired.

"You too, Red?" You spat as you blocked his first shot with the red blade. "I thought we were friends..."

You reached out with your hand and wrapped the Force around his blaster. You jerked it back and threw it into the closest building, smashing it over the heads of the bystanders.

A few of them cheered while an equal amount of them screamed, ducking for cover from the scattered parts that fell over them.

You didn't even hear them as you watched the red trooper fall back into the line. You were focused on the Commander as he paced towards you.

You felt everything from him.

He was still angry, but now, a new emotion was present in his mind.

Curiosity.

He was letting you live. He wanted to see what you'd do.

"Then come find out!" You shouted at him.

As you yelled, you felt the motion of your jaw trigger the bleeding in your mouth. You spit the newly accumulated blood into the snow. The red splatter soaked through the white surface.

You still didn't feel anything.

The stormtroopers shot at you from afar. You blocked the shots. You moved into the middle of the street in front of the bar as they moved closer in their formation, adjusting in front of the Commander. The firing continued and you struggled to divide your attention as the blasts came faster.

You gasped as a shot grazed your arm.

Warm blood ran down your arm from the wound. Your white tank top was nearly red as your shoulder added to the blood the garment had already soaked up.

You swung the saber more aggressively as they moved to surround you, firing at a closer range.

Another shot hit your thigh.

You fell to your knees as the blast burnt through you. You started to feel the blood soak through your jeans as you stood to your feet, still blocking the blasts as the troopers moved in on you.

Your fire burned bright, warding off the physical and mental pain that knocked on the door of your mind.

You struggled to fight the stormtroopers at the closer range, unable to calculate their moves and formulate your reactions fast enough.

You reached out with the Force and pushed a few of them backwards into the snow, breaking the circle around you.

As their formation broke, you saw the Commander staring at you through the gap.

You felt his anger, his confusion, his conflict.

He wanted to kill you. You had felt it.

So why hadn't he?

Did he want the stormtroopers to do it?

You stopped moving momentarily as you stared at him across the snow. You imagined looking into his eyes below the mask.

Your fire burned brighter as you imagined his face on yours. Your thoughts distracted you long enough for a stormtrooper to set up a direct shot.

You fell to your knees as the blast hit you in the shoulder. You dropped the saber on the ground as you finally felt the effects of the trauma your body had endured. The blade slipped back inside the hilt.

You looked down at the hole in your upper shoulder. The blood flowed down your chest and pooled over the drenched tank. The snow around you slowly changed into a crimson pond as the cumulative blood loss from your leg and your chest moved on you quickly. You felt lightheaded.

You were bleeding out.

The stormtroopers surrounded you. One of them handed their blaster to the red leader. The red armed trooper walked towards you slowly.

You looked towards the Commander.

"Coward!" You tried your best to shout, but the words trailed as you felt your mind slipping. The blood loss was becoming impossible to ignore.

You were dying.

"Y-You could at least kill me y-yourself." You gasped as you doubled over, trying to fight off the blackness that moved to claim your mind.

The red trooper moved into a firing position. You looked up at him.

"F-Fuck you, Red." You gasped as you struggled to breathe.

The Commander held up his hand, signaling the stormtroopers to stand down.

But it was too late.

The red trooper fired a shot directly into your chest.

As you fell backwards onto the snow, you didn't feel pain.

You felt emotion.

You felt the crowd's collective shock.

You felt the red leader's smug pride.

You felt the Commander's sudden and aggressive fear.

As you let the blackness claim you, you felt a set of strong, frantic arms pick you up off of the snow.

The last thing to float into your consciences was the scent of leather and amber.

And the warmth of the fire inside of you.

***How y'all doing, GIVE ME THOSE THOUGHTS I'M DYING...............


	15. Worth It

**TW**: NSFW. Dom/sub energy, Sub is sad, Sub acts like a bitch, obvious emotional manipulation, emotional distress, Sub is loosing real relationships left and right, Sub is actually SUPER mean to the people she cares about, men are assholes, WOMEN are assholes, men with bad tempers, WOMEN with bad tempers, slightly more than very VERY problematic, description of death, description of medical trauma/ procedures, description of literal wounds, guys kylo is not nice, kylo makes us sad, we make kylo sad, this one is really heavy emotionally, I kind of cried writing this one, emotional manipulation but idk, does he love us or is he a dick? maybe both, we don't know, we don't find out, we fight, there is yelling and cursing and gaslighting and TRAUMA, marriage story but make it kylo, wall punching, my therapist hated this chapter more than the last one, kind of worse than the physical abuse idk, this one is VERY heavy emotionally so maybe steer clear if you struggle with toxic relationships/ verbal altercations/fighting, you'll probably be sad then happy then sad then happy then confused, we get to see him fuck us up emotionally this time, why do we stan this man so hard idk...

*This one is special to me! It's my version of a 'Bottle Episode' and is an important filler chapter! I've been waiting to highlight Kylo more as a character and embed him deeper into Y/N's character arc. We are starting to dig into who space daddy is and how I think he would act in an actual relationship while keeping him true to character. There are MULTIPLE POV CHANGES in this chapter so please pay attention to the headers!

**I did my best to do some research on the medical stuff in this part but that is NOT my background at ALL...so if it doesn't track let's not be dicks about it.

***Also there is no smut in this one for obvious reasons...BUTTTT there is not much in this WORLD that turns me on more than Adam Driver yelling. I tried to write their fight around his performance in marriage story. So try to picture those vibes when you get there.

****Sorry for all the notes on this one...but as always I CRAVE your feedback! I live for it so please let me know your thoughts as you go! Happy reading! <3

___________________________

KYLO'S POV

___________________________

The room was dark except for the large hologram that sat in the middle of the elevated pedestal. 

The face of the sizeable figure was obstructed as he slouched forward on the transparent throne. On a lower platform, Commander Ren knelt before him, his masked gaze focused on the floor.

The haunting hologram bent lower on the throne.

"You've been reckless, Commander." The cold voice echoed through the large, dim chamber. "I told you she was your responsibility..."

The Commander's head rose to meet the gaze from the elevated hologram as it continued.

"Are you still capable of grooming the asset..." The clouded figure snarled. "...or have your personal endeavors gotten in the way?"

"She will be ready, Supreme Leader."

"And what of your feelings, my young apprentice..." The figure leaned back. "...I feel your conflict. Your pain. Tell me..." He paused. "...does sentiment cloud your judgment?"

"I have it under control." The Commander snapped.

"See to it that you do." The transparent being crouched forward. "We can't afford another setback such as this one..."

The Commander nodded. "Yes, Supreme Leader."

"If she survives, I've arranged for her to be...moved...for your...convenience."

"I understand..." The Commander stood to his feet as the figure waved his hand, dismissing him. He turned to stalk towards the exit.

"Passion, Master Ren..." The dark voice echoed through the chamber. "...is one the widest paths to the Dark Side." The hologram began to flicker. "You can let it destroy her, or you can let it strengthen her. The choice is yours."

The Commander turned to face the figure once more as the haze of the hologram faded, leaving him alone in the dark chamber.

__________________________________

He walked into the room he'd been avoiding for the past two days.

The private med suite was large and spacious. The far wall was covered in glass windows, filling the room with bright, natural light that sparkled over the all-white surfaces.

She liked glass walls. He huffed as he entered the space, irritated that he knew that.

Dr. Rivers stood in the corner, eyeing the monitor. She shook her head as he entered.

"I was wondering when I'd see you, Commander..." She checked her watch. "...you took longer than I thought..."

He entered silently; his eyes fixated on the bed.

"Is she lucid?"

"No, Sir..." The doctor put her chart on the table. "At least we don't think so..."

He stepped closer to the doctor.

"What do you mean you don't think so?" He snapped. "Is she fucking awake or not?"

The doctor shook her head, donning a more professional mannerism as she detected the Commander's frustration.

"We don't believe her to be lucid, Commander." She moved towards the patient on the bed. "She will attempt to speak or move occasionally, but we believe them to be purely reflex activities."

He turned away from the doctor and walked over to the corner of the room near the patient, keeping an awkward distance. He stared at the woman on the bed. He watched her bandaged chest move up and down gradually, falling in sync with the low hum of the machines.

"She's strong..." Dr. Rivers spoke again, sensing his discomfort. "I've never seen anyone fight as hard as she has..." She walked over to the patient and peaked underneath the bandage, checking the wound.

The Commander tensed as she spoke, trying to suppress the emotion her words triggered.

"Not even you..." She chuckled to herself. "How many blaster wounds would you say I've mended for you over the years, Commander?"

He looked at the doctor silently. He wasn't interested in being consoled by her. Not today.

Dr. Rivers was the Commander's private surgeon. Ever since he'd joined the First Order, she had been his exclusive care provider. Over the years she had gotten more comfortable around him, speaking more freely and taking liberties she shouldn't...

But even so, he trusted her with his health and more importantly, he trusted her discretion. He wasn't big on trust or change...or healthcare for that matter.

"How long..." He spoke quietly. "...until she's awake?"

The doctor looked over the woman intently.

"I'm keeping her under until her body has a chance to heal properly. I can't tell you when that will be. My guess is a week or two." She brushed the patients arm lightly. "If she's ready, she'll wake sooner."

She looked up suddenly as she spoke, the slight wrinkles that framed her round face scrunched together in abrupt disapproval.

"But whatever you have planned for her...cancel it" She glared at him. "She's not out of the woods yet. If she decides to stop fighting..." She shook her head. "...she'll never wake up."

He felt his heart rate increase unexpectedly.

"And for the record..." She paused. "I don't like the idea of moving her..." The doctor narrowed her eyes. "It's best that she stay here for her recovery—"

The Commander waved his hand, cutting off her sentence.

"That's not my decision." He snapped. "And you'd be wise to not question whose it is..."

The doctor pursed her lips and nodded reluctantly, moving towards the exit. "I'll leave you to it then..." She opened the door. "Let me know if you need anything further."

The Commander watched the door close quietly. He looked over at the bed as his heart pounded aggressively. He moved closer until he was standing directly above her.

He felt his emotional fatigue escalate as he watched her breathe slowly. Her chest was wrapped in layers of bandages, her body covered in white blankets from the waist down. The swelling on her face had decreased significantly, but the red marks under her eye and on her jaw remained.

Her lips were full and pink, her cheeks flushed as she drifted in her unconscious dream state.

Beautiful. Even now...

He tensed at the unwelcome thoughts. His eyes moved over her face gradually, taking her in. They lingered on her lips. He felt his pulse quicken.

Even in this state her aurora was nearly tangible. He felt as if he could reach out and grab it. Her energy had always called to him, summoned him, begged for him...

But things had changed. Her darkness was separate from his now. She had found it on her own.

Fucking finally...

He had felt something building within her, he had felt the power she held; an imminent eruption awaiting the right catalyst.

He'd been trying to ignite it for weeks. She had come so close, so many times...but had never managed to take ownership of her own abilities. He was tired her constant need to be triggered, her constant need for stimulation.

But after finally seeing the fire burn inside of her, he knew those services would no longer be required. In one single night, she had utterly shattered his expectations. He knew his task was nearly complete.

And yet he had seen her future...

He knew her potential.

Their potential...

The Supreme Leader was wise. Had he seen it too? Had he known the conflict she would bring in her stubborn, relentless stride?

He reached up and unlatched his mask, setting it on the side table gently, quietly as if the sound of the metal touching would pull her from the medically induced blackness.

He knelt down beside the bed. Looking at her now with his own eyes, it was hard to believe he had wanted to hurt her. Kill her. But he had.

She had humiliated him. Embarrassed him. Betrayed him...

He had been so furious with her. Truthfully, he still was. But every ounce of resentment had gone out the window the second he watched the blast hit her chest. He only recalled being that afraid a handful of times in his life.

His anger flashed randomly as he thought about the red leader. He smirked internally. The trooper had gotten what he deserved shortly after...

He continued gazing down her form, soaking in her energy. He took a deep breath as he reached into her mind.

She was dreaming.

Naboo.

He exhaled loudly.

Always fucking Naboo.

She was in the flowers again, sitting in the middle of the meadow. Her hair was pinned up as she worked her fingers over the petals in her lap. She giggled as she wove them together into a small crown.

She put on the crown, securing it in the pieces of hair that framed her face. She looked over at the man beside her.

"What do you think?" She beamed at him. "Princess or queen?"

The pilot smiled at her as he pushed her back into the grass. "Neither..." He kissed her softly, pulling away to speak against her lips. "...how about...goddess?"

The Commander stood up quickly, pulling out of her dream and backing away from the bed. His chest heaved rapidly as he felt his anger build. His lip twitched as he tried to steady his thoughts. 

She had been his. She had promised that she was only his. And yet now she dreamt of another...

He should have seen it coming. He had let his feelings cloud his judgment. He had compromised the Supreme Leader's plan all over petty, childish jealously. Jealously brought on by a trivial, unwanted infatuation.

Infatuation that didn't matter now. His work was nearly complete.

He cut his eyes back to her. Against his better judgement, he reached out into her dream again.

She was still kissing the man above her. She giggled as she rolled on top of him, straddling him and bringing her face to loiter above his, her pinned hair fell around her shoulders.

"How about...Master?" She whispered.

The Commander felt his heart rate increase as he registered the features of the body below her.

The man had changed, morphed into someone else.

Him.

He watched the dream version of himself wrap his arms around her. He pulled her back down to the grass beside him, rolling on top of her. He moved to hover his lips over hers.

"How about...Empress?"

Her eyes glistened darkly. "That's the one I think..." She tugged on his shirt, bringing him down into a deep kiss.

The Commander pulled himself from her mind as his emotion took a violent turn. He hated the feeling.

He'd rather be angry.

He walked over to her bedside again and brought his hand to rest on the white blankets as he stared down at her. Her peaceful face cut into his soul, carving out dormant senses he didn't know himself capable of. Her energy was inexplicably aligned with his. It had been from the very beginning.

She made him erratic, unstable...fucking insatiable. He craved her. In every way.

Her power, her spirit, her...body.

He breathed deeply as he tried to rationalize the notion. He was just doing his job...and he was doing it well.

Because she craved him too.

He had seen it. He had felt it. But as he stared down at her, he couldn't help but wonder if that had changed.

He slipped his glove off and laid it beside his helmet. He moved his hand to linger over her bare arm. He hesitated slightly as he felt the energy of the room shift.

An electric charge ran through the air as he lightly brushed down her arm with his fingertips. The feeling of her soft skin against his sent him into a spiral. He felt every emotion from her. He felt every thought that had ever been inside of her head. As his fingers trailed down her, he felt utterly and completely bound to her.

Tied to her.

How was this possible?

Irritation flooded his mind. He'd let his thoughts trail too far. He needed to go. He needed to get out of the room. Out of the fucking building. He turned to grab his helmet.

As he pulled his fingertips away from her, he felt her shift below him.

His heart nearly stopped. Impulsively, he dropped to his knees beside the bed. Had she just moved? Or had he imagined it? He reached into her mind again.

She was no longer dreaming.

Fear engulfed his mind as he searched her thoughts frantically.

Nothing.

He looked towards the doorway. Should he get the Doctor? Absentmindedly, he brought his hand back to her arm.

The electric charge moved through the room once more. He stared at her face in awe as she shifted again, her eyelashes fluttered, but her eyes remained closed.

Her pink lips moved only slightly, whispering something he couldn't understand.

He leaned in.

She shifted again, breathing one word quietly as she sunk back into nothingness.

"K-Kylo?..."

He felt his eyebrows rise in surprise. He had to stop himself as the corners of his mouth threatened to rise with them. The sound of his name on her unconscious lips sent him into unfamiliar emotional territory.

He absolutely fucking hated it.

He stood to his feed abruptly, taking deliberate steps backwards as he tried to regulate his thoughts. His hands shook for the first time in years as he snatched his helmet off of the table, latching it quickly around his face.

He inhaled rhythmically as he moved towards the door. Closing his eyes behind the mask, he searched his soul for the anger he knew so well. Tapping into it, he turned to walk out of the room.

He had one more stop to make.

"Send for me the moment she wakes." He snapped at the nurses outside of the door.

The Supreme Leader's words echoed in his head as he stormed through the hallways of the Med Bay.

"Passion, Master Ren...is one the widest paths to the Dark Side. You can let it destroy her, or you can let it strengthen her. The choice is yours."

He imagined her lips speaking his name from somewhere deep in her subconscious...

...and made his choice.

_______________________________

The Commander stood quietly in the corner of the narrow, white space. The standard room was much smaller than the one he'd just been in.

The machines beeped hypnotically, maintaining the life of the body on the elevated bed.

A young attending scurried into the room; her head buried in a pile of paperwork. She didn't notice the Commander loitering in the shadows.

She studied the patient intently, taking vitals, running scans and scribbling notes in the chart. She turned to leave the room, reducing the incline of the bed in the process.

"Is there an update?"

The Commander stepped forward.

The doctor dropped the stack of paperwork and grabbed her chest, inhaling sharply at the sound of his metallic voice.

"N-No, Sir..." She took a step back instinctively. ""There's no change..." She looked down nervously. "Everything is the same as yesterday..."

Her hands shook as she bent down to pick up the paperwork. As she stood to her feet, she seemed to gather courage from somewhere deep inside of her.

"C-Commander, we're still waiting for authorization..." She trembled as he moved closer. "To disconnect the machines..." She shook her head as she looked down at the chart.

"We have no indication that the patient's condition will improve. The Bacta treatment and the and surgical welding were successful in mending the cervical fractures...but they couldn't reverse the effects of the hypoxia brought on by the asphyxiation."

The Commander took another step towards the bed.

"I'm sorry, Sir..." The doctor looked towards him nervously. "We've done everything we can..." She inhaled deeply, trying to remain calm. "We need to know if it's ok to stop the Bacta treatment. We are well past our standard number of doses, and they said you requested to be the final authori—"

The Commander waved his hand through the air, pushing her out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

Anger ripped through him as he stared down at the body. Conflict raged inside of his mind, monopolizing his every thought.

He wanted nothing more than for the man in front of him to die.

Just the thought of him existing, existing with her, tormented his soul. The imagines of them together carved away at his stability piece by piece.

In this moment, he hated him more than he'd ever hated anyone.

And he hated a lot of people...

He moved over to the side of the bed, looming above the patient that laid before him. As he looked down at his face, his eyes grazed over his lips.

He felt his blood boil as he tried to suppress the memory.

The kiss he had witnessed haunted him to his core. Watching her fuck him out of spite had been one thing...but watching her kiss him like that had been another.

Instant resentment clouded his judgment again as the Commander fought down the urge to wrap his hand around the tube in the patient's throat, rip it out and finish the job. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't have hesitated for a single second. He would have already done it.

This life meant nothing to him. This man meant nothing to him.

But she did.

He grimaced below the mask as the sentiment crossed his mind fleetingly.

She meant something to the First Order, to the Supreme Leader...and therefore, by extension, him.

That was all.

And yet as he stared at the man, he was reminded of the agony that had owned him in that moment, the rage that had fueled him, the fear that had claimed him...

He scoffed at his own thoughts. He was weak. Foolish. Reckless. And now he had to pay the price.

He glared at the man below him. He knew that if the pilot died, she'd be as good as gone. She'd never finish her training. She'd never become who she was meant to be.

And he'd seen who she was meant to be...

Heat ran through his body as he remembered.

If she only knew.

If she could only see what he had seen. Then maybe she would understand. She would understand why he pushed her. Why he hurt her.

Her brokenness was necessary.

Her will had to be shattered and then mended again, manipulated and reformed into a newer mold, a stronger mold. A mold she would grow to fill entirely, one that he had already pushed her to fit.

The power, the responsibility, the darkness...she had taken everything he'd given her perfectly.

Quite literally...

He scoffed to himself as his thoughts threatened to wrench him away from the room. He needed to focus.

The man beneath him pulled the strings of her allegiance now. If he died, her future died with him. The Commander took a deep breath. He knew what he had to do.

But did he have the strength to do it?

The physical strength, the mental strength, the spiritual strength...

He'd only done this once before. He'd done it for her...to take her pain away.

And now he would do it again.

For her.

To take her pain away...

He didn't know how many more times he could do it. He knew the act would drain him, weaken him. Would it kill him? It was certainly possible...

He weighed the options in his mind as he slipped his glove off. He brought his palm over the patient's body.

He silenced his thoughts as he reached out. There was no point in debating it further. His choice was clear. The conceivable risks were no longer a factor as he realized...

It was worth it.

________________________________

MARCO'S POV

________________________________

He opened his eyes, adjusting to the brightness of the room. As the harsh light filtered into his gaze, he eyed his surroundings.

Where was he?

He began to panic as he fought to breathe against the tube in his throat. He went to remove it from his mouth, but his body didn't react.

He furrowed his brows as he tried again, his brain sending signals to his arms. Panic flooded his thoughts as he realized he couldn't feel anything.

What the fuck?

He felt himself begin to hyperventilate; his breathing became irregular as he inhaled against the tube. He tried to remember how he'd gotten into the room.

Just as he was about to slip into the abyss of the impending panic attack, the door to the small room opened.

A nurse with a clipboard walked in casually, not bothering to knock. As she brought her eyes up from her notes, she locked on to his gaze.

Her eyes widened.

"S-Someone call the attending..." She whispered out of the door.

"What?" A deeper voice called from the hallway.

"Someone call the fucking attending." She panicked as she shuffled towards his bed. "H-He's awake!"

"That's not possible."

"Come see for yourself!"

As she hurried to examine him, another male nurse ducked his head inside of the room.

"Holy shit!"

"I told you! Now call the fucking attending."

The male nurse scurried out of the room on her order. She moved swiftly, checked his vitals and removing the intubation kit. "Mr. Scheler, can you speak?" she whispered over him.

He inhaled smoothly, taking in the oxygen easily now.

"W-Where..." He cleared his throat. "...the fuck am I?"

She smiled down at him in disbelief.

"You're in the Med Bay of Hangar 4, Sir..." She hesitated. "There was an...incident. Do you remember anything?"

He thought for a moment, recalling the evening from his memory. Anxiety moved over him instantly as the series of events replayed in his mind.

Sure as fuck he remembered.

Panic started to set in again as he relived it. He spoke her name.

"Where is she?" He breathed. "Is she alright?"

He struggled to keep his anxiety at bay as he remembered the way she had looked on the floor of the bar. The way the Commander had moved on her.

He felt sick.

"Is she alive?" He gasped again

The nurse looked down at him timidly. "I-I.." She shook her head. "I'm not sure what to tell you..."

As she spoke, a young doctor in black scrubs moved into the room swiftly, the male nurse on her heels.

"I'll be goddamned..." Her jaw dropped as she looked him over. "This...isn't possible."

As the three of them stared at him in total confusion, he felt his frustration grow.

"Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on? Why can't I feel anything?" He looked around the room frantically and said her name again. "What happened to her?"

The young doctor stepped forward, ignoring the last part of his question.

"Mr. Scheler...when you arrived here two nights ago, you had a nearly fatal C2 cervical fracture. We were able to mend the bones, but it's called a hangman's fracture for a reason. Your brain was deprived of oxygen for quite some time..."

She grabbed a pair of gloves from the cart and slipped them on.

"You have some good friends, Officer..." She smiled at him. "They got you here quickly, within minutes of the fracture actually...but the damage to your brain and corresponding tissue had already been done."

She shook her head as she moved closer. "Up until now, your prognosis was inevitable, irreversible brain damage and death if not assisted mechanically..."

She moved around his body as she pulled the covers from his legs and inspected his reflexes, moving his arms and legs in various patterns.

He saw his foot twitch as she examined it.

"Remarkable..." She breathed, still visibly confused. "The nerves are intact and fully functional. It may take some time to regain the feeling, but with therapy and some injections..." She nodded at one of the nurses and they moved to pull a syringe from the cart in the corner.

"I would expect you'll make a full recovery..."

He inhaled aggressively as he took in the information. His head pounded as he contemplated what the doctor had just said.

"But...how?"

"If I knew I would tell you..." She peeled off the gloves and threw them in the trash. "I've never seen anything like this...ever." She shook her head as she moved to exit the room. "Just count yourself lucky. Miracles like this don't happen often..."

He nodded slowly, already beginning to feel his fingertips tingling as the sensation began to return.

"Doctor..." he called towards the door. "You didn't answer my question..." He spoke her name for the third time. "Was she brought here with me? Is she alive?"

The doctor turned towards him, frowning slightly. "That I'm afraid, I'm not at liberty to discuss." She glanced at the nurses behind her. "Keep me updated on his progress..."

"Where are you going?" The male nurse piped up, still noticeably perplexed.

The doctor moved out of the room quickly, mumbling under her breath.

"I've have to make a call..."

_______________________________

Marco's recovery moved quickly in the days that followed. By the end of second day he could nearly stand on his own.

Nurses from all floors flooded into his room, all too eager to offer encouragement and random assistance. He was kind to them, and happy to see some -well, maybe more than some- familiar faces.

But this mind stayed fixated on her. He couldn't make it through a single minute without thinking about her.

His mind jumped to the worst possible scenarios. He pestered the nurses relentlessly, prying for information, but they wouldn't tell him anything. Was it because they didn't know? Even if they didn't, it was Starkiller after all, there had to be rumors.

There were always rumors.

He contemplated the possibilities as he picked at his dinner. Suddenly, he heard loud movement coming from outside of his door.

People. Loud people...

The door cracked slightly and one of his nurses popped her head in. "Good evening, Mr. Scheler..."

He smiled at her. "I've asked you to call me Marco..."

"Fine Marco..." She blushed. "You've got visitors."

His heart skipped as she opened the door wider. In a single second, a whirlwind of black flight suits and jackets engulfed the small space. His squad moved on him quickly, shouting and clapping obnoxiously. He smiled widely as he greeted them.

Absentmindedly, his eyes scanned the group for her.

She wasn't there.

His disappointment was short lived as he let his gaze fall over his friends. They quieted down as he spoke.

"It's about time you fuckers showed up..." He shook his head. "I thought maybe you'd already raided my room and given my shit away."

Thomas glared at the door.

"Well, we would've come sooner but...SOME PEOPLE..." He increased his voice so he could be heard in the hallway. "...insisted that you needed 'rest'." He put air quotes around the last word.

Marco beamed at him. "Fuck them I guess, right? What do they know?"

Thomas reached over and shook his shoulder.

"Absolutely nothing, brother." He dropped his voice. "But some of them are hot though, right?" He glanced back to the door. "You think I've got a chance with the blonde one?"

"I would steer clear of her." Marco shook his head and leaned in. "Go for the red-haired receptionist, Megan." He smiled. "She's a sweetheart...and a great poker player."

Tom raised his eyebrows. "Nice..."

The team stayed for an hour or so, chatting about random subjects and filling him in on what he'd missed. Apparently, the new fleet had been grounded. They were back flying normal patrols until further notice.

No one knew why for certain...but the speculation was clear.

Even while on the topic of her fleet, no one mentioned her. The elephant in the room was obvious, but for some reason, it didn't matter.

It filled Marco's heart with pure joy just to be around them again.

His parents had died when he was little, and he had no siblings. He'd been alone for as long as he could remember, surviving off of his wits and his imagination alone. He'd never known the meaning of community or companionship before being drafted by the First Order. These men had become his lifeline. His family.

He'd do anything for them.

Darian sat on his bed, swinging his legs to the hypotonic beeps of the machines.

"Well we'd better run." He sighed. "Wouldn't want you to miss your night cap with the receptionist."

The guys snickered as they began to file out of the room, saying their goodbyes and leaving him with and equal amount of sarcasm and encouragement.

Thomas and Darian lingered behind for a moment, looking at each other in silent communication. The energy in the room shifted quickly.

"So what happened?" Marco lowered his voice. "You have to tell me please..." He hesitated, feeling his emotion build rapidly. "I-I need to know what happened to her."

They exchanged glances again.

"We don't really know." Darian sighed. "Rumor has it she's here in the Med Bay, but not in a standard room or being treated by standard staff." He cleared his throat. "We think she's alive though...I'm sure we would have heard by now if she wasn't."

Marco rubbed his temple, trying to put the pieces together. Resentment built inside of him as he ran through the possibilities.

"What did he do to her?" He breathed, trying to suppress his anger.

Thomas's eyed widened slightly, a glimmer of excitement passed over them.

"Nothing dude..." He shook his head. "After you went down, she popped the fuck off..." He couldn't hold back his smile. "She took his laser sword and fought her own stormtroopers in the goddamned street with it."

Marco felt his pulse quicken.

"W-What?"

"Dude, it was the craziest shit I have ever seen." Thomas nodded. "We saw pieces of the fight as we were moving you out..."

Sadness crept into his voice as he remembered. "It was actually part the reason we could get you out so fast. She had taken everyone's attention...the whole bar was cleared out..."

Darian patted Thomas on the back, feeling the emotion behind his words.

"Wait, she fought...stormtroopers? Plural?" Marco shook his head, still trying to wrap his head around the story. "With...what again?"

"Commander Ren's...laser thing." Thomas waved his arms around, holding an invisible sword. "The saber..." he smiled, finally finding the word. "She stole it off his belt out of thin-fucking-air. We saw it happen."

Marco felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. "What happened after that?" He looked at them frantically as they eyed one another.

"We were pretty distracted but..." Darian paused. "We do know they shot her..." He cut his eyes down to the floor. "Several times..."

Thomas nodded. "The red trooper shot her in the chest..."

The room fell silent as the weight of his sentence hung in the air. He continued, trying to lighten the mood unsuccessfully. "But no one has seen the red leader since. People are saying Commander Ren kil—"

His voice trailed off as he realized what he was saying. The tension in the room became noticeable.

"Killed him?" Marco narrowed his eyes. "Is that what people are saying?"

He felt himself grow angry. He had been trying to forget what the last few moments of his life had felt like before the Commander had turned him into a human stress ball.

"And what are people saying about me?" He glared at them. "Are they saying he killed me too?"

"Kind of...yeah." Darian smiled, breaking the tension slightly. "Up until now. Now that people know you're alive, you're a hero. Now you're the man who stood up to Kylo Ren and lived to tell the tale."

Marco rolled his eyes and turned to Thomas. "That's not all they're saying...is it?"

"Nope..." Thomas smirked. "Mag, I feel like you're a brother to me...and as a brother..." He sat down on the side of the bed and put his hand on Marco's knee. "I feel as though I'm allowed to ask you..." He couldn't hold back his smile as he spit out the question that had been on everyone's mind.

"Did you fuck the Commander's girlfriend?"

Heat rushed to Marco's face for the first time in a long time as he felt serval emotions at once.

Anger, embarrassment, sadness, jealously...all rolled through him at a lightening pace.

"She's not his fucking girlfriend." He snapped.

Thomas beamed.

"I TOLD YOU!" He rotated around and pointed at Darian. "I told you..."

Darian rolled his eyes. "I think that's enough for now, Tom..." He cut a glance at Marco, now lost in his own thoughts.

"We'll get out of your hair..." Darian smiled as they walked towards the door. He turned as they went to leave.

"We got you, man. No matter what. You know that, right?"

Marco nodded, his heart suddenly heavy with an unfamiliar burden.

Thomas looked at the ground, unexpectedly emotional as he gazed at Marco again. He scurried over to the side of the bed and hugged him quickly.

Marco jumped from the unexpected contact but hugged him back.

"I thought you were gone..." Thomas sniffled into his chest. "I-I thought you were gone..."

Marco's heart panged with affection for the young man who had truly become his little brother.

"I'm right here, bud..." He patted him on the back. "Thanks to you guys I guess..."

Thomas sat up straight.

"Wait, how are you alive?" He flashed a confused look at Darian. "When we dropped you off, they said...well they said..."

"I know what they said." Marco waved his hand, dismissing him. "I guess it wasn't my time, I don't know..."

Maybe there was something left he still had to do.

Thomas nodded and stood up, walking back to the door silently as if he were deep in thought. "Bye, brother I—" He hesitated in the entrance. "...we...love you."

Marco felt a smile spread over his face. "I love you too."

Sadness crept over him as he watched them leave. Except for his thoughts, he was alone again.

His mind drifted.

To her.

She had fought stormtroopers? What he wouldn't give to have seen that...

As he sat on his bed, his mind ran through the events of that night for the millionth time. He remembered the way she had pushed herself into his room.

She had asked if she were nothing...

Why would she ever ask that? Why would anyone so confident and powerful ever think they were nothing?

Unless someone had made them feel that way...

He fumed to himself. It didn't take a lot of effort to guess who that could've been.

He remembered the way her lips had felt against his. He'd only imagined that moment a thousand times. It had been better than he'd ever thought possible.

His heart clenched as he thought about holding her hand, buying her drinks, taking her out...

Fucking her in the bathroom...His pulse elevated slightly.

Had he known what awaited him, would he have acted differently? And what about now that he did know? If he did get to see her again...would he act differently?

It was obvious now that being with her meant his life was on the line. He contemplated it only for a short moment. The answer was clear.

The way he saw it, he had been given a second chance. A second chance at life. And he didn't intend on wasting it.

He wouldn't back down. He wouldn't give up. Even if that meant ending up in this bed all over again...

It was worth it.

____________________________

Y/N'S POV

____________________________

You sat in the meadow and pouted at the flowers in your lap.

Too many stems...not good for crown making.

You peeled off the petals and flicked the hard stems into the grass.

Lining the petals up on your lap, you wove them in with the long leaves, forming a dainty crown. You giggled as you placed it on your head, moving it around your hair.

You turned to him.

"What do you think?" You smiled. "Princess or queen?"

Marco's tan skin glistened in the sun as he cut you a mischievous grin. He moved over you and leaned you back against the grass.

"Neither...." He pressed his lips against yours, kissing you softly before pulling away. "...how about...goddess?"

You shook your head as you pulled him in for another kiss. You moved against him on the grass, pulling him closer to you, moving your lips with his rhythmically. You giggled momentarily as you used the momentum of the kiss to swing your body over his, straddling him from above.

As you moved, the hands around you changed.

Their hold became stronger. Their intensity increased as they ran over your thighs, sliding up to grip your hips. The energy of the new embrace was unmistakably original. You recognized his touch immediately.

You moaned against his mouth as the pressure from his hands sent suggestive chills down your spine. Your hair fell around your neck as you pulled away from him.

The Commander's face stared up at you.

"How about Master?" You whispered against his lips.

He flashed you a suggestive smirk as he wrapped his arms around your waist and flipped you backwards on to the grass again. He moved over you slowly.

Another chill ran through your body as he moved his mouth to hover over yours.

"How about...Empress?"

Your heart fluttered violently.

"That's the one I think..." you whispered as you pulled him into you, grabbing his shirt and tugging him closer. You kissed him passionately.

The feeling that you had as you rolled around with him on the grass was unparalleled to any feeling you'd had before.

As your lips locked with his, you felt his spirit bind with yours. He moved his hands through your hair, peeling off the remnants of the crown.

You sighed against him again as he trailed his fingers lightly up your arm.

Suddenly, you felt him. You really felt him.

You were pulled from the meadow, transferred to a different realm somewhere in between your consciousness and dreams.

You still felt his hand on your arm. You felt the way his fingers traced over your skin. Tenderly, delicately. The spark his movements ignited sent a wave of warmth over your body.

Why did you feel so cold?

You wanted to touch him too. You tried your best to move as you reached out into the darkness, searching for the hand that touched you.

As you shifted you felt his hand leave your arm. With it, he took the warmth. Chills ran through you as you drifted in the dark purgatory. Your thoughts were empty as you floated through the blackness that surrounded you.

Without warning, his hand returned, filling you again with the unique spark. You didn't want it to leave again.

Maybe you could ask him to stay. Would he hear you? Would he listen?

Would he care?

"Kylo?" You screamed for him in your mind.

No answer.

"Kylo?" You shouted again.

The hand slipped away with a finality that propelled sadness into your core.

He was gone.

__________________________

Time was relative as you dozed in and out of dreams.

You heard voices, you felt energies, but for some reason, you couldn't wake up. It took you a while to realize you were sleeping.

How had you gotten here?

You struggled against the blackness, trying to pull yourself out of the hole. You began to hear sounds as you fought.

Beeping. Constant methodical beeping.

You tried to move your arms. Nothing. You pushed harder, pressing back against the fog in your mind. You felt your arms move. You demanded your eyes to open, concentrating all of your will on breaking away from the binding, mental hold.

You heard sounds again. Voices.

"She's waking up..." A female voice whispered. "Get the doctor!"

The doctor?

You analyzed your body internally. Nothing hurt. In fact you felt...great. Refreshed even.

You made one final push into consciousness. Forcing your eyes open, you gasped as the light from the bright room washed over you. You blinked rapidly, trying to adjust your eyes to the

radiating space.

You caught a glimpse of two blurry figures shuffling out of the room, and another figure entering, taking their place.

The figure spoke, becoming clearer as she approached.

"Well, well Captain, I'm certainly happy to see you again." The doctor smiled at you. "Although, I'm growing tired of the circumstances that typically surround our meetings."

Dr. Rivers.

You'd met her before. She was the same doctor that had examined you in Kylo's quarters after he had—

Kylo.

As you thought his name, everything flooded back into your mind.

The bar. The fight. The blood. The fire inside of you.

You panicked, searching your feelings quickly. Where was it? Had you lost it?

You felt yourself calm only briefly as you felt the fire inside of you still, burning quietly now as a pile of embers. Your relief was short lived as you remembered the rest.

Marco.

Tears immediately flooded your eyes as you pictured his body.

He was dead. The Commander had killed him. Your fire poked at the anger inside of you. He had fucking killed him.

You felt your body begin to breathe rapidly as you relived the events of that night. Every detail poured into your brain from a spout that couldn't be turned off.

"How's your pain, Dear?" The doctor moved closer, checking the monitors beside you.

"I-I.." You cleared your throat as you spoke for the first time. "I can't f-feel anything."

She nodded. "Well, you've had regular Bacta injections multiple times a day for the past week, and you're on a significant amount of pain medication...so I'd say that's rather normal." She smiled and leaned in closer to you. "Good shit, right?"

You only partially heard her as your mind continued sorting through your memory.

You remembered the blood again. So much blood. You remembered the red leader.

"H-How am I alive?" you breathed as you looked down at your chest, still wrapped in bandages.

She shook her head as she flipped a page over on her clipboard. She read from a sheet of paper.

"Multiple facial abrasions, multiple fractured ribs, isolated internal bleeding, blaster wounds to the arm, shoulder, leg and chest..." She sighed as she continued. "Not to mention massive blood loss and the complications involved with that..." She put the clipboard down.

"Professionally, I'd say I have no idea how you survived. Other than the fact that the last blast missed your heart by inches..." She sighed again. "...and the fact that you were treated within minutes of the shot."

She put on a pair of gloves and moved the covers off of you gently.

"To be honest, I didn't think you'd wake again..." She began unwrapping your chest, looking at the skin underneath. "But you've got an internal strength that I've seen only once before..." her voice trailed as she concentrated on her work.

You shivered as her hands touched your skin. You looked down as she worked to change the bandages.

You inhaled loudly as you looked at the wound on your chest. Although it had healed significantly, the blast wound that floated above your left breast looked like an angry, red burn. The wound to the side of it, on your left shoulder, mirrored the same pattern, although smaller and less direct.

You looked at your right arm. A bandage was secured on the outside. You remembered the blast that had grazed that spot and assumed it had left another red slash.

A similar bandage was wrapped around your left thigh.

The mood around you shifted suddenly. You gasped loudly, sitting up in bed so fast you nearly ripped the IV out of your arm.

You felt him. He was close.

"What are you doing?" The doctor snapped at you as she finished securing the new wraps around your body. "Gods, girl. You're going to..."

Her voice faded off as she heard the door to the room open.

Commander Ren walked in slowly.

"Leave us." He jerked his head at the doctor. "Now."

She exhaled and gave you a concerned look before adjusting the incline of your bed to match your new sitting position. She moved the blankets back over your lap.

She shuffled past the Commander and cut him a look you couldn't see. His mask glanced back at her and nodded. Communicating with her silently. She shut the door behind her as she left the room

You glared at the Commander as he moved towards you. You directed every ounce of hatred in your body towards him. In this moment, you wouldn't let yourself feel anything but anger.

You stared at each other in silence, each refusing to speak as you both sat painfully in your own rage.

You wouldn't talk first. You'd sit there all fucking night and stare at his metal face if that's what he wanted.

You didn't want to talk to him. You didn't want anything from him.

Except maybe for him to drop fucking dead.

"Is that what you really want?" He spoke finally. His modified voice was cryptic as he struggled to keep his tone neutral.

You flared your nostrils. "Go to hell."

He tensed visibly.

It was in this moment; you realized his energy was off. He seemed...weaker. Not in a literal, physical sense but in a deeper, mental sense. He seemed drained, tired even.

He took a step closer to you.

"Get away from me." You snapped at him. "Get out."

You felt his wrath build as you raised your voice. You didn't care.

"You don't get to speak to me like tha—"

"Well what the fuck are you going to do about it?" You felt your control slipping already. Just his presence sparked the anger inside of you. "I know you don't have the balls to kill me. You've proven that already."

He moved on you quickly, closing the gap between him and the bed in two steps. You saw him tense as he reigned in this reaction. He gripped the sides of the footboard on the bed, leaning over it. You saw his chest moving swiftly as he fought to control his rage.

"Don't you know I wanted to kill you?" He mumbled as he stared at the blankets covering your feet. "Don't you know I fucking tried..."

You ignored the undertone of his modulated voice.

"Well you failed." You spat. "I'm still alive and you're still a fucking asshole."

His head snapped up to look at you.

"You fucked someone else...and I'm the asshole?" He growled.

Your eyes widened as you registered his sentence. The audacity of his statement caught you off guard.

"Fucked...someone...else?" You shook your head. "Are you absolutely insane?"

You felt his fury push the boundaries of his tolerance.

"Kylo...you told me that you didn't care about me..." Your voice began to shake as your own anger brought a fresh batch of tears to the corners of your eyes. "You told me I was nothing to you..."

You tossed your hands in the air. "...and you're a fucking murderer!" You felt your blood boil as you remembered what he'd done.

He snarled angrily under the mask. Still struggling to restrain himself, he unlatched his helmet and threw it violently to the floor. No doubt taking his anger out on the inanimate object instead of you.

For once.

The sound of the metal hitting the marble floor echoed loudly through the room as he looked up at you slowly, locking his eyes onto yours.

Your anger threatened to shift as you saw the raw emotion inside of his gaze. It reminded you of Chandrila, when he'd kissed you in the rain. The same energy rolled off of him now as he met your eyes, but you'd never seen him quite like this before.

Regardless of your rage, his face still fanned the flames inside of you. You pushed the feelings down as you continued.

"You don't get to tell me that I'm nothing but then act like my actions are everything..."

Your heart clenched again as you thought about Marco. He had told you were everything. He had wanted to give you a normal relationship. A normal life.

He had wanted to love you...

...and Kylo Ren had murdered him for it.

"You're a monster..." You whispered as you looked down at your hands, fighting the tears harder now. "...a-and I never want to see you again."

He straightened up, his voice returning to his normal, dominant register.

"I'm afraid that's not an option." He spat. "You still work for me, Captain. Whether you like it or not."

"Then I quit..." You looked up at him, suddenly calm. "I quit the squadron. I quit this sick arrangement. I quit...you." You glared into his soul. "Have me transferred to sanitation or the fucking outer rim. I don't care."

His eyes flashed wildly.

"You can't quit." He snarled as he began to pace. "That's not how this works."

You watched darkness fall over his hazel eyes. He ran his hand through his wavy hair, fighting back the rage that threatened to boil over.

Your control dissipated as you registered his arrogance.

"You don't get to tell me what to do anymore. You don't own me anymore!" You raised your voice. "I'm not your Captain, I'm not your 'pet' and I'm sure as hell not your fucking girlfriend..." Your voice broke as you said the word you'd never planned on saying.

"I'm nothing...remember?"

"FUCK..." He growled as he moved swiftly, throwing his fists into the closest wall. You flinched as you heard the cracking sound his fists made as they impacted the marble wall. "...WILL YOU LET THAT GO ALREADY?" He snarled as he turned towards you.

You swallowed loudly as you took in his emotional rage. You'd never seen his side of him. You'd seen his anger, but it had always been physical, controlled somehow.

This seemed emotive, irrational.

Somehow, it was scarier than the other form. His voice held a passionate energy you recognized too well. It was the same energy that moved through you when you looked into his eyes. It was the same energy that bounced around the surface of your skin when he touched you.

It was dangerous. Seductive. All consuming.

"You fucked someone else..." He shook his head as he paced again. "...YOU did that." You felt his spiritual exhaustion as he moved away from the wall. "That's worse than me hurting your fucking feelings."

Your own rage spiraled as he yelled at you. How dare he paint you as the villain after what he'd done? You were sitting in a hospital bed because of him. Your friend was dead because of him.

Your body shook as you worked through the shock. He was so arrogant. So manipulative. So fucking infuriating.

He was a literal murderer...and somehow...you were at fault?

"Y-You...fucking KILLED SOMEONE!" You shook your head in disbelief. "Me fucking someone and you killing someone are not on the same level...you absolute, psychotic, MANIAC." Your voice escalated as the sentence left your lips.

He flared his nostrils and turned towards you rapidly.

"And WHO pushed me to it?" He growled as he leaned over the footboard again. Saliva moved over his lips as he spat the words. "Tell me, pet..." He snapped the nickname sarcastically. "What did you think I would do when I found out?"

You glared at him. His words cut you to your core as you realized what he was inferring.

"You KNEW what I would do...and you fucked him anyway." He raised his eyebrows smugly, recognizing the nerve he had struck. "You didn't want to fuck him..." He shook his head aggressively, mocking you. "...you wanted my attention."

Your lip quivered as his accusation sank in. "You're wrong..."

"No, I'm not. You wanted a reaction out of me..." He snapped. "...and that's exactly what you fucking got and then it's only my fault what happened?"

"YES, IT'S YOUR FAULT!" You yelled, finally snapping as you matched his intensity. "You didn't have to kill him, but you did it anyway! And for what? Do you think I'll ever be with you again?"

You couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "You're so dark and..." You closed your eyes. "...and evil and I don't want anything to do with it anymore."

"Gods, you're such a fucking hypocrite..." He rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air.

"You've been chasing the darkness this whole time..." He paused and pointed at you, shaking his head as you opened your mouth to protest. "...and don't say you haven't been." He snapped. "You've been chasing it since the first moment I told you it could be yours."

You felt your heart rate increase. He was right. You had chased it. You had wanted it.

You still did.

He glared at you. The passionate emotion radiated off of him.

"I know you need it like I do..." His voice calmed slightly. "...and you used me to get it. You needed me to get to it. Every time you tapped into it you needed me."

Your lips trembled as you looked into his wild, dark eyes.

"Well I don't need you anymore..." You breathed deeply. "I found it on my OWN this time. You said I couldn't, and I DID..." Your restraint dissolved as the tears fell more aggressively. "Y-You didn't believe in me..."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He exhaled loudly as he turned towards the window. "You're so fucking naïve..."

Your hands shook as you wiped the tears from your eyes. You didn't want to do this anymore. You couldn't.You felt your mental stability crumbling further with every word that exited his mouth.

Was he right? Were you naïve? Had you used him? Had you used Marco? Were you a hypocrite?

He stood silently. Listening to your thoughts.

"I know what I did. I know who I am..." He shook his head slowly, still facing the window. "The question is..." He sighed. "...do you know who you are?"

Your heart dropped at his change in tone. You breathed slowly, trying to comprehend the true meaning behind his words.

You hated him. But as he showed you this side of himself, you wanted more. You wanted to know him. To understand him.

Even hate couldn't break the tie that bound you. The more you focused on hating him, the more he crept into your mind in other ways. His presence was relentless, dominating. Overwhelming.

And you'd reached your limit.

"Leave..." You whispered as your thoughts triggered a panic deep inside of you. "L-Leave me alone."

Involuntarily, your heart plunged as you said the words.

"Don't you know I wish I could?" He rubbed his neck as he turned to face you again. "If I could get you out of my fucking head...I would." He walked over to you slowly. "But I can't..."

You looked up at him as he spoke, meeting his gaze again. Your heart pounded loudly as he neared you.

"You..." He paused. "You never leave me alone..."

You swallowed loudly as you shook your head. You couldn't take any more of his games.

"Get out..."

He lowered his brows.

"No."

You glared at him.

"Leave."

"No."

You huffed loudly. "Fine, then I'll leave." You pushed the blankets off of your legs and ripped the IV out of your arm. You threw it on the floor as you moved to stand up.

As your legs hit the floor, you realized your mistake instantly. You swayed on your feet as the blood rushed down to your toes. The vertigo threatened to pull you into blackness again.

You felt panic radiate from him as he moved towards you quickly. He grabbed you by the waist lightly, catching you just as you started to fall.

You tensed under his hands, but against your will, you fell into them entirely. Just touching him felt natural. Purposeful.

It was too much. You felt the tears break again.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" He snapped at you.

You nodded as you cried.

"I-I think so..."

You felt all the emotions in the galaxy come crashing down on you at once.

Anger, guilt, loss, remorse, despair, helplessness, loneliness, confusion....

Your body trembled as they hit you in waves. The panic attack moved through you swiftly, propelling the tears down your cheeks.

He looked down at you in surprise as you began to hyperventilate.

He moved his arms from your waist and wrapped them around your shoulders, pulling you into an embrace. Instinctively, you moved your arms around his torso, snuggling them underneath the layers of his cape.

You cried into his chest. The tears soaked into his heavy tunic.

He was hugging you.

The confusion and guilt cut deeper as you registered it.

He relaxed his arms lightly over your shoulders and moved a hand to the back of your head. He rested his head on yours, rubbing your hair as you sobbed against him.

Neither of you spoke.

You stood silently together in your collective hurt and sadness. In a strange way, and without making the conscious decision to do so, you were comforting each other from the pain you had caused.

After a few silent moments, your breathing calmed as you leaned into him. He moved his arms to steady you and helped you climb back into the bed.

You looked into his eyes silently. Their hazel glow held the weight of the galaxy. For a moment, you wondered what he was thinking. You wondered what he was feeling.

You pulled from the burning embers in your soul and reached out to him. You pushed inside of his mind gently.

He narrowed his gaze above you slightly but let you inside his mind, only for a moment. With his mental guard down you felt his thoughts. You felt his feelings.

He was sad.

And...tired.

And Broken, just like you.

He closed his mind to you again and brought his hand down, brushing it over your arm. You gasped at the familiar feeling.

"I thought I lost you..." He whispered.

You felt your head lighten as his words fell over you. Sadness crept into your core again, reminding you of what he'd done. Of who he was.

"You did..." You whispered back.

He terrified you. In every way possible. This moment, this energy, this...emotion...terrified you in a deeper way. It was more than fear. It was vulnerability.

Was he really this sadistic? Was it not enough to break you physically? Why was he insistent upon breaking you emotionally?

He'd made it clear you didn't matter. Was he trying to tell you something else now?

Your own thoughts made you sick. Why did your heart still flutter for him after everything he'd done? Why did his gaze light the very fire inside of your soul?

It was torture being around him.

You assumed that was his goal. To torture you. Even if it wasn't...even if his emotion was genuine. You couldn't go back to him now. Things would never be the same.

Not after what he'd done to you...to Marc--

"He's not dead."

You were pulled from your thoughts as the Commander spoke above you.

"W-What?"

"The pilot. He's not dead." He looked away from your gaze and stared at the floor. "He was discharged yesterday..."

Relief flooded your mind instantly, followed quickly by utter confusion.

"How?" You shook your head as you glared up at him. "I heard it snap, Kylo...I don't see how anyone could walk away from that."

He shrugged, his demeanor hardening again

"I'm not a fucking doctor. I'm just telling you he's alive." He backed away from you and grabbed his mask off of the floor.

"You're also being discharged today..." He rolled the helmet over in his hands, his voice returning to its normal tenor. "...and being moved to my quarters."

You felt the color drain from your face as your own temperament hardened.

"No the fuck I'm not!"

"It's not up to you..." He shrugged again. "Or me for that matter..." He mumbled under his breath.

You shook your head. "Not happening."

"It's already happened." He snapped. "You're being moved out of the public eye so you can recover in peace..." He paused. "At home..."

He latched the helmet, refusing to look at you. "Dr. Rivers and her team have already set up a space for you."

"I already have a home." You spat, thinking of your own studio. "Why can't I be discharged there?"

He scoffed. "I said out of the public eye. Not directly in its fucking pupil."

You tightened your gaze. Why did you need to stay with him? You weren't his pet anymore.

"No..." He snapped at you as he walked away from the bed. "No, you're not."

You felt your palms sweat as he addressed it. Perfect...at least you were on the same page.

"You're also being moved so you can train while you recover." He swiped his hand through the air pulling the door open. "We'll start as soon as the doctor clears you."

"No thanks." You narrowed your eyes. "I'm not interested."

He huffed as he walked away "We both know that's not true."

You sighed. He was right. You wanted to learn more. You needed to learn more. Just the thought of wielding the saber again and growing the power inside of you sent excitement through your bones.

But why did you have to do it with him? Couldn't you learn on your own?

"Your performance outside of the bar caught the eye of the Supreme Leader..." Kylo's voice deepened as he chose his words carefully. "Your training is no longer optional." He turned to you in the doorway. "It's not my decision."

The Supreme Leader? Your heart rate increased. Why would the Supreme Leader of the First Order care about you?

The question brought back a weak memory. Something General Hux had said...you strained to remember the dialogue but couldn't.

You glared at the Commander as he walked to the door. How could you be expected to live with him? The thought of being around him made you absolutely sick to your stomach. The agony of this interaction alone was too much for you to tolerate.

"Rest assured, Captain..." He muttered under his breath as he moved out of the door. "If you're there, I won't be."

Anger ripped through you. How did he manage to make you feel like shit about being forced into this living arrangement?

It wasn't his decision? Well it certainly wasn't yours. You hated him. No amount of training or power could change that.

"Kylo..." You called after him. "...I don't forgive you."

He stood motionless in the doorway.

"I don't forgive you either."

Good...you were on the same page again. You sulked on the bed as he stormed out of the room.

__________________________________

You sat in silence.

The nurses buzzed around you as they prepped you for discharge.

As you watched them scurry, your thoughts swallowed you whole. Engulfing your mind in a whirlwind of emotion.

You were angry. You were sad. You were broken. You were...confused.

You dwelled on the power that you felt inside of you. Even still, you felt it move through you like a molten river, jutting off into narrow canals of untapped potential.

You closed your eyes and silenced the sound of the buzzing around you. You leaned into the Force, breathing it in like oxygen.

You longed to know more about the power that consumed you. You sighed as you felt it roll through your veins. You thought about that night. How you had felt. You'd never experienced control like that, absolute invulnerably and strength.

Could you ever give up that feeling now that you'd found it?

You thought about Marco. You thought about the way the Commander had nearly crushed the life out of him. You thought about the look on your friends faces as they watched in horror.

Would they ever talk to you again? Would Marco ever talk to you again? Did you even want him to? How could you continue to put them in danger?

The Commander's words rang in your ears.

"...do you know who you are?"

You fumed. Maybe you didn't know who you were...but you knew who he was.

He was a predator. He was manipulative and controlling. His behavior today had just been another form of that. He was only attempting to tie you down again, reel you in with his sadistic fishing.

Sure, he could teach you, train you, make you 'unstoppable'...but at what cost?

Every interaction with him cost you a piece of your soul. The transaction was subtle, seemingly insignificant, but you felt yourself changing from the inside out. Every time you were with him you left feeling like a different person.

What haunted you the most was that you liked it.

You liked the version of yourself his energy drafted. You liked the control you felt. You liked the authority and the passion and the heat.

He was right. You were a hypocrite. Your friends were better off without you.

Shouldn't it be enough for you that they were alive? Wouldn't it be best if you let them move on? Let them distance themselves from you and your bullshit...while they still could?

Your heart dropped as you registered the choice you'd have to make.

Was wielding the Force worth sacrificing all normality? Was wielding the Force worth losing your friends, your family?

That night outside of the bar had proven one thing.

You couldn't have both. You had to choose.

Your life as you knew it, or the Force and Kylo Ren.

One side offered you stability, familiarity. The other, power and passion.

You just had to ask yourself...what did you want?

...and was it worth it?


	16. Yours

**TW**: NSFW!! SUPER DUPER NSFW. Unless you work at PornHub and then it's probably spot on, Dom/sub energy, potential emotional manipulation, emotional distress, men are assholes, WOMEN are assholes, men with bad tempers, WOMEN with bad tempers, slightly more than very VERY problematic, description of wounds, description of medical trauma/ period drama/procedures/description of scars, rough sex, choking, blood, blood play, guys kylo is actually kind of nice but not really, kylo makes us sad but also happy, we make kylo sad but also happy, this one is really heavy emotionally, I kind of cried writing this one again, does he love us or is he a dick? maybe both, we don't know, we don't find out, we fight, there is yelling and cursing and gaslighting and TRAUMA, and really hot sex that comes from fighting but is hot healthy at all, marriage story but make it starwars and hot, aftercare kind of but not really, abandonment issues, discussing of grooming and family trauma, my therapist hated this chapter too, kind of worse than the physical abuse idk, steer clear if you struggle with toxic relationships/ verbal altercations/fighting/sex that comes from fighting, makeup sex but not really, he continues to fuck us up emotionally, but also do we fuck him up emotionally? He kind of opens up to us but is it sus? This one is spicy AF, make sure you're in a private space, make sure you have water probably at least two bottles to be safe.......

**I think a lot of you have been waiting for this one for a while. This one is a big chapter for Kylo. I'm a fan of mean, hard-ass Kylo, but it's time to give space daddy some more depth. We get to see him open up in a few different ways in this chapter! I know I have loved every second of it and I hope you do too! I'm working hard to build their relationship organically. I want it to flow realistically while keeping Kylo true to his character. But fear not, mean Kylo isn't going far.

***Anyways. Love you guys! Thank you for your support this week! PLEASE let me know your thoughts as you read!<3

***ALSO!!! The song for this chapter (specifically the spicy part) is 'Watch Me Burn' by Michele Morrone. If you play this and imagine the shower part you'll probably need to take a fucking lap. 

You eyed the clock.

You knew that they were waiting for the middle of the night to move you. Later in the evening, meant less people on shift, which meant less people available to spy on the Commander’s weird business. As the clock rolled over to midnight, you knew it was nearly time to go.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, you heard movement in the hallway. You squinted your eyes as Dr. Rivers walked into your room pushing a wheelchair.

“Alright Captain, ready to…roll?” She snickered to herself at her pun.

You sighed. “Do I have a choice?”

“Nope. Let’s get you up.”

You huffed and swung your legs over the side of the bed.

“Can I at least walk?” You snapped as you gestured to the wheelchair. “I don’t think that’s necessary…”

Her eyes sparkled. Your attitude didn’t faze her in the slightest. It was obvious she was used to much worse.

“Please, my Dear…” She motioned for you to stand. “…be my guest.”

You sucked on your teeth and slid off of the bed to your feet. As your bare feet hit the cold floor, you felt your injuries for the first time.

The pain was annoying, but bearable. The sensation felt like a continuous, dull thud that resounded through your body with each slight movement. The medication was wearing off with every passing moment and the ache was becoming impossible to ignore.

You straightened up and did your best to smile at the doctor, still attempting to hold your ground. As you turned around to toss the blanket back over the bed, you noticed it…

Blood.

A small puddle of blood had pooled in the center of the bed, under where you’d been laying.

“D-Doctor…” Panic crept into your mind as you looked down, searching your body frantically. “I’m bleeding…”

She narrowed her eyes slightly as she looked you over. She moved the hospital gown to the side, finding the source of the bleeding quickly.

“Count yourself lucky then, Dear…” She chuckled to herself as she turned to rummage in a nearby drawer. She pulled out a small white box and handed it to you.

Tampons.

You traced her eyes to the back of your hospital gown. The blood was coming from between your legs. You winced as a sharper, more familiar pain rolled through your lower abdomen.

Your fucking period.

You shook your head. You had completely forgotten about it. It felt so trivial, so normal.

“Right…” You mumbled as you turned the box over in your hands. “Sorry…I didn’t notice…”

“Don’t be sorry.” She smiled at you. “With all the medication, I’m surprised you can feel your legs enough to stand, let alone know what’s going on in between them.”

She signaled for the nurse to strip the bed.

“Besides, I’ve been wondering about that…” She helped you take a few steps forward. “We’ve been monitoring you pretty closely, it must have just happened.”

She wrapped her arm around your waist, stabilizing you slightly. She pointed to a small door in the corner of the room.

“Do you want to try by yourself?”

You nodded. Inhaling sharply as you took slow, deliberate steps forward. The pain probed your mind, but you pushed it down as you hobbled to the small refresher.

“I’ll be outside if you need me…” She opened the door for you and helped you into the private space. “Take as long as you need.”

The bright refresher mirrored the appearance of the main room. It was minimal. A small glass shower lined the back wall, while a white toilet and vanity claimed the front of the space.

A stack of clothing sat on the vanity. You unfolded the garments and immediately recognized them. They were from your closet. The stack consisted of underwear, leggings, a standard sweatshirt and a pair of socks.

Your heart skipped as you noticed a small, black envelope sitting under the clothes.

You pushed the stack aside and grabbed the envelope quickly. It was unexpectedly heavy. You broke the seal and dumped the contents into your palm. A small gold chain with a black stone slid into your hand. It took you a second to recognize it.

Your necklace.

You gasped as you saw the black stone glisten in the light. A small amount of dried blood lingered on the chain. Your head snapped up to look in the mirror as you noticed for the first time, it had been missing from your neck.

You flipped the envelope over to see a small line of scrawled handwriting, barely visible against the black paper.

You read it.

They took this off when you arrived.

There was no signature, but you recognized the handwriting immediately.

Kylo…

He had kept the necklace for you.

You read the script again before setting the envelope to the side. You latched the necklace around your neck and stared into the mirror. Your face looked back at you, but slight anomalies sparked your curiosity.

The bruising on your face was minimal and the swelling had gone down. If anything, your face looked thinner, sharper. Your lips seemed fuller against the stronger jawline, their color a slightly darker shade of pink.

You squinted at your reflection. Your eyes looked deeper, more intense. Your pupils pulled in the light that tried to filter over them, acting like sponges to absorb the sparkle that strived to wash over your features.

As you gazed into the darkness that radiated from your eyes, you didn’t even notice the blood-soaked hospital gown or the bandages over your body.

Your eyes locked onto the crystal that hung around your neck. Somehow, it felt different to you.

The energy coming off of it felt like the darkness inside of you. The same energy you’d felt inside of the Commander’s saber.

How had you not noticed it before?

You ran your fingers over the stone and closed your eyes. It called to you, summoned you. You sighed as you opened your eyes.

Everything felt different now. Even your necklace…

You breathed deeply and tried to suppress the thoughts as you moved to strip off your gown, pulling the bandages off with it. You stood in front of the mirror completely naked, hesitating briefly before letting your eyes fall over your whole form.

Your curves were still prominent, but like your face, your body look slightly thinner. The blaster wounds that peppered your form stood out as red, scabbing symbols of that night. Dark, yellowing bruises covered the right side of your rib cage while a slightly darker bruise wrapped around your left hand and wrist. The small, welded letter on your upper thigh screamed at you silently as you let your eyes fall to the blood that stained the inside of your thighs.

Power burned as a flame within you as you ran a hand down your face, grabbing your own chin and moving it to the side, inspecting your lightly bruised jawline.

You tilted your head as you looked yourself over. As you analyzed your body you realized the full extent of your injuries. Through the pain and the emotion, you felt a feeling rise to the forefront of your mind.

Pride.

To you, the violent painting on your body displayed one thing and one thing only.

Pure fucking strength.

The bruises, the wounds, the scabs and the scars revealed for you the magnitude of the trauma your body had endured. What you had fought through. What you had conquered…

You smirked at your reflection. Deep down, you knew it was taking everything in you just to stand, but even so, you dared for someone to try you. You dared for someone to test you.

Breaking off your gaze from the mirror, you eyed the shower. Suddenly, you wanted nothing more than to stand underneath it, to let the warmth of the water wash away the emotion that threatened to spill out of you.

You wobbled over to the glass enclosure. The pain in your body increased with every step. You breathed deeply as you tried to work your way into the shower. You felt lightheaded almost immediately. The time on your feet had already taken too much of your energy.

This wasn’t working. Maybe you weren’t as badass as you thought…

You pouted as you grabbed a hand towel from the rack. You soaked it with soap and warm water and settled on running it over your body as you leaned against the sink.

Although not a shower, the water against your skin still felt amazing. You wet another towel with cold water and washed your face gently. You cleaned yourself as best you could and pulled a tampon from the white box. You winced as you moved between your legs. Afterwards, you managed to put on the underwear from the stack and nearly doubled over, gasping loudly as the sharp pain stabbed your side.

You heard a knock from the door.

“How’s it going, Dear?” The doctor poked her head in. “Need help?”

Tears stung your eyes as you nodded reluctantly.

She waved over her shoulder and signaled two nurses into the refresher. They helped you dress, moving your legs gently into the leggings and then pulling the sweatshirt on over your head. One of them ran her fingers through your tangled hair.

“May I?” She smiled at you. “Your hair is so pretty, but this has been killing me…”

You smiled back and nodded.

She braided your hair quickly into a single braid and twisted it into a bun at the base of your neck.

“Much better.” She sighed happily as she handed you a glass of water and a few pills. “Take these…” She dropped the pills into your palm. “They’ll help.”

You took them eagerly, tossing back the entire glass of water.

The nurses helped you out into the main room.

“Had a change of heart, Captain?” Dr. Rivers pushed the wheelchair over to you. “There’s no shame in that…”

You smirked at her. She was starting to grow on you.

“Fine.” You sighed.

As you sunk down into the seat, you began to wonder how they intended to get you all the way to the Commander’s quarters without being seen. You weren’t exactly good at blending in these days. Even with the lateness of the hour, it was almost a guarantee that someone on base would notice you, especially now that you had to ride in this thing.

You decided to ask.

“So how are you planning on getting me out of here?”

As you spoke, the door swung open. A cloud of black moved into the doorway swiftly. The rapid movement of the large, cloaked figure made you jump back in the chair. The massive body filled the space instantly. It took you a moment to recognize them.

Ap’lek.

He pulled his helmet off and winked at you.

“Leave that to us, Kid.”

Us?

You looked into the hallway behind him and saw the rest of the Knights of Ren.

All of them.

Your heart skipped in your chest as you eyed the group of abnormally huge, heavily armored men. It was the first time you’d seen them all in one place at the same time.

“But first…would you care to explain how you ended up here?” Ap’lek smirked as he looked you up and down. “Did you even pay attention when I was talking? Because it looks like you didn’t learn shit…”

You glared up at him.

“I’m sorry, I must have missed the part where you taught me how to dodge blaster shots while singlehandedly holding off a battalion of stormtroopers with a weapon I’d never touched before…”

He shook his head sarcastically.

“Fuck, did I forget to go over that?” He laughed and slapped you on the shoulder. “Well, there’s always next time I guess…”

You flinched from the impact and tried to fight the smile that spread over your lips.

“So what’s the plan, teach?” you nodded towards the other Knights. “Are you just going to kill anyone who looks at me?”

He raised his eyebrows.

“No, but…shit, I like that better actually…” He turned towards the others. “Is it too late to run a new plan by Ren?”

Your heart fluttered predictably as he spoke his name.

They snickered to one another and Ap’lek turned towards you again.

“I wish it were that fun…” He nodded at the Doctor as she moved to stand behind your chair. “We’re just going to spilt up and walk ahead of you to clear the route. If there’s anyone out ahead, we’ll make them scatter.” He smirked again. “They hate us…”

You eyed the group of men behind him again. Chills rolled down your spine as you let your gaze fall over their weapons.

“I can’t possibly see why…”

He grinned as he placed the helmet back over his head.

“Stay close, Doctor.” He ordered, suddenly more intense as he walked out of the room.

Dr. Rivers nodded and pushed you forward out into the hallway. You saw Ap’lek lean into the Knights and whisper something. Two of them went out ahead of the rest, pacing down the hallway quickly. A few seconds later, another two followed in the same direction, leaving you with Ap’lek and another Knight you didn’t recognize.

Ap’lek looked down at you and jerked his head in the direction of the remaining Knight.

“This is Vicrul.”

The man with the scythe didn’t move.

“Uh…ok.” You nodded up at him. “What’s up?”

You immediately felt stupid. What’s up? What the fuck was your problem…

He remained still for what seemed like an eternity before Ap’lek grunted slightly.

Vicrul only shrugged in your direction.

“Perfect…” You muttered under your breath.

Another passive aggressive, barely responsive, darkly mysterious, and wildly violent man in your life.

Exactly what you needed.

After a few awkwardly silent moments, Ap’lek nodded to him and then to the doctor. “Let’s go.”

The two men paced out in front of you as the doctor pushed you behind them in the chair. They made their way through the Med Bay and out into the main hallway of Hangar 4. To your absolute astonishment, the hallway was completely empty.

You could see the outline of people working in the hangar through the glass wall, but no one was within immediate range of you.

The Knights out in front of Ap’lek and Vicrul moved to round the first turn ahead. They turned around and signaled to Ap’lek silently before continuing.

Your group followed their path and rounded the same turn moments later, now spotting them up ahead at the next turn, signaling again.

It was working.

“I’ve been working for Commander Ren a long time…” The doctor hummed in your ear. “…but I have to say, I’ve never been involved in a stealth operation before…” She chuckled behind you. “This is fun…”

Vicrul snapped his head in her direction and she quieted down reluctantly.

“Big, grumpy fuckers…” She whispered under her breath.

You giggled in the chair, moving your hand to cover your mouth as Vicrul glared down at you through the mask.

You just shrugged at him, mirroring his action from before.

Let’s see how he liked it.

You followed the signals of the Knights through the hallways and up the lifts, all the way into the large hallway outside of the Commander’s quarters.

You never saw a single person.

The Knights were talking together in a circle outside of the black door when your small group rounded the final corner.

“Anything?” Ap’lek asked the guys eagerly.

They shook their heads. One you didn’t recognize spoke up. He had been in the first group.

“Just a pack of stormtroopers and a few secretaries…” His deep voice echoed through the hall. “We made quick work of scaring them off.”

Ap’lek nodded before looking down at you. He jerked his head towards the black door, motioning to Dr. Rivers.

“Well then, mission accomplished…” He sighed. “In she goes.”

“Fucking boring mission….” The first Knight muttered. A few of the men around him snickered in agreement.

“What did you expect?” Ap’lek whipped his head around towards them, cutting him off. “To fight your way through the fucking hallway?”

“Yeah, kind of.” The same one spoke again. “The way he had us drop everything for this bullshit…” You could hear the irritation in his deep tone. “I thought she’d be more…exciting. Or at least hotter.”

You felt your face flush as the unknown Knight addressed you. Ap’lek went to speak but you held your hand up swiftly, silencing him.

The Knights glanced around at each other curiously, obviously surprised by the way you had dismissed him. You could tell they were equally surprised by the way he had listened to you.

Your fear of the Knights dissipated almost instantly. You glared at the one who’d spoken up.

“I’m sorry…” You paused. “Who the fuck are you?”

The large man tilted his head. His mask was flat and plain, leaving only two small slits open for his eyes.

“Cardo.” He snapped.

“Well Cardo...” You spat his name back. “You’re an asshole.”

The mood in the hallway shifted slightly as you felt Cardo’s anger build.

“You stupid slut…” His tone became more aggressive. “What makes you think you can talk to me like that?”

“How dare you…” You let out a sarcastic gasp and clutched your chest dramatically. “I’m not stupid.”

You heard Ap’lek restrain a laugh beside you.

You smirked and continued. “That’s the best you can come up with?” You raised your eyebrows. “Well let’s hope your physical assault skills are better than your verbal ones…”

The men around you huffed but shifted uncomfortably, sensing Cardo’s reaction before you did.

“Fucking whore…” He took a large step forward. “I’ll show you an assau—"

The next few things happened quickly and simultaneously.

As Cardo moved towards you, his body froze in mid-air momentarily before being thrown back against the wall. The other Knights moved to the side quickly to avoid being hit.

Your jaw dropped in confusion as you saw his body slide down the wall and on to the floor. At the same time, the other Knights straightened their posture around you. As Ap’lek moved to the side, you finally saw what had happened.

An unmasked Commander Ren stood in the opening of the black doorway. His dark eyes glared at the man lying on the floor.

He strode over to Cardo and placed his boot against his throat. You heard the Knight gasp as the Commander added pressure.

He snarled over him. “If you speak to her like that again…” He pressed down on his throat harder, forcing the Knight to fight for his breath. “I won’t hesitate to kill you…”

He watched the man choke below him for a moment before finally jerking his foot away from his neck. “Have I made myself clear?” He growled.

“Y-Yes, Commander.” Cardo panted on the floor.

Kylo turned to face the other Knights, pointing at them aggressively.

“That goes for all of you.” He spat. “If you cross her, you fucking cross me. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Commander.” They all mumbled in semi-unison.

You gaped at him as he turned towards you. Confusion washed over you as you met his dark eyes.

What the fuck just happened…

He looked you up and down intently before turning and stalking back down the glass hallway towards his room.

Cardo stood to his feet and stormed in the opposite direction, not bothering to look your way. All of the Knights except for Vicrul and Ap’lek, followed him out slowly.

“Don’t worry, Kid.” Ap’lek nudged your shoulder. “He’ll come around.”

You shrugged. You didn’t care.

Your mind was now preoccupied with the Commander. Watching him come to your defense had struck a nerve somewhere deep inside of you. It hadn’t even been that stressful of a situation…you’d certainly been in worse.

Most involving him as the antagonist…

But the way he’d flown to your side had been…surprising. Interesting to say the least.

You sighed to yourself as you felt your train of thought gearing up to take you to place you didn’t want to go. You did your best to suppress your curiosity.

The doctor pushed you through the doorway and into the glass hall. You turned around to see Ap’lek and Vicrul take their positions around the outside door.

Guard duty…you’d almost forgotten they did that. It must be their shift…

Ap’lek nodded in your direction before the black door slid shut.

As Dr. Rivers pushed you down the dark, glass hallway, you couldn’t help but admire the way the moonlight filtered through the large windows. Every time you saw it, it brought you back to the same memory. Your eyes fell to the spot where the Commander had been inside you.

Your heart fluttered at the memory.

The door to his room was open. You looked around nervously as you entered the space. You noticed the leather couches had been replaced with one large, U-shaped sectional that sat in front of the fireplace. You remembered what had happened to the old couch and shook your head.

The Commander stood inside of the doorway and addressed the doctor immediately.

“I’ve got it from here.” He mumbled.

“Commander, I need to get her settled in…” She protested.

“I said…” His tone sharpened. “I’ve got it from here.”

You looked up at her nervously, pleading with her with your eyes. You didn’t want her to go.

“Very well then…” She gave you a sympathetic smile. “Send for me if you need anything, Dear.” She moved towards the door, narrowing her eyes slightly. “I’ll be sending someone over to check on you in the morning.”

She nodded to the Commander as she shut the door behind her.

You turned around to face the room again. Anxiety grew within you as you looked around the cold, uninviting space.

You weren’t ready to be alone with him. You weren’t ready for this frigid, shell of a room to become your home.

Your emotions ran wild as you remembered the previous nights you’d spent in his quarters. The memories of this space haunted you to your core.

The beating, the branding, the fucking window…

But it wasn’t just the violent memories that dug into your soul, it was the softer ones too.

You looked over at the fireplace, remembering the way he’d held you on the couch. The way he’d brushed his fingers through your hair. You looked at the glass wall, remembering the way he’d kissed you in front of it. The way he had rested his forehead against yours. The way he had looked at you…

You thought about the glass hallway and how you felt him inside of you every time you passed the spot. Your heart skipped, betraying you again.

Did he think about it too?

He sighed behind you. “Only every fucking day…”

You jumped lightly at the sound of his voice. Ironically, you’d forgotten about him, preoccupied by your thoughts.

You swallowed loudly as you scooted yourself around in the chair to look at him.

He unclipped his cape and tossed it over the table in the entryway as he moved closer. He took a deep breath as he looked directly at you; his hazel eyes instantly chipped away at your resolve.

He didn’t speak as he moved in front of you and wrapped his arms around your body, picking you up quickly.

You inhaled loudly from the unexpected contact. Instinctively, you flinched under his touch. He looked down at you and lowered his eyebrows as he gauged your reaction.

“I’m not going to hurt you…” He sighed. The irritation obvious in his tone. “Why do you always think that?”

You glared up at him.

“You’re seriously asking me that?”

He sucked on his teeth but didn’t speak again as he carried you to the staircase and up into his lofted bedroom.

You glanced around the loft and noticed the changes. The bed was more or less the same but had extra pillows stacked against the back wall. A lot of extra pillows. You also noticed a second comforter folded neatly at the base of the bed.

There was an extra chair in the corner and side table with a stack of books on it. The minimal bedroom furniture had been rearranged to allow for a second dresser.

For you?

The Commander sat you on the foot of bed and nodded.

“MD-80 has already transferred and unpacked your things…” He cleared his throat and motioned to the small door in the corner of the loft. “You also have space in the closet…”

You widened your eyes as you looked around the bedroom. Violent emotion banged on the door of your mind, begging to be let in. You fought to suppress it as its strength grew.

There was no running from him here. There was no hiding from your feelings or your conflict. He was everywhere. You smelt his scent all around you. You felt his presence all around you. This was his room. His space.

“It’s yours now…” He shook his head. “I won’t be here unless I have to be.”

To your dismay, his words broke down the door that held your emotion at bay. Unexplainable sadness swept into your heart. He narrowed his eyes as he felt it.

“It’s for the best…” He mumbled as he turned to leave. “Read the books...” He jerked his head towards the side table.

Tears pooled in your eyes as you watched him walk towards the stairs. How did he do this to you? How did he manage to break you into pieces without even trying?

You didn’t understand the feeling that gripped your heart as you remembered something from before. You spoke impulsively.

“Kylo…” You called after him quietly.

He turned around and raised his eyebrows.

“T-Thank you for…” You brought your hand up and touched your necklace. “…for holding on to this for me.”

You saw something unfamiliar flash across his expression. His gaze softened as he looked at you. 

“You’re welcome.” He nodded slowly.

You inhaled deeply as you looked into his eyes from across the room. The tension in the air was nearly tangible. The conflicting feelings inside both of you radiated through the lofted space.

Words filtered through your mind, trying to form a sentence that made sense. A sentence that explained the way you felt. A sentence that made him understand why you’d done the things you’d done, and why you’d said the things you’d said.

A sentence that explained why you couldn’t manage to speak to him like an actual person. A sentence that made him see that you couldn’t breathe when you were with him…

A sentence that explained why the only thought worse than staying in his room, was staying his room alone…

You felt your anxiety grow as you sensed the same nervous energy from his side of the loft. You recognized a similar struggle as it brewed inside of him.

The sentence was never formed, and the words were left unspoken.

“Goodnight, Captain.” He sighed as he moved again.

A tear broke down your cheek as you watched him leave.

“Goodnight, Commander…”

He walked down the stairs quietly, moving out the main door quickly and slamming it shut behind him.

_________________________________

It had been five days since you’d seen him.

Other than the regular visits from Dr. Rivers and her nurses, you sat in his quarters alone.

MD-80 delivered your meals and cleaning droids brought your laundry, but other than that, your social interaction had been completely eliminated.

The isolation was beginning to take a toll on you as you leafed through the last book he had left for you.

So far, you’d read about the history of the Sith, the construction and deconstruction of the Galactic Empire, the return of the Jedi and the rise of the new Republic.

Your brain was swimming in seemingly useless and slightly overwhelming information. As you read through the complicated history, you struggled to understand how any of this applied to you.

Your thoughts had begun to spiral out of control as the isolation propelled you into an abyss of self-awareness.

You thought about your family. You thought about Naboo. You thought about Marco and your friends. You thought about your actions and the consequences they had brought to the ones you loved.

You thought about yourself, and the new power you held. You thought about how you felt yourself changing, about how you felt yourself growing into a different version of yourself.

But mostly, you thought about Kylo Ren.

You thought about his cruelty, his anger, his unrelenting passion and aggression. You thought about the way his fists and his words had hurt you, the way his voice tore at the very fiber of your being.

Despite yourself, you also thought about the way his lips had felt against yours. The way his hands had felt against your skin. You couldn’t deny the obvious physical desire you felt towards him, but now you feared it was something more.

You thought about his past, the mystery that had begun to unravel that night on Chandrila but had been largely left untold.

As you’d read through the history books, you had come across names that had triggered the story in your distant memory.

You had questions for the Commander. Questions you wanted answered. But at the same time, you feared asking them. You didn’t want to get to know him more. The power he held over you was already too much for you to comprehend. You feared that any additional communication would only deepen your strange connection to him.

Your heart ached as you tried to navigate your feelings and your expectations. You sighed as you stood up from the corner chair in the loft and moved to find a new place to sit.

You didn’t even wince as you moved. Your body was healing well. You could walk and shower fairly easily now and could make it up and down the steps on your own, if you moved slowly.

Your cramps had subsided significantly as your period was winding down and the bleeding was so light that you’d stopped wearing the tampons. The bruising on your ribs had faded significantly and you’d stopped wrapping the bandages over your wounds as they had begun to scab over nicely.

You hoped that with continued improvement, the doctor would clear you for work again soon. You felt your mental strength declining with every second you stayed in the room.

But even so, you’d grown more content with the Commander’s space over the past few days. Now that you could go up and down the stairs, the large room had slowly become cozier as you settled into different places. Boredom had compelled you to explore the room, and you often found yourself wandering around searching for new places to read.

Your favorite place was on the sectional, in front of the large fireplace. You’d even slept on it the night before. Dragging the extra comforter and pillows down the stairs had been a struggle, but one that was well worth it as you sunk down against them now, enjoying the heat from the flames.

As you skimmed the book in your hands, you heard the door to the room open and close. You didn’t look up from your book, instead you called out to the droid.

“MD, I already told you…I’m good on dinner.” You sighed to him. For some reason, he insisted on bringing you massive quantities of food. You still had some leftover in the refrigerator from the previous nights and you were running out of space quickly.

“Thanks though…” You brought your eyes up from the pages to thank him.

Your heart stopped in your chest as you saw the Commander standing in the kitchen. The air in the room was sucked out instantly as he looked you over.

You tried to catch your breath as your heart rate fluttered into an abnormal range. You looked at the pillows and the comforter on the couch nervously. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t know you were coming, or I wouldn’t hav—”

He shook his head, cutting you off.

“I didn’t know I was coming either…”

You closed the book and sat up straighter on the couch as he walked towards you. You looked him over curiously. His energy was back to normal; strong and dark. He looked like his usual terrifying self, but somehow his countenance was different. You couldn’t put your finger on it. You found yourself wondering briefly where he’d been sleeping. You spoke without thinking.

“Where have you been?”

You tensed as the question left your lips. You didn’t ask him things. He didn’t ask you things. You didn’t talk to one another.

You only yelled.

Or fucked…

Or both.

But recently, it hadn’t been either.

He narrowed his gaze as he moved closer to the couch. You could see the wheels turning in his mind as he decided if he should answer you.

“The training room.” He finally spoke.

You remembered the rooms attached to the training area. At the time, you’d assumed that they were quarters for the Knights of Ren.

You must have been right. He’d been staying with them…

“They’re your friends…” You nodded your head slowly. “The Knights?”

“I don’t have friends.” He scoffed as he sat down on the opposite side of the couch. “They’re my subordinates, my students…”

“Like me…” You spoke without thinking again.

Your face flushed immediately. You needed to get it together. Your head snapped up as you anticipated his response. To your surprise, a slight smile crossed over his lips.

“Not exactly.” He huffed to himself.

You felt the corners of your mouth turn up slightly as you mirrored his expression.

“So why are you here now?” You probed, pushing him further. “Did the Knights kick you out?”

He peeled the gloves off his hands and brought one hand up to rub his temple. “The training room is…” He shook his head, trying to find the words. “…currently occupied.”

“Occupied?” You squinted at him as you tried to fight the urge to smile at his tone. He seemed…uncomfortable. “How so?”

He sighed and moved his hand to rub his eyes. “The Knights have…guests tonight.”

“Guests?”

He nodded, amusement lingering over his expression.

“Like…friends?” You didn’t understand.

“No.”

“So then what kind of guests?” You shook your head, trying to push him to spit it out.

“Occasionally…” He paused and sucked on his teeth, noticeably conflicted about telling you. “They’ll fly in women from a nearby system…” He shrugged as he specified. “Working women…” 

You felt heat flood to your face as you finally understood. He shook his head as he stood to his feet.

“You asked…”

The heat that engulfed your cheeks brought an unwelcome emotion to the surface of your mind. 

“You weren’t interested?” You narrowed your gaze at him.

He huffed again as he turned towards the stairs and moved to walk up into the loft.

“Not this time…”

Your heart flipped over in your chest. You tried to ignore its loud thumping as you watched the Commander ascend into the loft.

You heard the sound of drawers moving and doors opening overhead.

Your hands shook as you picked up the book from the couch and tried to find where you’d left off. You thumbed through the pages, trying to focus. You couldn’t remember what you’d been reading about.

Something about the Trade Federation…

You tried to even your breathing as you heard the Commander walk back down the stairs. You kept your head in the book, but peeked above the pages slightly, stealing a glance at him as he moved to grab a water bottle out of the refrigerator.

He was wearing a long sleeve, black undershirt and a pair of black sweatpants. The sweatpants were tapered at the ankle like joggers.

You watched his shoulders move under the thin shirt, taken aback by his lack of heavy layers. You’d barely seen any of his body and the outline alone was enough to send your anxiety into dangerous territory.

You diverted your thoughts quickly, moving your eyes back to the book.

Trade Federation, Trade Federation, Trade Federation…

The Commander turned off the kitchen light and moved to stand in front of the massive bookshelf. You glanced over your shoulder out of the large, glass wall.

The sun was setting rapidly, sending waves of pinks and purples over the far skyline. The dark night sky mixed with the sunset, pulling blackness down over the horizon little by little. Stars began to populate as night crept over the base. The blue rays of moonlight shown through the glass and floated down over the large room, landing over the Commander’s shoulders as he browsed the bookshelf. The orange glow from the fireplace spread out over the couch, filling the space with soft, warm light that mixed with the blue shine of the moon somewhere in the middle of the room.

You tried not to stare as the Commander pulled a book from the shelf and moved to sit across from you on the sectional.

He raised his eyebrows as he met your gaze. “May I join you, Captain?

You inhaled visibly but nodded.

He sat down closer than expected, sitting only a short distance away from you as you sat in the corner of the U-shaped couch. You blinked rapidly as you tried to understand.

He wanted to…read with you? Sit with you? What was he playing at?

He sighed as he opened the hardback and propped his feet on the coffee table.

“How is reading in my own room, on my own couch, suspicious?” He leafed through the pages, stopping somewhere in the center of the book. “If you don’t want me here, just say so.” He looked up from the pages, cutting his eyes into yours.

“That’s not it…” You felt your pulse quicken predictably. “I do want you here…”

As you spoke the words, you realized you meant them. You’d been lonely in the room by yourself and having him next to you filled a hole in your chest you hadn’t realized existed.

“Ok then.” He let his eyes fall back to the printed words.

You nodded, bringing your attention back to your own book. “Ok then...”

You felt a pang of guilt move through you as you thought through the interaction. You had automatically painted him as a villain.

Just like everyone else.

You reached over and adjusted the white comforter over your legs. You pulled the tension from the blanket and spread it around you further, tossing it over the Commander’s lap.

He looked up at you again.

“Well If you’re going to join me, then join me.” You shrugged at him and snuggled up in your corner. “It’s cozier this way…”

You saw the corners of his mouth turn up slightly as he looked you over. The unfamiliar emotion rolled over his expression again. He nodded and grabbed the blanket, adjusting his lower body beneath it and scooting himself closer to you in the process.

Now only a few feet away from you, you felt the heat from his body spread beneath the comforter. You smiled internally as you let your gaze fall back to the book.

Trade Federation, Trade Federation, Trade Federation

You sat together in silence as the minutes rolled by. The only sound in the room came from the crackling of the wood in the fireplace.

You read the same paragraph over and over, trying to focus. You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand as you yawned absentmindedly.

Your book sucked. It certainly wasn’t a page turner. You slid your hand through your hair, picking up a piece in between your fingers. You swirled it around lightly as you attempted to navigate the murky waters of intergalactic politics.

Suddenly, you began to feel uneasy, as if someone were watching you. You lifted your eyes up from the page to see the Commander staring at you from over his own book.

You sucked in your bottom lip slightly as you looked into his deep, hazel eyes. They dug into yours with a strange intensity, peppered with the same unfamiliar emotion as before.

“Is your book boring too?” You whispered.

He shook his head.

“No.”

You exhaled slowly. “Well mine is…”

He raised his eyebrows. “Which one is it?”

You lifted it up slightly to show him the cover.

His eyes lit up. “Yeah, that one is a waste of time…”

You scrunched your face. “But you’re the one who told me to read it…”

He smirked slightly. “Well now that you’re not my pet, I have to find new ways to punish you, don’t I?”

You tried to smirk back, but somewhere deep inside, his words hurt you. “I think I prefer the old punishment…” You mumbled as you thumbed through the thick book.

You saw him shift under the comforter. “I think I do too…”

You closed your book, suddenly keen to take advantage of his uncharacteristic mellowness.

“Commander, may I ask you a question?”

He narrowed his gaze but nodded.

“It’s about the other book…the one about the Jedi…” You took a deep breath, trying to tap into a hidden vault of courage. “Luke Skywalker…did you know him?”

You felt his energy shift dramatically, but he stayed calm, calculating his answer carefully. “Yes.” As he spoke, you noticed his jaw clench. “He’s my uncle…”

You felt your eyes widen. Kylo was the nephew of Luke Skywalker? You let your memory take you back to the story the merchant had told you on Chandrila.

The story of Ben Solo. The boy who turned against his master and became Kylo Ren.

You stared at your lap, unable to meet his eyes. You felt his body twitch beside you. He closed his book and threw it on the couch between you.

“The story you heard was true...” He snapped, his voice becoming colder by the second. “…but Ben Solo is dead. I destroyed him.”

“You became a different person…” You nodded quickly, pulling your eyes up to him. “I understand…”

You looked into his eyes again, seeing them darken significantly as you probed further.

“Kylo…” You sighed. “Is that what’s happening to me?” You shook your head. “Because that’s what I don’t understand…” You paused. “How did you know you weren’t meant to be Ben? How do you know who I’m meant to be?”

He sighed and rotated his body towards you. You had to fight down the urge to flinch at his movement, but you held your ground.

“I’ve spent my whole life being groomed to fit someone else’s agenda…” His voice was distant, almost sad. Your nerves dissipated the second he spoke. You felt your demeanor soften as you noticed.

“The only thing I had to myself was the Dark Side. It was the only thing I had that felt like it truly belonged to me.” He flared his nostrils as he continued. “The darkness is mine. It’s not my mother’s, or my father’s, or my uncle’s…it’s mine.”

He turned and looked into the fire.

“The Dark Side offered me freedom…” He exhaled loudly. “Freedom that felt impossible before…”

You felt your heart jump as he moved his hand closer to you.

“I know I’ve fallen into the hands of another Master…” He shook his head as he continued. “But my time is coming…” He looked up into your eyes. “…and so is yours.”

He placed his hand over yours, sending a wild flutter through your body.

“Remember what I said about the past?”

You nodded, still eyeing his hand on yours.

“Let it die…” You whispered.

“Kill it, if you have too...” He nodded back. “…and that’s exactly what I did.”

You moved your hand in his boldly, flipping it over and running your fingers along the lines in his palm. You felt him tense beside you at the movement.

“If Luke is your uncle then…” You racked your brains, remembering the words you’d read. “…then your mother is Leia Organa?” You stared at his hand as you played with it, your nerves coming back quickly. “I-I read about her in the book...”

You felt his thoughts slip away momentarily as he thought about her.

“Yes.”

You let the information sink in. You couldn’t imagine having Leia Organa as a mother. The Princess, the General, the legend…

“That must have been…” You shook your head, your words trailing off.

“Must have been what?” He snapped as he turned his face towards you. You felt his energy shift, he was closing off again.

“Hard.” You finished your sentence. “I was going to say hard…”

He huffed as he pulled his hand from yours. “You have no fucking idea what it was like…”

You narrowed your eyes at his change in tone. “So tell me.” You leaned back on the couch quietly. “Tell me what it was like…”

He turned around and looked into your eyes, visibly frustrated at the intrusion on his memory.

“You want to know what it was like?” He rubbed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. You felt his anger growing.

“Imagine knowing from birth that you’d never live up to your family’s expectations…” You saw his shoulders move slowly as he breathed deeply. “My whole life they conditioned me, groomed me, pressured me…”

He moved his face from his hands and stared into the fire again.

“And the expectations for my life extended well past them. There wasn’t a single fucking system in the galaxy I could go to get away from it…”

The orange glow from the flames bounced over his sharp features as he probed further into his memory.

“They molded me like clay. They used me like a tool in their new Republic, in my Uncle’s Jedi temple, in their own fucking marriage…” You saw his jaw clench as he pulled himself deeper. “…and then when they were done using me, they would leave.” He cleared his throat. “Leave me with Luke, to be poked and prodded…until they needed me again.”

You felt your palms sweat as he spoke. You knew he was only showing you the surface of his pain, of his trauma…

His resentment made sense now…

“I had nothing that was only mine. Nothing that I could truly control…until I found the darkness.”

As you watched him speak, guilt and anger panged your heart. You kept a respectful distance on the couch, but held your hand out to him, tapping him on the knee.

“Before the war my father was a smuggler, a criminal…” He grabbed your hand without looking at it. Locking his fingers in yours. “…a-and Luke was a fucking farmer!” His anger built as he raised his voice.

“Then they had the nerve to make me believe I wasn’t good enough. To make me feel like I wasn’t worthy of the Skywalker line…”

You felt his hand shake below yours.

“I’m more of a fucking Skywalker than any of them.” He was losing his control, his rage bubbling up like molten lava. “The Dark Side is in our blood, it’s in our nature.” You felt the dark energy radiate over him as spoke.

“They were just too fucking weak to claim it…” He shook his head as he let go of your hand. “...but not me.”

He looked at you, his eyes glowed in the yellow haze from the fire. You could feel his anger, his strength. “I’ll be the end of their fucking bloodline. When I finish what I’ve started…history will remember me, not them.”

He turned to stare back into the flames. You felt your mouth go dry as you gazed at his profile, watching the light from the fire send shadows over his face. You sat quietly for a moment, unsure of what to say.

You didn’t want to push him further. You could tell he needed space.

“Good...” You leaned away from him and scooted back in the corner of the sectional, picking up the book again. “Fuck them.”

A new charge moved through the air as he snapped his head towards you.

“What did you say?”

You swallowed loudly. The electric charge ran through the air aggressively now, sending strangely familiar shivers down your spine.

“I said fuck them.”

He turned his body around to face you. Instantly, you felt the energy in the room shift. You felt his dominance.

His desire.

“Say it again.”

Your eyes widened at his tone. You felt the heat accumulate inside your lower abdomen. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“I said…” he placed both of his palms on the couch around your legs, moving himself into a crouched position over you. “…say it again.”

Your breathing shallowed at you watched him hover over your legs.

“Your parents…” You shook your head slowly. “…your uncle…” You narrowed your gaze seductively as you met his eyes. “Fuck them.”

You saw his eye twitch slightly. Your heavy breathing was nearly synchronized with his as you stared at each other in silence. The electric charge bounced in the air between you, acting like an invisible magnet.

You both moved together.

You threw the blanket off your lap and slid forward, scooting underneath his body. He pushed the books onto the floor and leaned over you rapidly.

Your lips met impatiently in the middle.

You sighed against his mouth instantly as his tongue pushed against yours. Fire rolled through your body as you moved with him, the intensity of the kiss built as he wrapped his arms underneath your body, pulling you closer to him.

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you moved your arms around his neck. You pushed back against him, moving to straddle him on the couch. You sunk down over him, grabbing the couch behind his head and pressing yourself into him.

You pulled your lips from his and kissed down his jawline. He inhaled sharply below you. Your emotions ran wild as you moved your mouth to his again.

What the fuck were you doing? You knew this wasn’t a good idea. This wasn’t healthy or beneficial for anyone. You had one normal conversation and now you were ready to forgive him?

No. You weren’t forgiving him. You snapped at yourself. You were fucking him.

There was a difference.

“This doesn’t mean anything…” The violent memories flashed through your mind as you pulled your lips from his again. “I still fucking hate you…”

He moved his lips to your neck, kissing down it gently. He smirked against your skin.

“I hate you more.”

His voice sent chills down your spine. He said he hated you too…

So why did you find it hot?

“Say it again.” You whispered his own words over him as he ran his tongue along your collarbone.

You felt him exhale slowly below you. You could feel the conflict inside of him as his energy changed directions rapidly. He pushed you off of him and stood to his feet.

Your chest moved up and down quickly as you tried to regulate your breathing. The surprise of his mood shift sunk over you.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he paced in front of the fire. “I hate you more.” He spat as he looked over at you. His voice was full of emotion you couldn’t label. “I fucking hate you more…”

“Ok damn, Kylo...” You narrowed your eyes, trying to contain your obvious hurt. “That’s enough, I get it…”

“No. You don’t get it.” He shook his head as he turned away from the couch. He moved to walk up into the loft. “Just leave me alone…”

Anger flashed through you violently. You stood to your feet.

“How about you leave me alone…” You tossed your hands up in the air. “Who the fuck was it that came over here in the first place?” You snapped. “Gods, what is your problem?”

He scowled at you as he paused on the stairs. “You.” He spat. “You’re my fucking problem.”

You glared back.

“Why don’t you just go back to the training room then?” You snapped. “Go fuck someone. Get it out of your system so you can stop acting like such an asshole.”

“Is that what you want?” His eyes were wild. “For me to fuck someone else like you did?”

His words stung your heart, and he knew it. He shook his head as he walked up the stairs. He was barely visible now as he stood at the foot of the bed.

“Sorry to disappoint you, princess…” His voice floated over the space. “…but I’m not going anywhere. This is my fucking room.”

“So it’s yours again then?” You snapped as you stormed over to the staircase. You walked up the steps faster than usual, your head swam slightly as you reached the top. You grabbed the banister for support as you swayed lightly on your feet.

Concern flashed over his face as he looked at you. You saw him twitch instinctively, reaching out to steady you.

“Don’t touch me.” You swatted his hands away. “You’re done touching me.”

“Fine. Fall then.” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t fucking care.”

You felt tears build in your eyes. “You don’t care about anything.”

He turned his back towards you. “You don’t know anything about me. You don’t know what I care about.”

“I know it’s not me.”

The words slipped out before you could stop them.

His energy changed in front of you again. You felt his conflict as he searched for the words. He never found them.

“You act like it matters…” He shook his head and stormed into the refresher, pausing briefly in the doorway. “…we both it doesn’t.”

“What?” You shook your head as you followed him inside. “What doesn’t matter?”

“You know exactly what...” He shook his head again as he walked over to the large, glass shower and turned the water on. “...and can you get the fuck out? I need a minute here.”

You glared at him.

“No.”

“I said…” He shook his head violently, pointing at you. “Get out.”

“No.” You raised your eyebrows. “You said it yourself…this is my room. This is my…” You looked around the room frantically, trying to find something to claim. “...my fucking shower.”

You moved around him, sliding under his body to step towards the tiled, glass enclosure. You reached inside and turned the water off carefully, avoiding the stream.

“Bye now.” You waved sarcastically. “Why don’t you go see if the Knights saved someone for you...”

He flared his nostrils as he looked you up and down. You tried to block him as he pushed his way around you, shoving you into the shower in the process. He turned the water on again.

“A-ASSHOLE.” You gasped as the cold water hit you straight on, soaking your hair and sweatshirt. “Y-You fucking asshole.” You shivered as the water rolled down your face. “Get out of my shower, get out of my room!”

“It’s not yours.” He snapped “None of this is yours.”

“You said it was!” You fumed as you tried to move around him. “And now it’s not? How the fuck am I supposed to keep up?”

You tried to maneuver around him to turn the water off again, but he grabbed your wrists and pushed you against the wall. The water hit him directly, soaking through his black shirt, forcing the thin fabric to cling to his wide shoulders.

You felt his heart rate increase. His breathing slowed as he looked into your eyes, your mouth went dry as you registered the emotion inside of his hazel gaze.

“The only thing in this room that’s yours…” He snarled as he brought his face closer to you, his damp hair dripped down your cheeks.

“…is me.”

His tone softened as he spoke the last words of the sentence. You widened your eyes as you registered what he’d just said.

He was…yours?

The emotions that tore through your body threatened to rip you apart from the inside out. You’d never felt like this before. You’d never had someone push your buttons so perfectly, so sadistically.

He drove you insane. He drove you absolutely wild.

Your body shook under the cold water as you looked into his eyes. You felt his raw emotion. You felt his conflict. You felt his need.

You reacted to the violent emotion impulsively. You yanked your wrists from his grip and grabbed the front of his wet shirt.

You pulled him closer and kissed him.

He responded immediately, pressing you harder against the wall of the shower. You pushed your tongue inside of his mouth and felt him moan below you. You ran your hands down his damp chest, stopping at the bottom of his shirt.

He pulled his lips away from yours as he looked into your eyes. His breathing shallowed as your shaking hands touched his bare skin.

You’d never touched his body before. You’d never even seen his body before. He’d always been covered in layers of heavy fabric. You reached out to him, pushing lightly into his mind as you slowly moved your hands up his bare chest.

Is this ok?

He blinked rapidly as the water rolled down his face. He nodded as he grabbed you by the back of your neck, pulling your lips back up to his.

He kissed you passionately as you explored his body with your fingertips. You traced over his smooth chest, memorizing every dip and crease of his muscles.

The water began to heat up as you pulled his black shirt off over his head. You leaned back, taking in his naked chest for the first time.

You exhaled audibly as you let your eyes trail over him. His wide, muscular chest was marked with scars. The lines of the healed wounds curved around his form, painting his body with violent, beautiful brush strokes. You trembled as you reached out to trace your fingers over the lines.

“F-Fuck…” You whispered as you shook your head, looking up into his eyes.

He smirked at you and pressed you back against the wall, running his hands up your sides and under your soaked sweater.

“Your turn…” He whispered in your ear as he pulled the sweater off over your head.

The warm water ran down your bare chest as he pulled you closer. He trailed his hand down your neck to your breasts, rolling your nipple in between his fingers. You moaned below him as you moved your hands to his waist band, pulling his sweatpants and underwear down to the shower floor. You kicked them to the side.

You stared at his freed erection as it sprang forward. The size was more intimidating now that you could see all of it. You trembled as you moved your hands down to grip him.

He inhaled sharply under your touch and grabbed your hips violently. He latched your soaked leggings with his thumbs and pushed them to the floor.

The wetness between your legs grew as he ran his hand up your thigh. You gasped as you remembered something.

Your period.

“Kylo we-…” You pulled away from him shyly as you remembered. “We can’t, I--…”

He narrowed his eyes as you attempted to lean away. He wrapped one hand behind your back and pulled you closer to him, moving you to straddle his naked thigh. His erection pressed against you as he moved his other hand directly between your legs.

“You don’t know me very well…” He circled his middle finger over your clit as he spoke. “…if you think I’m afraid of a little blood.”

You whimpered as he pressed against the sensitive spot. He moved his middle finger down to your entrance. Your body trembled as you realized his intentions.

“Look at me.” He spat.

You looked up into his eyes immediately, locking onto his intense gaze.

“Good girl…”

As he spoke, he pushed his middle finger inside of you. You gasped as you rocked against him, sliding up his arm to rub it against your clit as he pushed his fingers inside of you.

You felt your sensitive walls respond to him quickly. You moaned as you reached out to touch him, grabbing his length with both hands.

He inhaled abruptly, allowing the contact as you moved over him.

The warm water flowed down around you as you looked into each other’s eyes. You matched your breathing to his as you worked with his rhythm, touching him at the same pace he was touching you.

The pleasure from his hand built quickly. You grunted in disapproval as he pulled his fingers out of you.

You eyed them anxiously. A small crimson trail dripped down his fingers and fell onto the white tile, mixing with the water and running down the drain.

He smirked at you as he held his hand underneath the stream of water, rinsing off the blood.

You gaped at him.

It was the hottest fucking thing you’d ever seen.

You moved on him, pushing him back into the opposite wall. You swung your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you, kissing him deeply. He sighed as he moved his arms underneath you, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his waist. He turned you around and leaned you against the glass.

He stared at your chest as the water rolled down it. Your nipples hardened as they entered the cooler air. He leaned into you and kissed your throat, licking the water as it rolled down the side of your neck. As his lips reached the base of your neck, he bit down.

You sighed into his ear as little tremors of pain shot up your neck.

“Do you like that, Baby?” He hummed against your skin as he moved his lips back up to yours.

You breathed heavily as you nodded against him.

He moved one hand to your back to stabilize you and slid the other one up your chest slowly, twisting it into your wet hair. He tugged on your hair briskly, stretching your neck in front of his face.

You inhaled loudly.

“You’ve forgotten so quickly…” He shook his head. “…to answer me when I ask you a fucking question.”

Your heart pounded loudly at his words. His tone sent goosebumps down your arms. Your body ached for him. Your mind fought for clarity, but you knew you were too far gone. In this moment, you wanted nothing more than for him to fuck you.

Hard.

Relentlessly.

Mercilessly.

You felt him shift below you. He balanced you against the glass as he moved to position himself outside of your entrance. He released your hair and moved his hand to your throat, holding it lightly as he brought his wet mouth to yours. Your lips barely touched as he kissed you gently.

“Is that what you want, Pet?” He whispered.

Pet.

Your heart skipped a beat as you looked into his deep eyes. His wet hair clung to his face, carving out his sharp features. Unexpected happiness flooded into your mind.

Pet Pet Pet

He kissed you lightly again. “Answer me, Baby.”

You smiled against his lips. You wanted to drive him crazy too, and you knew exactly what would do it. You leaned into his ear and kissed his earlobe gently.

“Yes, Daddy.” You whispered.

He groaned in response and you felt his control snap. He adjusted below you and pushed you down onto his length, splitting you in half with the thrust. You cried out as he moved inside of you.

You leaned forward, impaling yourself onto him as you gripped his neck. As he pushed himself into you, you felt something roll over your stimulated spot. You gasped as he moved the Force over your clit.

“Fuck, I missed you…” He growled into your neck. “Did you miss me?”

“Y-Yes…” You breathed as he increased the pressure on your clit.

He dropped you to your feet and turned you around aggressively, pressing you into the glass. Standing behind you now, he shoved himself inside of you again.

“Yes, what?” He snapped as he pushed into you harder, moving you against the wall violently.

“Y-Yes, Daddy!” You cried out as he slammed into you. “Yes, I missed you.”

You arched your back and pressed against him, moving your hips to meet his thrusts.

“Fuuuck…” He leaned in and groaned in your ear as he wrapped his hand around your throat. “You feel so fucking good…”

His voice almost made you cum.

You gasped against him as he added pressure around your neck, still circling your clit with the Force.

The water ran down your arched back as he fucked you from behind. You felt tears build as the pleasure grew beyond what you could imagine. You knew you were going to cum harder than you ever had before.

And it scared you.

“Good…” He breathed behind you as he pulled out. He grabbed you by the hair and stepped out of the shower, pulling you behind him painfully.

Your wet bodies dripped over the tiled floor as he dragged you in front of the full body mirror at the back of the refresher. You winced as he released your hair.

He moved behind you again and pushed himself inside of you without warning. You gasped and fell forward, bracing yourself against the mirror with your palms.

“Look at yourself while I fuck you.” He murmured behind you. “I want you to see how fucking pretty you look when you cum for me…”

You looked into the mirror, staring into your own eyes as his words pushed your orgasm to the surface.

“But first…” He paused. “…there’s something I want to know, Little Girl…” He slowed his pace inside of you, pulling himself all the way out and all the way back in with slow, deliberate strokes. “Who did you think about while you fucked him?”

Your face flushed as you registered his words. Was he really asking you this? You didn’t want to think about that right now…

He narrowed his eyes at your reflection. “WHO?” He snapped.

Fuck it. What was the point in lying? You had a feeling he already knew.

“Y-You…” You cried out as he increased the pressure between your legs. “I-I thought about you…”

Admitting it brought tears to your eyes as your body climbed to the highest peak it had ever been to.

He smirked at you in the mirror as he alternated the pressure around your clit, sending your body into light convulses as you fought to hold in your release. You closed your eyes as the chills rolled down your arms.

“I know…” He whispered in your ear.

He sighed as he pushed into you harder, wrapping his hand around your throat and pulling you back into his chest aggressively.

“Now open your fucking eyes…” He ordered as he groaned behind you. “…and cum for me.”

You opened your eyes and looked into the mirror again, crying out loudly as the orgasm hit you. Had it not been for his arms around you, you would have fallen to the floor as the waves washed over you. You stared into his eyes in the reflection and clenched around him as you rode the climax into the stars. Tears rolled down your cheeks as the intense orgasm ripped through you.

He moaned in your ear as he came with you. You panted violently as you fell back into his arms. The feeling of his cock pulsing inside of you prolonged your release, sending new tremors through your body.

You shuddered as you drifted down from the atmosphere. Your legs nearly gave out below you. He caught you and turned you around to face him, pulling you into an embrace. You stood silently in his arms, listening to his rapid heartbeat.

After a few moments, he kissed you on the top of the head and grabbed you by the hand, leading you back into the running shower.

The water ran cold now as he pulled you underneath it. You shivered and began to protest.

“Shh…” He shook his head. “We’ll be quick.”

He steadied you and grabbed the shampoo, pouring some out in his hand.

“Turn around.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself and turned away from him. He moved the shampoo through your hair gently, massaging your scalp with his fingertips.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you leaned into him. His hands felt good. He washed it out quickly and leaned over your shoulder, kissing your neck from behind.

“Soap now.”

You smiled to yourself as you handed him the soap.

What the hell was going on…and why did you fucking love it?

He lathered his hands and moved the soap over your body, starting with your shoulders and back.

“Turn.”

You did.

He unfolded your arms and ran the soap up your stomach and breasts, lingering a little too long over your nipple, he rolled over it with his fingertips. You wiggled in disapproval.

“Fine…” He huffed.

He moved down your thighs and over your legs. He tossed the soap to the side and moved his lathered hand between your legs, running it over you gently. You tensed as his fingers brushed over your overstimulated clit.

“Almost done.”

He brought his hands to your shoulders and rotated you around in the water, rinsing you off. He stepped under the water himself and washed his own hair and skin quickly, turning the water off afterwards.

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed a few towels from the closet. He wrapped one around his waist, securing it on his hip, while the other he draped around you. He picked you up and carried you out of the refresher, sitting you on the foot of the bed.

He pulled some clothes from your dresser and handed them to you. You slipped on the sweater and the underwear, leaving the leggings on the bed.

He disappeared into the closet.

You sat on the bed and let the emotion roll through you. Your heart fluttered as you relived the interaction. You closed your eyes as you remembered his hands, his lips…his words.

His words…He’d said he was yours…

What did he mean by that? You trembled as you tried to work through what had just happened.

Had you forgiven him? Had he forgiven you?

No... You knew the wounds you’d given each other couldn’t be healed by sex. No matter how good it was…

You needed more from him, and he needed more from you. Something more that neither one of you seemed capable of giving. You fought down the urge to cry as you tried to put your finger on what it was you needed…on what it was you wanted.

You were so fucked…

In every way.

You saw movement out of the corner of your eye as he walked out of the closet. You widened your eyes as you saw him. He was wearing his layered uniform again.

“Y-You’re leaving?” Your voice was quiet as you looked him over in surprise. “Why?”

He shook his head. “You know why.”

“No, I don’t know why.” You flared your nostrils. "Stop saying I know things."

“Well we both know this needs to stop.” He sighed as he moved his hands through his wet hair. “This can’t happen again.”

Your pulse dropped as you processed his statement. You felt your heart breaking, crumbling into a thousand pieces.

So just like that, he was done with you again. You really were nothing to him…

He walked over to you quickly, dropping to his knees in front of you. “How can you still think that?” He scrunched his brows together as he shook his head.

You breathed deeply, trying to retain your courage. “What did you mean when you said you were mine?” Your voice shook. “I-I don’t understand…”

You saw something flash over his eyes as you felt his heartrate increase

Was he…nervous?

“Don’t ask me to explain it...” He exhaled loudly and stood to his feet. “I won’t.”

“Fine.” You glared at him as your heart began to close itself off. You jerked your head to the stairs. “Just go.”

He sighed.

“Kyber, don’t do this. You know why I can’t stay I—” His voice faded and his eyes widened as he realized his slip.

Your mouth dropped.

Kyber?

He’d called you by your name? Your callsign, your First Order, government name?

You raised your eyebrows in smug satisfaction. You didn’t even know he knew your callsign. You’d never heard him refer to you as anything other than a subordinate or an…object.

His face hardened immediately, but you smiled at him.

“What was that, Commander?”

He sucked on his teeth, holding back a smirk. “Fuck you…”

You narrowed your gaze. “I thought we weren’t doing that anymore.”

He shook his head. “We aren’t.”

You slid up the bed and climbed under the covers, still sulking as you watched him leave.

“I hope the training room is gross and cold and that you get the worst sleep of your life there.” You spat at him as he walked down the stairs.

He turned and paced back up the stairs quickly. He stormed over to your bedside and leaned over you, hovering his lips above yours.

Your heart leapt in your chest.

“I’ll sleep better tonight than I have all week…” He whispered against your lips. “…now that the last person you kissed was me…”

He pulled away from you and moved down the stairs again, not bothering to turn around as he spoke over his shoulder.

“Goodnight, Captain.”

You tried to think quickly.

“Don’t you mean, Kyber?” You shouted after him.

You heard him mumble to himself as he latched the mask around his face and opened the door.

“Goodnight, Kyber…”

****WELP. How we doing? Gimme those THOUGHTS y'all!


	17. Home

**TW**: NSFW!! Dom/sub energy, potential emotional manipulation, emotional distress, men are assholes, WOMEN are assholes, men with bad tempers, WOMEN with bad tempers, slightly more than very VERY problematic, guys kylo is actually kind of nice but not really, kylo makes us sad but also happy, we make kylo sad but also happy, this one is really heavy emotionally, I kind of cried writing this one again, why do I cry every time?, does he love us or is he a dick? maybe both, we don't know, WAIT DO WE KNOW?, we don't find out, OR DO WE?, we fight, there is yelling and cursing and gaslighting and really hot sexual tension that comes from fighting but is not healthy at all, marriage story but make it starwars and hot, abandonment issues, my therapist actually didn't mind this one, y/n is kind of trying to be a better person and figure out wtf she wants, kind of worse than the physical abuse idk, steer clear if you struggle with toxic relationships/ verbal altercations/fighting/sexual situations that come from fighting, he continues to fuck us up emotionally, but also do we fuck him up emotionally? maybe some alcohol abuse in this one idk, drinking to feel better idk, Y/N may think of dying for like one quick second, guys they really need to see a counselor, they really need help communicating, this one is hard mentally y'all, y/n will literally figure out who she loves, y/n doesn't know what love is, kylo doesn't know what love is, SOMEONE else does tho, love triangle is in full affect here, y/n is indecisive, but is she tho?, she may or may not use someone else to figure her shit out, probably some secondhand embarrassment here, this contains some of the cutest moments ever written, but then I'll rip your heart out sorry, but then I'll put it back together, we do get a satisfying kylo/y/n moment for once as they start to not be assholes, do y'all even read these fucking notes or am I wasting my time idk, love u anyways tho.......

****This one is super long (the longest yet) and kind of stressful emotionally, but I think it is probably the "happiest" one so far... to an extent lol. I would consider this a "filler" chapter to cover some important internal struggles that Y/N is having as she tries to understand her true feelings. We also get to see Kylo struggle with his own emotions instead of suppressing them for once. We also get to see their character development grow to foster some semi-healthy communication. The next few chapters I have planned are WILD...so enjoy this soft boi while you can<3 his walls will not be down forever.

***Twice in one week? SURPRISE! I'll be MIA for the rest of the week for airline recurrent training so I've been working hard to get the chapter up early! The next one may not be out for a couple weeks depending on how much I suck at flying after 6 months off...so enjoy this double softy boi week as my way of making it up to you it in advance! Also any good vibes are appreciate as I am stressed the heck out about work<3 

***As always, for the first few days after posting a chapter I do nothing but read comments and cry. So any feedback means the WORLD to me! Please continue to let me know how you feel as you go!

You'd forgotten what it felt like to wake up after being fucked by Kylo Ren.

Your body ached as you rolled out of bed. Wincing as you stood to your feet, the throbbing between your legs reminded you quickly of the night before.

You sighed as you moved into the refresher, rolling through your routine quickly as you got ready for another day in insolation. You changed clothes, noting the absence of blood in your underwear. Your period was ending.

At least one good thing had come from the week.

You weren't fucking pregnant.

You sulked down the stairs and turned the coffee pot on. As you sat at the island watching the coffee drip you let your mind drift to him.

You closed your eyes as you imagined his hands, his lips...his voice.

Did he think about you too?

You huffed and folded your arms, laying your head across them as you gazed at the brewing pot. Last night you'd wondered what you wanted from him. You were beginning to realize it.

You wanted him to think about you.

You wanted him to think about you like you thought about him. You wanted him to think about your eyes and your lips and your voice...the way you thought about his.

Maybe he was right...

This had to stop.

Physically, you felt great. Other than the aftermath of the night, your body felt almost normal again. But emotionally, you felt worse than you'd ever felt before. Your mental misery deepened with each passing day. You knew you needed to move on. He needed to let you move on.

Maybe that's why he'd left...

You were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of the door opening behind you.

Dr. Rivers walked in with MD-80 on her tail, pulling your breakfast behind him on a cart.

"Good morning, Captain." She chirped as she walked over to lean on the kitchen island beside you. "Might I say you look extra lovely this morning."

"Hey, Doc." You sighed and pulled your head out of your arms.

"Why so glum, Dear?" She smiled at you as she looked you over. "Today's the big day, aren't you excited?"

"Big day?" You furrowed your brows. "What are you talking about?"

"Well that figures..." She poked her lip out, suddenly annoyed. "He said he would tell you..." She rolled her eyes. "I cleared you for work. I told the Commander yesterday."

Your jaw dropped.

Fucking bastard. Why didn't he say anything?

Despite your irritation, you felt a rush of excitement.

You were getting out.

"When can I go?" You jumped off of the stool and looked at MD-80. "Do you have my datapad? Do I need to get a flight plan together? Does the squad know? Wait, am I training or flying first? Do I need to make a schedule?"

The droid started at you blankly as the questions spewed out.

"Never mind, it doesn't matter." You squealed. "Just tell me where to go and what to do. I'll go anywhere." You ran up the stairs, stopping halfway up them, giggling as you turned around to look at the doctor.

"Thank you." You smiled at her. "For everything..."

She smiled back.

"You're welcome..." She waved her hand, pushing you up the stairs from afar. "Chop chop...go get ready. I'll walk you out."

Your face fell only slightly. Get ready? What should you wear?

"MD, is it training or flying?" You looked at him frantically. "Did the Commander say anything about what I should do?"

The droid shook his head, still visibly confused by your sudden energy.

"Flying it is then." You beamed. You hadn't flown in weeks. You missed it so much your heart ached. "MD, can you send a message for me? Can you tell the hangar to prep the ships?"

"Yes, Mistress..." He nodded reluctantly.

"...and send a message to the squad. Tell them to suit up." You ran the rest of the way up the stairs and spun around at the top. You leaned over the banister and yelled out into the open space.

"BECAUSE I'M FUCKING BACK!"

Your voice echoed through the empty room. You looked over the luxurious prison cell and smiled. Fuck this place.

"I hope you don't mind me paraphrasing that last part, Mistress..." You heard MD mutter as he shuffled towards the door.

"Paraphrase all you want." You giggled over your shoulder as you ran into the closet. "Just send it. Tell them to meet me in the hangar ASAP."

In the closet, you looked over the racks of black clothing. You'd barely been in the closet since you'd moved in. You'd worn nothing but lounge clothes and items that lived inside of your dresser.

The closet was huge, nearly three times the size of the small one in your studio. All your items fit on one side easily, with plenty of room to spare. You avoided looking at the Commander's side. Just seeing his extra garments hanging in your peripherals threatened to tug you from your euphoric haze.

You pulled a flight suit down and changed into it quickly, throwing a squad jacket over it. You laced up your boots and ran into the refresher.

You brushed your hair and spilt it down the middle, braiding it into two braids and twirling them into buns on the top of your head. You pulled out some hair to frame your face. You smiled as you dug around in your bin under the vanity. MD-80 had brought your toiletries over with the rest of your things, but you had barely used anything inside of the bin since you'd arrived. You pulled out your makeup bag.

You didn't need the makeup, but you wanted it. This was your first time out of the room in nearly a week. Your first time seeing your friends in nearly two weeks.

The nerves hit you aggressively as you covered your face in a light layer of powder. What would they think? What would they say? Would they be angry with you?

Your heart clenched as you thought about Marco.

Fuck. What would you say to him? What would he say to you?

You felt a small amount of sadness creep into your heart the more you thought through the upcoming interaction. You felt yourself wonder for the first time why none of them had tried to contact you.

Was it because they didn't know where you were? Or was it because they didn't care?

Your sadness turned into anger as you dwelled on the thought. Your mind jumped to Avery. Your own brotherhadn't even tried to find you...

Had they all forgotten about you? Were you nothing to everyone now? You shook your head and silenced the snowballing thoughts. It didn't matter. You were getting out of the room regardless.

You were going to breathe fresh air again. You were going to fly again.

Nothing could ruin this day.

You admired yourself in the mirror. Your features looked sharper under the light layer of makeup. You smudged a small amount of dark eyeshadow over your eyelids, and added mascara, deepening your eyes. You finished the look by adding some blush and some tinted lip moisturizer. Your berry lips matched your cheeks as you put a little dab of blush on the tip of your nose, making it appear rosy and button-like.

You moved to look yourself over in the full body mirror at the back of the refresher. Your breathing slowed as you approached the space where he had moved inside of you. You looked at yourself in the reflection, but you thought about him.

You always thought about him.

Shaking your head, you turned to leave the small room. You zipped down the stairs as fast as you could, grabbing the doctor by the hand.

"Come on, let's get going." You tugged her along. "I don't want to spend another second in this place."

"Well, you certainly don't have too." She chuckled to herself as she followed you out. "But I have to say, I'll miss seeing you every day..."

"I'll miss you too." You gave her a soft smile as you walked together out of the quarters. As you began to move down the glass hallway, you felt her stop behind you.

"My Dear, may I speak candidly for a moment..." She paused. "...before we go our separate ways?"

You turned towards her and nodded, narrowing your gaze slightly at her tone.

"I've known Commander Ren for a long time..." She sighed. "He's a difficult man to understand. I'd be lying if I told you I knew more than a fraction of what lies underneath the surface of his hard exterior..." She shook her head. "But I think it's important that you know...I've never seen him like this."

You felt your face flush as you listened.

"By that I mean, I've never seen him with wounds I couldn't heal..." She gave you a sad smile. "He battles something deep inside of himself every time he looks at you."

Your heart rate accelerated quickly. "W-What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean..." She sighed again. "...because I think you're fighting the same battle. I see the same passionate struggle behind your eyes that I see behind his."

You felt breathless as she spoke. Was it that obvious? Was your burning soul so easily detected?

You felt your breathing begin to accelerate as you thought through her statement. You felt unwelcome tears populate in the corners of your eyes as your memory jumped to the night before.

He'd said he was yours. You suddenly felt like if that were true, you'd never need anything more.

"H-Has he said anything to you about me?" Your voice shook as you spoke. "About his...feelings towards me?"

She moved closer to the window, gazing out at the falling snow.

"I think we both know he's not one to discuss that sort of thing..." She chuckled slightly to herself. "But have you tried asking him, Dear? I know it may sound simple, but to assume someone's feelings, or lack thereof, without proper communication, will bring you nothing but pain."

You averted your eyes, embarrassed by her question. Your mind dragged you down instantly, reminding you of the week you'd spent alone.

"He wouldn't stay with me..." You felt a tear roll down your cheek. "Not even for one night..." You took a deep breath, trying to hold back your emotion. "I think that tells me everything I need to know..."

She noticed your sadness and turned around, extending her arms and offering you an embrace. You moved towards her and fell into her arms, allowing her to wrap you into a hug.

"Affection is tricky, Dear..." She gave you a squeeze. "It's similar to grief, in that we all experience it differently, at different times and in different stages. What you see as rejection, he may see as protection. What you see as abandonment, he may see as preservation. His life hasn't been easy, so naturally..." She brought her hand up to rub your back lightly. "...he won't love easily."

A volcano erupted inside of your heart. Heat and pain burned through you as you mulled over the word.

Love.

Was that what you wanted from him?

Your mind seized the opportunity and ran with it before you could stop it. Your imagination soared. It showed you a life where Kylo Ren loved you.

A life where you loved him.

You pictured yourself by his side, his hand locked in yours as you walked through the hallways of Starkiller. You pictured reading by the fire, snuggled close to him as you flipped through the pages of dull books together. You pictured your head on his chest, cuddled next to him every night in a bed that you shared, waking up beside of him instead of by yourself.

You pictured him making love to you, not just fucking you.

You pictured a home.

You trembled as your mind ran through the images. There was just one problem...

"I don't love him." You shook your head and took another deep breath as you pulled out of her arms.

She gazed down at you cryptically, giving you a coy smirk. "I never said you did, Dear..." She began her slow walk down the hallway again as you followed closely behind.

"I just want you to know that I'm here if you ever need to talk." She smiled. "You know where to find me."

You tried to return the smile, but your thoughts were elsewhere.

"Thank you, Doctor..." You whispered as you loitered at the end of the glass hallway. Your voice faded off as you watched her pass through the large black door. You could see the outline of two Knights guarding the outside.

"Y-You go on, I think I need a minute..."

"Of course..." She nodded to you as she exited the hall. "You want my advice?" She paused in the doorway one last time. "Talk to him, Captain."

She winked at you as she walked out of the door.

You felt your palms sweating as you mulled over her words. You should talk to him. You needed answers. You needed context. He at least owed you that much...

Were you his again? He'd called you pet. He'd called you baby...Your heart jumped as you remembered.

Had he meant it? Or had he simply been caught up in the moment? And if he did think you were his again...did you want to be?

Your head swam with relentless thoughts and questions. Rivers was right...

You needed to talk to him.

You exhaled loudly as you tried to clear your mind. You would talk to the Commander later. Right now it was time to focus, time to work. You had an entirely new set of obstacles awaiting you in the hangar. You couldn't concentrate on Kylo Ren and your job at the same time.

It would take all of your efforts to mend the relationships you had damaged and the lives you had nearly destroyed. Your team was still important to you. Your family was still important to you.

Kylo Ren and his bipolar infatuation would have to wait.

You gathered your wits and recentered your mind before you left the hallway. You breathed deeply and whispered affirmations to yourself. You were strong, powerful, and capable. You could do this.

You walked out of the hallway and through the black door, pausing to greet the Knights.

Ap'lek.

You grimaced...and Cardo.

"There she is!" Ap'lek's baritone voice echoed underneath his mask. "It's been too long, Kid." He looked you up and down. "How ya feeling?"

"Good as new." You smiled at him, still trying to calm your thoughts.

"I can see that..." His tone dropped slightly. "Fuck...you look good." He shook his head. "Too good for training. First day back and you're ditching me already?"

"Well..." You blushed slightly at his unexpected complement. "No one told me anything so...I thought I could go flying first. Can we train tonight instead?"

He let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Anything for you, Ma'am." He pretended to be annoyed and slapped Cardo on the shoulder. "We live to serve the Rens, am I right or am I right?"

The Rens? Your heart dropped into the floor. What the fuck did he mean by that?

Cardo grunted and shook his hand off, still actively ignoring you.

"Perfect." You gave Ap'lek an awkward wave and decided to let the Ren comment go. "I'll see you later then..." You started down the corridor, surprised to hear the sound of loud boots behind you.

You turned to see the Knights following you. You gave them a confused look.

"The Commander insisted." Ap'lek shrugged. "He said something about you not getting along with your old security team?" He snickered sarcastically. "Something about a fight to the death in the middle of the street? I don't remember..."

You rolled your eyes. "I didn't need security then, and I don't now." You spat at him. "Can't I just go alone?"

He shook his head.

"Fucking hell..." You fumed as you stormed down the hall. "I'm never going to blend in with you two following me around..."

"That's the point." You heard him snort behind you. "I don't think the Commander wants you to blend in."

You rolled your eyes again as you quickened your pace, attempting to add distance between yourself and the Knights. You walked quickly through the hallways, and staircases, feeling the sting of every single pair of eyes you passed.

Your nerves began building again as you realized how long you'd been out of the public eye. It had been nearly two weeks since that night at the bar, and now people were looking at you like they'd seen a ghost.

Wait...did they think you were...dead?

"Ap'lek..." You whispered behind you as you approached the main hallway that connected the hangars.

You felt him speed up his walk and lean over your shoulder. "What's up?"

"Do people on base think I'm...dead?" You spoke quietly over your shoulder.

You heard him huff under the mask. "About half of them I think, yeah."

Mother-fucking half?

You eyed the sea of faces as you moved into the opening of the large, glass enclosed hallway that lined the hangars. The surprise of the crowd was audible. You heard instant gasps and whispers as you appeared in the opening of the corridor.

You froze in place. You felt Ap'lek moved behind you.

"Steady on, Kid." He leaned over and whispered in your ear. "Fuck 'em."

You nodded, swallowing loudly. You took a deep breath and held your head high, straightening your body and walking out into the hallway boldly. You stared straight ahead as you stormed through the crowded walkway. The whispers around you wove together into an illegible blanket of disbelief.

You tried to sync your breathing with your steps as you approached the entrance to Hangar 4. You walked through the large opening and the Knights followed closely behind. Your ships were parked in their normal parking spots on the far side of the hangar. From afar, you saw the engineers scrambling to get the ships ready for departure. You whipped your head around the hangar.

The squad was nowhere to be seen.

You moved over to the custom, black TIEs. The lead engineer dropped his clipboard as he saw you approach. You briefly remembered the last conversation you'd had with him, the night you'd tried to run away...when you'd threatened to kill him...

You cringed to yourself slightly as your mind replayed the interaction.

"What's up?" You smiled at him, trying to act as casual as possible. "How are my ships?"

You could see the sweat pooling on his forehead as he noticed the Knights behind you. "A-Almost ready, Captain." He cleared his throat. "We're just missing the crews—"

The minute he spoke you heard a loud sound coming from the entrance of the hangar. It sounded like a stampede of rowdy people. A chaotic energy engulfed the space as you turned around quickly.

Your jaw dropped as you watched nearly every single pilot from your floor flood into the hangar. Your squad led the pack. You watched in surprise as they all broke out in random applause and cheers as they rushed towards you.

You pushed passed the Knights and ran towards the group, meeting them in the middle of the hangar. You met Avery's eyes first and darted towards him, throwing your arms around his neck.

He wrapped you into a tight hug. You felt his arms tremble around you as he held you tight. "You're such a fucking bitch..." You heard the shake in his voice. "I can't believe you did that. I can't believe you almost fucking left me like that."

Emotion tore through you at his tone. You pulled out of the embrace and stared into his tear-filled eyes.

"I'm sorry. I was stupid" You felt your own tears build. "A-And I'm sorry for what I said."

"I've already forgiven you..." He shook his head. "None of that matters now."

You smiled at him through your own emotion. "I'll remember that next time we fight..." You laughed lightly. "...all I have to do to win the argument is almost die."

He laughed with you and pulled you into another hug.

Thomas pushed his way through the crowd and wrapped his arms around both of you. He nuzzled into your arm.

"Listen, I know you're having a moment right now but...you know what has to happen..." He whispered into your neck before clearing his throat.

"GROUP HUG!" He shouted over his shoulder.

You giggled and nodded as the sea of black jackets washed over you, surrounding you from all sides. Muffled greetings and watery eyes spread over the mass of men as they took turns welcoming you back.

Darian pulled you into him and twirled you around like a dancer. You laughed as your heart filled with instant joy.

You'd forgotten what it felt like to be cared for, to be loved.

As you fake danced with Darian to the off-beat claps of your team, your joy was short lived. The claps of the squad slowly dissipated along with your own confidence as the sea of men parted slowly.

Another pilot had entered the hanger.

He walked through the group gradually, placing his hand on their shoulders as he made his way towards you. They moved for him, parting like a current around a rock. His presence silenced the clapping and the side conversations. The work in the hangar stopped as bystanders paused to watch the interaction. The entire base seemed to hold its breath as the man moved closer to you.

You turned to face him, your heart beat loudly and uselessly in your chest as you stared into his green eyes.

"You didn't call..." Marco smiled at you. "Not that you owed it to me or anything..." His expression softened underneath the thin layer of sarcasm. "...but I thought we had a nice time."

You covered your mouth as the tears you'd been holding back immediately rolled down your cheeks. You ran to him and wrapped your arms around his neck. He picked you up by your waist and twirled you around, pulling you into an embrace.

The group around you cheered obnoxiously. Whistles and claps resumed immediately as Marco pulled you into his chest.

You looked up at him and wiped underneath your eyes, trying to contain the damage done to your makeup.

"I-I'm sorry..." You breathed. "I must have lost your number."

"Damn, well that explains it then..."

You smiled at him before falling back into the embrace. "Marco...I'm..." You whispered into his chest, trying to find the words.

"Shh...you don't have to say anything." He rested his cheek on top of your head. "I won't if you don't." He pulled away from you gently. "I'm just happy I get to see you again..."

Your heart plummeted as you remembered the sound of his bones breaking. The way his limp body had fallen to the ground. You couldn't believe he was there, in your arms, speaking and walking and joking...

It was a miracle.

"Me too..." You wiped the remaining tears away.

You saw the squad move uncomfortably in the corners of your vision and you felt the energy of the hangar shift as you pulled away from Marco. You narrowed your eyes and turned around as soon as you felt his cold presence.

General Hux sauntered through the group of pilots, his stormtroopers following closing behind.

You nodded to him slowly. "Good morning, General..."

"You may dispense with the pleasantries, Captain." He snarled, his demeanor quickly icing over. "What I'd like to know is why you're disrupting my operations with your little...reunion." He motioned toward the group of pilots.

"My apologies..." You straightened your posture. "We will disband immediately." You looked over at your team and nodded, signaling them to head to the ships. They moved out in unison and walked towards the parked fleet.

"My my, you have them trained well, Little Duck..." He glared at you before snapping his head around to the remaining pilots.

"Anyone not on a current assignment who is still standing here by the time I finish this sentence will be permanently dismissed from the flight department." He growled.

As he spoke the men dispersed rapidly, moving quickly towards the exit of the hangar. A few of them winked or waved at you in transition.

You smirked slightly as you watched them leave.

"I don't care for this type of commotion, Ducky." He turned and walked towards you slowly, lowering his voice suggestively in the process. "Tell your Master that if he can't get you under control, that I will..."

Your face flushed as you glared at him. What was he inferring?

You took a guess and retaliated.

"Why don't you tell him yourself, General..." You whispered. "I'm sure he'd be very interested to know what kind of plans you have for me..." You narrowed your gaze. "Although, I think we both know he doesn't share well."

As you spoke, you felt the air around you move slightly as the Knights approached you, positioning themselves behind you. The stormtroopers behind the General shifted uncomfortably in their presence.

Hux flared his nostrils and leaned away. "You're in over your head with him, Captain." He smirked as he backed away. "Only time will tell you how much..."

He turned around briskly and barked over his shoulder. "Get those fucking ships in the air. I'm tired of looking at them..."

You watched as he stormed out of the hangar without another word. You turned around to the Knights and nodded, thanking them silently. You took a deep breath as you walked towards the ships.

The squad stood around the ship, waiting for your instruction. You saw them look at each other anxiously as they noticed the two Knights of Ren behind you. Marco took a step back in your peripherals as he looked over the large men, finally realizing whose they were. You turned and glanced at him.

You could feel his emotion, but you didn't need to. You could see it in his eyes.

Pain. Anger. Confusion.

He lowered his eyebrows as he looked at you. He shook his head slowly as he took in the information, trying to piece together what it could mean.

You averted your gaze, unable to meet his eyes any longer. You knew what this looked like. You knew what he was thinking.

You pushed down the emotion that pounded in your head, re-centering your attention to the men in front of you and the training that had to be done.

You had a lot to catch up on.

"Alright, boys. Vacation is over" You cleared your throat. "Let's get to work."

_________________________________

You flew all day long, alternating in and out of different ships, running maneuvers with your pilots and trying to get them back up to speed from the time off. It had been a long but rewarding day.

You even had time to take your ship out alone and run the profile yourself. You decided to be your own last flight of the day.

It felt good to be in your element again. When you were in the air, nothing else mattered. You left all your problems on the ground as you zoomed over Starkiller base, practicing the Commander's maneuvers. You smiled as you moved through the sky.

This was what you were born to do. You felt useful, important. Like your life had purpose. Like everything that had happened to you, had happened for a reason. Like everything that had happened to you, had brought you here, to this very moment, flying near the speed of sound over the icy treetops.

The sun was beginning to set over the base, triggering the clouds to shine like pink and orange cotton balls. You buzzed through them, pushing them aside like fluffy pillows as you climbed through the atmosphere.

You closed your eyes and reached out. You felt everything from the surface and beyond. The chill of the air seeped through the microscopic cracks in the fuselage of the TIE, feeding your senses and sharpening your mind.

You felt the power run through you.

It felt stronger when you were behind the controls of the ship, just like it had before you even knew what it was. It burned inside of you and radiated outwards, flowing out of your ship and into the air around it. You imagined it as invisible ribbons, curving away from you and falling over the base, touching the minds and feelings of the inhabitants. Thousands of souls populated Starkiller, and you suddenly felt every single one of them.

One in particular.

You inhaled sharply as you felt the energy of the Commander. Even from here, you could reach him. Why was he so embedded in your mind? Why did the Force connect you to him?

You wanted to test the connection. You put your nerves aside and reached out, pushing into his mind gently. You felt him notice you. His emotion moved through you in response. He was surprised.

You smiled and pressed harder, wanting to communicate with him.

"Good evening, Commander." You pushed the words into his mind.

No response.

You rolled your eyes and pushed again. "I said...good evening, Commander."

Suddenly, you felt him push back. You felt him as if he were sitting behind you. You felt as though if you turned around, you would see him.

"I'm working, Captain."

You heard his deep voice in your head, it echoed through your mind like it was coming through a long tunnel.

You gasped and let go of the flight controls. The ship dove down towards the tree tops immediately. You reacted quickly and clutched the controls again, pulling the ship up sharply. You climbed away from the terrain, gaining altitude intentionally.

"Me too." You whispered out loud as you tried to suppress a giggle. "How'd you sleep?"

You waited for a response, but nothing came. You still felt him around you. Why wasn't he responding? You pouted in your seat.

"Commander, hellllllllllllooooo?" You reached out again. "How was the training room couch? Was it extra lumpy?"

You smirked in your seat as you felt his irritation grow.

"I'm working, Pet." He snapped at you in your head.

Pet? Your heart skipped.

You turned your head around in the ship. You couldn't see him. Maybe if you pushed harder, you could. You wondered briefly if he could see you. His power was stronger than yours, his energy more capable and dominant. You felt almost certain he could see you.

"Look what I can do..."

You reached out again as you set up for a spinning dive, one of the maneuvers the Commander had taught you. You whipped the ship around expertly, diving to the surface of the planet, reengaging and disengaging your targeting systems in the process, just like he'd shown you.

You smiled as you rolled out of the dive. You were proud of it. Would he be? You could still feel him, but he didn't speak.

"Did you see that?" You pushed.

No response. You felt yourself growing tired as you tried to maintain the connection. Sadness crept into your heart as you waited.

"You still need more rudder." His response finally came.

"Fuck the rudder..." You rolled your eyes as you spoke out loud. "...and you never answered my question."

"And I won't..." You could feel his frustration building. "I'm working."

You smiled at the sound of his voice in your mind, but your joy dissipated slightly as you remembered what Dr. Rivers had said that morning. Your heart skipped lightly as you remembered the conversation that had to happen.

"Kylo..." You reached out. "Will I see you tonight?" You felt your nerves grow. You knew he could feel them too. "I need to talk to you about something...something important."

You felt his energy move with yours. Did he already know what you wanted to discuss? You sat patiently as you waited for him to make up his mind. He reached out and spoke one more time, pushing you out of his mind as the sentence rebounded in your head.

"I'll see you at home."

You felt your pulse quicken. Home?

You reached out again, but the connection was broken. He had shut you out.

You huffed in your seat as you flew back to the hangar, your mind now focused on the coming conversation as you floated into the wide room.

The Knights had been waiting on you by the entrance of the hangar. You noticed Ap'lek and Cardo were gone, replaced by two different Knights. You assumed they had switched shifts. The one with the scythe you recognized, the other you didn't. As they watched you land the ship, they began to walk towards you. You parked the TIE in the open space and hopped out quickly.

To your surprise, and immediate dismay, you saw someone else waiting for you, propped up against their own ship.

Marco.

You raised your eyebrows in confusion as you moved towards him. Your anxiety immediately multiplied as you met his green eyes. "What's up?" You whispered, cutting your gaze over to the approaching Knights.

"We need to talk." He sucked on his teeth nervously.

"I know I said I wouldn't say anything if you didn't but..." You could feel his tension. "...then I saw his Knights." He shook his head. "Now I have to know..." He took a deep breath as he continued. "Kyber, are you still...with him?"

It felt like the air had been knocked out of your lungs as his question reverberated over you. You glanced sideways at the Knights as they loitered a few yards away.

"Can you guys give me some space?" You felt your irritation build as you turned to them. "Please..." You added.

The one you remembered as Vicrul looked Marco up and down, his huge mask moved slowly as he contemplated your request. After a few moments, he turned to the other Knight and nodded. They moved back significantly, standing on the other side of the ships. They were out of your line of sight, but you were certain they could still get to you within seconds if they wanted to.

"Marco I..." You turned towards him and prepared the statement you'd been working on in your head. "I-I'm sorry about what happened. I should have told you I was involved with the Commander. I should have been honest with you and I shouldn't have gone to your room that night without telling you abou—"

"I'm not here for an apology." He shook his head, cutting you off. "You don't owe me a sexual history. I certainly didn't give you one..."

He sighed and ran his hand through his waves, trying to calm his nerves. "Kyber, I'm a grown fucking man. I made a choice that night to take you out regardless of the rumors..." He sighed as he looked at his hands. "...and I made the choice to engage the Commander."

You felt tears build as you listened to his words.

"And I don't regret what happened..." He shook his head. "I'd do it all over again, exactly the same way..." He reached out to grab your hand but stopped suddenly, dropping his arm back to his side.

"I've spent the last two weeks thinking about you. You live in my thoughts like you're a fucking part of me..." He moved his hand through his hair again. "I don't need an apology from you. But what I do need...is the truth." He breathed deeply. "I need to know if you're still with him."

His emotion was nearly palpable as he looked into your eyes.

"Because..." He hesitated, visibly nervous. "...because I'm in love with you." You saw his eyes water slightly as he admitted it. "...and I need to know if your heart is already spoken for."

Your mouth went dry as you registered his sentence. Your heart rate elevated dramatically as adrenaline rushed through your body.

Marco...loved you?

"I-I don't know what to say..." You shook your head as you struggled to breathe normally.

"Just tell me the truth, Babe." He looked into your eyes earnestly. "I won't be angry. I just have to know."

You felt the tears break over your cheeks. "I don't know what to tell you..."

"Are you still with him?"

"Kind of..." You nodded, looking at the ground. "B-But...I'm not sure what it means."

"Do you love him?"

The directness of his question nearly knocked you to the ground. You weren't ready for this. You hadn't prepared for this. Your mind ran at supersonic speed as you tried to work through your emotions.

"I-I don't know..." You fought against the adrenaline as the tears rolled down your face. Seeing your sadness, he held out his hand for you. You moved closer to him and took it. "I-I've never been in love before, I don't know what it's like..."

He smiled at you lightly and pulled you closer to him. He moved his hand in yours.

"Me either..." He whispered. "But I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I can't get you out of my fucking head, Kyber." He breathed. "Everything comes back to you. Everything I see, everything I hear, everything I do...you're always there." He laughed slightly. "You're fucking persistent."

Your heart beat rapidly as you looked into his eyes.

"I don't expect you to love me back..." He shook his head. "I just needed you to know." He traced over your palm lightly. "I'm done living my life like I have unlimited opportunities. I'm done not fighting for what I believe in..." He looked down, letting his eyes trail over you. "...for what I want."

He dropped your hand lightly. "I just need to know..." He shifted uncomfortably as he met your eyes again. "...what do you want, Babe?"

You gaped at him, still trying to wrap your head around what he was saying, around what you were feeling.

You heart ached knowing that you had hurt him. It ached knowing that he thought about you so much. It ached knowing that you tormented his mind and his heart.

You couldn't deny that you cared for him. He was a huge part of your life. You couldn't imagine a life without him. You couldn't deny that his face made your heart flutter and his words filled you a warm feeling.

But was it love? Or friendship?

"I-I'm sorry." You shook your head and brought your hand up to wipe your tears. "Could I have some time? To think about it?"

He smiled at you. A soft, beautiful, genuine smile.

"Of course." He grabbed your hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing the top of it gently. "I'm not going anywhere..."

You sighed at the feeling of his lips on your skin. Your mind instantly brought you back to the moments in his room. You remembered the way he had joked with you, the way he had mended your spirit, the way he had touched you softly, the way he had made you feel special and beautiful and important.

His eyes sparkled as he registered your sigh. He dropped your hand gently and moved around you, walking away slowly. He made it to the end of the row of TIEs and turned around one last time.

"Welcome back, Captain." He winked at you as he disappeared behind the ships. "I'll see you tomorrow..."

You moved to peek around the ship and watched him walk out of the hangar. Your heart pounded aggressively in your chest as you leaned back against the cold metal, sinking down to the floor. You put you head in your hands as you tried to calm your thoughts.

What had just happened?

You knew that seeing Marco again would inevitably bring uncomfortable conversations and conflict, but you didn't expect for him to tell you that he loved you.

He said that he couldn't get you out of his head, that you lived in his mind. That you were persistent. That everything came back to you...

You sighed as you realized you recognized the concept. You tormented his mind, like the Commander tormented yours.

Did that mean that you...

You stopped the train of thought immediately. You couldn't do this right now. You weren't thinking straight. It had been a long day and you were just tired. You needed a break and maybe a glass of water...or somethingstronger.

You palms began to sweat as you stood to your feet again. You made your way over to the Knights.

"Let's go." You nodded to them. "I'm ready now."

You held your head high as you walked out of the hangar and into the hallway. You ignored the glances and whispers from passing employees, your thoughts still focused on the conversation you'd just had.

You walked in somber silence as you made your way to the Commander's quarters. Ap'lek was waiting for you outside of the black door, leaning against the wall with his mask in his hands.

"About fucking time!" His eyes lit up as he saw you approach. "Damn, I thought you ditched me again."

Fuck. Training. You'd completely forgotten.

"I'm sorry..." You rubbed your eyes. "It's been a long day and I totally forgot..." You looked yourself up and down. "Let me go change and I'll be right out..."

"I'm just fucking with you. I haven't been waiting long." He looked at you curiously. "We can just hit it extra hard tomorrow if you want the night off. There's no need to push yourself. I'm in no hurry."

You smiled at him lightly. You were tired. It had been a long day and you already felt the effects of it weighing down on your barely recovered body. It didn't help that something deep inside of you told you that the day was far from over...

"Give me half an hour or so and let me come to you, how's that?" You shrugged. "I'll send word if I change my mind."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Sounds like a plan, boss..." He pushed himself off of the wall and started down the corridor shoving Vicrul playfully in the progress. "You know where to find me." He shouted over his shoulder as he disappeared around the corner.

You sighed and turned around, walking through the black door. You peeked over your shoulder to see Vicrul and the unnamed Knight take their positions outside of the door before it slid shut behind you. As you turned to move down the glass hall, you nearly smacked into MD-80.

"Gods..." You breathed. "Dude, you have got to work on that..."

"Sorry, Mistress." He chirped. "I was just dropping off your dinner." He nodded as he moved around you. "Please let me know if there is anything else I can do..."

"Thanks, MD..." You nodded as you scooted around him. You moved down the hall but paused suddenly. "Wait..." You spun around. "There is something I want..."

He turned to look at you. "Yes?"

"Alcohol." You smiled at him. "Literally anything you can find. Can you do that?"

He tilted his head in confusion. "Is the cabinet empty, Ma'am?"

You raised your eyebrows. "What cabinet?"

He turned around and hobbled towards you, waving his hand. He led you down the hallway and into the Commander's room.

The quarters were empty as usual.

You followed the droid to the back of the room, over to the Commander's desk. Anxiety filled your mind instantly as you looked at the cold surface. His desk was one of the only places in the room you hadn't gotten the courage to explore.

MD-80 waved you behind the desk and pointed at a small cabinet below the side drawer.

You moved behind the desk and opened the cabinet. A smirk spread over your lips as you stared at the contents.

Alcohol. A lot of alcohol. The Commander's stash held an assortment of liquor and wine, along with a small stack of glasses.

"You mean to tell me..." You shook your head at the droid. "That this shit has been here the whole time?"

MD-80 just shrugged and wobbled to the exit. "Will you be requiring anything else, Mistress?"

"Yes..." You nodded, still staring at the contents of the cabinet. "Tell Ap'lek I'll just see him in the morning."

________________________________

The bubbles came up to your chin as you sat in the gigantic bathtub. You swirled the wine around in your glass as you kicked the bar of soap on the bottom of the tub, squishing it with your toes as it slid around over the porcelain base.

You downed the last of the contents in the glass and reached for the bottle on floor. You poured yourself another glass. This would only be your second, but you felt the bottle growing lighter in your hand.

You pouted. You knew you should've brought two bottles up with you...

You sat the glass on the side of the tub and moved the bubbles around with your hands, building a small tower in the middle of the water as you let your mind drift to the day.

You thought about what Dr. Rivers had said.

"He won't love easily."

You rolled your shoulders, trying to ease the tension from them. You wondered if the Commander had ever loved anyone. You couldn't imagine he had.

But you were no one to talk...you'd never been in love. You had no clue what it should be like. What it should feel like.

Apparently, Marco knew...

You sighed reached for your glass, taking a sip of the wine and setting it back on the side of the tub.

You didn't know what love was, but you felt like you should have felt something more when he said it to you. Sure, you cared for him. And yes, you'd fucked him. But did you love him?

You knew the feelings you had for him were real and significant, but you didn't think it was love, at least not yet. Could you grow to love him back? Surely with some effort you could feel the same way about him that he felt about you.

But was that what you wanted?

He said he thought about you constantly. The only person you thought about constantly was...

Your chest clenched as your mind moved to Kylo Ren. You felt your heart rate increase as you finally let your thoughts dwell on him.

His voice, his body, his energy...

How could you still think about him after everything he'd done to you? How could someone so cruel and manipulative drive you so fucking crazy? He infuriated you. He absolutely tormented you.

So why did you feel like anyone other than him would never be enough?

You glared at the bubbles as you rolled your neck again.

This was stressing you the fuck out.

You looked into the soapy water and imagined sinking beneath it, slipping away from the world forever. As you contemplated dunking your head under the water until you passed out, you heard a sound from outside of the door. You snapped your head in the direction of the movement.

Commander Ren stood in the doorway of the refresher.

Your heart leapt in your chest. You hadn't expected him back so soon. To be honest, you hadn't expected him to show. You'd half expected him to not come home at all.

You scoffed internally. Home. Is that what you were calling this place now?

You rolled your shoulders as you watched him move closer. His dark eyes looked at you curiously as he unclipped his cape and threw it over the vanity. The now familiar emotion filtered across his expression as he bent over and unlaced his boots, pulling them off and tossing them to the side along with his socks and belt.

Your mouth went dry as you watched him move slowly in front of you.

He kept his eyes locked on yours as he unzipped his tunic. He pulled it off along with his long-sleeved undershirt and threw them on the floor. You breathed deeply as you gazed at his bare chest.

What the fuck was he doing? Of course you knew what he was doing...but what was he doing? You brought your hand up to the back of your neck and rubbed it nervously as the existing tension grew rapidly.

He brought his hands down to his pants and unzipped them slowly, tugging them down to the floor and stepping out of them deliberately. He took another step forward before latching his thumbs in his boxers and sliding them down.

You inhaled sharply, your eyes widening as you took him in.

He didn't speak as he stepped into the opposite side of the tub, sliding down under the bubbles slowly. You stared at him silently as he sat across from you. His intense gaze bore into you as he brough a hand up from the water. He twitched his middle and index fingers at you.

"Come..." He pointed to the glass of wine. "...and bring that with you."

Your hands shook as you picked up the glass. You moved closer to him slowly, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest. You floated nearer, stopping a few inches away from him.

"Turn around." He whispered, his tone softer now yet sill intense.

You swallowed loudly as you turned around, moving your back to towards him. You felt him move his hands under the water and wrap them around your waist, pulling you back softly to sit against him.

You gasped at the contact but didn't fight it as you leaned back. You felt him bring his hands out of the water. He placed them on your shoulders and began to add pressure, dragging his fingers over your muscles methodically. You sighed as he massaged your neck, his hands somehow rough and gentle at the same time.

After a moment, he extended one hand and held it out over your shoulder, pointing at the glass in your hand. You stared at it for a moment before you understood.

You passed the wine glass to him. He took a sip of it and gave it back to you, bringing his hand back to your shoulder.

"So..." He whispered in your ear as he began to massage your neck again. "You wanted to talk to me?"

You inhaled nervously.

"Yes..." You brought the wine to your own lips and took a shaky sip before continuing. "I...I've been wondering, Commander..." You closed your eyes as you tried to gather your thoughts. "What you meant last night when you said you were 'mine'..."

You felt him tense slightly behind you as he held out his hand again. You passed the glass back. He took another sip and handed it back to you, continuing to roll his fingers over your neck.

"I'm yours like you're mine..." He finally spoke, his words calculated. "If you still want to be mine..."

"Your...pet?" You whispered. "Is that what you mean?"

You felt him nod behind you.

Your heart fell slightly. What had you been expecting? You didn't know for sure...but for some reason you thought maybe he'd meant...

You deflected the thoughts quickly and spoke without thinking.

"Kylo, do you think about me?" You whispered.

"What do you mean?" You heard his voice harden slightly.

"Do you think about me?" Your voice shook faintly. "Like during the day or...or when you're alone?" You felt panic grow as you tried to sustain your courage.

"Fuck...don't do this." His hands dropped from your shoulders. "Don't make this difficult."

You turned around in the water to face him.

"How is that a difficult question?" You scrunched your face. "It's a simple yes or no, Commander."

He held out his hand. You passed him the glass again and watched as he tossed back the rest of the contents in one large gulp.

He pushed passed you in the water and grabbed the bottle of wine off the floor. He filled the glass again and took another large sip before passing it back to you.

"Yes." He sighed. "Yes, I fucking think about you."

You smiled slightly as you took a sip from the newly filled glass.

"I think about you too."

You saw his eyes glisten slightly as he moved in front of you. "I know."

You handed him the glass of wine without him asking. "Why didn't you stay with me last night?"

He lowered his eyes momentarily as he took a drink from the glass. "Because I didn't want to..."

"Liar." You shook your head. "You're a fucking liar." The wine was starting to get to you. "I know you wanted to stay with me. So why didn't you?"

"Watch your mouth, Pet." He snapped as he brought his eyes back to yours. "I told you why."

"No, you didn't." You scrunched your face again. "You didn't tell me anything..."

"Well I'm telling you now." He shrugged. "I didn't fucking want to."

You felt your frustration grow. You weren't backing down from this. You knew you were right. You had felt it.

"Yes, you did." You snapped.

"No, I didn't."

"Yessssss" You dragged it out. "...you did."

"Goddamnit..." He groaned. "No, I didn't."

"Yes..." You moved your hand through the water, splashing him. "...you did." You laughed as the water drenched his hair.

"What..." He moved his hands through his wet hair and wiped the water from his face, staring at you in disbelief. "...the fuck was that?"

"Payback." You giggled manically, the buzz from the wine filled you with unexpected serotonin. "That's what you get for lying to me."

"Oh, Little Girl..." He pressed his tongue to the side of his mouth and shook his head. "You're going to regret that..."

As he spoke, he flicked the contents of the glass towards you, throwing the wine in your direction. You squealed and tried to dodge the red liquid, but the attempt was in vain. It hit you directly on the side of your face, rolling down your hair onto your face and neck.

"Motherfucker!" You shouted at him. "Why can't you just retaliate like a normal person?" You couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped through your lips as you tried to glare at him.

He smirked at you. You narrowed your eyes as you moved closer to him.

"You know..." You tried your best to put on a sultry tone below the snicker as the wine ran down your face. "I really missed you today, Commander." You spat the name sarcastically. "Why don't you come kiss me?"

He laughed.

You raised your eyebrows as you registered it. It was the first time you'd ever heard him laugh.

"Come on, what are you afraid of?" You smiled as you moved closer to him. "It's not that sticky..."

"No, Pet..." He slid away from you. "Stay away from me." He laughed again. "I'm serious."

"Pleassssse..." You bat your eyelashes dramatically. You moved towards him slowly, refocusing your energy as you lowered your tone seductively.

"...Daddy."

You watched his expression change instantly. The playful smirk disappeared. "Get the fuck over here." He demanded, his voice suddenly intense.

You giggled as you floated towards him gradually. He shook his head as he reached out and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you over to him swiftly.

You wrapped your legs around his torso as you sat on top of him, straddling him in the water. You pressed against his erection as you brought your lips down to his, kissing him slowly and gently. The wine from your face dripped down your lips gradually, mixing with his saliva as he pushed his tongue against yours. He pulled his lips away and kissed up your cheek and over your face, licking the red wine from your skin.

You laughed as his lips tickled your face lightly. "Do you think you got it all?"

"I hope not..." He whispered.

He worked his lips down your jawline towards your neck. You shifted as you felt his cock pulse against the inside of your thigh. He lifted you a few inches out of the water as he kissed down your throat.

His lips felt electric as they buzzed over your skin, igniting sparks inside of you like a set of exposed cables. The sparks ignited the timber in your heart, sending charged waves through your body that felt as natural as the blood that flowed through your veins.

In this moment, nothing existed. Only him. Only you. Only the wine-soaked kisses that he trailed down your chest. Only the loud rhythm of his heart as it beat with yours.

He brought his lips back up to yours and kissed them lightly. Barely touching his mouth to yours as he moved his hand up your torso, stopping underneath the curvature of your breast. You breathed together as he moved his finger over your nipple, rotating around it until it hardened under his touch.

You sighed into his ear. "I thought..." Your voice trailed slightly as your desire for him grew. "...you said this couldn't happen again..."

"I know what I said..." He breathed against your mouth. "...but I can't fucking stay away from you." He kissed you lightly in between sentences. "I can't be without you anymore..."

You pulled away from him slightly and looked into his hazel eyes. Your heart clenched violently as a powerful and all-consuming emotion tore through you. Forbidden words loitered on the tip of your tongue, sending anxiety through you as you fought intentionally to suppress them.

No...no no no no no. What did you almost just say?

Panic washed into your mind as you backed away from the Commander. You moved to the opposite end of the tub. You saw his expression shift as he reached out to you, feeling your emotion.

"K-Kylo, what are we doing here?" Your voice shook as you stared at him over the bubbles. "W-What the fuck does that mean?"

"What does it mean? It means I can't fucking be without you." He narrowed his gaze. "That's what I said, wasn't it? What do you mean, 'what do I mean'?"

Tears welled up in your eyes. The sentiment you felt tearing through your heart was nearly too much to bear. You'd never felt like this before. It almost...hurt. You trembled as you registered the sensation. You felt sick to your stomach as you tried to work through the emotion.

"Kylo...I—" Your hands shook as your brain struggled to prepare the sentence. "I think that I—"

His expression hardened slightly. He cut you off with his movement as he turned to get out of the tub. He stood to his feet and grabbed the towel off of the rack, wrapping it around his waist.

"Stop." He snapped at you, cutting you off. His soft demeanor was gone. "Don't say anything else." He moved towards the door. "This...this is exactly why this needs to stop. Can't you fucking see that?"

You stood to your feet and jumped out of the tub after him, dripping water across the marble floor. He sighed and opened the linen closet beside him, tossing you a towel from inside.

"I don't need a towel I need..." You snatched it out of the air anyway. "...I need fucking answers." You snapped. "Do you want me, or not?"

You saw his face fall slightly. "I want you."

You rolled your eyes and pushed passed him, storming out onto the loft. You opened your dresser and fished out a pair of black underwear. You opened a random drawer and pulled out a long sleeve, oversized black shirt. You slipped it on and immediately regretted it.

It was his shirt.

The one he'd given you the night you'd tried to run away. It must have still been mixed in with your things...

You sighed loudly and moved back into the refresher, pushing by him again and snatching the wine bottle off of the floor. You pivoted back towards him.

"You want me alright..." You took a sip directly out of the bottle. "You want me as a fucking slave. As a fucking...object."

You shook your head as you walked back into the bedroom. He stormed out after you.

"What do you want from me, Kyber?" He spat. "Do you want me to be your fucking boyfriend? Is that what you want?"

Was that what you wanted?

You sat on the edge of the bed and took another drink from the bottle. You extended your hand out and offered it to him. He sighed and walked over to you, grabbing it out of your hand reluctantly. He walked over to his own dresser and set the bottle on top as he pulled a pair of sweatpants out of the bottom drawer. He slipped them on quickly, taking a swig of the bottle before walking back over to you.

"I don't need a boyfriend..." You whispered, still fighting back the tears. "I-I need...you."

He moved to sit on the floor in front of you, passing the bottle back to you in the process. "I need you too..." He admitted quietly. He didn't speak, but you could feel his emotion, you could feel his sadness and his conflict.

Suddenly, you felt the overwhelming desire to comfort him. You set the wine on the floor and brought your hands down to his bare shoulders, running your fingers over his muscles like he had done for you.

"I liked it better when you hated me..." He sighed as leaned back into you. He wrapped his arms around your legs.

"Oh, don't misunderstand, Commander..." You smiled slightly. "I do hate you."

You added pressure to the back of his neck. His muscles were hard and tense, like the weight of the galaxy rested on them. After a few moments he rotated on the floor to face you, running his large hands up your calf muscles as he moved to sit on his knees in front of you.

"You're relentless..." He shook his head as he looked into your eyes. "Why can't you leave me alone for one fucking day?" He sighed as he brought his lips down to your knee. He kissed it gently, slowly moving up your thigh.

You closed your eyes and sighed, his lips reengaging the closed circuits inside of you. He bit your thigh lightly as he pulled his mouth away. You shook your head as you opened your eyes again. "And I'm relentless?"

He shrugged as he stood to his feet. He walked into the closet silently. You could hear the sound of clothes being pulled from the rack.

He was leaving again. You knew he was before he even walked out in the fresh uniform.

"Why?" You felt the tears roll over your cheeks as you watched him walk into the refresher and slip on his boots. "Why won't you stay with me?"

He sighed as he walked about out into the bedroom.

"I told you..." He paused. "I don't want too."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because...why?"

You could feel his anger build as you pushed him.

"Because..." He sighed angrily. "...because it's too fucking hard."

"Hard?" You felt your heart flip over. "To sleep beside me?" You felt your own frustration grow. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"I don't expect you to understand..." He mumbled as he paced towards the stairs. "But if you want me to stay, fucking say so."

You fell silent as he turned towards you. You didn't want to ask him to stay. You shouldn't have to ask him. If he wanted you like he said he did. If he needed you like he said he did...then you shouldn't have to force his hand.

Marco would've stayed with you...

Your mind jumped there before you could stop it. You felt your face flush as your head snapped up to meet the Commander's eyes.

You saw rage flash over his face as he stepped towards you.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"I didn't say anything..." You felt your mouth go dry. Initial fear quickly turned into anger again as you registered his arrogance. "...but it's true."

You saw his fists clench as he struggled to control his temper. You breathed deeply as you decided to be honest with him about the conversation you'd had with Marco. He would find out anyway, at least this way you could control the time and place.

"He loves me." You whispered. "He told me today."

You felt his reaction before you saw it. The impact of his emotion rolled through you stronger than you'd ever thought possible. You gasped as his sadness and rage flowed through your body.

His eyes darkened as he turned to grip the banister of the loft. You could see his chest moving rapidly as he worked through the violent emotion.

You didn't speak but you relived the moment in your memory, knowing he could see it. You flinched slightly as it got to the part where Marco had asked if you loved the Commander.

You were suddenly thankful you'd answered so vaguely.

He breathed deeply as he looked out over the quarters, watching your memory unfold. You felt another emotion move though his mind.

Regret.

Regret? What could he possibly regret that had to do with Marco? Maybe he regretted nearly killing him?

From the rage you felt spiraling out of him, you doubted that was it.

Maybe he regretted the fact that he had been unsuccessful?

He turned towards you, his eyes were wild and full of raw emotion. "You don't have any fucking idea what you're talking about." His lip twitched as he snarled at you. "That man is nothing."

"He's not nothing."

"He is to me."

"Well at least he knows how to communicate!" You glared at him. "At least he knows what he fucking wants."

"And do you?" He spat. "...because it seems like you're just as fucking clueless." He shook his head. "You don't want to be a Captain, you don't want to be a pet, you don't to be an apprentice..." He scoffed as he said the last part sarcastically. "You don't want to a girlfriend."

He met your eyes as he backed away from you. "You don't want to be anything other than a pain in the ass."

You felt yourself snap under his words. Was this was all he was fucking good for? Making you feel like shit? You hadn't meant to provoke him. All you wanted was for him to admit he cared for you. All you wanted was for him to stay with you...

He sighed as he stormed towards the stairs.

"If you want someone to sleep beside of you..." He waved his hand through the air. His cape came flying out of the refresher and wrapped itself around his shoulders. "...then go fucking get him."

He moved down the stairs at an alarming rate.

"Kylo, wait I--" You called after him, but it was too late. You heard him stomp out of the door loudly.

You sat in shock as you fought to contain your own rage. He wanted you to go to Marco? To sleep beside him? Was he fucking insane?

And why did you feel bad? You hadn't done anything wrong. You'd only told him the truth. Had you kept it from him, he would have be even angrier.

Why was it your fault that he couldn't communicate his feelings? Why were you responsible for his emotional shortcomings? It wasn't your fault that another man knew how to express himself. It wasn't your fault that another man knew how to purse what he wanted.

You stood to your feet and paced along the banister of the loft, looking over the quarters and out through the glass.

The night sky looked back at you silently, daring you to reach out into it. You sank down to the floor as you felt exhaustion creep over your body.

Physical exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion.

Your heart ached with the burden of the unfamiliar emotion. You burned inside for a man who persecuted your very soul. A man who threatened your very existence. Why was he so intent on pushing you away?

You knew he had to care about you, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten so upset to learn that Marco loved you. You had felt his emotion, you had seen it written on his face. Why did he hide it from you?

Why did you hide yours from him? Your subconscious lashed out.

You sighed as you stood to your feet. You looked at the large white bed and shook your head as you turned the lights off. You crawled under the covers and tried to push the thoughts out of your mind.

_____________________________

You stared at the ceiling as the long minutes ticked by into hours. The deafening silence washed over you as you tossed and turned. The thoughts hammered against the brick wall you'd secured to keep them out. The night crept by slowly and ruthlessly.

Fuck this. 

You weren't sleeping alone again.

The Commander had said that if you wanted someone to sleep beside of you, then you should go get them. Right? He had said that. Not you.

So he couldn't be mad at you for doing what he told you to do.

You smirked as a plan formed in your mind. You flipped on the light and climbed out of bed, moving over to the dresser. You slipped on a pair of leggings and picked up the old, nearly empty, bottle of wine and chugged the rest.

You needed the courage. You told yourself.

You ran into the closet and packed a small bag. Underwear, clothes for the next day, a sweater, socks...

You shoved the random clothes into a duffle bag and laced up a pair of black tennis shoes you'd never worn before. You pulled your still semi-wet hair back into a ponytail and darted towards the door.

You dashed down the glass hallway and out the large black door.

You didn't recognize the two new Knights on guard duty. They looked at each other intently as you ran past them. You turned and shouted over your shoulder.

"Come if you want, I don't care."

You smiled to yourself as you rushed through the hallways, trying to move quickly so you wouldn't change your mind. It was late in the night, so corridors and lifts were relatively empty, making your journey go by quickly.

You stopped in front of your destination and leaned over your knees, breathing heavily as you tried to catch your breath.

You opened your eyes as you straightened up, adjusting the duffle bag over your shoulder and smoothing out the oversized shirt. You ran your fingers over your ponytail, tucking away the flyaway hairs. You fought down the urge to laugh at yourself. You probably looked absolutely insane.

But you didn't think he would mind.

You gathered your courage again and knocked on the door...

...of the training room.

You waited outside anxiously. No answer. You leaned in and pressed your ear against the door. Nothing. You closed your eyes and reached out, just like you'd done earlier that day. You felt his presence immediately. You tried to push against his mind, but he didn't let you in.

Fuck it.

You weren't turning back now. You pressed lightly on the door to the room, expecting it to be locked, but it wasn't. You peeked inside and saw nothing but darkness. Inhaling deeply, you moved into the black room and pulled the door shut quietly behind you.

The darkness of the windowless space was nearly impossible to navigate. You tried to think back to what you remembered about the layout of the room. The large training mat should be in the center, the gym to the right, and the kitchen and living area to the left.

You moved to the left slowly with your arms outstretched, searching for the couch you knew existed somewhere in the black space in front of you. You wandered around blindly for a few moments.

"Kylo?" You whispered. "I know you're in her—"

You winced as you smacked into the side of kitchen island. "Fuck..."

As soon as you spoke, a small light turned on in front of you. You rotated slightly to see the Commander sitting up on the black sofa. He had turned on the small table lamp. He was wearing his boxers and a black undershirt; his tunic and cape were laid out on the coffee table.

"What the actual fuck are you doing?" He whispered harshly.

You breathed deeply as you moved towards him, stopping at the edge of the couch. "You told me if I wanted someone to sleep next to me, to go and get him." You tossed the duffle bag at his feet. "So that's what I'm doing."

You saw the frustration melt away from his face slowly. Surprise moved through him accompanied by a new emotion. It was tingly and warm.

Was he...happy?

You stared at him as your chest moved rapidly, your adrenaline was wearing off and your nerves were beginning to take its place.

He reached out and took your hands lightly, pulling you on top of him. You fell onto his chest and nuzzled your face into his neck. He wrapped his arms around you while kicking off your tennis shoes with his feet.

"You're full of surprises today, Little One..."

You sighed as you snuggled into him, his scent washed over you, filling your heart with contentment. You felt comfortable here, safe here. 

"Kylo..." You whispered into his neck. "...tell me you don't care about me..." You could hear the emotion in your own voice "...so that I can tell you I don't care about you."

You felt the corners of his lips turn up slightly. "Ok..." He whispered over you. "I don't care about you..."

You nodded lightly. "Good. I don't care about you either...." You tilted your lips up and kissed the bottom of his chin before letting your head fall back onto his chest.

He sighed below you. "If only any of that were true..."

You smiled into his chest. He did care. You fucking knew it.

"Either you come home with me..." You whispered. "Or I'm staying here with you."

You shifted as he moved the blanket over you. He kissed you on the forehead as he turned around to flip off the light behind him.

"What are you talking about..." Darkness engulfed the space again as he moved his arms to pull you closer to him. "...this is home."

As you laid against him, you listened to his breathing steady as he slowly fell asleep. Your mind dwelt on his statement as you drifted towards your own peaceful slumber. Silent tears rolled down your cheeks as you finally understood the meaning of his words.

In this moment, the couch wasn't his home. The training room wasn't his home. The loft in his own room wasn't his home. 

You were.

***you guys am I the only one that cried or??? HOW WE FEELING?


	18. Freedom

**TW**: NSFW!! Blood warning, TOTALLY 1000% NSFW. Unless you work for OnlyFans and then it might be cool idk use your discretion but I'm not liable if you get fired, Dom/sub energy, rough sex, semi-public sex, semi-public embarrassment, discussion of being watched during sex, SPICE without warning, emotional manipulation, emotional distress, men are assholes, WOMEN are assholes, slightly more than VERY problematic, inappropriate force use, actual appropriate force use, guys kylo is kind of nice but you will still be mad at him probably, kylo makes us sad but also happy, we make kylo sad but also happy, this one will have you questioning if you've ever actually loved anyone, I kind of cried writing this one AGAIN, it gave me chills tho, this story has fucked up my life, are we in love or nah, do we tell him or nah, we actually DON'T fight, BUT sometimes fighting is more comfortable than communication so get ready to be uncomfortable, abandonment issues, my therapist was only moderately concerned this one, y/n is kind of trying to be a better person and figure out wtf she wants, y/n is an actually a BADDIE in this one, she redeems herself, her arc is forming nicely, she is hot af so if you're hetero you may have some BIPANIC if you don't already, at least I did, steer clear if you struggle with toxic relationships/sexual situations that come from toxicity, he continues to fuck us up emotionally, but we DEFINITELY fuck him up emotionally in this one, we drop a major bomb on his life, Y/N may think of dying for like one quick second, but she gets her shit together real quick, but then she kind of spirals in a dark and kind of sexy way idk, there is blood in this, y/n may or may not cut herself idk, y/n may or may not be slowly loosing her mind, this one is hard emotionally but also kind of rewarding emotionally, y/n will literally figure out how she feels, y/n doesn't know what love is, OR DOES SHE, kylo doesn't know what love is, OR DOES HE, y/n is indecisive, BUT IS SHE, she definitely used someone else to figure her shit out towards kylo so that's pretty fucked up, probably some secondhand embarrassment here, definitely some daddy issues here, pretty sure a praise kink is developing there is a fighting scene but for training purposes, there is some choking in this one, but who is being choked idk no spoilers, Y/n pops off and maybe hurts people idk, she's a bad bitch but is she crazy idk, there is a ton of self reflection here, talks of killing people, bloodlust idk, kylo will disappoint you at the end but also what did we expect, also it's kind of sweet because at this point we know he has issues with this shit and is trying his best, it is STILL somehow satisfying tho, this chapter is SPICY and spicy from the beginning, I don't give you time to prep for it so I hope you're ready, plz have water close, it is super hot and also sweet and after reading this one your normal life will never be enough sorry....

Ok, so I lied. But now I mean it....seriously, this is the last chapter drop for at least the next two weeks LOLOL. I need to study but what can I say, this story is a coping mechanism. 

Anyways, this chapter is a HUGE one for Y/N. I've been building her to this for a while so it shouldn't come as a surprise. She will make some important decisions that will continue her dark-side arc. So get ready to enjoy seeing her finally take ownership of her mind and her power! There a MAJOR turning point in this one for our fucked up couple and it will be equally as satisfying as it is frustrating. Try to trust the process, and understand that preserving Kylo's character is vital to the progression of Y/N's journey. After this one, you'll be DYING to know what our galactic refrigerator is thinking, and I promise you'll find out! The next chapter will have 'KYLO'S POV' in it! 

ALSO: CAST UPDATE FOR THIS ONE...for the unmasked Vicrul, I imagine Liam Hemsworth.

LAST THING: The song for this chapter is... 'I warned Myself' by Charlie Puth If you read it and then listen to this song, you may quit your job and leave your family in search of a relationship like this one....So you've been warned. 

As always, I CRAVE your comments and thoughts as you read! ESPECIALLY on this one...I'm low-key afraid to publish it LOLOL....ok happy reading! <3 Love you guys!

You woke up gradually.

The warmth of his body beneath you slowly pulled you out of your dreams. You inhaled deeply, breathing in his familiar scent. You sighed happily as you wrapped your arms around his body, pulling yourself closer into him. Unwilling to open your eyes, you smiled to yourself.

The night before played through your memory. You cringed slightly upon remembering the hurtful dialog you’d thrown one other. Even though it still stung, it felt less important as you laid against him.

What you’d said and what you’d done had ultimately brought you here, to his arms. Your heart fluttered as you thought about what he’d said to you before he’d fallen asleep.

Home…

Had he meant it? You couldn’t deny that in this moment, resting against him in the dark, windowless room, you felt more at home than you had in years. As you listened to his heart beat rhythmically, you felt your own matching its pace.

Sure, you’d slept beside him before, but there was something different about it this time. There was something different about the way his energy engulfed you, about the way your heart skipped every time you felt him shift below you.

There was something different between you.

You felt your breathing align with his as you traced your fingers over the thin fabric of his undershirt. Just the feeling of the shirt below your hand made you nervous.

You’d never felt for anyone the way you felt for him. And it didn’t make any fucking sense. Even the simple act of lying next to him made it nearly impossible to breathe, impossible to focus, impossible to exist outside of existing with him.

For a moment, you felt like a prisoner. Enslaved by the stealthy emotion that gripped your heart. Pushing it down was beginning to feel like locking the door to your own prison cell, chaining yourself to your secret turmoil.

You continued to run your fingers along his shirt lightly. But what if you weren’t alone in this emotional prison? What if he was locked inside it too? You knew the spiritual pull between you was mutual. But was the emotional connection something you had imagined?

You sorted through your memories with him. The good and the bad, the signals and the slight variations in his demeanor towards you. There had to be something there. But what if there wasn’t? If he truly didn’t care for you, then the pain of sleeping next to him would be too much to bear.

Maybe that’s what he meant when he said sleeping beside of you was too ‘hard’?

If so, he was right. It was hard, everything about this was hard. You understood that now.

It was hard to feel security from someone who had hurt you so deeply. It was hard to feel bound to someone so emotionally elusive. It was hard to acknowledge your feelings for someone so seemingly indifferent.

It was hard to listen to a heartbeat that didn’t beat for you.

He had been right about it being hard, but he had been right about something else as well. It was hard, but it was also home.

When you were together, even when you were fighting, it felt like it was where you were meant to be. It felt like it was what you were supposed to be fighting for. The battles you faced with him weren’t pointless, but purposeful. They were transforming you both, opening you up in unfamiliar and necessary ways.

You suddenly felt like the trials you had put each other through were somehow leading you to something special, something unbreakable.

Something unstoppable.

You jumped slightly as you felt him bring a hand up to brush through your hair.

He was awake? You found yourself wondering how long he had been awake. You suddenly felt bad about playing with the hem of his shirt. Did you wake him up?

“No...” He moved his fingers over you lightly. “I’ve been awake for a while…”

For a while? You instantly regretted thinking so freely. Had he been listening?

If he had been, he didn’t comment. He brushed your hair to one side and moved his hand over your neck, gradually slipping it under your shirt to rub your back. You sighed into his chest as his fingers trailed over you and decided to let it go. Your thoughts, his thoughts, it was all the same these days.

Besides…now you couldn’t focus on anything other than his strong hands as they moved over your back.

“Did you sleep well?” You whispered.

“Mhm…” He murmured. “Did you?”

“Yes…” Your heart fluttered at the sound of his sleepy voice as you nodded against him. His sleepy tone still sounded low and velvety, but somehow groggy and quiet.

It was sexy.

You smiled lightly as you moved your hand under his shirt, wanting to touch him as he rubbed your back. You trailed your fingertips over his chest, lingering on the defined muscles.

He sighed beneath your touch. “What are you doing, Pet?”

“Nothing…” You giggled quietly as you moved your hand down his torso.

He sighed but permitted the contact to continue, allowing you to explore down his body to the lining of his boxers.

You felt sudden heat move through you as your hand teased the elastic of the band. Even in the dark you were getting to know his form, and you wanted to know more. You liked the way his skin felt under your hands. You liked the way he was letting you touch him. You wanted to keep discovering the curves and the dips of his body.

You sighed and pulled your hand from him briefly. You propped yourself up and turned your face towards his. You ran a hand through his messy hair as you moved your eyes around the dark room.

“What time is it?”

“Too early…” You felt him shrug suggestively beneath you. “No one is up yet...”

“We are…” You whispered as you leaned in to kiss him, pressing your body against him seductively.

A tangible shock moved through the black room as your lips met. Little tendrils of electricity seemed to roll outwards from your embrace as he kissed you back quickly. You fed off of his energy and moved your hand back down his body slowly.

You gathered your courage and slipped your hand underneath the band of his boxers, sliding it down gently to rub your palm against him. He inhaled sharply at your touch as his length grew harder under you instantly.

He increased the intensity of the kiss, pulling you closer and pushing his body into yours, moving himself into a better position for your hand to rub against him. He brought a hand to your face and cupped it gently, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip as he pulled his mouth from yours. You felt his desire for you develop rapidly.

“Fuck…” He sighed. “You can’t just do that.”

You giggled and pulled your hand out of his boxers. You shifted and slid over his body, straddling him from above as he laid beneath you. You moved your lips to hover over his again.

“I can’t?” you whispered playfully.

“No…” You couldn’t see his face, but you could feel the smirk wash over his features. “…not unless you want to get fucked over the side of the couch while the Knights eat breakfast…”

To your surprise, wetness moved to the inside of your thighs at the thought. You didn’t like the idea of being caught, but you liked the idea of being fucked on the couch. Your mind instantly conjured the imagines.

Him bending you over the armrest and fucking you from behind. Him flipping you on your back and pressing you against the black leather, lifting your legs and—

He growled below you and slipped his hand into your hair, pulling your lips down to his aggressively. You kissed him back passionately, moving your tongue against his.

Kissing him felt natural now, almost instinctive, like you’d been doing it for years. The way your lips moved against his flowed like a melody, a song that you both knew and hummed together in perfect harmony. You moved in sync, like you were connected, like you were one complete, undamaged person.

You never wanted the music to stop. You wanted this song to play forever. You needed it to play forever.

You needed him. His body, his mind…his heart.

“You don’t know how much I fucking need you…” He breathed against your lips. “…but if you want me like this, we’ll have to be quick...”

Your heart skipped violently as you felt him sit up underneath you, adjusting you to wrap your legs around his waist as he leaned back against the armrest. He looped his thumbs in your underwear and leggings and pulled them down your thighs. You felt his erection press against your exposed ass through his boxers.

You scooted back slightly so that your clit sat on top of his hard cock. You leaned in to kiss him again, sighing lightly as his length rubbed against you. You rocked yourself over him slowly as your lips moved together. Your hips wiggled in anticipation as you felt him grow even harder below you.

“Always so ready…” He snickered slightly against your mouth. “Tell me what you want.”

You felt your pulse quicken as you registered his words.

“You…” You reached between your legs and found the hole in his boxers. You pulled his cock out through the opening. “I want you.”

You felt him tense below you as he brought his hand up to his mouth. Your breathing shallowed as you heard him spit on his hand. He brought his spit-coated fingers down to your opening and massaged it gently before repositioning his cock to your entrance.

“Say that again.” His tone had changed. You couldn’t see his face in the dark room, but you could hear his intensity.

“I want you.” You sighed as you rubbed yourself against him, the pleasure from the friction and the adrenaline from the semi-public environment already threatened to push you up the cliff.

You felt his lips smile against yours. He pushed himself in only slightly, stretching your opening gently as he pressed the tip of his penis inside you. You gasped quietly at the pressure.

“One more time, Baby.” He smirked as he teased you. “Tell me what you want.”

Baby.

“You…” You whispered above him. “…I want you. Fuck me, Kylo…please.”

As you spoke, he grabbed your hips and pushed you down on top of him. You bit your lip to stifle a gasp as he filled you up entirely. You rocked your hips in rhythm with his as he moved inside of you. You adjusted your body forward so that your clit rubbed against his skin as you rode him.

You sighed into his ear as he moved a hand from your hips and brought it to your torso, running it up your waist and over your breast.

“I missed this…” He sighed into you. “I think about your pussy…” He paused to take a deep breath. “…every second of every fucking day.”

You gasped quietly, clenching around him as he spoke. His voice did something to you. It always had…and he knew it. You inhaled deeply as he reached out with the Force and wrapped it around your already stimulated clit.

“Fuck, K-Kylo…” You whimpered as he teased you with the pressure. You wanted more of it. “I need you…”

“I need you too…” He smiled into your shoulder. “Be mine again, Pet.”

You kissed down his neck as he pushed deeper inside of you. The secret emotion broke out of its prison cell momentarily as you let your mental control slip. You spoke instinctively, impulsively. The words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“I’ve always been yours…”

You felt his energy shift as he took in your statement. He slowed his thrusts slightly and moved his lips to yours. He kissed you gently as you slowed down your hips to match his pace.

He began to fuck you slowly, intimately. Your orgasm built quickly as the slow movement of the Force around your clit matched the pulsing of his cock inside of you.

You trembled under his hands as the familiar, forbidden feeling rose within you, breaking the chains you’d bound it in. It wasn’t your orgasm, although that was steadily approaching, it was something more. It was the same feeling that controlled your thoughts, that dominated your mind. It was the same feeling that you’d felt in the bathtub the night before…

When you’d almost said…

You pushed the thoughts down quickly, trying to regain your mental control, but the feeling remained, ignited by the intimacy of his slow movements.

You longed for him, more of him, all of him.

The painful feeling was too much to bear. You didn’t want to acknowledge it. You wanted to get your mind off the emotion and just fuck him. You pushed against his thrusts, trying to speed him up.

“No, Little Girl…” He shook his head. “My way…”

You huffed in disapproval as he held you steady.

“Harder, Kylo.” You moaned. “Please…”

You felt his frustration build below you as he brought his hands to your waist rapidly. His fingers dug into your hips painfully.

“I’ve told you before…” He snapped. “Don’t tell me how to fuck you.”

You began to speak but he moved under you quickly. He rotated around and placed his feet on the floor, sitting on the couch normally now, with you straddling him. He reached behind your back and grabbed your hair, yanking it back sharply.

“If I want to fuck you slowly, I’ll fuck you slowly…” He growled into your neck. “…and if I want to fuck you like a slut, I’ll fuck you like a slut…” He pushed into you harder as he spoke the words. “Either way…” He pulled on your hair aggressively. “…it’s not up to you. Do you understand, Pet?”

You flinched and nodded, thankful for the pain that pulled you from the dangerous sentiment that had crept into your mind.

“No…” He snapped. “Fucking answer me.”

“Y-Yes…” You sighed quietly as he sped up the Force on your clit. “Yes. Master.”

He moaned lowly at your response as he moved his hands to grip your hips tightly. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you rode him, accepting his lead as he set the pace with his hands on your hips.

The rolling Force vibrated over your clit, sending chills down your spine as your body ascended to the peak. You moaned as he switched the pattern.

“Quiet, Baby.” He chuckled lightly below you. “You’re going to wake them up…”

You bit your lip to stop another moan as his sensual tone nearly pushed you over the ledge.

“Unless...that’s what you want?” He spoke suggestively in your ear. “Do you want them to hear you cum?”

You shook your head as you bounced on him.

“Are you sure…?” He moved a hand up your back and dug his fingers into your hair, tilting your head back. “Why don’t I call them out here?” His voice trailed as he sighed into your neck, nearing his own release. “…so that they can see what a good little girl you are for me.”

You sighed loudly as you pictured his words. You pictured the six men gathered in the corner, watching as the Commander fucked you into oblivion. You’d never thought about being watched before, so why did the imagines alone nearly send you over the edge? 

Maybe it was just the way he’d said it. The power that he held over his men, and over you for that matter, was quite possibly one of the sexiest things about him.

He sped up the pressure on your clit and pushed himself into you harder as he saw the visuals in your own mind. You felt your body teetering on the edge of climax. You bit your lip again in an attempt to keep quiet, trying to suppress your release.

“It’s ok…” He moaned as he coxed you. “Let them hear you.”

Fuck it.

You gasped loudly into his neck as your orgasm hit. You tightened around him, pushing yourself down onto his length slowly as you rode the waves of pleasure. You tossed your head back as you sighed into the darkness. The tingling sensation rolled through you, causing you to shiver as you drifted down from the high.

He released your hair and moved his hands down to your hips again, rocking you against him slowly. You flinched as your sensitive clit rubbed against his body.

You leaned over and found his lips, kissing him gently as he moved inside of you. You felt him stir below you as he neared his peak.

“Cum for me now, Kylo…” You whispered in his ear, suddenly confident. “I want you to cum inside of me—"

As you spoke, he moved underneath you quickly, tossing you back onto the couch. He flipped on the small light from the side table in the process. You caught a glimpse of him for the first time as he leaned over to grab your hair. He pulled you into a sitting position on the couch and moved to stand in front of you.

You knew what he wanted. 

You took him in your mouth as he used the leverage on your hair to push his cock down your throat. He pushed your head against him as he came in your mouth, moaning lowly as you tilted your neck to take all of him. You felt his cock twitch as the warm liquid flooded your throat. You struggled to breathe as you swallowed every drop, moving your tongue along his shaft as his cum swept over your lips.

The salty liquid lingered in your mouth as he pulled out of it slowly. He brought his hand down and gripped your cheek.

“I cum when I want…” You flinched as he tightened his grip. “…where I want.”

You looked up into his dark eyes. They glistened in the soft light from the small lamp. His gaze was intense, but surprisingly, not harsh.

“Do you understand, Little Girl?” He smirked down at you.

“Y-Yes, Commander.” You felt the corners of your lips turn up as you met his sly smile. You brushed your fingers over your lips, wiping off the remainder of his release. “I understand…”

He moved his hand from your face gently and tucked himself back inside of his boxers. He knelt down on the floor in front of you and helped you pull your underwear and leggings back up your thighs. He climbed onto the couch and pulled you onto his lap as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Good morning, by the way…” You whispered into his chest.

He huffed as he moved his lips down to kiss the top of your head. “Good morning…”

You titled your face up and kissed his lips gently. You expected it to be short, or for him to be hesitant because of what had just been in your mouth, but he cupped your face and pulled you in closer, prolonging the movement of your lips on his.

It surprised you. Your heart flooded with casual, unexpected joy. You smiled at him instinctively as the kiss broke.

He took in your smile and shook his head. “What the fuck are you trying to do to me?” He mumbled as he brushed his thumb over your cheek.

He was so dramatic… You shook your head sarcastically.

“Well since you asked, I’m trying to get you to fall for me so I can kill you in your sleep and take your laser sword…” You rolled your eyes and laid your head against his chest. “How’s my plan going so far?”

His eyes lit up as he registered your sarcasm. “I’d say you’re a little over halfway there…”

Your mind wanted to dissect the possible meaning of his words, but your train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a door opening on the far side of the room.

You jerked your head off of his chest and sat up quickly, turning around to see the intruder. Ap’lek poked his head out of one of the side doors.

“So uhm…” He cleared his throat. “Is the coast clear or…?”

You blushed a violent red as you understood his question. You sank down into the couch and covered your mouth.

The Commander laughed at your reaction. Your heart fluttered at the sight of his features. You didn’t know if you’d ever get used to seeing him smile.

“Yeah, Ap…” He turned to smirk at the Knight and pressed his tongue against his cheek. “Nothing to see here…”

Ap’lek raised his eyebrows as he made eye contact with you. “Well I don’t know about all that…” He mumbled to himself as he stepped out of the room.

The Commander narrowed his eyes at the comment but let it slide.

You felt your unease grow as the rooms around you began to open. Men clad in all black began filtering into the open space. They flipped the overhead can lights on, illuminating the room with warm light. You sank further down into the couch, hoping they wouldn’t see you.

The Commander noticed your hesitation and reached over to you. He picked up your hand and locked his fingers in yours.

He stood to his feet and pulled you up with him, leading you into the kitchen. You blushed as you felt the eyes of the unmasked men on you as he led you to the kitchen island. You sat on the barstool as he rummaged around in the cabinets.

“Coffee?” He turned to you with raised eyebrows.

You nodded silently. He squinted at you in disapproval.

Right. Answer him…

“Y-Yes, Coffee is good.”

He flipped on the large pot and grabbed two coffee cups from the cabinet. He set them on the counter and turned around, waving his hand through the air and bringing his clothes from the living area into his arms.

“Keep an eye on that…” He nodded towards the brewing coffee as he moved into an adjacent room. “I’ll be right back.”

You watched him disappear into the refresher and sighed. You glanced around the large room as you waited. A few of the Knights were in the gym, one was sharpening a sword in front of the wall of weapons and one was walking towards the kitchen with Ap’lek.

The man walking beside Ap’lek was nearly as tall as he was. The mystery Knight looked younger than him, and less intense. His light brown hair was short on the sides, but longer on the top and his neat, bushy eyebrows fell over piercing blue eyes. His face was full of close kept stubble and his expression was blank as he approached the kitchen.

Ap’lek smirked as he leaned over the island.

“Well you’re only about…” He checked a non-existent watch on his wrist. “…3 hours early for training…”

“I guess I’m just super excited to get started…” You smiled and shook your head. “Can we start early?”

“Hell yeah, we can start early!” He slapped you on the shoulder. “After breakfast though…” Ap’lek pushed himself off of the island and moved to walk towards the main door. “Where is that fucking droid?”

As Ap’lek made his way to the door to search for the droid, the younger mystery Knight moved to stand beside of you.

“We’ve technically met already but…” He waved his hand in front of his face. “I look a little different in here…” He cleared his throat. “I’m Vicrul.”

Vicrul…right. The one with the scythe.

“You do look different…” You nodded and looked down his body in the black uniform. “New shirt?” Your nerves began to dissipate as you joked with him.

He looked down and grabbed at the thick fabric of shirt. “It is new actually…”

“Well, I like it…” You smiled and nodded again. “…and it’s nice to finally meet you.”

As the words left your lips, you saw Ap’lek bounding back into the kitchen, MD-80 and an unnamed droid wobbled closely behind, pulling a large cart. The cart was stacked with a huge assortment of breakfast food, more food than you’d ever seen in one place.

The droids parked the cart beside of the island and the Knights swarmed into the kitchen, talking with one another casually as they piled their plates full.

You looked them over as they moved. Without masks, they looked like regular men. Tall, muscular and still vaguely threatening, but men, nevertheless. Their features varied significantly, different shades of skin tone, various hair colors and different facial features covered the same bulky body type.

A few of them made eye contact with you as they passed, and a couple completely ignored you. You wondered for a moment which one was Cardo.

Because fuck Cardo.

The Knights made their plates and wandered away from the kitchen and into in the living and dining areas, settling in on the various pieces of furniture. You blushed as you watched a couple of them spread out on the couch.

Involuntarily, you thought back to only moments ago, when the Commander had fucked you on that very same couch. You smirked slightly as you let your thoughts wander.

At the same time, the Commander exited the refresher in his black uniform. You looked him up and down as he approached the kitchen. He looked powerful, commanding, authoritative.

Your heart skipped as he neared you. His dark eyes peered into your soul. He saw your thoughts as you remembered the moments on the couch. The corners of his mouth turned up as he relived it with you. He stopped on the other side of the kitchen and poured the coffee into the two cups. He turned around and slid one across the island to you.

“How do you take it?”

Take it? You blushed. “I...Uhm…”

“The coffee, Pet…” He shook his head as he moved to the refrigerator and pulled out a small carton of milk. “Do you want this?”

You exhaled gently. The coffee…of course he was talking about the fucking coffee. You needed to get your shit together.

“Yes, please…” You nodded as you took the milk out of his hands and poured some into your cup. “What about you?” You offered it to him.

He took it from you and shook his head as he placed it back in the fridge. He leaned over the island across from you as you both drank your coffee quietly.

You found yourself looking him over as you sipped the coffee. His heavy uniform hugged his form perfectly, outlining his broad shoulders and strong arms. You let your eyes linger over his large hands as they held the coffee cup. Your heart skipped as you remembered them on you.

“You look nice, Commander.” You smiled at him as you met his eyes. “In the uniform, I mean…”

He narrowed his eyes and looked down at himself. “Don’t say that.” He snapped. “This isn’t supposed to look ‘nice’.”

“Fine…” You rolled your eyes. “You also look scary and completely unapproachable.”

He smirked as he brought the cup to his lips. “So do you…”

“I look scary...or nice?” You laughed as you looked down at yourself in the oversized shirt and leggings. “I don’t think either currently applies--”

He shook his head, interrupting you. “You look beautiful.” He shifted uncomfortably as the words left his lips.

You felt heat rush to your face. “Oh…” You ran your fingers through your hair, suddenly self-conscious. “T-Thank you…”

He cleared his throat and nodded at you.

You started to speak again but Ap’lek came bounding back into the kitchen. You glanced over to the living area to see that the Knights had already dispersed and spread back out over the room.

“You should eat something…” He picked up a danish from the cart and tossed it to you. “You’re going to need the energy.” He snickered. “Because I’m going to kick your fucking ass…”

The Commander narrowed his eyes.

“Only a little…” Ap’lek noticed and backtracked. “A healthy amount of ass-kicking.” He winked at you.

You smiled and bit into the danish. “Holy shit…” You brought a hand to cover your mouth. “These are amazing!”

“Right?” He grinned. “Here take another one…” He tossed another your way. “…and meet me on the mat in 15.”

You nodded to him as you shoved the danish in your mouth. You choked down the rest of the coffee and slid off the bar stool. Grabbing your duffle bag off of the floor beside the couch, you dashed into the nearby refresher.

You’d packed the training outfit the Commander had given you weeks prior. The style of the heavy, layered black fabric mirrored his own and the tunic dipped down your chest into a V-neck. You left the sleeveless vest unzipped. You brushed your teeth and braided your hair quickly, securing it back into your typical bun.

You smiled at your reflection in the training outfit. It wasn’t really you…but it was certainly him. You liked the fact that he had picked it out for you. You liked the fact that it looked similar to his.

Even if the fabric was heavy as fuck…

You exited the refresher to see the Commander in the center of the mat, talking with Ap’lek. Unexpected nerves clenched your heart as you began walking towards them. You caught a glimpse of MD-80 in the kitchen as you passed.

“Hey, MD…” You called to him. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course, Mistress.” He chirped. “What can I do for you?”

“Send a message to the squad and tell them I’ll be training in the mornings, and they should practice by themselves. I’ll fly with them all afterwards.” You turned to him. “…and tell them this will be the new permanent schedule until further notice.”

The droid nodded. “Yes. Ma’am”

You worked through the timeline in your head. You could train with Ap’lek the first half of the day, and then still have time to fly with your pilots during the second half. The days would be long, but you could make it work.

Besides, your pilots were nearly ready. You wondered briefly when their first assignment would come. Your nerves jumped randomly as you thought about them fighting actual X-Wings…

You tried to still your tension as you approached the mat. Kylo looked you up and down as you stepped onto the surface. His eyes lingered over you slowly, tracing over your body in the training outfit. Your face flushed as you felt his energy from across the floor. You ignored him and looked at Ap’lek.

“Ready?”

“Change of plans.” He shrugged. “Commander Ren has something he wants to try.”

You raised your eyebrows as Ap’lek pulled a small knife from his side and handed it to the Commander before taking a step back off the mat. You saw the corner of the Commander’s mouth twitch as he moved around you slowly, rolling the small blade over in his hands. He came to a stop a few feet in front of you

“Do you remember this?” he fingered the blade lightly.

You inhaled deeply and nodded. Of course you remembered. It was the same knife he’d held to your neck. The same knife he’d cut you with…

Right before he’d called you nothing…

He rolled his eyes as he heard your thoughts. He held his palm out, the knife rested in his open hand.

“Take it.” He snapped.

You breathed deeply and closed your eyes, trying to connect to the power inside of you. It was there, burning quietly like a dying ember. You tried to poke at it. You knew your emotion was the key. You needed to tap into your passion. Your anger…

You tried to remember how you’d felt that night.

You tried to remember how you’d felt when he had called you nothing. When he had nearly beaten the life out of you. When he had crushed the neck of your friend in front of your eyes. When he had let the trooper shoot you…

Anger moved through you quickly as you remembered it all. The warm feeling you had towards him dissipated rapidly as your head snapped up to meet his eyes.

“I said…” You saw him smile darkly as he felt the power move through you. “Take i—”

You held out your palm, interrupting him. The knife flew through the air and into your open hand. You saw Ap’lek grin as he looked up at you and then over to the Commander.

“Now what.” You smirked.

The Commander sucked on his teeth and motioned for Ap’lek to move onto the mat again. He did as instructed and moved to stand in front of you.

“Push him off.” The Commander snapped.

You widened your eyes and looked at Ap’lek. “Do it, Kid” He grinned at you. “I can take it.”

You nodded and reached out. Wrapping the Force around his body, you pushed him off of the mat. He stumbled back but regained his balance quickly.

“That’s weak shit…” He shook his head as he stepped up in front of you again. “What else you got?”

You narrowed your eyes as you noticed the heads of the Knights turning in your direction. You wanted them to believe in you, you wanted them to see what you could do.

“You sure?” 

“Do your worst.” He smiled playfully.

You slipped the knife inside your pocket and closed your eyes. You dug deep, tapping into the anger that boiled inside as you let your mind find the emotion again.

You flared your nostrils as your eyes snapped open. You didn’t extend your hand this time, you only jerked your head in the direction you wanted his body to go. You bent the Force around him and threw him back against the wall of weapons. His large form smashed into the wall, sending a loud clang through the room as weapons fell to the floor. His body slid down the wall, pulling down various items along the way.

He gasped audibly as he fell onto his hands and knees.

Fuck. Had you hurt him? You didn’t mean to throw him that hard…

Your initial surprise transformed into concern, but only for a moment. You saw him reach down and grab an axe from the floor beside of him.

The whole room was quiet now as the Knights stood silently to watch the show unfold. You saw the Commander step off of the mat and cross his arms as he anticipated the impending action.

Ap’lek moved as fast as lightening, springing off of the floor and bounding over to you. You inhaled sharply and extended your palm again, commanding a long, metallic spear to fly into your hand from the fallen weapons on the floor. You held it up just in time to block the axe as he swung it down over his head. You grunted and moved around him, using the Force to push him off the mat again.

You didn’t know how to fight with the spear. You’d never been trained for hand-to-hand combat. The long weapon was entirely unfamiliar and felt foreign. So as Ap’lek jumped back onto the mat, you should have been nervous…

But you weren’t.

“What’s that…one point for you, zero points for me?” He smirked as he moved under you quickly, kicking your legs and forcing you to drop the spear. You winced as you hit the mat hard.

“Now that’s one for me, one for you…” He kicked the spear away as you rolled back onto your feet. “Game is tied…”

You glared at him and jerked your head, pulling the axe out of his hand and throwing it into the wall behind him.

“Two to one…” You smiled darkly.

He shook his head as he moved towards you. “I don’t need that shit anyway.”

You reached into your pocket and pulled out the small knife, holding it out in defense as he crouched in front of you.

“Bad idea…” He chuckled upon seeing the small blade. “Never pull a weapon on someone that you don’t know how to use, Kid.”

He moved on you before you could react, grabbing your wrists violently and flipping you around. He pulled the knife from your hand and tightened his forearm around your throat. He brought the knife up and pressed it into your side.

“Tied again…” He chuckled

You smirked as you quickly formulated a plan. You tried to wiggle dramatically out of Ap’lek’s grip. He looked down at you, taking his eyes off of the room around him. “You aren’t going anywhe--”

As he spoke, your long spear came flying through the air and swept underneath his legs, knocking you both to the floor. You took the opportunity to roll away from him and jumped to your feet, catching the spear in your hand.

“Made you look…” You smirked down at him. “Three to two…”

“Not yet…” He growled at you, genuinely startled by your move. He jumped up and grabbed the spear out of your hand easily, jerking it from your grip. He turned it around expertly in his hand and held the pointed end to your throat.

You saw the Commander twitch nervously out of the corner of your eye.

The Commander…

You’d forgotten about him.

You moved quickly. Reaching out your hand, you moved the Force around the Commander’s saber. You jerked it from his belt. The weapon flew through the air and fell into your hand just like before. You smiled. It felt like it belonged there. You flicked your wrist and ignited the red blade, swinging it quickly through the spear Ap'lek had pointed at your neck. The saber cut the spear in half easy. The charred metal hit the floor with a clanging thud.

Ap’lek’s eyes grew wide as he dropped the other half of the spear. You held the red saber in front of you and smirked at him from behind the crackling blade.

“Game over…” You whispered.

You heard the Knights begin to clap obnoxiously as they hurled insults at Ap’lek. "That was a cheap shot..." He rolled his eyes but held out his hand in surrender.

You smiled and sheathed the red blade as you shook his hand. “It's ok..." You mumbled. "I know you were pulling your punches…” 

“In the beginning…” He shrugged. “But you got me with the last couple moves.” He smiled at you. “I’m proud of you…”

You walked with him off of the mat. He went over to the back wall and knelt down by the weapons on the floor, sorting them into piles. You walked towards the Commander, stopping in front him. You cleared your throat as you held out the saber.

“I’m sorry, Sir…” You looked up into his dark eyes. “I believe this belongs to you?”

He took the saber and latched it back on his belt, gazing down at you with an intensity you didn’t recognize. For a moment, you wanted so badly to see inside of his mind. To know his thoughts as intimately as he knew yours.

You kept your gaze locked on his as you reached out. You tried to build the bridge into his mind, pushing lightly on the door to his thoughts.

He sighed and shook his head. “No.”

You let your expression fall slightly as you felt him push you out. You didn’t want to be intrusive, you just wanted to know what he was thinking. You just wanted to know if he was proud of you too…

You saw his expression change as he brought his hand up to your face. He rubbed your cheek lightly. “I’m more than proud of you…”

His voice faded as he caught himself slipping. He straightened his posture and moved his hand from your face. “Keep working, Captain.” He cleared his throat. “You still have long way to go...”

As he spoke, a loud bang echoed through the room as the main door flew open and smacked into the wall. An unknown officer stormed into the training room frantically. The Commander tensed immediately as he ran through the Officer’s thoughts.

“C-Commander Ren, we’ve just received word that Resistance fugitives have been spotted in Mos Eisley.” The Officer shook visibly as he struggled to deliver his message. “We have a confirmed sighting, and our intel suggests that the information drive is with them.”

“Are they alone?” The Commander snapped as he moved towards the officer quickly. “Or are the fighters with them?”

“I-I don’t know, Sir…” The Officer flinched.

“Prepare the Command Shuttle and the transports…” The Commander spat at the Officer. “We’re going to find out.”

“Y-Yes, Commander” The Officer scurried out of the training room.

The Knights moved quickly, running in a blur around you as they suited up and grabbed their weapons off the wall. The Commander turned towards them as they grouped together at the main door.

“Make sure we have enough ground support on the shuttles.” He snapped. “I’ll meet you in the hangar.”

He waved his hand through the air and caught his mask as it flew into his hand. The Knights filed out of the main door as he latched the helmet over his face and turned towards you.

“Captain…” He barked; his modulated voice suddenly dominant. “Come with me." He stormed out of the room, forcing you to run to keep up with him.

“K-Kylo, what the fuck is happening?” You gasped as you paced behind him, trying to process the whirlwind of events that had just transpired. “Where are you going?”

“Mos Eisley, on Tatooine.” He snapped over his shoulder. “Scramble your fighters. They’re coming too.”

Tatooine? Mos Eisley? You’d never been there before.

“My fighters?” You jogged behind him as he moved through the hallways. “Will there be Resistance aircraft there?”

“Maybe.”

“Why?”

“They may have air support to protect the stolen intel...” He smirked. “The Resistance must be having issues decoding the drive. Mos Eisley has a fair share of Resistance sympathizing, scum…” He huffed under the mask. “They must be looking for someone who can decode it…”

“The drive?” You scrunched your face. You had no clue what he was talking about. “What drive?”

He let out an irritated sigh.

“Do you remembered the escape pod we were looking for on Chandrila?” He slowed his walk as he turned to you. “It was empty when I found it. The fugitives escaped with the drive and have been trying to extract the information ever since.” He scoffed. “It would appear they have been unsuccessful…”

Of course you remembered. You’d flown for two days straight looking for that fucking escape pod…and he’d found it on the first day.

“What’s on the drive?” You probed.

“That’s classified.”

Of course it was…

You sighed and let your mind drift to that first mission with the Commander. You blushed as you remembered how the events had unfolded. How he had walked in on you in the tub, how he had made you cum on the control panel…

How you had signed your body over to him before you’d even seen his face…

“I need you to focus.” He growled through the modulator as he paced in front of you, pulling you from your thoughts.

“When we get to the hangar you will brief your pilots. You will tell them to keep their distance and not to engage unless Resistance fighters are spotted. You will be commanding them through the Commlink in the Command Center.”

Your heart fell through the floor.

“No the fuck I won’t” You lowered your eyebrows. “I’m going with them.”

He stopped suddenly in the corridor. You ran directly into his back. He turned around quickly and pushed you against the wall.

“No, you’re not.” He snarled as he pressed his forearm into you. “You’re staying here.”

“No. I’m going!” You raised your voice as you wiggled beneath him. “How can you keep me here? This is my team. This is their first real assignment. I’m not staying behind!”

“You’ll do exactly what I tell you to do.” He pushed against you harder. “I don’t want you in a fucking TIE fighter unless I know what we’re getting into...” He paused as his voice trailed slightly. “You aren’t target practice for the Resistance...”

“My TIEs aren’t ‘target practice’…” You glared at him. “They can do this…I know they can!”

“Then they can do it without you.” He shrugged. “You’re staying on the ground, and that’s final.”

You stopped wiggling as you took in his words. He was technically right; the team didn’t need you there to be able to fly like you’d taught them. And it was standard procedure for the commanding officer to be off site.

You thought over his statement quickly, searching for a loophole.

“Then let me go with you.” You relaxed below his hold. “Let me stay on the ground with you in Mos Eisley. I can help on the ground, with the Knights.” You shrugged. “It will be like…like hands on training.” You reached out and grabbed his forearm lightly. “Please, Kylo…”

He released you from his hold but kept his body pressed against yours as he thought through it. He exhaled brisky as he made his decision.

“You’re not ready for that…” He shook his head. “I can’t risk it.”

You sighed loudly.

“Did you not see what I just did back there?” You narrowed your eyes. “If I can take on Ap’lek, I can take on a couple Resistance fighters with cheap blasters.”

“He was pulling his punches.”

“Not at the end. I had him at the end…” You shook your head as your desperation grew. “Please let me come with you. I can do this…I promise.”

He stared down at you silently, his mask loitered over your features as you looked up at him. You bat your eyelashes as you clutched his forearm again. He grunted as he pushed himself off of the wall.

“You will not leave my side. Do you understand?” He snapped as he began to storm down the hallway again.

You grinned and nodded as you ran to catch up with him. “Yes, Commander. I understand.” You reached out and grabbed his bicep gently. He paused and turned to face you.

“Thank you…” You whispered up to him. “I won’t let you down.”

He jerked his arm out of your hold silently and stormed out ahead of you. You smirked to yourself as you jogged behind him.

He was irritated, but he’d get over it.

You were going on a mission.

_______________________________

Hangar 4 was buzzing as you entered. Stormtroopers were being loaded onto transports and workers from every station were working frantically to prepare for the Commander’s departure. The large Command Shuttle sat in the center of the hangar. You could see the Knights overseeing the preparations as the engineers equipped it for the mission.

Predictably, heads turned around the large space as you entered the hangar by the Commander’s side. You looked down at your training outfit regretfully. You stood out. Even more than usual…

You looked over to your TIES and saw the engineers prepping them for the long-range mission. Your squad waited anxiously by the fleet. As you walked in their direction you noticed that the Commander was still strolling by your side. You looked up at him in confusion.

“I thought you wanted me to brief them?”

“I do.”

“Well I can do that alone…”

“I know.”

“Is this some kind of power move?” You spat. “I know you’re in charge. I don’t need a reminder.”

You felt his smirk below the mask. “You don’t need one…”

Your anxiety built as you understood. He wasn’t overseeing the brief to prove anything to you. You glanced at your squad as you neared them. He was doing it for them. To remind them who they really worked for.

One of them in particular…

You took a deep breath as you approached the team. You saw them look at each other anxiously as you walked with the Commander. In the corner of your vision, you noticed Marco twitch uncomfortably as you moved closer to the row of men. As you came to a stop in front of them, you intentionally avoided all eye contact.

You talked through the mission quickly and instructed them not to engage unless necessary. You rattled through a brief recap of the maneuvers and reminded them of the combat procedures.

“I know this will be your first time using the profile on actual Resistance aircraft, but I am fully confident in your abilities.” You cleared your throat. “If the ratio becomes an issue, radio me. I’ll have an additional squadron from Hangar 6 on reserve. They won’t know your maneuvers, but they can help with pure numbers. If you take on heavy damage, return to base immediately.”

You finally let your eyes meet Avery’s. He looked you up and down, communicating with you silently. He raised his eyebrows comically. You knew he was referring to the new outfit. You shrugged and shook your head, cutting him a slight smirk as you looked away.

“One last thing…” You paused. “I won’t be in the Command Center. I’ll be with the ground team on Tatooine.” You saw them look at each other in surprise as they cut glances towards the Commander. You could tell they were putting the pieces together.

You grabbed an earpiece from the closest engineer’s dock. “I’ll still be on Coms…” You slipped the earpiece on. “…but I’ll be running control from the ground.”

As you spoke the sentence, you felt an unwelcome and cold presence wash over you. You turned around to see General Hux walking up behind you, his stormtroopers loitered in his wake.

“What is this about on-site Com control?” He snapped. “I didn’t authorize that.” He glared over at the Commander. “You’ve over stepped, Ren. The Command Center and the Flight Operations Department are my responsibility.”

The Commander ignored him.

Heat moved to your face as the hangar operations quieted down. Employees paused their work to watch as the General reprimanded you. You flared your nostrils as you tried to contain your anger. The hatred bubbled up quickly as you looked Hux up and down.

“General, I can assure you—” You tried to console him.

“You don’t get to decide where you run your operations from, Dear.” General Hux turned towards you again, fuming as he interrupted your sentence. “I don’t care who you’re in bed with…” He shot the Commander another glare. “I am still your first commanding officer!”

You saw the Commander twitch slightly in an attempt to control his actions. You looked at him and pushed into his mind gently. This time, he let you form the bridge. As you crossed it, you immediately felt him. His rage was tangible. He wanted to take action, but for some reason…he was letting you handle it.

You smiled slightly. He wanted to see what you would do…

“Are you listening to me, Captain?” Hux spat sarcastically. “Or are you fucking deaf? You will NOT be leaving this base!”

The power inside of you raged, dying to lash out. You took a deep breath and suppressed it one last time.

“General...” You breathed. “I’m sorry, but the decision has been made. Your input is not required at this time.” You spoke calmly as you turned your back to him, moving to face your squad again. 

Your anger became harder to control as you felt him move closer to you. You clenched your fists as you heard the words form in his mind before he said them.

“Ducky, you have exactly five seconds to—"

Fucking Ducky?

You snapped. White hot rage flowed through you, powered by the darkness that burned inside of your soul. You felt a flash of unrelenting power as it pushed through your veins. You couldn’t suppress it even if you wanted to.

You pivoted around sharply and extended your palm, wrapping the Force around his jaw and lifting him up off of the floor.

You heard the gasps around you and felt the collective shock of the hangar as you held the General in your invisible hold. His icy eyes widened in surprise as he looked you over. His stormtroopers tried to engage, but you twitched your head, pushing them back against the far wall. You tightened the pressure around the General’s throat as you paced towards him.

You’d never used the Force in this way. But somehow, it felt easy. It felt ordinary.

It felt natural.

“I’m not your fucking Duck, Hux.” You spat. “You will address me as Captain, or you will not address me at all.”

He moved his hands to his throat, trying to claw out of your unseen grasp. You smirked and tightened it. He began choking underneath your grip. You twitched your fingers and lowered his body slightly so that you could look into his eyes.

You felt a warm feeling spread through you as you watched him fight for his life. You liked the way the terror looked draped over his sharp features. You liked the way his toxic, authoritative demeanor crumbled instantly.

You liked the feeling of the power under your hands. You felt as unstoppable as you’d felt that night outside of the bar. The dark energy was easier to harness now, easier to tap into. All it took was a little bit of rage…

You moved closer to him as he choked in front of you.

“Do you understand, General?” You whispered darkly.

You lessened the pressure around his neck so that he could speak. He inhaled aggressively and nodded.

“No...” You shook your head calmly as you threw his body onto the floor at your feet. You leaned over him slowly.

“Answer me.”

He gasped as he sat up on his knees, breathing deeply as he looked up into your eyes.

“Y-Yes, Captain.” He coughed forcefully as he stood to his feet. “T-The on-site Com control is approved.”

You rolled your eyes and turned away from him. “I know it is.”

You let your rage fester as you stormed back to your squad. You didn’t bother to turn around to watch the General scurry out of the hangar. You didn’t bother to look at the Commander as he stood silently to the side.

You didn’t bother to make eye contact with your team as they gaped at you.

“Does anyone else have a question?” You snapped at them. They stood quietly in stunned silence. You pivoted around and stormed towards the Command Shuttle. “Good.” You spat over your shoulder.

You felt the Commander fall in behind you as you paced through the hangar. You moved swiftly up the ramp into the Command Shuttle. The starchy, luxurious ship triggered memories that threatened to pull you from your state of control. You shook them down as you tried to hold on to your passionate hatred.

You heard the ramp rise and the shuttle close itself off for departure. The Knights moved up the narrow staircase that led to the cockpit, but you walked right passed it. The Commander stayed silently on your heels.

“Kuruk…” He snapped to the closest Knight as he followed you by the staircase. “You’re flying now...”

"Yes, Commander..." The deep voice responded.

Kylo stayed close behind you as you walked. You felt his passion, his tension. His wonder. In this moment, with your rage as a tether, you felt bound to his mind.

You didn’t say a word. You didn’t have to.

You turned the corner and opened the closest door you could find. You grabbed his hand and pulled him into the small storage closet. The dimly lit, narrow space was stocked with random aircraft parts and tools. You barely noticed them as you reached up and pulled his helmet off, tossing it to the floor.

You stared up into his dark eyes. They reflected what you knew he was seeing in yours.

Power. Pure fucking power.

You could feel it radiating off of him, off of you. It filled the small closet with an emotional charge that held palpable weight. You felt it flow through you as you ran your hands up his torso.

He clenched his jaw and pushed you against the shelf, bringing his lips down to yours aggressively. You moved your hands into his hair and wrapped your arms around his neck as he kissed you deeply. You moved your tongue alongside his, pressing back into him with an equal amount of force.

As you pressed against each other, you passed the power back and forth. It bounced between you naturally, intertwining your energies with every pass, like a threaded needle through two pieces of fabric.

Your heart clenched as the embedded power manifested into an emotion. The same violent emotion that tore through your spirit every time you were with him. The same violent emotion that kept you awake at night. The same violent emotion that held him in your thoughts every single fucking second.

You took the opportunity and crossed the bridge into his open mind. You explored his emotions as he explored your lips. You felt the same rage moving inside of him, the same passion, the same control, the same…

You froze slightly as you recognized the familiar, violent emotion. But this time it wasn’t yours…

It was his.

It burned inside of him too. Feeling the sentiment in his mind proved that you shared more than just a physical and spiritual connection. You shared an emotional one.

Whether or not you were ready for it, and whether or not you wanted it, was no longer of consequence. Because it already existed.

Your hands trembled as they moved over the back of his neck. The dark power continued to roll through you as you kissed him. It felt like pure courage. It felt like stability. It felt like home. It felt like your future.

It felt like freedom.

You felt the imprisoned emotion demand to be freed. You couldn’t hold it in any longer, and you wouldn’t. You pulled away from the kiss and looked into his eyes.

“I love you.”

You exhaled slowly as the words left your lips. You braced yourself for the nerves, but they never came. You felt strangely liberated.

You loved him. It felt like a secret that you’d finally shared. It felt like a truth that you’d finally resonated with.

You felt free.

You ran your hands down his chest slowly as you stared into his hazel eyes. You started to tremble lightly as the adrenaline began to taper off. The corners of his mouth twitched upward slightly as you watched various emotions roll over his strained expression. You tried to push into his mind again, but the bridge had closed. You started at him intently.

Silence followed.

“Kylo, I said I lov—”

You were interrupted as the ship suddenly rumbled to life. You gripped the side of the shelf as the Command Shuttle lurched out of the hangar. You fell forward from the momentum and the Commander caught you in his arms. He pulled you into him closely, securing you tightly to his chest as the ship jumped to lightspeed.

You listened to his elevated heartrate as he held you against him. You stood in silence for a moment before you wiggled out of his arms.

Before you could speak, he moved to open the door. “We should go…” He cleared his throat as he looked at the floor. “We will be there soon, and you still need a weapon…”

You felt tears sting the corners of your eyes as you looked at him. You had felt his emotion just then. It had been the same as yours. Had you misunderstood?

Did he not love you?

Your hands trembled as you looked down at them. You tried to match his tone. “Y-Yes, Commander…”

You saw his mouth twitch slightly like he was going to speak. But instead, he turned and slipped out of the doorway.

“Kylo, wait…” You called after him quietly.

He moved back into the closet almost too quickly. He rushed in and leaned forward, pulling you into his arms again. You laid your head against his chest and waited.

You could feel the battle inside of him. He wanted to speak. You could feel it. So what was he waiting on?

Nearly a minute passed, and he said nothing. Anger boiled up in your soul again, quickly overpowering the impending sadness. You twisted out of his embrace and picked up his helmet off the floor. You cleared your throat as you passed it to him aggressively, pushing it into his chest.

“You forgot this…” You mumbled as you pushed passed him. His face fell as he rolled the mask over in his hands.

“Kyber, don’t…” He sighed; his voice faded off as he failed to form the sentence. The moment had passed.

"You’re right, Commander…” You paused in the doorway, trying to keep your tone even. “…I do still need a weapon.”

You moved out of the closet quickly, leaving him standing alone with the mask in his hands. You breathed deeply as you walked up the corridor, trying to close the bottlecap on your emotions.

What did you expect? Of course he didn’t love you back. But strangely, you still felt liberated. You had told him how you felt. What happened next was not up to you. It was up to him.

You pushed down the tears as you climbed the stairs, rushing through the narrow hallway that led to large cockpit. You entered the red room and looked over the Knights as they loitered around the space.

You spotted Ap’lek in the back corner and moved to stand beside him. “Ap, I need a favor.” You whispered, still trying to mask your emotion.

“Anything, Kid.” He looked up at you through the heavy, metal mask. “What’s up?”

“I need a weapon for the mission…” You shrugged. “I thought you might have a recommendation.”

He chuckled and stood up quickly. You followed him out of the cockpit and down the narrow staircase as he led you to a small room near the entryway of the ship. You tried not to swivel your head as you walked the corridor. You didn’t want to run into the Commander again…not yet anyway.

He opened the room and led you inside. You gasped as you looked around the large, dressing-room type space. It resembled a walk-in closet, but instead of garments, weapons hung over every square inch of the white walls.

“What is this place?” You whispered.

“The ammunition room.” He watched you take it all in. “In case we ever need to restock.” He pushed your shoulder lightly. “This one is shit though. You should see the one on our ship…it's three times this size.”

“You guys are insane…” You shook your head as you eyed the surplus of violent tools. “I fucking love it.”

“Well, tell me then…” He chuckled. “What kind of weapon did you have in mind?” He motioned around the room. “Would you like to shoot? Or stab, or slice, or hammer, or chop, or--”

He continued speaking, but his voice faded away in your consciousness. You gazed over the room and let your mind slip back to Kylo Ren.

You loved him.

And he didn’t love you…

As you eyed the weapons around you, your former sadness transformed into new wrath that you quickly converted into power. You smiled darkly as you felt it spool around your fingertips. As you wrapped yourself in the darkness, you felt something else.

Total freedom.

You were no longer bound to the violent emotion that had been devouring your soul. You’d said it out loud. You’d claimed it as truth and now you could put it in the past.

And let it die.

Kylo Ren could manipulate your body. He could manipulate your mind. He could manipulate your will. But he was done manipulating your heart.

He either loved you, or he didn’t. Either way you were free. Free from the emotional prison that you’d built for yourself. You breathed deeply as you stood in the ambiance of your revelation. Your heart was yours again. There was nothing more to hide.

You toyed with the power in your hands, rolling it over your fingers silently as you let your resentment build. You worked back and forth, converting your anger into power and then shifting the power back into anger.

For the first time, you realized you craved the coming conflict.

You wanted violence. You wanted blood. You wanted to make them feel how you felt. You knew the dark freedom came at a price. You knew you needed to feed the rage that boiled inside of you.

You took another deep breath as you interrupted Ap’lek’s long list of options.

“I want to kill someone.” You spoke calmly.

You stared at the shiny metal around you. You walked over to the wall and let your hands trace over the weapons. “I want to fucking kill someone.” You titled your head slightly as you ran your finger along the blade of the closest knife. “And I don’t care how…”

You pressed your middle finger against the sharp blade intentionally. You didn’t even flitch as it cut through your smooth skin like butter. You couldn’t feel the pain. You looked at your finger and watched curiously as the blood ran down your hand and wrist, dripping onto the white, marble floor.

Each drop of blood that splashed against the smooth, cold surface represented a piece of yourself that you were letting go. A piece of yourself that you were sacrificing to the darkness that seduced you. You wondered briefly how much of yourself would be left by the time Kylo Ren was done with you.

Would your entire being be condensed to a red puddle on his marble floor?

You picked up the small knife and turned it over in your palm, watching intently as the drops of blood rolled down the blade like rainwater.

You grabbed a utility belt from the wall and latched it around your waist and thigh, clipping the knife to it. You selected a random blaster and slipped it into the holster on your thigh.

“I’ll take these…” You whispered to yourself, still caught up in the weight of your thoughts. “…and something else…” You turned to Ap’lek slowly as you looked around the room one last time.

“Uh…” He fidgeted, visibly uneasy about what he’d just witnessed. “L-Like what?”

As he spoke, you felt the ship shimmy as it exited lightspeed. You smirked and wiped the blood from your hand onto your tunic.

It was time to stop playing games with the power you held. You wanted to harness it. Live in it like the Commander did. You wanted to let the past die, and your vulnerability with it. As you felt the ship begin its descent, you knew it was time to put your resurrected freedom to the test.

“Captain…” Ap’lek’s voice was cautious as he addressed you formally for the first time. He jerked his head to the wall. “What else do you want?”

You shrugged as you basked in the invisible, dark shadow that surrounded you.

It didn’t fucking matter.

You already had everything you needed.

“Dealer’s choice…” You whispered over your shoulder as you walked out of the room.

***guys I am dead on the ground rn. HOW WE FEELING?


	19. Chains

**TW**: NSFW!! Blood warning, fighting, things on fire, torture kind of, definitely murder in this one, NSFW, you will absolutely get fired, discussion of grooming, choking but not in the hot way, actually it's still hot who am I kidding, kylo throws us into a wall, emotional manipulation but not really anymore, emotional distress, men are assholes, WOMEN are assholes, sexual harassment jokes kind of, slightly more than problematic, force use, kylo makes us sad but also happy, we make kylo sad but also happy, this one will also have you questioning if you've ever actually loved anyone, I cried writing this one AGAIN, absolutely got chills, why do I do this to myself, this story has fucked up my life, we are in love, we kind of fight, get ready to be uncomfortable, abandonment issues, my therapist is low-key is getting into the story now and liked this chapter a lot, y/n is a baddie in this one again, she is hot af so if you're hetero you may have some BIPANIC again, at least I did, steer clear if you struggle with toxic relationships/sexual situations that come from toxicity, he continues to fuck us up emotionally, but we fuck him up emotionally, kylo and y/n may or may not be slowly loosing their minds, this one is hard emotionally but very rewarding emotionally no spoilers tho, probably some secondhand embarrassment here, definitely some daddy issues, pretty sure a praise kink is developing, there is a ton of self reflection here, but people die and we don't care, bloodlust for sure, kylo will actually come through but it is sad somehow, he is trying his best, this chapter is SPICY but the kind of spice that makes you feel things in your dead soul, it will probably awaken emotions inside of you, after reading this one your normal life will never be enough sorry, you may want to delete your ex's number before reading this, put your phone on airplane mode for your own good, don't text them, they will never be kylo, prepare to cry, grab your squishmallows and please drink water...

AN: *This chapter really should've been two. It is literally 16,000 words. I thought about splitting it up, but you guys have been so patient with me over the past few weeks, I decided to give you an extra special surprise and finish it as one big one! This one is THE MOST IMPORTANT one for Kylo up to this point. This is really the culmination of his character development and we finally get a look at his overall motivations/feelings.

**There will be multiple POV changes in this chapter! Please pay attention to the headers.

***The song for this chapter (only the second half really) is... 'Bound to You' by Christina Aguilera (from the Burlesque soundtrack). This song really hits for the last part of the chapter when they are on the ship. I promise if you listen to it during/after you finish reading that part you will cry.

IMPORTANT: If you're watching my movie without the score, you're doing yourself a huge injustice. The soundtrack for this book is on Spotify! This is the link. It is also posted on my Wattpad page a little ways down, under "Conversations" 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3KrqpKWgN7VxFV0p96dcZx?si=qRcSwkCaTcaY6aTKphfSAA&nd=1

****PS: If you're still reading this on AO3, wrud lol....it is so much better on Wattpad because I can use italics and such! This formatting confuses me. 

*****WHEW THAT'S ALL! This chapter is so special to me. I hope you like it as much as I do. PLEASE comment and let me know your thoughts as you go! I haven't heard from you guys in weeks and I miss you! <3 Happy reading! END AN*

You took a few steps out into the hallway and moved to the closest window. The surface of Tatooine was approaching quickly.

You could see the structure of buildings through the low-level clouds in the distance. The shuttle was moving over the borders of the settlement, quickly approaching a smaller village resting on the outskirts of Mos Eisley.

You felt your heart skip as a random ship hissed by the window of the shuttle, flying out of the village and shooting up into the clouds. You noticed a few unmarked transport ships in the distance quickly preparing for departure. The transports looked familiar, like the one you’d seen outside of Chandrila.

The Resistance.

They were here? You heart skipped. This was more than just a few fugitives.

As you neared the settlement, you could see the chaos already unfolding on the surface. A handful of ships were lifting off of the ground and maneuvering out of the way of the Command Shuttle.

An evacuation?

Black smoke rose through the sky and up into the overcast cloud layer, filling the atmosphere with a dark gray mist. From your vantage point, the small village appeared to be on fire. Dozens of huts were engulfed in bright, orange flames and the red glow of blaster shots filtered over the gray haze.

You saw that a handful of First Order transports had already landed on the surface and stormtroopers were already engaged with hostiles on the ground.

Your adrenaline pulsed when you saw the X-Wings. To your relief, you counted less than a dozen. You hooked the earpiece around your ear and turned it on.

“Ok, gentlemen.” You steadied your voice. “It’s time. Targets spotted. Engage at will.” You tried to keep your nerves out of your tone. “How do you read me?”

The sound of your squad filtered into your ears as they responded over the frequency.

“Loud and clear.”

“Copy.”

“We hear you, boss.”

“There she is…”

Against your will, the last voice sent an unwelcome jolt to your heart.

You watched the Resistance shuttles depart ahead. “It looks like we have some runners. If they’re evacuating, the fighters may just be protecting the transports.” You considered the likelihood of the Resistance calling in reinforcements. If they were truly running away, it was unlikely.

“Remember, if you get in the weeds…return to base immediately.”

The familiar voices bounced back over the earpiece.

“Roger that, Cap.”

“Wilco.”

“We aren’t pussies, Ky.”

“Well not all of us…”

“Meowww.”

“Fuck you guys.”

“No thanks, Tomcat.”

“Wait. Are we not going to talk about how she just choked Hux?”

“Yeah Ky, how the fuck did you do that?”

“Are you going to choke us if we mess up?”

“Gods, I hope so.”

“Mess up…got it.”

“Watch it...” Avery spoke up for the first time.

“Kidding, Ace…”

“I bet she already choked Mag—”

“Thereeee it is.”

“Too far, Tom…”

You rolled your eyes. Gods…they were fucking annoying.

But in some strange way, it made you feel good to know they still saw you as you. They still hazed you like you were one of them. Even after all the drama you’d brought into their lives, they still joked with you, they still stood by you, they still loved you…

You stifled a smile and shook your head as you looked out of the window. You watched your ships parallel the Command Shuttle, flying in a tight formation as you approached the village.

Listening to their familiar banter pulled you from your dark haze slightly. They made you feel different, almost normal again. You cut off their chatter and switched frequencies quickly. You radioed the Command Center on Starkiller, requesting the dispatch of an extra legion to back up your team.

The reserve TIE’s would at least help your squad with the numbers. Even if the extra pilots weren’t trained, you liked your odds better with another squadron on site to assist.

The Command Center approved your request immediately and informed you the additional TIE’s were enroute. You switched back to your squad’s commlink, interrupting their random squabble.

“Guys, heads up. I called in the reserves. They’re on the way.”

“Oh, come on.”

“We haven’t even started yet.”

“Have a little faith, Kyber.”

“We don’t need them.”

“I hate those fuckers.”

“No, no we’re happy about this.” Tom’s voice stood out; his nerves were obvious. “Thanks, boss.”

“Pussy. No, we aren’t happy.”

“Fuck you, Mag.”

“Damn reserves. Let’s just shoot them ourselves.”

“I’m in.”

“Target practice, I like it.”

You felt your irritation build quickly. The anger still festering in your soul snapped you out of your temporary haze, pulling you back into the heavy darkness that surrounded your spirit.

“If you morons don’t shut the fuck up, I’m replacing every single one of you and throwing your asses on reserve.” You lowered your tone. “Go do your job and don’t speak on this frequency against unless it’s an emergency.”

Silence followed.

You looked out the window and watched as your ships moved away from the Command Shuttle. You could almost see the outline of your pilots as the formation broke out over the village.

You took a deep breath as you felt the Command Shuttle move into a landing configuration. Looking down at the ground below, you let your eyes wash over the burning town. You spotted dozens of stormtroopers firing from behind debris and charging into groups of lingering Resistance fighters.

You smiled darkly to yourself.

It was time.

The ship touched down in the middle of the conflict. You heard the sound of large bodies moving swiftly behind you as the Knights stormed down from the cockpit. You fell in behind them silently and stood in the back beside Ap’lek as you waited for the shuttle door to open.

“You said dealer’s choice, right?” He nudged you on the shoulder and held out a metal baton about two feet in length. “I think you’ll like this.”

You watched as he flicked the baton through the air. It extended significantly, lengthening out into a long, glistening spear. Your eyes widened. You’d seen one like this before, but only once.

On Captain Phasma.

“In honor of this morning, when you kicked my ass…” He paused to clarify. “…by cheating.” He chuckled as he handed the weapon to you. “I thought a spear would be appropriate. This one is just a little…upgrade.”

“I didn’t cheat, I just improvised.” You smiled at Ap’lek and took the spear from him. “Am I as scary as Phasma now?” You rolled it around in your palm.

“No.” He shook his head. “…you’re scarier.”

You smirked up at him. “Damn, righ—”

Your words were cut off by the sound of the heavy boots behind you. You didn’t turn around. You knew who it was.

“Ap’lek…” The Commander’s voice was modulated through the helmet. “You’re staying on the ship with her.”

You felt the blood in your body drain down to your toes. You spun around to face him.

“What are you talking about?” You tried to push down the feelings from the last hour that bubbled up inside as you looked at the familiar mask. “You said I could come with you!”

“That was before the severity of the conflict was revealed.” He breathed. “It isn’t just a treasure hunt now. We’ve caught the Resistance on their way out. There are more hostiles than expected.” He took a step closer to you. “I won’t risk it. You’re staying on the ship.”

“The fuck I am!” You glared up at him. The Knights shifted slightly as you raised your voice.

“I’m going, Kylo.” You fumed. “You can’t tell me what to do anymo—"

As you spoke, the Commander’s hand snapped out and grabbed you by the front of your vest. He jerked you around swiftly and pressed you against the closest circuit panel. As he spun you around, you dropped the spear and watched it roll into the corner.

“You will obey me, and you will stay on this fucking ship.” He spat. “Do you understand?”

You shook your head and tried to reach out to him in your mind, but the channel was closed. He felt different now. Somehow closed off.

Inaccessible.

The door to the Command Shuttle lowered behind him and the Knights began to march out quickly. Only Ap’lek stayed behind. You felt angry tears spring to your eyes as you watched them leave.

“Captain…” The Commander snarled and shook you aggressively by the front of your shirt. “Fucking answer me.”

“No!” You snapped at him. “No, I don’t understand.”

He jerked his hand away as he pushed you backwards into the wall. You winced as your head smacked against the panel. He mumbled inaudibly to himself as he turned to walk down the ramp.

“Stay with her.” He pointed at Ap’lek. “If anything happens to her, I’m holding you responsible.”

“Yes, Commander.” Ap’lek nodded.

You felt your frustration morph into hurt as the Commander walked down the ramp swiftly, not bothering to look at back you. You felt rejection settle down deep inside of you. It sank over your spirit with surprising force.

Why was he acting like this? Was it because you’d told him how you felt?

You narrowed your eyes as you thought through the interaction. You still didn’t regret what you’d said. You still felt free. You only wished he would have said something back. He didn’t have to say he loved you. You didn’t need that from him. But you did need something to let you know how he felt.

Something. Anything.

You almost wished that he had been angry with you. At least then you could have concluded that he didn’t feel the same way. His silence was infuriating. His attitude was infuriating.

Fuck this. You weren’t staying on the ship to wallow in your feelings. What did you have to lose?

You looked over at Ap’lek. “We both know I’m not actually staying on the ship.”

“Yes…” His normally playful voice was surprisingly stern. “…you are, Captain.”

You shook your head. “No, I’m not.”

He pushed himself off of the wall and lumbered towards you slowly. “Yes. You are.”

“So that’s it then?” You felt anger flash through you. “We’re friends until your boss says otherwise?”

“Chill, Kid.” His tone was gentle, but still stern. “Unlike you, I don’t have the privilege of getting away with disobeying him…”

You leaned back against the wall casually as he stopped a few feet in front of you.

“I don’t get away with anything…” You rolled your eyes. “He beats the shit out of me whenever I disobey him.”

“I’ve seen him do worse for less.” Ap’lek’s tone was eerily neutral. “If you were anyone else, you’d already be dead.”

You narrowed your gaze. Something about what he said didn’t sit right with you. You couldn’t put your finger on what it was, but it made you uncomfortable.

“That may be so…” You sighed as you moved off the wall. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m still not staying on the ship.”

“Then I’ll make you.” He shrugged as he moved closer. “I don’t want too, but I will.”

You felt the warm energy move through you swiftly. You extended your palm, commanding the spear to move through the air and into your open hand.

“Haven’t we done this already today?” You smirked at him. “Can we just skip to the part where you let me go, and then follow along reluctantly?”

“No, Ma’am…” He cracked his knuckles. “I want a rematch anyway--”

As he moved towards you, a loud bang echoed through the ship. The lights flickered as the shuttle rocked in place. You heard the ground rumble as people approached from outside.

He straightened up and held out his hand, signaling you to be still. He moved quietly to the ramp and walked down, disappearing below it. You heard the sound of basters and shouting, followed by the thud of boots scrambling on the ground outside.

As you waited, your adrenaline threatened to rip your heart from your chest. After a few moments of listening to the conflict below, you tightened your grip on the spear and moved gradually down the ramp.

The noise from the battle filled your ears instantly as you descended into the madness. Smoke floated around you as you scanned the bottom of the ship. You saw Ap’lek directly in front of you, fighting serval men at once.

You looked down and saw a group of bodies directly at your feet.

They must have been trying to commandeer the ship.

But Ap’lek had made quick work of them.

As you let your gaze fall over the burning village, you saw dozens more armed men fighting the stormtroopers. Looking up into the sky, you could see the outline of ships zooming in and out of the low-level clouds. The blaster shots from their targeting systems filled the gray clouds with spurts of colorful lightening that radiated over the battlefield.

Pulling your eyes from the sky, you inspected the hostiles in front of you. To your surprise, the fighters appeared to be a mix of local militia and Resistance fighters. Some had blasters, and some had handheld weapons, but they all appeared to be fighting on the same side.

Your mind tried to unravel the scene before you. People from the village had risen up against the First Order? Why would they help the Resistance? That didn’t make any sense…

You were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of an explosion overhead. You looked up to see an X-Wing fall from the sky and crash into the ground about a hundred yards away from the Command Shuttle. The ship impacted the surface in a ball of flames that shot out from all sides as the metal folded into the ground.

One of your TIEs zoomed overhead behind the falling ship, before shooting back up into the clouds. You felt a smile spread to your lips as you looked back up in the sky.

You held your hand to your ear, engaging the earpiece. “Nice shot…”

“Thanks, Cap!”

“Oh, so we can talk to you again?”

You sighed. “No. Get a few more and then maybe you can talk.”

“How many?”

“Yeah, how many?”

“Fucking all of them.” You snapped over the frequency.

You felt your power surge as you walked the rest of the way down the ramp to the surface. You finally got a full view of your surroundings. Anger flooded into your body as you watched the fighters advance on Ap’lek.

“Hey, Ap…” You shouted. “Need a hand?”

He tucked his shoulder into the closest man and pushed him to the ground, quickly spinning around and plunging his axe into another. He rotated towards you.

“No. Get back on the fucking ship.” He spat. “Now.”

He grunted as the small group of men continued to move around him. You sighed and began to walk back up the ramp but paused as you saw one of the fighters line up behind him with a blaster.

“Behind you!” You yelled and extended your hand simultaneously, using the Force to rip the blaster from the fighter’s grip.

Ap’lek turned around and cut you curious look as an additional band of fighters approached the ship.

“Fine.” He snapped. “Get your ass out here.” He rotated around as he shouted at you, tossing two men to the ground in the process. “But stay close.”

You smirked and ran towards him, your adrenaline feeding the power inside. You backed up to Ap’lek as the small militia approached. You took a deep breath and reached out, tapping into the energy around you.

Pushing your palm forward, you threw the closest bunch of men into the side of the Command Shuttle. You flipped the spear over in your hand as you met the eyes of a fighter approaching from your left.

You tried to steady your heart rate as he neared you. You reached deep down into your soul and connecting with the rage that burned inside. You remembered how you had felt in the ammunition room. You remembered the darkness that had claimed your mind.

You searched for it again and found it easily.

Your hate. Your passion. Your fire. You harnessed the emotion. Grabbing hold of it, you let it wash over you again. Smirking, you tilted the spear towards the man. He looked you up and down and mirrored your expression.

He moved on you swiftly, darting towards you and reaching out to grab the spear from your hand. You ducted underneath his arm, grabbing it and twisting it behind his back, just like Ap’lek had taught you. Tightening your grip, you pulled him closer to you.

You looked into his eyes as you pushed the spear through his chest. You felt his warm blood roll down your neck as you pulled the weapon out. Pushing his body to the ground, you tilted your head as you looked down at him.

You had shot down ships before, and probably killed a few people in the process, but this was the first time you’d ever killed someone with your own hands.

It was the first time you’d ever watched the light leave someone’s eyes.

You felt the corners of your lips turn up as you stared down at the body. You had the power to control someone else’s destiny. To extend them life, or to take it. Control rolled through you at the realization.

Your head snapped up quickly as more men approached. You fought beside Ap’lek, trying your best to match his pace. He helped ease you into the fight by controlling the volume of men that got to you. You never had to take on more than one at a time. You felt yourself fall into a natural rhythm as you ran your spear through them. The adrenaline and the rage numbed your mind.

You felt nothing.

Your weapon caught on the heavy fabric of your vest, ripping a large hole through it. You grunted in frustration.

This fucking outfit. How did he wear it every day?

It got in the way of your movements and hung off your body like dead weight. You huffed as you pulled the layered vest off. You used it to clean your weapon and threw it to the ground. Your movement was freed up significantly in just the undershirt, but the heavy fabric still weighed you down.

You pushed away your discomfort and tried to focus on the task at hand. You concentrated on finding your center, tapping into the power inside of you as you fought beside Ap’lek.

You felt yourself slipping deeper into the dark as the mysterious energy surged through you. With each push of the weapon you felt your strength build. With each splash of blood that covered your body, you felt your own blood thicken.

The rejection you had felt earlier was gone and had been replaced with powerful acceptance. The darkness didn’t reject you. It folded you into a deep embrace. It felt like heavy chains had been draped around your body, latching you to the dark force with an unbreakable bond.

You stopped counting the bodies as you slowly moved away from Ap’lek. You felt the blackness pull you forwards, the wild adrenaline pushing you towards more. You jerked your head around, searching for more men. You spotted a few through the smoke. One aimed his blaster at you and fired.

You saw it coming before it happened. You felt it coming before it happened. You moved to the side as the shot grazed over your shoulder, burning through the top of your shirt.

You made eye contact with the men. Looking over their uniforms you spotted the Resistance symbol sown onto their jackets. You tilted your head slightly. Reaching into their minds, you felt everything from them. You felt their surprise, their anger, their disbelief…But most importantly, you felt their fear.

They were afraid of you.

You smiled darkly and began walking towards them through the smoke. They scrambled and ran away from you, dispersing quickly through the debris.

Ap’lek noticed you walking away from the ship. “Where the fuck are you going?” He yelled behind you.

You barely heard him as you moved slowly into the burning village. You dodged several blasts, but allowed a couple to graze over your body, not feeling the pain. Stormtroopers and random fighters moved around you as you weaved in and out of the rubble slowly.

You stopped in the middle of the carnage and closed your eyes. Your senses dialed and focused in on the sensations around you.

You could smell the fire as it engulfed the huts. The exhaust from the aircraft above mixed with the toxicity of the smoke, burning through your nostrils and covering the area in a charred odor.

The sounds of the conflict sank over you like a weighted blanket. You heard the blasters firing, the men yelling, the aircraft buzzing overhead, the screams of the villagers as they fled their homes.

You felt the heat from the flames, the wetness of the blood that had soaked through your clothes. You didn’t even have to reach out to feel the emotion of the struggle around you. You felt the collective anger and fear of the Resistance as they struggled to evacuate. You felt the dedication of the stormtroopers, their insistent need for validation and loyalty.

Everything wove together into an angry tapestry of balance. How had you lived without it? How had you lived your whole life without this feeling? Without this power? You’d had it inside of you and never understood it. How had you finally found it?

You knew the answer.

Kylo Ren.

He’d shown you the darkness in himself. He’d shared it with you subtly, passively…seductively. He’d shown you glimpses of your potential. He had secretly divided you into smaller pieces of yourself and put you back together in a different form.

You weren’t the same person you used to be, and you’d never be her again. As long as this power existed, you would never be the same. As long as he existed, you would never be the same.

Even without him by your side, you’d never felt more powerful, more in control. But somehow, you felt as though you were still only scratching the surface of what the darkness had to offer. You pushed yourself harder, pressing back against the dark side of the Force, inviting it deeper, begging it to consume you, to give you more.

Another blast whizzed past your ear, sending a strong draft of wind over your neck, pulling some of your hair out of the braid and throwing it over your face. As the strands of hair brushed over your lips, you heard a voice in your mind.

A new voice. It was masculine in tenor but sounded old and ancient. The tone was sinister and low. It called to you from somewhere far away.

“You’re ready for more, Child?” It laughed lowly.

The nature of the mystery voice was dark and twisted. Something about it was familiar, like you’d heard it before somewhere.

You let it in.

“I’ll ask again.” The words sank into your soul this time, rebounding through your body like a sharp pellet. “Are you ready for more?”

Chills ran down your spine as you stood under the cold voice. Its energy was intense. Dark and unfamiliar. The strength of the conviction behind the tone made you uncomfortable.

But could it really give you more?

“Yes.” You whispered out loud. “I’m ready.”

“Then it’s time.”

“Time for what?” You breathed. “Who are you?”

You stood in silence for a few moments. No response came.

The dark voice had left your subconscious as quickly as it had come, but even without the formidable presence, you felt the power it had left behind. Its energy was stronger than any you’d felt before. Maybe even stronger than Kylo’s…

Could the owner of the voice really give you more power?

You should have been afraid, but the new energy filtered down into your own, strengthening the power you already held. As you harnessed the new connection, you suddenly realized why you weren’t afraid.

You couldn’t feel the fear, because you couldn’t feel anything. You couldn’t feel anything outside of your own power. You couldn’t feel anything outside of your own anger, your own desire, your own passion. You smiled as you opened your eyes. Your skill was experimental and unchallenged, but you felt matchless. You felt incomparable. You felt fucking untouchable.

The energy around you changed subtly. Turning your head, you spotted a small group of Resistance members approaching you confidently.

“Are you lost?” One of the men shouted and laughed to himself as he stepped towards you. “You’re not a trooper…” He looked down your form, letting his eyes linger on your outfit. “Did you get on the wrong shuttle, honey?”

Familiar rage flashed through you, pushing your power to a new place. It felt like it was nearly tangible, nearly visible to the naked eye. You were surprised they couldn’t see it.

Maybe they could if they weren’t so fucking stupid.

You smirked and hardened your expression.

“I think so…” You whispered as you moved your hand through the air. You lifted the man off his feet and threw him into the closest burning hut. As his body fell into the flames, you turned your head and made eye contact with the other two men, you smiled and waved them closer.

They looked at one another in horror and darted away. You titled your head as you watched them run. They looked like mice, scurrying away from a predator. You fought down a giggle.

How quickly their opinion of you had changed…

You reached out and stopped them in midair, pulling them around with the Force to face you. You watched panic fall over their faces as you neared them slowly.

You fed off their terror like it was fuel. It didn’t take you long to realize moving gradually was better for harvesting their fear. With each slight step you took, you could feel the increase of their heartrate. You couldfeel the surge of their pulse as their blood pressure rose aggressively.

The world around you faded as you moved closer to them. You tuned out your surroundings. The sound of the battle, the sound of the frequency buzzing in your earpiece, the presence of the stormtroopers, the feeling of eyes beginning to turn towards you, you cut it all out of your consciousness.

Nothing existed.

You flipped the spear over in your hand and neared the closest man. He was fairly young, you guessed about your own age. You sucked on your teeth as you walked up to him, lowering him slightly to meet your eye level.

Reaching out, you brushed your fingers over the Resistance symbol on his jacket. He flinched under your touch. Your eyes lit up as you watched him squirm in front of you.

“Shhh…” You whispered.

You remembered the mission briefly. The Commander was looking for a drive. You told him you could help, and you wanted to prove it. These men were with the Resistance. This was your chance to get information.

“I’m not lost…” You looked into his anxious eyes. “But I am looking for something…”

You softened your expression and moved your hand to touch his face lightly. He shook below your hand as you pressed the spear against his side. You moved your face closer to his.

“Maybe we can help each other, hm?”

He flared his nostrils. “F-Fuck you, bitch.” He sucked on his cheek and spit on the side of your face.

You sighed as you moved your hand to your cheek, wiping away the spit. You looked at your fingers before wiping them on his jacket. Shaking your head, you grabbed the back of his neck aggressively and brought your face up to his.

You smiled at him darkly as you pushed the spear deep into his chest. He gasped as the sharp blade pierced his skin. You stroked his face gently as you watched the life drain from his eyes. “I don’t think I’m your type...” You whispered into his ear as you pulled the spear from his torso, pushing his body to the ground.

The second man screamed as he watched his friend fall to the earth. He was older than the first. Slight wrinkles framed his pained expression as he began to shake under your hold.

“He didn’t seem helpful…” You snapped your head towards the second man. “But you…” You shrugged. “…you seem very helpful.” You looked down at the blood coated weapon and wiped it on the bottom of your tunic.

Turning towards the second man, you released him from your hold and lowered him to his feet lightly. He dropped to his knees beside the first fighter’s body, hyperventilating above it.

“A drive of information was stolen from us…” You paced in front of him. “...and I want it back. That’s all.” You tapped your foot lightly. “Where is it?”

“You’re too late.” He glared up at you, still trying to control his breathing. “It’s long gone.”

“Where did they take it?” You tried to keep your tone neutral despite your building frustration. “Give me a location.”

He began to cry again as he looked down at the body below him.

“I’m losing my patience.” You snapped. “Where is the fucking drive?”

“I don’t know…” He sobbed. “I’m just a technician. I don’t know where they took it.”

“Then where did they evacuate to?” You spat. “You know that much.”

He hesitated. “I-I don’t know….”

He was lying. You felt his heart rate increase under your gaze. You swiped your hand through the air and pulled him to his feet again. He winced as you tightened your grip around him.

An idea crossed your mind. You didn’t know if you could do it. But it was worth a try…

“This is your last chance to tell me what you know…” You glared at him. “Or I’ll take it myself.”

His eyes widened as he looked at you, but he didn’t speak.

“Fine.” You shrugged. “Have it your way.” You flicked the spear, shrinking it back down to its compact size, you slipped it in the belt around your waist.

You closed your eyes and centered yourself again, extending your palm towards the man, you reached out into his mind. You felt his emotion instantly. That was easy to access, but you wanted more. You wanted his thoughts, his memory.

You pushed harder, digging into his mind with everything you had. You felt him squirm under your hold. He cried out in pain as you pried through his consciousness forcefully.

You could see bits and pieces of dialogue. Recent memories and recent conversations, but you couldn’t focus. You couldn’t organize what you were seeing. You explored the newfound power, probing his thoughts as you tried to concentrate. You couldn’t figure out how to isolate a certain topic from his memory.

You sighed angrily as you pulled yourself from his mind.

Fuck…that was hard.

He was gasping in front of you, tears rolled down his face as he tried to regain control over his thoughts.

“Sorry about that…” You moved closer to him. “I’m new to this…” You admitted smugly. “But let’s try again, shall we?”

“No.” His head snapped up violently as his chest heaved visibly. “No please, please…”

“Ok…” You raised your eyebrows. “Then tell me where they went.” You felt his defeat before he spoke. You had broken him. “Fucking say it.” You snapped.

“I-I don’t know the exact planet…” He sobbed. “I-I’ve never been there before; I’ve only ever worked here…”

You lowered him to his feet so that he could speak easily.

“B-But I know the system…” His legs wobbled below him as he dropped to his knees. You could tell he was nervous and embarrassed. Disappointed with himself.

He flinched as you moved closer to him. You knelt down beside him and brought your hand to his shoulder. “Tell me…” You softened your tone.

“T-The Ileenium system…” He sighed as he looked at his hands. “It’s in the Ileenium system, on the Outer Rim…”

You nodded slowly. He was telling the truth. You could feel it. “Thank you…” You murmured, processing the information. “…for your corporation.”

You stood up to walk away from him, but he stopped you, calling out to you quietly. “W-Who are you?” He whispered as he looked up.

You looked down into his defeated eyes and felt a strange feeling move over you. Who were you? You had no fucking clue how to answer that. You decided not to.

“Get out of here.” You glared down at him. “Now.”

He nodded aggressively and scurried away, disappearing behind the neighboring hut.

As you looked up to watch him leave, you finally allowed your senses to reengage, pulling you back into the moment. The flames from the village had died down slightly and the smoke that filtered through the air was thinner now. The sounds of the conflict had faded and had left behind an eerie silence.

You let your eyes scan the area around you. Bodies littered the ground, draping over the soil and wreckage like fallen leaves. As your gaze moved up, you noticed the reason for the shift in energy.

The battle had ended, but the surviving Stormtroopers lingered behind. They were grouped together near the closet transport but hadn’t boarded it. They were staring at you.

Dozens of them.

You turned your head. Through the thinning smoke, you could see the Command Shuttle in the distance. You spotted the outline of the Knights as they watched you silently from the ramp.

The Knights were back? Did that mean…

“I told you to stay on the ship.”

Your heart skipped as you heard his deep, electronic voice. You pivoted around to see the Commander standing only a few yards behind you.

How long had he been there? How much had he seen?

You felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise as he took slow, deliberate steps towards you. The darkness inside you diminished slightly under his intense stare. You struggled to keep the power at your fingertips, trying your best to suppress your emotion.

“I’m not afraid of you anymore.” You snapped at him.

He looked you up and down slowly. You could feel the wheels turning in his mind as he contemplated something. Assessing you quickly, he reached out his hand and brushed it over your singed undershirt.

“You should be…” He mumbled to himself. He began to walk away, but hesitated as he looked you over. “Are you hurt?” His voice was strained, guarded somehow.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. For the first time since exiting the shuttle, you allowed yourself to feel the condition of your body.

You felt exhausted. Mentally and physically. Your body burned where the blaster shots had grazed you and your head pounded painfully in your skull. You looked yourself up and down, letting your eyes fall over your own body. You were coated in blood. It covered your neck and chest and had soaked through the torn, black undershirt. You must have looked worse than you felt.

You felt drained, but you weren’t injured.

“I don’t think so…” You whispered as you looked yourself over.

He exhaled audibly and turned away from you without warning. He stormed off in the direction of the Command Shuttle.

“Wait…” You followed behind him. “I know where they went!” You sped up your pace to walk beside him. “If we hurry, maybe we can track some of the last ships—”

Ships.

You came to a brisk stop, gasping as you spoke.

Fuck. Your ships.

You looked up into the sky, scanning the low clouds for the fleet. You moved your hand to the earpiece, engaging the frequency.

“Status update.” You snapped as you waited anxiously.

Silence lingered over the radio for what seemed like an eternity before it crackled to life.

“No offense, Captain, but you should have stayed in the Command Center.”

The voices buzzed in your ear.

“Yeah, thanks for ditching us.”

“But did you see that shit?”

“You fucking missed out, Ky.”

Tears jumped to your eyes as you took a silent roll call in your head. You tried to keep your composure.

“Status update.” You repeated.

Avery responded.

“Six targets destroyed, two de-stabilized, and the rest jumped to lightspeed behind the transports.”

You smiled as you took in the information. It had worked. Everything you’d planned to teach them had worked. They could take on the Resistance and whatever you’d sacrificed along the way had been worth it.

“How’s the fleet?” You asked anxiously.

“Eh…”

“Listen, we tried our best and that’s all that matters.”

“At the end of the day…we’re alive, right?”

Silence followed. 

“Fine. It’s Tom’s fault.”

“Yeah, Tom is a shit wingman.”

“No, you’re a shit lead.”

“You’re a pussy.”

“Fuck you. It wasn’t my fault.”

“Everybody shut up.” You spat as you shook your head, growing irritated again. “How’s the fleet?”

Avery spoke again.

“We took on heavy damage. Numerous aircraft systems offline and massive structural issues across the board.”

You breathed out in relief. You expected this. “Can everyone still make it back to Starkiller?”

They all responded positively.

“Ok, then head back to base and get the ships in maintenance.” You ordered over the coms. “And good job, guys. I’m proud of you.”

You heard them mutter goodbyes and hurl a few last-minute insults to one another before disengaging the frequency.

You smiled as you brought your hand down from your ear. They were fucking morons. But they were your fucking morons.

You looked over at the Commander. He had stopped walking with you.

“I was saying…” You tried to pick up your sentence where you’d left off. “I know where the Resistance base is…well at least the system.”

You followed behind him as he turned back to walk towards the ship.

“It’s in the Ileenium system.” You grabbed his forearm to stop him from walking away. “If we hurry, we can catch them on arrival, maybe pinpoint the exact planet!”

He ignored you and pulled his arm away from your light grip. Moving over to the group of Knights, he spoke to them quietly. Half of them walked away from the group and boarded the nearest stormtrooper transport.

The others moved up into the Command Shuttle and the Commander followed closely behind, leaving you alone at the foot of the ramp.

You narrowed your eyes and tried to contain the hurt that pounded on the door of your resolve as you stormed up the ramp after him.

You watched the Knights climb the stairs to the cockpit, the Commander tight on their heels. You clenched your fists and reached out impulsively, creating an invisible barrier in front of the Commander, separating him from the Knights as they disappeared up the stairs.

He stopped moving as you caught him mid-stride, holding him away from the stairs with your invisible hold. You felt his rapid anger fill the small corridor, his passionate rage flowed through you freely, mixing with your own.

Your heart fluttered slightly.

You could feel him again.

The connection was brief. He pushed back against your barrier, breaking your grip on him easily. He swung himself around and held his hand out towards you. You gasped as your feet slid across the floor, your body closed the distance and traveled into his open hand with no resistance. He gripped your throat with his gloved hand, lifting you up off the floor and pushing you back into the wall.

“You the fuck do you think you are?” He growled at you behind the mask. “Do you really think you can do whatever you want now? Do you really think you’re free from me, Pet?”

You struggled to breathe as he tightened his grip on your neck. He scoffed as he dropped you to your feet, still holding his large hand to your neck, pushing you against the wall with his body.

“Do you have any clue what you’ve just done?” He snapped. “Do you have any clue who you’ve just let in?” His tone dropped significantly. You felt his demeanor change.

“You’ll never be free again.” He shook his head and sighed, letting his voice trail slightly. “I told you to stay on the fucking ship...”

‘Who’ you’d let in? What was he talking about? The new voice? Had he heard it too? You didn’t understand what he was trying to say. You wiggled away from him, your own anger bubbling up out of the hurt that claimed your mind.

“Don’t pretend that you give a shit about my freedom.” You snapped. “I know you don’t.”

He reached up and pulled his mask off, tossing it to the floor beside your feet. Your heartrate increased predictably as you met his eyes. Their deep brown glow held countless shadows. Innumerable burdens floated over his dark pupils.

He had cut you off from his mind. You couldn’t feel his emotion anymore.

But you could see it.

His expression rolled through different phases quickly as he moved the hand on your throat down your neck slowly.

“You’re so oblivious...” He spoke quietly as his hand moved over your collarbone. He brushed his fingers over the dried blood on your chest. “You know nothing…”

Your heart pounded loudly under his gloved fingers. You took a deep breath, trying to regain control over your emotions. The anger inside was becoming harder to control.

“Maybe because you tell me nothing…” You whispered up to him. “I can’t know what you don’t tell me…” The double meaning of your phrase was obvious. You immediately regretted your words. He narrowed his eyes and pulled away from you slightly.

You felt the Command Shuttle rumble to life. You gripped the wall to steady yourself as the ship lifted off of the ground.

“Are we going after the Resistance?” You questioned, changing the subject eagerly.

“We aren’t.” He mumbled as backed away. “I sent some Knights to oversee the search.”

Disappointment floated over you. You’d been looking forward to getting another chance at using your power.

“So then where are we going?”

“The Supremacy…” He muttered.

Your eyes widened. The Supremacy? The Supreme Leader’s ship? You’d heard of it, but you’d never seen it before.

“What?” You whispered in surprise. “Why?”

“Because…” He knelt down and picked up his mask, latching it around his face. The helmet modulated his voice again, masking the emotion behind his tone.

“It’s time…”

___________________________

**KYLO’S POV**

___________________________

Her face scrunched as the words left his lips. She shook her head. Her messy, braided hair fell over her shoulders.

“Time for what?”

He found himself thankful for the mask that covered his features. He’d been able to keep her from accessing his mind, but she was beginning not to need it to read him.

“You’ll see.” He snapped at her, trying his best convey authority. He glanced down at the blood on her chest. “Go clean up if you want. We’ll be there soon.”

He looked her over one last time, letting his eyes trail over her face. He could feel her frustration at his tone, her anger…her hurt. His heart clenched as he examined her expression. He fought down the urge to pull the mask off again and wrap her in his arms.

But her clarity was a price he couldn’t afford to pay. He had already allowed her to see too much. He’d already let her in too long, allowing her to feel the emotion he should have kept tamed.

And now he was paying the price.

He turned his back to her, pushing down the violent emotion that tore through his soul. Ignoring her, he walked up the staircase swiftly, only stopping once he was out of her view. He leaned against the wall of the narrow hallway and inhaled deeply.

Her words from that morning reverberated in his mind, slamming against the walls he had built to keep them out. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget them, he couldn’t push them out of his immediate memory.

He’d thought of nothing else since the phrase had slipped out of her lips.

“I love you.”

What hurt more than the words, was the fact that he knew they were true. He’d known for a while what had been brewing inside of her heart. He’d heard it in her mind as she slept, he’d seen it on her face as she spoke, he’d felt it in her hands as she touched him…

He should have stopped it early on, in the beginning when things had begun to change, but he couldn’t put his finger on a single moment where the seeded emotion had been planted. And now it was too late.

It had bloomed.

Not into a flower, but into a weed. A dangerous, unrelenting weed that had spread throughout his body, claiming territory as it matured and consumed more fragments of his existence. He felt it growing with every passing second, the long vines slowly transforming into something stronger than emotional evolution. Something stealthier than a self-pollinating prison cell. They were mutating into weeds of iron, vines of solid metal that engulfed his heart and mind, binding him to her insatiable energy.

Her declaration had wrapped her in a newfound freedom, while it had bound him in chains.

He remembered the way she had looked at him, the way she had waited for a response.

A response he could never give her.

He scoffed to himself. He wouldn’t have to deal with it much longer. Once he delivered her to the Supreme Leader, her infatuation with him would be as good as gone.

He’d been there when Snoke had called to her on the battlefield. He had run to her, sensing her need, sensing the pull of the dark summon. He had joined her mind in the middle of the smoke as she allowed the Supreme Leader into her thoughts.

He had heard the call of his master simultaneously in his own mind.

“…it’s time.”

The voice had nearly brought him to his knees. Not yet… He had caught himself thinking.

He had watched her as she contemplated the voice. She had latched on to its power so quickly, so effortlessly.

His heart skipped as he thought about her potential, her future. Potential that the Supreme Leader wanted to mold, a future that he wanted to manipulate. The Commander knew that Snoke would use her open mind as a playground, just like he had his. And now it was time to deliver her into his hands.

She’d be meeting the one who had orchestrated it all, and she would find out everything. She’d find out how he had groomed her from the beginning, ever since he’d sensed her power flying over Chandrila. She would find out how he had pursued her for the simple sake of completing his mission, how he had seduced her and taught her for the sole reason of supplying her as an open canvas to his master.

Preparing her, leading her and delivering her to the Supreme Leader had always been his objective. He was just the middleman, a tool Snoke was using to structure her.

She’d finally understand his motivation, and she’d hate him for it.

His heart tightened painfully as he tried to imagine what she’d think, what she would feel. He knew she would never look at him the same way. Everything they had been through, everything they had overcome, every little moment they had shared, would all be seen through a different lens. She’d believe every touch, every word had been a way to manipulate her, to groom her.

And she’d be right. It had been.

In the beginning…

Before she had filtered into his subconscious like he had hers. Before she had embedded herself into his thoughts. Before she had bound him chains…

He’d known this day would come, when the Supreme Leader would reach out to her, when he could call her on his own.

But he thought he had more time…

More time with her. To teach her, to lead her, to exist with her. To make her understand why he couldn’t respond the way she wanted. He sighed as he leaned off of the wall and suppressed the thoughts. None of it mattered anymore. Everything was about to change.

And it was for the best.

He stormed up the narrow walkway and moved into the cockpit.

Ap’lek looked up at him. “Everything ok, Boss?”

The Commander sat down behind the flight controls quietly, ignoring the question. Time rolled by slowly as the ship flew through lightspeed.

He felt her before he heard her.

He felt her nervous energy as she approached the stairs. He felt it as she walked up them slowly, second guessing and walking back down briefly, just to gather her courage and walk up them again.

He heard her quiet footsteps in the compact hallway. He heard her slip into the flight deck behind him.

Ap’lek waved her over, patting the seat next to him.

She sat down quietly, ignoring the other two Knights in the back of the cockpit as she stared at the Commander.

He looked at her in his peripherals. She’d washed the blood off her skin and had re-braided her hair. Her eyes bore through his mask, seeing deep into his soul. He inhaled deeply and continued to ignore the feelings her gaze ignited.

Awkward, silent moments passed before the ship exited lightspeed.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her jump out of her seat and scurry over to the window, gazing at the bright planet below.

"Coruscant?” She gasped. “I thought you said we were going to The Surpemacy?”

“We are…” The Commander shook his head slowly. “We’re just making a stop first.”

He looked down her form, letting his eyes linger over her blood coated training outfit. He’d had it modeled after his own, but after watching her fight in it, it was obvious it wasn’t what she needed.

The tether between them was about to be cut and he wanted to give her the opportunity to form an identity of her own before that happened. Before Snoke had the chance to rip it apart…

It was also quite possible that he was simply stalling, delaying the inevitable demise of the strained relationship he’d grown to need. He watched her eyes sparkle with excitement as she leaned over the console, her mouth gaped slightly as the city came into view.

The Command Shuttle began its descent through the clouds, blending into the high volume of aircraft traffic. The city-covered planet buzzed like a beehive in the late-afternoon sun. Thousands of ships zoomed around the airways beside them as they cut through the tall buildings.

“This is amazing…” She breathed as she took in the sight. “I-I’ve never seen anything like this before.” She shook her head as he looked towards the Commander. “Kylo…” She reached out to place her hand on his shoulder, but recoiled instantly, dropping the hand to her side. “What are we doing here?”

The ship descended through the city towards the surface of the planet.

“Shopping…” He muttered.

“What?” Her face scrunched up slightly. “For what?”

“You’ll see.” He snapped, silencing her.

She rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to the window. She watched curiously as the ship descended further, passed the lower buildings and sinking into a large opening in the surface of the planet.

The ship sank lower into the earth, entering a dark, new world.

She marveled at the city below the city.

Because of the darkness of the subterraneous landscape, the tall, sub-level buildings were lit up even during the day. Their large shadows gave way to darkened streets fostering low flying ships and groups of people traveling in tight packs.

“Holy shit…” She muttered at the glass.

“Welcome to the Underworld, Kid.” Ap’lek chuckled behind her. “My favorite place in the galaxy.”

“Why?” She turned towards him. “It’s creepy…”

“Exactly.” He pulled his helmet off and winked at her. “…and fucking awesome.”

She gazed out the window nervously as the ship touched down on a balcony landing pad. The Commander stood up briskly and pulled his helmet off, tossing it on the chair. The other Knights followed suit, pulling theirs off and setting them on the floor.

She looked at the Knights curiously before looking up at the Commander. “You’re not wearing the mask?” Her eyes enlarged as she realized it. “You always wear it.”

“Not here...” He shook his head. “They draw too much attention.”

“Oh…” She furrowed her brows as she looked out at the dark streets. “Then can’t we just shop up top?”

“No.” He spat over his shoulder as he walked out of the cockpit.

___________________________

She trailed closely behind him as they made their way through the dimly lit streets. The Knights kept a loose follow as they monitored the surrounding avenues intently, keeping a tight security perimeter.

The Commander turned into an alley, coming to a stop in front of a small, unmarked storefront. He moved to open the door but paused as he felt her apprehension.

“Pet…” He sighed as he turned towards her. “It’s fine. There’s no reason to be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.” She glared up at him. “I just want to know what the fuck is going on.”

Anger flared up inside him as he registered her tone.

Always such a fucking attitude.

Irritated, he gestured down her form, pointing at the torn fabric. “This didn’t work for you today, did it?”

“Uh…” She scrunched her brows and looked down. “Not really…” She examined her body. “It’s heavy and…bulky.”

He nodded and opened the door to the small shop, waving her inside. She ducted under his arm and walked through the open doorway. He followed her in and directed the Knights to remain outside to guard the entrance.

The small tailoring shop was minimal and clean. Dark walls hovered in over light grey floors, making the room seem strangely cozy, a stark contrast to the hostile energy from the shadowy Underworld streets. The room was filled with racks of black and grey clothing and rolls of dark fabric. Mirrors lined the far wall beside a small dressing room and a sowing station.

Other than for the aged, green alien behind the counter, the shop was completely empty.

“Commander Ren.” The creature shimmied out from behind the counter quickly. “It’s an honor to see you again, Sir…” He bowed his head slightly. “W-What can we do for you today?”

The Commander remained silent and simply motioned to her.

Her head snapped towards him. “What?”

“You need a new outfit for training.” He sighed, trying to choose his words carefully. “And for future…battles.”

Her eyes sparkled as she looked over the room. He could feel the wheels turning in her mind before he even peaked inside it.

He probed her thoughts gently.

She was confused. She was trying to understand his motivation. She couldn’t grasp why he cared. Why did he give a fuck if she was comfortable fighting? He didn’t even want her fighting. He had been the one to tell her not to leave the ship in the first place...

He felt her confidence return swiftly.

…and she hadn’t even been punished for disobeying…

“Oh, you will be...” He snapped at her. “I haven’t forgotten about that.”

Her face flushed as he addressed her thoughts.

He felt his heart rate increase he noticed the flash of pink wash over her skin. For someone so strong and stubborn, she was so easily flustered. So fucking responsive. A fire burned inside of him as he looked at her rosy cheeks.

He felt the chains tighten.

He pushed down the fierce sentiment that raged inside and turned around on his heels, moving towards the door.

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” He cleared his throat, addressing the green tailor. “Make her whatever she wants.”

____________________________

The Commander walked through the dark streets of the Underworld and Ap’lek followed closely behind. He had directed the other two Knights to stay outside of the tailors.

To protect her.

Not that she even needed them…

The Commander remembered the morning briefly. He let his mind drift to the way she had fought, the way she had harnessed every particle of energy in the air. Heat pooled in his abdomen as he remembered the way she had handled the men, the way she had interrogated them and discarded them without a second thought.

He smiled darkly as he pictured her trying to probe the mind of the fighter. She had no fucking clue what she was doing, but she had looked so determined, so strong.

So fucking hot.

He shook his head, refusing to let his mind linger over her. She didn’t need any of them anymore.

Not even him.

He grimaced as he turned a tight corner. Moving into a narrow alley, he made his way towards a small, concealed marketplace. Vendors and booths lined the alley, calling out to one another and trying to harass passing traffic into indulging in counterfeit acquisitions or illegal arms.

He ignored them and walked towards the booth at the end.

An old man with greasy, ink-died hair met his eyes immediately and stepped out from behind the booth.

His voice was dry and low. “Commander, what a pleasant surpri—”

The Commander held up his hand, stopping the sentence.

“You know what I’ve come for.” He snapped.

The man took a brisk step back and nodded as he pulled back the curtain to a hidden entryway in the brick behind him.

“O-Of course, Sir.” He crackled. “Right this way.”

He led them into a long, narrow room. The dim overhead lights hummed a low electric tune as they flickered. Weapons hung on nearly every inch of the concrete walls, and a long table was spread out in the middle of the room. Random pieces of assorted metal lay scattered over the table.

The Commander walked the length of the table slowly, looking at the spread on the elongated surface.

Ap’lek walked over to the old man and slapped his back playfully. “What’s up, Sal?” He shook his shoulder slightly. “Got anything new for me?”

The old man’s eyes lit up as he jerked his head, leading Ap’lek over to the nearest wall. They spoke in low tones as they discussed the weaponry.

The Commander disregarded them as he paced in front of the table. He ran his gloved fingers over the selection of scrap metal.

And thought about her.

Her eyes, her body, her spirit. Her all-consuming energy. She crept into his mind like always, in the most subtle way. Extinguishing his persistent desire to remain neutral and unconcerned. She made that impossible.

He dismissed the unwelcome thoughts. He needed to think about her, but only about her weapon. The blade of the saber would be up to her, but what should the hilt look like? What should it feel like? He wanted something strong, something that represented her.

He browsed the selection for a few moments, scanning the contents for an item that called to him. He noticed something dark standing out from the sea of shiny metal. He reached down and picked up a narrow, matt black cylinder from the table.

It was shorter and thinner than the hilt of his own saber and was only slightly longer than the length of his palm. It was a matt black metal, with almost no shine. Thin bands of embedded, black veins wrapped around the center of the hollow cylinder, creating a slight cinch in the middle of the piece. It looked like a makeshift grip.

“What’s this?” He spoke up, addressing the old man. The shop owner moved closer and extended his hand. The Commander handed the piece to him.

“This is…” He examined the piece. “An Imperial engine venturi…” He pointed out the veins in the center and continued. “You can tell by this ducting in the center. It was probably taken off of an intake manifold from an old TIE fighter.”

“What’s the composition?”

The man put on his glasses took a closer look at the piece. “Custom quadanium steel.” He concluded. “In the old days, it was used in the manufacturing of ships and battle stations for the empire.” He turned it over in his hands before handing it back to the Commander. “It’s nearly indestructible...” He added. “…and expensive.”

The Commander rolled the cylinder over in his gloved palm. It was nearly the perfect size and weight for her hand and the matt finish of the metal reminded him of her ships. Not to mention, it was from an imperial TIE fighter. He felt the corners of his lips turn up before he could stop them.

It was perfect.

“I’ll take it.” He nodded to the shop owner as he picked up a few smaller bits of metal to go with it. “And these…”

The old man smiled and nodded back.

Ap’lek came bounding over, holding a large, custom blaster he’d pulled from the wall.

“And I’ll take this…” He grinned as he threw the strap of the gun over his shoulder. “Gods, I fucking love this place.”

__________________________

The Commander opened the door to the tailors shop and walked inside. He spotted the alien waiting outside of the dressing room.

His green face scrunched as the Commander approached. “Almost done, Sir.” He nodded. “Just making the final adjustments.”

As the tailor spoke, she exited the dressing room.

The Commander felt himself inhale sharply.

She was wearing a black body suit that curved over her form in perfect waves. The tight long sleeves fell down to her wrists, and the neckline dipped into a short V, outlining her necklace. A black, leather utility holster was fastened over her shoulder and chest like the strap of a seatbelt. It continued into a belt that wrapped around her waist and connected to a holster around her thigh. She had her weapons fastened into the holster in various positions. Tall, black boots rose up to her knees over the bodysuit and elevated her on a slight, but sturdy heel. She had tied a thin, hooded cloak around her waist, allowing the panels of fabric to drape over the back and sides of her legs.

She had undone her braid, letting her hair fall over her shoulders in light waves. His heart nearly stopped as he met her eyes.

She smirked slightly, sensing his silent reaction. “What do you think, Commander?” She turned around slowly, showing off the new outfit.

He felt his pulse quicken as he watched her twirl, picking up speed as she looked at herself in the mirror, waiting on his response.

She was beautiful.

But it was more than that.

She was happy.

It took everything in him not to run to her, to pick her up and pull her lips to his. To whisper against them how much he—

He took a stumbling step backwards as his mind threatened to pull him into an unknown realm. He felt sick to his stomach as he turned his back to her. The emotional chains tightened again, constricting his ability to disassociate.

“It’s fine.” He snapped, still trying to steady his resolve. “Let’s go.”

He didn’t have to see her face to feel her hurt. He felt her happiness dissipate as she tried to understand what she’d done wrong. He listened to her thoughts.

She liked the way she looked. It was finally a representation of her, not him. She must have misunderstood his initial reaction. Was it not what he was expecting? Was it not good enough?

He felt her sadness turn into anger quickly. The darkness pushed her into aggression that matched his own.

Whatever. Fuck him. Who gives a shit what he thinks anyways? Her thoughts screamed.

He spun around to face her. “I said…” He narrowed his eyes. “…it was fine.”

“Get out of my head.” She snapped at him as she stormed away from the mirror. She walked up to the tailor, ignoring the Commander completely as she brushed by him.

She pulled her ID from the stack of old clothes on the floor and handed it to the green-faced alien.

“Thank you for your help.” She smiled at him. “Do you accept First Order accounts? Or do I need to go exchange for credits?”

“Neither, Miss.” The tailor shook his head and made eye contact with the Commander. “You’re good to go.” He passed her the ID back.

She furrowed her brows as she tracked his gaze. She turned around and looked at the Commander.

“I want to buy it.”

He exhaled audibly. Of course she would make this difficult.

“Ok.” He shrugged. “You just did.”

“No…” She narrowed her eyes. “I want to buy it…” She waved her ID in the air dramatically. “I don’t want you to buy it.”

“It’s already done.” He snapped at her; his dwindling patience was wearing thin as he moved towards the door. “We’re leaving.”

“Then un-do it...” She turned towards the tailor and slid the ID back to him over the counter. “…and use this instead.”

The Commander felt her smug arrogance from across the room. Why was she so goddamned naïve? Did she really think she had been buying anything the past few weeks?

“Pet…” He snapped. “That ID isn’t even linked to your fucking account.” He rolled his eyes and held the door open. “Can we go now?”

He watched his words sink in as her expression softened in confusion.

“W-What?” She picked up the card and looked at it in her palm. “Then whose…” Her voice trailed as she realized it. Her eyes snapped up to meet his. “I don’t need this. I have my own money. I don’t need yours.”

The Commander ignored her and looked at the tailor over the counter. “Send duplicates to the base when you’re done with them.” He demanded.

The tailor nodded aggressively. “Yes, Sir. Absolutely.”

“No.” She held her hand up to the tailor. “Don’t do that.”

The Commander was done with the conversation. He moved through the doorway, speaking over his shoulder. “Why are you making this an issue?” He spat as he walked out of the door and onto the street outside. He felt his own control slipping. “It’s doesn’t matter at all.”

“It matters to me.” She stormed out after him and grabbed his arm to stop him from walking. “I-I don’t want to owe you anything more than I already do…” Her voice quieted slightly as her own words wounded her.

He felt her emotion again, clearly and tangibly, like it was his own. She felt conflicted, confused…rejected. She wanted independence from him, to distance herself from him. To continue her path in the freedom she thought she had found.

His heart clenched as he looked into her bright eyes. Without thinking, he took her hand in his, wrapping his fingers with hers. He felt her heart skip. He could see the color as it rushed to her face, he could see the movement of her chest as her breathing shallowed under his touch.

He couldn’t help himself.

He looked over his shoulder before pulling her gently into the adjacent alley. The narrow walkway was dark and deserted. Shadows danced in between the buildings from the overhead lights on the street.

He knew she could feel the urgency in his steps. He knew she could feel the need in his mind as he opened it up to her slightly. He felt her excitement grow as he pressed her against the brick wall.

Dragging his hand up her torso, he brought it to rest on her face, brushing his gloved thumb over her lips.

“You don’t owe me anything…” He whispered.

She blinked rapidly as she looked up at him. He could feel the familiar emotion swimming in her mind. It was nearly palpable as is moved through her. His heart melted as she smiled lightly. He could feel her reaching out to him, pressing against his mental boundaries.

She wanted to feel him again. To explore his emotion. To know how he felt. But he couldn’t let her in. He couldn’t let her know. Not again…

“No, Ma’am…” He shook his head slowly as he brought his lips down to hover over hers. He felt her heart skip again as he spoke. He moved against her slowly, pressing hips lips into hers with a ravenous hunger.

She responded naturally, pressing her body into him as she kissed him back. She moved her tongue against his as she wrapped her hands in his hair, pulling him in closer. Even without their minds bridged, he could feel the emotional connection refusing to renounce its presence. His heart felt as though it could burn through the walls of his chest as he registered the sentiment around her hold. He’d kissed her countless times before, but this time was different.

This time, she loved him.

And he felt it.

He felt it in her lips. He felt it in her hands. He felt it in her heart as it beat against his. He felt it in her eyes as he pulled his lips away from hers.

The iron weeds in his soul grew as they pulled him deeper into himself. The words he knew he couldn’t say lingered in his mind. Unexpected sadness sank over him as he remembered what was to come.

Everything was about to change.

And she’d never know about the hold she’d had over him. She’d never know about the chains that had bound him to her.

And it was for the best.

He backed away gently and let his hands fall over the curves of her body, hugging the outline of her silhouette in the bodysuit. He brushed over her neckline and dropped his hand down to graze over her breast through the light material.

She tensed slightly and took a deep breath, looking up at him with desire in her eyes.

So fucking responsive…

He had to fight down the sudden urge to shred open the thin fabric with his bare hands and fuck her in the public alleyway. He imagined her cumming on his cock as he pushed her into the brick wall. He imagined her screaming his name until the whole block knew who owned her pussy.

Gods, what was happening to him? What the fuck was she doing to him?

He exhaled loudly as he pulled away from her. “Time to go, Pet.” He sighed again as he began to walk away.

“Wait…” She called to him quietly. He felt her gather some courage as she pushed herself off of the wall.

She reached out slowly and grabbed his gloved hand. He felt her increased heartbeat through her fingertips as she intertwined them with his. She bit her lip nervously as she waited for his reaction, trying to fight down the nervous smile as it hit the corners of her full lips.

He felt the emotion inside of him turn into a brick and float all the way down to his feet, holding him in place as he looked down into her hopeful eyes. Suddenly, an uninvited revelation crossed his mind.

He would kill anyone who ever tried to hurt her. He would dismantle the entire galaxy, system by system, empire by empire, until there was nothing left that could touch her.

Impulsively, he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. The smile broke across her face. His pulse elevated as he watched her unexpected happiness return.

He was so fucked.

He sighed as they walked hand in hand out of the alley and down the street towards the Command Shuttle. He glanced over at her as she walked by his side. She was lost in her thoughts, gazing up at the tall, underground buildings, in awe of the Underworld structure.

He looked down at his hand in hers. The act seemed casual, yet somehow devastating. How could something so simple hold such demolishing power?

In his soul, he knew that this could be the last time she would let him get this close. It could be the last time he had the opportunity to give her the validation that she needed. After she met Snoke, she’d never trust his words or actions again.

Was it really for the best? Could he live with himself if she walked away never knowing?

He knew he couldn’t say the words she needed to hear. He knew he couldn’t describe the emotional constraints he was bound in.

But if this was his last chance…

Maybe he should show her.

__________________________

***Y/N’S POV***

__________________________

He was holding your hand.

You smiled lightly to yourself as you boarded the Command Shuttle. The Knights followed behind as the Commander led you to the cockpit.

He let go of your hand as you sat down in the co-pilots seat. Your heart dropped slightly as his hand slipped out of yours. You sighed and buckled up, watching intently as he prepared the ship for departure.

“Now to The Supremacy?” You addressed him quietly.

He nodded as he worked over the controls. You could tell he was distracted by something. His hands moved slowly over the console, but his mind lingered elsewhere.

You settled down in the chair and watched the ship lift off the ground and fly through the darkness. He turned the ship towards the hole in the sky above your head. The shuttle exited the earth and left the lower levels of the Underworld behind.

You gasped as the ship ascended back over the upper levels of Coruscant. The sun was setting in the distance and the darkening sky gave way to a new spectacle of lights as the buildings below began to light up in an assortment of colors.

It was incredible. Unlike anything you’d ever seen before.

You unbuckled the seatbelt and leaned over the center console, looking below at the lanes of passing aircraft as they buzzed underneath the shuttle in bright rows, mixing with the lights of the lower city. You felt yourself smile as you took in the uniquely stunning visual. As the smile moved over your lips, you felt the mood in the cockpit shift. The new energy was strange and unfamiliar, but not uncomfortable. Instinctively, you looked over at the Commander.

He was staring at you.

The orange light from the setting sun washed over his sharp features, inserting strategic shadows that followed the natural line of his jaw and the curve of his full lips. Your heart flipped as you met his hazel eyes. They darkened in front of you as you stared at one another in silence.

You tried once again to push into his mind, wanting to know his feelings, craving the clarity of his thoughts. The corners of his mouth curled gradually as he shook his head slowly, so slowly that if you weren’t looking for it, you may have missed it.

“Knights…” He cleared his throat as he spoke quietly, never breaking eye contact with you. “Would you like to make a stop before we leave?”

You saw the Knights look at each other excitedly in the corner of your vision.

“Fuck yes.” Ap’lek laughed. The others muttered agreements.

You narrowed your gaze, cutting the Commander a silent question with your eyes. Everyone seemed to be on the same page. Everyone except for you.

The Commander sucked on his teeth lightly before breaking eye contact with you. “Perfect…” He mumbled as he went back to the controls. “Put your seatbelt back on…” He jerked his head towards you.

You rolled your eyes and fastened the harness. You could feel the excited energy of the Knights from the back of the cockpit.

Where were you going?

The Command Shuttle descended to the base of the bright city. The Commander landed the ship on a pad outside of a bustling, surface level marketplace. A red and black building sat adjacent to the market; a crowd waited outside of the entrance.

The Knights jumped out of their seats and left the cockpit quickly, dashing down the hallway at an alarming pace.

You went to unbuckle and follow them, but the Commander held up his hand, stopping your movement.

“We aren’t going with them, Pet.”

You looked at him curiously before returning your gaze out the window. You saw the three large men enter the adjacent building, passing by the line without a second glance.

“What is that place?”

You felt him shift beside you as he re-engaged the aircraft systems, bringing the shuttle off of the ground and up into the air again.

“They have…” He shrugged slightly, trying to form the words. “…friends there.” He paused. “Friends they don’t get to visit often…”

You recognized his tone.

“Working friends…” You nodded. “I understand.” Gazing out at the beauty of the city, you tried put the pieces together, but it still didn’t make sense.

“Then where are we going, Kylo?”

“I want to show you something…” He mumbled as he maneuvered the ship over the flow of traffic and up into the high cloud layer above the city.

You sat back in your seat curiously as you watched him climb higher into the atmosphere. Something was different in his energy, in his movements, but you couldn’t figure out what.

After a few moments, you couldn’t see anything out in front of the ship other than dark, star-filled space. He brought the ship into an idle hover and engaged the cloaking shield. He slipped off his gloves and threw them on the seat as he stood to his feet.

You opened your mouth to question him, but he reached over and unlatched your seatbelt, interrupting you. “Come with me…” He held out his bare hand.

You poked your lip out suspiciously but grabbed his hand. He led you out of the cockpit, down the hallway, and down the stairs. Your heart fluttered as he led you into the side corridor that held the small bedrooms.

He opened the door to the room he had stayed in on the Chandrila mission and pulled you in slowly. The small, minimalistic room brought back a flood of memories as you let your eyes fall over the furnishings.

This was where it had all started…

Your stroll down memory lane was abruptly halted as you caught a glimpse out of the large, glass wall at the back of the room. You gasped as you let go of his hand. Running over to the glass wall, you pressed your palms against it.

In front of you, was the most breathtaking view you’d ever seen.

You were high enough to see the entire planet of Coruscant as it hovered in open space. The sun was setting on the left side of the planet, lighting up half of the surface in an orange glow, while the closet moon hung on the right side, illuminating the other half of Coruscant in a blue shadow. The sparkling lights of the massive, city-covered planet mixed the conflicting colors together in a perfect blur, like a painter blending an elaborate painting. The blackness of space in the background, and the sparkle of the stars on the distant horizon, set the stage for the immaculate display of colors.

You felt unexpected tears spring to your eyes as you took it in. “Its…” You shook your head slowly. “Like a dream…”

The Commander moved behind you gently. The bridge to his mind was closed, but in this moment, you didn’t need it. You could feel him anyway.

He placed his hands on your shoulders as he stood behind you. You leaned back instinctively, pressing your body against him as he brought his lips to your neck. He kissed the side of your throat.

“It’s us.”

You turned your head to look at him.

“Us?”

“Look again...” He nodded out the window.

You glanced out at the view in front of you once more.

“See how the sun and moon fight for control?” He spoke quietly in your ear. “They’re both vital for survival, and yet they push against one another continuously, bound in a constant war that has no winner.” He wrapped his arms around your waist, securing you into him. “But the rare moments when they exist together, the rare moments when they work together, uncover their true beauty.” He paused to kiss your neck gently. “Their true power...”

You felt your heart fall to the floor as you stood under his heavy words. What exactly was he trying to say? The memory of his silence from that morning stung your heart as you watched the sun begin its slow retreat below the horizon of Coruscant.

“The moon is the winner.” You mumbled.

You felt his slight smile against your neck.

“Until morning, Pet.”

You looked out at the scene. “If we’re the sun and moon…” you nodded as you accepted his analogy. “Then who is Coruscant? Who is the city?”

“Everyone else.” He brought his mouth to your ear slowly, trailing kisses up your neck on his way. “The entire fucking galaxy, Kyber.” He whispered. “…could be ours to control.”

Chills covered your body at his dominant tone. Heavy emotion flooded your heart as you registered the meaning behind his words.

“I like the sound of that…” You turned around to face him. “…but I don’t need an entire galaxy…” You shook your head as you ran your hands up his chest slowly. “I only need you.”

He grabbed one your hands in his and kissed it gently as he looked down into your eyes. You felt the walls around his resolve crumble. The bridge into his mind opened as he brought his lips down to yours.

Instantly, you felt his emotion, the same you’d felt earlier that day, the one that mirrored your own. You slipped your arms around his neck as he kissed you deeply. The kiss was passionate and slow as he guided your tongue with his own.

What was happening? What did his cryptic words mean? How did he really feel about you? Tears pooled in your eyes again as a weighty sentiment fell over the small room. The air became dense, heavy with the unspoken words that lived your shared thoughts. You felt yourself tremble against him as he pulled away gently.

“Let me show you…” He whispered against your lips.

He ran his hands over your body, unlatching the holster around your thigh and waist and lifting it off over your shoulder. He laid it on the ground softly as he took your hand and led you over to the bed. You sat down on the edge as he knelt in front of you.

He locked his eyes in yours as he unzipped your boots, pulling them off slowly. He stripped you out of your socks and boots and tossed aside the cloak tied around your waist. Your heart pounded loudly as you watched him remove his own boots and throw his cloak over the closest chair.

He leaned over you and laid you back on the bed gently, pressing you against the soft, white pillows as he hovered above you. He kissed down your neck and brought his hand to the zipper on your bodysuit, pulling it down slowly.

You trembled as he pulled the garment down your arms and hips, sliding it off your legs, leaving you on the bed in your underwear. He brought his lips to yours again, kissing you slowly as he laid down beside you on the bed.

You rolled on your side and worked on unzipping his tunic. You pushed it off his shoulders and threw it to the floor. Next was his layered undershirt. You slid your hands up his body, pushing the shirt up over his chest. He tugged away from your lips briefly, allowing you to pull the shirt off over his head.

Your hands shook slightly as they trailed down his torso to the top of his leather pants. You unzipped them and pushed them down his hips slowly. You giggled slightly as they caught on his knees. He smiled against your bare shoulder as he leaned into you, reaching down to help you pull them off.

Rolling on top of you, he reached behind your back and unclassed your bra, tossing it to the floor quickly. He lowered his lips to your skin and kissed around the curve of your breast, deliberately dragging his lips to hover over your nipple. He tilted his head and brought his dark eyes up to meet yours as he kissed it slowly.

Keeping eye contact with you, he ran his tongue over your nipple, hardening it instantly from the wet pressure. You sighed as he worked over it gently. Gradually increasing the pressure, he grazed over it with his teeth, sending a small tremor of pain through your chest.

You bit your lip to stifle a moan as he continued kissing down your body. He paused and smirked slightly against your skin as he planted a gentle kiss on the branded ‘K’ on your upper thigh.

You tried to fight down the light smile that spread to your lips.

He continued his journey and finally reached your panties, letting his fingers trail over the waistband lightly before pulling them off. Spreading your legs, he laid down between them, continuing to trace kisses down your inner thigh.

He looked up into your eyes again as you shivered above him. He brought his mouth to loiter above your clit, dragging his tongue over it slowly. You gasped as he continued to roll his tongue over you, increasing the pressure as your pleasure built.

You latched your fingers in his hair as he worked over you. Tossing your head back into the pillows, you moaned loudly as he slipped his middle and index finger inside of you, pushing them in and out in sync with his mouth.

The moments drifted by as your body climbed. Feeling your orgasm building you tried to wiggle away from his grip. You didn’t want to cum yet. You wanted him inside of you. You needed him inside of you.

The bridge that tied your minds was so strong, that you didn’t even have to speak. You didn’t even have to tell him what you wanted. In this moment, he knew every single desire that had ever been in your heart.

He pulled his mouth away from your clit and kissed up your torso as he worked his way to your lips. He kissed them lightly as he positioned himself above you. You reached down and pulled his boxers off, pushing them down his legs with your feet and kicking them to the floor.

You wrapped your legs around his waist as he leaned over you. You breathed deeply as you felt his length press against the outside of your wet entrance. You stared up at him and locked onto his eyes as he pushed himself inside of you.

You sighed together at the sensation. He breathed into your ear and rested his forearms around your head, bringing his face to hover over yours as he pushed into your body. Nerves rolled through you briefly as you took him fully, rocking your hips to meet his slow thrusts.

You’d fucked numerous times before, but this time felt different. All of it felt different. Even the location was different. He’d fucked you against walls, on couches, on desks, in kitchens, in ships and in showers, but never actually on a bed.

You’d never laid below him as he moved inside of you. You’d never felt his naked form pressed into your own as your bodies tangled together against the sheets.

Your heart fluttered as he kissed your neck slowly, moaning lowly in your ear as he picked up his pace gradually. You sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck, digging your fingernails into his skin as you locked your legs around his back, binding your bodies together in a passionate embrace.

The emotion you felt from him was heavy and overpowering. It mixed with the physical sensations to solidify the overwhelming emotional connection you shared with him. As the pleasure built and the feelings settled into your heart, silent tears began to slide down your cheeks.

This wasn’t a game or a chess move in an eccentric power dynamic. This wasn’t him trying to dominate you, or you trying to stand up to him. This wasn’t for lust, or for revenge, or for power, or for control.

This was pure passion. It was pure emotion. It was a literal, physical representation of the bond you shared with him. With every thrust of his hips, you latched on to his spirit in another tangible way. It felt like you were melting into him, becoming one body, becoming one soul.

He wasn’t fucking you. He was making love to you.

In this moment, he was letting you feel everything he had. He was giving you everything he had to give.

The tears continued to roll as you brought a hand up to touch his face. He looked deep into your eyes as he tilted his head to kiss the side of your hand. You could see the reflection of your own pain and passion in his gaze. The shared connection passed the emotions back and forth between you.

He smiled lightly as he noticed your tears. He moved his lips to your cheeks, kissing the wetness away gently. You adjusted below him slightly so that his body rubbed against your clit as he pushed into you. The friction added to the building pleasure as your climax neared.

You tilted your hips to match his thrusts, your legs still locked around his torso. He wrapped one arm underneath your back and pulled you up off the bed slightly, angling your body so that he could move deeper into you. Your bodies mirrored the link in your minds, syncing together in a perfect rhythm.

You cried out and clung to his shoulders for support, kissing over his bare chest as you held onto him. You felt your orgasm approaching, and you knew he wouldn’t be far behind. He moved his lips to yours, kissing you deeply and slowly. You whimpered against his lips as your climax hit.

You came as you kissed him, the pleasure throwing you off of the mountain you’d climbed together. You felt him grip your back tightly as he jumped off his own ledge, releasing into you. His lips shook over yours as his orgasm rolled through him, rebounding over your own. Gasping against his mouth, your body relaxed below him as you floated down from the stars together.

He pulled out of you slowly and used the arm around your back to pin you tightly to his chest as he rolled over. You laid against his naked body, resting your head in the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around you. You traced your hands over his bare chest, running your fingers along the lines of his muscles.

Neither one of you spoke, both silenced by mutual fear of spoiling the unprecedented moment.

He kept his mind open to you as you laid beside him. You felt contentment in his heart for the very first time, but a strange and unfamiliar sadness loitered in the distance. The guarded emotion threatened to push away the blissful haze that lingered over the room. You stopped probing as you felt it. You didn’t want to pull it out of him, but it saddened your own heart to know that it existed at all.

As you laid against him, you suddenly felt naïve.

How foolish had you been to have placed your feelings for him in such tight boundaries? How narrow minded were you to think that loving him had meant freedom?

The way your heart was bound to his was the furthest possible thing from freedom. In this moment, it felt like your tethered souls would never be able to operate independently again. It felt like your body was weighed down by his presence. His very existence locked you into a resilient, passionate hold from which you never wanted to break free. For some reason, you didn’t mind the restraint it provided.

Your love for him felt like an unbreakable, emotional snare.

It didn’t feel like freedom at all.

In fact, it felt like chains.


End file.
